Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S08E07 — Frank's Back in Business

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 8, Episode 7 — Frank's Back in Business

#1
Something outside the box.

#2
Come on, people.

#3
You agree with me.

#4
The shareholders meeting is next week.

#5
If we don't act fast, this company will be stripped down and sold for scrap.

#6
I say we cut a deal with the Wheeler Group.

#7
You want to make a deal with the people who are threatening to gut us?

#8
What choice do we have?

#9
No.

#10
There is one man who can save this company.

#11
Its founder.

#12
The man is from a different era.

#13
He's a Neanderthal, an animal.

#14
Yeah, and just the animal we need.

#15
Bring in... the warthog.

#16
Hey, Frank, how do you know that these are crow's eggs?

#17
Because I saw a crow.

#18
Hurry up.

#19
I can't stay here much longer.

#20
Oh, my God, there's a whole untapped world of bird eggs that

#21
we're not even taking advantage of.

#22
Get the phone!

#23
Hello?

#24
Is this the warthog?

#25
I ain't heard that name in a long time.

#26
Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

#27
Five, four, three, two, one!

#28
Oh, boom, 24 hours is up.

#29
The found wallet is ours.

#30
Let's pop this bad boy open and see what we've won.

#31
Mr. Brian LeFeve from Quebec, you lose.

#32
Boom, I got your wallet.

#33
Boom, I got your credit cards.

#34
Boom, I got your money.

#35
Oh, shit.

#36
Is that Canadian?

#37
Ah, throw it in the trash.

#38
I'm not gonna throw it in the trash.

#39
Might be worth more than ours.

#40
We'll exchange it.

#41
What's this?

#42
Phillies ticket.

#43
For today!

#44
Oh, shit, looks like we're going to the Phillies game.

#45
Always check your breath.

#46
Right.

#47
And when you shake their hands, make sure your hands are bone dry.

#48
Dry hands.

#49
Never wet and clammy.

#50
I got it.

#51
Guys, quick announcement.

#52
I'm gonna be popping these crow's eggs in the fridge here so they don't spoil.

#53
Do not touch them.

#54
They are ours.

#55
We won't.

#56
Guys, why are you dressed like that?

#57
There's some scumbag company that's trying to take over the

#58
business that I founded, and I'm not gonna stand for that.

#59
Yeah, no, we're not gonna stand for that.

#60
Frank's taking me under his wing; he's gonna teach me how to

#61
swim with the sharks.

#62
Charlie can't read.

#63
He'll adapt.

#64
He'll adapt to reading?

#65
Okay, you know what, we don't need them, all right?

#66
We have plenty of fun things to do today, okay?

#67
That's right, while you guys are crunching numbers, we're

#68
gonna be soaking up some sun at the Phillies game, courtesy of

#69
one Mr. Brian LeFeve.

#70
Who the hell is that?

#71
The guy whose wallet we found at the bar.

#72
What are you gonna do if he comes looking for it?

#73
Uh, tell him to suck a boner.

#74
Exactly.

#75
Boom, I got your wallet.

#76
Boom, I got your credit cards.

#77
Boom, I got your Phillies tickets.

#78
Yeah, I've never been in... Whoa.

#79
Oh, shit.

#80
Oh, my God.

#81
Awesome.

#82
Oh, fine dining and baseball food.

#83
There's more.

#84
Hey! Oh!

#85
Free batteries!

#86
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

#87
Calm down, calm down.

#88
What's in here?

#89
Free shit, free shit.

#90
Guys, calm down.

#91
Look at all these coasters.

#92
Jesus Christ.

#93
Act like you belong here.

#94
Now listen to me.

#95
The fact that we're in a box leads me to believe that there

#96
are definitely gonna be other people coming here today,

#97
and they're probably gonna be friends with this LeFeve guy.

#98
So we need to talk about an exit strategy.

#99
We don't want to get caught.

#100
Okay, exit strategy.

#101
All right, I'll run the op.

#102
This the only entrance and/or exit, therefore if somebody

#103
comes in, I will spring off the balcony to safety.

#104
No, no, no, no.

#105
That's a 50-foot drop.

#106
Yes, of course, and I'm a professional, so I will tuck and roll.

#107
Oh, you're gonna tuck and roll through a 50-foot drop?

#108
Dennis, if I had a gun with me, I'd be spraying bullets into the air as I fell.

#109
No, no, no, we don't have time for these types of scenarios, okay?

#110
I'm talking about coming up with a real plan, a real exit strategy.

#111
If we get caught, we could get in a lot of... Excuse me, is one of you

#112
Brian LeFeve?

#113
Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, hi.

#114
It's nice to finally put a face to the name.

#115
I'm Andrew Kane.

#116
Of course.

#117
And Bill Larkin.

#118
Oh, Bill, okay, now see, from our conversations, I would have

#119
pegged you for Bill. Crazy?

#120
Oh, yeah, we get that sometimes.

#121
Yeah?

#122
And that must make you Prudence LeFeve.

#123
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

#124
Yeah, yeah. Hi, honey.

#125
Hi.

#126
And you are?

#127
Vic Vinegar, bodyguard.

#128
I don't shake, so don't even try.

#129
Bodyguard?

#130
Yeah, I mean, he's really more of a driver.

#131
He drives us around.

#132
I protect their bodies.

#133
He protects the car.

#134
Well, I mean, we got all week to talk about business.

#135
So, uh, let's just kick back and watch this game, huh?

#136
Who needs a beer?

#137
I do.

#138
Oh, I'd love a beer.

#139
Thank you. Thank you.

#140
Vic, you're working.

#141
You're working.

#142
You are. A bodyguard, you got to drive, too, stupid.

#143
Yeah.

#144
Cheers.

#145
I'm not stupid. Not stupid.

#146
All right.

#147
Charlie, I want a list of the top ten shareholders of the

#148
company ASAP, and call the press.

#149
Put out a press release.

#150
Tell them the warthog is back in business.

#151
Also, there are too many minorities and women working

#152
here. What's up with that?

#153
I got all that. I'm on it.

#154
I'm on it.

#155
Excuse me, excuse me, who is this man?

#156
Charles Kelly.

#157
I'm gonna be advising the warthog in matters of business

#158
and all the what have you.

#159
Oh, everything.

#160
Right-hand man, you got it?

#161
I mean, there's gonna be some changes around here, you understand?

#162
Ah, look at this.

#163
This poor kid, nobody's helping him.

#164
Hey, hey, kid.

#165
What's happening?

#166
What is it?

#167
Sorry, sir.

#168
The darn thing won't print.

#169
You mind if I take a look-see?

#170
Oh, no.

#171
I think it's a paper jam.

#172
Yeah, there's the culprit.

#173
Thanks, Mr. Warthog.

#174
A jam, it was in the tray three, and you didn't check.

#175
It was hiding back there.

#176
It was like a little piece of paper.

#177
Let me... Whoa, let me ask you a question.

#178
Did I just do your job for you?

#179
Excuse me?

#180
Did I? Did I just do your job for you?

#181
Uh, I-I guess so.

#182
You're fired.

#183
Get the hell out of here.

#184
Go on, pack your shit up and get out of here.

#185
If we're gonna turn this company around, we got to start cutting

#186
the crust off this shit sandwich.

#187
Fire in the hole, everybody.

#188
Come on, work.

#189
So, what do you think of our latest proposal, LeFeve?

#190
I think closing at 31's a pretty fair deal, don't you?

#191
31? Well, you know, guys, these things tend to be a little complicated.

#192
Oh, I think ya can do better.

#193
Oh, you looked over the proposal?

#194
She glanced at it.

#195
We're not... Tell us more about it.

#196
Yah, I sure did, and I tell you what, I seen better-looking

#197
moose turds in Rick Moranis'

#198
backyard, ya hosers. Mm?

#199
She's got a sense of humor that would just... You know, it gets frustrating.

#200
Hey, come talk to me for a second.

#201
Excuse me, guys.

#202
Just...

#203
What the hell are you doing, Dee?

#204
We're Canadian.

#205
You sound like a cartoon character.

#206
Guys, let's get out of here.

#207
Everybody's treating me like the help.

#208
Well, you should have thought about that before you blurted out, "bodyguard."

#209
Mm. Oh, I got an idea.

#210
Promote me to vice president.

#211
That way, we can talk shop.

#212
Mac, these gentlemen are courting me for my business savvy.

#213
How's it gonna reflect on me if I promote my bodyguard to VP

#214
after a two-minute conversation at a ball game?

#215
Mm-hmm.

#216
It's not gonna reflect on you at all because you're not Brian LeFeve.

#217
I'm not what?

#218
Dude, clearly you were floundering.

#219
Mac, I was gathering information so that I can more fully become this man.

#220
Look, look, this is about much more than just business.

#221
This is about the thrill of wearing another man's skin.

#222
Feeling his innermost wants and desires and being in control

#223
of his every single move.

#224
That's how you get off.

#225
Now don't you guys want to get off with me?

#226
I don't know.

#227
What?

#228
I want you to get off with me.

#229
Okay, okay.

#230
Just follow my lead.

#231
Guys, we're gonna get off together.

#232
Gentlemen, I'm just confused about one thing.

#233
Now, you got me out of bed, you put me on a plane, rolled

#234
out the red carpet for, what was it, 31?

#235
Vic, get my coat.

#236
Let's get out of here.

#237
Now hold on a second, LeFeve.

#238
Give us a shot.

#239
We will persuade you.

#240
Get ready for a great week.

#241
A little longer in the sock, huh?

#242
Higher in the thigh.

#243
So tell me the rundown for tomorrow, Charlie.

#244
Okay. We got a 8:30

#245
appointment in the morning to play racquetball in these new

#246
outfits, then we're gonna head over to Barneys, we're gonna shop for Rolexes.

#247
After that, we zip by Atwater where you're having your office

#248
completely redone back to its former 1980's glory.

#249
And then we have a 5:00 sushi dinner with Mr. Nakashori.

#250
That all sound right?

#251
Whoo! Sounds great, Charlie.

#252
Good. Well, Frank, I'm a little confused about one thing.

#253
What's that?

#254
Who pays for all this?

#255
What do you mean, who pays for it?

#256
The company pays for it.

#257
All right, well, then here's my second question.

#258
What does Atwater make?

#259
What do you mean, like, how much money does the company make?

#260
Oh, no, I mean what do we make?

#261
I don't follow.

#262
We make money.

#263
No, I know we make money.

#264
I mean, what do we create?

#265
We create wealth.

#266
No, no, I mean, what do we build, what do we design, you know?

#267
Because I have some ideas that could really help the company.

#268
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, we don't build anything.

#269
Leave that to the Chinks.

#270
Speaking of which, I want this sushi dinner to be the tits.

#271
Oh, okay, so you want it to be, like, really expensive.

#272
No, I want to eat sushi off of some Jap broad's tits.

#273
Hmm.

#274
All right, guys, listen, I whipped us up a couple

#275
of backstories here, so take a look at these cards.

#276
On the front, you're gonna find your biographical information.

#277
On the back, that's your emotional blueprint.

#278
Hmm.

#279
I have my own backstory, Dennis.

#280
I'm an entrepreneurial bodyguard with his own line of fitness

#281
products.

#282
I want to pitch the guys out.

#283
No, no, guys, guy, please, you got to trust me, okay?

#284
Just follow my lead, and I am gonna get you off in ways you

#285
never believed existed.

#286
I'm in.

#287
I'm not. I don't even know what you're talking about.

#288
I just want to do some business stuff.

#289
No.

#290
Okay, LeFeve, we have a surprise you are gonna love.

#291
Ah, really?

#292
Trust me, we know exactly what you like.

#293
Head on down to the members'

#294
locker room and see for yourself.

#295
Dennis, I have business savvy.

#296
I can be more than just the bodyguard, okay?

#297
I've got ideas.

#298
Oh, you got ideas?

#299
Pitch me one of your ideas right now.

#300
Right now?

#301
Off the top of my head?

#302
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

#303
Um, bodyguards.

#304
What about bodyguards?

#305
Training bodyguards, putting them in a facility and...

#306
What about them?

#307
Oh, what about a resort?

#308
That's a totally different thing.

#309
Are you saying that because we're in a resort?

#310
Stick to the one thing.

#311
What about bodyguards?

#312
A resort for bodyguards?

#313
Oh, my God.

#314
Oh, hey, you must be Mr. LeFeve?

#315
Uh, yeah, that's me.

#316
Surprise. I'm all yours.

#317
I was told there'd just be one, but I can take both of you.

#318
Might get a little sore, but I'll manage.

#319
Okay, well, I'm out of here.

#320
Okay. Wait. What?

#321
Hey, hey, where you going?

#322
LeFeve's into banging little Asian boys, so we're done, right?

#323
If we're gonna do this thing, we need to see things through.

#324
Dennis, are you gonna have sex with a tiny Asian boy?

#325
I'm gonna see how far I can go.

#326
Okay.

#327
Are you with me?

#328
No. No, I'm going to leave now.

#329
That's your goddamn problem, pal, you don't know your limits

#330
'cause you're not willing to push yourself.

#331
I know my limits!

#332
This is my limit. I quit.

#333
You quit?

#334
Yes!

#335
Well, guess what, pal, you can't quit 'cause you're fired, Vic!

#336
You're out of here!

#337
See? You got no commitment, Vinegar!

#338
You're finished!

#339
You're never gonna get anywhere in life!

#340
All right, LeFeve, time to put your money where your mouth is.

#341
Let's kick things up a notch.

#342
So, only the ones set of clubs?

#343
Yeah, you're a caddy.

#344
Clubs... This is a golf... Good. Yeah, okay.

#345
Well, that's better than what I was about to...

#346
Whoo! Let me, um... Give me a minute.

#347
I need to switch gears.

#348
I almost... Yeah.

#349
Take your time.

#350
Okay, first off, your dry cleaning's all done, the

#351
company jet's been upgraded.

#352
I got rid of that piece of trash.

#353
Nice!

#354
Okay, now, secondly, I found out who the controlling

#355
shareholder of Atwater is.

#356
Who?

#357
Brian LeFeve.

#358
Who?

#359
Brian LeFeve.

#360
The wallet they found?

#361
Holy shit!

#362
Yeah.

#363
He was probably there to see me.

#364
Dennis has been going around pretending to be him, and

#365
stringing along the Wheeler guys.

#366
This is great, Charlie.

#367
We keep the Wheeler guys off our asses, and we fix Atwater!

#368
Huh? Good move.

#369
Right? Pretty good.

#370
Oh, Nakashori's here.

#371
Yeah, but this is... Hello, Mr. Nakashori.

#372
Ah, welcome, welcome.

#373
You bring us a great honor to join with us, and we have

#374
many a naked woman and the fish of pleasure for you...

#375
Charlie, what are you doing?

#376
What are you talking broken English for?

#377
I thought they could understand me better if I...

#378
No, no, no. Sit down.

#379
Let's eat some sushi and we'll talk business later.

#380
Enjoy yourself.

#381
So...

#382
A few interesting facts about our city.

#383
Uh, there's been an abundance of crow eggs all around Philly.

#384
Uh, and crows seem to be getting bigger.

#385
By the year and the day, even.

#386
And their eggs, of course, are getting bigger as well.

#387
Perhaps our companies, with this information, could find a way to

#388
create some products off these new... Charlie, Charlie...

#389
Excuse us.

#390
Charlie, come here, listen to me.

#391
Look at me.

#392
Yeah.

#393
You're fired.

#394
What?

#395
You're fired.

#396
Why?

#397
Because you're not getting it.

#398
It's not sinkin' in.

#399
I don't get it?

#400
No.

#401
Where did you get that awesome insider info from, about

#402
Brian LeFeve, huh?

#403
That was pretty big.

#404
Well, that was good, Charlie.

#405
That's good.

#406
But you keep talking about products and quality and-and making things...

#407
I'm sorry.

#408
You're out.

#409
Well, thanks for the insider info, Mac, but that did not work.

#410
Frank canned me.

#411
He did?

#412
Yeah!

#413
What a dick!

#414
You know Dennis wouldn't even listen to my business ideas?

#415
Are you serious?

#416
I'm brimming with all these great business ideas.

#417
Oh, tell me about it. I don't know what to do with it.

#418
Oh, my God, I pitched so many good ideas... or I tried to, at least.

#419
And Frank shoots 'em down, 'cause he doesn't care about...

#420
I wish we could go into business together, you know?

#421
That would be... that would be good, it would make sense.

#422
Yeah, well, I feel like you and I... you and I understand each other.

#423
We click, you know?

#424
I have to warn you, though, that it's all about the product for me.

#425
- Are you serious? - Yeah.

#426
That's what I was saying to Frank the entire time.

#427
That's what people care about, is the product.

#428
It's all about the product, right? He only cares about money.

#429
Money has nothing to do with it.

#430
It's about a... Oh... You and I are on the same page.

#431
I know, we're always clicking with... And we have insane business savvy, and I feel like...

#432
Excuse me.

#433
I need to speak to the owners.

#434
Yeah, that's us.

#435
Yeah, yeah.

#436
Does the name Brian LeFeve mean anything to you guys?

#437
Okay, LeFeve, enough.

#438
We took you out the yacht, we took you to the zoo, we took you to that massage

#439
parlor and paid to have them jerk you both off.

#440
The meeting's about to start.

#441
We need to know, are you going to sell or not?

#442
Guys, we are almost there.

#443
I promise you, we are so close.

#444
Oh, okay!

#445
All right, I want to welcome all of you Atwater investors, and

#446
especially our controlling shareholder, Mr. Brian LeFeve.

#447
Thanks, Frank.

#448
Oh.

#449
Thank you.

#450
All right.

#451
I'm very excited about your passion for the company, so let's get right down to business.

#452
Not so fast!

#453
There's something you all need to know about Atwater!

#454
Prepare to have your minds blown.

#455
We got a video.

#456
Boom!

#457
Huh?

#458
What up?

#459
Are you ready for the best idea ever?

#460
Do you have money?

#461
Do you want even more money?

#462
Well, guess what?

#463
We've got a great idea for you.

#464
I... no, I told you not to... stay out of my peripheral through the whole...

#465
...two, one.

#466
Fight Milk!

#467
The first alcoholic, dairy-based protein drink for bodyguards... By bodyguard!

#468
I drink it every morning so I can fight like the crow.

#469
Just get out of the way.

#470
There we go.

#471
It's all about the product shot.

#472
Where do I stand?

#473
Don't do the whole... I wanted for them to see the whole... Fight Milk!

#474
Crow's egg!

#475
Milk!

#476
Made fresh.

#477
By bodyguards.

#478
And Charlie.

#479
What up?

#480
Watch as profits soar high as a crow.

#481
Watch your profits soar high as a crow.

#482
Ow.

#483
Sorry.

#484
Wait, I thought we said I was gonna... Profits... Yeah, go with your right.

#485
To the right hand.

#486
Uh, anyway, who wants to invest?

#487
So what's this got to do with Atwater?

#488
Oh, nothing.

#489
No, um, we just didn't want to lead with the Atwater news

#490
because we figured you wouldn't stick around to watch the video.

#491
So what's the news?

#492
Oh! Yeah, right.

#493
Well, that's not Brian LeFeve!

#494
This is Brian LeFeve.

#495
Yeah.

#496
Yeah, apparently he came to the bar to talk to Frank, and I

#497
didn't recognize him from his picture in his wallet, but I did

#498
recognize it when I saw that dead face in the morgue.

#499
Yeah, I was like, I remember that dude, yeah.

#500
Yeah.

#501
He came to the bar, and I remember he had to take a piss.

#502
Yeah, he was having a couple drinks and then... But Charlie was in the

#503
bathroom cleaning it out.

#504
I was working.

#505
I'm like, "Dude, take it out to the alley."

#506
And then I guess he's out in the alley, he comes back in, he forgot his wallet.

#507
Mac's like, "ID please."

#508
Yeah, he doesn't get in without an ID.

#509
That's just the rule.

#510
The guy's got no ID, so now he's roaming around the alleyway

#511
looking for his wallet.

#512
Crackhead comes up to him, says, "Hey, man, give me your money."

#513
And the guy's like, "I can't, I got no money."

#514
And he's like, "Bullshit."

#515
He got stabbed a bunch around the abdomen and... uh, kind of

#516
bled out and sort of died.

#517
Why do you got his finger?

#518
Oh.

#519
Well, the whole finger thing is... This was a miscommunication.

#520
This is a stupid thing, man.

#521
This guy here... He's like, "Dude, get a fingerprint."

#522
And I heard, "Get a fingertip."

#523
And I chopped his finger off really quick and then I'm like,

#524
"Is this what you want?"

#525
He starts screaming, you know.

#526
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

#527
If Brian LeFeve is dead... then who the hell are these people?

#528
Just a couple of people who totally got off, bro.

#529
What?

#530
You did?

#531
Mm... Are you serious?

#532
Mm-hmm, yeah.

#533
Just... during this?

#534
Big time, yeah.

#535
Oh, yeah, I got off a couple times when we were watching the

#536
video presentation.

#537
Then when he called me out for not being Brian LeFeve?

#538
Whoo, that got me big time.

#539
That did it?

#540
Oh, man, did I get off.

#541
Yeah, and then he showed the finger.

#542
- That was the big one. - A dead finger got you off.

#543
- That was the climax, really. - I am so confused.

#544
Oh, my God, it was amazing.

#545
It was mostly sexual.

#546
God damn you, okay?

#547
You know what?

#548
I could've gotten some cash out of these men.

#549
I could've gotten a free pair of shoes, but no, you said, "Hang

#550
in there, I'll help you get off, I'll help you get off, Dee.

#551
I'll show you how to do it."

#552
And then you leave me all on my own to try and just get off all

#553
by myself without even... I did everything that I could.

#554
I don't understand why you couldn't get off.

#555
It's not my fault.

#556
Some women just don't know how.

#557
What?!

#558
I don't know what it is.

#559
You know?

#560
Sometimes it's only the guy who gets off.

#561
Well, look, I don't know what the hell's going on over there.

#562
But I can tell you something, that there is something really,

#563
palpable, wonderful going on over here.

#564
I love this company.

#565
I love it more than life.

#566
I built this company with these hands.

#567
Built it from the ground up.

#568
This is a comp...

#569
Excuse me.

#570
Hello?

#571
It's done?

#572
Oh. Good.

#573
Right.

#574
All right, that's it. It's over, you can all go. The company's gone.

#575
What are you talking about?

#576
I stripped the company, sold it to the Chinks, and they shut it down.

#577
In a sense, you're all fired.

#578
Out.

#579
You can all go.

#580
Thank you, and good-bye.

#581
Get out, get out, go.

#582
Frank, whoa, whoa.

#583
I... dude, I do not understand.

#584
I thought you loved the company.

#585
I do.

#586
But not more than money.

#587
And I just made a shitload of it.

#588
You get it?

#589
Yeah.

#590
See, Charlie?

#591
Speaking of which, tell me more about this Crowtein.

#592
Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

« Prev Page 1 of 1 Next » Back to Search