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» S01E13 — My Balancing Act
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Season 1, Episode 13 — My Balancing Act
#2
without ever seeing her face.
#4
be sure to play it cool.
#5
Yes! Yes!
#6
Yes! You are hot! Smokin' hot!
#7
In your face! Woo-hoo-hoo!
#9
Had our first dinner.
#10
Rented our first movie.
#11
Took our first long drive.
#12
- Look out! - [tires screeching]
#13
Killed our first raccoon.
#15
[beeping]
#16
No!
#17
Oh, it's Cox. He wants me back at the hospital.
#18
- But the page is addressed to Lillian. - Yup, that's me.
#19
What a drag.
#23
♪ I'm no Superman ♪
#24
Here's the deal. I have been coerced
#25
by the forces of evil into conducting rounds this morning.
#26
Why do you have to do rounds?
#27
Because I'm sleepy. How's that?
#28
In order to make this a more palatable experience for moi,
#29
I am not going to call you by your names.
#30
Instead, I'll be referring to you by
#31
whatever distinguishing physical characteristic occurs to me first.
#32
Okay, you, Chicken Beak.
#33
What causes pneumonia presenting with diarrhea?
#34
- Legionella. - Nice job.
#35
It turns out your mind's just as sharp as your nose. Woo!
#36
And you, Dye Job...
#37
What are the elements of Whipple's triad?
#38
Uh...
#41
[grunts]
#42
I can't remember. I am so sorry.
#43
Sorry? What in the hell are you sorry about?
#44
Dr. Kelso always yells at us when we don't know...
#45
Oh, children,
#46
you can't let that bloated bag of hate affect you like that.
#47
And besides, being a doctor is as much about
#48
finding the answers as it is about knowing them.
#49
For instance, take Clarabelle's patient here, Mr. Yeager.
#50
We have no idea what in the hell's wrong with him.
#51
So we have run tests for everything
#52
from meningitis to intracranial mass,
#53
and according to these results...
#54
Oh. Everything seems to have come back negative.
#55
Which doesn't necessarily mean that Clarabelle is a failure.
#56
It doesn't. It just means that she's got to keep trying,
#57
no matter how frustrated she just might get.
#58
Now, of course, if you are lazy and incompetent,
#59
then, yes, that will buy you a one-way ticket out of here.
#60
- Doug. - [whimpers]
#61
Mm-hmm. Listen carefully. Kelso can't do a damn thing
#62
to you if you just answer a question wrong.
#63
It doesn't work that way. Moving on.
#64
Not you. You still have work to do.
#65
- Johnny No-Tan? - Yes, sir!
#66
I'd like you to present the next patient to me.
#67
- I love you. - Hmm.
#68
Now say it in Spanish.
#69
Te amo.
#70
Now... say it like Astro.
#71
I ruv roo.
#72
You are very, very cute.
#73
I know. You know,
#74
- I've been thinking about this whole "I love you" thing. - Mm-hmm?
#75
It's gonna make everything so much better.
#76
I mean, we're so in sync. Better conversation...
#77
...better dancing...
#78
And?
#79
Way better shrumpdown.
#80
Oh.
#81
Yeah!
#82
[giggling]
#83
[music slows down, needle scratches]
#84
I'm so sorry.
#85
That has never happened to me before.
#86
Oh, man, she's beautiful.
#88
I am that piece of bacon.
#89
That's right.
#90
You mind not staring at me while I'm eating?
#91
I hate it.
#92
- But I'm not. I was... - What am I doing right now?
#93
- Eating. - What are you doing?
#94
Staring.
#95
Okay.
#96
There. Now no one gets to eat it.
#97
- You happy? - Not really.
#98
[Alex] Hey, you.
#99
Hi.
#100
- You know what's great about you working in the hospital? - Hmm?
#101
Even when our dates get interrupted,
#102
we can just have a date here.
#103
Like, let's say for instance, you wanted to watch a movie.
#104
We could just go to the conference room and watch that video on STDs.
#105
It's funny and it makes you think.
#106
Look, maybe it would be good if we actually had a date that...
#107
...ends.
#108
Well, how does a date with you end?
#109
It can range from a kiss at the door
#110
to "all I have for breakfast is yogurt and I'm out of bowls,
#111
so you'll have to eat off my stomach."
#112
[gulps] Tonight. Dinner. Hyde's.
#113
It's a date.
#114
[chuckling, growling]
#115
Judging from the ataxia dysarthria and mental status change,
#116
I've concluded that Mr. Yeager is suffering from... kuru.
#117
- Kuru? - Kuru.
#118
- Kuru? - Yes, kuru.
#119
- Wow. I'd actually never thought of that. - Hell, yeah.
#120
Were you aware that the only documented cases of kuru were
#121
members of a cannibalistic tribe in eastern Papua New Guinea?
#122
I was not.
#123
Actually, doc, I was in New Guinea just last week.
#124
- Really? - No.
#125
Newbie, do you happen to know what a zebra is?
#126
That patient just mocked me.
#127
It's a diagnosis of a ridiculously obscure disease
#128
when it's much more likely that the patient has a common illness
#129
presenting with uncommon symptoms.
#130
In other words, if you hear hoof beats,
#131
you just go ahead and think horsies, not zebras.
#132
Mm-kay, Mr. Silly Bear?
#133
[speaking Spanish]
#134
What's wrong?
#135
It's personal.
#136
Why won't you ever open up to me? I came to you
#137
when I thought I had a broken tailbone and it was just a really bad pimple.
#138
It's a sex thing. Okay?
#139
You mean like a gender issue or like intercourse?
#140
Because I'm book-smart on both.
#141
Carla?
#142
[sighs] Use me.
#143
So, last night, when I was with Carla...
#144
Dude, I am sorry. I can't talk.
#145
I really gotta figure this Mr. Yeager thing out.
#146
Cool.
#147
- Cool. - Okay.
#148
Let's just say my horse didn't finish the race.
#149
I'm at the filling station, but my credit card gets declined.
#150
- I'm on the jet ski... - I got it!
#151
Good. I had no idea what I was gonna say...
#152
No, no, no. Mr. Yeager.
#153
Hey, man, where you go...? Who am I going to talk to about sex?
#154
Let's get our talk on.
#155
Player to player.
#157
This patient is hypoglycemic.
#158
What would be the most telling sign of an insulinoma, Dr. Reid?
#159
Uh, elevated C-peptide levels.
#160
Score! But before you do your crazy end-zone dance,
#161
can you tell me the spinal fluid findings in Guillaume-Barré syndrome?
#162
- Uh, xanthochromia? - Wrong!
#163
And then it happened.
#165
Dr. Reid, what do you have to say for yourself?
#166
Win some, lose some.
#168
Booga! Booga! Booga! Booga!
#169
Not anymore.
#171
All right, welcome to the ICU!
#172
No, really, sit down. All right.
#173
It's a cookbook for women that don't know how. I put the Yellow Pages in there.
#174
What do you want? Mexican? Italian? Japanese?
#175
American cuisine? It's a cook...
#176
Whew, I'm flat-linin'. Beep!
#177
[grunting]
#178
Save him!
#179
Tip your nurses.
#181
[circus music]
#182
Cox.
#183
♪ Talk to me ♪
#184
♪ Talk to me ♪
#185
You know, that's really getting annoying.
#186
In fact, every time you say it,
#187
it makes me not want to talk to you all the more.
#188
♪ Talk to me ♪
#189
All right, fine!
#190
Last night, Turk and I were...
#191
...you know, messin' around...
#192
It's really hot, like always.
#193
Well, hot like how? Describe it.
#194
Dude!
#195
So, suddenly, things aren't happening. You know what I mean?
#196
I don't understand it. The only change is that we said "I love you" to each other.
#197
Okay, it's true.
#198
I have never said "I love you" to a woman before.
#199
Then how do you get them to sleep with you?
#200
It's three little words. It shouldn't have this effect, right?
#201
Anyway, I told him it wasn't his fault.
#202
These things happen occasionally.
#203
Try "constantly."
#204
Um, well, I have cold hands, and...
#205
So when I saw you in the hall this morning
#206
and I said "How's your penis?"
#207
and you didn't wanna talk about it...
#208
Dude.
#209
- It's not me. - It's me.
#210
Last night, for the first time ever in our relationship,
#211
no matter how long we tried,
#212
I was unable to have an...
#213
Uh...
#214
- Uh... - Oh!
#215
- Yeah. - Oh...
#216
Dr. Cox, I got the sed rate back on Mr. Yeager. Say "how do" to that.
#217
Alrighty, but then I'm due back at the hootenanny.
#218
I noticed he had a rash.
#219
Then I realized he's been having jaw claudication,
#220
- which led me to... - Temporal arteritis.
#221
Of course it is. Nurse, will you start Mr. Yeager
#222
on high-dose solumedrol and get the surgery resident?
#223
He needs a temporal artery biopsy stat.
#224
Newbie, I'm certain I can handle this.
#225
- You're off, aren't you? - Whatever. I'm with you.
#226
Fair enough. Let's go treat the patient.
#228
Hell, yeah.
#230
Please be here. Come on, Alex.
#232
You gotta be kidding me.
#233
There's a waste of a gift certificate.
#234
Cancel the cobbler!
#235
She's not having an orgasm.
#236
Still not seeing what the problem is.
#237
I, um...
#238
I've never even had an orgasm.
#239
Mmm.
#240
Oh, I'm sorry. I should be more surprised.
#241
That... That'd be nice.
#242
I want to talk to you about rounds.
#243
Here we go, Bobby. Bring it on.
#244
They're all yours.
#245
You will be leading them from now on.
#246
You've stunned me, but you haven't dropped me to the mat.
#247
Kinda waiting for the roundhouse here. The old haymaker, when...
#248
When the yelling starts and the voice gets high-pitched.
#249
"Daddy, I've been bad. Daddy, I've been a bad boy.
#250
Oh, Daddy! Oh, Daddy! Daddy, I've been bad."
#251
Ah, come on. If you're not gonna play, this is no fun.
#252
Hey, uh, Alex, I am so sorry.
#253
I went to the restaurant. I guess I just missed you.
#254
Then I called, but there was no answer,
#255
and then I actually stopped by, and...
#256
I guess you didn't see me which was odd,
#257
'cause I was standing next to the pizza guy while you were paying him.
#258
But, I, uh...
#259
We're still... cool, right?
#260
Look, J.D., uh...
#261
"Look, J.D., we're still great." Right?
#262
I... I think you're a really good guy. Okay? But...
#263
Alex dumped me.
#264
Ah, the blind girl you've been dating?
#265
- She's not blind. - Of course she's not.
#266
Okay, newbie, how'd you drop the ball? Don't tell me you cried,
#267
or I'll have you banned from the men's room again.
#268
I was just so excited what we were doing here last night, I just forgot about our date.
#270
I saw you.
#271
I just naturally assumed
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