Home » I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson » S01E02 — Thanks For Thinking They Are Cool

I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson

Season 1, Episode 2 — Thanks For Thinking They Are Cool

#1
[rock instrumental playing]

#2
Ohhh!

#3
Whoa!

#4
That's a nice motorcycle.

#5
All right! [laughs]

#6
Wow!

#7
Beautiful motorcycle!

#8
Yes! Yeah!

#9
Motorcycle with no motor?

#10
Okay!

#11
[chuckles]

#12
What the heck?

#13
Two motorcycles with a little house in the middle?

#14
Wow, dude!

#15
Wow!

#16
[rock instrumental continuing]

#17
[music stops]

#18
[heavenly music playing]

#19
[triumphant music playing]

#20
[electricity crackling]

#21
Well?

#22
Yeah, guys... there's motorcycles.

#23
-Yeah! -[all cheering]

#24
And there's a lot of other stuff, too.

#25
[rock instrumental playing]

#26
There it is.

#27
[group exclaims]

#28
[all laughing]

#29
It's got a... It's got a little house in it.

#30
Come on, it's got a little house in it.

#31
Yeah!

#32
Yeah!

#33
Yes!

#34
["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]

#35
[woman] River Mountain High is sponsored by TC Topps TC Tuggers Shirts,

#36
the only shirt with a tugging knob.

#37
[school bell rings]

#38
[indistinct chatter]

#39
Hey. Am I seeing you tonight?

#40
I don't know, Brandon. I shouldn't even be talking to you.

#41
What's going on? You've been avoiding me all week.

#42
You're hiding something.

#43
What happened that night with Riley?

#44
Look, I told you, we got in a fight, and she stormed off.

#45
That was the last I saw of her.

#46
Then why did Tyler see her in your car at 2:00 a.m.?

#47
Oh, God, Tyler! Tyler's a freak. Everybody knows that.

#48
He may be weird, but at least he didn't beat up Matt Simms

#49
in the locker room in front of everyone.

#50
Okay.

#51
Look... you can't say anything, but--

#52
All right, you two, get to class. The bell already rang.

#53
You can't be in the hall when the bell rang. The bell already rang.

#54
Sorry, Principal S.

#55
That's okay.

#56
That's a cool shirt.

#57
Yeah, it's a TC Topp from TC Tuggers,

#58
the only shirt that's got a little knob on the front

#59
so you can just pull it out when it gets trapped on your belly.

#60
It's very cool.

#61
Yeah, I was doing this all the time,

#62
and the wear and tear was wrecking my regular shirts.

#63
But TC Tuggers has this little knob on the front

#64
so you don't wreck your shirt, or hurt your hand.

#65
Yeah, that makes sense.

#66
Yeah, you know what I mean?

#67
'Cause when you go through the day,

#68
your shirt gets kind of bunched up,

#69
so I was wrecking my shirts

#70
'cause I was pulling them out subconsciously,

#71
but this has that knob,

#72
so you can just do it easily.

#73
-Awesome. Well, we'll get to class. -But they're not a joke.

#74
-What? -You don't make jokes about 'em,

#75
TC Tuggers.

#76
You don't wear 'em as a joke,

#77
you don't give 'em as a joke gift, or wear them ironically,

#78
or do pub crawls in 'em like the Snuggie.

#79
They're not like the Snuggie.

#80
Do they come in other styles?

#81
Not really.

#82
-[makes burbling noises] -[group laughing]

#83
Hey, cool hair, Dave.

#84
Thank you. I know.

#85
[continues making burbling noises]

#86
He's so comfortable in his skin.

#87
[man] You've been wearing a toupee for years,

#88
but you're tired of living a lie.

#89
You're ready to accept the real you,

#90
but you're in too deep.

#91
You can't go from hair to bald in one day.

#92
Hey, Dave.

#93
[menacing music playing]

#94
-Dave? -[man] Oh, my God, Dave.

#95
You're all-the-way bald.

#96
What happened to the head of hair you had yesterday?

#97
Uh...

#98
Was that a toupee, you piece of shit?

#99
Dang it.

#100
Well, now you can ween yourself off your toupee gently

#101
with Wilson's natural hair-loss system.

#102
It's easy. When you sign up, Wilson's will send 500 little wigs,

#103
each one balder than the last.

#104
Every 17 hours, replace your hairpiece with the next most bald one.

#105
But what if you don't have 52 weeks? You need to be bald right now.

#106
Wilson's has the solution for you.

#107
For the same price, we can get you bald in one day

#108
with Wilson's natural Fake Gorilla Attack hair-removal system.

#109
Wilson's will send a fake gorilla to a public place of your choosing

#110
to rip your entire hair clean off.

#111
-[heavy metal music playing] -Oh, my God, a gorilla!

#112
That chimp stole my hair!

#113
Wilson's. Now you can be the life of the party.

#114
[continues making comedic noises]

#115
-Ow! -What the hell are you doing?

#116
-You poked my wife in both eyes. -[door opens]

#117
-[heavy metal music playing] -Oh, my God, a gorilla!

#118
That's my real hair!

#119
[gorilla roaring]

#120
♪ Baby, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪

#121
♪ Mm, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪

#122
Here he comes.

#123
Sorry I'm late, everyone. It's very rude of me. I apologize.

#124
-[fart sound] -[group laughing]

#125
-[whispering] Oh, my God, I farted. -[group stops laughing]

#126
Um...

#127
Sorry about that, everyone.

#128
Could you excuse me for a second?

#129
I have to figure out what's going on.

#130
What the heck?

#131
There's a pink bag on my chair?

#132
Yeah, it's just a whoopee cushion. It's a prank.

#133
-On me? -No, it...

#134
-You know, it's just a joke. -What's the joke, exactly?

#135
What do you mean?

#136
My farts don't sound anything like that.

#137
My farts are long...

#138
and way louder.

#139
And they reek.

#140
So, what's the joke?

#141
That I had a milder fart than I normally do?

#142
That nobody's puking from my fart?

#143
Is that the joke?

#144
That I farted and no one barfed?

#145
'Cause that's pretty funny, actually.

#146
That'd be a great day for me.

#147
That'd be a great day for me, if I farted and nobody barfed.

#148
That's not the joke.

#149
It was just like...

#150
you know, what if you farted?

#151
I think we covered what would happen if I farted, Jane.

#152
You'd throw up your pretty little lunch.

#153
Okay, everyone, I think it's time to start the meeting.

#154
The whoopee cushion thing was stupid.

#155
Uh, Dana, you wanna bring us up to speed

#156
on what's happening in the Midwest division?

#157
[man] Can I just ask...

#158
what's next?

#159
-Just so I know, what's next? -Sorry?

#160
Cake batter in my pants, and make it look like I cum in my pants?

#161
What are you talking about?

#162
What's the next joke?

#163
Meatball down my leg, make it look like my ball sack ripped open?

#164
Brown pie in my undies, make it look like I shit my pants?

#165
Brown pudding in my shoes,

#166
make it look like I shooted diarrhea down my leg?

#167
Make me think I'm mighty sick?

#168
I'm rushed to the hospital, and there for hours,

#169
and I miss my family photo tonight.

#170
Is that the joke?

#171
That I miss my family photo tonight?

#172
Nobody wants you to miss your family photos.

#173
Then what's the joke?

#174
That while I'm on the operating table,

#175
a man is rushed in 'cause he was in a car accident,

#176
and he has a metal bolt through his head,

#177
but he bleeds out in the waiting room

#178
because the doctors are too busy

#179
trying to shove two meatballs in my scrotum

#180
and cake batter back in my penis?

#181
Is that the joke...

#182
on the man's widow?

#183
You got her, Jane. [chuckles]

#184
You really got her.

#185
This is a betrayal on levels that no one's ever seen!

#186
Permission to go home, lie down and watch some TV,

#187
and rest up so my face isn't beet red for my family photo tonight?

#188
Yes, yes.

#189
Thank you.

#190
["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]

#191
-Previously on River Mountain High... -You're hiding something.

#192
What happened that night with Riley?

#193
-That's a cool shirt. -Yeah, it's a TC Topp from TC Tuggers.

#194
-Do they come in other styles? -Not really.

#195
No, yeah, the style is just... Is just basically this.

#196
Well, thanks, Principal S.

#197
Yeah. Yeah, thank you for asking about the shirt

#198
and thinking it's cool, TC Tuggers.

#199
Yeah, I gotta go.

#200
Bye, Brandon.

#201
Think about what I said about TC Tuggers.

#202
Bye, Claire.

#203
So, what happened with Riley?

#204
["Are You Ready For This" by Clear Blue Fire playing]

#205
♪ One, two, three Now we're playing with the big boys ♪

#206
♪ Gonna take it to the street now We're gonna make a big noise ♪

#207
♪ Are you ready for this? ♪

#208
♪ Are you ready for this? ♪

#209
♪ Are you ready for this now? ♪

#210
♪ Are you ready for this? ♪

#211
♪ Are you ready for this? ♪

#212
[funky music playing]

#213
Coach is so much nicer on international flights.

#214
I hope they have good movies.

#215
Not me, I'm going right to sleep.

#216
-Going on a big vacation? -[sinister music playing]

#217
Uh, yeah, it's actually our honeymoon.

#218
Ah!

#219
Planning on relaxing? [chuckling]

#220
Mm-hm.

#221
Yeah. You want everything to be perfect.

#222
Yeah, we've actually been looking forward to this for a really long time, so...

#223
Sure you have, yeah.

#224
Yeah.

#225
[inhales]

#226
Is there anything you're looking forward to doing?

#227
Just all of it, pretty much.

#228
[laughs] Lots to do, yeah.

#229
You're gonna need your energy.

#230
Yeah. Yeah, I guess we are.

#231
You know, you want to make it your dream vacation.

#232
Yep.

#233
Are you going on a vacation, too?

#234
Oh, no, no, not me.

#235
Oh, business then, huh?

#236
[laughs]

#237
In a way.

#238
Well, we should probably get some shut-eye, so...

#239
Good. That sounds like a good idea, yeah.

#240
[sniffs]

#241
-[eerie xylophone playing] -♪ Hush, little baby, don't say a word ♪

#242
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird ♪

#243
I'm... I'm sorry, do I know you?

#244
No...

#245
[in sing-song voice] but I know you.

#246
[chuckles wickedly]

#247
It was 1982.

#248
I was 48, you were nine months.

#249
We were on a flight from JFK to London.

#250
Saw you immediately.

#251
A baby on a seven-hour flight.

#252
The first hour was bliss...

#253
then the crying started.

#254
-[menacing music playing] -Small whimpers at first,

#255
then came the shrieking.

#256
Louder.

#257
Louder.

#258
Louder.

#259
Till it filled the whole cabin.

#260
When I arrived in London, I was a shell of a man.

#261
Broken.

#262
You see, I had spent my entire life savings to go to London

#263
to see my beloved Buckingham Palace,

#264
so I could see if I could make those soldiers laugh.

#265
Because of you, I was too tired to do anything funny!

#266
And I vowed from that day forward that I would devote the rest of my life

#267
to getting my revenge on you, little baby.

#268
What are you saying?

#269
[chuckles]

#270
Airline seats?

#271
Seems like a crapshoot.

#272
Well, not if you go through someone's trash.

#273
You went through my trash?

#274
[chuckles wickedly]

#275
How do you think I got this?

#276
Oh, my God, what is that?

#277
-A rat bit me. -Jesus!

#278
It's not that gross.

#279
And now, here we are...

#280
the stars aligned.

#281
And now, I will exact my revenge.

#282
I'm gonna cry...

#283
the whole flight.

#284
[wailing]

#285
[continuing to wail]

#286
[woman] Sir?

#287
Sir?

#288
-What?! -You're in this man's seat.

#289
[man] No, I'm in my own seat.

#290
I'll show you my ticket right here.

#291
That's way back there.

#292
-But can't I stay here? -You can't just sit wherever.

#293
You can at some concerts.

#294
Sir, you're back there.

#295
Shit! Shit!

#296
Excuse me.

#297
Oh, that's a good idea,

#298
move in the direction of where I'm heading.

#299
Dumb piece of shit!

#300
-Hey. -Hey.

#301
[upbeat guitar band playing on earphones]

#302
[muffled wailing]

#303
[upbeat music continuing] g on earphones]

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