Home » I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson » S01E06 — We Used to Watch This At My Old Work

I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson

Season 1, Episode 6 — We Used to Watch This At My Old Work

#1
[man] I want my treasure chest.

#2
I want my treasure chest.

#3
I want it and I'm gonna get it.

#4
Where's my treasure chest?

#5
Come out. I want my treasure chest.

#6
Let me in.

#7
This is where I used to live.

#8
Is anybody in there?

#9
I want my treasure chest. I want it!

#10
["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]

#11
-[woman sighs contentedly] -Ah, what a perfect day.

#12
-Uh, sweetie? -Yeah, honey.

#13
The horse you're on has a huge penis.

#14
I'd like to get off now.

#15
I'm not having any fun.

#16
[scoffs] Then we wasted our money.

#17
[man] Sound familiar?

#18
It's a beautiful fall day, and you're riding with a loved one,

#19
when all of a sudden, you're made to feel less of a man.

#20
You can't compete with these horse hogs.

#21
And now you don't need to.

#22
Here at Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch,

#23
we guarantee our horses have a smaller penis than a human man.

#24
♪ Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch ♪

#25
♪ Where the horses are hung like you ♪

#26
Meet Starry Night here.

#27
At first glance, he appears to be a normal horse.

#28
But you check his undercarriage,

#29
and he's the same size as you and I.

#30
Is it easy to find a horse with a short peanut like this?

#31
No, it's damn near impossible.

#32
That's why our ancestors started breeding out the big penis gene

#33
in our horses generations ago.

#34
In fact, this year, we were excited to welcome

#35
our first five-inch horse penis.

#36
Tragically, he passed early this year.

#37
Killed himself.

#38
Yeah, he jumped off a cliff.

#39
Ha! Is that what they mean by "hung like a horse"?

#40
-I guess. -But yours is bigger than that.

#41
-Is it? -Mm-hm.

#42
Bigger than a horse's?

#43
I like the sound of that.

#44
Thanks, Fenton's.

#45
♪ Fenton's Stables and Horse Ranch ♪

#46
♪ Where you're the one that's hung ♪

#47
[funky music playing]

#48
[man] Live from Hollywood, California,

#49
-[cheering and applause] -it's Dan Vega's Mega Money Quiz!

#50
Hi! I'm Dan Vega.

#51
Let's get started.

#52
[applause]

#53
Our contestants, Paul and Colleen,

#54
will flip a square from our Mega Money Board,

#55
and it will show a dollar amount.

#56
-But, remember, watch out for the Chunky. -[chirruping]

#57
Chunky eats your points and he gets very mad.

#58
Colleen, you're up first. Pick a square on the board.

#59
-[applause] -Second row, four down from the left.

#60
Five hundred dollars.

#61
[cheering and applause]

#62
This red condiment can be put on hamburgers.

#63
Ketchup?

#64
Right! Five hundred dollars on the board for you.

#65
-[applause] -Good job!

#66
Paul, you are up.

#67
Okay, third row, second down.

#68
Okay, let's flip her over.

#69
-It's a Chunky! -[horn blaring, chirruping]

#70
-[hip hop beat playing] -Uh-oh! You got a Chunky!

#71
Uh-oh, Chunky's here!

#72
He's gobbling up your points.

#73
[music stops]

#74
[silence]

#75
[weakly imitates a scream]

#76
What are you going to do with... What's the plan?

#77
[uptempo jingle playing]

#78
He's eating your points.

#79
[chuckles]

#80
All right.

#81
Okay.

#82
Ow!

#83
Stop! Aargh, he's pulling on my shirt!

#84
[contestant struggling]

#85
Off!

#86
What the hell are you doing, Chunky? You can't wreck his shirt.

#87
You have to figure out what Chunky does

#88
-before you come out here. Go! -What the fuck, man? He wrecked my shirt.

#89
Don't swear!

#90
Oh, my God!

#91
What game show have you ever seen that had swearing in it?

#92
[host] Ach, eesh!

#93
All right, Colleen, you have control of the board.

#94
Um, third row, third one down.

#95
-Three hundred dollars. All right! -[applause]

#96
Melted or cold, from the cow's udders, over time, it will grow mold.

#97
Is it cheese?

#98
-That's right. It is cheese. -[cheering and applause]

#99
All right, Paul, you have control of the board.

#100
Fourth row, four down.

#101
-Uh-oh! -[horn blaring]

#102
It's a Chunky!

#103
-[hip hop beat playing] -[host] Oh, frick. What do you...

#104
-What's this? You have a bag? -What the hell? That's my backpack.

#105
You got his bag. What are you gonna do with it?

#106
Hey, that's my laptop. Don't touch that. Put that back.

#107
What are you doing with that?

#108
-Hey! -[host] Don't... Put that--

#109
-No! -[host] Chunky!

#110
Tell him to stop!

#111
Don't break his laptop. That's expensive.

#112
Thank you.

#113
-No! -What did I just say?!

#114
Don't break his fricking laptop!

#115
-You got to pay for that. -I don't.

#116
-[Chunky] I was just trying-- -Well, don't talk!

#117
You can't talk!

#118
Chunky, the mouth on the... Don't come over by me!

#119
Stay over there!

#120
Figure out what you do!

#121
-[uptempo jingle playing] -You had all summer to think of it.

#122
-[jingle stops] -Okay, Paul,

#123
you just went. You have control of the board again.

#124
[sighs]

#125
Third down, fourth row.

#126
-That's a Chunky. -You didn't even turn it over.

#127
I came up with this game.

#128
I know what all the little things are.

#129
Oh, my God.

#130
What is it? What are you doing with the bag, Chunky?

#131
-A hat? -That's my hat.

#132
What is that thing?

#133
-You want to put the hat on him? -[audience member] Yeah!

#134
Yeah, okay, let's see what that does.

#135
-[uptempo jingle playing] -Stop! Stop.

#136
Ow! What... is this?

#137
Fine, I'm wearing my own hat!

#138
[audience booing and hissing]

#139
We haven't been to the board in a long time.

#140
Yeah, I know Colleen. This show is gonna suck.

#141
We just got to figure out, like,

#142
what Chunky's deal is. Like--

#143
-[Chunky] Well, don't throw away-- -Don't talk!

#144
The mouth on the thing doesn't move!

#145
-It looks fake! -[end of round jingle playing]

#146
Yeah, that's a good idea. Dump it.

#147
♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪

#148
♪ Mmm, baby, baby, ba-ba-bay ♪

#149
I'm sorry, guys. It's gonna be another ten, fifteen if you can hang tight?

#150
[clicks tongue]

#151
Have you guys seen that YouTube video

#152
of the dancing lady in the clown mask who falls off the couch?

#153
-So funny. -It's so funny.

#154
-So funny. Jessie, you'd love it. -Let's put it on.

#155
Yeah, it's like the second one down.

#156
[hip hop music playing on video]

#157
[chuckling]

#158
I mean, she's, like, unconscious.

#159
Seen the one where the weatherman accidentally draws a penis?

#160
-No. Pull it up. -You got to pull it up.

#161
-No, I haven't seen that. -This one?

#162
The second one. Yeah, right there.

#163
And with a cold front moving in from the northeast, it's going--

#164
Shit.

#165
[all laughing]

#166
-He, like, had to have gotten fired. -Have you seen the one with the kid

#167
who puts the glow stick in the microwave?

#168
The dad is so funny.

#169
-So funny, right? -He's fucking nuts.

#170
-Reggie, what's your favorite? -Uh, I don't know what my favorite is.

#171
Well, what's a funny one?

#172
Oh, God, there's like...

#173
tons I can think of that just blow me away.

#174
It's fine if you, like, don't have one.

#175
I have one.

#176
We all have one. I have one.

#177
I just can't remember exactly how you type it in.

#178
Well, I can search for it. What happens in it?

#179
It's so funny.

#180
I just can't remember, like...

#181
how to search for it.

#182
Well, just let us know when you remember it.

#183
I just can't remember.

#184
I can't remember how to search it. What...

#185
Uh, you know what we have to watch?

#186
We have to watch the guy with the newscaster on the roller coaster.

#187
Yes, so funny.

#188
-It's so funny. -So funny.

#189
[man] So funny.

#190
[Jessie] Pull it up.

#191
-[woman] It's so funny. -[man] It's so funny.

#192
-[menacing ambient music playing] -[Jessie] It is so good.

#193
-[woman] So funny. -[man] Yes.

#194
[all laughing]

#195
[Jessie] It's so funny.

#196
[man] So funny!

#197
["Blending Soul" by Soul Blenders playing]

#198
Okay, so I talked to Marcus,

#199
and he's gonna take care of catering for the whole thing.

#200
So we're gonna have hors d'oeuvres,

#201
and then mini pizzas,

#202
shared salads, and, of course, little cupcakes

#203
with baby Debbie's name written on them.

#204
That's perfect. Christine is gonna love that.

#205
This is gonna be such a nice baby shower!

#206
Oh, we should do, like, a little gift bag for everybody.

#207
-That's a great idea. -How much do we want to spend?

#208
I think maybe around $200 makes sense.

#209
Oh, maybe we could give everybody little individual bottles of champagne.

#210
Oh, that's a good idea.

#211
People also love those macarons.

#212
You know? So good.

#213
Yeah, what about Stanzo brand fedoras?

#214
What?

#215
Stanzo brand fedoras in each of the gift bags.

#216
Those Stanzos are nice.

#217
I mean, I don't know about fedoras for a baby shower, though.

#218
They're nice.

#219
For $200, I could probably get 50 Stanzo brand fedoras.

#220
Yeah, I don't think we're gonna do the fedoras.

#221
You know what's cute that I saw on Etsy?

#222
Little baby-toed flip-flops.

#223
-Oh! -Or what about, like, a little candle?

#224
Oh, that's cool.

#225
Or what about a thousand plastic meatballs?

#226
To put in the gift bags?

#227
Yeah.

#228
They don't go bad or stink or nothing.

#229
For $200, I could probably get a thousand plastic meatballs.

#230
Maybe we should keep thinking.

#231
Okay.

#232
Oh, I know.

#233
What about, like, one of those little things with soaps and lotions

#234
-from Bath & Body Works? -Oh, I like that.

#235
You know what I saw once I thought was cute?

#236
Tommy guns.

#237
My friends aren't gonna buy the crap from your mob movie.

#238
What mob movie?

#239
-It fell apart 'cause it fucking sucked. -Goddamn it.

#240
-[man] You brought it up. -[woman] I didn't.

#241
I didn't even know you still had that stuff.

#242
Where would it be?

#243
Nobody wants a thousand plastic meatballs!

#244
They don't even look real! They look like little pieces of shit!

#245
[woman] You just said they look real.

#246
[man] To them. I need to unload them.

#247
[woman] These are my friends!

#248
They... They look... They look real.

#249
They don't look like little pieces of shit.

#250
-We won't do the meatballs. -You're blowing it.

#251
-We're doing the candles. -Yeah.

#252
We're gonna do individual little bottles of champagne.

#253
And then if we have any money left over--

#254
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.

#255
What are you saying?

#256
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.

#257
Fifty black slicked-back-hair wigs.

#258
How much money did you put in this?

#259
I thought it was gonna be a hit!

#260
It turns out it fucking sucks!

#261
Maybe we could buy a few fedoras.

#262
It's got...

#263
I... It's got...

#264
You kinda got to buy 'em in bulk, otherwise it's not worth it for me.

#265
So we have to buy all 50 of them?

#266
It needs to be quality on my end, otherwise no fucking deal.

#267
Oh, my God, these stink!

#268
They're Stanzos.

#269
They're nice.

#270
[as mob movie character] Hey! Who took my cigars?

#271
[slowed] Who took my cigars?

#272
[Tommy gun firing]

#273
[funky music playing]

#274
She said she's gonna be another 15 minutes.

#275
Okay, so what are we watching?

#276
Okay, I just saw this new video.

#277
It's called Wine Stomp Lady.

#278
I saw that.

#279
I don't want to wreck it, but why is she even up there?

#280
I have one.

#281
Oh, nice, Reggie. What is it?

#282
Have you guys ever seen Bozo Dubbed Over?

#283
Like Bozo the Clown?

#284
Have you seen it? It's hilarious.

#285
No, let's watch it.

#286
Type in "Bozo Dubbed Over,"

#287
and there's spaces between each of the words.

#288
Is this it?

#289
Yes.

#290
It has one view, and it says it was uploaded at 6:00 a.m. this morning.

#291
Have you seen it? It's hilarious.

#292
[circus music playing on video]

#293
[man] Oh, fuck.

#294
What the fuck?

#295
I'm not even supposed to be here.

#296
I hope I don't jack off.

#297
What is this, Reggie?

#298
I guess it's, like, a viral video where Bozo dubs over.

#299
[man] Oh, fuck, a clownputer?

#300
Fuck that. Probably got no games.

#301
I hope nobody goes home and fucks my mom.

#302
Hilarious, right?

#303
[man] What the fuck's that? Like a little circle?

#304
Oh, fuck! I thought this guy's supposed to be bald!

#305
What is this guy trying to do?

#306
Is this supposed to be what Bozo's thinking or saying?

#307
What guy? It's Bozo. Bozo did it.

#308
Bozo did... what?

#309
Bozo did the dub.

#310
He's doing the dub.

#311
Bozo is, not a guy.

#312
[man] Um, okay.

#313
This guy's about to jack off.

#314
I feel like it makes more sense that a different guy is dubbing over it.

#315
No, he's saying what he wanted to say on the show now.

#316
Bozo is. That's Bozo's voice.

#317
[man] This little fucking bike's a piece of shit.

#318
Reggie, did you make this thing last night so you'd have a video to show?

#319
[pensive ambient music playing]

#320
[Reggie] No.

#321
["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]

#322
[man] I thought Mark was doing better.

#323
Well, last night, Mark fell down and nearly hit his head on the counter.

#324
His drinking has really gotten out of control.

#325
It's hard, I know.

#326
But if we're actually his friends, we have to do this intervention.

#327
I can do Friday.

#328
-That works for me. -We could do it at my house.

#329
[door slams]

#330
We could do it at my house.

#331
It's the most comfortable, it can fit everyone. It's the perfect trap.

#332
Plus, it's already like a party house, so he'll want to go there.

#333
Isn't your house kinda far away?

#334
Yeah, but it's like a complete party house.

#335
And bring snacks so it feels like a real party.

#336
Dawn - chips, Pat - pop, and...

#337
Jake, why not cook something? Like a hot dip or something.

#338
A hot dip?

#339
A hot dip or something.

#340
Yeah, bring it to my house.

#341
It's settled then. Friday.

#342
Let's bust the fucker. [laughs]

#343
[sighs]

#344
Come on in.

#345
Watch your step. There's a lot of stuff around

#346
'cause it's a big party house, so...

#347
Whoa!

#348
-What is this place? -[homeowner] Take a seat, Mark.

#349
Sorry, bud, no partying tonight.

#350
I'm afraid to say this is your intervention.

#351
What the fuck?

#352
You're busted, man.

#353
No, I mean...

#354
what is happening with your house?

#355
-What the hell is all this stuff? -Yeah, should we do this somewhere else?

#356
Sit down.

#357
We're not fucking around here. Right, guys?

#358
That chair reclines, by the way.

#359
The tongue sticks out.

#360
"Mark...

#361
[poignant music playing]

#362
you used to be my best friend.

#363
We were like brothers,

#364
going to the movies together, traveling, playing sports.

#365
To see something be in control of you, and see you drinking it all away...

#366
-[whispers] All Garfield. -"Do you know how hard that is for me?

#367
Brother, I love you,

#368
but I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore.

#369
You need help."

#370
Mark...

#371
your drinking has made you a totally different person.

#372
You've lost your lust for life. I'll never forget the day that I told you

#373
that I bought Jim Davis' house, the creator of Garfield.

#374
You just sat there, stared at me...

#375
like I didn't just tell you I bought Jim Davis' house...

#376
fully furnished!

#377
And I read the e-mail that you wrote when you were drunk.

#378
I saw how you said I spent all my money on the Jim Davis house.

#379
How I wasted all my money on the Garfield house,

#380
and how it's all I talk about. But you know what you didn't say?

#381
How it came fully furnished.

#382
"Mark, this is the hardest letter I've ever had to write.

#383
When you showed up at my house at two in the morning,

#384
drunk off your ass,

#385
you scared my kids.

#386
I'll never forget--"

#387
And I'll never forget when I woke up at 3 a.m.,

#388
and heard pounding on the door.

#389
It was Jim Davis.

#390
He forgot that he didn't live here anymore.

#391
He came in, he pushed me around.

#392
He goes, "Hey, where's the Garfield treasure chest?"

#393
I said, "Dude, back off. I don't know.

#394
I didn't touch a goddamn thing."

#395
Meanwhile, where are you?

#396
Drunk little bitch, you make me sick.

#397
Guys... I just looked it up.

#398
Jim Davis never owned this house.

#399
What the fuck are you talking about? Who lived here?

#400
A guy who tried to kill Jim Davis.

#401
So you're saying I spent, like, three hours in a Garfield-shaped hot tub

#402
with a murderer?

#403
-[alarm beeping] -Oh, my God!

#404
It's the guy who tried to kill Jim Davis!

#405
I'm Garfield.

#406
What is going on?

#407
[laughs]

#408
[Garfield recording] I hate Mondays.

#409
I hate Mondays.

#410
I hate Mondays.

#411
-[distorted] Garfield! -I hate Mondays.

#412
["Big Flame (Is Gonna Break My Heart In Two)" by Doris Wilson playing]

#413
♪ There's a flame, a flame ♪

#414
♪ A big flame in my heart ♪

#415
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

#416
♪ And believe me When I say it's burning hot ♪

#417
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

#418
♪ It's burning for you ♪

#419
♪ Even though we are through ♪

#420
♪ This big flame, boy, is gonna Break my heart in two ♪ playing]

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