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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
» S08E03 — The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre
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Season 8, Episode 3 — The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre
#1006
Go ahead.
#1007
You got it.
#1008
Stupid asses.
#1009
One down, one to go.
#1010
Nice try, Frank.
#1011
What the hell is going on?
#1012
Get the hell out of the way.
#1013
Get out of the way!
#1014
Jesus Christ!
#1015
We gotta get out of here.
#1016
I'm not going anywhere, Frank.
#1017
I'm not going anywhere till I get that signature.
#1018
Go, go, go!
#1019
Hey, dude, check it out.
#1020
Remember when Dee, you know,
#1021
she sucked that bat poison
#1022
or whatever out of Frank's head from the vampire bat?
#1023
Yeah.
#1024
That must be what turned her into a zombie.
#1025
Why would a vampire bat turn you into a zombie?
#1026
You're mixing up your horror genres.
#1027
If anything, it would turn you into a vampire.
#1028
Right or a bat, or a bat.
#1029
Or Batman.
#1030
No, a vampire turns you into a vampire.
#1031
A zombie turns you into a zombie
#1032
and Batman didn't get turned into anything.
#1033
He just likes bats.
#1034
That can't possibly be what Batman's about.
#1035
It's about a grown man who dresses up like a bat?
#1036
And goes around solving crimes and mysteries, yes.
#1037
These are Academy Award winning movies.
#1038
This is serious stuff.
#1039
Well, you know the Academy, Charlie, I mean...
#1040
I know the Academy as well as anybody.
#1041
Sometimes, it's atrocious.
#1042
Well, to bring it all back
#1043
around, I think when Dee drank
#1044
the bat blood, that's how she got sick.
#1045
Frank's blood.
#1046
Yes, but the bat juices.
#1047
You know, the bat saliva, bat rabies.
#1048
No, no, it's not... Bat rabies, I buy.
#1049
Bat rabies.
#1050
Yeah.
#1051
Like the... Dude, we got to get out of here.
#1052
Yeah, go.
#1053
Things had gotten completely insane.
#1054
Dennis was trying to get the signature from Maureen, but we
#1055
were just trying to get the hell out of there.
#1056
Oh, my God.
#1057
What the hell?
#1058
Frank, what the hell's going on?
#1059
Dude, we got to get out of here.
#1060
Where's Dennis?
#1061
I lost him.
#1062
You guys, I couldn't get it.
#1063
I couldn't get it.
#1064
She wouldn't sign it.
#1065
I couldn't get the stupid bitch to sign.
#1066
She didn't sign?
#1067
This has all gone bad.
#1068
It's gone terribly, terribly bad.
#1069
What did you do?
#1070
I did something bad.
#1071
I did something really, really bad; guys, we got to get out of
#1072
here before everybody finds out what happened.
#1073
Guys, I messed up.
#1074
I messed up bad.
#1075
All right, guys, let's just make a break for it.
#1076
Which way?
#1077
One, two, three, go.
#1078
Come on, come on, this way, this way, this way.
#1079
My face! My face!
#1080
My face!
#1081
One, two, three.
#1082
Oh, God!
#1083
Frank!
#1084
Over here, over here.
#1085
And then that's where you picked us up, and honestly,
#1086
that's all that we know.
#1087
Yes.
#1088
So you're telling me that this was a wedding full of zombies?
#1089
Yeah.
#1090
Well, bat rabies zombies.
#1091
Whatever.
#1092
There was weird incestuous jealousies, we don't know what
#1093
was going on.
#1094
Bottom line, you got the wrong guys. We're innocent.
#1095
Yes, we're totally innocent.
#1096
Marconi, we just picked somebody up from the site who's
#1097
claiming to know what happened.
#1098
She was locked in a freezer.
#1099
Don't let her in here.
#1100
No, she's been infected.
#1101
I'm not infected, you stupid idiots.
#1102
No one was infected.
#1103
Here's what happened.
#1104
Let them hash it out themselves.
#1105
It'll bust up.
#1106
Yeah.
#1107
I'm gonna go.
#1108
Deandra.
#1109
Dee's nuts.
#1110
What's the haps?
#1111
Here, have a sip, right from the cow's titty.
#1112
You'll love it.
#1113
No, Bill, no.
#1114
I got to get out of here, okay?
#1115
Shit is going crazy.
#1116
No, don't go.
#1117
Party's just starting.
#1118
You got to have some.
#1119
Come on, try it.
#1120
Come on, it'll loosen you up a bit, make your butthole hot.
#1121
How is drinking a glass of milk going to loosen me up, Bill?
#1122
Well, I spiked the milk with methylenedioxypyrovalerone.
#1123
What?
#1124
It's bath salts.
#1125
Yeah, yeah, it's like coke and acid and meth all combined.
#1126
It's awesome.
#1127
Yeah, I get it.
#1128
So everyone here is on bath salts?
#1129
Yeah, pretty much.
#1130
Oh, my God, just move.
#1131
Bath salts?
#1132
The drug that makes people eat each other's faces?
#1133
Wait, that would explain the zombie behavior.
#1134
Right, okay, Dee, so you were on bath salts and that's why you
#1135
went all nuts on us.
#1136
Now it makes sense.
#1137
That is not why I went nuts on you guys.
#1138
Huh?
#1139
I went nuts on you because of what you assholes did to my
#1140
goddamn car!
#1141
Dude, when was the last time you drove a car?
#1142
Don't worry about it, man.
#1143
I can drive; I remember how.
#1144
What?
#1145
No, no, no, no, no.
#1146
No, no, no, no, wait.
#1147
No!
#1148
What happened, dude?
#1149
What happened?
#1150
I forgot how to drive.
#1151
I forgot how to drive.
#1152
Oh, God.
#1153
Oh, look, Charlie, there's Dee.
#1154
Dee, don't go down that way.
#1155
We just got attacked by a bunch of zombie people.
#1156
The shuttle's gone.
#1157
Zombies must have stolen your car.
#1158
There's no way out of here.
#1159
Dude...
#1160
You sons of bitches!
#1161
You're gonna pay!
#1162
You're all gonna pay!
#1163
I'll kill you!
#1164
You assholes, you'll pay!
#1165
No, we won't pay.
#1166
We never do.
#1167
Okay, well, there it is.
#1168
You know, there's the whole story.
#1169
Ponderosa spiked the punch.
#1170
Somebody hopped up on bath salts but Liam's face,
#1171
and, uh, case closed, you know?
#1172
Hey, good for you.
#1173
Good for us.
#1174
Bye.
#1175
Ba-da-bing.
#1176
Hey, whoa.
#1177
Sit down, slick.
#1178
Now that may explain some of the shit that went on here, but it
#1179
doesn't answer the question of the missing bride.
#1180
Since you're the one with motive and the last one to be
#1181
seen with her, you're my new #1 suspect.
#1182
No, no.
#1183
That's... I didn't murder her.
#1184
Then tell me what happened to her!
#1185
I-I don't know.
#1186
I don't know.
#1187
Listen, if you confess, I can help you, but you got
#1188
to tell me what happened.
#1189
Okay, all right, all right, all right. Okay.
#1190
Look, if I tell you what I did, will you just help me, please?
#1191
Because I need help.
#1192
I'll see what I can do with the DA, but I need you to confess.
#1193
Okay, fine.
#1194
Fine.
#1195
I-I was just going to see her to get the final signature so I
#1196
could put this whole thing behind me.
#1197
When I saw her... Something bad happened.
#1198
Something very bad.
#1199
Oh, shit.
#1200
Oh, God, Maureen.
#1201
That was terrible.
#1202
Who did those tits?
#1203
The nipple placement is crazy.
#1204
- I love you, Dennis Reynolds. - No, you don't.
#1205
I love you.
#1206
No, look, you're just gonna sign these papers and we're
#1207
gonna be done with this, okay?
#1208
Never.
#1209
Let's run away together.
#1210
Oh, I'm gonna run away, but not with you.
#1211
I'm gonna find you.
#1212
Oh, no, no, you're not gonna find me, no, no.
#1213
We can't do this, Maureen.
#1214
Oh, no, please.
#1215
What have I done?
#1216
Oh, God, what have I done?
#1217
Oh, God.
#1218
Oh, God!
#1219
So all that shit about us ruining the wedding...
#1220
And the zombies and the bath salts and the blood...
#1221
It turns out you blew it yourself.
#1222
Yeah, congratulations, Frank.
#1223
You win.
#1224
I'm gonna be paying alimony to that crazy bitch for the rest of my life.
#1225
You expect me to believe this woman's gonna throw her entire
#1226
life away just to sleep with her ex-husband on her wedding night?
#1227
Huh?
#1228
Really?
#1229
Mr. Reynolds, you're free to go.
#1230
What?
#1231
Why am I free...?
#1232
No.
#1233
Yes.
#1234
No.
#1235
Someone posted your bail.
#1236
Come on, silly head.
#1237
Let's go home and put this whole adventure behind us.
#1238
No.
#1239
No!
#1240
No!
#1241
No, you got to help me.
#1242
What have I done?
#1243
You got to help me!
#1244
What have I done? No! No! No!
#1245
Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
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