Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S07E07 — Chardee MacDennis - The Game of Games

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 7, Episode 7 — Chardee MacDennis - The Game of Games

#1
So what do you guys wanna do today?

#2
- I don't know. - We could sing a song.

#3
We just ate. We're drinking.

#4
Hey, you know what? Mac's coming over here pretty soon.

#5
Mac's always got something.

#6
- He'll have a plan... - He always has something.

#7
And he'll get us into something good.

#9
we're having a hard time getting into something good.

#10
- Oh, there he is. There he is! - Good timing!

#11
Mac in the house.

#12
Mac in the house.

#13
Mac in the house.

#14
Got some news...

#15
- Got some news for me? - Lay it on us.

#16
- What's your news? - No, what's your news?

#17
- Give us the news. - Oh, I don't have any news.

#18
I thought you guys have news.

#19
- You usually fire... - You always come in hot with news.

#20
Yeah, what's the plan?

#21
Oh.

#22
I got nothin'.

#24
That's disappointing.

#25
You usually fire in here with something.

#26
- Yeah. - I've actually been kinda bored today.

#27
- We're bored over here. - You guys bored too?

#28
We are bored out of our goddamn minds.

#29
You got no plan? Didn't run into a thing or...

#30
Don't you remember, love

#31
We built this city

#32
We built this city on rock and roll

#33
Oh.

#34
Wait.

#35
Guys, I know what we can do.

#36
You do?

#37
Let's play Chardee MacDennis.

#38
- Yes! Yes! - No!

#39
- No! - No, no.

#40
- No! 'Cause we're not playing it. - Yes!

#41
What's Chardee MacDennis?

#42
Chardee MacDennis is an awesome board game

#43
that we came up with many years ago on a day much like today.

#44
- That sounds like fun. - It is not fun.

#45
Chardee! Chardee!

#46
No, we're not playing it! We're not playing it!

#47
Don't start chanting it.

#48
Because we're not playing that stupid game!

#50
What's the big deal? It's only a game.

#51
It's not just a game!

#52
It's a war.

#53
Chardee MacDennis, the Game of Games.

#54
Now what we did is, we took our favorite aspects

#55
of a bunch of different board games and we mashed 'em all together.

#56
We did the same thing with the name, 'cause we couldn't agree upon one.

#57
Now the point of the game is actually quite simple.

#58
It's a race to the finish

#59
from level one to level three.

#60
- This is the board. - Yes.

#61
And we start at level one, which is "Mind."

#62
That consists of trivia, puzzles and artistry.

#63
Yes. It is also the level

#65
Whoa! You get to drink during the game?

#66
Uh, drinking is the game, Frank.

#67
- It's the whole point of it. - I'm not gonna play any game

#68
- in which I'm not getting annihilated. - Yes.

#69
Moving on to level two, which is "Body".

#70
- Physical challenge, pain and endurance. - Uh-hmm.

#71
- That's the beer level. - Yes, and level three is "Spirit".

#72
Emotional battery and public humiliation.

#73
Boom. Hard-alcohol level.

#74
What the hell are you doing, Deandra?

#75
Oh, this is very important, Frank.

#76
We gotta nail the board down to the bar,

#77
because at a certain point during the game,

#78
Mac's gonna get very pissed off 'cause he's not doing very well.

#79
He's gonna try and flip the board over.

#80
He's right. It's for the best.

#81
I will forget later that it's nailed down.

#82
- He will. - Okay, here's a big one.

#83
There's a 15 minute time limit to the game.

#84
Fifteen minutes doesn't seem like a long time for a game.

#85
Well, there's a fair amount of clock stoppages.

#86
Yeah, each team gets three time-outs.

#87
There's a halftime, post-level breaks, a two-minute warning

#88
and a significant amount of injury stoppages.

#89
Hence the first-aid kit.

#90
Now, pay very close attention to this next part.

#91
Each team must collect a certain number of cards at each level

#92
in order to progress to the next level.

#93
And the first team to complete all three levels wins the game.

#94
And the winner... Ooh.

#95
The winner gets a sweet prize.

#96
Nice!

#97
What's the prize?

#98
The winner gets to smash the other team's game pieces.

#99
- Yeah. - That's the prize?

#100
You get to smash the team's game pieces?

#101
Oh, it's incredibly gratifying.

#102
Oh, it's awesome, Frank.

#103
Now these are our game pieces.

#104
Nice, right?

#105
And these...

#106
are Mac and Charlie's pieces.

#107
Look at the condition that they're in.

#108
Pretty pathetic.

#109
As you can see from the state that these pieces are in,

#110
Mac and Charlie have never, ever,

#111
in the history of Chardee MacDennis, won the game.

#112
You never won?

#113
Never won once?

#114
No. It's almost statistically impossible

#115
to play that many games and never win, but...

#116
It's truly an anomaly.

#117
We haven't won yet, all right?

#118
- But maybe this is our time. All right? - I mean, yeah.

#119
- It is gonna happen. - Watch out! Watch out!

#120
Yeah. I'm gonna slit throats.

#121
- Nice. - Ack!

#122
I love this game! I want in!

#123
Okay, I want to be Mac and Charlie's partner.

#124
- That seems fair to me, and I'll say why. - Mmm-hmm.

#125
Because, you see, Frank's mind is still fairly strong,

#126
but his body's very, very weak, so I think it's a wash.

#127
And his spirit's garbage, so I'm okay with it too.

#128
- Right. - Hang on a second, dude.

#129
You can't just jump on our team.

#130
Let us talk about this.

#131
All right, first of all, we got a team photo, right?

#132
- Okay, yeah. - So we're gonna have to decide,

#133
you know, do we get a new team photo with or without you?

#134
Plus, we have a whole new strategy to come up with, you know.

#135
Although, our strategy has never worked.

#136
And I hate the team photo.

#137
Okay. You know what?

#138
- Just join our team. - You're on the team.

#139
Don't touch me.

#140
Don't touch me.

#141
Yes, and the Golden Geese

#142
are very much looking forward to another annihilation.

#143
Yes, we are. Now, in the spirit of tradition,

#144
I would like to propose that we begin the ritual of sportsmanship.

#145
- Good luck to you, sir. - And you, sir.

#146
I do hope you have a good game, miss.

#147
And you, sir.

#148
Why the hell are youse talkin' like that?

#149
Well, this is an important part of the process, Frank.

#150
Gives the illusion of respect for your opponent.

#151
Things are about to get real dark, real quick, Frank.

#152
It's nice to start off on a positive note.

#153
Oh, that reminds me.

#154
Once the game officially begins, you are not allowed to ask any questions.

#155
Yes! In fact, if you do, don't say a question.

#156
Look it up in the book of rules, okay?

#157
Jesus Christ!

#158
Oh, I think I understand.

#159
No, you haven't begun to understand, Frank, but that's okay.

#160
You'll get it as we go along, like every other board game.

#161
Dee, how much time?

#162
Uh, 10 seconds.

#163
Ah! Perfect! Okay, gentlemen.

#164
Suck my dick.

#165
What the shit are you doing?

#166
God damn it, Frank.

#167
You asked a question. God damn it.

#168
Frank, Mac, Charlie, drink for five seconds.

#169
Yeah, drink, drink, drink!

#170
This is how we get psyched up before each level.

#171
Yeah, that's our Maori war dance.

#172
It's how we demonstrate intimidation.

#173
Shows off our physical prowess!

#174
All right, Dee, put two more minutes on the clock.

#175
- Let's go. - Yep.

#176
Gentlemen,

#177
level one begins.

#178
Okay, first card is trivia.

#179
Okay, Dee, answer this question correctly, we get the card.

#180
- If not, they get a chance to steal. - Yes.

#181
All right, what is the greatest band in the world?

#182
Chumbawamba.

#183
Oh, correct! Nice!

#184
Whoa! That's not trivia.

#185
That doesn't make sense.

#186
Well, we made up all these questions, Frank,

#187
so there's gonna be a lot of opinion.

#188
Yeah, really it's more of a memory game than anything else.

#189
- But drink. - Drink, bitch.

#190
- Let's go. - All right, whatever. Our turn. Our turn.

#191
- Here we go. Ready, Charlie? - Yeah.

#192
No puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles...

#193
- Trivia! - Trivia!

#194
I can do trivia, baby.

#195
Oh, dude, and you definitely wrote this one.

#196
- Nice. - Lay it on me! Lay it on me!

#197
Question, "Dennis is asshole.

#198
Why Charlie hate?"

#199
I know this.

#200
I know. I know.

#201
I don't think I wrote that.

#202
You definitely wrote this one, Charlie.

#203
Who else would have written this?

#204
- Uh, I'm not remembering that. - Oh, my God.

#205
- I don't think I wrote that one. - Of course you did!

#206
How many other illiterates are in the...

#207
Just throw out a guess.

#208
- Pass. - No!

#209
- You pass? - Pass?

#210
Don't... No, he didn't... He didn't pass.

#211
- He didn't pass. - Just throw out a guess.

#212
Any guess, come on.

#213
- Pass. - Son of a bitch!

#214
I can't think of one.

#215
- All right, chance to steal. - Oh!

#216
Because Dennis is a bastard, man.

#217
That's what it is.

#218
- I definitely wrote that. - That was it, right?

#219
- Yeah! - Two cards. Two cards.

#220
Two cards.

#221
I was mad at you about something.

#222
- I wrote that. - Doesn't matter.

#223
Next card is Artistry.

#224
And it's an all play, so pay attention, guys.

#225
All play. All play.

#226
"The artist from your team

#227
must draw the clue from the card on your teammate's back.

#228
The teammate must guess the clue based solely on feel."

#229
You ready?

#230
I'm going to pass the card over to the drawer.

#231
I draw. I draw. All right?

#232
Yeah, I don't want to have to read it.

#233
Oh, this is hard.

#234
- All right, ready? - All right. All right. All right.

#235
- You guys ready? - Yeah.

#236
- Begin! - Go, go, go, go, go!

#237
Hey, go!

#238
Uh, uh, bird?

#239
I'm not getting it, dude.

#240
That's because it's impossible to draw.

#241
I don't know how to...

#242
Jesus, Dee, your back is so bony and crooked and all over the place,

#243
I can't get a flat surface.

#244
- Anger! - Let me have it.

#245
Let Frank go. Let Frank go, go, go, go.

#246
Oh, if only the answer was ribs.

#247
Go, go. Frank, give me... Give me the...

#248
Kicking. Yeah. Kicking.

#249
He got it. He got it!

#250
Yeah. I forgot about your stupid, strange connection with each other.

#251
We get the card. We get the card.

#252
Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink.

#253
No puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles.

#254
Chance!

#255
Chance.

#256
This is a great one, Frank.

#257
We stole this straight from Monopoly.

#258
It could be good.

#259
- It could be bad. - Mmm-hmm.

#260
- That's the chance. - Got it.

#261
Oh! It's like the best one.

#262
"Take the money from everyone's pockets."

#263
- That's, like, the best one. - Oh, shit. Goddamn it.

#264
Foo-foo, fork over, foo-foo.

#265
That's the best card there is.

#266
Relax.

#267
Frank, I don't know what you're so excited for.

#268
- Give me your money. - What?

#269
I'm on your team.

#270
Frank, the card says, "Take the money from everyone's pockets."

#271
Everyone. You are everyone.

#272
- Charlie gave up his 50 cents. - I got $500 in my pocket.

#273
I'm not putting my money on the table.

#274
- You gotta do it, dude. That's the game. - Give it to me.

#275
- That's a part of the game, Frank. - Let me see that card.

#276
No. If you're gonna play the game...

#277
- Let me see that card. - That's not a part of the game.

#278
- Let him see the card. - Show him the card.

#279
- Show him the card. - Let him see the card.

#280
"Swallow this card whole."

#281
- Oh! - Cheating!

#282
- Cheating! - That's cheating.

#283
You've been caught cheating.

#284
Time's stopped.

#285
You've been caught cheating.

#286
We're on the same team, dude.

#287
Look, Frank, cheating is tolerated. It's accepted.

#288
It's like a big part of the game,

#289
but if you get caught cheating, they advance to the next level.

#290
- Goddamn it. - You ruined my scheme.

#291
Well, you know, in his defense, you were trying to steal his money.

#292
It was not the time to cheat, dude.

#293
- Enjoy that. - Only one card down.

#294
Yeah, well, it's too late now.

#295
- What's done is done, so... - Uh-oh.

#296
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

#297
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

#298
To the Game of Games!

#299
Yes, Frank, good. You're getting it.

#300
Very civil. Mmm.

#301
Can questions now I ask that clock stop-ed?

#302
Okay, just 'cause you jumble up the words

#303
doesn't make it not a question,

#304
but the answer is yes.

#305
When the clock is stopped, all rules are off and civility reigns.

#306
- Yes. - Okay. They advance. Do we?

#307
Ah. Yes. I'll explain it to you, Frank.

#308
It can get a little confusing.

#309
They are now in level two.

#310
Which means they need only two cards

#311
to advance to level three.

#312
We are still in level one.

#313
It's a goddamn mind-boggler.

#314
Yeah, I've never really understood it.

#315
But the point is, if Mac's telling you what to do, listen.

#316
Okay.

#317
Now at level two, there is no more cursing.

#318
Oh, yeah.

#319
Big-time level two rule.

#320
Where we at here? Where we at?

#321
All right. Oh, gentlemen, it's time.

#322
Oh, is it? Kick it!

#323
You flinch, you lose.

#324
Here we go.

#325
- Didn't wince. - It's all right.

#326
- Nothing. Not even a... - All right. All right.

#327
- Oh! - Aw, come on.

#328
Nothing.

#329
The problem is, his hands are like...

#330
So tiny.

#331
If Dee had gotten this, we could have just...

#332
- Obliterated those giant paws. - All right. I got... I got it.

#333
I'm gonna put it right in the center of his hand.

#334
Do it. Do it.

#335
Oh!

#336
Cheese and crepes!

#337
All right, hit him, hit him!

#338
Dadgummit!

#339
Let me have a go at it.

#340
- Yeah. - Yeah, here.

#341
Nice! Wait for it.

#342
Wait for it.

#343
- Cheese and crepes. - Son of a gun.

#344
Cheese and crepes!

#345
Dee,

#346
we'll be taking this card.

#347
- Cheese and crow. - All right, it's our turn.

#348
- Let's go get the cards. - Let's do it.

#349
No, puzzles, no, puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles,

#350
no puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles,

#351
no puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles, no puzzles...

#352
Chance.

#353
- Chance. Okay. - Okay, all right.

#354
Okay, could be good. Could be bad.

#355
"Go to jail. Do not pass.

#356
Go. Do not collect $200."

#357
Sand of a bunch.

#358
Sand of a bunch.

#359
All right, we take our pieces, we put 'em in jail.

#360
Oh, no, no, no, no. Frank, see, you don't get it.

#361
There's no jail on the board, so you go in there.

#362
- You gotta be kidding me. - Mmm-mmm.

#363
No, jail's a dog kennel.

#364
You can get out, but you're not gonna like how.

#365
You gotta eat a cake.

#366
- That's sounds good. - It's not.

#367
You have to eat the ingredients of a cake.

#368
- Aw, shit. - One, by one...

#369
- Oh! - Oh!

#370
Stop the clock!

#371
- Dude! - You cursed!

#372
Aw! I hate this game.

#373
I hate this game.

#374
All right, all right, all right.

#375
We drink for five seconds.

#376
No, you're not getting it.

#377
In level two, the other team counts.

#378
Four...

#379
five...

#380
Awful.

#381
- No more cursing. - No more cursing.

#382
Get in jail.

#383
Let's go.

#384
Yeah. You might want to brush up on some of these rules

#385
- while you're in there too, pal. - Yeah.

#386
That's a good idea. Let him read the rule book.

#387
Yeah.

#388
All right, our turn.

#389
Ooh, all play.

#390
"Physical challenge...

#391
The Grape Gobble."

#392
Oh, nice!

#393
Grape Gobble's my thing, man.

#394
Charlie's favorite board game?

#395
Hungry Hungry Hippos.

#396
Hungry Hungry Hippos.

#397
Ready, set, go.

#398
Go, go, go.

#399
Go, Charlie. Go, Charlie. Go.

#400
Put my cage on the bar so I can see.

#401
Shut up, dog.

#402
Gobble, gobble, come on.

#403
Come on, Dee. Go, go, go.

#404
- And time. - Ho! Ho!

#405
That's time.

#406
Oh, no.

#407
- It's only five. I only got five. - Oh, sheets!

#408
- Bed sheets! - Yeah!

#409
You definitely got more than five.

#410
Yeah, yeah! I ate, like, 12!

#411
Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa.

#412
You're not supposed to eat them.

#413
The rule is you're sup...

#414
You're not supposed to eat them.

#415
There's no way we can tell how many you...

#416
We win the level.

#417
- We have Big Bubble. - We get the card!

#418
- We're on level three. - We get on level three. Level three now.

#419
- Wait, they're still inside me! - It's still inside him.

#420
- Yeah, let... - I can get them out!

#421
- Doesn't matter! - Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter now.

#422
Golden Geese!

#423
Golden Geese!

#424
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

#425
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

#426
We move on to level three!

#427
I hate this game! I hate this game!

#428
- Oh, no, this part. Oh, my God. - Oh.

#429
- Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, I know this game.

#430
Board flipping.

#431
Cheating.

#432
I'm so sick from that cake stuff.

#433
Well, you shouldn't have even eaten it, man,

#434
'cause the game's gonna be over in a second.

#435
They're gonna kill us.

#436
Hold on a second.

#437
I got a plan.

#438
When I was in the cage, I had the book.

#439
Save it, Frank.

#440
There's no way we can beat them, okay?

#441
They are tailor-made for level three.

#442
Last time we played, Dee got "Emotional Battery."

#443
We berated that bitch for, like, two straight hours.

#444
I mean, really personal stuff.

#445
Way over the line.

#446
The kind of stuff that cuts you to the core, you know?

#447
She held it together without a single tear.

#448
Dude, when her two minutes were up, she cried for a month straight.

#449
- Yeah, it was really sad. - Every day, crying all day long.

#450
She talked about taking too many pills.

#451
I think she tried to kill herself.

#452
She did, she did.

#453
I saw it, but I didn't tell you about it.

#454
Are you bitches ready for round three?

#455
'Cause you're going down, clowns.

#456
Dennis, I want to tell you something.

#457
- Yeah? - I hope I get "emotional battery"

#458
this time from them,

#459
because this is why...

#460
You guys, you always emotional batter me.

#461
And I'm gonna... I'm fine with it.

#462
I don't care about it. I'm getting good at it now.

#463
So that's something that I hope for this game.

#464
- Okay. - Let me help you with that.

#465
- Oh, Frank. - Frank, come on!

#466
Okay, so I broke another rule.

#467
- Oh, you did? - Oh, you broke a rule?

#468
Don't rat us out if it's a rule!

#469
Probably not a rule. Let's keep playing.

#470
- It probably is a rule. - I don't think it's a rule.

#471
- I think it is. - Rule 463...

#472
"When a player spills his or her drink,

#473
his or her team has to chug the opponents' drinks."

#474
You are a terrible,

#475
- terrible teammate. - I don't want to chug

#476
hard alcohol on top of all this wine.

#477
- It's like... - No, that's okay.

#478
- You don't have to do it. - You don't have to,

#479
because you guys are in level one.

#480
You can't even drink hard alcohol anyway.

#481
They're trying to trick us, 'cause then we'll not drink it,

#482
and it'll be a rule that we had to drink it.

#483
- We're playing the game. - No, no, it's fine.

#484
No tricking us. We're playing the game.

#485
- We're playing the game. - It's Chardee MacDennis.

#486
This tastes like water.

#487
- This is water. - Aha!

#488
I knew it!

#489
- Well... - I knew it was water.

#490
When he threw his beer in my face, I could taste it.

#491
Shut up, dog!

#492
- Cheaters! Cheaters! - Yeah, cheaters.

#493
- You've been cheating! - We caught you cheating!

#494
Eff you in the "A"! Eff you in the "A"!

#495
Eff you in the "A"!

#496
- Congratulations, all right? - Fudge on crackers, all right?

#497
- Mr. Falconing sons of birds. - Motherfathers,

#498
you've caught us cheating

#499
for the first time in, like, 18 games.

#500
If the team ahead gets caught cheating,

#501
then the team behind jumps to their level, which means...

#502
- Level three! - Level three!

#503
Level three!

#504
- Okay. - We've never been to level three before.

#505
I'm going to level three! I'll see you in level three!

#506
Yep, yep, yep, yep.

#507
We're going to level three

#508
We are the team going to level three

#509
That was the buzzer.

#510
Oh.

#511
The timer's never gone off before.

#512
So what does that mean?

#513
Wait, look that up, because you guys always win before the timer goes off so.

#514
It means we have to draw the black card.

#515
I don't remember a black card.

#516
- There's a black card? - What's the black card?

#517
- I don't remember. - I don't remember

#518
- a black card at all. - Black.

#519
Guys, this could be some dark shit right here.

#520
- Here it is. - This is gonna be a battle to the death.

#521
Ooh!

#522
- Oh, that's scary. - All right, read it.

#523
Open it, open it, open it, open it!

#524
Brace yourself. Get ready.

#525
- Here I go. - Huh?

#526
- What do we... Why... - I don't know.

#527
- I don't know. - Read it.

#528
"In the event of a tie, a winner must be chosen.

#529
There can be only one.

#530
And so it comes to this.

#531
Flip...a... coin."

#532
Flip a goddamn coin?

#533
- That's what we came up with? - Flip a coin.

#534
That's lame as shit.

#535
Oh, now I remember. When we were writing the rules,

#536
at one point, we just got really bored, and we phoned it in.

#537
That is so lame!

#538
No, it's awesome.

#539
Think about this, Mac.

#540
They can't out-cheat us, they can't outsmart us.

#541
This isn't about, like, physical endurance or anything like that.

#542
This is just up to the gods right now, Mac!

#543
And there's a 50-50 chance we're winning this whole thing, right now.

#544
No.

#545
- Tails never fails. - Tails never fails!

#546
- Tails never fails. - Tails never fails.

#547
Frank, we're taking tails!

#548
- All right, all right, just flip the coin. - All right.

#549
Flip that coin. Flip that coin! Flip that coin!

#550
Flip that coin!

#551
Flip that coin!

#552
Flip that coin!

#553
Yes!

#554
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

#555
Ah! That felt good.

#556
Losers.

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