Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S06E09 — Dee Reynolds - Shaping America's Youth

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 6, Episode 9 — Dee Reynolds - Shaping America's Youth

#1
Here comes my main man, Matty.

#2
Time for a haircut, Matty, though.

#3
Don't make me give it to you.

#4
You the man, Professor.

#5
You're the man if you stay in school, JJ.

#6
All right.

#7
All right, you.

#8
Lisa, how's the GPA?

#9
Keep it up, up, up, up, up!

#10
Professor!

#11
Hey, there's my man.

#12
Oh, time-out, son!

#13
Hang on, son.

#14
Uh, did you forget something here?

#15
Sorry?

#16
This orange, it belong to you?

#17
Uh, no.

#18
Looks pretty good, not too peeled.

#19
Pretty intact here. You want it?

#20
No, thanks, I'm cool, Professor.

#21
You're cool? Well, when you're cool, you're cool.

#22
Hey, Dee, how's it going?

#23
Teacher's lounge. Pretty sweet.

#24
How'd you swing that?

#25
I'm a teacher now, Charlie.

#26
I'm subbing for Dr. Myers while he gets his hip fixed.

#27
Look at us with our new careers, huh?

#28
How about that?

#29
Well, yours is kinda the same, you know, 'cause you've

#30
always sort of been a janitor.

#31
Ah, but I'm thriving here, I'll tell you what.

#32
Uh-huh, yea Did you get that orange out of the garbage?

#33
I sure did.

#34
Can you believe that?

#35
Someone threw this away, perfectly good orange, you know?

#36
They were digging at it a little bit and must've

#37
given up, but... Don't eat trash, Charlie.

#38
I'll eat what I want to eat, okay?

#39
Miss Reynolds, please report to the front office immediately.

#40
You have an emergency call.

#41
Miss Reynolds, to the front office, please.

#42
Emergency?

#43
Jump on that.

#44
Hello.

#45
Yeah, hey, Dee, it's Dennis, Mac and Frank.

#46
Hey, what's the matter?

#47
I've only just heard, I've only just heard your belly's so

#48
fat, you make John Candy look like Lara Flynn Boyle.

#49
Snap!

#50
What?

#51
We've been on the snap-joke kick about your

#52
pregnant body, but since you're not around, we decided to call you.

#53
He's talking about Lara Flynn Boyle jokes.

#54
I think we got some better ones.

#55
Goddammit, guys.

#56
I am a teacher now.

#57
I don't have time for your shit, you dumbass dickbags!

#58
Wrong number. Sorry.

#59
Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

#60
Okay, good morning, everybody.

#61
Hi. Good morning.

#62
Uh, as you are all aware,

#63
Dr. Myers recently broke his hip, and

#64
unfortunately, I've been given some

#65
devastating news that he's taken a turn for the worse,

#66
and he's died.

#67
Now while we all feel robbed of him here on Earth,

#68
heaven above has just received another angel.

#69
And that is what you call...a monologue!

#70
You guys, you're all going to be doing your own monologues in this class.

#71
Now, they're not gonna be as good as mine just was, but listen,

#72
I don't want you to beat yourselves up for...

#73
Okay, okay, I'm confused.

#74
So, Dr. Myers isn't dead?

#75
No, no, no, not dead.

#76
Very much alive, but that's the power of acting.

#77
Do you see what I'm saying? One minute dead...

#78
The next minute alive... Resurrection.

#79
It's all acting. Everywhere there's acting.

#80
Let's talk about you guys.

#81
Why don't you tell me, uh, what your favorite play is.

#82
Raise your hand if you've ever seen live theater.

#83
Seriously? Are you kidding me?

#84
All right, that's it.

#85
I am taking you guys on a field trip to Broadway!

#86
I'm taking you to New York City.

#87
Yeah!

#88
Hey, fat bitch, how you doing today, Richard?

#89
He's a happy clown.

#90
Hey-hey-hey, break it up, break it up!

#91
Oh, come on.

#92
All right, which one of you guys did this?

#93
Who painted your face, kid?

#94
I did. He's a dumbass juggalo.

#95
Juggalos for life, bitch!

#96
Watch what you say, Richard.

#97
Hey, hey, you watch what you say!

#98
All right, you know what?

#99
I want the three of you out of the bathroom.

#100
I'm talking to the clown. Let's go.

#101
And I got my eyes on you guys for the rest of the year.

#102
Yeah, I've sized you up, I've strip you down.

#103
I don't like what I see.

#104
I'm not impressed.

#105
Big tough guys, huh? Big tough guys!

#106
All right, kid, what's going on with the clown makeup, though?

#107
You're sticking out like a sore thumb.

#108
That's 'cause I'm a juggalo... ICP! Insane Clown Posse, yo.

#109
I don't know what that... You have a posse? Well, good.

#110
Stick with your insane clown people, and you won't get jumped.

#111
They're a band, dude.

#112
I'm, like, a die-hard fan.

#113
We're called juggalos.

#114
Where are you real friends, dude?

#115
I lost all my friends.

#116
Aw, shit, man.

#117
I lost all my friends, too.

#118
All right, I'll tell you what.

#119
You know, if you want to wear your clown makeup in school, wear it.

#120
I got your back. You won't get jumped.

#121
Yeah, I ain't exactly allowed to wear my makeup in school, though.

#122
Oh, really?

#123
- Bunch of bullshit, dawg! - That is bullshit!

#124
All right, kid, today's your lucky day, all right?

#125
We're gonna talk to the principal, okay?

#126
'Cause the Professor just took an interest in ya!

#127
I'm bored to tears!

#128
Let's go harass Charlie and Dee.

#129
We don't need Charlie and Dee to have fun, okay?

#130
We can figure out something to do without them.

#131
Hey, you know, guys, now might be a good time to do our Lethal Weapon 5 reshoots.

#132
Why would we do reshoots on that? That movie was perfect.

#133
Yeah, I was great in it, and my villain was very evil.

#134
Yeah, no, you did a great job, Frank.

#135
I'm not talking about that. Your villain was amazing.

#136
I'm referring more at the black face.

#137
- With its all... - What's wrong with the black face?

#138
Well, I seriously regret switching parts with you halfway

#139
though and letting you play Murtaugh in blackface.

#140
I feel like it was in very poor taste in retrospect.

#141
I think it was in poor taste that you were doing Murtaugh in whiteface.

#142
I mean, for God's sakes, Dennis, what message does that send?

#143
A lot of great actors have done blackface.

#144
Oh, you know, there's countless examples of very classy actors doing blackface.

#145
Let's see, we've got the great C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man,

#146
we've got the Wayans brothers in White Chicks.

#147
That was a very tasteful example of reverse blackface.

#148
Okay, those are bad examples, okay?

#149
There's tons of good examples of old movies with... Frank, help me out.

#150
Laurence Olivier in Othello.

#151
Laurence Olivier in Othello, dude.

#152
That's, like, the classiest actor of all time. Perfect.

#153
Yeah, but I guarantee you there was some black people that

#154
were working on that movie that were, like, "Man, what dat white man doing?

#155
Come on. That ain't right. Get a black man."

#156
Okay, so hold on.

#157
What kind of voice is that?

#158
You're doing a black voice and that's not racist?

#159
I'm just saying that's how black people talk. That's not racist.

#160
So you would do a black guy with a black voice,

#161
but not a black guy with a black face?

#162
I don't have a problem at all with doing a black voice.

#163
That's just an accurate portrayal... I don't understand that, dude.

#164
I'm just saying it's just about doing it tastefully, okay?

#165
Yeah, and you got to make the lips funny.

#166
Oh, no! Oh, no!

#167
- No, no, no. What? - They have to be funny.

#168
The lips have to be outlined. It's not about being funny at all, okay?

#169
It's not about funny.

#170
It's about... Oh, my God, I'm getting pissed off!

#171
Well, you can't do the voice without the lips.

#172
Okay, all right, everybody calm down.

#173
Clearly, we're not gonna come to any conclusions here today,

#174
so let's move past it.

#175
Let's do something else.

#176
Okay, right.

#177
We can find something to do.

#178
Let's just figure it out.

#179
Let's just figure it out.

#180
Let's put our heads together.

#181
Come on. Think, think.

#182
So, you want to take them to New York.

#183
Yes, to Broadway.

#184
And I tell you what, I brought it up... the kids are super stoked about it.

#185
Now, let's talk hotel rooms.

#186
Um, you know, I-I... I guess the first point I'd like to... to make... Mm-hmm?

#187
...uh, Miss Reynolds, is, uh, you are a substitute.

#188
That's right.

#189
So I really don't think you should be hauling students across state lines.

#190
Hmm.

#191
Secondly... secondly, the funding for arts programs here

#192
is pretty much... it's pretty much nonexistent.

#193
Oh.

#194
It's shameful, but that's the way it is, so even if I did have

#195
the money, I would never... and I emphasize never... give it to

#196
someone whom I've just met.

#197
Knock, knock, knock.

#198
Uh, am I interrupting?

#199
Yes, we're right in the middle of something.

#200
Hey, Dee.

#201
She's not giving you too much trouble, is she?

#202
No.

#203
Oh, my gosh.

#204
So you two know each other.

#205
No, we met in the... Yeah, we're best friends.

#206
Best friends.

#207
We're best friends. Excellent.

#210
That's odd, because you're a janitor.

#211
Yeah, uh, but Ritchie here is a hell of a kid, and he's struggling.

#213
Juggalo, bro.

#214
Juggalo... he's a juggalo.

#215
It's sort of a clown posse.

#216
I figured you and I were getting tight enough that I could maybe

#218
Uh, well, uh... you know, it's school policy that no one

#219
should paint their face.

#220
So... that's the rule, and that's the end of that.

#221
- That's the rule. - Yep.

#222
- There's no wiggle room there. - No.

#223
All right, tell you what.

#224
I'll take him down to the locker room, I'll lather him up real

#225
good, I'll strip all these silly-ass clothes off him, and

#226
I'll clean him, sparking clean.

#227
Brand-new kid for you.

#228
Bring him back up.

#229
No, no, no, please, don't bathe the students.

#230
You're right.

#231
He's a big man. He can bathe himself, can't you, Rich?

#233
Let's go, Ritchie.

#234
You're getting cleaned up.

#235
Come on!

#236
Oh, I'd rather you didn't do that, either.

#237
Okay, there it is.

#240
Okay, this is a terrible example of blackface.

#241
This guy isn't even trying to look like a real person.

#242
Well he almost got the mouth right...

#243
That's what I'm saying about the lips.

#244
They got to be... The lips are the most offensive part.

#245
Look, the guy is bugging his eyes out like a cartoon character, okay?

#248
You just cannot cast a white man as a black man and paint his face black.

#249
- You can't do it. - They're actors.

#250
They're trying to create an illusion.

#251
You know, in the Lord of the Rings movie, Ian McKellen plays a wizard.

#252
Do you think he goes home at night and shoots laser beams

#253
into his boyfriend's asshole?

#254
I don't think so, dude.

#255
Tom Cruise is a midget, all right, but he plays guys that

#257
Yeah, but again, nobody's buying that, either.

#258
Okay, look. Look at this.

#259
This is Laurence Olivier in Othello, and this is James Earl Jones.

#260
Now, look at how close they look.

#262
James Earl Jones has a black face! He's a black man.

#263
- He's not black. James Earl Jones... - Of course, he's black!

#265
Darth Vader was black?

#266
See, okay, there we go. Darth Vader was not black.

#267
They took the mask off. He was white.

#268
I'm telling you, look, look. We got to agree on this.

#269
The whole idea is getting the right color shoe polish.

#270
No!

#271
Oh, Frank, if you're starting with shoe polish, you're

#272
starting off on the wrong foot, buddy. No way.

#273
Shoe polish? Come on.

#274
And he's on your side.

#275
Stop arguing for me, okay?

#276
- I got it. - Hold on, this is Dee.

#277
Let-let's... Hey, hey, Dee, uh, can you weigh in on something for us?

#278
We're trying... Hey, no, no time.

#279
Uh, listen, I need you to do something for me.

#280
Can you clear out the bar?

#281
Because I'm going to bring some students from the classroom

#283
Why?

#284
Because I need these kids to respect me, you know, and I want

#285
to show them how cool I am, so... plus I feel like this

#286
would be a really good opp... Oh, Dennis, Dennis, cover it up, cover it up.

#288
Then we can get an audience to weigh in.

#289
That's not a bad idea.

#290
We can really take the temperature on this with a large group.

#291
Yeah. Kids are honest as shit.

#292
Yeah.

#293
Hi! Hello!

#294
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Dee, we're on it.

#295
We'll take care of the movie.

#296
No, no, you're not taking care of the movie.

#297
You're not railroading me on this, okay?

#298
This is my thing, it's my movie. Don't... I'll do the movie.

#299
No, Dee, it's a classic. Okay? It's Shakespeare.

#300
Othello, Laurence Olivier. Come on.

#301
Othello.

#302
Oh, I'm sorry. I have to apologize.

#303
That's actually a really good idea.

#304
Ooh, plus it'll give me the opportunity... Okay, enough of that.

#305
Guys, let's get set up for a screening.

#306
All right, let's do it.

#307
Uh, gentlemen, hello. How do you do?

#308
Long time, no see.

#309
I'd like to introduce you to my protégé Ritchie.

#310
- Ritchie, these are the guys. - Oh.

#311
Hello. What up? Juggalo for life.

#312
- What the hell is he talking about? - Drop it with the whole juggalo thing.

#313
You're embarrassing me.

#314
Okay, now, I know you're all super stoked about watching

#315
a movie in a bar, but we're just going to keep it on the down-low.

#316
You know what I mean?

#317
We don't need your parents and the principal finding out.

#318
It's just our little secret.

#319
- I've been in a bar before. - No, you haven't.

#320
I've been in this bar before, so... Okay, you know what?

#321
Let's just watch the movie and stop with our smart mouths.

#322
Without further ado, Othello.

#323
So I guess this is a Shakespearean movie.

#324
It's going to be a little bit boring.

#325
Oh, shit, Lethal Weapon 5!

#326
This is great.

#327
What the hell is this?

#328
It's our movie.

#329
It's a much more modern-day example of blackface.

#330
Yeah, it's the most direct way to clear up our argument,

#331
Dee, so... What argument?

#332
What are you talking about?

#333
The movie's on.

#334
This is a good movie, Ritchie.

#335
You're going to enjoy this.

#336
Man, I ain't seen the first couple, though.

#337
Happy retirement, Rog.

#338
I'll be happy when I'm far away from your sorry ass, Riggs.

#339
Just blow out the candles, Rog, make a wish.

#340
Ah, I never know what to wish for with these damn things.

#341
That voice really is amazing, dude.

#342
Oh, thanks, man, thank you.

#343
Riggs, Murtaugh, bad news, fellas.

#344
Hey, Captain.

#345
Turns out another person just died from tainted tap water.

#346
Turns out someone taint... someone tapped the tainted water supply.

#347
We should have cut him out completely.

#348
The person who just died was your wife.

#349
Riggs...

#350
Yeah, Rog.

#351
I just thought of my wish.

#352
You like sharks, Detective?

#353
Powerful and majestic creatures.

#354
What is going on?

#355
Where are you?

#356
Frank splurged on a green screen.

#357
Yeah, but he wouldn't pay for the green screen on our side,

#358
so... We're not in the back office.

#359
We're-we're in a casino.

#360
Why would I know anything about the tainted water?

#361
Maybe because your rival tribe owns the water rights to half of Los Angeles.

#362
I need clean drinking water, too!

#363
Even sharks need water.

#364
Excuse me. If you leave now, I have some pressing matter to deal with.

#365
Kinda comes out of nowhere, but at least it's classy.

#366
Here comes the turn.

#367
I don't know why we, uh...

#368
Oh, Chief!

#369
Don't say anything. Quiet!

#370
Quiet. Good. Very nice. Oh!

#371
Oh, come on.

#372
This is unwatchable.

#373
Gotta dive in.

#374
Just finish already!

#375
Now that you're Riggs and not Murtaugh, and I have caught

#376
you, you are going to get it.

#377
Wait. You guys switched parts?

#378
Yeah, yeah.

#379
No!

#380
As more people die, the city will be looking to new resources

#381
for water like my tribe!

#382
- And you can bet your boots, Detective, that this time... - This is regrettable.

#383
You're supposed to be... a noble people.

#384
I tire of this conversation.

#385
Do you have any last words?

#386
Yeah, I got some last words.

#387
Go suck an egg.

#388
Oh, yeah, go suck an egg.

#389
Suck an egg?

#390
Sounds like you guys are having a great party.

#391
Why wasn't I invited?

#392
Oh!

#393
It's playing. It's playing.

#394
Son of a bitch.

#395
This is the greatest movie I've ever seen.

#396
Are you filming this, Ritchie?

#397
No. Come on, dude.

#398
That's-that's bootlegging.

#399
I'll get you a copy, don't bootleg.

#400
Okay, you want to dance?

#401
How about a little tainted tap water?

#402
Oh.

#403
Yes! Yes!

#404
Great job, Rog.

#405
That's one... fried turkey.

#406
All right. Let's get out of here.

#407
We got 'em... baby.

#408
I miss you, kid.

#409
d There's a hungry road backed with lonely hopes gonna eat me up... d

#410
Okay. Wow.

#411
I think that video says more than I ever could.

#412
As does that.

#413
- Right. - Mm-hmm.

#414
So... we're fired, yeah?

#415
Oh, absolutely.

#416
Yeah.

#417
Probably never should have been hired in the first place, though, huh?

#418
That was my bad.

#419
Right, that's on you.

#420
Yeah, I probably won't be here much longer myself.

#421
No, I don't imagine you will on account of the...

#422
I got something that might cheer us up...

#423
Aah... Who wants a little bit of...

#424
a little bit of deliciousness here?

#425
I'm not gonna eat that.

#426
Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

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