Home » I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson » S01E05 — I'm Wearing One of Their Belts Right Now

I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson

Season 1, Episode 5 — I'm Wearing One of Their Belts Right Now

#1
[engine revs]

#2
-[tires screech] -[crashing]

#3
-Is everyone okay? -What happened? Did anyone see?

#4
Someone drove a hot-dog-shaped car through the window!

#5
The driver's gone.

#6
Somebody call the cops. We need to find that driver.

#7
They could have killed someone.

#8
[woman] Whose car is this?

#9
Yeah, come on! Whoever did this, just confess.

#10
We promise we won't be mad.

#11
What?

#12
We'll close our eyes,

#13
just take your car and get out of here.

#14
Sir, that's clearly your car.

#15
Wrong!

#16
-Someone call the police! -Yeah, that's one idea.

#17
Or we could work as a team,

#18
find out whoever did this, and punish him ourselves.

#19
Maybe take his bare butt out of his costume and spank him.

#20
Maybe you could do it, sir.

#21
Not gonna happen.

#22
-Okay, you. -No.

#23
Well, one of us is gonna have to do it.

#24
No one's getting spanked.

#25
[sighs] You know what's driving me nuts?

#26
It could literally be any one of us. Ooh-ooh!

#27
No, it couldn't. You're dressed like a hot dog.

#28
So is that guy.

#29
Oh, no.

#30
Donald might look like a hot dog,

#31
but you're wearing an actual hot-dog costume.

#32
You know, I don't have to sit here and be insulted like this.

#33
I'm just gonna take as many suits as I can grab,

#34
get in that random hot-dog car...

#35
♪ Ran-dom! ♪

#36
...and drive back to Wiener Hall.

#37
-Oh, my God. What happened here? -[hot dog man] Yeah.

#38
We're all trying to find the guy who did this

#39
-and give him a spanking. -It's obviously this guy, right?

#40
-[woman] Yes. -I have a name.

#41
What's your name?

#42
[sighs]

#43
-Perfect. -[pensive piano music playing]

#44
We've been sitting here talking all day,

#45
and you all never bothered to learn my name.

#46
[chuckles]

#47
We're so... buried in our phones.

#48
Instead of giving someone a real smile...

#49
we send an emoji. [scoffs]

#50
I mean, we don't even...

#51
look at porn on our computer anymore.

#52
We look at it on our phone?

#53
Pornhub, Xtube...

#54
I know these names better than I know my own grandmother's.

#55
YouPorn,

#56
XXN,

#57
RedTube...

#58
panty jobs, homegrown Simpsons stuff.

#59
All great, but I ask you this.

#60
If I was a big old guy with a big burly white beard...

#61
would you still be yelling at me?

#62
Or would you be spanking my bare butt, balls and back?

#63
Think about that for one second.

#64
I guess if nobody wants this car,

#65
I'll take it.

#66
-Let's get him. -Yeah, right, you piece of dog shit!

#67
-Stop! Hey, you! -You're fucking dog shit!

#68
["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]

#69
[indistinct conversation]

#70
-Hey, what's up, dude? -Hey, what's good, man?

#71
-How are you? -I'm good.

#72
Oh, my God.

#73
Is that Caleb Went?

#74
[man] Yeah, it's kind of nuts, right?

#75
He and Dane are buddies.

#76
-Dane's friends with Caleb Went? -Mm-hm.

#77
Oh, my...

#78
Okay!

#79
Dude, I am such a big fan of his Angels and Archways clothing.

#80
My belt right now, it's a studded leather belt

#81
that's from Angels and Archways.

#82
Okay, chill out, dude.

#83
I'm chill. I'm just, like, such a huge fan of his music and his acting.

#84
-He's just a dude. -I just...

#85
-hope I don't say or do anything stupid. -You'll be fine.

#86
-You're a grown man. -I know, but--

#87
You'll be fine.

#88
[chokes]

#89
Tim, are you all right?

#90
Are you choking?

#91
-If you're choking, let me know. -[chokes]

#92
I'm gonna hit you with the Hei--

#93
No, what the fuck are you doing? This is Caleb fucking Went. Just sit down.

#94
You're gonna die because you're too embarrassed

#95
to choke in front of Caleb Went?

#96
-Unbelievable. -Poppers are here. Who wants one?

#97
[choked] Poppers! Yo!

#98
I could save your life right now. Don't eat... You can't eat that.

#99
-Can you breathe right now? -[choked] Chill. Oh, you the man, dude.

#100
-You're... about to die! -[splutters]

#101
-Tim... Hey, stop. -[choking]

#102
It doesn't stink, it's regular water.

#103
[choked] Something about it stinks.

#104
[man] Let's get a toast going.

#105
-Yeah. -[choked] Yes, yes.

#106
[choked] Caleb...

#107
-to you and yours. -Thank you.

#108
[Tim, choked] I propose a toast.

#109
To friends.

#110
And friendship in a... In a tradition... In a tradition.

#111
Cheers!

#112
-I'm calling 911. -[choked] Put your fucking phone away!

#113
-I'm with my friend. He's choking. -[choked] This guy's on the phone.

#114
The Pig in the Blanket.

#115
Yeah, okay. Great. Thank you.

#116
They're coming.

#117
[choked groan]

#118
That doesn't stink, you're choking to death.

#119
[choked] Oh, it stinks.

#120
-[siren wailing] -Tim...

#121
[choked] What the heck? What the hell's going on out there?

#122
What the hell is that that's going on out there?

#123
What the hell is that that's going on out there?

#124
What the... I got to check this out to make sure that nobody hit my car,

#125
the Ferrari.

#126
[grunts

#127
[yells]

#128
-[grunts] -[paramedic] Come on.

#129
["Days Away" by Speed Not Steel playing]

#130
♪ We're days away ♪

#131
♪ To have thought what you think ♪

#132
♪ Just to float and not sink ♪

#133
["Blending Soul" by Soul Blenders playing]

#134
Whoa, is this the new copier?

#135
It sure is, Dennis. They installed it this morning.

#136
Can't believe Corporate actually listened to our request.

#137
Yep, I guess Christmas came early this year.

#138
[all laughing]

#139
This thing rules. It collates, staples pages.

#140
-No more stapling by hand. -Yeah, Santa should have wrapped it.

#141
-What? -The printer.

#142
Santa should have wrapped it when he gave it early.

#143
Oh...

#144
This is gonna make our lives so much easier.

#145
I know. This is so much nicer than the old copier.

#146
Yeah, I know.

#147
And Santa and all his elves must have worked so hard on it,

#148
and then they gave it to us early.

#149
It's a very nice printer, Tracy.

#150
Just make sure no one copies their rear end.

#151
[all laughing]

#152
[in husky voice] Oh, that naughty old elf

#153
must be one mean bastard to give us this so early.

#154
-What? -[in normal voice] Did I stutter, Megan?

#155
-Santa Claus-- -Okay, it looks like the printer

#156
has gotten everyone a little too excited.

#157
Of course it did.

#158
Santa himself brought this here early,

#159
with Rudolph,

#160
and now it's causing a fight.

#161
-It was just an expression. -I know that.

#162
I'm not stupid.

#163
I'm smarter than you!

#164
Everyone just go back to work.

#165
Are we even gonna get anything now?

#166
-What? -'Cause I didn't ask for that.

#167
Does that count as what I get for Christmas as my gift?

#168
[sorrowful version of "Silent Night" playing]

#169
Steve makes one Christmas joke,

#170
and you all shit yourselves laughing.

#171
It's the talk of the office?

#172
But I make hundreds...

#173
of on par, if not better,

#174
and everyone ices me?

#175
I'm not popular at all!

#176
Whoa, looks like Christmas came early.

#177
[yelling] Santa brought it early!

#178
[chuckling]

#179
I guess he did. Good one.

#180
♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪

#181
♪ Mm, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪

#182
♪ And you lay your head in the river ♪

#183
♪ And He shall set you free ♪

#184
We're sorry. Gospel records ain't selling no more.

#185
It's originals the kids want.

#186
The don't want to hear songs they can hear in church.

#187
Sir, it's not a gospel song, it's a new arrangement.

#188
It's not about the arrangement, kid.

#189
It's just... not new.

#190
Sorry.

#191
Thank you for coming in.

#192
It's originals you want?

#193
[playing guitar]

#194
♪ The church bells, they were ringing ♪

#195
♪ The clouds were low and brown ♪

#196
♪ The horses, they were neighing ♪

#197
♪ The day Robert Palins shot me down ♪

#198
Follow my lead in G.

#199
♪ He rode into town on a jet-black mare ♪

#200
♪ Spat and hitched her to a tree ♪

#201
♪ He made his way to the town saloon ♪

#202
♪ The day Robert Palins murdered me ♪

#203
♪ It was also the night That the skeletons came to life ♪

#204
♪ They came from under the ground ♪

#205
♪ And from all over ♪

#206
♪ -They-- -Palins grabbed the preacher's daughter ♪

#207
♪ He aimed his shooter at my crown ♪

#208
♪ He cocked that crooked hammer back ♪

#209
♪ And he brought that hammer down ♪

#210
Exactly.

#211
♪ The bones are the skeletons' money ♪

#212
♪ In our world, bones equal dollars ♪

#213
♪ That's why they're coming out tonight ♪

#214
♪ To get their bones from you ♪

#215
♪ The skeletons will pull your hair ♪

#216
♪ Up, but not out ♪

#217
♪ All they want is another chance at life ♪

#218
♪ They've never seen so much food as this ♪

#219
♪ Underground, there's half as much Food as this ♪

#220
♪ And the worms are their money ♪

#221
♪ The bones are their dollars And-- ♪

#222
♪ The bullet ripped inside my chest ♪

#223
♪ The clouds, they did storm ♪

#224
♪ My sweet Marie, she cried for me ♪

#225
♪ And then I was no more ♪

#226
♪ And it was also the night That the skeletons came to life ♪

#227
♪ The bones are their money ♪

#228
♪ So are the worms ♪

#229
♪ They pull your hair up, but not out ♪

#230
♪ To turn into a man ♪

#231
♪ And have another chance at life ♪

#232
♪ But if they pull it out They turn to bones ♪

#233
Yes!

#234
What the hell was that, man? I had a whole song wrote.

#235
What? I honestly thought we were just making that up.

#236
What are you talking about? They were interested

#237
till you started talking about all that skeleton stuff.

#238
Are you kidding me?

#239
The guy asked for something spooky.

#240
-No, he didn't. -Yeah, he did. He said,

#241
"Gospel's not selling. Give me something spooky."

#242
You talked about how their bones were money, like, four times.

#243
Yeah, that's 'cause I had forgot whether I'd said it or not.

#244
All right, sir, look,

#245
we know our song's good.

#246
We got a deal or not?

#247
Well, we were a little more interested in the parts Billy was singing.

#248
Billy as in me, or Billy as in him?

#249
Your name's Billy too?

#250
No, that's why I'm so fucking confused.

#251
I meant that Billy.

#252
[dramatic music playing]

#253
[funky music playing]

#254
Parents' night out.

#255
I can't wait to see everyone here.

#256
Yeah. Especially Barry.

#257
We don't hang out as much anymore, but I really like him.

#258
Hey, we're a little late.

#259
If anyone asks, let's just say the babysitter was late.

#260
-Oh, that's a great idea. -Yeah.

#261
[man] Hi, everyone.

#262
Sorry we're late.

#263
Yeah, fucking babysitter.

#264
Absolutely fucked us.

#265
I fucking hate her. Such an idiot.

#266
It wasn't that bad.

#267
I hope she had a good excuse.

#268
She did, yeah.

#269
-Alan. -Oh, sorry.

#270
Yeah. Yeah, she did. Yeah, it was just... It was, like, a hit-and-run.

#271
Oh, my God.

#272
Yeah.

#273
Should we call the cops?

#274
Yeah, no, we did, but it's okay,

#275
'cause the cops said that, like, the people she hit

#276
are just kind of like nothing, so it's fine.

#277
What do you mean, the people were just kind of nothing?

#278
They're just, like, not important, like, they don't matter.

#279
Like, there's, like, no records of 'em.

#280
So, like, they're homeless?

#281
No, they're just, like, nothing.

#282
Like, they're not even supposed to be around in the area.

#283
Bottom line is, no one's gonna get in trouble,

#284
nobody should feel sad at all.

#285
The cops were just like, "Oh, yeah, this is fine.

#286
Don't worry about it at all."

#287
The cops aren't even gonna, like, follow up on it

#288
because, like, the people are, like, already dead.

#289
Oh, my God, they're dead?

#290
Yeah. Yeah, they're dead.

#291
Barry, can I talk to you for a second?

#292
Sure.

#293
If you keep talking about the hit-and-run, I'm gonna fucking kill you.

#294
A hit-and-run is a felony.

#295
It's not a problem!

#296
The cops came,

#297
they said it's fine.

#298
-They're not, like, real people, kinda. -The cops said that?

#299
If you keep asking me questions, I'm gonna beat the crap out of you.

#300
What? Really?

#301
No.

#302
I mean, yeah.

#303
I'm gonna beat the crap out of you.

#304
Because I was asking questions?

#305
[groans] I'm gonna embarrass you at this party, Barry.

#306
-What? -I'm gonna embarrass you, Barry.

#307
It's done.

#308
Get ready to be embarrassed.

#309
[suspenseful music playing]

#310
-[music stops] -So we're at the Lions game--

#311
The Lions?

#312
Like the animal... from the circus?

#313
They were playing a game?

#314
[laughs] I'm just trying to understand here.

#315
I was talking about the football team.

#316
Yeah, everyone knows what he's talking about.

#317
My mistake.

#318
[suspenseful music resumes]

#319
[inaudible]

#320
[music stops]

#321
[man] Oh, my God!

#322
Barry just palmed the dip.

#323
He's trying to steal spinach dip, Barry is!

#324
He pushed my hand in there.

#325
Oh, my God!

#326
-You're gonna tell on me? -Would you lay off me?

#327
[suspenseful music resumes]

#328
Hey, honey. Having fun?

#329
No, your fricking babysitter idea got me in huge trouble.

#330
-Now I have to embarrass Barry. -What?

#331
Hold on. He's by the china cabinet.

#332
[yells]

#333
Oh, my God!

#334
Barry fell into the china cabinet!

#335
What a klutz!

#336
I told you. I told you I was gonna embarrass you, Barry.

#337
Now we're even. Come on.

#338
We can hang out and have a good time now.

#339
I can't believe that.

#340
["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]

#341
♪ There's a flame, a flame ♪

#342
♪ A big flame in my heart ♪

#343
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

#344
♪ And believe me when I say It's burning hot ♪

#345
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

#346
♪ It's burning for you ♪

#347
♪ Even though we are through ♪

#348
♪ This big flame boy Is gonna break my heart in two ♪ on playing]

« Prev Page 1 of 1 Next » Back to Search