Home » Scrubs » S04E16 — My Quarantine

Scrubs

Season 4, Episode 16 — My Quarantine

#1
J.D., NARRATING: BEFORE I SETTLED ON THE OUTFIT

#2
FOR MY FIRST DATE WITH KYLIE,

#3
FOR MY FIRST DATE WITH KYLIE,

#4
I HAD TO RUN IT BY THE EXPERTS.

#5
SO BE HONEST BUT NOT TOO HONEST,

#6
'CAUSE I'M FEELING A LITTLE CHUNKY.

#7
'CAUSE I'M FEELING A LITTLE CHUNKY.

#8
(WHISPERING)

#9
WE LIKE IT.

#10
OH, THANK GOD. I COULD HAVE SWORN I HEARD THE WORD JOWLY.

#11
OH, THANK GOD. I COULD HAVE SWORN I HEARD THE WORD JOWLY.

#12
SO, UH...HA. HOW MANY OUTFITS DID YOU TRY ON

#13
BEFORE YOU PICKED THAT ONE?

#14
BEFORE YOU PICKED THAT ONE?

#15
NOT TOO MANY.

#16
NOT TOO MANY.

#17
YOU KNOW, ON A FIRST DATE,

#18
I COULD SEE WHAT A GUY WAS WEARING

#19
I COULD SEE WHAT A GUY WAS WEARING

#20
AND KNOW EXACTLY HOW FAR HE WAS GONNA GET THAT NIGHT.

#21
OH, ME, TOO. AND THAT GUY'S GETTIN' BOOBIES. YEAH, HE IS.

#22
OH, ME, TOO. AND THAT GUY'S GETTIN' BOOBIES. YEAH, HE IS.

#23
WHOA! THAT GUY'S GETTIN' A HUG AT THE DOOR.

#24
WHOA! THAT GUY'S GETTIN' A HUG AT THE DOOR.

#25
AND THAT GUY IS GETTING

#26
A FAKE NAME AND A PHONE NUMBER WITH 6 DIGITS.

#27
A FAKE NAME AND A PHONE NUMBER WITH 6 DIGITS.

#28
I KNOW HOW RIDICULOUS THIS LOOKS.

#29
I DON'T THINK YOU DO.

#30
I DON'T THINK YOU DO.

#31
BUT THE ENTIRE ENSEMBLE WORKS TOGETHER,

#32
AND THE JACKET NEVER COMES OFF.

#33
AND THE JACKET NEVER COMES OFF.

#34
NOW, CARLA, I NEED THE KEYS TO THE MINI-CONVERTIBLE, OK?

#35
BECAUSE THAT GIRL IS NOT GETTING ON MY SCOOTER.

#36
BECAUSE THAT GIRL IS NOT GETTING ON MY SCOOTER.

#37
THE TOP WON'T GO UP.

#38
IT'LL BE AWESOME.

#39
IT'LL BE AWESOME.

#40
SORRY ABOUT YOUR HAIR.

#41
SORRY ABOUT YOUR HAIR.

#42
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP.

#43
I GOT A SCRUNCHIE.

#44
I GOT A SCRUNCHIE.

#45
(SCRUNCHING SOUNDS)

#46
(SCRUNCHING SOUNDS)

#47
THERE! HA HA!

#48
THERE! HA HA!

#49
(THUMP)

#50
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

#51
(GASPS)

#52
IT'S A POOR LITTLE POSSUM!

#53
IT'S A POOR LITTLE POSSUM!

#54
WE SHOULD TAKE HIM TO THE VET.

#55
J.D.: IT WAS SOPHIE'S CHOICE--

#56
J.D.: IT WAS SOPHIE'S CHOICE--

#57
EITHER HEARTLESSLY LEAVE THE POSSUM THERE TO DIE

#58
OR WRAP THAT LITTLE GUY UP IN MY SPORTS COAT

#59
OR WRAP THAT LITTLE GUY UP IN MY SPORTS COAT

#60
AND REVEAL THE SHORT-SLEEVED NERD JERSEY THAT LURKED BENEATH.

#61
AND REVEAL THE SHORT-SLEEVED NERD JERSEY THAT LURKED BENEATH.

#62
CAREFUL. HIS LITTLE HOOF IS BLEEDING ON THE GEAR SHIFT.

#63
OH. SORRY.

#64
OH. SORRY.

#65
THIS THING'S DEAD. THAT'LL BE $120.

#66
THIS THING'S DEAD. THAT'LL BE $120.

#67
(THINKING) $120 FOR A STUPID DEAD RAT?

#68
(THINKING) $120 FOR A STUPID DEAD RAT?

#69
I THINK IT'S SO SWEET

#70
THAT YOU'RE DEPRESSED ABOUT THAT POOR LITTLE POSSUM.

#71
THAT YOU'RE DEPRESSED ABOUT THAT POOR LITTLE POSSUM.

#72
I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HIM.

#73
I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HIM.

#74
LITTLE CARLTON.

#75
I NAMED HIM AFTER MY UNCLE.

#76
I NAMED HIM AFTER MY UNCLE.

#77
HE HAD RED EYES.

#78
ALLERGIC TO PRESERVES, BUT HE SPREAD 'EM ON EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW?

#79
ALLERGIC TO PRESERVES, BUT HE SPREAD 'EM ON EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW?

#80
ANYWAY, WE ONLY LOST ABOUT A HALF HOUR.

#81
ANYWAY, WE ONLY LOST ABOUT A HALF HOUR.

#82
WE CAN STILL MAKE THAT RESERVATION.

#83
OH, THERE'S POSSUMS EVERYWHERE!

#84
NO, NO, NO. IT'S JUST A BOX.

#85
NO, NO, NO. IT'S JUST A BOX.

#86
MAN: OW!

#87
A...TALKING BOX.

#88
A...TALKING BOX.

#89
I THINK YOUR SHIRT STOPPED THE BLEEDING.

#90
GREAT!

#91
GREAT!

#92
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LAVERNE.

#93
THANKS, CARLA.

#94
THANKS, CARLA.

#95
DID YOUR BROTHER MAKE YOU FACE CAKE?

#96
SURE DID!

#97
SURE DID!

#98
CARLA: WOW!

#99
CAN I HAVE A PIECE OF THAT FACE CAKE?

#100
CAN I HAVE A PIECE OF THAT FACE CAKE?

#101
I HEARD THERE WAS FACE CAKE.

#102
FACE CAKE! I HEARD--

#103
BACK OFF!

#104
BACK OFF!

#105
I'M SAVING THIS FOR MY PARTY TONIGHT.

#106
(DISAPPOINTED GROANS)

#107
OUTSTANDING.

#108
OUTSTANDING.

#109
NURSE, DO ME A FAVOR, PLEASE. BANDAGE THIS GENTLEMAN UP?

#110
NURSE, DO ME A FAVOR, PLEASE. BANDAGE THIS GENTLEMAN UP?

#111
J.D.: I THINK THEY SENSED THAT MY FIRST DATE WASN'T GOING PERFECTLY,

#112
AND EVEN THOUGH I COULD SMELL FACE CAKE IN THE AIR,

#113
IT WAS ABOUT TO GET WORSE.

#114
IT WAS ABOUT TO GET WORSE.

#115
DR. DORKIAN, I PRESUME?

#116
THE EX-GIRLFRIEND FROM HELL.

#117
GET OUT! GET OUT BEFORE SHE SPRAYS HER TOXIC STINK

#118
GET OUT! GET OUT BEFORE SHE SPRAYS HER TOXIC STINK

#119
ALL OVER YOUR NEW RELATIONSHIP.

#120
ALL OVER YOUR NEW RELATIONSHIP.

#121
DANNI, LOVE TO STAY AND TALK,

#122
BUT I'M GIVING KYLIE HERE A TOUR OF THE ICU.

#123
BUT I'M GIVING KYLIE HERE A TOUR OF THE ICU.

#124
HEY, HEY, YOU WERE GONNA TAKE ME BACK TO THE UNDERPASS!

#125
HEY, HEY, YOU WERE GONNA TAKE ME BACK TO THE UNDERPASS!

#126
AFTER THE TOUR! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THE UNDERPASS?

#127
AFTER THE TOUR! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THE UNDERPASS?

#128
SHE'S YOUR NIGHTMARE SISTER. YOU TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER.

#129
I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY WITH HER. SHE STOLE A SWEATER.

#130
I SPENT THE WHOLE DAY WITH HER. SHE STOLE A SWEATER.

#131
SO WHAT? YOU'RE THE ONE WEARING IT. NOW, LET'S GO EAT.

#132
SO WHAT? YOU'RE THE ONE WEARING IT. NOW, LET'S GO EAT.

#133
I'VE HAD NOTHING ALL DAY EXCEPT VODKA AND OLIVES.

#134
I'VE HAD NOTHING ALL DAY EXCEPT VODKA AND OLIVES.

#135
THANKS FOR THE SHIRT, LONNIE.

#136
THANKS FOR THE SHIRT, LONNIE.

#137
ARE YOU DOING THIS BECAUSE I FORGOT TO SHAVE THIS MORNING?

#138
(THINKING) GOOD LORD! THAT'S A ONE-DAY MOUSTACHE?

#139
(THINKING) GOOD LORD! THAT'S A ONE-DAY MOUSTACHE?

#140
NO, LONNIE.

#141
IT'S SO GREAT,

#142
IT'S SO GREAT,

#143
BECAUSE THE RESIDENTS ARE PRACTICALLY OUR SLAVES.

#144
(THINKING) AAH! I JUST SAID SLAVES TO MY NEW BLACK GIRLFRIEND!

#145
(THINKING) AAH! I JUST SAID SLAVES TO MY NEW BLACK GIRLFRIEND!

#146
(THINKING) AAH! I JUST SAID SLAVES TO MY NEW BLACK GIRLFRIEND!

#147
UNFREEZE J.D. IT'S OVER.

#148
(WHISPERING) SO, UH...

#149
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS GUY?

#150
WELL, LET'S SEE.

#151
WELL, LET'S SEE.

#152
"FATIGUE, FEVER, MALAISE."

#153
HAVE YOU BEEN TO HONG KONG, SIR?

#154
YEAH.

#155
YEAH.

#156
J.D.: AND THEN I SAID SOMETHING STUPID.

#157
COULD BE SARS.

#158
I FORGOT THAT IF ANY DOCTOR SUSPECTS SARS,

#159
IT'S CAUSE FOR IMMEDIATE QUARANTINE LOCKDOWN.

#160
IT'S CAUSE FOR IMMEDIATE QUARANTINE LOCKDOWN.

#161
(ALARM BLARES)

#162
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, NEWBIE?

#163
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, NEWBIE?

#164
QUARANTINIS, ANYONE?

#165
QUARANTINIS, ANYONE?

#166
# I CAN'T DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN, NO, I KNOW #

#167
# I CAN'T DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN, NO, I KNOW #

#168
# I'M NO SUPERMAN #

#169
MR. DONALDSON HASN'T BEEN TO HONG KONG IN 20 YEARS,

#170
MR. DONALDSON HASN'T BEEN TO HONG KONG IN 20 YEARS,

#171
SO I BET MY ONE REMAINING TESTICLE NO ONE HAS SARS.

#172
SO I BET MY ONE REMAINING TESTICLE NO ONE HAS SARS.

#173
UNFORTUNATELY, BY HOSPITAL POLICY, WE HAVE TO STAY LOCKED DOWN

#174
UNFORTUNATELY, BY HOSPITAL POLICY, WE HAVE TO STAY LOCKED DOWN

#175
UNTIL THE LABS COME BACK, AND THAT'S GOING TO TAKE SEVERAL HOURS.

#176
UNTIL THE LABS COME BACK, AND THAT'S GOING TO TAKE SEVERAL HOURS.

#177
SO LET'S HANG IN THERE AND NOT FORGET THIS IS ALL DR. DORIAN'S FAULT.

#178
SO LET'S HANG IN THERE AND NOT FORGET THIS IS ALL DR. DORIAN'S FAULT.

#179
KYLIE, ANGRY MOB. ANGRY MOB, KYLIE.

#180
KYLIE, ANGRY MOB. ANGRY MOB, KYLIE.

#181
HEY. HEY.

#182
SARS SUCKS.

#183
SARS SUCKS.

#184
OK. YOU CAN DIRECT ANY TECHNICAL QUESTIONS

#185
TO MY FORMER SISTER-IN-LAW.

#186
TO MY FORMER SISTER-IN-LAW.

#187
HI. HI.

#188
OTHERWISE, LET'S BEAR IN MIND THAT WE ARE SHORT-HANDED.

#189
OTHERWISE, LET'S BEAR IN MIND THAT WE ARE SHORT-HANDED.

#190
THERE ARE ONLY 4 DOCTORS HERE.

#191
I COUNTED MORE THAN THAT.

#192
I COUNTED MORE THAN THAT.

#193
I'M TALKING LEGITIMATE DOCTORS, TURTLE HEAD.

#194
PEE PANTS IS A PATHOLOGIST, SO HE DOESN'T COUNT.

#195
JOHNSON IS A DERMATOLOGIST, WHICH IS GREEK FOR "FAKE DOCTOR,"

#196
JOHNSON IS A DERMATOLOGIST, WHICH IS GREEK FOR "FAKE DOCTOR,"

#197
AND PLEASE DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON YOU 4 SURGEONS.

#198
AND PLEASE DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON YOU 4 SURGEONS.

#199
THERE'S ONLY 2 OF US.

#200
YOU ARE SO VERY USELESS, I COUNTED YOU BOTH TWICE.

#201
YOU ARE SO VERY USELESS, I COUNTED YOU BOTH TWICE.

#202
YEAH, YOU DID. TCH, TCH.

#203
SO BE HONEST. IS THIS THE WORST FIRST DATE

#204
YOU'VE EVER BEEN ON OR WHAT?

#205
YOU'VE EVER BEEN ON OR WHAT?

#206
I DON'T KNOW. I THINK IT'S KIND OF EXCITING...

#207
I DON'T KNOW. I THINK IT'S KIND OF EXCITING...

#208
BEING IN A HOSPITAL, GETTING TO SEE YOU IN ACTION.

#209
I JUST WISH I COULD BE YOUR ASSISTANT.

#210
I JUST WISH I COULD BE YOUR ASSISTANT.

#211
SAY NO MORE. LONNIE--SHIRT.

#212
NO!

#213
NO!

#214
DON'T MAKE ME SAY PANTS. I'LL DO IT.

#215
STILL TANNING, I SEE.

#216
HE'S YOUR BITCH, ISN'T HE?

#217
YEAH.

#218
THAT IS SO CUTE!

#219
THAT IS SO CUTE!

#220
I'LL GO CHANGE.

#221
SO, KYLIE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S HAVING FUN.

#222
SO, KYLIE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S HAVING FUN.

#223
IT'S A FRONT. SHE'S MISERABLE.

#224
IT'S A FRONT. SHE'S MISERABLE.

#225
SO FAR, THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT'S BEEN PUTTING A POSSUM TO SLEEP,

#226
AND THAT'S NOT A EUPHEMISM.

#227
J.D., SEEING A YOUNG DOCTOR DO HIS JOB

#228
J.D., SEEING A YOUNG DOCTOR DO HIS JOB

#229
IS AN AMAZING TURN-ON FOR A GIRL.

#230
MY DAD'S A DOCTOR, AND I REMEMBER HOW EXCITED I WAS

#231
MY DAD'S A DOCTOR, AND I REMEMBER HOW EXCITED I WAS

#232
THE FIRST TIME I SAW HIM WORK AT THE HOSPITAL.

#233
THE FIRST TIME I SAW HIM WORK AT THE HOSPITAL.

#234
I MEAN, I DIDN'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM,

#235
BUT THERE WERE DEFINITELY SOME COMPLICATED FEELINGS.

#236
BUT THERE WERE DEFINITELY SOME COMPLICATED FEELINGS.

#237
BUT THAT'S TOTALLY NORMAL FOR AN 11-YEAR-OLD, RIGHT?

#238
BUT THAT'S TOTALLY NORMAL FOR AN 11-YEAR-OLD, RIGHT?

#239
ANYWAY, YEAH...

#240
I FORGOT--

#241
I FORGOT--

#242
SO WHAT FIRST, DOCTOR?

#243
WELL, YOU NEED A CHART.

#244
WELL, YOU NEED A CHART.

#245
LONNIE--CHART!

#246
YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.

#247
(THINKING) EXCEPT FOR THAT GLORIOUS MOUSTACHE.

#248
(THINKING) EXCEPT FOR THAT GLORIOUS MOUSTACHE.

#249
HEY, GROUCHY PANTS. DO YOU WANNA HANG OUT?

#250
DOES "HANG OUT" MEAN CHOKE YOU?

#251
DOES "HANG OUT" MEAN CHOKE YOU?

#252
HEY, DANNI, WHAT'S SHAKIN'?

#253
HEY, DANNI, WHAT'S SHAKIN'?

#254
TURK AND CARLA'S WEDDING-- WE MADE OUT.

#255
TURK AND CARLA'S WEDDING-- WE MADE OUT.

#256
SO DID WE.

#257
WAS IT AT THE SAME TIME?

#258
WAS IT AT THE SAME TIME?

#259
'CAUSE I HAVE A HABIT OF DOING THAT AT PEOPLE'S WEDDINGS.

#260
'CAUSE I HAVE A HABIT OF DOING THAT AT PEOPLE'S WEDDINGS.

#261
LEAVING. GOOD SHOW, FELLOWS.

#262
WAIT FOR ME, PER-PER!

#263
WAIT FOR ME, PER-PER!

#264
SMOOTH MANEUVER, HOOVER.

#265
SMOOTH MANEUVER, HOOVER.

#266
YOU SCARED HER OFF.

#267
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS EMBARRASSINGLY FORWARD!

#268
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS EMBARRASSINGLY FORWARD!

#269
I'M BORED. I'M A SURGEON, AND THERE'S NO SURGERY.

#270
I'M BORED. I'M A SURGEON, AND THERE'S NO SURGERY.

#271
WHY DO YOU THINK I BROUGHT YOU IN HERE?

#272
WE'RE SHORT-HANDED. MR. DEMPSEY NEEDS HIS BEDSORES REDRESSED.

#273
WE'RE SHORT-HANDED. MR. DEMPSEY NEEDS HIS BEDSORES REDRESSED.

#274
BABY, THAT'S NURSE STUFF.

#275
I DON'T HAVE THE EXPERTISE.

#276
I DON'T HAVE THE EXPERTISE.

#277
TURK, ANY IDIOT CAN BE A NURSE.

#278
I KNOW. I JUST THINK--

#279
I KNOW. I JUST THINK--

#280
I KNEW YOU THOUGHT THAT. I KNEW IT!

#281
I KNEW YOU THOUGHT THAT. I KNEW IT!

#282
YOU TRICKED ME.

#283
SAY SHE'S MINE, MURPHY!

#284
SAY SHE'S MINE, MURPHY!

#285
NOT TILL YOU KILL ME!

#286
THE ONLY THING I DETEST MORE THAN TREATING PATIENTS

#287
THE ONLY THING I DETEST MORE THAN TREATING PATIENTS

#288
IS TREATING PATIENTS ON AN EMPTY STOMACH. I'M FAMISHED.

#289
WE'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR 8 MINUTES.

#290
I HAVEN'T EATEN SINCE YESTERDAY.

#291
I'VE BEEN STARVING MYSELF

#292
I'VE BEEN STARVING MYSELF

#293
BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO A STEAKHOUSE TONIGHT.

#294
IT WAS JUST GONNA BE ME, A 24-OUNCE PORTERHOUSE,

#295
IT WAS JUST GONNA BE ME, A 24-OUNCE PORTERHOUSE,

#296
AND A FISTFUL OF BLOOD THINNERS.

#297
THAT'S AN INCREDIBLY BORING STORY

#298
THAT'S AN INCREDIBLY BORING STORY

#299
WITH A FANTASTIC...

#300
FINISH!

#301
FINISH!

#302
HEE HEE HEY, HEY!

#303
5 BUCKS SAYS YOU CAN'T DO THAT TWICE.

#304
5 BUCKS SAYS YOU CAN'T DO THAT TWICE.

#305
YOU'RE ON.

#306
YOU'RE ON.

#307
DOUBLE OR NOTHIN'.

#308
DOUBLE OR NOTHIN'.

#309
SO HOW'S IT GOING WITH KYLIE?

#310
SO HOW'S IT GOING WITH KYLIE?

#311
J.D.: THERE WAS NOTHING EXCITING GOING ON.

#312
THIS SUCKS. I NEED TO LOOK LIKE A STUD,

#313
AND A DOCTOR CAN'T LOOK LIKE A STUD

#314
UNLESS HE'S SAVING SOMEBODY'S LIFE.

#315
UNLESS HE'S SAVING SOMEBODY'S LIFE.

#316
I NEED SOMEONE TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

#317
GOT 20 BUCKS?

#318
SO, NURSE GHANDIRILLA, I NEED YOU TO SUCTION THIS GUY,

#319
SO, NURSE GHANDIRILLA, I NEED YOU TO SUCTION THIS GUY,

#320
DO A WET-TO-DRY DRESSING CHANGE,

#321
AND, OH, WHAT THE HELL, GO AHEAD AND TOP HIM OFF

#322
AND, OH, WHAT THE HELL, GO AHEAD AND TOP HIM OFF

#323
WITH ONE OF YOUR SPECIAL, SPECIAL SPONGE BATHS,

#324
HAPPY ENDING OPTIONAL-- HIS CHOICE, NOT YOURS.

#325
HAPPY ENDING OPTIONAL-- HIS CHOICE, NOT YOURS.

#326
THE GUY'S IN A COMA.

#327
NOT ALL OF HIM.

#328
NOT ALL OF HIM.

#329
NOT HERE. NOT HERE. NOT HERE. NOT HERE.

#330
DANNI!

#331
DANNI!

#332
HI!

#333
OH, GOOD! YOU'RE HERE.

#334
OH, GOOD! YOU'RE HERE.

#335
SEEING AS WE'RE AMIGOS NOW,

#336
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD DO ME A SOLID.

#337
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD DO ME A SOLID.

#338
THIS BALD, SAD CLOWN ISN'T REALLY MUCH OF A NURSE,

#339
SO COULD YOU GO AHEAD AND KEEP AN EYE ON HIM FOR ME?

#340
SO COULD YOU GO AHEAD AND KEEP AN EYE ON HIM FOR ME?

#341
YEAH, SURE. I'D LOVE TO.

#342
HEY, DIDN'T I GO TO YOUR WEDDING?

#343
HEY, DIDN'T I GO TO YOUR WEDDING?

#344
YEAH. YOU THREW UP ON MY GRAN-GRAN.

#345
HEY!

#346
HEY!

#347
YOU CAN'T GET INSIDE MY HEAD.

#348
HEY--MENTALLY STRONG!

#349
HEY--MENTALLY STRONG!

#350
YOU CAN'T SMOKE IN HERE.

#351
I DON'T SEE ANY SIGNS.

#352
I DON'T SEE ANY SIGNS.

#353
SO HOW MUCH DOES HE OWE ME, BARBARINO?

#354
600 SO FAR.

#355
DAMN IT, MAN. YOU CANNOT AFFORD THIS.

#356
DAMN IT, MAN. YOU CANNOT AFFORD THIS.

#357
STOP.

#358
STOP.

#359
STOP.

#360
COME ON, STEVE.

#361
YOU'RE NOT GETTIN' THIS ONE YET, LORD!

#362
YOU'RE NOT GETTIN' THIS ONE YET, LORD!

#363
COULD YOU MAKE YOUR FACE A LITTLE BIT REDDER, BUDDY? COME ON.

#364
I WANT MORE MONEY. WHAT?!

#365
I WANT MORE MONEY. WHAT?!

#366
50 BUCKS, OR I TELL THE GIRL.

#367
I DON'T HAVE IT! GET IT!

#368
ELLIOT, I NEED ANOTHER DOCTOR OVER HERE, STAT!

#369
ELLIOT, I NEED ANOTHER DOCTOR OVER HERE, STAT!

#370
GIMME $30.

#371
GIMME $30.

#372
I GAVE YOU 20. I'M TAPPED!

#373
ASK JOHNSON. HE'S LOADED.

#374
ASK JOHNSON. HE'S LOADED.

#375
I NEED A DERMATOLOGIST OVER HERE--STAT!

#376
OH, YEAH!

#377
OH, YEAH!

#378
TIME TO SHINE.

#379
WHAT DO YOU NEED? IS IT A RASH?

#380
WHAT DO YOU NEED? IS IT A RASH?

#381
LOOK, I PAID THIS GUY TO FAKE A HEART ATTACK.

#382
HE WANTS 50 BUCKS. WE ONLY HAVE 20.

#383
HE WANTS 50 BUCKS. WE ONLY HAVE 20.

#384
YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS JUST USE ME FOR MY MONEY.

#385
YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS JUST USE ME FOR MY MONEY.

#386
YOU HAVE A TRUST FUND! NOW GIVE ME THE MONEY!

#387
EHH!

#388
CLEAR!

#389
I'M ALIVE!

#390
I'M ALIVE!

#391
J.D., ONE. LORD, ZERO.

#392
J.D., ONE. LORD, ZERO.

#393
J.D.: JUST LIKE THAT, LOVE WAS IN THE AIR.

#394
IT WAS AS IF OUR FIRST DATE GOT OTHER PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT SOME OF THEIRS.

#395
IT WAS AS IF OUR FIRST DATE GOT OTHER PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT SOME OF THEIRS.

#396
I HAD THIS ONE FIRST DATE

#397
WHERE THE GUY TOOK ME TO PLAY PAINTBALL.

#398
WHERE THE GUY TOOK ME TO PLAY PAINTBALL.

#399
ALL HE DOES THE WHOLE TIME IS SHOOT ME IN THE FACE.

#400
AFTER 2 YEARS WITH THAT GUY, I'M LIKE, "THAT'S ENOUGH!" YOU KNOW?

#401
AFTER 2 YEARS WITH THAT GUY, I'M LIKE, "THAT'S ENOUGH!" YOU KNOW?

#402
HA HA! FIRST DATES, HUH?

#403
HA HA! FIRST DATES, HUH?

#404
SOMEBODY GIVE ME 700 BUCKS.

#405
I WENT OUT WITH THIS GIRL. SHE WAS LIKE THE WORST FIRST DATE EVER.

#406
I WENT OUT WITH THIS GIRL. SHE WAS LIKE THE WORST FIRST DATE EVER.

#407
I TAKE HER FOR A ROMANTIC FERRY RIDE,

#408
I TAKE HER FOR A ROMANTIC FERRY RIDE,

#409
AND FOR SOME REASON, I DECIDE TO TAKE IT OUT--

#410
OK. YOUR TURN IS DONE.

#411
OK. YOUR TURN IS DONE.

#412
THE WORST FIRST DATE I EVER HAD WAS WITH THIS GUY

#413
WHO TOOK ME TO THIS DUMP OF A PIZZA PARLOR, RIGHT?

#414
WHO TOOK ME TO THIS DUMP OF A PIZZA PARLOR, RIGHT?

#415
YOU KNOW WHAT? REALLY DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT THIS ONE. OK!

#416
YOU KNOW WHAT? REALLY DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT THIS ONE. OK!

#417
AND SHE DIDN'T LIKE THE PIZZA I ORDERED

#418
AND SHE DIDN'T LIKE THE PIZZA I ORDERED

#419
BECAUSE IT HAD ANCHOVIES ON IT. YOU BELIEVE THAT?

#420
CARLA: IT HAD ANCHOVIES.

#421
CARLA: IT HAD ANCHOVIES.

#422
AND PINEAPPLES.

#423
AND PINEAPPLES?

#424
AND RED PEPPERS.

#425
AND GREEN PEPPERS. OH...

#426
AND GREEN PEPPERS. OH...

#427
WAIT--RED PEPPERS.

#428
NOOOOOO!

#429
NOOOOOO!

#430
J.D.: I COULD HEAR THE PAIN IN MY BEST FRIEND'S VOICE,

#431
AND I COULD FEEL HOW LITTLE I CARED...

#432
AND I COULD FEEL HOW LITTLE I CARED...

#433
BECAUSE BY THE WAY KYLIE WAS LOOKING AT ME,

#434
I KNEW SHE THOUGHT I WAS SEXY.

#435
I KNEW SHE THOUGHT I WAS SEXY.

#436
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

#437
SEEING YOU IN YOUR ELEMENT TODAY,

#438
SEEING YOU IN YOUR ELEMENT TODAY,

#439
YOU SEEM SO...

#440
(THINKING) HERE IT COMES...

#441
(THINKING) HERE IT COMES...

#442
SEXY.

#443
GENUINE.

#444
SHE WOULD HAVE SAID SEXY IF I HAD A MOUSTACHE.

#445
SHE WOULD HAVE SAID SEXY IF I HAD A MOUSTACHE.

#446
YOU KNOW, JAMES LIED ALL THE TIME,

#447
YOU KNOW, JAMES LIED ALL THE TIME,

#448
AND I DON'T KNOW... IT'S JUST NICE TO BE WITH A GUY I CAN TRUST.

#449
AND I DON'T KNOW... IT'S JUST NICE TO BE WITH A GUY I CAN TRUST.

#450
COOL.

#451
(THINKING) OH, NO.

#452
(THINKING) OH, NO.

#453
I DON'T DESERVE THIS.

#454
I DON'T DESERVE THIS.

#455
BBBLLLBBBB!

#456
I'M NO BETTER THAN HER LYING EX-BOYFRIEND.

#457
I'M NO BETTER THAN HER LYING EX-BOYFRIEND.

#458
I PAID A HOBO TO FAKE A HEART ATTACK.

#459
SO YOU JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH,

#460
SO YOU JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH,

#461
SHE'S MAD AT YOU FOR A LITTLE WHILE, THEN SHE FORGIVES YA.

#462
I SEE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. THERE'S NO DOWNSIDE.

#463
I SEE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. THERE'S NO DOWNSIDE.

#464
KYLIE--

#465
YOU DATED THE DEVIL. TURK--

#466
AND YOU LIED TO ME.

#467
NO, UH-UH! NO. YOU NEVER ASKED ME IF I DATED DR. COX.

#468
NO, UH-UH! NO. YOU NEVER ASKED ME IF I DATED DR. COX.

#469
YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHING. I WOULD NEVER LIE TO YOU.

#470
YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHING. I WOULD NEVER LIE TO YOU.

#471
DO YOU SOMETIMES WISH I HAD HAIR?

#472
YES.

#473
YES.

#474
IT'S A NIGHTMARE. I'M STANDING HERE LIVING IN A NIGHTMARE.

#475
OK, MAYBE I'M GUILTY OF A LIE OF OMISSION.

#476
OK, MAYBE I'M GUILTY OF A LIE OF OMISSION.

#477
'CAUSE YOU'RE A LIE OMITTER!

#478
I KNOW THIS MAY BE ASKING TOO MUCH,

#479
I KNOW THIS MAY BE ASKING TOO MUCH,

#480
BUT COULD YOU PLEASE TRY AND KEEP IT TOGETHER

#481
UNTIL WE CAN GET HOME AND TALK ABOUT IT?

#482
UNTIL WE CAN GET HOME AND TALK ABOUT IT?

#483
FINE.

#484
CARLA, I LIKE YOUR HAIR THAT WAY.

#485
CARLA, I LIKE YOUR HAIR THAT WAY.

#486
LAVERNE...

#487
LAVERNE...

#488
I BET YOU'RE TEMPTED TO BREAK OPEN THAT FACE CAKE

#489
I BET YOU'RE TEMPTED TO BREAK OPEN THAT FACE CAKE

#490
AND JUST TEAR IT APART.

#491
NO ONE'S TOUCHING THIS.

#492
NO ONE'S TOUCHING THIS.

#493
OH, I DON'T CARE. I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY.

#494
OH, I DON'T CARE. I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY.

#495
DR. KELSO, I DON'T HAVE $700.

#496
(STOMACH GROWLS) CAKE...

#497
(STOMACH GROWLS) CAKE...

#498
THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDED LIKE THE WORD CAKE.

#499
YOU GET ME THAT DAMN FACE CAKE,

#500
AND YOU ARE FREE AND CLEAR.

#501
AND YOU ARE FREE AND CLEAR.

#502
HI, GLENN.

#503
HI, GLENN.

#504
HEY. HEY.

#505
I'M GLENN.

#506
I'M GLENN!

#507
LOOK, LET'S NOT GO DOWN THAT ROAD AGAIN.

#508
LOOK, LET'S NOT GO DOWN THAT ROAD AGAIN.

#509
COME ON.

#510
COME ON.

#511
SHAKE.

#512
(THINKING) OK, IT'S TIME TO COME CLEAN.

#513
(THINKING) OK, IT'S TIME TO COME CLEAN.

#514
KYLIE, I BROUGHT YOU HERE BECAUSE I WANTED TO TELL YOU--

#515
SAY I'M GLENN!

#516
SAY I'M GLENN!

#517
THAT'S PECULIAR.

#518
ANYWAY, WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO SAY WAS--

#519
ANYWAY, WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO SAY WAS--

#520
J.D., J.D.!

#521
LOOK AT ME!

#522
LOOK AT ME!

#523
UGH! THAT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF GIRL

#524
UGH! THAT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF GIRL

#525
MY EX-BOYFRIEND WOULD HAVE DATED.

#526
I BARELY KNOW HER.

#527
I BARELY KNOW HER.

#528
(THINKING) AND THE LIES BEGIN AGAIN.

#529
I CERTAINLY WOULD NEVER SLEEP WITH HER.

#530
(THINKING) THAT'S IT-- YOU'RE STRONGER THAN THIS. NOT ANOTHER LIE!

#531
(THINKING) THAT'S IT-- YOU'RE STRONGER THAN THIS. NOT ANOTHER LIE!

#532
I RACE MOTORCYCLES.

#533
EXCUSE ME.

#534
EXCUSE ME.

#535
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

#536
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

#537
I NEED MORE CASH. FOR WHAT?

#538
I'M PUTTIN' DSL IN MY BOX.

#539
FINE! BUT KNOW THIS--

#540
YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME

#541
SINCE THE MOMENT I RAN OVER YOU.

#542
SINCE THE MOMENT I RAN OVER YOU.

#543
HEY, BABY.

#544
KEEP IT TOGETHER.

#545
KEEP IT TOGETHER.

#546
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT QUARANTINE

#547
WE HAD 7 YEARS AGO?

#548
IT WAS JUST YOU AND ME,

#549
IT WAS JUST YOU AND ME,

#550
ALL ALONE LATE AT NIGHT HERE IN THE ICU?

#551
ALL ALONE LATE AT NIGHT HERE IN THE ICU?

#552
THAT'S IT!

#553
TURK!

#554
YOU REALLY HAD TO DO THAT?

#555
COME ON. IF HE WASN'T SUCH A JEALOUS BABY,

#556
IT WOULDN'T BE SUCH A BIG DEAL.

#557
IT WOULDN'T BE SUCH A BIG DEAL.

#558
GIVE HIM A BREAK!

#559
WHAT IF YOU FOUND OUT JORDAN HAD A HISTORY WITH SOMEBODY HERE?

#560
WHAT IF YOU FOUND OUT JORDAN HAD A HISTORY WITH SOMEBODY HERE?

#561
OH, FAIR ENOUGH.

#562
UH, HEY, EVERYONE-- (WHISTLES)

#563
UH, HEY, EVERYONE-- (WHISTLES)

#564
IN THE BRIEF 18 MONTHS

#565
THAT JORDAN AND I WEREN'T TOGETHER,

#566
THAT JORDAN AND I WEREN'T TOGETHER,

#567
HOW MANY OF YOU HAD YOUR WAY WITH HER?

#568
BEAR IN MIND, I'M GONNA NEED ABSOLUTE HONESTY HERE

#569
OR I WILL BRAIN YOU.

#570
OR I WILL BRAIN YOU.

#571
ANYWAY,

#572
WHOEVER TAUGHT JORDAN THAT REVERSE COWGIRL POSITION...

#573
WHOEVER TAUGHT JORDAN THAT REVERSE COWGIRL POSITION...

#574
WHOEVER TAUGHT JORDAN THAT REVERSE COWGIRL POSITION...

#575
IT WAS LONG OVERDUE, BUT THANK YOU.

#576
YOU'RE WELCOME.

#577
YOU'RE A FREAK.

#578
WHO ATE MY FACE FAKE?

#579
HE DID.

#580
(MUMBLES) $700.

#581
(MUMBLES) $700.

#582
WOW, HE IS REALLY OUT.

#583
A MILD SEDATIVE FELL INTO HIS JUICE BOX.

#584
A MILD SEDATIVE FELL INTO HIS JUICE BOX.

#585
LOOK, J.D....

#586
I KNOW WHY YOU'RE LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

#587
I KNOW WHY YOU'RE LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

#588
YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOOD ENOUGH FOR KYLIE.

#589
YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD THIS INSECURE THING

#590
YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD THIS INSECURE THING

#591
EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE THIS FUNNY, WEIRD, AMAZING GUY.

#592
I MEAN...THAT'S WHY I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU,

#593
I MEAN...THAT'S WHY I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU,

#594
AND I'M BETTING IF YOU JUST ACT LIKE YOURSELF,

#595
AND I'M BETTING IF YOU JUST ACT LIKE YOURSELF,

#596
KYLIE WILL, TOO.

#597
THANKS, ELLIOT. REALLY.

#598
THANKS, ELLIOT. REALLY.

#599
BUT THAT'S A LOAD OF CRAP,

#600
BECAUSE NOBODY IS THEMSELVES WHEN THEY START DATING.

#601
BECAUSE NOBODY IS THEMSELVES WHEN THEY START DATING.

#602
DATING IS JUST ACTING LIKE YOU'RE SOMEBODY YOU'RE NOT

#603
UNTIL THE PERSON LIKES YOU ENOUGH

#604
UNTIL THE PERSON LIKES YOU ENOUGH

#605
SO YOU CAN SHOW THEM WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

#606
NO, IT'S NOT.

#607
WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT BRA

#608
WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT BRA

#609
YOU WORE FOR YOUR DATE LAST WEEK?

#610
OH, THE MIRACLE LIFT SUPER PUSH-UP BRA.

#611
OH, THE MIRACLE LIFT SUPER PUSH-UP BRA.

#612
BUT NOT EVERYONE'S AS INSECURE AS ME.

#613
CARLA, WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED DATING TURK,

#614
CARLA, WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED DATING TURK,

#615
DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM YOU LOVED WATCHING NBA BASKETBALL EVERY WEEKEND?

#616
YEAH.

#617
YEAH.

#618
AND HOW MANY GAMES HAVE YOU WATCHED SINCE HE PROPOSED?

#619
ONE. BUT ONLY BECAUSE THAT TIME HE MADE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN

#620
ONE. BUT ONLY BECAUSE THAT TIME HE MADE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN

#621
WATCHING BASKETBALL OR HAVING SEX.

#622
WATCHING BASKETBALL OR HAVING SEX.

#623
AH. HA HA.

#624
EXACTLY. AS SOON AS I GET OUT OF HERE,

#625
EXACTLY. AS SOON AS I GET OUT OF HERE,

#626
I'M GONNA TREAT KYLIE BETTER THAN ANYONE EVER HAS.

#627
I JUST GOTTA MAKE IT THROUGH TONIGHT, OK?

#628
I JUST GOTTA MAKE IT THROUGH TONIGHT, OK?

#629
KEEP AN EYE ON THE BUM'S VITALS.

#630
I GAVE HIM ENOUGH SEDATIVE TO PUT DOWN A RHINO.

#631
I GAVE HIM ENOUGH SEDATIVE TO PUT DOWN A RHINO.

#632
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY CARLA DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT YOU GUYS.

#633
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY CARLA DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT YOU GUYS.

#634
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S REALLY IN LOVE WITH ME

#635
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S REALLY IN LOVE WITH ME

#636
AND TOGETHER, WE INJECTED YOU WITH DIABETES

#637
TO VERY SLOWLY GET YOU OUT OF THE PICTURE.

#638
TO VERY SLOWLY GET YOU OUT OF THE PICTURE.

#639
OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I REALLY LIKED HER

#640
OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I REALLY LIKED HER

#641
BUT SHE DIDN'T EXACTLY FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME,

#642
AND I GOT THE FOREHEAD KISS

#643
AND I GOT THE FOREHEAD KISS

#644
AFTER SPENDING 90 STINKING DOLLARS ON THEATER TICKETS.

#645
OR MAYBE--AND THIS IS A HUGE OUTSIDE MAYBE--

#646
OR MAYBE--AND THIS IS A HUGE OUTSIDE MAYBE--

#647
MAYBE SHE KNOWS YOU'RE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO FREAKS OUT

#648
MAYBE SHE KNOWS YOU'RE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO FREAKS OUT

#649
OVER IRRELEVANT THINGS FROM THE PAST.

#650
OVER IRRELEVANT THINGS FROM THE PAST.

#651
PERSONALLY, I HOPE IT'S ALL THREE.

#652
PERSONALLY, I HOPE IT'S ALL THREE.

#653
J.D.: THEY SAY ALL HORRIBLE THINGS EVENTUALLY COME TO AN END.

#654
J.D.: THEY SAY ALL HORRIBLE THINGS EVENTUALLY COME TO AN END.

#655
THE LAB RESULTS ARE BACK, AND THERE IS NO SARS.

#656
THE LAB RESULTS ARE BACK, AND THERE IS NO SARS.

#657
THE QUARANTINE IS OVER.

#658
SO, BYE-BYE, EVERYONE.

#659
SO, BYE-BYE, EVERYONE.

#660
THAT LOOKS LIKE MY NECK!

#661
THAT LOOKS LIKE MY NECK!

#662
OH, THIS DOES NOT END WELL FOR YOU.

#663
OH, THIS DOES NOT END WELL FOR YOU.

#664
THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP, JUMPSUIT.

#665
THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP, JUMPSUIT.

#666
YOU ARE GOING TO PAY EVERY CENT OF THAT $700.

#667
YOU ARE GOING TO PAY EVERY CENT OF THAT $700.

#668
DOUBLE OR NOTHIN'!

#669
(SLOW MOTION SCREAM)

#670
AAH!

#671
AAH!

#672
WE'RE EVEN. GOOD NIGHT, SIR.

#673
WE'RE EVEN. GOOD NIGHT, SIR.

#674
J.D.: DR. KELSO MADE ME REALIZE

#675
THAT LIES COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU--

#676
THAT LIES COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU--

#677
EVEN LITTLE ONES ABOUT CAKE.

#678
HECK, EVEN A LIE OF OMISSION SHOOK THE FOUNDATION OF A COUPLE

#679
HECK, EVEN A LIE OF OMISSION SHOOK THE FOUNDATION OF A COUPLE

#680
THAT WAS MUCH MORE ESTABLISHED THAN KYLIE AND ME.

#681
THAT WAS MUCH MORE ESTABLISHED THAN KYLIE AND ME.

#682
AND I KNEW I COULDN'T LET HER GO OUT THAT DOOR.

#683
AND I KNEW I COULDN'T LET HER GO OUT THAT DOOR.

#684
LET'S GO.

#685
KYLIE, WAIT.

#686
KYLIE, WAIT.

#687
I PAID STEVE 50 BUCKS AND AN IOU FOR ANOTHER 120

#688
TO FAKE A HEART ATTACK.

#689
I REALLY WANTED TONIGHT TO GO WELL.

#690
I REALLY WANTED TONIGHT TO GO WELL.

#691
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

#692
ADIOS, ASSFACE.

#693
ADIOS, ASSFACE.

#694
I HAD SEX WITH HER

#695
A LOT.

#696
A LOT.

#697
WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?

#698
WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?

#699
IF I DON'T COME CLEAN NOW, WHETHER IT'S A FEW WEEKS

#700
OR MONTHS OR YEARS FROM NOW,

#701
OR MONTHS OR YEARS FROM NOW,

#702
I KNOW IT'S GONNA COME BACK TO HAUNT ME AND RUIN US,

#703
AND I DON'T WANT THAT.

#704
AND I DON'T WANT THAT.

#705
I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A PROJECT.

#706
YEAH. I UNDERSTAND.

#707
SO GET IT TOGETHER.

#708
SO GET IT TOGETHER.

#709
NOW LET'S GO GET SOME COFFEE.

#710
NOW LET'S GO GET SOME COFFEE.

#711
WAIT.

#712
YOU KNOW, IF WE--IF WE LEAVE LIKE THAT,

#713
THAT'S HOW YOU'RE ALWAYS GONNA REMEMBER THIS NIGHT.

#714
I DON'T WANT THAT.

#715
SO...WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

#716
SO...WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

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