Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S05E12 — The Gang Reignites the Rivalry

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 5, Episode 12 — The Gang Reignites the Rivalry

#1
Hey, hey! What do you think of these, guys?

#2
My God, Frank. My God.

#3
You look ridiculous in those, dude.

#4
Dude, why are you wearing skinny jeans? Because they're hip.

#5
And I want to stay young. Well, stay old, bro.

#6
Because that looks terrible. Dress your age.

#7
I like 'em. I think they make me look sexy.

#8
I am getting a tremendous amount of enjoyment watching you parade around in those things.

#9
- So I say keep them. - Yeah? - Yeah.

#10
It's like a Humpty Dumpty vibe going on with those. I don't know if you want...

#11
Yo-oh! Big news, bitches! The ban's been lifted.

#12
And we are back in. Flipadelphia, here we come!

#13
Ohh! Flip, flip, Flipadelphia!

#14
Flip, flip, Flipadelphia!

#15
Flip! Flip!

#16
Flip- Yeah! Adelphia!

#17
What the hell is Flipadelphia? What is Flipadelphia?

#18
Dude, it's a city-wide flip cup tournament. It's the best.

#19
Yeah. We were the bar to beat 10 years ago until we got muscled out.

#20
Yeah. They very, very unfairly accused us of poisoning our rival team.

#21
Yes. You got framed?

#22
No, we did poison the shit out of them. But they didn't have any proof.

#23
So you have a rival? Oh, yeah, big-time.

#24
This dive bar down the street called Molly's. Yeah.

#25
Yeah, yeah. This year we're gonna jam it right up their butt holes.

#26
Ohh! Wow. Yeah, me, Dennis and Charlie will jam their butt holes.

#27
You're not gonna come anywhere near their butt holes. Let us handle the butt holes.

#28
What are you talking about? You guys, I- I'm your number four.

#29
I'm your "Adelphia. " And you can't- Yeah, I know.

#30
But, Dee, I mean, what, do you, like, not remember the past?

#31
You choked under pressure in '98. You blew the whole thing.

#32
We were gonna win. And then you couldn't flip your damn cup over.

#33
I know, Charlie! That's why I've been practicing ever since.

#34
I mean, you gotta give me a chance to redeem myself.

#35
Okay, fine. You will have a chance to redeem yourself.

#36
In the meantime, what do you say we throw a little gas on the rivalry fire?

#37
I thought you said this place was a shithole.

#38
Yeah, it was. But looks like they've made a few renovations.

#39
All right, well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

#40
Could be a scheme. Okay, you guys ready?

#41
Probably, yeah. Guess who, bitches!

#42
Are you guys hungry, huh?

#43
Enjoying your meals? Oh, yeah! Whoo!

#44
Oh, everybody have some lemon on it. Yeah.

#45
Honk, honk, honk.

#46
Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!

#47
Will they highest ranking member of the staff please step forward?

#48
I'm, uh, Art Sloan. I'm the owner. Huh?

#49
Uh, you're Art Sloan?

#50
Now see, you look very different from what I remember.

#51
Do I know you people?

#52
Uh, allow me to refresh your memory. Ohh!

#53
Whoa, whoa. What- What the hell is that?

#54
Flip cup. Ten years ago? We poisoned you, dude. Remember?

#55
Oh, wait a minute, yeah. We got really sick. Yeah.

#56
You acted sick. But check it out.

#57
Who's to say we didn't put that very same poison in the drinking water?

#58
Hey, everybody, relax.

#59
He's lying. He doesn't have any poison. No, I don't have any on me.

#60
But I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.

#61
There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles.

#62
What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?

#63
Oh, that's mayonnaise. That's a decoy.

#64
- And the mayo? - That's shampoo.

#65
You're telling me I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?

#66
If you're using the mayonnaise, yeah, probably. I-I'm sorry.

#67
Is there something that I can do for you people?

#68
Yeah! We came to tell you we're reigniting the rivalry, dick worm.

#69
- It's back on, bitch! - You know what? I-I am not your rival, okay?

#70
I never was. And I am certainly not participating in Flipadelphia.

#71
Flip, flip, Flipadelphia!

#72
Flip, flip- Oh! Looks like someone's scared, guys.

#73
Now you're just being childish. Oh, yeah?

#74
How's this for childish, bro?

#75
All right, that's it! I'm calling the cops.

#76
He pissed on your bar! Yeah, call the cops!

#77
See you Saturday. Don't be late.

#78
Three, two, one, go!

#79
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

#80
No, no.

#81
No, you're doing it too high! Get it! Get it!

#82
What are you doing? What are you doing?

#83
I don't know, you guys. I was...

#84
That was terrible! I'm sorry, okay?

#85
I thought you had been practicing. I have been practicing!

#86
I don't know what happened! You know, it's her bison-sized fingers!

#87
I don't have bison fingers! I don't have bison fingers. Oh, yes, you do.

#88
Your mother had to have a C-section because of those hands.

#89
Okay, you guys are just all screaming in my face!

#90
People are going to scream at the tournament!

#91
That's it. She's off the team. Shut up, Frank!

#92
You're not even on the team! That's true. What is my role here?

#93
Why did you bring that up? Yeah. All right.

#94
You're not gonna be on the flip cup team. No. Definitely not.

#95
Maybe you could be, um, team instigator. Yeah! There we go.

#96
That works. I'll be the instigator. Sure. Yeah.

#97
Okay. I'll instigate. In the meantime, we need to find a replacement for Dee.

#98
We need a replacement. No! No, no, no, no, no! That's not fair, you guys.

#99
Don't replace me! You're being replaced.

#100
Okay. I'll tell you what, Dee. If you can prove to us...

#101
that you can flip 10 cups in a row under pressure, you're back on the team.

#102
Yes! Okay, I gotta practice. That's all I need. All right.

#103
I gotta warm up. You see, I went into this cold. I came in here cold.

#104
That's what my problem was. One mistake and you're off the team.

#105
That oughta keep her busy for at least a week or so.

#106
I don't think she'll ever get that. Okay, in the meantime,

#107
let's find a replacement. Yes. And I know just the place to go.

#108
Where? Same place I learned to hone my God-given flip cup skills.

#109
The Delta Omega Lambda fraternity house at Penn. Wait.

#110
That was, like, 15 years ago. I don't think you'd have any clout there.

#111
It doesn't matter, man. I was the king of that place. I'm a legend over there.

#112
Oh. This brings me back.

#113
Got the alumni's up here. Nice.

#114
Oh, man.

#115
This is the class. Oh, man. There's Ritter.

#116
Oh, that's- "I chug dick"? No.

#117
What? I never- I don't chug dick. That's crazy.

#118
Why would you even put- That's not funny.

#119
Come on, that's homophobic. I mean, come on. What the hell?

#120
Bitch! Pick it back up!

#121
No, shake the ass! Shake the ass!

#122
Yeah, there you go!

#123
- Like this! - Frank? What the hell are you doing, man?

#124
I'm recruiting these guys for the flip cup thing. I almost got this, Dennis.

#125
Whoo-whoo-whoo! Yeah!

#126
All right! That's real funny shit, Frank!

#127
Step out for a second and let me handle this. All right, guys-

#128
I'm Brother Reynolds, class of '98.

#129
Dude, we were cruising in sixth grade in '98, man.

#130
Oh, sixth grade? Cool, man. Well, I guess I kind of blazed the trail...

#131
for these sorts of shenanigans you guys got going on in here.

#132
- What's going on with this kid? - Oh, he's a pledge.

#133
And we're zapping his nuts with a stun gun every couple of hours.

#134
- Oh! - Look at him, man!

#135
That's brutal, man. Wow. Let me- Let me get in on that.

#136
You- You want to get in on this? Yeah.

#137
I'm sort of a legend when it comes to this kind of shit. So, yeah.

#138
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Cool. Here, man. -

#139
- Down he goes! - Oh, shit! That really hurts!

#140
Dennis, these guys are badass shitheads! Oh, man! You got any ludes?

#141
Ludes? I don't think they make those anymore, man. No?

#142
We got Ritarall. Ritarall?

#143
Yeah. What's Ritarall? Oh, snortski. Ohh. Mmm.

#144
Ooh! Ooh, that's tasty stuff.

#145
Uh, God. Zap him again.

#146
Huh?

#147
- It's that- It's that easy. - Don't do that shit again, you little idiot!

#148
Okay? Have some respect for a brother, okay? I'm a legend around this place.

#149
So don't zap me again! All right, listen. I came here for a reason, okay?

#150
I came here to recruit you for a flip cup tournament.

#151
Flip cup? Flip cup? What are you, a freshman? That is so lame.

#152
Take a look at how loose his jeans are. Okay. Okay.

#153
Let me have it a minute.

#154
No more zapping.

#155
All right, all right. No more zapping.

#156
We're done. Stop, stop, stop!

#157
Get outta here!

#158
All right, focus. You can do this.

#159
One more time, just- Oh, Dee. Dee, it's getting hard to watch.

#160
Really. I can't stop grinding my teeth.

#161
I don't know how these kids study on this goddamn Ritarall.

#162
Yeah, I don't know either! And I don't give a shit!

#163
Hey. So how did the recruiting go? Oh, it was bad.

#164
We both got punked. Yeah, we both got punked, Frank. We both got punked!

#165
That's right. These kids these days, I'll tell you what.

#166
They're nothing like we used to be back when we were in fraternities.

#167
They have no respect for anybody, okay? They're like stupid little goddamn savages.

#168
They're bitches! They're bitches! They're little bitches.

#169
I came in there, right? And I was polite, and I was nice to them.

#170
I was cordial. And they completely goddamn disrespected me!

#171
Little idiots! Idiots! Yeah.

#172
I was completely respectful. They're supposed to be my brothers, right?

#173
They're my brothers? No, no. That's not fun.

#174
What they were doing wasn't fun. They kept zapping us and zapping us.

#175
Idiots! Savages! Idiots! No, zap, zap, zap, zap.

#176
Idiots! Jesus Christ, dude. Calm down.

#177
Man, that's- All right, I'm just...

#178
They disrespect- I am a legend over there!

#179
I know you're a legend. Charlie knows you're a legend, you know?

#180
Yeah. That's just the viciousness of youth.

#181
That wasn't fun! It's not fun! It's not fun!

#182
Savages! I'll tell you what, dude.

#183
Maybe you should step down from the fraternity thing.

#184
Look, we haven't gotten Art Sloan to sign up yet. He has not signed up.

#185
Why don't you focus some of that weird rage on him?

#186
- Charlie and I'll handle the frat kids from here, okay? - Yeah, yeah.

#187
I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids...

#188
and that'll put 'em in their place. How are you gonna do that?

#189
Well, you've seen the movie, right? Yeah.

#190
So all I gotta do is I'll ask them some like big shot, like, math or science,

#191
history-type college question...

#192
and then I'll totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.

#193
Yeah, in that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor. You're just a janitor.

#194
Right.

#195
You stumped me with that one. That's a good point.

#196
You didn't have a comeback for that.

#197
How are you gonna have a comeback in the frat house?

#198
Then you ask them the math or history-type question...

#199
Ah, but you're not a janitor. Don't do that.

#200
Just, please, please take care of those little savages. Got it.

#201
Don't do that. Don't do that. It'll work if you just say some lines from the movie.

#202
It works. Flip. That's too big. That's too big.

#203
Oh! Oh, my.

#204
What is going on in here, dude? Oh, my.

#205
Woo-hoo-hoo! Jesus Christ.

#206
It's like some kind of paint party. Yeah!

#207
They're painting each other up! Is this what college is like, man?

#208
I don't know, man. I wish I went to college.

#209
I feel like I got boned big-time, dude! Jesus Christ. Hey.

#210
Oh, my God, yo! You're painting him?

#211
Hey! That's nice.

#212
Yeah! Jesus Christ, Charlie.

#213
Oh, my God, dude. Oh, my God. They're painting each other.

#214
No! No, no, no! Charlie! Stay focused, dude. Right!

#215
Stay focused. We gotta find guys for the team. Right, right, right!

#216
Nothing will distract us. Nothing! Okay. Do not get distracted.

#217
Hey! Hi!

#218
Do you want to paint us up? Yes.

#219
Uh, paint you up? How? Yes.

#220
Well, first we paint you, and then you paint us.

#221
Well, that makes sense. Sure.

#222
Yeah, uh- Yeah. Yeah.

#223
How do we do the painting?

#224
With our hands.

#225
We do. Yeah.

#226
Yeah, we do.

#227
Awesome.

#228
Sorry. Excuse us. Uh, are you ready?

#229
Yeah. No, we're ready. We're ready.

#230
Artie Sloan.

#231
Tying his shirts in knots!

#232
I like to humiliate guys, sure. I'm no different than those guys are now, man.

#233
Yeah! You know? Like, I used to be the same way.

#234
I used to dress guys up like bananas and walk them around the quad.

#235
Or I'd take a banana and stick it up some guy's ass in front of his best friend.

#236
And I'd be like, "Hey! Banana ass! How you doing?"

#237
Or maybe I'd, like, uh- I'd like take the tip of my penis...

#238
and stick it in a guy's mouth for, like, just a second, you know what I mean?

#239
Like while he was sleeping. I'm all about that shit!

#240
You know what I mean? But you don't stun gun a guy who was a goddamn legend!

#241
No! And those guys, they need to recognize that shit!

#242
I was a- I was a trailblazer!

#243
But these kids these days in fraternities, it's like they don't have any respect.

#244
They don't care about anybody but themselves, you know?

#245
And I don't understand that. It's like they live in a fantasy world, where,

#246
"Oh, no. There's no consequences for my actions.

#247
"I can do whatever the hell I want!

#248
And treat people however the hell I want to treat 'em!"

#249
And I don't get that. What are you doing, Frank? What is that?

#250
Well, what I'm doing is I'm cutting the shower curtain in half waist high...

#251
so that when he's in using it, people can see his junk.

#252
Wow, Frank. That Ritarall's having a very interesting affect on what you think.

#253
I love this feeling! Yeah!

#254
Got any more of it? Does a bear shit in the woods?

#255
Well, cut up a couple of rails, buddy! I'm gonna blast off!

#256
All right. Here you go. All right.

#257
Let's do this!

#258
And we're done! Ohh!

#259
That was awesome. Oh, that's so awesome.

#260
That's so awesome. And now you do us.

#261
Oh, man! Yeah.

#262
And then for the best part.

#263
There's a better part than this? There can't be a better part.

#264
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How?

#265
When we shower together and wash each other off.

#266
Yeah, we do. Whoo!

#267
That's exactly what we're gonna do.

#268
What do you two clowns think you're doing? That's awesome.

#269
Nah, it's cool, man. We're good. We're good. No! You assholes gotta go!

#270
No, man. Come on.

#271
Yeah, man. Yeah, you do. You do, man. You do.

#272
Come on, man. Hey. Hey, guys.

#273
I'm telling you no, dude. I'm telling you no. Guys. Guys. Guys.

#274
We're trying to have a conversation, please. No! You're not in the frat.

#275
Get out! Guys, you're killing me.

#276
I'm gonna pull a Good Will Hunting. No, no, Charlie.

#277
What's your major, dude? Economics.

#278
Oh! Bet you're reading a lot of Gordon Wood, huh!

#279
You read your Gordon Wood and you regurgitate it from a textbook...

#280
and you think you're wicked awesome doing that!

#281
And how about them apples? And all that Gordon Wood business!

#282
I have no idea what you're talking about. You are an idiot.

#283
You are an idiot. Does no one know who Gordon Wood is?

#284
You know what, Cheesefoot? Go get the stun gun.

#285
That's a great idea. That's a great idea.

#286
Shit.

#287
Oh, yeah! Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank! Dude!

#288
I'm finished! Oh, yeah!

#289
I'm finished. What are you doing? What do you got going on?

#290
What are you doing? I'm doing this jerk-off's taxes!

#291
Next year the I.R.S. Will audit the piss out of him!

#292
Oh! That's so weird! That's so- That's long-term shit. I would- Yes!

#293
I like that! I like that! Yes. Good.

#294
Do me a favor, man. Can you go upstairs and look down onto the lawn?

#295
I've done it. I've done it. I've done something.

#296
You've done it? Yeah. Give me the cigar. I need that.

#297
What'd you do? I have done "it."

#298
What?

#299
I've created a masterpiece.

#300
Wow.

#301
I think our work here is done.

#302
It's so unfair, dude. Oh, yeah, dude.

#303
So unfair! I mean, like,

#304
if I had known college was anything like that,

#305
the amount of book learning I would have put to my brain- Read! And math, dude!

#306
To get there and stay there.

#307
They shower together! And naked.

#308
Oh! Boom! The rivalry's back on, boys! It is back on!

#309
The rivalry's back on? Oh, yeah! It's back on!

#310
All right! Rivalry! Rivalry.

#311
Rivalry. Rivalry. Rivalry. Rivalry. Rivalry. Rivalry.

#312
Goddamn it. This feels forced. I...

#313
I'm not into it. I'm definitely forcing it.

#314
Why is that? Something's off! Something's off, dude!

#315
You know what it is for me? I can only speak for myself.

#316
But it's those goddamn punk-ass frat kids, man. They got to me, dude.

#317
They really got to me! They burned me and I haven't let it go.

#318
Dude! They burned us too, man! Did they burn you guys?

#319
- Is that why you're painted like that? - Yeah, what's going on?

#320
They have like this magical thing going on. Things are different now.

#321
Hey, you guys. Watch this.

#322
Oh!

#323
Hey! Oh! Oh!

#324
Ohh! Ohh!

#325
Oh!

#326
Ten in a row! Nice!

#327
With everybody watching! This guy! This guy!

#328
Holy shit! That was amazing, Dee!

#329
And you just gave me a thought, okay?

#330
- I think we need to rethink who our rivals are. - What do you mean?

#331
Well, bro, the Art Sloan-Molly's rivalry, that's, like, 10 years old!

#332
That's old shit, man! I think our new rivals are those punk-ass frat kids!

#333
- Dude, those guys are dicks. - They're such dicks, man!

#334
And I think with Dee's newfound flip cup skills,

#335
we can embarrass the shit out of those little bitches!

#336
I'll tell you what. I will take any excuse to get back to that party.

#337
Okay! That's it! It's a rivalry! The new rivalry!

#338
- What do you guys want? - We want one game of flip cup.

#339
If you guys win, you get to drink at our bar forever, for free.

#340
If we win, we get to come to your frat whenever we want.

#341
- And paint girls! - And get painted by them!

#342
And take showers with them! Lots of showers.

#343
Okay. You're on.

#344
All right. These guys are gonna be really fast.

#345
So we need to get on to a quick lead. Dee, I want you to start us off.

#346
Really? Yes. Charlie, you're gonna take us home as the anchor.

#347
Naturally. All right.

#348
Oh, you guys. You guys, I am not gonna let you down, okay?

#349
I know you're not, Sis. I'm proud of you. We're really proud of you.

#350
Frank, you want to start us of with some kind of cheer?

#351
Yeah, that's a good idea.

#352
Paddy's! Paddy's! Paddy's!

#353
Yeah! Whoo!

#354
All right! All right!

#355
Okay, both teams ready? Yeah!

#356
Go! Go, Dee! Go, Dee! Go, Dee!

#357
- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! - Come on, Dee!

#358
Come on! Don't think so hard! Don't think so hard!

#359
- Hold on! - Come on, Dee! Let's go!

#360
Come on! Come on, Dee!

#361
Come on, Dee! Ease up on it, Dee! Ease up!

#362
Too hard! You're hitting yourself in the head.

#363
Come on, Dee! What are you doing, Dee? What are you doing?

#364
Oh, come on! Come on! Dee!

#365
Come on, Dee!

#366
No!

#367
- Your beer, free for us, for life! - For life!

#368
You guys, I'm sorry. You guys, one more time.

#369
Let's just challenge them to one more! You know what I mean?

#370
I feel like we could really get these guys! Don't you see, Dee?

#371
We've already won.

#372
What does that mean? What are you talking about?

#373
Ohh! Oh, God.

#374
Hey, what- Whoa. What's going on with me?

#375
Oh, what's going on is that you just drank a cup of poison!

#376
Paddy's Pub, bitches!

#377
- You guys poisoned the beer? - Yes, Dee, we did poison the beer.

#378
That was the only way we could beat these little bitches!

#379
I thought you guys believed in me. You were so proud of me.

#380
Oh, no. We knew you were gonna choke.

#381
Yeah. Yeah. We knew you'd pretty much choke under pressure.

#382
Which is why- We poisoned your ass!

#383
Flip, flip, Flipadelphia!

#384
Flip, flip, Flipadelphia!

#385
Flip, flip, Flipadelphia!

#386
Flip, flip, Flipadelphia! Flip, Flipadelphia!

#387
Flip, flip, Flipadelphia!

#388
Flip, flip, Flipadelphia!

#389
Pull! Yank!

#390
Rip 'em off! Pull 'em of! Yank em! Yank 'em!

#391
They're not coming off! Yank 'em! Yank 'em!

#392
We're gonna have to burn 'em off, I think. No!

#393
Gotta get 'em off 'cause I got no circulation in my legs.

#394
Yeah, I don't know. You've got to be kidding me.

#395
Whoa-ho. Hey, hey, pump your brakes there, pal. Slow down for a second.

#396
What- What's your problem exactly? What- What's my problem?

#397
Okay, you know what? You disrespected my business. You vandalized my home.

#398
All in the name of some stupid drinking competition.

#399
And then when I finally cave in, you don't even show up.

#400
Show up for what? Well... Flipadelphia!

#401
Oh, Flipadelphia! Oh, sh...

#402
Was that today? Yeah, dude.

#403
Okay, you know what? I want a challenge. Okay?

#404
My bar. Flip cup. Today. Let's go!

#405
Nah. We've moved on. Yeah, I'm over it.

#406
You know what? That's gonna be a pass for me too.

#407
Yeah. I don't feel well at all. They poisoned me.

#408
I'm not feeling it either. So that's gonna be a unanimous no from us.

#409
Sorry.

#410
God!

#411
- Hey, now. - Come on, man.

#412
What was that? Totally uncalled for.

#413
- Who slams a door? - Babies.

#414
That guy's got some real growing up to do. I mean, have some respect, for Christ's sake.

#415
Goddamn savage.

#416
I am a legend.

#417
ENGLISH - US - PSDH

« Prev Page 1 of 1 Next » Back to Search