Home » The Boys » S01E01 — The Name of the Game

The Boys

Season 1, Episode 1 — The Name of the Game

#1
♪ ♪

#2
(engine running)

#3
Yo, I am so psyched for Invisible Force 2.

#4
Please. Invisible Force 1 was lame.

#5
I'm all about Rising Tide.

#6
Rising Tide? The Deep?

#7
-Uh-huh. -Translucent could kick the Deep's ass.

#8
(scoffs) How? He's invisible.

#9
That's, like, all he's got. That's it.

#10
Exactly. He sneaks up on the Deep,

#11
and then boom, motherfucker!

#12
-Sit down. -Until the Deep makes a shark

#13
bite Translucent's dick off.

#14
How's he gonna find his dick? It's invisible.

#15
(tires screeching)

#16
(siren wailing)

#17
Holy shit.

#18
(horn honking)

#19
(woman screams)

#20
-(grunts) -Benjy!

#21
Get up. Get up, get up, get up.

#22
Come on, Benjy. Come on, come on.

#23
(man grunting)

#24
(indistinct chatter)

#25
Stay back.

#26
Just stay the fuck back.

#27
What are you smiling at?

#28
(screaming)

#29
(gunfire)

#30
(screams)

#31
BENJY: Homelander?

#32
You boys okay?

#33
(car alarm blaring)

#34
Can I... can I get a selfie?

#35
Course you can.

#36
(siren wailing)

#37
ANCHOR: The Seven's Queen Maeve and Homelander

#38
made another heroic save today,

#39
stopping a hijacked armored truck

#40
on the streets of Brooklyn,

#41
then staying behind for a photo op

#42
-with some very lucky fans. -Nice to meet you.

#43
-Jean? -Thanks, Jennifer. And now...

#44
HUGHIE: So, this is pretty much

#45
everything in one. Bluetooth speakers.

#46
It's in stereo, so you can put it

#47
all around your living room, have some fun with it.

#48
You said you have a standard cable box, right?

#49
-Uh-huh. -Okay, then I need to get you an audio transmitter,

#50
aptX Low Latency.

#51
It makes it so there's less audio lag,

#52
and it's got a standard optical in.

#53
And let's hook you up with thousand-meg HDMI.

#54
Let's go with this one.

#55
Uh, it costs a little bit more,

#56
but the carbon's way more conductive.

#57
(indistinct chatter over TV)

#58
Hey, Gary. Um...

#59
-I really need to talk to you about something. -Later, kid.

#60
Okay. Cool.

#61
Later-- you want, like... want, like, 30-30 minutes?

#62
Like, a solid 45?

#63
Excuse me, sir?

#64
Hi. I'd like to make an appointment

#65
for you to come over and...

#66
lay some cable.

#67
Okay. Uh... oh, Robin.

#68
Oh, dear, dear, Robin.

#69
Um, that doesn't mean what you think it means.

#70
Um, "laying cable" means sex.

#71
No, "laying pipe" means sex.

#72
"Laying cable" means

#73
you want me to come over to your house

#74
-and just take a big, old shit. -(chuckles)

#75
-That's disgusting. -Well, okay.

#76
But you... Who-who said it, though?

#77
Okay. Are you ready? Despite your best efforts,

#78
I'm actually still hungry.

#79
-I'm actually more hungry now. -(laughs)

#80
-Where are we gonna go after all this hot talk? -I don't know.

#81
-You know? -More importantly, where are we gonna go

#82
-to lay some cable afterwards? -(laughs)

#83
Geez.

#84
So, did you ask him?

#85
-Who? -Gary.

#86
Did you ask Gary for the raise?

#87
Yeah. Yeah. It was-- it was a...

#88
Look, it was a crazy day, and-and he was super busy,

#89
but tomorrow for sure. Yes.

#90
Okay.

#91
What was I supposed to do, kick his door down?

#92
Like Homelander?

#93
I said "okay."

#94
Yeah, but you didn't mean it.

#95
Hey, I see the look.

#96
I see it. Come on.

#97
This is like when we started dating.

#98
I don't think that's... I don't think that's true.

#99
Dude, I had to ask you out.

#100
Well, excuse me for waiting.

#101
You ever hear of chivalry?

#102
Listen, this is about you getting what you deserve.

#103
I'm killing myself at school

#104
because I think it's gonna be worth it for both of us.

#105
You know, if we move in together.

#106
Wait, what? What? W-W-Wait. Hey, hey, hey.

#107
Hey, hey. What was that?

#108
What'd you just say?

#109
Well, I mean, we can't keep, you know, laying pipe

#110
at your dad's place.

#111
Trying to be all quiet.

#112
Staring up at that dumb Billy Joel post...

#113
-...poster. -Hey.

#114
Don't you ever besmirch Billy Jo...

#115
(panting)

#116
I can't stop. I can't stop. I can't stop. I can't stop.

#117
Can't stop. Can't stop.

#118
Robin?

#119
Robin?

#120
Robin!

#121
(voice breaking): Robin!

#122
("Barracuda" by Heart playing)

#123
♪ You lying so low into the weeds ♪

#124
♪ I bet you gonna ambush me ♪

#125
♪ You'd have me down, down, down ♪

#126
♪ Down on my knees... ♪

#127
Let the energy go through the wall.

#128
I am Starlight.

#129
I'm 110 pounds, and I'm five foot six.

#130
CASTING DIRECTOR: Turn around, please.

#131
Okay. Let's see it, dear.

#132
-You should look away. -Sorry?

#133
You should turn away from the camera,

#134
and you should close your eyes, or else I'll blind you.

#135
All right.

#136
Okay, go ahead.

#137
I am so sorry.

#138
Are you all right?

#139
I was born Super-Abled.

#140
Uh, my mom was thrilled.

#141
She took me to all the little miss hero pageants,

#142
but I hated it.

#143
Ugh, I mean, I can still...

#144
smell the hairspray.

#145
Uh, but... (clears throat)

#146
...at the Q and A, they always asked me what my wish was,

#147
and I always said, "to save the world."

#148
And the judges just chuckled

#149
like it was cute.

#150
But it wasn't a joke to me.

#151
Since when did "hopeful" and "naive"

#152
become the same thing?

#153
I mean, why would you get into this business

#154
if not to save the world?

#155
That's all I have ever wanted.

#156
(chuckles)

#157
And that's why I've always wanted

#158
to be in The Seven.

#159
(sighs)

#160
(sighs)

#161
ANCHOR: Thanks, Jennifer.

#162
Thought Robin's service was nice.

#163
Did you see how many people came?

#164
Wow.

#165
Lot of respect for that girl.

#166
Lot of love in the room.

#167
And the spread. What a spread.

#168
Just really nice.

#169
MADELYN: That does not begin to convey

#170
the terrible regret...

#171
Aw, geez. Maybe there's a movie on.

#172
-No, keep it. -No, we can switch it.

#173
-Keep it. -(clears throat)

#174
...awful, tragic loss.

#175
My deepest condolences to Robin Ward's family.

#176
I was chasing these bank robbers.

#177
She just stepped in the middle of the street,

#178
and I-I couldn't...

#179
Middle of the...

#180
She was a half step off the fucking curb.

#181
Oh, now, come on, Hughie.

#182
Just, uh, don't get upset, okay? Just...

#183
He knows.

#184
MADELYN: ...swift, thoughtful attention...

#185
(doorbell rings)

#186
Now I think that A-Train would like to get back to work.

#187
MAN: Everyone at Vought is just...

#188
just wrecked about Robin.

#189
Now, you two weren't married, and look,

#190
technically, there's no legal claim.

#191
But...

#192
Vought wants to do the right thing:

#193
offer you $45,000 in restitution.

#194
All you have to do is sign

#195
right here,

#196
and I'll offer you the check.

#197
This is a confidentiality agreement.

#198
It's a boilerplate NDA.

#199
I sign this, and...

#200
I can't talk about it?

#201
Have to pretend like it didn't happen,

#202
like I wasn't holding Robin's arms in my hands?

#203
Look, I know you're upset,

#204
but we're just trying to help.

#205
Then say you're sorry.

#206
Excuse me?

#207
I mean, you people say "our condolences"

#208
and "my sympathies" and "our regrets,"

#209
but nobody can look me in the fucking eye

#210
and say "I'm sorry."

#211
I'm not signing anything. Get out.

#212
I said get the hell out!

#213
You okay?

#214
As I said, boilerplate NDA, really.

#215
Pretty standard stuff.

#216
Can I think about it?

#217
If you have any questions at all,

#218
just, uh...

#219
(door opens)

#220
-(exhales) -(door closes)

#221
DISPATCHER: Unit 44, code 20.

#222
Address is 1420 63rd Street...

#223
Any maniacs out there?

#224
Mm-mm. Quiet night.

#225
Like every night.

#226
(sighs) That's too bad.

#227
We could really use the press right now.

#228
Oh, Annie.

#229
I'm hungry.

#230
Don't worry. I didn't get the job.

#231
You don't know that.

#232
They're auditioning girls nationwide.

#233
Besides, Countess probably got it.

#234
-She's so good in a room. -(phone ringing)

#235
If you're negative, negative things happen to you.

#236
Hello?

#237
Yes, I'm her mother.

#238
Uh, yes. Uh...

#239
uh, one moment.

#240
(whispering): It's them.

#241
It's them.

#242
Hello?

#243
Yes, this is she.

#244
I got it?

#245
-You got it! -(screams)

#246
You got it!

#247
Shh.

#248
(whispering): Oh, my God.

#249
Uh, I'm so... I'm so sorry.

#250
It's a weird connection.

#251
I don't know what that was, actually.

#252
Uh... Mm-hmm.

#253
HUGHIE: Oh, shit.

#254
MAN: Yeah?

#255
MAN 2: I think she was an addict.

#256
MAN: Needle tracks?

#257
MAN 2: 12 marks on one arm.

#258
MAN: More dope coming in.

#259
More pushers at work.

#260
What you doing?

#261
Can't file a criminal case

#262
against A-Train. Supes are like cops.

#263
They can't be charged

#264
-for damages while they're on the job. -Okay.

#265
But maybe we can file a wrongful death.

#266
I just got to get Robin's parents to sign off on it.

#267
-Hughie, come sit with me. -Dad, I'm not...

#268
-I'm right... -(pats couch)

#269
Okay.

#270
Good for you.

#271
You want to make this right, what happened to Robin.

#272
But you can't.

#273
So sign this.

#274
What?

#275
This is a lot of money, Hughie.

#276
We could really use it.

#277
I can't-- Dad, they killed her.

#278
Be realistic, okay?

#279
Even if we could pay for a lawyer--

#280
and that's a big if-- there's no case.

#281
She was in the street.

#282
-Be like if a bus hit her. -Dad, she was one step

#283
-off the curb. -I...

#284
-I saw it! -Hughie, look. Look.

#285
-You can't do this. -Why not?

#286
-Dad, I have... -You don't have the fight.

#287
You never have.

#288
I'm sorry, but it's-it's true.

#289
Neither do I.

#290
Now...

#291
come and... come and sit with me, okay?

#292
Remington Steele's on.

#293
-Hughie! Where you going? -(door opens)

#294
(door closes)

#295
(sighs)

#296
TV REPORTER: ...the red carpet outside of Vought headquarters,

#297
here for the annual shareholders presentation...

#298
(fans talking indistinctly, shouting)

#299
ASHLEY: There she is.

#300
-Welcome to New York. -(fans cheering)

#301
I'm Ashley Barrett, director of talent relations.

#302
So, uh, are all these people here for me?

#303
Oh, honey.

#304
(laughs) Who else would they be here for?

#305
Come on.

#306
We're running late.

#307
Oh, my God.

#308
(fans screaming, cheering)

#309
(camera shutters clicking)

#310
MADELYN: Ladies and gentlemen,

#311
it is without a doubt a good time

#312
to be in the Superhero business.

#313
Our net income is up 14%.

#314
Our latest film, G-Men: World War,

#315
just grossed shy

#316
-of $1.7 billion world-wide. -(cheers and applause)

#317
And this fall, we break ground

#318
on our newest theme park outside of Paris.

#319
The branding opportunities are limitless.

#320
(cheers and applause)

#321
But, you know, none of that really matters.

#322
Because job one is managing, supporting,

#323
and advising the brave heroes

#324
who put themselves in harm's way each and every day

#325
for us.

#326
Let's take a look.

#327
♪ ♪

#328
MADELYN (on video): A world without crime,

#329
with liberty and justice for all,

#330
that's within our reach,

#331
thanks to the 200-plus Superheroes

#332
in the Vought Family.

#333
We see a bright future ahead,

#334
where there is a Vought Hero in every town.

#335
You're doing really well, by the way, so far.

#336
I-I haven't done anything yet.

#337
Yeah, exactly. You're already up

#338
two-and-a-half points with Midwesterners

#339
and conservative Christians in 18 to 49.

#340
That speech, by the way, your audition--

#341
(exhales) It was modest; it was humble.

#342
Really fucking smart choice.

#343
Uh, I-I meant it.

#344
ASHLEY: Yeah, that's why we love you.

#345
So you ready for your life to change?

#346
(exhales)

#347
MADELYN (on video): ...including the jewel

#348
in Vought's crown,

#349
the greatest superhero team

#350
the world's ever seen:

#351
The Seven.

#352
That is our job, our honor.

#353
We are Vought.

#354
We make heroes super.

#355
(cheering, whooping, applause)

#356
I have a very exciting surprise for you.

#357
Both a member of The Seven,

#358
and Lord of the Seven Seas,

#359
live and in person, the Deep.

#360
(cheering and applause)

#361
♪ ♪

#362
DEEP: Thank you.

#363
Thank you, everybody.

#364
After a long,

#365
distinguished career with The Seven,

#366
my good friend, the Lamplighter, has retired.

#367
Let's give him a big "thank you."

#368
-What do you say? -(applause)

#369
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Thank you, Lamplighter!

#370
(cheering and applause)

#371
But now,

#372
as we turn towards the future,

#373
I'd like to introduce someone very special.

#374
And I, for one, can't wait to work with her.

#375
Please welcome Starlight.

#376
Go. Go. That's you.

#377
(cheering and applause)

#378
-Ooh, look at that. -MADELYN: Ladies and gentlemen,

#379
Starlight and the Deep.

#380
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)

#381
(whooping)

#382
Oh. Hi.

#383
MAN (in audience): I love you, Starlight!

#384
♪ ♪

#385
WOMAN (in audience): We love you!

#386
(panting)

#387
(breathing heavily)

#388
(breathing heavily)

#389
(echoing): Hey, buddy, you okay?

#390
Hey, buddy!

#391
(hyperventilating)

#392
Wow.

#393
Pretty cool, huh?

#394
Oh, hey, check this out.

#395
We have two World View-4 satellites

#396
in geocentric orbit.

#397
We can essentially read a getaway car's license plate

#398
from 380 miles up.

#399
That is just...

#400
I mean...

#401
G-- I was working with a police scanner

#402
that I bought on eBay.

#403
(chuckles) Yeah, well, not anymore you're not.

#404
Oh, and wait till you check out the dining room.

#405
We, uh, may or may not have stolen Miro

#406
from Gramercy Tavern.

#407
(laughs) Yeah, he's fan-fucking-tastic.

#408
That's his, isn't it?

#409
Homelander's? Yeah.

#410
But you'll have your own soon.

#411
Here. Come on.

#412
Give it a test drive.

#413
(chuckles) Come on.

#414
O-Oh, you-you okay?

#415
It's just...

#416
(inhales, exhales sharply)

#417
I used to stand in the mirror,

#418
pretending to be where I am right now.

#419
You know something?

#420
On my first day, I, uh...

#421
Well, I-I felt like a fraud.

#422
Yeah. But the good news is, everybody feels that way.

#423
Thank you.

#424
And, hey, we're a team now.

#425
We'll help each other out.

#426
I bet growing up you had

#427
a poster of Homelander on your wall, huh?

#428
No, actually, I...

#429
I don't know, Homelander's so--

#430
He's like Jesus or something.

#431
If you want to know the truth,

#432
I actually had a poster of you.

#433
(laughs) Really?

#434
-Yeah. Yeah. I kind of-- -Oh.

#435
I kind of had a schoolgirl crush on you.

#436
-Oh, my God. -Oh, my God.

#437
I hope that's not inappropriate to say.

#438
No, no, no, no, no. It's not inappropriate at all.

#439
-It's just, it's kind of wild. -(sighs)

#440
(Deep sighs)

#441
(gasps)

#442
What? (chuckles)

#443
I mean, you said you had a crush on me.

#444
I figured that, you know...

#445
-That is... -Whoa, whoa, wh-wh-whoa, hey.

#446
Look, you're gorgeous.

#447
I'm not-- I'm not talking about sex,

#448
just a little bit of pole-smoking.

#449
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

#450
It's just a question of how bad you want to be in The Seven.

#451
-Excuse me? -(glass shattering)

#452
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

#453
Hey, hey, hey. Hey. (chuckles)

#454
Take it easy. (chuckles)

#455
Settle down. We're just, we're just talking.

#456
And look, I know that you're powerful.

#457
I get it. Your powers are no joke.

#458
The thing is...

#459
I am number two around here.

#460
(sighs) So, like, if I say so,

#461
you know, you'd be out of here.

#462
Especially since you attacked me.

#463
I what?

#464
Yeah. Look.

#465
I mean, Iowa's sweetheart, the Defender of Des Moines,

#466
just went psycho on the Deep.

#467
(exhales) I mean, that...

#468
that could put you out of the business.

#469
Yeah. (exhales sharply)

#470
I mean, home to Mommy, tail tucked between your legs.

#471
Just think of all those kids.

#472
I mean, the kids.

#473
Those kids who look up to you,

#474
they'd just be shattered.

#475
(exhales)

#476
I mean, th-that's not what you really want, right?

#477
Or we come together as a team.

#478
You and me, we just roll with the punches,

#479
for, like, three minutes, maybe.

#480
It's not a big deal.

#481
And then you know what happens?

#482
All your dreams come true.

#483
I-I'm sure you guys have all heard

#484
that Translucent stopped a home invasion

#485
in Yonkers last night, a young, single mother

#486
-and her two kids. -(cheers and applause)

#487
Just incredible. Just...

#488
So tell us, how are you able to-to vanish?

#489
No, I don't actually vanish.

#490
My skin turns into this carbon meta-material

#491
that bends the light.

#492
Like an invisibility cloak.

#493
All right, but just to be clear,

#494
you have to be completely naked, right?

#495
(TV audience reacts)

#496
I appreciate you coming on the show, my man. I love you.

#497
You guys stay tuned for a behind-the-scenes look

#498
at Invisible Force 2, and later, Translucent himself...

#499
(clears throat)

#500
You interested in a nanny cam?

#501
'Cause we're actually running a special on that.

#502
Um, it's a pretty popular bear.

#503
There's cameras in the eyes.

#504
BUTCHER: Tell me,

#505
how many nannies shake their babies?

#506
Uh, I'm sorry?

#507
You know, a good... hard shake, like...

#508
like tryin' to get ketchup out of a bottle.

#509
One percent? Less?

#510
I-I don't really know.

#511
Funny, that.

#512
They sell a billion dollars worth of that shit worldwide.

#513
Goes to show you, doesn't it?

#514
The bollocks people will believe

#515
if you get them scared enough.

#516
(scoffs) Cool.

#517
Cool, cool.

#518
Um...

#519
Is there anything I can help you with today, or...?

#520
I'm not gonna piss you about, Hughie.

#521
I heard what happened to Robin.

#522
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, who are you?

#523
She wasn't in the street.

#524
She was one step off the fucking curb.

#525
And you didn't take the pay-off.

#526
Yeah. I said, who the hell are you?

#527
How do you know that?

#528
Name's Butcher.

#529
Billy Butcher.

#530
Listen, I was thinking that, uh,

#531
you and me should have a little bit of a chat.

#532
Y-You're a Fed?

#533
You don't sound like a Fed.

#534
What, I can't immigrate?

#535
There's a giant green slapper with her ass in the harbor

#536
that says different.

#537
You don't really look like one, either.

#538
No? What do I look like?

#539
Like you're starring in a porn version of The Matrix.

#540
Well, it's all right there in black and white.

#541
Okay. Uh, what exactly can I do for you?

#542
No, you got it all wrong, Hughie.

#543
It's what I can do for you.

#544
You see, you ain't alone, son.

#545
It happens a lot more than you think.

#546
Supes lose hundreds of people each year to collateral damage.

#547
No. Come on, that'd be all over the news.

#548
People would be screaming bloody murder.

#549
Yeah, look, there might be the odd mention

#550
of it now and again, like with Robin,

#551
but there's a fuck-sight more that happens

#552
that just gets swept right under the rug.

#553
Why?

#554
Ain't it obvious?

#555
Movie tickets, merchandising,

#556
theme parks, video games.

#557
A multi-billion dollar global industry supported

#558
by corporate lobbyists

#559
and politicians on both sides.

#560
But the main reason that you won't hear about it

#561
is 'cause the public don't want to know about it.

#562
See, people love that cozy feeling that Supes give them.

#563
Some golden cunt

#564
to swoop out of the sky and save the day

#565
so you don't got to do it yourself.

#566
But if you knew half the shit they get up to...

#567
Ooh... (clucks tongue)

#568
Fuckin' diabolical.

#569
But then... that's where I come in.

#570
Come in to... to do what?

#571
Spank the bastards when they get out of line.

#572
How do you spank a Supe?

#573
Come on, son.

#574
Uh, where?

#575
You'll love it.

#576
Uh, not likely.

#577
Uh, listen.

#578
I think this is good; I'm good.

#579
Uh, thank you for an extremely weird conversation,

#580
but, uh, I don't want to go to a second location with you.

#581
So, I'm gonna get back to work.

#582
Thank you.

#583
Hughie! Hughie.

#584
(sighs)

#585
This is your one and only, mate.

#586
Once I go, I'm gone.

#587
I'm offering you the opportunity

#588
to get them that got your girl.

#589
What have you got to lose

#590
that you ain't already lost?

#591
♪ ♪

#592
Where are we?

#593
Keep your mouth shut.

#594
Harry.

#595
Got your message.

#596
Thank you for being an upstanding citizen.

#597
You know this is fucking police brutality, man.

#598
You know what they'll do to me, they catch me letting you in?

#599
Not half of what I'll do if you don't.

#600
Did he just say you were police?

#601
Yeah, you know, cop, Fed, all the same to twats like that.

#602
(door closes)

#603
(loud, indistinct chatter)

#604
♪ ♪

#605
Holy shit.

#606
Pick your jaw up off the floor

#607
and try to blend in.

#608
This is the only place

#609
where the Supes can scratch their filthy little itch

#610
without the paps taking snaps.

#611
♪ I did a bad, bad thing ♪

#612
-(gasps) -♪ I did a bad, bad thing ♪

#613
Wait, wait, wait. That's Ezekiel.

#614
♪ I did a bad, bad thing. ♪

#615
The "Capes for Christ" guy...

#616
preaches all that...

#617
"pray the gay away" shit.

#618
BUTCHER: And now he's the meat in the Manwich.

#619
Fucking hypocrite.

#620
♪ You ever pray with all your heart and soul ♪

#621
♪ Just to watch her walk away? Yeah... ♪

#622
BUTCHER: Keep going forward.

#623
That's it. Further.

#624
Further.

#625
There. There.

#626
-Stop. -HUGHIE: Wait, wait, wait.

#627
A-Train's... A-Train's here right now?

#628
Was. This is from last night.

#629
Turn it up.

#630
I cannot believe you ran through a bitch.

#631
A-TRAIN: You want to hear something crazy?

#632
I ran so fast through this bitch

#633
that I swallowed one of her molars.

#634
Like a bug on the fucking freeway.

#635
Dude, that's nasty.

#636
(both laughing)

#637
They're laughing.

#638
Just... Like she's a joke.

#639
(laughter continues)

#640
They're fucking laughing.

#641
So what are you gonna do about it?

#642
(Starlight vomiting)

#643
(retches, pants)

#644
(toilet flushes)

#645
(water running)

#646
-(water stops) -(Starlight sniffles)

#647
Oh, for Chrissakes.

#648
Clean yourself up.

#649
Never let them see you like this.

#650
-(sighs) -Translucent,

#651
you're a goddamn pervert.

#652
Ah...

#653
Oh, uh...

#654
I'll just go.

#655
HUGHIE: They're all like that?

#656
All of them? Even Homelander?

#657
Homelander's the exception.

#658
He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke.

#659
Man's a saint.

#660
But the rest of 'em, yeah.

#661
Pardon my French, fuck those fuckers.

#662
Here.

#663
Have a shufti of that.

#664
-What are these? -That's the police log

#665
the day that Robin got murdered.

#666
Couple of bar fights. A few cars got nicked.

#667
But you know what's not in there?

#668
No bank alarms going off.

#669
No one charged at Central Booking.

#670
A-Train stopped two bank robbers, my arse.

#671
Someone's fucking hiding something.

#672
-Hiding what? -Well, I don't know,

#673
whatever dodgy shit he was up to that night.

#674
Why couldn't he stop? I mean, what was in that bag?

#675
You know? Who was he running from?

#676
-Or where was he running to? -Bingo.

#677
Work that out, and we'll have the fucker, I can smell it.

#678
Okay.

#679
Okay, so, um...

#680
what can I do to help?

#681
Here's what you do.

#682
Ring Vought, tell 'em you'll take the money, sign the NDA,

#683
but only if A-Train's there in person when you do it.

#684
Why does A-Train need to be there?

#685
Then they'll take you into The Seven Tower,

#686
through security, mate,

#687
-and then you're gonna plant a bug. -A bug?

#688
A bug. And we'll have a little listen.

#689
See what's really going on.

#690
Okay, let me just... sorry, let me just get this straight.

#691
You want me to... you want me to go to Seven Tower by myself,

#692
and-and you want me to plant a bug,

#693
like I'm... what, like I'm fuckin' James Bond?

#694
-Yeah, exactly. You got it. -You're FBI.

#695
If you're FBI, then get a warrant.

#696
-Why do you... why do you even need me? -Hughie, Hughie,

#697
look, mate, I got a warrant, all right?

#698
But that place is firewalled, untappable,

#699
and locked up tighter than a nun's knickers.

#700
I couldn't get myself in there in a million years.

#701
But you, son, you could do it.

#702
-No, no, I can't, okay? -Yeah.

#703
I can't. No. You didn't see A-Train covered in...

#704
And-and I'm, what, I'm just supposed to go in there,

#705
and I'm supposed to... I'm supposed to shake his hand?

#706
-And smile? -Yeah.

#707
I'm not... Do you know who my favorite musician is?

#708
-Who? -James Taylor.

#709
Number two, Simon & Garfunkel. Number three, Billy Joel.

#710
Any of those guys, they don't infiltrate.

#711
Okay? I'm not an infiltrator.

#712
Hughie, Hughie, fucking grow a pair.

#713
You heard that cunt laughing at your girl.

#714
No. No. No.

#715
No, I can't. I can't do that.

#716
I'm sorry, I'm just gonna fuck it up,

#717
and you're not gonna have your bug...

#718
(panting): ...and I'll be dead.

#719
I'm not... I'm not like you.

#720
(door opens)

#721
(door closes)

#722
(chuckles): This is amazing, Madelyn.

#723
Thank you for this. My kid is gonna lose his mind.

#724
Ah, it is our pleasure.

#725
Just do not sell it online.

#726
(Madelyn chuckles)

#727
All right. What are you thinking?

#728
Baltimore is a beautiful town.

#729
But you've got a problem.

#730
Your homicide rates are up, what, 62%?

#731
The police are not closing cases.

#732
You're on the verge of needing a federal lifeline.

#733
Cut to the chase, Madelyn.

#734
Who are you proposing?

#735
Nubian Prince.

#736
Fits your population's demo,

#737
but not too militant.

#738
Caucasians love him, too, with a...

#739
59% approval rate.

#740
I am willing to give you a three-year exclusive contract

#741
with full PR support,

#742
and I'm gonna give you nine and a half points

#743
of the merchandising.

#744
I thought he was in Detroit.

#745
Well, we're thinking about making a move.

#746
How much?

#747
-$300 million a year. -(laughs)

#748
(both laughing)

#749
I know, I know, it's a tough swallow.

#750
But we both know that your city needs a hero.

#751
$200 million for Nubian Prince.

#752
-I can sell that. -Mm.

#753
I'm sorry, Steve, I can't do it.

#754
We've got Atlanta waiting in the wings.

#755
-I think maybe you can. -(chuckles)

#756
And why is that?

#757
I happen to know about Compound V.

#758
What is Compound V?

#759
It's the type of rumor

#760
that could really tarnish those heroes of yours.

#761
Nobody wants that.

#762
People need heroes.

#763
Now, I can make sure that that stays a rumor,

#764
because I'm a friend.

#765
But friendship does cut both ways.

#766
I'm sorry, Steve, I don't know what you're talking about.

#767
$300 million is the price,

#768
or we go to Atlanta.

#769
DONNA: So, how amazing is it?

#770
What's Homelander like?

#771
Uh... he's busy.

#772
I haven't really met him yet, but...

#773
Mom, I got to tell you what happened.

#774
Oh, I forgot.

#775
I was playing mah-jongg with Patty and Trish,

#776
and Patty is going on and on about how her daughter

#777
got into med school, and I'm thinking, so what?

#778
My daughter got into The Seven!

#779
Anyway, so-so, what did you want to tell me?

#780
Everything's great.

#781
Just how we dreamed.

#782
Um...

#783
Mom, actually, you know what? I have to go.

#784
All right. Bye, honey.

#785
(sniffles)

#786
(takes deep, shuddering breath)

#787
Um...

#788
excuse me.

#789
I'm sorry, a-are you okay?

#790
Just seemed like a...

#791
tough call.

#792
Sorry. I don't mean to bother you.

#793
No, no, it's okay.

#794
Uh...

#795
I'm fine. I'm just...

#796
I'm just having a bad day.

#797
(chuckles): Yeah, me, too.

#798
Uh... is it, like, a-a work thing, or...

#799
a-a life thing?

#800
(smacks lips) It's a work thing.

#801
You?

#802
Uh... life thing.

#803
You know how you have this...

#804
image of yourself?

#805
Like, I thought I was strong.

#806
You know? Like, made of steel.

#807
A fighter.

#808
And...

#809
then I was faced with this horrible situation

#810
with this asshole...

#811
and...

#812
I just heard my mom's voice in my head,

#813
"Keep smiling,

#814
the show must go on,"

#815
and... I didn't fight.

#816
And now I just feel sick.

#817
Partly because I did it, but...

#818
mostly because...

#819
...turns out I'm not who I thought I was.

#820
(sighs)

#821
-Oh. Oh, I'm, um, sorry. -Uh...

#822
I-I didn't mean to just dump all of that

#823
-onto you. -No, no, it's totally fine that you dumped. Um...

#824
Listen, d-do you like your job?

#825
Oh.

#826
It's the only thing I've ever wanted.

#827
And it's a good job?

#828
Like, you're not selling kids smack?

#829
No, it's a great job.

#830
I could help a lot of people.

#831
Thing is, I, um...

#832
used to know this girl,

#833
and we used to go skating at Rockefeller,

#834
and I'd be on the side

#835
with this death grip on the rails.

#836
She would just charge headfirst into the middle of the rink.

#837
And she wasn't... good.

#838
Like, she fell--

#839
a lot--

#840
but she was never scared.

#841
And she always used to say:

#842
"Just 'cause you fall on your ass doesn't mean

#843
you have to stay there."

#844
So you fell on your ass, you know?

#845
That's not who you are.

#846
So who are you?

#847
I'm a fighter.

#848
I'm gonna fight.

#849
Yeah.

#850
I'm gonna take that son of a bitch's head

#851
-clean off his body. -Okay. Wow, that was...

#852
Okay.

#853
-Cool. -(exhales)

#854
Little scary, but...

#855
but-but cool.

#856
I'm-I'm Hughie, by the way.

#857
Annie.

#858
(door opens)

#859
(door closes)

#860
♪ ♪

#861
Okay, man. I'm in.

#862
Okay, it's ringing.

#863
DOUG: Yeah, hello?

#864
Hi. Hi.

#865
Yes, hello. Hello, Mr. Friedman.

#866
It's Hughie Campbell. I got your message,

#867
and-and $45K, it's just...

#868
it's just... it's bingo, like, life-changing.

#869
Um, but I just need one thing before I-I sign anything.

#870
I need an apology

#871
-from A-Train. -Uh, he already apologized.

#872
Well, no, no, no.

#873
No, he hasn't. Yes, he sent his...

#874
he sent his regrets and his sympathies on...

#875
(voice breaks): on TV, but I-I...

#876
if I could just get an apology face-to-face,

#877
that would be fantastic.

#878
Just to... just for closure,

#879
just to put... just to put a b-button on it.

#880
Okay, yeah. But, uh...

#881
Hugh, I'm telling you, the answer's gonna be no.

#882
All right, in that... in that case, can you

#883
just give me-- Uh, hello?

#884
I think... They hung up.

#885
I don't think they're gonna go for it.

#886
Hmm. Oh, yes, they will.

#887
(door opens)

#888
(takes deep breath)

#889
HOMELANDER: Starlight.

#890
Don't want to be late to your first official meeting.

#891
I had a whole welcome speech planned.

#892
Sorry, sir.

#893
Please, Homelander's fine.

#894
Beginning to wonder if you'd even show up.

#895
I mean, all that pressure,

#896
it's a lot for anyone to swallow.

#897
Yeah. Don't worry, I'll be fine.

#898
I'm here,

#899
and I'm not going anywhere.

#900
TRANSLUCENT: Can we get back to this, please?

#901
This is a serious crime. These assholes pirated my movie

#902
three weeks before release,

#903
and you can't walk down 5th Avenue

#904
without bumping into a table of unlicensed Homelander shirts.

#905
Copyright infringement is costing Vought

#906
$1.2 billion per year.

#907
That's money out of our pockets.

#908
We've all got, what, four points each?

#909
What the fuck?

#910
You got four points?

#911
And clearly better lawyers.

#912
Hey, hey, hey, guys, come on.

#913
Stop.

#914
What's Starlight gonna think?

#915
Listening to us haggling over nickels.

#916
We're The Seven, for God's sake.

#917
Whether we're out there or we're in here.

#918
Now, what I do want to hear

#919
is who you saved this week.

#920
Huh?

#921
Who's up for that?

#922
(chuckles)

#923
Black Noir.

#924
Let's start with you, man.

#925
(engine shuts off)

#926
Do you have a dog?

#927
No.

#928
All right, give us your phone.

#929
There's fuck-all security to worry about.

#930
In fact, they're a bunch of muppets.

#931
And the metal detector won't pick this up.

#932
Right? And what they'll probably do is take you

#933
through the security and then up into the boardroom.

#934
Sit down. Be nice, congenial.

#935
Then, real polite-like, tell 'em you're gonna take a fake shit.

#936
Go into the bog, take the bug out.

#937
Peel back the plastic bit to reveal the sticky side.

#938
Put the plastic bit in the bog. Flush it.

#939
Then go back into the boardroom,

#940
sit down-- big smiles--

#941
plant the bug underneath the table.

#942
Easy peasy Japanesey.

#943
Bob's your uncle. That's that.

#944
-That's that? That was-- that was a lot. -Yeah.

#945
Th-- I've-- Hold on, can you just-- can you repeat it again?

#946
Just a little bit slower? Because I...

#947
Shh. Listen.

#948
-Fuck. (exhales) -Hughie, calm down, all right?

#949
This is like that scene in The Matrix.

#950
Now, you could take the fucking red pill, right?

#951
Spend the rest of your life jacking off,

#952
crying into your chai tea

#953
green latte, what the fuck. Or...

#954
you could take the blue pill.

#955
Or is it the red pill? Anyway, take the other pill

#956
-and quit being a cunt. -Which pill do you want me to take?

#957
Just quit being a cunt. That's what I'm saying.

#958
(quietly): Fuck me. Okay.

#959
("Take You Down" by Daniel Pemberton playing)

#960
♪ ♪

#961
(indistinct chatter)

#962
♪ ♪

#963
(beeping)

#964
Sir, could you empty your pockets, please?

#965
(beeping)

#966
♪ ♪

#967
Thank you.

#968
♪ ♪

#969
(grunts)

#970
Um...

#971
excuse me, can-can I, uh...

#972
can I use your bathroom?

#973
DOUG: Just to be clear, A-Train's apology

#974
isn't an admission of any sort of culpability whatsoever.

#975
Do you understand?

#976
(high-pitched ringing)

#977
(panting)

#978
(muffled): I'm sorry about what happened to your girlfriend,

#979
all right?

#980
(panting)

#981
(laughter)

#982
Hey, dude, are you okay?

#983
(ringing stops)

#984
Fine.

#985
I appreciate the apology.

#986
Accidents happen, right?

#987
After all,

#988
I mean, you were saving the world.

#989
Okay, great. Thank you so much. As you know,

#990
a crimefighter's work is never done. Douglas here will handle

#991
the rest of the paperwork for you, okay? Thank you.

#992
(speaking indistinctly)

#993
Can I use your bathroom?

#994
(grunts)

#995
-(door opens) -(clang)

#996
(groans quietly)

#997
(door shuts)

#998
(sighs)

#999
(inhales, exhales)

#1000
(door opens)

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