Scrubs

#1
-Argh!

#2
-There. Just a tiny splinter!

#3
-There. Just a tiny splinter!

#4
I can't stop thinking about Aesop's Fables -

#5
I can't stop thinking about Aesop's Fables -

#6
the one where the lion always hassles the little mouse,

#7
the one where the lion always hassles the little mouse,

#8
then the mouse pulls a thorn from his paw? -Right. Then the lion kills him anyway. Yeah.

#9
then the mouse pulls a thorn from his paw? -Right. Then the lion kills him anyway. Yeah.

#10
-No, he doesn't. -Trust me. -Sandy, what do you say we start?

#11
-No, he doesn't. -Trust me. -Sandy, what do you say we start?

#12
-Sandy isn't always a girls' name. -It's short for Sandra. -Clear.

#13
-Sandy isn't always a girls' name. -It's short for Sandra. -Clear.

#14
-Hello, Perry. 'Oh, God. The ex-wife.'

#15
-Hello, Perry. 'Oh, God. The ex-wife.'

#16
-Jordan. What a coincidence! You were in my dream last night.

#17
-Jordan. What a coincidence! You were in my dream last night.

#18
I can't say for certain, but I was having the flesh torn from my bones

#19
I can't say for certain, but I was having the flesh torn from my bones

#20
by a cross-eyed water snake - you? -Yeah. -Right? -Mm-mm.

#21
by a cross-eyed water snake - you? -Yeah. -Right? -Mm-mm.

#22
Say, let's play a game -

#23
I'll describe how one of you is in bed

#24
I'll describe how one of you is in bed

#25
and you guys try to guess who it is. -I had no idea she was your ex. -Heh!

#26
and you guys try to guess who it is. -I had no idea she was your ex. -Heh!

#27
-Clumsy. -Don't answer that, Newbie. -No worries.

#28
-Clumsy. -Don't answer that, Newbie. -No worries.

#29
-Goodbye, Jordan. Sandy. -Ow!

#30
-Goodbye, Jordan. Sandy. -Ow!

#31
-Good job, DJ. -You know, it's JD, OK?

#32
-Good job, DJ. -You know, it's JD, OK?

#33
At least I remember the names of my partners. -I'm sure that girl from high school

#34
At least I remember the names of my partners. -I'm sure that girl from high school

#35
At least I remember the names of my partners. -I'm sure that girl from high school

#36
and your bunk-mate from Camp Morning Wood are both extremely grateful.

#37
and your bunk-mate from Camp Morning Wood are both extremely grateful.

#38
-It was Camp Meadow Wood. I made a lanyard.

#39
-It was Camp Meadow Wood. I made a lanyard.

#40
# I can't do this all on my...

#41
# I can't do this all on my...

#42
# ..Own

#43
# I know

#44
# I know

#45
# That I'm no

#46
# Superman

#47
# I'm no superman

#48
# I'm no superman #

#49
# I'm no superman #

#50
'It sounds insensitive, but hospitals can be boring.'

#51
'It sounds insensitive, but hospitals can be boring.'

#52
'So if a policeman has an accident chasing the bad guy, it pumps ya up!'

#53
'So if a policeman has an accident chasing the bad guy, it pumps ya up!'

#54
Move along, fellas, nothing to see here.

#55
Move along, fellas, nothing to see here.

#56
I'll be over here. -Officer Berson was admitted with short breath and chest pain.

#57
I'll be over here. -Officer Berson was admitted with short breath and chest pain.

#58
-Think anyone else gets this excited over a car accident?

#59
-Think anyone else gets this excited over a car accident?

#60
(HILLBILLY MUSIC)

#61
(HILLBILLY MUSIC)

#62
Maybe Hank.

#63
'We weren't the only ones psyched to be in the game.'

#64
'We weren't the only ones psyched to be in the game.'

#65
-The doctor is in.

#66
-The doctor is in.

#67
Bad guy, this is why you don't run from the po-lice! Baby, you ready to rock?

#68
Bad guy, this is why you don't run from the po-lice! Baby, you ready to rock?

#69
-Great, another cocky resident that wants to start before the attending shows up.

#70
-Great, another cocky resident that wants to start before the attending shows up.

#71
-I figured that if we finished here quick enough,

#72
-I figured that if we finished here quick enough,

#73
we may have time to pull the stick out of your ass. What do you say?

#74
we may have time to pull the stick out of your ass. What do you say?

#75
Perry. -Beelzebub.

#76
-Lackey! -Hey, Dr. Cox.

#77
-Lackey! -Hey, Dr. Cox.

#78
-I'm being honoured by the board of trustees, and they asked me to say a few words. -Oh, yawn!

#79
-I'm being honoured by the board of trustees, and they asked me to say a few words. -Oh, yawn!

#80
-I'm being honoured by the board of trustees, and they asked me to say a few words. -Oh, yawn!

#81
-Anyway, I would like you to be the one who introduces me.

#82
-Seriously? -Yeah! -Not interested.

#83
-Seriously? -Yeah! -Not interested.

#84
-I didn't ask if you were interested. -I deeply dislike you. It keeps me up at night.

#85
-I didn't ask if you were interested. -I deeply dislike you. It keeps me up at night.

#86
-Use that passion! Put that rage on the page!

#87
-Use that passion! Put that rage on the page!

#88
Why not use Big Chief Flop-Sweat, here?

#89
Why not use Big Chief Flop-Sweat, here?

#90
Ted's not an impressive man.

#91
Ted's not an impressive man.

#92
-Hey! That...

#93
-Hey! That...

#94
Ah, he's right. -OK.

#95
-Officer Berson, you have a slight arrhythmia, we're gonna monitor you closely.

#96
-Officer Berson, you have a slight arrhythmia, we're gonna monitor you closely.

#97
-Officer Berson, you have a slight arrhythmia, we're gonna monitor you closely.

#98
-Don't worry, we're on top of it, OK?

#99
'There's nothing like taking charge.'

#100
'There's nothing like taking charge.'

#101
-Mary. Rhoda. Chart, please.

#102
-Mary. Rhoda. Chart, please.

#103
What'd I stutter? Gimme the chart.

#104
Oh, man! I don't like his 02 set.

#105
Oh, man! I don't like his 02 set.

#106
Grab me a doughnut, will you?

#107
Grab me a doughnut, will you?

#108
-Oh, you mean like a blood-pressure thingy?

#109
-Oh, you mean like a blood-pressure thingy?

#110
-I mean like a glazed thingy. I like sprinkles on half of it,

#111
-I mean like a glazed thingy. I like sprinkles on half of it,

#112
so if you can't find one, get me all sprinkles and pick half of 'em off. (WHISTLES)

#113
so if you can't find one, get me all sprinkles and pick half of 'em off. (WHISTLES)

#114
-You know, that was demeaning. -You know, you're right.

#115
-You know, that was demeaning. -You know, you're right.

#116
Would you apologize to her while you get me some coffee.

#117
Would you apologize to her while you get me some coffee.

#118
Be quick, otherwise I'm gonna have the manager send another waitress.

#119
Be quick, otherwise I'm gonna have the manager send another waitress.

#120
You're done now. Yeah.

#121
You're done now. Yeah.

#122
'Frustrating thing, down in the OR -Turk was probably running the show.'

#123
'Frustrating thing, down in the OR -Turk was probably running the show.'

#124
-Steady, Dr Turk, only about two more hours.

#125
-Steady, Dr Turk, only about two more hours.

#126
-Could you scratch my nose, please?

#127
-Could you scratch my nose, please?

#128
-No. I can scratch my nose.

#129
-No. I can scratch my nose.

#130
Oh,...

#131
..that feels good.

#132
..that feels good.

#133
-Yeah.

#134
I want to thank you and the rest of the board for giving me this award.

#135
I want to thank you and the rest of the board for giving me this award.

#136
That your first choice passed away last week doesn't make it any less special.

#137
That your first choice passed away last week doesn't make it any less special.

#138
-Are you sure? Cos it seems like it does. -Hey, Bob,

#139
-Are you sure? Cos it seems like it does. -Hey, Bob,

#140
as far as the intro thing goes, I've given it a lot of thought,

#141
as far as the intro thing goes, I've given it a lot of thought,

#142
but I'm gonna very politely have to tell you to blow it out your ass.

#143
but I'm gonna very politely have to tell you to blow it out your ass.

#144
but I'm gonna very politely have to tell you to blow it out your ass.

#145
-I think we both understand how this works. It's like when my dog Baxter goes winkle on the carpet.

#146
-I think we both understand how this works. It's like when my dog Baxter goes winkle on the carpet.

#147
He always heads away from the tool shed, but we both know that's where he's gonna spend the night.

#148
He always heads away from the tool shed, but we both know that's where he's gonna spend the night.

#149
He always heads away from the tool shed, but we both know that's where he's gonna spend the night.

#150
-Charming story. -Yeah.

#151
The fact of the matter is, I kinda make it a rule

#152
The fact of the matter is, I kinda make it a rule

#153
never to get in bed with people I have nothing but contempt for.

#154
never to get in bed with people I have nothing but contempt for.

#155
-That feels good, JD. -What?

#156
-That feels good, JD. -What?

#157
You'll now pay for that. -God, I hope so.

#158
You'll now pay for that. -God, I hope so.

#159
-We're residents now. We're supposed to have more responsibility.

#160
-We're residents now. We're supposed to have more responsibility.

#161
-I scratched my nose with Bad Guy's toe.

#162
-I scratched my nose with Bad Guy's toe.

#163
-We have to accept we're the most under-appreciated people here. -I feel for you.

#164
-We have to accept we're the most under-appreciated people here. -I feel for you.

#165
-We have to accept we're the most under-appreciated people here. -I feel for you.

#166
-Thank you! -She doesn't. -JD, I spend most of my time here getting orders from people

#167
-Thank you! -She doesn't. -JD, I spend most of my time here getting orders from people

#168
who take credit for my work and blame me for their mistakes.

#169
who take credit for my work and blame me for their mistakes.

#170
All the while, I'm expected to hold the doctor's hand. You should try trading places with me for one day.

#171
All the while, I'm expected to hold the doctor's hand. You should try trading places with me for one day.

#172
-It's actually not that bad.

#173
And the lace feels soft against my package.

#174
And the lace feels soft against my package.

#175
'Nah.'

#176
'Nah.'

#177
-Well, I'm glad we finally had a chance to, uh, talk.

#178
-Well, I'm glad we finally had a chance to, uh, talk.

#179
-You and me, both. I haven't had anyone to talk to lately. -O-K.

#180
-You and me, both. I haven't had anyone to talk to lately. -O-K.

#181
-But, boy, you sure do talk fast. -Bye-bye!

#182
-But, boy, you sure do talk fast. -Bye-bye!

#183
-Next time we talk, maybe I could finish a sentence or two.

#184
-Next time we talk, maybe I could finish a sentence or two.

#185
# You still

#186
# You still

#187
like her #

#188
-Why, because we had a conversation in an empty room? -That room's not empty.

#189
-Why, because we had a conversation in an empty room? -That room's not empty.

#190
-Girlfriend, I don't wanna hear your misguided romantic notions.

#191
-Girlfriend, I don't wanna hear your misguided romantic notions.

#192
You see, for me, sex is a sport, like racquet-ball -

#193
You see, for me, sex is a sport, like racquet-ball -

#194
you play hard and hope you don't get hit in the eye.

#195
you play hard and hope you don't get hit in the eye.

#196
-Say what you want, I know you care about her. In fact,

#197
-Say what you want, I know you care about her. In fact,

#198
I bet after you two are done talking or whatever you kids are calling it,

#199
I bet after you two are done talking or whatever you kids are calling it,

#200
you like nothing better than to lie there and pass the time watching her sleep.

#201
you like nothing better than to lie there and pass the time watching her sleep.

#202
you like nothing better than to lie there and pass the time watching her sleep.

#203
-It's impossible to actually lie next to Jordan,

#204
seen as she sleeps hanging from the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.

#205
seen as she sleeps hanging from the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.

#206
seen as she sleeps hanging from the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.

#207
-That's nice.

#208
Hey. I thought about what you said, and you're right, I owe you,

#209
Hey. I thought about what you said, and you're right, I owe you,

#210
so, I got you a date tonight. -Who?

#211
so, I got you a date tonight. -Who?

#212
-Tim.

#213
-Tim.

#214
-I'm not gay. -What?

#215
-I'm not gay. -What?

#216
Oh! Oh, OK, I get it. Neither is Tim.

#217
Oh! Oh, OK, I get it. Neither is Tim.

#218
'Unfortunately, I'm on-call tonight, -and as weird as this place is during the day, it's even worse at night.'

#219
'Unfortunately, I'm on-call tonight, -and as weird as this place is during the day, it's even worse at night.'

#220
'See, that's when all the weirdos come out.'

#221
'See, that's when all the weirdos come out.'

#222
'Like the ER doctor who likes to work nights cos he says he's up anyway.'

#223
'Like the ER doctor who likes to work nights cos he says he's up anyway.'

#224
-Hey, bro.

#225
'Or the nurse who everyone agrees -is just a little bit off.'

#226
'Or the nurse who everyone agrees -is just a little bit off.'

#227
'Or, if there's a full moon....'

#228
'Or, if there's a full moon....'

#229
-Hey. This is my band. We all work in different departments in the hospital.

#230
-Hey. This is my band. We all work in different departments in the hospital.

#231
-I know, you told me - # Legal

#232
-I know, you told me - # Legal

#233
# Accounting

#234
# Accounting # Shipping and Receiving

#235
# Accounting # Shipping and Receiving

#236
# On-site property management, -including pest control,

#237
# On-site property management, -including pest control,

#238
# Night-time security, non-arboreal gardening services, and tenant-related easements and liens.

#239
# Night-time security, non-arboreal gardening services, and tenant-related easements and liens.

#240
-You got promoted! (ALL) # It's about time.

#241
-You got promoted! (ALL) # It's about time.

#242
# He's been busting his hump around here for six years. Mm-mmm #

#243
# He's been busting his hump around here for six years. Mm-mmm #

#244
-Dr Kelso lets us practise at night.

#245
-I remember, cartoon theme songs?

#246
-I remember, cartoon theme songs?

#247
-No, no, no. That was lame.

#248
-No, no, no. That was lame.

#249
We do prime-time now. (PLAYS A NOTE)

#250
We do prime-time now. (PLAYS A NOTE)

#251
(ALL) # You take the good, -you take the bad

#252
(ALL) # You take the good, -you take the bad

#253
# You take them both and there you have

#254
# You take them both and there you have # The facts of life

#255
# You take them both and there you have # The facts of life

#256
# When it's your time -you've got to go

#257
# And show you've grown and now you know about

#258
# And show you've grown and now you know about

#259
# The facts of life, -the facts of life

#260
# The facts of life, -the facts of life

#261
# When the world never seems

#262
# To be living up to your dreams

#263
# To be living up to your dreams

#264
# And suddenly you're finding out -the facts of life

#265
# And suddenly you're finding out -the facts of life

#266
# Are all about you

#267
# Are all about you

#268
# Are all about you

#269
# Are all about you # Yes, we're talking to ya

#270
# Are all about you # Yes, we're talking to ya

#271
# All about you

#272
# All about you # It takes a lot

#273
# All about you # It takes a lot

#274
# To get 'em right

#275
# When you're learning the facts of life

#276
# When you're learning the facts of life

#277
# The facts of life

#278
# The facts of life # Keep on learning them

#279
# Learning the facts of li...

#280
# Learning the facts of li...

#281
# ..i-i-i-ife #

#282
# ..i-i-i-ife #

#283
-What attendings are on-call tonight? -Everyone's at that Kelso thing.

#284
-What attendings are on-call tonight? -Everyone's at that Kelso thing.

#285
-I think Dr Cox is on. -He went home. He said Carol could cover for him.

#286
-I think Dr Cox is on. -He went home. He said Carol could cover for him.

#287
-Is Carol the one with the really firm butt? -Well, I'm Carol, so yes.

#288
-Is Carol the one with the really firm butt? -Well, I'm Carol, so yes.

#289
-It's disturbing how obsessed you are with your butt.

#290
-It's disturbing how obsessed you are with your butt.

#291
-You guys are missing the point, no one's here but us, we're running this hospital.

#292
-You guys are missing the point, no one's here but us, we're running this hospital.

#293
-This is our house! -We're in charge! -I love my butt!

#294
-This is our house! -We're in charge! -I love my butt!

#295
'It's amazing how one moment you think you know what you want...'

#296
'It's amazing how one moment you think you know what you want...'

#297
-Oh, God. Come on.

#298
'And then the next moment, -everything changes.' -OK,

#299
'And then the next moment, -everything changes.' -OK,

#300
the ER doctor knows there's no attending up here, so instead of treating, he's admitting everyone.

#301
the ER doctor knows there's no attending up here, so instead of treating, he's admitting everyone.

#302
the ER doctor knows there's no attending up here, so instead of treating, he's admitting everyone.

#303
You've got twelve so far. Oncology, Cardiology, and Paediatrics all need surgical consults. (PHONE RINGS)

#304
You've got twelve so far. Oncology, Cardiology, and Paediatrics all need surgical consults. (PHONE RINGS)

#305
-That phone is for you. It's the clinic. They know you're on your own so they're patching calls through.

#306
-That phone is for you. It's the clinic. They know you're on your own so they're patching calls through.

#307
-That phone is for you. It's the clinic. They know you're on your own so they're patching calls through.

#308
And Bambi, room 201 needs an art-line,

#309
And Bambi, room 201 needs an art-line,

#310
room 202 needs reintubation, plus, Carol,

#311
you're needed in ICU to place a femoral swan under Mr Freed.

#312
you're needed in ICU to place a femoral swan under Mr Freed.

#313
-Never done one of these unsupervised before.

#314
-Never done one of these unsupervised before.

#315
(PAGERS BEEP)

#316
(PAGERS BEEP)

#317
'That's when I realized, tonight we really were all alone...

#318
'That's when I realized, tonight we really were all alone...

#319
..running the hospital.'

#320
..running the hospital.'

#321
(ALL) # Charles in charge of our days

#322
# And our nights

#323
# And our nights

#324
# Charles in charge of our wrongs

#325
# Charles in charge of our wrongs

#326
# And our rights

#327
# And I see, I want, I want

#328
# And I see, I want, I want

#329
# Charles in charge of me #

#330
# Charles in charge of me #

#331
'Luckily, someone had the guts -to stand up and take charge.'

#332
'Luckily, someone had the guts -to stand up and take charge.'

#333
-Look, you've been on-call before. So, you don't have a safety-net,

#334
-Look, you've been on-call before. So, you don't have a safety-net,

#335
most of the time you don't need one, right?

#336
most of the time you don't need one, right?

#337
I'll go tell your patients they're on their own cos you're too scared.

#338
I'll go tell your patients they're on their own cos you're too scared.

#339
-No, Carla, I'm the doctor, I should tell them.

#340
-No, Carla, I'm the doctor, I should tell them.

#341
-Come on, peeps! Let's go kick some sick patient ass!

#342
-Come on, peeps! Let's go kick some sick patient ass!

#343
-That, my friends, is one nerdy honky!

#344
-That, my friends, is one nerdy honky!

#345
-That's two.

#346
-My back hurts. -Oh, yeah? Well my front hurts, so touche.

#347
-My back hurts. -Oh, yeah? Well my front hurts, so touche.

#348
-Ah, always a charmer.

#349
-Ah, always a charmer.

#350
Hi. -Hi. I'm gonna go ahead and get you

#351
a big, ice-cold glass of water. What do you think of that?

#352
a big, ice-cold glass of water. What do you think of that?

#353
Oh, sweet mother of mercy, Carla, you were right, you were so right.

#354
Oh, sweet mother of mercy, Carla, you were right, you were so right.

#355
-Of course. -Just what am I supposed to do now? -Duck.

#356
-Of course. -Just what am I supposed to do now? -Duck.

#357
-Who paged me cos a patient thinks their tongue is too spongy?!

#358
-Who paged me cos a patient thinks their tongue is too spongy?!

#359
-You are not to tell any of them I'm here.

#360
-Why don't you go and tell Jordan how you feel.

#361
-Why don't you go and tell Jordan how you feel.

#362
-Tell a woman how I feel? -Well, I guess you could duck.

#363
-Tell a woman how I feel? -Well, I guess you could duck.

#364
-Ridiculous! He admitted out of Cardiology because he has heartburn!

#365
-Ridiculous! He admitted out of Cardiology because he has heartburn!

#366
-You just don't understand my relationship with Jordan.

#367
-You just don't understand my relationship with Jordan.

#368
-Duck.

#369
-Duck.

#370
-Now, that's just not funny.

#371
-Now, that's just not funny.

#372
'I don't know why I was scared -of placing a femoral swan,

#373
'I don't know why I was scared -of placing a femoral swan,

#374
guess I wished there was someone over my shoulder.'

#375
guess I wished there was someone over my shoulder.'

#376
'I was even starting to see things.'

#377
'I was even starting to see things.'

#378
OK, Mr Freed, I think I can do this.

#379
OK, Mr Freed, I think I can do this.

#380
-Hm?! -I'm gonna need a C-arm in here!

#381
-Want me to knock him out? -What are you doing? -I owe ya, I'm helping you out.

#382
-Want me to knock him out? -What are you doing? -I owe ya, I'm helping you out.

#383
-Want me to knock him out? -What are you doing? -I owe ya, I'm helping you out.

#384
-This isn't like being a janitor! It's not something everyone can do. -You can do my stuff, I can't do yours?

#385
-This isn't like being a janitor! It's not something everyone can do. -You can do my stuff, I can't do yours?

#386
-Yes! -OK, hotshot,

#387
-Yes! -OK, hotshot,

#388
what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor? -I don't know,

#389
what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor? -I don't know,

#390
the rough side of a sponge?

#391
the rough side of a sponge?

#392
-Dammit.

#393
-Dammit.

#394
Officer Berson's spiralling a bit.

#395
Officer Berson's spiralling a bit.

#396
-His pulmonary oedema seems secondary to acute mitral regurgitation.

#397
-His pulmonary oedema seems secondary to acute mitral regurgitation.

#398
If it's a flail leaflet, he'll need surgery.

#399
If it's a flail leaflet, he'll need surgery.

#400
-His vitals are weak, I wouldn't feel confident taking him to the OR.

#401
-His vitals are weak, I wouldn't feel confident taking him to the OR.

#402
'The classic Catch-22 -between Medical and Surgical. Somebody needs to be decisive.'

#403
'The classic Catch-22 -between Medical and Surgical. Somebody needs to be decisive.'

#404
OK, here's the plan -

#405
OK, here's the plan -

#406
we do nothing. -Sounds good. -I'm in. -That's inspiring.

#407
we do nothing. -Sounds good. -I'm in. -That's inspiring.

#408
-We'll meet back here in a few hours and see if his vitals have improved.

#409
-We'll meet back here in a few hours and see if his vitals have improved.

#410
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

#411
-Yeah, this ends now.

#412
-Yeah, this ends now.

#413
'Turk should've known -the worst mistake a doctor can make

#414
'Turk should've known -the worst mistake a doctor can make

#415
is setting foot in the hospital's free clinic... at night.'

#416
is setting foot in the hospital's free clinic... at night.'

#417
-I don't care if you do shave down there. That's not even a medical issue! But it sure is pretty!

#418
-I don't care if you do shave down there. That's not even a medical issue! But it sure is pretty!

#419
Ma'am, you don't have mono. But you do have halitosis. Mint?

#420
Ma'am, you don't have mono. But you do have halitosis. Mint?

#421
Three Baby Tylenol is actually an under-dose for a woman your size.

#422
Three Baby Tylenol is actually an under-dose for a woman your size.

#423
Oh!

#424
Oh!

#425
Yes, congratulations, you are double-jointed.

#426
Yes, congratulations, you are double-jointed.

#427
-I thought we'd talk up here so you could see we don't have any more beds and can't handle more patients.

#428
-I thought we'd talk up here so you could see we don't have any more beds and can't handle more patients.

#429
-OK. You talk way too fast.

#430
-OK. You talk way too fast.

#431
-If you'd just keep one person, we'd be willing to throw a parade for you!

#432
-If you'd just keep one person, we'd be willing to throw a parade for you!

#433
-If you'd just keep one person, we'd be willing to throw a parade for you!

#434
-She needs you to give her a break. -Oh.

#435
Well, tell her that we're really swamped.

#436
Well, tell her that we're really swamped.

#437
-She can understand you! -Uh-huh! Yeah! -Well then, uh,

#438
-She can understand you! -Uh-huh! Yeah! -Well then, uh,

#439
understand this - chill out, bitty.

#440
understand this - chill out, bitty.

#441
-Hey.

#442
-Hey. Didn't you go to get water, like, an hour ago?

#443
-Hey. Didn't you go to get water, like, an hour ago?

#444
-More or less. Hey, there's something I really want to say... to you.

#445
-More or less. Hey, there's something I really want to say... to you.

#446
-Can you say it while I'm drinking water? I'm dying of thirst.

#447
-Can you say it while I'm drinking water? I'm dying of thirst.

#448
-I like you... again.

#449
-I like you... again.

#450
You win. Do your victory dance, or slaughter a goat, or whatever it is you do when you're happy.

#451
You win. Do your victory dance, or slaughter a goat, or whatever it is you do when you're happy.

#452
-You don't like me. -I watch you when you sleep.

#453
-You don't like me. -I watch you when you sleep.

#454
-That just gives me the heebie-jeebies. -I can't stop thinking about you.

#455
-That just gives me the heebie-jeebies. -I can't stop thinking about you.

#456
-Look, this is pointless, angry, shallow sex!

#457
-Look, this is pointless, angry, shallow sex!

#458
Why would you ruin something like that? -I'm sorry,

#459
but that's just not enough any more.

#460
-Sweetie, I have feelings for you, too, I do.

#461
-Sweetie, I have feelings for you, too, I do.

#462
But, unlike you, I have balls, so you don't hear me whining about it.

#463
But, unlike you, I have balls, so you don't hear me whining about it.

#464
Look, Perry,

#465
Look, Perry,

#466
I can't let you back into my life,

#467
and watch you personally and professionally sabotage

#468
and watch you personally and professionally sabotage

#469
every single chance that you get. It's too hard. I can't do it.

#470
every single chance that you get. It's too hard. I can't do it.

#471
every single chance that you get. It's too hard. I can't do it.

#472
-I've changed. I have.

#473
I see a shrink now. I actually see two,

#474
I see a shrink now. I actually see two,

#475
tell you the truth. Good God,

#476
tell you the truth. Good God,

#477
what do you want me to do to prove to you I'm not that guy any more? -Hmm...

#478
what do you want me to do to prove to you I'm not that guy any more? -Hmm...

#479
-There you are! Had to make me sweat, didn't ya!

#480
-There you are! Had to make me sweat, didn't ya!

#481
Good for you, buckaroo. Here, I took the liberty of writing out my introduction.

#482
Good for you, buckaroo. Here, I took the liberty of writing out my introduction.

#483
-"Bob Kelso is... the love of my life."

#484
-"Bob Kelso is... the love of my life."

#485
-My wife was going to do it. -She doesn't even seem to be here, Bob.

#486
-My wife was going to do it. -She doesn't even seem to be here, Bob.

#487
-Ah, what are you gonna do? (LAUGHS) -Lovely.

#488
-Ah, what are you gonna do? (LAUGHS) -Lovely.

#489
(GONG SOUNDS) You rang.

#490
(GONG SOUNDS) You rang.

#491
Lurch. -Oh.

#492
My stethoscope is stuck up there, and I need you to get it down for me.

#493
My stethoscope is stuck up there, and I need you to get it down for me.

#494
-You put it up there. -It's really neither here nor there.

#495
-You put it up there. -It's really neither here nor there.

#496
-Fine. Alright, we're even.

#497
-Fine. Alright, we're even.

#498
-Thank God. -You could have asked me to stop hassling you for, like, a year?

#499
-Thank God. -You could have asked me to stop hassling you for, like, a year?

#500
-OK, I want that, then. -It's too late.

#501
-OK, I want that, then. -It's too late.

#502
-But I use those for listening.

#503
-But I use those for listening.

#504
-Oh, uh, they want you upstairs in room, er,...

#505
..208.

#506
..208.

#507
-His vitals are exactly the same.

#508
There's gotta be one attending in this stupid hospital. -You guys are unbelievable.

#509
There's gotta be one attending in this stupid hospital. -You guys are unbelievable.

#510
There's gotta be one attending in this stupid hospital. -You guys are unbelievable.

#511
-Oh, thank you, baby. -Not the good kind. -I know!

#512
-You all want more responsibility. But you're being outsmarted

#513
-You all want more responsibility. But you're being outsmarted

#514
by a doctor who wears scrubs made of hemp, you're afraid to stand up to a volunteer answering phones,

#515
by a doctor who wears scrubs made of hemp, you're afraid to stand up to a volunteer answering phones,

#516
by a doctor who wears scrubs made of hemp, you're afraid to stand up to a volunteer answering phones,

#517
and Bambi, did you ever place that femoral swan? -It's on my to-do list.

#518
and Bambi, did you ever place that femoral swan? -It's on my to-do list.

#519
-I know you're all hoping Officer Berson's vitals will go up or down

#520
-I know you're all hoping Officer Berson's vitals will go up or down

#521
and this decision will be made for you. Guess what? Nothing's changed, so it's on you.

#522
and this decision will be made for you. Guess what? Nothing's changed, so it's on you.

#523
'We all knew what we had to do.'

#524
'We all knew what we had to do.'

#525
Surgery.

#526
Surgery.

#527
'Sometimes, just making a decision is half the battle.'

#528
'Sometimes, just making a decision is half the battle.'

#529
(ALL HUM SIX MILLION DOLLAR -MAN THEME) -We can rebuild him.

#530
(ALL HUM SIX MILLION DOLLAR -MAN THEME) -We can rebuild him.

#531
We have the technology.

#532
We can make him better than he was before - better, stronger, faster.

#533
We can make him better than he was before - better, stronger, faster.

#534
We can make him better than he was before - better, stronger, faster.

#535
-Zhn-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne!

#536
-Zhn-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne!

#537
-Your "zhn-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne"s could be louder.

#538
-Your "zhn-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne"s could be louder.

#539
You guys were fine.

#540
You guys were fine.

#541
-Good evening, everybody.

#542
-Good evening, everybody.

#543
Bob Kelso is....

#544
Bob Kelso is....

#545
'In moments of truth, -we always reveal who we really are.'

#546
'In moments of truth, -we always reveal who we really are.'

#547
-Bob Kelso is an awful, awful man.

#548
-Bob Kelso is an awful, awful man.

#549
I'm not joking. He's the devil. (ALL APPLAUD)

#550
-What's wrong with you people?

#551
This is... -Great stuff, Perry! Great stuff! Is this guy a hoot, or what?

#552
This is... -Great stuff, Perry! Great stuff! Is this guy a hoot, or what?

#553
-I'll get your ass for this.

#554
-Jordan!

#555
-Jordan!

#556
-Thank you.

#557
-Thank you.

#558
'Sometimes, -we're our own worst enemy.'

#559
'And sometimes we rise to the occasion.'

#560
'And sometimes we rise to the occasion.'

#561
Everything went really well.

#562
'Even though we know that tomorrow morning

#563
'Even though we know that tomorrow morning

#564
the three of us will go back to being the most unappreciated people in the hospital.'

#565
the three of us will go back to being the most unappreciated people in the hospital.'

#566
-What are you doing? I thought you were off last night?

#567
-What are you doing? I thought you were off last night?

#568
-I switched shifts to help some friends. Have a good one. Guys, wait up!

#569
-I switched shifts to help some friends. Have a good one. Guys, wait up!

#570
# The new boy in the neighbourhood

#571
# The new boy in the neighbourhood

#572
# Lives downstairs and it's understood

#573
# Lives downstairs and it's understood

#574
# He's there just to take good care of me

#575
# He's there just to take good care of me

#576
(ALL) # Like he's one of the family

#577
# Charles in charge of our days

#578
# And our nights

#579
# And our nights

#580
# Charles in charge of our wrongs

#581
# Charles in charge of our wrongs

#582
# And our rights... #

#583
# And our rights... #

#584
-Shut the hell up, Ted, it's morning!

#585
Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#586
Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

Season 2, Episode 2 — My Nightingale

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