Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S07E05 — Frank's Brother

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 7, Episode 5 — Frank's Brother

#2
I'm saying that if I were a cop, I would have an Uzi.

#3
Well, but I'm saying that the police force

#4
- would never issue you an Uzi so now what? - That's not what...

#5
- That's not her point though. - That's not what we're talking about.

#6
That's not my... Thank you, Charlie. Listen, if you had the choice,

#9
one gun that shoots a thousand bullets in one second?

#10
Yeah. You're shooting bullets everywhere.

#11
- I agree with her 100%. - Right?

#12
She's absolutely right. Got people coming at you from every angle.

#13
Frank, honestly, if you're gonna join in the conversation,

#14
will you swallow your food and then speak?

#15
- It's disgusting. - Yeah. Hey, Frank, what are you eating

#17
You are not eating a hoagie.

#18
You are just jamming meats and cheeses inside of your mouth.

#19
I like to make it in my mouth. It tastes better.

#21
Gino?

#22
You piece of shit!

#23
You son of a bitch!

#24
I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

#25
- I'll kill you! - Now, this is interesting.

#26
- Yeah. - Yeah.

#27
- Do we break this up or do we... - No, no, no! Don't break it up.

#28
I want to see how this whole thing plays out.

#29
- Okay. Well, that seemed to settle it. - Yeah...

#32
My goddamn brother!

#33
Frank, I had no idea you had a brother.

#34
Yeah, what gives, Frank? You told us your brother was dead.

#35
Yeah, you said that he had his guts

#37
You told that to my own niece and nephew?

#38
Uh, well, technically, sir, he's not our father,

#39
which would mean you're not our uncle.

#40
Yeah. We thought he was for a long time, and then as it turns out...

#41
- You know, it's a whole thing, so... - Yeah.

#42
How could you do this to me, Frankie?

#43
Do what, Gino?

#44
You know what I'm talkin' about.

#45
You're trying to steal her from me. She's my woman!

#46
You stole her from me first!

#47
Well, you stole her back!

#48
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who the hell are you guys talking about?

#49
The love of my life.

#50
Well, this just got more interesting.

#51
I'm gonna pull up a seat and get into it.

#52
This just got very interesting, Frank.

#53
Why don't you walk us through this?

#54
No. I'm not dragging this shit up again. This is ancient history.

#55
No, no, no! I think they need to hear this.

#56
I think they need to hear what a liar and a cheat their father is!

#57
Let me start at the beginning.

#58
It was back in the '60s...

#59
I'm gonna jump in for a second

#60
'cause it sounds like you're about to launch into a whole thing.

#61
Is it gonna take a long time?

#62
- My attention span's very short. - That's a valid concern.

#63
It'll take as long as it takes!

#64
Ah, okay.

#65
- Well, we might pop in and out mentally. - Yeah...

#66
You know, our generation, it's like...

#67
- Yeah. - Yeah. You want to make it funny

#68
- or something? - Give it some flair.

#69
Okay! It was in the '60s.

#70
If you were looking for me, you'd find me

#71
at a happening little jazz club on the north side of town.

#72
It was an all-Black joint.

#73
Blacks played the best music.

#74
Not that I gave a shit. I got a tin ear.

#75
It all sounded like a bunch of noise to me.

#76
See, I was running numbers as a bookie for the club.

#77
- I'd take Betsy: for the owner, Reggie. - Yo, Gino.

#78
He had a temper.

#79
He also had a weakness for betting horses

#80
and a strength for losing those bets.

#81
You see, Reggie owed me money,

#82
and when he came up short, I called in a favor.

#83
I need you to hire someone.

#84
I ain't hiring another one of your bimbos, Gino.

#85
This bimbo is my little brother.

#86
He's here every night for the music.

#87
He's more Negro-ish than anybody else in this club.

#88
Frankie!

#89
Gino! Ha!

#90
How would you like to work here?

#91
Would I ever! I love the music, sir.

#92
He's just a kid. How old are you, boy?

#93
Nineteen.

#94
Shit. You don't look a day over 12.

#95
I'll do anything.

#96
I was looking out for my younger brother.

#97
I was keeping him out of trouble.

#98
I got Frankie a job, and he loved it.

#99
That was a shit job.

#100
I was mopping up puke. I was busing tables and washing dishes.

#101
It stunk.

#102
But at least I had that sweet music to keep me going.

#103
So far, so good

#104
And then, one night, I heard the voice of an angel.

#105
No, not her.

#106
So far, so good

#107
So far, so good

#108
Keep going.

#109
I thought by now you would be long gone

#110
That's her.

#111
So far, so good

#112
Boy, she was the cat's meow.

#113
That was...

#114
Shadynasty.

#115
- Gotta stop ya. - Good time to stop.

#116
Okay. So...

#117
The love of your life was a Black woman named Shadynasty?

#118
Yeah. So what's wrong with that?

#119
Well, there's nothing wrong with it.

#120
- Lots of things. - It's strange, it's strange.

#121
It's just unexpected. It's just unexpected.

#122
Yeah. That's right. Shadynasty.

#124
All right. So, it was late one night,

#125
I was cleaning up, doing my usual routine.

#126
Are you out of your goddamn mind?

#127
I saw you with her!

#128
Bitch, if I wanna be with another woman, I'll be with another woman!

#129
Hey, hey, hey, relax.

#130
Relax! Be cool, daddy-o! Be cool.

#131
- Gino, get this bitch out of my sight! - You just be cool, man.

#132
- Don't blow your top! - Breaking my dishes. Bitch, goddamn!

#133
Hey! Frankie here is gonna take you home, and I'm gonna talk to Reggie.

#134
He old enough to drive?

#135
Sure.

#137
For a while, we drove in silence,

#138
until I finally got the nerve to speak to her.

#139
You got a huge set on you.

#140
Excuse me?

#141
Pipes. You got a great voice.

#142
Oh. Thank you.

#143
You like Black music?

#144
Do I?

#145
I'm gonna open a jazz joint of my own someday.

#146
An integrated place where Blacks and Whites can get along.

#147
No Orientals though.

#148
You gotta have a dream, I guess.

#149
And you're gonna be my star attraction.

#150
Child, I ain't nothing but a backup singer.

#151
Oh, no. You're the real, true star, Shadynasty.

#152
You just need a sky to shine in.

#153
If I didn't know better, I'd think you were flirting with me.

#154
White man! Get down!

#155
Whoa. Why were you shoving her head down?

#156
You did not want to be caught out in the street in those days with a Negress.

#157
- They'd tear you apart. - "Negress"?

#158
- What? - Whatever the proper word was.

#159
- Well it's not that it's a different word. - It wasn't that.

#160
We're talking '60s terms.

#161
- Okay. Okay, you used those terms. - Okay. All right.

#162
- You shouldn't have. You shouldn't have. - All right. Did you open the club or what?

#163
You bet your ass I did.

#164
- With hard work and perseverance. - Bullshit!

#165
We opened the club with my gambling money!

#166
And that's when we became business partners.

#167
The point is, we opened the club,

#168
and we named it after our star attraction.

#169
"Shady-nasty's?"

#170
Shadynasty's, asshole.

#171
Whatever.

#172
He's out of here.

#173
Is that how you spell it?

#174
So business was booming.

#175
Like fire needs the air to breathe

#176
Shadynasty was a star.

#177
Desire's coming over me

#178
I wanna please you, babe

#179
And every night it seemed like she was singing to me.

#180
Sometimes it gets me

#181
'Cause she was.

#182
Frankie's dreams were coming true.

#183
Mmm.

#184
But sometimes dreams come at a price.

#185
Well, well, well!

#186
Ain't this some shit.

#187
Hi, Reggie. How you doing?

#188
Not good, Frankie.

#189
No?

#190
I gave you everything.

#191
Then you go and take my best bitch.

#192
I'm not anyone's bitch.

#193
I left you, Reggie.

#194
I'm with Frank now.

#195
Oh, you with her now, huh?

#196
Yeah.

#197
I guess that don't leave me with no choice...

#198
...but to be a mature-ass adult about this shit.

#199
I'm working on my temper.

#200
But know that I strongly disagree with this!

#201
She's your problem now.

#202
Good luck, Frankie.

#203
Gino, what are you doing?

#204
I'm saving your life. Run, Frankie.

#205
Don't. No, don't!

#206
The police carted off me and Reggie.

#207
I got two years in the slammer, and Reggie got six.

#208
Wait. Why... Why did Reggie get more years than you?

#209
You beat the man half to death.

#210
- He was Black. - Those were the days.

#211
Well, you sound like you yearn for those days, Frank.

#212
No. I'm just saying, those were the days.

#213
- Huh. - Mmm-hmm.

#214
- Okay. - Anyway, by the time

#215
I got out of prison,

#216
the '70s had arrived.

#217
I was searching for someone to love me

#218
Hold me close and put no one above me

#219
Ah, bro, so good to have you back.

#220
My brother!

#221
I missed you, Frankie!

#222
I really missed you.

#223
I tell ya, I missed... What the shit is that?

#224
Uh... A little bump of coke.

#225
Since when do you do drugs?

#226
Prison. It's the '70s, Frank.

#227
Everybody does drugs!

#228
No, no. Gino, Gino, Gino. Gino.

#229
Not... Not in my club. No, no, no.

#230
No, drugs are trouble. I don't want no trouble.

#231
Relax. I got a gun for protection.

#232
Whoa! Where'd... What are you doing with that gun?

#233
You take a gun out?

#234
No drugs, no guns...

#235
- No trouble. - Hey, I could eat.

#236
- Give me something. - Help yourself.

#237
Make a sandwich in your mouth. It tastes really good.

#238
I know how to do it. I'm the one who taught you to do it!

#239
- Oh, God. This is insufferable. - Oh, my...

#240
Please, just continue.

#241
I just wanted to make an honest woman of Shadynasty.

#242
Settle down, start a life together.

#243
I was building up the nerve to ask her.

#244
I want those peas. Let me see that. Okay. All right.

#245
While I was busting my ass running the club,

#246
saving money wherever I could,

#247
Gino was just having one big party.

#248
No, no! I never danced with no guys!

#249
Maybe you did, maybe you didn't.

#250
No! No, no, no, no, no!

#251
I'm gonna tell you how it went.

#252
First off,

#253
I was banging babes left and right, left and right.

#254
Oh! Oh!

#255
But my past came back to bite me.

#256
Get lost, bimbo.

#257
Gino.

#258
Reggie, you're out of prison.

#259
It ain't Reggie no more.

#260
It's Hakim Mohamed.

#261
What's with the getup?

#262
Prison changed me.

#263
I'm a Black Panther now.

#264
We strong Black men, and we don't take kindly

#265
to you slinging dope in our hood, you dig?

#266
Are you threatening me?

#267
You bet your ass I am.

#268
But maybe this will change your mind.

#269
Ah, shit!

#270
It's a goddamn petition! What the hell?

#271
- I thought he was pulling a gun! - All right.

#272
I'm gonna take care of this, Frankie. You got to disappear for a while.

#273
Disappear? Where am I gonna disappear to?

#274
We're gonna get you to South America. I got connections.

#275
- South America? - What about Shadynasty?

#276
I'm gonna look after Shadynasty.

#277
- Frankie! - Shadynasty!

#278
- Frankie! - No! Shadynasty!

#279
That's when I started my new life.

#280
Colombia.

#281
What a dump.

#282
Gino scored me a job, all right.

#283
I was quality control for his Colombian cocaine connection.

#284
I'd become everything I hated.

#285
The only thing that kept me going

#286
was writing letters to Shadynasty.

#287
I wrote her every night.

#288
But I never heard back.

#289
Shadynasty!

#290
I occupied my mind,

#291
immersing myself in the culture,

#292
taking in the cuisine,

#293
but mostly doing cocaine.

#294
Ah!

#295
Ah-yow!

#296
That part was a blast actually.

#297
Weeks turned into months,

#298
and months turned into years.

#299
But I had to wean myself off.

#300
I was living life...

#301
- Oh! Oh, papi. - ... just going through the motions.

#302
I knew I had to get back home.

#303
Back to Shadynasty. Yes!

#304
GINO You shouldn't be calling. It's too risky.

#305
The little birdie wants to fly back to the cage.

#306
Uh, it's too close to the stove.

#307
There's too much heat.

#308
The little birdie can stand the heat.

#309
He wants to migrate home.

#310
The little birdie can't come home on account of the attempted murder!

#311
Why'd you say that, Gino?

#312
Ah! You used my name. I'm gonna hang up now!

#313
And don't come home, Frankie.

#314
Now you used my name!

#315
Please don't talk...

#316
I had to get back,

#317
so I snuck into the States.

#318
And what I saw when I got home made me sick.

#319
The plans we had for fixin'...

#320
What was once a clean, respectable jazz club

#321
had turned into a drug-filled disco shithole.

#322
Action I want to live

#323
And that's when I saw my brother...

#324
I want to give it

#325
I want to get some too

#326
...with Shadynasty.

#327
Oh-oh-oh-oh, I

#328
I love the nightlife I've got to boogie

#329
On the disco 'round

#330
Oh, yeah

#331
Oh, I love the nightlife

#332
I'm sorry to bust up your party!

#333
What?

#334
I said I'm sorry to bust up your party!

#335
What are you doing here?

#336
I was homesick!

#337
But now I'm just regular sick.

#338
Why?

#339
You were gone!

#340
- He was here! - Huh? Huh? What?

#341
She said that you were gone,

#342
and I was here!

#343
Oh, to get you hooked on drugs?

#344
Shadynasty, you have a choice!

#345
You can live a life with me,

#346
or you can live a life with him...

#347
and with drugs.

#348
What's it gonna be?

#349
Drugs.

#350
- Huh? - I choose drugs!

#351
- Drugs? - Drugs!

#352
She said drugs!

#353
You know,

#354
it's the way things go in the world.

#355
- You understand. - You son of a bitch!

#356
- Frankie, no... - You son of a bitch!

#357
You... You...

#358
You bald son of a bitch!

#359
I was bald before you were bald!

#360
You son of a bitch!

#361
- Break it up. Break it up. - You could have had any girl you wanted.

#362
She was my one and only. You stole her from me.

#363
You're stealing her from me.

#364
I found the new love letters you've been writing to her, Frankie.

#365
Talking about meeting up again and running away.

#366
What are you talking about?

#367
I haven't written to her in years.

#368
Bullshit! They're all signed, "Love, your one and only."

#369
I should have destroyed these, like I destroyed the letters from Colombia.

#370
What?

#371
You destroyed the letters I wrote to Shadynasty?

#372
I intercepted and I read every one of them.

#373
They were poetry.

#374
Each one was more beautiful than the last.

#375
Too beautiful though.

#376
I couldn't let Shadynasty read them...

#377
not if she was gonna stay with me.

#378
But these letters...

#379
these are smut.

#380
"I want to be in you.

#381
My dick is a raging bull for you."

#382
And this one here...

#383
"Meet me at the airport, Friday, at 5:00, Terminal 'C.'

#384
Love, your one and only."

#385
You are trying to steal her from me, Frankie, and I ain't gonna let you!

#386
Gino, Gino.

#387
That's not me.

#388
- I'm telling you, I never wrote those. - What?

#389
Dude, I just... I'm putting something together here.

#390
She's at the airport right now meeting some dude.

#391
So, like, if you want to try and get her back, you gotta move.

#392
Guys, it's almost 5:00.

#393
Now, I'd like to see this whole story play out.

#394
It's appealing to the romantic in me. I feel like I want to see it.

#395
- Come on, man. - Let's go to the airport!

#396
- Let's move. - Let's go!

#397
This is the gate.

#398
I don't see a Black woman anywhere.

#399
No. I mean, there's her, but...

#400
- That's her! - What?

#401
Really? That is not at all what I was picturing.

#402
- No. - No, right?

#403
Shadynasty.

#404
Frankie! Oh, my word!

#405
Oh! You're still as beautiful as ever.

#406
What are you doing here?

#407
Oh, you know, I wrote to you every single day from South America.

#408
I mean, I really feel like we could still be together.

#409
There's still a chance for us.

#410
Shadynasty, I'm sorry for whatever I did.

#411
Please, don't go.

#412
Don't choose Gino. Choose me.

#413
No, no, no. You choose me. I have loved you all my life.

#414
No, pick me. Our love was strong when we were together.

#415
- No. Pick me! Pick me, pick me. - Pick me, Shadynasty.

#416
I'm sorry, but I pick him.

#417
Ain't this some shit!

#418
- Reggie. - Reggie?

#419
Whoa! Everyone's a lot fatter than I was expecting them to be.

#420
Last time I saw you, Frankie, you had me sent to jail.

#421
But I forgive you. That's all in the past.

#422
Reggie is your one and only, huh?

#423
He was all along.

#424
But because of you two, he was always in jail.

#425
I could never be with him.

#426
Excuse me. Mr. Mohamed?

#427
- Yeah? - Your name came up on a no-fly list.

#428
I need you to come with us.

#429
Oh, hell, no. I'm supposed to be getting on this flight!

#430
- Sir, please cooperate. - Listen,

#431
I'm getting on that plane with Shadynasty.

#432
That's it. Let's take him down.

#433
Wait! Oh, hell, no!

#434
Times have changed! It can't still be like this!

#435
Leave him be! Reggie!

#436
No!

#437
- Did you call that in? - Nah, that just happened.

#438
Guess times kind of haven't changed much, huh?

#439
If I'm being honest, she looked like shit.

#440
- Mmm. - Yeah.

#441
- She did not age well at all. - No.

#442
- Did she ever look good? - She was never attractive.

#443
I guess Black can crack.

#444
That's still... Still kind of racist.

#445
- Yeah, that's racist. - Is anybody hungry?

#446
- Yeah, I'm hungry. - I'm starving.

#447
- Let's go eat. - I gotta eat something.

#448
Hey, did Frankie ever tell you about the time

#449
that I threw him off the John Wanamaker Building?

#450
- You son of a bitch. - He's told us about that.

#451
- He told us. - Yeah. I can't... I can't listen

#452
- to another goddamn story. - I don't wanna hear that story.

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