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» S08E04 — Charlie and Dee Find Love
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Season 8, Episode 4 — Charlie and Dee Find Love
#1
I just... I can't believe you just bought, like,
#2
another ridiculous ugly car.
#3
You are lucky I am letting you into my goddamn...
#4
Oh, shit, okay, okay, here she comes, here she comes.
#5
Okay, see, what is she doing?
#6
She appears to be delivering food.
#7
No. That's not what I'm saying-- I know that.
#8
She's actually delivering Indian food now-- it's a good gig.
#9
But I mean, why is she not locking up her bike?
#10
This is a bad neighborhood.
#11
Oh, shit.
#12
Okay, look at this guy.
#13
He's totally gonna steal it.
#14
I got to move.
#15
What are you talking about?
#16
Keep it moving, guy!
#17
Goddamn it!
#18
Charlie!
#19
What are you doing here?
#20
You're just leaving your bike unlocked?
#21
I'm protecting it so it doesn't get stolen!
#22
Okay, you know what?
#23
I'm done.
#24
I am so done with this.
#25
You need to stop stalking me.
#26
You need to leave me alone.
#27
Look... do you have any idea what a mess your life would be
#28
if I wasn't always helping you out?
#29
I keep a list.
#30
I keep a list of things that I do, okay?
#31
I watch your bike so it doesn't get stolen, okay?
#32
I put, uh... I put vitamins in your shampoo so your hair doesn't fall out.
#33
I test your food so it doesn't get poisoned.
#34
Charlie! Listen to me.
#35
I am finished.
#36
Stop following me.
#37
Do you want me to be happy?
#38
Do you want me to be happy?
#39
Yes!
#40
Then stop being around every time I turn around!
#41
You have to leave me alone!
#42
You want me to be, like, gone forever?
#43
Yes. Do you hear me?
#44
Yeah, I hear you. It's... Okay.
#45
Okay, so this is good-bye?
#46
Yeah. Good-bye, I guess.
#47
Great.
#48
Okay, good. Thank you.
#49
Bye. Goddamn.
#50
Charlie.
#51
Oh, shit, she slammed you, huh?
#52
Do you want to follow her around some more?
#53
Nah, whatever, she's, like... she's right, you know?
#54
Can we just go back to the bar, Dee?
#55
Mm, no, I'd like to follow her around.
#56
Uh... goddamn it!
#57
If you don't have car insurance, you better have dental because I
#58
am gonna smash your teeth into dust!
#59
So sorry, that was completely my fault.
#60
Yeah, it's goddamn your fault, I... Oh... look at you. My God.
#61
I'm Trevor.
#62
This is my sister Ruby.
#63
Hi.
#64
Hi.
#65
Hi.
#66
Hi.
#67
Oh, geez.
#68
Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com
#69
No. I don't understand.
#70
None of this is making any sense.
#71
Dude... what is not to understand, okay?
#72
We got in an accident, right?
#73
They felt a little bad about it, one thing led to another, they
#74
asked us out to, like, a dinner date.
#75
Who are these people exactly?
#76
- Trevor and Ruby Taft. Right? - Yeah.
#77
What do you mean "Taft"?
#78
Like... the Taft family?
#79
I don't know.
#80
Yeah, Taft family, yes.
#81
That's a good get, Charlie.
#82
I'm rich, but these people are in the stratosphere.
#83
Yeah, my whole family was a Taft family.
#84
My uncles and grandfathers and cousins all worked for TaftCo Enterprises.
#85
My uncle even drowned in a vat of their molten steel.
#86
He didn't drown, he burned up.
#87
Yeah, he probably burned.
#88
Yeah, I don't think he drowned.
#89
Either way, this is a great opportunity, okay?
#90
Do not screw this up, because if you get into a family like this,
#91
it's like becoming royalty.
#92
What's the plan for the date?
#93
The... I mean, no plans.
#94
We were just gonna be ourselves.
#95
Ha!
#96
Don't.
#97
Do not be yourself.
#98
No, no, no, that's terrible.
#99
Be anybody but yourselves.
#100
Anybody!
#101
Charlie, do not eat any cheese or any cheese-like substances, okay?
#102
If you see any cheese, you run away from it!
#103
Dee, do not be a drunk, punchy whore, okay, you whore?
#104
But... No, there's no buts!
#105
There's no buts.
#106
Do not screw this up for me-- for you... for all of us.
#107
What is the plan for the date?
#108
I guess we'll become one of them or something.
#109
Now, uh, as I understand it, your family came over on the Mayflower?
#110
Um, yes, they can actually be traced back to the original settlement.
#111
Oh, yeah. Well, I imagine they destroyed many an Indian.
#112
Mm.
#113
I too sort of have distaste for the Indians, you know?
#114
They're savage things.
#115
They're nasty, really.
#116
Right, right, they needed to be exterminated.
#117
I mean, you hate to say it, but... You do hate to, but it's the truth.
#118
So congratulations to your family.
#119
Uh, my family, uh, we were... we were a railroad family.
#120
That's right, the Vandervelts were a distant relative.
#121
Right, yeah.
#122
Well, and I, too, am of a large... um, money-ful family.
#123
He, too.
#124
Shippers of-of goods and, uh... Services.
#125
Builders of... tall... Buildings.
#126
Would anyone like a drink?
#127
A drink? No, thank you.
#128
No, thank you, never will I drink.
#129
Whoop! Mm...
#130
It's all right.
#131
That's all right.
#132
Is he all right?
#133
Just talk about a different... I can ignore the cheese.
#134
It's not... I'm sorry, I can't do it!
#135
All right, then screw it.
#136
'Cause I've been eying this guy all night long.
#137
Excuse me, oh!
#138
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
#139
We've been putting on airs.
#140
I know I come across, like, super fancy.
#141
I'm not.
#142
We're not the blue blood fancy types that you think that we are.
#143
Thank God!
#144
We thought we made a huge mistake.
#145
We like you guys 'cause you aren't anything like the people that we know.
#146
Really?
#147
Yes.
#148
Oh, my God.
#149
Oh, shit, that is such a relief because look at this pit stain.
#150
I mean, we're, like, totally, like, normal.
#151
Oh, I'm sweating like... You like this pit stain?
#152
That's nasty, yo!
#153
I've got bodily functions, I'm sorry!
#154
Hey, guys, can we do some shots?
#155
Yes! I would love to do some shots.
#156
Right, see, we're getting after it now!
#157
We're getting after it!
#158
No, no, see, this doesn't add up.
#159
This does not make any sense.
#160
Why is this going well?
#161
Can the girl not smell Charlie?
#162
Can the guy not see Dee?
#163
Something's fishy.
#164
Dennis, don't poke holes in this, okay?
#165
This is like Lady Di being plucked from the streets like
#166
the trash she was and the trash that Charlie and Dee are.
#167
No, wait, wait, wait, wait.
#168
I know what's going on here, guys.
#169
Now this makes sense.
#170
See, I know what's happening here.
#171
This is a Les Liaisons Dangereuses.
#172
Oh, shit!
#173
A what?
#174
Dangerous Liaisons.
#175
What is that?
#176
The movie.
#177
I don't know that movie.
#178
It was like-like Cruel Intentions.
#179
She's All That?
#180
Can't Buy Me Love?
#181
Almost any movie made in the late '90s?
#182
Guys, guys, these are the games that rich people with nothing
#183
but time on their hands play with people that they perceive
#184
to be below them.
#185
That girl is just toying with Charlie.
#186
She's gonna crush him.
#187
Yeah, I hate to say it, but I think you're right.
#188
What about Dee?
#189
What, Dee?
#190
No, she's constantly being crushed.
#191
She'll bounce back, she always does.
#192
Or she won't. It doesn't matter.
#193
I don't care about that.
#194
All I care about is Charlie here.
#195
Now, guys, we got to dig a little deeper.
#196
Oh!
#197
Ooh! Ooh!
#198
Oh, look at this.
#199
Look at this. Shall we?
#200
You're going.
#201
Oh, no, no, no.
#202
No, you guys are going, right?
#203
No. Get in the car and leave.
#204
No, we' c Ping with.
#205
Don't glom onto this.
#206
Hi, you guys.
#207
Hey, you brought some friends.
#208
No. No. No, not friends. Hobos.
#209
Yeah. Come on in. The more, the merrier.
#210
You guys up for some tennis?
#211
Yeah!
#212
Yeah. You got booze?
#213
You got food?
#214
You got stuff to eat?
#215
All right.
#216
All right, Frank, I'll play on Ruby's team, and over the
#217
course of the game, I'll subtly extract her plan to humiliate Charlie.
#218
I'll get her.
#219
Oh, yes, I will definitely have her.
#220
Whoa, whoa, Dennis, you're not gonna hit on her, right?
#221
Huh? No, no.
#222
Look, you sounded like you were gonna try to bang her.
#223
I'm not gonna hit on her, okay? I'm not gonna try and bang her.
#224
- Don't. Don't do it. - Just, will you trust me?
#225
Whoa!
#226
Come on! Come on, Frank!
#227
Oh, hey, stay on that side when the ball comes to you.
#228
No.
#229
Ball!
#230
Damn it!
#231
Hey, yo, Ruby.
#232
Time out, time out.
#233
Let's take a little break.
#234
Yeah?
#235
Let's take a little breather.
#236
I thought you said you were good at this.
#237
I am good.
#238
It's just, you know, this shirt is, like, ridiculously-tight,
#239
and it's restricting my play, so, I think I'm just gonna pop it off.
#240
Oh.
#241
What do you think about this?
#242
About what?
#243
What I'm presenting you.
#244
I think you look really pale. Do you need some sunscreen?
#245
Well, it's the first of the season.
#246
I haven't had a chance to get a base going, you know...?
#247
Dennis? Dennis?
#248
What do you think of the pecs? What do you think of...?
#249
- Dennis?! - What?
#250
Come here!
#251
Give me a second, all right?
#252
What?
#253
I thought you said you weren't gonna hit on her.
#254
Am I hitting on her?
#255
Yeah.
#256
Oh, shit. Okay.
#257
No, you're right.
#258
Okay, I went into default mode. My bad.
#259
Yeah, all right.
#260
Hey, do I look pale?
#261
* Company, always on the run Destiny is the rising sun... *
#262
What the hell is she doing?!
#263
She's gonna ruin this whole thing!
#264
* That's why they call me * Bad company Zee, zah, da, da... *
#265
* And I can't deny... *
#266
I love how free and uninhibited you are.
#267
Oh, yeah?
#268
How about I free that big fat snake in your pants and
#269
uninhibit myself all over it?
#270
What?
#271
Let's hump.
#272
Oh.
#273
Whoops.
#274
Hey, guys.
#275
Whoa! Whoa!
#276
Shit. No. No.
#277
Oh, sorry. He... You startled me.
#278
That's a pretty good stance you got there. Are you trained?
#279
I spent some training, yeah.
#280
You?
#281
Yeah. Krav Maga.
#282
That's cool.
#283
Judo, karate.
#284
I got more of a Catholic thing going on.
#285
You know, sort of the hand of God.
#286
Stupid idiot. Get out here!
#287
Beat it. We were in the middle of a thing.
#288
No, no. That was really cool.
#289
Could you show me that last move again?
#290
Get out of here! Go on!
#291
Get of here!
#292
We're in the middle of some... the middle of something.
#293
Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, whoa.
#294
Ow.
#295
Sorry you got a cramp.
#296
Oh, she's really digging her hooks into him, mm-hmm.
#297
What a bitch.
#298
Ugh! Hold on a second.
#299
Oh, the same person keeps calling me.
#300
I'm just gonna answer it.
#301
Hello. Who is this?
#302
Who? Who is...?
#303
I don't know that name.
#304
Who? Who?
#305
Oh, oh, Waitress.
#306
Why didn't you just say that?
#307
Uh, because my name is not Waitress.
#308
Okay, you know what?
#309
It doesn't even matter.
#310
Did Charlie steal my bike?
#311
What are you talking about?
#312
Charlie's been with me the entire day.
#313
How did you get this number?
#314
I changed it.
#315
Look, I need my bike back, because if I don't get it back,
#316
I'm gonna lose my job.
#317
Look, I don't... Ha, ha, ha, ha, ugh!
#318
Hello? Hello?
#319
God! I'm gonna have to change my number again... Holy shit.
#320
Oh, no. Frank, I just realized something.
#321
What?
#322
Without Charlie doing all those insane things he's always
#323
doing for the waitress, her life is gonna completely change.
#324
What do you mean?
#325
Well, so, she's gonna be constantly calling or dropping
#326
by, looking for answers, so there's a very good chance that
#327
she's gonna have a front-row seat for the final moment of humiliation.
#328
And that's gonna destroy Charlie for good.
#329
What's the final moment of humiliation?
#330
That's the climactic moment where the rich people reveal
#331
their twisted game to all their wealthy friends, and everybody
#332
has a good laugh.
#333
Okay, Frank, here's what's gonna have to happen.
#334
You're gonna have to do all of those creepy things on Charlie's
#335
list to keep the waitress from poking around while this whole
#336
thing runs its course.
#337
What are you gonna do?
#338
Phew!
#339
I got something very important planned.
#340
Come in! There's a problem!
#341
I can't make head or tail of Charlie's chicken scratch!
#342
Just do the best you can, okay?
#343
I can't... can't really talk right now.
#344
Putting rat poison in her shampoo.
#345
Just gonna make her hair fall out. Crazy.
#346
I don't know.
#347
Look, the kid knows her better than anybody else.
#348
If he puts rat poison in her hair, put rat poison in her hair.
#349
Look, I'm busy. I can't talk.
#350
What do you mean, you're busy?!
#351
This is the whole thing, Dennis!
#352
I'm just... I'm getting some stuff done, okay?
#353
Oh, shit!
#354
I think she just came in.
#355
I'm getting another call.
#356
Hold on, hold on. Hello?
#357
Who? Who?!
#358
Just say Waitress!
#359
Look, has Charlie been poisoning me?
#360
'Cause I've been...
#361
Frank, you got to step it up with that list, man.
#362
This bitch is driving me nuts.
#363
What happened?
#364
Just, I'm busy, okay?
#365
Just do it.
#366
Hello?! Hello?!
#367
Hello?
#368
Charlie?
#369
No. It's your neighbor.
#370
Can I be, like, perfectly honest with you about something?
#371
Yeah.
#372
There's a... there's a girl who lives in this building, and,
#373
um, well, she's... she's the love of my life.
#374
Okay.
#375
And, uh... and I like you so much that before we move any
#376
further, I just... I don't know.
#377
I had to get that out there, 'cause I think I'm ready to let
#378
her go, but I just have to be sure.
#379
Does that make sense?
#380
Yeah.
#381
Charlie? There you are.
#382
Look, I don't know what kind of twisted game you're playing, but
#383
you need to make it stop.
#384
Whoa. Hold on a second.
#385
I have no idea what you're talking about.
#386
Really? Because someone's been poisoning me, and something
#387
is making my hair just fall out.
#388
Look, calm down, all right?
#389
I-I... I've been with her the last couple days.
#390
I really haven't been anywhere near you.
#391
Yeah, he's been with me.
#392
Oh, shut up, bitch!
#393
Who the hell is this, Charlie?!
#394
Hey! No. She...
#395
She's my girlfriend.
#396
Oh, my God.
#397
Sorry about that.
#398
Come on.
#399
Let's get out of here.
#400
I'm sorry about that. Wow.
#401
How's this, Trevor?
#402
Is this cool?
#403
Very cool.
#404
Get off me!
#405
Shut up, Dee!
#406
I got that stupid bitch.
#407
Oh! Goddamn it!
#408
Goddamn it! Oh!
#409
Clocked him.
#410
Oh! Oh... Oh, no... Amazing!
#411
You guys are out of control.
#412
I'm out of control.
#413
I'm out of control.
#414
Yeah, you are.
#415
Hey, I want to invite you two to a party at our estate tomorrow night.
#416
My father's going public with TaftCo.
#417
Oh, well, then... are you sure you want him to come?
#418
Of course.
#419
He's practically family.
#420
Hey!
#421
Come on, show me some more of those moves.
#422
Oh, yeah. Okay, well, this next stuff I learned from a
#423
wrestler called The Maniac.
#424
So we're gonna have to go ahead and get pretty oiled up.
#425
Sure.
#426
Great.
#427
This is classy as shit, huh?
#428
Dee, crack that open for me, 'cause it's hurting my hands.
#429
Yeah. I wonder why he didn't tell us it was black-tie.
#430
I feel like we're underdressed.
#431
Because, Dee, Trevor loves us for us.
#432
Hey.
#433
Oh, hey!
#434
Glad you guys could make it.
#435
Thanks, man! How you doing?
#436
These are a few of my old frat brothers.
#437
This is Dee and Mac that I was telling you about.
#438
Hi.
#439
What's up, boys?
#440
How are you?
#441
Hey, um, I'm sorry that we're not dressed appropriately.
#442
I mean, you guys all look so good.
#443
Oh, well, the attire at these sorts of events are... well,
#444
things my friends and I take for granted.
#445
Don't be embarrassed, though.
#446
You guys didn't know any better.
#447
No, I should've known better, 'cause I'm practically a Taft myself.
#448
My uncle's probably built into the foundation of this place.
#449
Really? Weird.
#450
Hey, where do you want us to sit?
#451
Well, you guys'll be out here with some of my frat brothers'
#452
guests.
#453
Now, if you'll excuse us, we all have some catching up to do.
#454
Oh, yeah. We'll... we'll meet you af... we'll see you after.
#455
Kind of weird, right?
#456
Yeah, but at least we can make fun of these dorks all night long, right?
#457
That'll be fun. Geeks!
#458
Oh, no, Mac.
#459
I see what's going on here.
#460
He's doing to us what I like to do to Charlie and the waitress.
#461
Huh?
#462
Oh, no. Follow me.
#463
Oh!
#464
I got that stupid bitch.
#465
Oh! Goddamn it!
#466
Oh!
#467
Man, biggest losers ever.
#468
You know it.
#469
Oh!
#470
Oh!
#471
That's two for one, fellas.
#472
Come on, pay up, pay up.
#473
Those two are by far the worst we've ever had. Let's go.
#474
Goddamn it.
#475
I can't believe it.
#476
That's a tough pill to swallow.
#477
What are you doing here?
#478
You know, they're not the only ones who know how to play these games.
#479
Huh?
#480
What?
#481
I'm saying I also know... I have a thing.
#482
Just come with me. Come with me.
#483
All right, folks, if you could settle down, please?
#484
If I could have your attention.
#485
Uh, thank you all for being here tonight.
#486
I, uh, I wanted you all here so that I could tell you this.
#487
I've decided to go public with TaftCo Enterprises.
#488
Wonderful! Oh, bravo!
#489
Excuse me. Fantastic, Neil!
#490
Good for you! Good for you!
#491
Too bad when you do, the SEC's gonna be all up in your ass.
#492
What?
#493
You see, you thought you all could get together and play your
#494
little games, have some fun, you know, invite some geeks to the
#495
ball, swap some stories, have a laugh. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
#496
But you took it a little too far... when you gave an
#497
inside-trading tip to my friend Mac, didn't you, Trevor?
#498
What are you talking about?
#499
Pedro.
#500
And by the way, my father's going public with TaftCo next
#501
week, so buy stock today at 34, not 36.
#502
Cool. Yeah, I'll call my broker.
#503
Right, call your broker.
#504
Ooh... you ready for round two, big guy?
#505
This-this is taken out of context.
#506
What was the context?
#507
Wrestling.
#508
It's wrestling.
#509
We're oiled up and wrestling.
#510
What is so hard to understand about this?!
#511
Nice, huh?
#512
Trevor... you imbecile!
#513
Why would you tell him that?
#514
I didn't know I was being filmed.
#515
If you're in my room, you're always being filmed.
#516
It's true.
#517
It's his thing, it's kind of creepy, but... But that's not all, everyone.
#518
You see, Ruby Taft, she likes to play her little games, too, don't you Ruby?
#519
But I am not gonna let you humiliate my other friend either.
#520
Cause he might be choosing someone else after all.
#521
Charlie, phone call for you.
#522
Charlie, somebody accidentally hit the waitress
#523
with my car-- their car, when they were following her.
#524
No... she wants to talk to you.
#525
She says she really needs you.
#526
Wait, did she say that, or are you just saying it?
#527
Yeah, talk to her yourself.
#528
Charlie, look, I don't know what's been going on, but if you
#529
think you can make it stop, I need your help.
#530
I want you back in my life.
#531
Do you really mean that?
#532
Yeah.
#533
I need you.
#534
Okay. I'll be right there.
#535
Awesome. Well, I'm out of here.
#536
What? What are you talking about.
#537
I'm leaving.
#538
I'm going to be with the waitress-- she's the woman I love.
#539
No, but I... I wasn't using you like Charlie was.
#540
He's a total asshole.
#541
I really, really, really like you.
#542
Oh.
#543
Yeah, I know.
#544
Okay? I was using you.
#545
That's why I kissed you in front of the waitress.
#546
That's why I banged you a bunch of times, just to make the
#547
waitress jealous.
#548
Amazing. You slept with me almost instantly.
#549
And by the way, a quality woman doesn't do that.
#550
She doesn't say yes right away.
#551
She says no to a man, for years, like, ten years.
#552
That's what a real woman does, okay?
#553
You know what you were acting like? A stupid little rich slut.
#554
And that's all that you are.
#555
How can you do this to me?
#556
Are you still talking?
#557
Go away, dumb-dumb.
#558
Go run and hide. Go from me.
#559
I don't want to see you anymore.
#560
Women, right?
#561
Ah, man, all right, cool.
#562
I'm out! All right!
#563
I didn't see that coming.
#564
No.
#565
Guess Charlie had the cruelest intentions of all, huh?
#566
Uh, see? Feeling better?
#567
Yeah.
#568
You know, I-I've, um, I've been thinking about the restraining order.
#569
You're gonna get rid of it?
#570
No. No, no.
#571
But, um, but I was thinking about reducing it from, like, a
#572
hundred feet to, like... 50 feet?
#573
Awesome! Okay.
#574
Okay.
#575
I can work with that.
#576
All right.
#577
Oh, so now? Starting now?
#578
Yeah, probably.
#579
Could you just leave the soup there?
#580
Uh... is this okay over here, or...?
#581
Uh, I don't think there's 50 feet in this room, so...
#582
I'll go down the hall. Okay.
#583
I'll see you tomorrow.
#584
All right, well, that's fine.
#585
From a distance, though.
#586
Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com
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