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» S08E09 — The Gang Dines Out
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Season 8, Episode 9 — The Gang Dines Out
#1
Pretty crowded tonight, huh?
#2
Yeah, well, it's Gugino's, you know, best restaurant in Philadelphia.
#3
To our monthly dinner.
#4
Oh, monthly dinner, baby.
#5
I tell you, I've been looking forward to this for... 29 days!
#6
Me, too.
#7
I did my hair good, and I wore two colognes.
#8
Is that what that is?
#9
Mm.
#10
That was an interesting choice, but I get it, dude.
#11
You're excited.
#12
You are excited about tonight.
#13
Hey, hell, I'm excited tonight, you know?
#14
Not terribly excited about being near the kitchen, though.
#15
Really? It's where the action is.
#16
Maybe we'll get lucky and watch one of these dumb-ass waiters
#17
spill spaghetti sauce all over himself.
#18
And fall down or something.
#19
Okay, all right.
#20
Well, let's not be childish.
#21
Let's-let's keep it classy.
#22
You know, let's... Classy.
#23
I can do classy.
#24
I can be classy.
#25
Did you invite Frank and Charlie?
#26
No, I didn't.
#27
Hi.
#28
Hi.
#29
How many will you guys be?
#30
Two. And give us a nice table.
#31
This is a big night for us.
#32
We're celebrating our anniversary.
#33
Or the anniversary of us moving in together, which is like an
#34
anniver... it's been a long time.
#35
Anniversary is what it is, really.
#36
Well, great.
#37
Uh... oh, okay, oh, okay, uh... You can just hand that to me.
#38
I was trying to feel your breast.
#39
I got that.
#40
Yeah, but he was trying to feel your breast and give you
#41
the tip so that we got a good table.
#42
I want a good table.
#43
Oh, hey. Hey, hey, hey!
#44
Mac and Dennis are here.
#45
Should we sit with them?
#46
Really?
#47
Mm, Charlie, this is our night.
#48
Yeah, but we could all celebrate it together.
#49
That'd be fun.
#50
We can do our thing.
#51
They can do their thing.
#52
I'm sure at some point they'll come over to pay tribute.
#53
We can say hi to them then.
#54
That's weird.
#55
I know Charlie sees me, but they seem to be sitting at their own table.
#56
Well, good.
#57
Good, they should sit at their own table.
#58
Look, I'm sure at some point they'll come over and they'll pay tribute to us.
#59
They know it's our monthly dinner.
#60
We can say hi to them then.
#61
Yeah, still, seems kind of awkward, though.
#62
No. Look, we spend every waking minute together.
#63
It will be good for us to keep our distance for once.
#64
It's one minor coincidence.
#65
Doesn't go any further than that.
#66
Goddamn it.
#67
Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com
#68
Of all the goddamn nights.
#69
Can't believe they haven't come over to pay me tribute yet.
#70
I was here first.
#71
I know they see me.
#72
They're probably over there right now making fun of me.
#73
I get it, guys.
#74
You know what they're doing?
#75
They're calling me "Scarecrow."
#76
'Cause I'm all alone in the cornfields, scaring away the other birds.
#77
Real funny.
#78
You know what?
#79
There's no shame in a woman, an adult woman, taking herself out
#80
to dinner, enjoying her own company... I'm not gonna leave.
#81
I'm not gonna leave because I don't have to, and also I can't
#82
because I have a Groupon for this evening that expires tonight.
#83
It does expire tonight, doesn't it?
#84
Uh, yeah.
#85
I... Yes, it does.
#86
I'm sorry.
#87
Are you going to order now?
#88
Well, I'm trying to have a conversation with you.
#89
Why don't you sit down for a little while?
#90
Take a break.
#91
Oh! Are you almost off?
#92
Are you off soon?
#93
Should you sit and have dinner with me tonight?
#94
No, got a long shift.
#95
Uh, I cannot do that.
#96
Uh, maybe I could at least get a drink order?
#97
We're really busy tonight.
#98
Does the Groupon cover drinks?
#99
Nope.
#100
Just the tap water, then.
#101
I can't believe this.
#102
They still haven't paid tribute.
#103
It's been ten minutes.
#104
Not a wave, not a nod.
#105
Have you seen them do anything to acknowledge us?
#106
I thought we agreed that we would not let it get to us.
#107
It's not getting to me.
#108
It's just, you know, a little bit rude, is all I'm saying.
#109
It's, you know, irritating.
#110
Whatever, I don't care.
#111
I'm... I'm over it.
#112
'Kay.
#113
How good is their table, though?
#114
Oh, um... Don't-don't look directly at them.
#115
Jesus Christ, just, you know, glance around the room a little
#116
bit, and just, you know, land on them.
#117
Glance around the room?
#118
Yeah.
#119
Too obvious!
#120
Well, how do you want me to look at them?
#121
With your eyes, just look with your eyes.
#122
Be subtle, be small.
#123
My eyes, they slant down.
#124
I don't have a good peripheral.
#125
Okay, can you just be subtle?
#126
It's a good table.
#127
It's a good table.
#128
How'd they get a better table than us?
#129
Uh, I don't know.
#130
Dennis, can we just focus on us?
#131
Yeah.
#132
It's our monthly dinner, all right?
#133
Don't let them ruin it.
#134
Okay?
#135
I have some issues that I want to talk to you... Aw, shit. Really?
#136
No, I... Look, let's-let's keep things light; I don't want to get all heavy.
#137
Let's not let tonight become more unpleasant than it's already become, okay?
#138
I mean, already I'm irritated.
#139
I'm... I'm already sitting in the wobbliest chair in the entire restaurant.
#140
All right, well, we'll just ask the waiter for a book of matches.
#141
I don't want to sit on a pile of matches.
#142
Look, I'll just scoot back.
#143
It's fine. It's fine.
#144
Oh, but now I feel like... you're sitting so far away from me.
#145
It's gonna be fine!
#146
This is a perfectly suitable distance for us to have our monthly dinner.
#147
Goddamn it.
#148
I am so sorry.
#149
Are you?!
#150
His chair's wobbly.
#151
Oh, okay.
#152
Let me get you a book of matches to put under there.
#153
I don't want to sit on a pile of matches.
#154
Dennis, it's not like your chair's gonna catch on fire.
#155
Oh, Christ, I'm not worried about my chair catching on fire.
#156
Look, sir, can you just get us a better table in general?
#157
Unfortunately, no.
#158
We're fully booked tonight due to a Groupon deal.
#159
Oh, that sounds excellent.
#160
We'll have one of those.
#161
No, we won't.
#162
We don't need a coupon.
#163
Frankly, I'm disappointed in you people.
#164
This is Gugino's.
#165
You're supposed to be the nicest restaurant in Philadelphia.
#166
Here I am, a regular, a full-paying customer, and I'm sat by the kitchen on the
#167
wobbliest chair in Philadelphia.
#168
You know, forced to eat dinner with this swarm of coupon-waving trash.
#169
This is crazy!
#170
You know what?
#171
Forget it, doesn't matter.
#172
Get me a pile of matches to sit on... that'll be fine.
#173
Okay.
#174
No, wait, wait, wait.
#175
There's more.
#176
There's an old, short, fat man here.
#177
He's sat with his young sleeping partner.
#178
Bring them a glass of the house red from us.
#179
Of course.
#180
Although the table did just order cocktails, so maybe...
#181
I don't need their entire life story.
#182
Just go get the wine.
#183
Well, that was a nice gesture.
#184
Was it?
#185
Charlie.
#186
Hmm?
#187
Stop looking over there.
#188
Can we just go over and say a quick hello, all right?
#189
Then it's done with.
#190
There's no more awkwardness.
#191
Charlie, I am the oldest one in the group.
#192
If anybody's gonna say a quick hello, it's them to me.
#193
I just feel like it's gonna become a bigger deal than it needs to be, you know?
#194
Then forget it.
#195
Yeah?
#196
This is our night, Charlie.
#197
All right.
#198
Listen. I prepared a few words for the evening.
#199
All right?
#200
Okay.
#201
All right.
#202
Charlie, I want to talk about where we are.
#203
Where we've been.
#204
And where we're going to be.
#205
Where are we going?
#206
Don't interrupt.
#207
Living with you has... changed my life.
#208
I-I used to be unaware... Hi, sorry to bother you.
#209
What are you doing, man?
#210
I'm in the middle of something here.
#211
Get out of here!
#212
Of course.
#213
I just wanted to deliver a glass of our house red from the two
#214
gentlemen near the kitchen.
#215
Beat it.
#216
Well, great.
#217
See, there's your tribute, Frank.
#218
Awesome.
#219
Now can we go over and say a quick hello?
#220
No, no.
#221
I'm in the middle of saying some words to you.
#222
Yeah, but you said 'em, and they were weird, like... All right, you know what?
#223
How about I just stand and I bow?
#224
No. Ignore them.
#225
This is ridiculous.
#226
I mean, that was a very nice gesture.
#227
Was it?
#228
One glass of wine for two people, and house red?
#229
That wasn't nice.
#230
They're just trying to agitate us.
#231
Mm.
#232
Well, two can play at that game.
#233
Hey.
#234
Ooh, hey!
#235
You, help.
#236
Over here.
#237
Me?
#238
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you, please.
#239
Help. Help me.
#240
Sit, sit, please sit.
#241
Help.
#242
Is everything okay?
#243
No, everything's not okay.
#244
There are men here, and they're watching me.
#245
Oh, shit!
#246
Shh!
#247
Just look at me, just look right at me.
#248
Everything's gonna be fine, but I'm in a lot of shit. Okay?
#249
So I need your help.
#250
Oh, good.
#251
You have a friend.
#252
Hi.
#253
Can I take your order now?
#254
Yes.
#255
I'm not with her.
#256
There is some shit going down right now.
#257
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
#258
He's just...
#259
Please, let's order.
#260
Look, you told me you was in trouble.
#261
I don't know what's happening here.
#262
No, it's okay, I'm fine.
#263
Do you want to split an appetizer?
#264
No, I don't need this shit.
#265
Well... oh.
#266
You know, if you just order, we can get your food out really
#267
quickly, and you wouldn't have to be embarrassed about being
#268
here alone for very long.
#269
All right?
#270
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
#271
I-I'm gonna go ahead and order when I'm goddamn good and ready to order.
#272
Is that table having a meal consisting only of loud noise,
#273
screams, and hollers?
#274
Uh, they seem to be celebrating something.
#275
Ooh, could be a tactical victory.
#276
What do you think?
#277
Sure.
#278
Whoo!
#279
Okay, how's the chair now?
#280
Still wobbly.
#281
Why don't you just get me a new chair?
#282
I don't think it's the chair.
#283
You don't think it's the chair?
#284
Well, maybe my old pal, uh, Abraham Lincoln begs to differ.
#285
Oh, okay, yeah, uh... You can just hand it to me.
#286
Hello.
#287
Your waiter.
#288
Great.
#289
Hi.
#290
Can you get him a new chair?
#291
Sure.
#292
Oh, oh!
#293
Maybe this George Washington will make it come here faster.
#294
Okay.
#295
This wine is for you.
#296
Ah, management sent us a bottle to accommodate us.
#297
Actually, it was your friends over at the other table.
#298
And they wanted me to relay to you that it's our most expensive bottle.
#299
They said to say that.
#300
That's a classy move.
#301
I'm gonna stand up and bow.
#302
No. Do not stand and bow.
#303
Let me think.
#304
We've got to do something in return.
#305
Mm-hmm.
#306
I'll tell you what.
#307
We'll send it back.
#308
You know?
#309
We'll say, we don't want that.
#310
You know? We'll-we'll tell them that, uh, what is it, Chilean
#311
wine is out of season, and that their taste in wine in general is very poor.
#312
No, that's... we got to be more subtle than that.
#313
I don't want them to know that we're thinking about them.
#314
What are you doing?
#315
What are you doing?
#316
Are you staring at them?
#317
Yeah, dude, Charlie's looking right at me.
#318
Stop it.
#319
Dude, stop it.
#320
Okay, stop looking, stop... All right, you know what, goddamn it?
#321
I'm just gonna pour the wine out.
#322
Goddamn it!
#323
That son of a bitch is pouring out my wine.
#324
Look... can you just let it go, Frank?
#325
Okay?
#326
You're ruining this night for me, okay?
#327
I-I'm sure he had a perfectly good reason for pouring out a glass of wine.
#328
I want to go over there.
#329
Yeah.
#330
Yeah, yeah.
#331
Just like he had a perfectly good reason for not inviting you to dinner.
#332
He had a good... Wait.
#333
What do you mean by that?
#334
Don't make me say it, Charlie.
#335
I know you're not as dumb as you seem.
#336
Well, let's just say that I am.
#337
Those two guys don't give a shit about you, Charlie.
#338
You bought a business together;
#339
they made you a janitor.
#340
Eh, they didn't make me a janitor; there was a... Mm?
#341
Oh, my God.
#342
It's time to fire back.
#343
Aw, I gotta get over there.
#344
Hi, ma'am. Sorry to bug you again.
#345
Oh, my God.
#346
I'll just take a plate of spaghetti.
#347
Oh, great.
#348
Didn't expect that.
#349
Uh, actually, I was coming over to see if I could take your chair.
#350
What? No.
#351
What for?
#352
I'm trying to accommodate that gentleman over there.
#353
Oh, goddamn it.
#354
Uh, that's a dig.
#355
All right, fine.
#356
Take the chair, but I tell you what, when you're over there?
#357
Tie his shoelaces together.
#358
You want me to... tie a customer's shoelaces together?
#359
Uh... Look, I'm in the biz, guy.
#360
I'm a waitress, okay?
#361
Look, let's team up and stick it to that guy.
#362
It'll be hilarious.
#363
I would lose my job.
#364
Uh...
#365
"Oh, no, I-I would lose my job.
#366
And I wouldn't be able to work at Gugino's anymore, and my
#367
family, and they'd be so disappointed 'cause they're currently so proud of my
#368
accomplishments."
#369
I mean, God, lighten up, guy.
#370
I'm gonna take the chair.
#371
Fine, take the goddamn chair.
#372
Just don't make a big scene.
#373
How's the new chair?
#374
Oh, it's terrible, Mac.
#375
Thank you for asking.
#376
It might be worse than the first one.
#377
I mean, I cannot find a single flat spot in this entire restaurant.
#378
Maybe that's it. I'm just... Goddamn it!
#379
This entire night is ruined.
#380
Dude, stop it!
#381
Okay?
#382
You're the one who's ruining this.
#383
I am enjoying myself.
#384
I'm enjoying our table.
#385
I'm trying to start the conversations.
#386
I wore two colognes.
#387
Oh, I'm very aware of how much cologne you're wearing, Mac.
#388
It's overwhelming me.
#389
I mean, every time the goddamn kitchen door opens, it wafts into my face.
#390
Hey, I like the way I smell.
#391
And I like me.
#392
And I haven't even gotten to talk about what I wanted to talk
#393
about, which is an issue that has been weighing on me, so I'm
#394
just gonna say it, okay?
#395
When I wanted to get the karaoke machine for our apartment, you
#396
laughed in my face.
#397
That's what this is about?
#398
Yes.
#399
The karaoke machine?
#400
Mac, you can't sing.
#401
It's not about singing!
#402
Okay?
#403
It's about you always putting me down, and... you know what?
#404
I don't care; it doesn't matter.
#405
I'm out of here.
#406
Where you going?
#407
I'm gonna go sit with Frank and Charlie.
#408
Do not go to them.
#409
No, sit down, sit.
#410
Sit!
#411
Say something nice to me.
#412
What?
#413
I'm not going to sit down until you say something nice to
#414
me for once in your life.
#415
Your hair looks small.
#416
Oh, for... Okay, okay, okay, man.
#417
All right, sit down, sit down.
#418
Sit.
#419
Please sit down.
#420
Okay, listen, listen.
#421
You remember that night at Dooley's pool party?
#422
On that fine summer eve, when I did that double jackknife twist
#423
and blew everybody's tits off?
#424
You remember that?
#425
And then I went down on Chrissie Orlando on the trampoline later that night?
#426
You're just complimenting yourself.
#427
No, listen, I'm going somewhere with this.
#428
The only reason I was even able to attempt that amazing feat of
#429
courage was... because I knew if I failed, you would...
#430
Everybody.
#431
Hello!
#432
All the patrons of Gugino's, listen up.
#433
Hi, everybody.
#434
Frank Reynolds, Charlie Kelly.
#435
We would like to make a toast.
#436
Now, in front of you, you each see, you have a glass of sambuca?
#437
You see this white, beautiful drink?
#438
Yeah. Okay, everyone got it?
#439
Yeah.
#440
Dude, everybody has sambuca but us.
#441
Now we have an American hero tonight, so quick round of
#442
applause for our troop here.
#443
Nice-looking fellow.
#444
And to anyone who does not have a glass of sambuca... Look around now.
#445
You'll see them.
#446
Those people refuse to drink.
#447
Yeah. They don't know how to pay tribute.
#448
They hate America!
#449
They hate the troops.
#450
Mm.
#451
They hate the people who work hardest for them.
#452
They turn them into janitors.
#453
Mm, mm.
#454
It's not right. Aah!
#455
Damn 'em to hell.
#456
To the troops!
#457
To the troops.
#458
Cheers.
#459
To America!
#460
Good job, fellas.
#461
We did it.
#462
This is unbelievable, Mac.
#463
You know, and they totally ruined our heartfelt moment.
#464
Now, there's a way we can get it back... if you just kind of jump...
#465
No, you fool!
#466
That time has passed.
#467
Can't you see they're humiliating us?
#468
Just tell me what you were gonna tell me.
#469
I'm not gonna stand for this.
#470
I'm not.
#471
Just, Dennis... Come on, man!
#472
Goddamn it!
#473
Ma'am?
#474
Uh-huh.
#475
Please return to your table?
#476
Oh, you know what?
#477
I'm gonna sit next to the hero.
#478
I used to date a troop.
#479
He was crazy for jean shorts.
#480
Attention, uh, attention, everyone, please.
#481
If I could have your attention momentarily. Thank you.
#482
We do have an American hero in the house tonight.
#483
A strong man, a brave man.
#484
He's the kind of man who knows exactly who he is.
#485
He doesn't hide under a toupee.
#486
He faces his challenges, instead of just retreating to the
#487
sewers... nude to forage for rings and coins.
#488
Or to the toilets.
#489
Or to a life filled with rats.
#490
He's the kind of man who gives me the courage to do an amazing
#491
double jackknife twist, which I did.
#492
Most of you people wouldn't even attempt that.
#493
I did it.
#494
And to go down on Chrissy Orlando on the trampoline later,
#495
on the very same night, which I also did.
#496
And I licked her asshole a little bit.
#497
It was pretty good.
#498
It was all right.
#499
It wasn't great.
#500
But it was fine.
#501
And I knew that it was gonna be fine because this guy would be
#502
here to catch me if I faltered.
#503
Yeah. The world is a safer place when he's around.
#504
* Did you ever know That you're my hero?
#505
'Cause you are the wind Beneath my wings. *
#506
Thank you.
#507
Thanks.
#508
Thank you.
#509
Wow, dude.
#510
I mean, that was so touching.
#511
Oh.
#512
That's an amazing thing you said about the troop.
#513
Now, can we get back to the karaoke machine?
#514
Because I... I was talking about you.
#515
That was about me?
#516
Yes. He wasn't there when I went down on Chrissy Orlando.
#517
I did not get that at all.
#518
I'm sor... Dennis, that's really sweet.
#519
Thank you.
#520
I'm sorry. What's happening?
#521
Is it freezing in here all of a sudden?
#522
Yeah, and it's... freezing.
#523
Air is blowing directly on us. What...?
#524
I mean, what is happening?
#525
Those goddamn sons of bitches.
#526
They turned up the A/C.
#527
Because they knew we were sitting right underneath a vent.
#528
And they're trying to freeze us out.
#529
I didn't have your back before, but now I'm gonna be the wind
#530
beneath your wings.
#531
I'm gonna smash this over their goddamn heads.
#532
Yes, Mac. Yes! Yes!
#533
I'm gonna blast 'em with this fire extinguisher.
#534
Okay, I'll toss hot soup in their faces.
#535
I'll pinch their dicks with this lobster.
#536
Let's do it.
#537
What are you people doing?
#538
Excuse me. Excuse me.
#539
What are you people doing?
#540
Son a bitch!
#541
Hey, his shoelaces are tied together.
#542
What?
#543
Oh, my God!
#544
Somebody tied his shoelaces together.
#545
His shoes are tied.
#546
Spaghetti-O, the waiter.
#547
I've wanted to see that all night long.
#548
Yes. Yes. Oh, my God, who do we have to thank for this?
#549
Who?
#550
Oops.
#551
Deandra did it?
#552
Oh! Dee did it! It was Dee.
#553
Dee.
#554
Have you been here this entire time?
#555
Yeah, the whole time.
#556
Oh, great job, Dee.
#557
Great job.
#558
Oh, Dee.
#559
Hey, clash. Salud, huh?
#560
Salud.
#561
Guys? Guys, I'm really hurt.
#562
Back at the table!
#563
I want to hear some jokes out of you tonight.
#564
You want to try this coat on?
#565
It's gotta look good on you, dude. Put that hat on.
#566
Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com
#567
Of all the goddamn nights.
#568
Can't believe they haven't come over to pay me tribute yet.
#569
I was here first.
#570
I know they see me.
#571
They're probably over there right now making fun of me.
#572
I get it, guys.
#573
You know what they're doing?
#574
They're calling me "Scarecrow."
#576
Real funny.
#577
You know what?
#578
There's no shame in a woman, an adult woman, taking herself out
#579
to dinner, enjoying her own company... I'm not gonna leave.
#580
I'm not gonna leave because I don't have to, and also I can't
#581
because I have a Groupon for this evening that expires tonight.
#582
It does expire tonight, doesn't it?
#583
Uh, yeah.
#584
I... Yes, it does.
#586
Are you going to order now?
#587
Well, I'm trying to have a conversation with you.
#588
Why don't you sit down for a little while?
#589
Take a break.
#590
Oh! Are you almost off?
#591
Are you off soon?
#592
Should you sit and have dinner with me tonight?
#593
No, got a long shift.
#594
Uh, I cannot do that.
#596
We're really busy tonight.
#598
Nope.
#599
Just the tap water, then.
#600
I can't believe this.
#601
They still haven't paid tribute.
#602
It's been ten minutes.
#603
Not a wave, not a nod.
#605
I thought we agreed that we would not let it get to us.
#606
It's not getting to me.
#607
It's just, you know, a little bit rude, is all I'm saying.
#608
It's, you know, irritating.
#609
Whatever, I don't care.
#610
I'm... I'm over it.
#614
Jesus Christ, just, you know, glance around the room a little
#615
bit, and just, you know, land on them.
#616
Glance around the room?
#617
Yeah.
#618
Too obvious!
#619
Well, how do you want me to look at them?
#621
Be subtle, be small.
#622
My eyes, they slant down.
#623
I don't have a good peripheral.
#625
It's a good table.
#626
It's a good table.
#627
How'd they get a better table than us?
#629
Dennis, can we just focus on us?
#630
Yeah.
#631
It's our monthly dinner, all right?
#632
Don't let them ruin it.
#633
Okay?
#635
No, I... Look, let's-let's keep things light; I don't want to get all heavy.
#636
Let's not let tonight become more unpleasant than it's already become, okay?
#637
I mean, already I'm irritated.
#638
I'm... I'm already sitting in the wobbliest chair in the entire restaurant.
#640
I don't want to sit on a pile of matches.
#641
Look, I'll just scoot back.
#642
It's fine. It's fine.
#643
Oh, but now I feel like... you're sitting so far away from me.
#644
It's gonna be fine!
#645
This is a perfectly suitable distance for us to have our monthly dinner.
#646
Goddamn it.
#647
I am so sorry.
#648
Are you?!
#649
His chair's wobbly.
#650
Oh, okay.
#651
Let me get you a book of matches to put under there.
#652
I don't want to sit on a pile of matches.
#653
Dennis, it's not like your chair's gonna catch on fire.
#654
Oh, Christ, I'm not worried about my chair catching on fire.
#656
Unfortunately, no.
#657
We're fully booked tonight due to a Groupon deal.
#658
Oh, that sounds excellent.
#659
We'll have one of those.
#660
No, we won't.
#661
We don't need a coupon.
#662
Frankly, I'm disappointed in you people.
#663
This is Gugino's.
#665
Here I am, a regular, a full-paying customer, and I'm sat by the kitchen on the
#666
wobbliest chair in Philadelphia.
#667
You know, forced to eat dinner with this swarm of coupon-waving trash.
#668
This is crazy!
#669
You know what?
#670
Forget it, doesn't matter.
#672
Okay.
#673
No, wait, wait, wait.
#674
There's more.
#675
There's an old, short, fat man here.
#677
Bring them a glass of the house red from us.
#678
Of course.
#679
Although the table did just order cocktails, so maybe...
#680
I don't need their entire life story.
#681
Just go get the wine.
#682
Well, that was a nice gesture.
#683
Was it?
#684
Charlie.
#685
Hmm?
#686
Stop looking over there.
#688
Then it's done with.
#689
There's no more awkwardness.
#690
Charlie, I am the oldest one in the group.
#691
If anybody's gonna say a quick hello, it's them to me.
#692
I just feel like it's gonna become a bigger deal than it needs to be, you know?
#693
Then forget it.
#694
Yeah?
#696
All right.
#697
Listen. I prepared a few words for the evening.
#698
All right?
#699
Okay.
#700
All right.
#701
Charlie, I want to talk about where we are.
#702
Where we've been.
#703
And where we're going to be.
#704
Where are we going?
#705
Don't interrupt.
#707
I-I used to be unaware... Hi, sorry to bother you.
#708
What are you doing, man?
#709
I'm in the middle of something here.
#710
Get out of here!
#711
Of course.
#713
gentlemen near the kitchen.
#714
Beat it.
#715
Well, great.
#716
See, there's your tribute, Frank.
#717
Awesome.
#718
Now can we go over and say a quick hello?
#719
No, no.
#720
I'm in the middle of saying some words to you.
#723
No. Ignore them.
#724
This is ridiculous.
#725
I mean, that was a very nice gesture.
#726
Was it?
#727
One glass of wine for two people, and house red?
#728
That wasn't nice.
#729
They're just trying to agitate us.
#730
Mm.
#731
Well, two can play at that game.
#732
Hey.
#733
Ooh, hey!
#734
You, help.
#736
Me?
#737
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you, please.
#738
Help. Help me.
#739
Sit, sit, please sit.
#740
Help.
#741
Is everything okay?
#742
No, everything's not okay.
#743
There are men here, and they're watching me.
#744
Oh, shit!
#745
Shh!
#746
Just look at me, just look right at me.
#747
Everything's gonna be fine, but I'm in a lot of shit. Okay?
#748
So I need your help.
#749
Oh, good.
#750
You have a friend.
#751
Hi.
#752
Can I take your order now?
#753
Yes.
#754
I'm not with her.
#755
There is some shit going down right now.
#756
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
#757
He's just...
#758
Please, let's order.
#759
Look, you told me you was in trouble.
#760
I don't know what's happening here.
#761
No, it's okay, I'm fine.
#762
Do you want to split an appetizer?
#763
No, I don't need this shit.
#764
Well... oh.
#765
You know, if you just order, we can get your food out really
#766
quickly, and you wouldn't have to be embarrassed about being
#767
here alone for very long.
#768
All right?
#769
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
#770
I-I'm gonna go ahead and order when I'm goddamn good and ready to order.
#771
Is that table having a meal consisting only of loud noise,
#772
screams, and hollers?
#773
Uh, they seem to be celebrating something.
#774
Ooh, could be a tactical victory.
#775
What do you think?
#776
Sure.
#777
Whoo!
#778
Okay, how's the chair now?
#779
Still wobbly.
#780
Why don't you just get me a new chair?
#781
I don't think it's the chair.
#782
You don't think it's the chair?
#783
Well, maybe my old pal, uh, Abraham Lincoln begs to differ.
#784
Oh, okay, yeah, uh... You can just hand it to me.
#785
Hello.
#786
Your waiter.
#787
Great.
#788
Hi.
#789
Can you get him a new chair?
#790
Sure.
#791
Oh, oh!
#792
Maybe this George Washington will make it come here faster.
#793
Okay.
#794
This wine is for you.
#795
Ah, management sent us a bottle to accommodate us.
#796
Actually, it was your friends over at the other table.
#797
And they wanted me to relay to you that it's our most expensive bottle.
#798
They said to say that.
#799
That's a classy move.
#800
I'm gonna stand up and bow.
#801
No. Do not stand and bow.
#802
Let me think.
#803
We've got to do something in return.
#804
Mm-hmm.
#805
I'll tell you what.
#806
We'll send it back.
#807
You know?
#808
We'll say, we don't want that.
#809
You know? We'll-we'll tell them that, uh, what is it, Chilean
#810
wine is out of season, and that their taste in wine in general is very poor.
#811
No, that's... we got to be more subtle than that.
#812
I don't want them to know that we're thinking about them.
#813
What are you doing?
#814
What are you doing?
#815
Are you staring at them?
#816
Yeah, dude, Charlie's looking right at me.
#817
Stop it.
#818
Dude, stop it.
#819
Okay, stop looking, stop... All right, you know what, goddamn it?
#820
I'm just gonna pour the wine out.
#821
Goddamn it!
#822
That son of a bitch is pouring out my wine.
#823
Look... can you just let it go, Frank?
#824
Okay?
#825
You're ruining this night for me, okay?
#826
I-I'm sure he had a perfectly good reason for pouring out a glass of wine.
#827
I want to go over there.
#828
Yeah.
#829
Yeah, yeah.
#830
Just like he had a perfectly good reason for not inviting you to dinner.
#831
He had a good... Wait.
#832
What do you mean by that?
#833
Don't make me say it, Charlie.
#834
I know you're not as dumb as you seem.
#835
Well, let's just say that I am.
#836
Those two guys don't give a shit about you, Charlie.
#837
You bought a business together;
#838
they made you a janitor.
#839
Eh, they didn't make me a janitor; there was a... Mm?
#840
Oh, my God.
#841
It's time to fire back.
#842
Aw, I gotta get over there.
#843
Hi, ma'am. Sorry to bug you again.
#844
Oh, my God.
#845
I'll just take a plate of spaghetti.
#846
Oh, great.
#847
Didn't expect that.
#848
Uh, actually, I was coming over to see if I could take your chair.
#849
What? No.
#850
What for?
#851
I'm trying to accommodate that gentleman over there.
#852
Oh, goddamn it.
#853
Uh, that's a dig.
#854
All right, fine.
#855
Take the chair, but I tell you what, when you're over there?
#856
Tie his shoelaces together.
#857
You want me to... tie a customer's shoelaces together?
#858
Uh... Look, I'm in the biz, guy.
#859
I'm a waitress, okay?
#860
Look, let's team up and stick it to that guy.
#861
It'll be hilarious.
#862
I would lose my job.
#863
Uh...
#864
"Oh, no, I-I would lose my job.
#865
And I wouldn't be able to work at Gugino's anymore, and my
#866
family, and they'd be so disappointed 'cause they're currently so proud of my
#867
accomplishments."
#868
I mean, God, lighten up, guy.
#869
I'm gonna take the chair.
#870
Fine, take the goddamn chair.
#871
Just don't make a big scene.
#872
How's the new chair?
#873
Oh, it's terrible, Mac.
#874
Thank you for asking.
#875
It might be worse than the first one.
#876
I mean, I cannot find a single flat spot in this entire restaurant.
#877
Maybe that's it. I'm just... Goddamn it!
#878
This entire night is ruined.
#879
Dude, stop it!
#880
Okay?
#881
You're the one who's ruining this.
#882
I am enjoying myself.
#883
I'm enjoying our table.
#884
I'm trying to start the conversations.
#885
I wore two colognes.
#886
Oh, I'm very aware of how much cologne you're wearing, Mac.
#887
It's overwhelming me.
#888
I mean, every time the goddamn kitchen door opens, it wafts into my face.
#889
Hey, I like the way I smell.
#890
And I like me.
#891
And I haven't even gotten to talk about what I wanted to talk
#892
about, which is an issue that has been weighing on me, so I'm
#893
just gonna say it, okay?
#894
When I wanted to get the karaoke machine for our apartment, you
#895
laughed in my face.
#896
That's what this is about?
#897
Yes.
#898
The karaoke machine?
#899
Mac, you can't sing.
#900
It's not about singing!
#901
Okay?
#902
It's about you always putting me down, and... you know what?
#903
I don't care; it doesn't matter.
#904
I'm out of here.
#905
Where you going?
#906
I'm gonna go sit with Frank and Charlie.
#907
Do not go to them.
#908
No, sit down, sit.
#909
Sit!
#910
Say something nice to me.
#911
What?
#912
I'm not going to sit down until you say something nice to
#913
me for once in your life.
#914
Your hair looks small.
#915
Oh, for... Okay, okay, okay, man.
#916
All right, sit down, sit down.
#917
Sit.
#918
Please sit down.
#919
Okay, listen, listen.
#920
You remember that night at Dooley's pool party?
#921
On that fine summer eve, when I did that double jackknife twist
#922
and blew everybody's tits off?
#923
You remember that?
#924
And then I went down on Chrissie Orlando on the trampoline later that night?
#925
You're just complimenting yourself.
#926
No, listen, I'm going somewhere with this.
#927
The only reason I was even able to attempt that amazing feat of
#928
courage was... because I knew if I failed, you would...
#929
Everybody.
#930
Hello!
#931
All the patrons of Gugino's, listen up.
#932
Hi, everybody.
#933
Frank Reynolds, Charlie Kelly.
#934
We would like to make a toast.
#935
Now, in front of you, you each see, you have a glass of sambuca?
#936
You see this white, beautiful drink?
#937
Yeah. Okay, everyone got it?
#938
Yeah.
#939
Dude, everybody has sambuca but us.
#940
Now we have an American hero tonight, so quick round of
#941
applause for our troop here.
#942
Nice-looking fellow.
#943
And to anyone who does not have a glass of sambuca... Look around now.
#944
You'll see them.
#945
Those people refuse to drink.
#946
Yeah. They don't know how to pay tribute.
#947
They hate America!
#948
They hate the troops.
#949
Mm.
#950
They hate the people who work hardest for them.
#951
They turn them into janitors.
#952
Mm, mm.
#953
It's not right. Aah!
#954
Damn 'em to hell.
#955
To the troops!
#956
To the troops.
#957
Cheers.
#958
To America!
#959
Good job, fellas.
#960
We did it.
#961
This is unbelievable, Mac.
#962
You know, and they totally ruined our heartfelt moment.
#963
Now, there's a way we can get it back... if you just kind of jump...
#964
No, you fool!
#965
That time has passed.
#966
Can't you see they're humiliating us?
#967
Just tell me what you were gonna tell me.
#968
I'm not gonna stand for this.
#969
I'm not.
#970
Just, Dennis... Come on, man!
#971
Goddamn it!
#972
Ma'am?
#973
Uh-huh.
#974
Please return to your table?
#975
Oh, you know what?
#976
I'm gonna sit next to the hero.
#977
I used to date a troop.
#978
He was crazy for jean shorts.
#979
Attention, uh, attention, everyone, please.
#980
If I could have your attention momentarily. Thank you.
#981
We do have an American hero in the house tonight.
#982
A strong man, a brave man.
#983
He's the kind of man who knows exactly who he is.
#984
He doesn't hide under a toupee.
#985
He faces his challenges, instead of just retreating to the
#986
sewers... nude to forage for rings and coins.
#987
Or to the toilets.
#988
Or to a life filled with rats.
#989
He's the kind of man who gives me the courage to do an amazing
#990
double jackknife twist, which I did.
#991
Most of you people wouldn't even attempt that.
#992
I did it.
#993
And to go down on Chrissy Orlando on the trampoline later,
#994
on the very same night, which I also did.
#995
And I licked her asshole a little bit.
#996
It was pretty good.
#997
It was all right.
#998
It wasn't great.
#999
But it was fine.
#1000
And I knew that it was gonna be fine because this guy would be
#1001
here to catch me if I faltered.
#1002
Yeah. The world is a safer place when he's around.
#1003
* Did you ever know That you're my hero?
#1004
'Cause you are the wind Beneath my wings. *
#1005
Thank you.
#1006
Thanks.
#1007
Thank you.
#1008
Wow, dude.
#1009
I mean, that was so touching.
#1010
Oh.
#1011
That's an amazing thing you said about the troop.
#1012
Now, can we get back to the karaoke machine?
#1013
Because I... I was talking about you.
#1014
That was about me?
#1015
Yes. He wasn't there when I went down on Chrissy Orlando.
#1016
I did not get that at all.
#1017
I'm sor... Dennis, that's really sweet.
#1018
Thank you.
#1019
I'm sorry. What's happening?
#1020
Is it freezing in here all of a sudden?
#1021
Yeah, and it's... freezing.
#1022
Air is blowing directly on us. What...?
#1023
I mean, what is happening?
#1024
Those goddamn sons of bitches.
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