Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S07E13 — The Gang's Revenge (2)

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 7, Episode 13 — The Gang's Revenge (2)

#1
MAC, CHARLIE, DENNIS: Reunion! Reunion! Reunion!

#3
This is great. This brings me back.

#5
It's Adriano Calvanese, Charlie.

#6
It's the guy who coined the name "Aluminum Monster."

#7
But I've got a plan to get revenge.

#8
- Yo, Dennis! - Shit!

#9
It's Tim Murphy, the asshole that slept with my prom date.

#10
This is my wife, Christie.

#11
Dennis and I used to be really good friends.

#13
Ronnie the Rat strikes again, huh?

#14
Oh, god! I'm a grown goddamn man!

#15
- I don't have ringworm. - No, no, we're cool.

#16
- Yeah, we're like the... - Oh...

#17
- Oh, really? - Son of a bitch.

#18
Well, this is great, Dee. This is just great.

#19
Used to be king of the mountaintop.

#20
Now I'm sitting alone at a table at my high school reunion...

#24
Hold on. Hold on a second.

#25
Ingrid! Ingrid Nelson.

#26
- Hey! - Hi,

#27
Dennis and Dee.

#28
Oh, carrying around a clipboard, huh?

#29
- Dork. - Yeah.

#31
So...

#32
Fatty Magoo!

#33
Right?

#34
Everybody! Fatty Magoo!

#37
Oh, really? 'Cause I'll see it on the sides, and I'll see it in the thighs.

#38
Still fat to me, still fat to you.

#39
Fatty Magoo, Fatty Magoo, Magoo, Magoo, Magoo, Magoo...

#40
Is this why you called me over here?

#41
Magoo, Magoo, Magoo, Magoo! Fatty Magoo, Fatty Magoo!

#42
Right. It was super fun to see you guys.

#43
Right? Everybody! Magoo!

#44
Did anybody... Did you guys... Did you see her?

#45
- Drop it. - What...

#46
Oh, God, she just wasn't that fat anymore, was she?

#47
No, she looks... That felt very forced.

#49
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she looked really good.

#50
Only kind of works when you're sitting at a table with the cool kids.

#51
- That seemed pathetic and mean. It did. - Yeah, it was.

#52
- It did. Wasn't it? - It was.

#53
Yeah. I got to find a way back into that group.

#54
Dee, I think you need to stop focusing on how to get back in with them...

#55
and start focusing on how to get revenge on them.

#56
Yeah. You're exactly right.

#57
I need revenge on them.

#58
- And that's what I want too. - Okay, well, what's our plan?

#59
What's our plan? Ooh, I want revenge.

#60
All right, so here's how we're gonna do it.

#61
I'm gonna bang Tim Murphy's Black wife.

#62
- Oh, shit. - Yeah.

#63
Oh, shit! That'll do it.

#64
- That's gonna humiliate him. - That will humiliate him!

#65
Yes! You know what I'll do?

#66
I will bang Tim Murphy, get back at Adriano.

#67
Oh, that's a good plan. The problem is,

#68
I don't think Tim Murphy would ever sleep with you.

#69
Wait a sec. Hold up. Wh-wh-wh-what are you do...

#70
What's my part of the plan, then?

#71
Mmm... oh!

#72
Grab this. We only get two drink tickets.

#73
Whoa.

#74
What happened? Why am I hanging here?

#75
- The cool kids got us. - It was a massacre.

#76
Ah, shit!

#77
All right, you guys. I'm ready to be your friend again.

#78
- No, Dee, get out of here. - Get away from us!

#79
What are you doing? Look, you guys, I'm on your team, okay?

#80
I always was on your team.

#81
I had a strike plan, but then Cricket went and blew up my spot.

#82
You goddamn bitch!

#83
Okay, look, that's not the important thing, all right?

#84
Bitch!

#85
The important part is that I'm here now,

#86
and I'm on your team and I want revenge,

#87
and I need you guys to help me come up with a plan.

#88
She's right. We need revenge, and I know how we're gonna get it.

#89
- Yeah. - Charlie?

#90
We gotta get the Freight Train back together.

#91
Freight Train? That's a great idea. That's a good plan!

#92
Nope. That's not a great idea. That's a terrible idea.

#93
What's the hell's a Freight Train?

#94
It's a stupid group of imbeciles who called themselves a gang.

#95
It was basically just Charlie, Mac and Dooley.

#96
- May he rest in peace. - God rest his soul.

#97
And they were basically just lackeys of this guy named Psycho Pete,

#98
who genuinely was mentally ill.

#99
- Our conductor's insane. - Our cargo is pain.

#100
- Freight Train! - Freight Train!

#101
- Freight Train! - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

#102
Let's get a hold of this Psycho Pete and kick some ass!

#103
- Yeah! - Let's do it! Freight Train!

#104
- No. - No?

#105
- No, I don't like that plan, so... - Come on!

#106
- Get us down, Dee! - No?

#107
- We're gonna kick some ass! - Deandra, come back here!

#108
Come here!

#109
Goddamn...

#110
All right, let's just see if they have Psycho Pete's name tag

#111
and if they were expecting him.

#112
If we get our psycho back, we get the Freight Train back.

#113
- Yes. - What's his last name?

#114
- Uh, I don't know. - No, me neither.

#115
Guess we weren't that close.

#116
It would have been cool to be closer to him.

#117
He was such a dark, mysterious guy. You know?

#118
What about, uh, Peter Schmidt? Is that the guy?

#119
- No. - Oh! No, that's Schmitty.

#120
- Yeah. Ah, shit. Is he coming? - No way.

#121
Schmitty would never come to something like this. Not his scene.

#122
If anything, he'll swoop in at the very end,

#123
grab the drunkest girl he can, take her home, bang her.

#124
- Ha! Schmitty's so cool. - Oh, yeah. Not that cool though.

#125
- Way cooler than you, Dirtgrub. - Not as cool as Adriano!

#126
- Stop defending Adriano, okay? - Will you stop with the Schmitty stuff?

#127
We're snipping with each other. It's like...

#129
- Hi. - Hey, hey!

#130
- I saw you trying to get by us. - I know!

#131
You can't get away from us. Fatty Magoo, Fatty Magoo.

#133
- That's not even accurate. - That's true.

#134
Yeah, well, you used to be fat. I don't know.

#135
Yeah, well, I'm not now. I had a thyroid problem.

#136
- What's your excuse? - I've tacked on mass.

#138
All right, all right. Now, do you remember Psycho Pete?

#140
Any word on if he's coming tonight, or...

#142
He threatened to burn down the building.

#144
- He was probably just joking. - That's his sense of humor.

#145
- He has a very dark sense of humor. - Gotta lighten up around Pete.

#146
Was he joking when he cut his family into little pieces

#147
and ate 'em for Christmas dinner?

#148
- That doesn't sound like a joke. - Did that really happen?

#149
Yeah, that sounds much more serious.

#150
- That's... That's grisly. - Grisly.

#151
- Psycho. - Psycho is how it sounds.

#152
- That's how he got out of prison. - Oh, the insanity plea.

#153
- Yes. - Okay. Well, that makes sense.

#154
I would have gone with that if I was his attorney.

#156
so I don't want to mess around...

#157
That's awesome. So, it was really nice to, uh... Okay.

#158
Yeah. Yeah.

#159
So I guess the Freight Train is gone. Is that it?

#160
- Yes. Let's get outta here. It's over. - Yeah. I guess we're off to...

#161
Hey, you guys, you guys, you guys. Okay.

#162
Hi! Oh, good to see you guys again.

#163
Change of plans, okay? I can't think of my own thing to do,

#164
so I want to join the Freight Train or whatever it is.

#165
- Get lost, bitch. - No, no, no, no!

#166
Hang on a second. Hang on a second.

#167
Now, guys, the Freight Train never let a loser down in need.

#168
If Dee wants in on the Freight Train,

#169
we have to let her in on the Freight Train.

#170
Dee just has to do one thing.

#171
She's got to go through the Freight Train initiation.

#172
We got to know that Dee's one of us.

#173
- So, Dee. - Yeah?

#174
Are you willing to go through the Freight Train initiation?

#175
Yes, I am.

#176
Oh, no, no... Oh! Goddamn! Oh, no! I am a grown woman!

#177
I am a grown woman! Aah!

#178
I've been meaning to tell you

#179
I mean, cuff links? Tim! At a high school reunion?

#180
It's not the Oscars. I mean...

#181
- Oh. - Geez!

#182
Yeah, and he can be a little too nice sometimes.

#183
- Oh. - Can get a bit boring.

#184
Oh, trust me, Christie, he's boring as shit.

#185
I know that. All right?

#186
I'd rather get blasted in the balls by a battering ram

#187
than have to have a conversation with the guy.

#188
- You're crazy! - Am I crazy? Am I?

#189
- Yes! - He deceives people, Christie.

#190
- No. - That's what he does. Oh, yeah.

#191
He steps on his friends to climb to the top of the mountaintop,

#192
where his good friend used to reign supreme, that's what he does.

#193
I mean, quite frankly, Christie, I think you can do a lot better than him.

#194
- No, he's good to me. - Mm-hmm.

#195
Yeah, but does he appreciate you?

#196
I mean, Christie, does he appreciate...

#197
all of that?

#198
Dennis!

#199
Baby's got back, Christie.

#200
Baby's got back. You know what I'm saying?

#201
Am I right though? Am I right?

#202
Listen, listen, listen. I want to be inside you.

#203
I want to do shit to you

#204
that is gonna make you realize what a worthless,

#205
boring piece of shit your husband really is.

#206
Wait a second. I'm confused.

#207
Why would you want to have sex with me?

#208
Why the hell wouldn't I want to have sex with you?

#209
I mean, bam, boom, boom.

#210
- Because you're gay. - What?

#211
- I'm not gay. - Dude, you're wearing makeup.

#212
Yeah, I'm wearing a little bit of makeup.

#213
- Who doesn't... - And a girdle.

#214
Yeah. I wanted to seem thin for the occasion.

#215
- That's not weird. - You've also been gossiping with me

#216
for the last 20 minutes.

#217
I was speeding through the steps. I have a system that...

#218
I was demonstrating value on the dance floor,

#219
and then I engaged you physically when I put my hands on your hips.

#220
Now I'm nurturing your dependence by letting you talk shit

#221
about your boring, worthless, piece-of-shit husband.

#222
Then I was gonna take you to an empty broom closet

#223
and I was gonna bang the shit out of you.

#224
And then I was gonna neglect you emotionally.

#225
That's what I do, Christie.

#226
And it was working. I was manipulating your

#227
feeble little brain into doing what I want.

#228
What I want! And now it's what you want.

#229
- Ew! - Oh, "ew!" oh, yeah, okay.

#230
Yeah, well, your husband is a liar. How about that, Christie?

#231
Yeah, stay with a liar! And a deceiver.

#232
Tim does not deserve to be the king of the mountaintop.

#233
I am the king of the mountaintop!

#234
I reign supreme over everyone in this school!

#235
I am the Golden God of this place!

#236
I reign supreme!

#237
I!

#238
I!

#239
...hungry eyes

#240
Dee, I'm sorry we threw your back out,

#241
but you're lucky that's the worst thing that happened.

#242
And it's a lucky thing I brought the back brace.

#243
Oh, yes, lucky! So lucky!

#244
I'm feeling very, very lucky

#245
to have my asshole ripped in half like tissue paper

#246
by my father and his very good friends.

#247
And also, I'm feeling incredibly lucky

#248
to be making another appearance as the Aluminum Monster

#249
after so many years.

#250
Thank you. Thank you.

#251
And I don't think you're gonna get to bang Adriano now either.

#252
Oh, you don't think so, Charlie? You don't think so?

#253
Guys, this whole thing has been a wash, all right?

#254
Let's get out of here, because there's no way

#255
that we're gonna get revenge on those guys

#256
- without Psycho Pete. - Yeah.

#257
- I've been humiliated enough. - Son of a bitch!

#258
You bastard! You bastard!

#259
- Whoa! - Jesus Christ!

#260
Dennis, you're coming out hot.

#261
I am the king of the minions, not Tim Murphy!

#262
Not that jerk-off idiot! Jerk-off!

#263
What the hell are you doing, man?

#264
She rejected me. Me, Frank, me!

#265
The coolest guy in the history of this goddamn school!

#266
Oh, they're all gonna pay.

#267
They're all gonna pay the ultimate price!

#268
Whoa!

#269
Dude, what's all that stuff you're grabbing?

#270
Tools! Tools!

#271
Duct tape, zip ties and gloves! I have to have my tools!

#272
Why do you have a bunch of, like, weird tools

#273
in a hidden compartment in your car?

#274
It's fetish... It's fetish shit!

#275
I like to bind. I like to be bound. I...

#276
uh, that's not important!

#277
Don't ask me questions! I'm not taking questions!

#278
The Golden God is not taking questions! I am the Golden God!

#279
I'm taking action! I got to go.

#280
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!

#281
Wait a second, Dennis. Wait a second.

#282
- I think we can help you, dude. - Yeah?

#283
Yeah, we can help each other.

#284
We both want the same thing.

#285
Revenge.

#286
You're gonna be our new Psycho Pete, pal.

#287
And guess what.

#288
The Freight Train's back in service!

#289
Let's get nuts in that school. Let's get crazy, all right?

#290
All right. Come on.

#291
Come on, let's get some revenge here.

#292
Train's coming. Watch out for the train.

#293
The train's coming!

#294
Make way! Freight Train coming through!

#295
- All aboard! - Toot-toot!

#296
- We don't do the toot-toots. - We're a train. Why wouldn't we toot-toot?

#297
- It's just not what we do, okay? - No, it ain't definitely.

#298
Okay, bitches!

#299
Get ready for the steam engine! And get it!

#300
I'm gonna destroy you all. But I want Murphy first.

#301
So let's go, Murphy, you and me, once and for all.

#302
- Come on! - What you gonna do now, pussies?

#303
- We got our psycho back. - Yeah!

#304
- What the hell are you guys talking about? - The Freight Train, cowboy!

#305
Look, everybody. The Aluminum Monster's back.

#306
- It's a good look. - Ha-ha, yeah, yeah, yeah.

#307
It's really good. Really...

#308
Just send Murphy out so our psycho can bash him.

#309
Okay, you guys, let's get out of here. This is weird.

#310
Yeah. See ya.

#311
Where you going? You afraid?

#312
No. We're not afraid. We're in our 30s.

#313
We don't fight people anymore. It's kind of pathetic.

#314
Yeah? Well, too bad, 'cause the fury's already coming, bitch.

#315
So too late.

#316
You just couldn't stand it, could you?

#317
You couldn't stand Dennis Reynolds

#318
reigning on high!

#319
King of all the school! Master of everybody!

#320
You couldn't stand it, so you had to turn everybody against me.

#321
Dude, listen to yourself. Nobody turned anybody against you.

#322
- You were never that cool to begin with. - Seriously, man.

#323
You would just come around saying weird shit

#324
about being a Golden God or some other insane crap.

#325
And referring to all of us as your minions.

#326
You always acted like you were better than everybody else,

#327
but then you'd just go and you'd hang out with Ronnie the Rat or Dirtgrub

#328
under the bleachers or behind a dumpster or something.

#329
It was...

#330
- It was really weird. - Weird.

#331
Yeah, sure, okay.

#332
Yeah, well, if I wasn't the coolest guy in school,

#333
then why did you have to try and tear me down

#334
by sleeping with my prom date?

#335
No, I... I didn't sleep with your prom date.

#336
Yes, you did!

#337
No, I didn't. Ronnie the Rat did.

#338
Wait... What?

#339
Ronald McDonald slept with your prom date.

#340
Did he tell you that I slept with her? I never would have slept with that chick.

#341
- She was gross. - She was gross.

#342
- She was gross. - She was gross. I remember that. Yeah.

#343
- She was really gross. - You slept with my prom date?

#344
No.

#345
Yes.

#346
- How could you do that to me? - It was very easy.

#347
Uh, she was a whore.

#348
- I'm gonna kill you. I'll gonna kill you! - No, don't. Wait!

#349
I'm gonna kill you, you fat piece of shit!

#350
This is mass! This is mass! Don't make it about my weight!

#351
- You guys are good, so... - Take care!

#352
I know she was a whore, but she was my whore!

#353
Break it up! Calm down!

#354
This is pathetic. This is awful.

#355
We've all been humiliated.

#356
Our asses are destroyed.

#357
- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

#358
And Dennis turned out to be a loser.

#359
You know what?

#360
Let's just go back to the bar, right? The bar is where we belong.

#361
The bar is where we fit in. We can hide from the world at the bar.

#362
Yes, yes. I agree with Charlie.

#363
I never want to set foot in this high school ever again.

#364
- Right? - No!

#365
We can't go out like that.

#366
Look, if life pushes you down, you got to push back.

#367
If you're dealt a bunch of lemons,

#368
you got to take those lemons

#369
and stuff them down somebody's throat until they see yellow.

#370
And if some punk-ass kid humiliates you,

#371
you gotta do the only thing that's left to do.

#372
- Yeah! - Whoa! Whoa!

#373
Yes, Frank. Oh, wow, that was a great speech, man.

#374
That's the most coherent thing that's ever come out of your mouth.

#375
That was awesome, dude.

#376
You usually just ramble on and on and on.

#377
That was like a basketball coach. All right, so what is it?

#378
- Yeah. - Yeah.

#379
Huh?

#380
What's the one thing left to do?

#381
What is it?

#382
Well, the thing of it is,

#383
is that, uh, there's the lemon stuff.

#384
- Right. - And then you got Mac,

#385
who's a rat.

#386
And Dee's body brace.

#387
And, uh...

#388
and that's the thing of it, and...

#389
it's good.

#390
What are you saying?

#391
No, we... You were gonna tell us what to do. That doesn't...

#392
We didn't ask if something was good or if it wasn't good.

#393
I lost my train of thought. Let's go back to the bar.

#394
- Yep. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

#395
Were you gonna suggest that we should... do plan "B"?

#396
- No. - Plan "B"!

#397
That's what I was gonna say!

#398
That's... We're not doing plan "B." Come on.

#399
Hey, listen. We worked so hard on it.

#400
- Come on. - We're not doing plan "B."

#401
- It's ridiculous. - Dennis, plan "B"

#402
might be the only option we have left.

#403
- Ah, come on. Come on. - Come on, Dennis.

#404
Jesus, come on. Plan "B" is...

#405
Plan "B." Plan "B."

#406
Shh, not too loud.

#407
Stop whispering "Plan 'B'"

#408
like it's some super-covert CIA operation!

#409
Plan "B" is a dance routine.

#410
It's a goddamn dance routine.

#411
And it's gonna rock.

#412
Beep-beep. Get out of there. Beep-beep-bop.

#413
- We're gonna need this dance floor! - Clear the dance floor!

#414
Let's go! Let's go!

#415
Go on!

#416
- All right, listen up, jerks! - Listen to us! Listen to us!

#417
There's been a lot of negative energy going on at this school, okay?

#418
So I want to talk to you guys a little bit about dancing.

#419
Now, back in the '50s and the '60s and the '70s,

#420
people used to dance all the time.

#421
That's the way we solved our problems.

#422
That's how they solved their problems...

#423
through dance.

#424
Then all of a sudden, we stopped dancing. You know?

#425
Grunge came in.

#426
We dressed in... In plaid and oversized jeans.

#427
Then later on, kids wore trench coats and

#428
shot each other in school, and that's not cool.

#429
But guess what?

#430
Guess what's going on in the high school now?

#431
Kids are dancing again.

#432
Organized choreographed dance!

#433
They're doing organized choreographed dances

#434
to solve their problems.

#435
They also give each other blow jobs.

#436
They got these things called rainbow parties.

#437
All right, wrap it up, wrap it up.

#438
- But they have these rain... - Yeah, but that's not the point of the...

#439
The point is, we're gonna show you a dance!

#440
Let's get started. Let's go!

#441
Lights.

#442
I won't let you down

#443
I will not give you up

#444
Because I would really, really

#445
Love to stick around, oh, yeah

#446
Heaven knows I was just a young boy

#447
Didn't know what I wanted to be

#448
To be

#449
I was every little hungry schoolgirl's pride and joy

#450
And I guess it was enough for me

#451
I think there's something you should know

#452
I think you're singing in the rain

#453
I just hope you understand

#454
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

#455
All we have to do now

#456
Is take these lies and make them true somehow

#457
All we have to see

#458
Is that I don't belong to you

#459
And you don't belong to me, yeah, yeah

#460
Freedom

#461
Whoo!

#462
Freedom

#463
Freedom

#464
You've gotta give for what you take

#465
Freedom

#466
Freedom

#467
Five, six, seven, eight!

#468
Well, that was weird.

#469
Hey, everyone!

#470
After-party back at my house, all right?

#471
Everyone's invited... except them.

#472
Let's go!

#473
Wh...

#474
That sucked!

#475
Yeah, man. It was a perfect dance.

#476
They just didn't respond to it.

#477
I don't understand how that didn't blow people's minds though.

#478
Guys, guys. We did a great job, okay? Don't get down on yourselves.

#479
Those people are stupid. They're idiots.

#480
They're savages. They just didn't get it.

#481
- Oh, come on. - Hey!

#482
Hey, hey, hey!

#483
Wow. Great dance, assholes.

#484
You know what? Just like you low-life shits,

#485
I didn't get invited to the after-party either. But whatever.

#486
I'm just gonna have sex with somebody to feel better about myself.

#487
I'm gonna bang the next person who talks to me.

#488
So who's it gonna be?

#489
Hi-yah! How you doing, fellas?

#490
- Hey, Schmitty. Excuse me. - How you doing, everybody?

#491
Did I miss the festivities?

#492
Huh? What are we doing here? What's going on?

#493
Schmidt! No, no!

#494
- Hey, how are you? - Do you wanna have sex with me?

#495
- Yes, I do. - Well, there you go.

#496
See you, guys. Monster.

#497
You all right? Where you wanna go? You got a car?

#498
- I don't know. - We'll use mine. Come on.

#499
Schmitty.

#500
- Let's go back to the bar, huh? - Yeah.

#501
- Let's go, Charlie. Back to the bar. - Yeah.

#502
Schmitty just...

#503
- Swooped in and grabbed the... - Schmitty.

#504
The most disgusting girl here.

« Prev Page 1 of 1 Next » Back to Search