Scrubs

#1
I can't stress enough how much you gotta avoid red meat.

#2
I can't stress enough how much you gotta avoid red meat.

#3
Cirrhosis of your liver is preventing it from filtering out the toxins.

#4
Cirrhosis of your liver is preventing it from filtering out the toxins.

#5
If those get to your brain you become encephalopathic,

#6
leading to mental change. -So, what, I'm gonna start acting all crazy?

#7
leading to mental change. -So, what, I'm gonna start acting all crazy?

#8
-You'll need a tin hat to hold in your thoughts!

#9
-I can still have a tiny bite of my wife's carne asada, right? -Well...

#10
-I can still have a tiny bite of my wife's carne asada, right? -Well...

#11
'I always know I can count on Carla to be the bad cop.'

#12
'I always know I can count on Carla to be the bad cop.'

#13
-What part of "no meat" don't you understand?

#14
-What part of "no meat" don't you understand?

#15
I just thought - -Carla!

#16
I just thought - -Carla!

#17
-If you don't listen to Dr Dorian, you're gonna answer to me.

#18
-If you don't listen to Dr Dorian, you're gonna answer to me.

#19
-OK! Ix-nay on the eat-may. -Right.

#20
'We're a team.' (TITTERS) What?

#21
-"Eat-may" sounds like "eat me"!

#22
-"Eat-may" sounds like "eat me"!

#23
'Of course, on some teams, there's gonna be friction.'

#24
'Of course, on some teams, there's gonna be friction.'

#25
-Alright, we're done here. Bonnie, you close.

#26
-Alright, we're done here. Bonnie, you close.

#27
-Damn! -Aw, don't be mad. Just be the good little biatch you are and wipe the sweat off my forehead.

#28
-Damn! -Aw, don't be mad. Just be the good little biatch you are and wipe the sweat off my forehead.

#29
-Look, don't say "biatch". You can't pull it off, which is interesting,

#30
-Look, don't say "biatch". You can't pull it off, which is interesting,

#31
being that you're the queen mother of all -

#32
-Dr Wen, my forehead's a little misty.

#33
-Dr Wen, my forehead's a little misty.

#34
-Dr Turk, are your hands broken?

#35
-Dr Turk, are your hands broken?

#36
-No.

#37
Here you go. -Mmm, that's nice,...

#38
Here you go. -Mmm, that's nice,...

#39
..biatch! (SIGHS)

#40
'And some teams -never seem to get together.'

#41
'And some teams -never seem to get together.'

#42
-Dr Cox! I'm so glad I caught you. I needed to - -And there it is again -

#43
-Dr Cox! I'm so glad I caught you. I needed to - -And there it is again -

#44
that ringing in my ears. It's kind of an "Ahh!" but it's more piercing. More of an "Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

#45
that ringing in my ears. It's kind of an "Ahh!" but it's more piercing. More of an "Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

#46
that ringing in my ears. It's kind of an "Ahh!" but it's more piercing. More of an "Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

#47
-She's trying to ask you a question. -You, you're more of a low-pitched "Ooga-ooga-ooga."

#48
-She's trying to ask you a question. -You, you're more of a low-pitched "Ooga-ooga-ooga."

#49
It's more masculine, which, quite frankly,

#50
It's more masculine, which, quite frankly,

#51
is surprising considering the source, but make no mistake,

#52
is surprising considering the source, but make no mistake,

#53
oh, just equally annoying! Luckily, though,

#54
oh, just equally annoying! Luckily, though,

#55
I know how to make the pain go away!

#56
I know how to make the pain go away!

#57
Ah! Much better! -Can you believe that?

#58
I mean, every time we even try to talk to him, he starts going off...

#59
I mean, every time we even try to talk to him, he starts going off...

#60
I mean, every time we even try to talk to him, he starts going off...

#61
'Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.'

#62
-You know? -Clearly, we're on the same page.

#63
-You know? -Clearly, we're on the same page.

#64
-We're residents now. We should be treated like colleagues. I can't get him to notice me.

#65
-We're residents now. We should be treated like colleagues. I can't get him to notice me.

#66
-We're residents now. We should be treated like colleagues. I can't get him to notice me.

#67
Oh! Uh... Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

#68
Oh! Uh... Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

#69
Agh!

#70
-OK. (WHISTLES)

#71
-Maybe if you wore your hair up?

#72
-Maybe if you wore your hair up?

#73
# I can't do this all on my own

#74
# I can't do this all on my own

#75
# No, I know I'm no Superman

#76
# I'm no Superman #

#77
# I'm no Superman #

#78
-What's up? 'Be careful, here.'

#79
-What's up? 'Be careful, here.'

#80
'Don't give him anything.'

#81
'Don't give him anything.'

#82
Nothing. What is up with you, man?

#83
-I always get this way in the fall. Summer's gone, the days are shorter.

#84
-I always get this way in the fall. Summer's gone, the days are shorter.

#85
It just makes me feel so... What's the word?

#86
It just makes me feel so... What's the word?

#87
-Sad?

#88
-Sad?

#89
-Yes, that's it. I'm a janitor, so I couldn't think of the word "sad".

#90
-Yes, that's it. I'm a janitor, so I couldn't think of the word "sad".

#91
I was gonna say it makes me feel so "mop".

#92
I was gonna say it makes me feel so "mop".

#93
-Let me explain. I - -Go ahead. I'm mopping...

#94
-Let me explain. I - -Go ahead. I'm mopping...

#95
-Maybe I shouldn't bother. -Maybe you mopn't.

#96
'I guess after a while, -you stop being surprised by people.'

#97
-Yeah, I'm gonna be needing a room.

#98
-Yeah, I'm gonna be needing a room.

#99
Who can say no to 49-cent cheeseburgers?

#100
Who can say no to 49-cent cheeseburgers?

#101
-But tack on the cost of medicine, your room, and pumping your stomach,

#102
-But tack on the cost of medicine, your room, and pumping your stomach,

#103
and that 49-cent cheeseburger is gonna run you $1,300.

#104
and that 49-cent cheeseburger is gonna run you $1,300.

#105
-See? That's how they get you. -Right.

#106
-See? That's how they get you. -Right.

#107
-Your brother called. -Cool. -I didn't know you had a brother.

#108
-That's my pet name for Turk - he's mine, and a black man. My brother!

#109
-That's my pet name for Turk - he's mine, and a black man. My brother!

#110
-That's my pet name for Turk - he's mine, and a black man. My brother!

#111
-Adorable! Do you think he'd mind if I called him that? -JD, I was kidding!

#112
-Adorable! Do you think he'd mind if I called him that? -JD, I was kidding!

#113
-I know. I'm still gonna ask.

#114
-I know. I'm still gonna ask.

#115
How come I don't know anything about your family?

#116
-I don't know. I'm not big on sharing my personal life with people.

#117
-I don't know. I'm not big on sharing my personal life with people.

#118
-But you know everything about me!

#119
-But you know everything about me!

#120
You know I have them switch Lauren's shifts so we end up working together.

#121
You know I have them switch Lauren's shifts so we end up working together.

#122
-I didn't know that. -Well, you do now, because I'm "sharing" with you!

#123
-I didn't know that. -Well, you do now, because I'm "sharing" with you!

#124
-Ok, I'm "leaving" now. -Wow!

#125
-Ok, I'm "leaving" now. -Wow!

#126
-Another Friday night!? That's three in a row! -I know. It's so unfair.

#127
-Another Friday night!? That's three in a row! -I know. It's so unfair.

#128
(SNIFFS) I'm mad about it.

#129
-Bonnie is killing me. I cannot beat this woman no matter what I try!

#130
-Bonnie is killing me. I cannot beat this woman no matter what I try!

#131
She's like a ninja but worse! -Nothing's worse than a ninja.

#132
She's like a ninja but worse! -Nothing's worse than a ninja.

#133
They're masters of every style of combat. -Can we talk about something other than Bonnie?

#134
They're masters of every style of combat. -Can we talk about something other than Bonnie?

#135
They're masters of every style of combat. -Can we talk about something other than Bonnie?

#136
-You should give Bonnie a break. It's hard being a woman around here.

#137
-You should give Bonnie a break. It's hard being a woman around here.

#138
You can walk through walls and nobody notices you. -Not unlike a ninja!

#139
You can walk through walls and nobody notices you. -Not unlike a ninja!

#140
-Whatever. I'm out.

#141
-Whatever. I'm out.

#142
-Catch you later, my brother! -I'll holla!

#143
-Catch you later, my brother! -I'll holla!

#144
-He said "holla".

#145
-He said "holla".

#146
-Mr Tillman's results are back. It's bad. -Damn it, Laverne!

#147
-Mr Tillman's results are back. It's bad. -Damn it, Laverne!

#148
Why can't I ever be the one dying? -I don't know.

#149
Why can't I ever be the one dying? -I don't know.

#150
-It... was... rhetorical. If you tell Mrs Tillman that I'll be right out, that would be just terrific(!)

#151
-It... was... rhetorical. If you tell Mrs Tillman that I'll be right out, that would be just terrific(!)

#152
-It... was... rhetorical. If you tell Mrs Tillman that I'll be right out, that would be just terrific(!)

#153
-Dr Cox! Mr Tillman is my patient, too. -He is?

#154
-Yeah, I was in the room with you this morning, remember? -Er,... no.

#155
-Yeah, I was in the room with you this morning, remember? -Er,... no.

#156
-Yeah, I was in the room with you this morning, remember? -Er,... no.

#157
-Well, I was. Anyway, um, I... If you want, I-I could talk to his wife,

#158
-Well, I was. Anyway, um, I... If you want, I-I could talk to his wife,

#159
because I... just really enjoy that kind of stuff. -Wait a minute...

#160
because I... just really enjoy that kind of stuff. -Wait a minute...

#161
Are you saying you enjoy telling people their spouses are going to die?

#162
Are you saying you enjoy telling people their spouses are going to die?

#163
-Yep. I know that sounds weird, but I just like being there for people.

#164
-Yep. I know that sounds weird, but I just like being there for people.

#165
It's kind of why I became a doctor in the first place.

#166
It's kind of why I became a doctor in the first place.

#167
-It's nice to know where the magic began!

#168
-It's nice to know where the magic began!

#169
There you go.

#170
There you go.

#171
-So! How are my girls today? Fantastic. Listen - -Dr Kelso,...

#172
-So! How are my girls today? Fantastic. Listen - -Dr Kelso,...

#173
..if you're here to do your "How are my girls? Let me tell you some things you don't want to hear"

#174
..if you're here to do your "How are my girls? Let me tell you some things you don't want to hear"

#175
..if you're here to do your "How are my girls? Let me tell you some things you don't want to hear"

#176
routines, I'm in a mood, so it's probably best to turn and leave.

#177
routines, I'm in a mood, so it's probably best to turn and leave.

#178
-Young lady, I will not be spoken to like that!

#179
Luckily for you, I have to go see Mrs Pfitztuffulla down in Pfofferoptrics.

#180
Luckily for you, I have to go see Mrs Pfitztuffulla down in Pfofferoptrics.

#181
Luckily for you, I have to go see Mrs Pfitztuffulla down in Pfofferoptrics.

#182
-Attaboy. -Rough day, huh?

#183
-Attaboy. -Rough day, huh?

#184
Well, maybe it would help to share... with someone!

#185
Well, maybe it would help to share... with someone!

#186
-OK. You want in? You want me to open up?

#187
-OK. You want in? You want me to open up?

#188
-I think I can handle it. -Fine!

#189
-I think I can handle it. -Fine!

#190
I don't like the way I look. I don't like the way I think.

#191
I don't like the way I look. I don't like the way I think.

#192
I have too much hair, my boobs are too low,

#193
I have too much hair, my boobs are too low,

#194
my butt is too big, and I'm so short!

#195
my butt is too big, and I'm so short!

#196
When I woke up this morning, I cried because I thought I was getting wrinkles,

#197
When I woke up this morning, I cried because I thought I was getting wrinkles,

#198
but it turns out I just fell asleep on corduroy pants! -Wow!

#199
but it turns out I just fell asleep on corduroy pants! -Wow!

#200
-There. Now you think I'm the craziest woman here!

#201
-There. Now you think I'm the craziest woman here!

#202
-Dr Cox let me tell a woman that her husband's dying!

#203
-Dr Cox let me tell a woman that her husband's dying!

#204
-No, I don't.

#205
-So I'm doing

#206
-So I'm doing

#207
and you're doing...

#208
and you're doing...

#209
..yet another appendectomy. How fun for you(!)

#210
..yet another appendectomy. How fun for you(!)

#211
-Call that smack-talk? You shoulda asked me how it feels to be so far below you,

#212
-Call that smack-talk? You shoulda asked me how it feels to be so far below you,

#213
I wouldn't be able to read "Suck it, Turk" if you wrote it on your shoe.

#214
I wouldn't be able to read "Suck it, Turk" if you wrote it on your shoe.

#215
-OK, how does that feel?

#216
-OK, how does that feel?

#217
-Damn! -Doctors! Something I've taken great pride in over the years

#218
-Damn! -Doctors! Something I've taken great pride in over the years

#219
is Sacred Heart's involvement in the "Doctors Without Borders" programme.

#220
is Sacred Heart's involvement in the "Doctors Without Borders" programme.

#221
Now, every year, I single out the most qualified surgical resident

#222
Now, every year, I single out the most qualified surgical resident

#223
to accompany me to Mexico for a weekend.

#224
to accompany me to Mexico for a weekend.

#225
Anyway, I've made my decision.

#226
Anyway, I've made my decision.

#227
-Thank you, sir. You haven't lived until you've tasted el Todd's guac!

#228
-Thank you, sir. You haven't lived until you've tasted el Todd's guac!

#229
-Dr Turk, pack your bag.

#230
-Dr Turk, pack your bag.

#231
-Dang!

#232
-Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

#233
-Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

#234
-Shove it, Turk! -Oh! I'm gonna shove it!

#235
-Shove it, Turk! -Oh! I'm gonna shove it!

#236
# And love it! And dance around above it!

#237
# And love it! And dance around above it!

#238
# Hey! Shove it and love it! And dance around above it! Come on #

#239
# Hey! Shove it and love it! And dance around above it! Come on #

#240
-You see, that's what's really bothering me.

#241
-You see, that's what's really bothering me.

#242
-What? Turk and Bonnie? They hate each other!

#243
-What? Turk and Bonnie? They hate each other!

#244
-Then why is he doing his "You're so getting a piece of this" dance? -He's not. That's his "in your face" dance.

#245
-Then why is he doing his "You're so getting a piece of this" dance? -He's not. That's his "in your face" dance.

#246
-Then why is he doing his "You're so getting a piece of this" dance? -He's not. That's his "in your face" dance.

#247
Or his "There's a sale on lotion" dance. He's got so many dances.

#248
Or his "There's a sale on lotion" dance. He's got so many dances.

#249
-Please! They might as well be naked. Slut!

#250
-Please! They might as well be naked. Slut!

#251
-Carla! Trust me. There's no way that he's cheating on you.

#252
-Carla! Trust me. There's no way that he's cheating on you.

#253
-Yeah, you're probably right.

#254
-That's it? You were just freaking out! -Hey, you wanted in!

#255
-That's it? You were just freaking out! -Hey, you wanted in!

#256
'Cr-azy!'

#257
'Cr-azy!'

#258
-Barbie. -Yessie!

#259
-How'd it go with Mrs Tillman? -It... was... awesome!

#260
-How'd it go with Mrs Tillman? -It... was... awesome!

#261
-How'd it go with Mrs Tillman? -It... was... awesome!

#262
-It's not possessed! It's for sitting.

#263
-It's not possessed! It's for sitting.

#264
-Excuse me? -For God's sake, you must park it.

#265
-Excuse me? -For God's sake, you must park it.

#266
Course, what we generally do now is eat.

#267
Course, what we generally do now is eat.

#268
Eat.

#269
-I can't. I'm too nervous.

#270
-I can't. I'm too nervous.

#271
-Blaaaaaaaaaahh! -Christopher!

#272
-Blaaaaaaaaaahh! -Christopher!

#273
-Sorry, I just can't believe Kelso chose me. -Me neither. I told him to take Bonnie.

#274
-Sorry, I just can't believe Kelso chose me. -Me neither. I told him to take Bonnie.

#275
-So, then, why did he pick me? -Among all the surgery residents,

#276
-So, then, why did he pick me? -Among all the surgery residents,

#277
what's the difference between you, Bonnie, Todd, Steve, Eric, and VJ?

#278
what's the difference between you, Bonnie, Todd, Steve, Eric, and VJ?

#279
what's the difference between you, Bonnie, Todd, Steve, Eric, and VJ?

#280
-First of all, she's a - -There it is!

#281
-Wait, because she's - -Yep. -She?

#282
-Wait, because she's - -Yep. -She?

#283
-Exactly! -Huh?

#284
-Exactly! -Huh?

#285
It's because she's a woman... Damn!

#286
It's because she's a woman... Damn!

#287
Fork! Me can't eat soup!

#288
Fork! Me can't eat soup!

#289
(HOWLS)

#290
-Look, I don't think you're stupid. Your job requires a lot of know-how.

#291
-Look, I don't think you're stupid. Your job requires a lot of know-how.

#292
-Look, I don't think you're stupid. Your job requires a lot of know-how.

#293
I mean it's not like you're ladling out sloppy joes or something.

#294
I mean it's not like you're ladling out sloppy joes or something.

#295
You know, m-my uncle w-w-was a joer. Yeah...

#296
You know, m-my uncle w-w-was a joer. Yeah...

#297
-Let me fill you in on this guy. -JD!

#298
-Let me fill you in on this guy. -JD!

#299
-Oh, thank God!

#300
-Oh, thank God!

#301
A lot happens in the cafeteria. Whether you've just accidentally stolen your lunch,...

#302
A lot happens in the cafeteria. Whether you've just accidentally stolen your lunch,...

#303
..or you've finally gotten someone to notice you,...

#304
..or you've finally gotten someone to notice you,...

#305
..or you've connected with a friend on a level you didn't know you could. The cafeteria is just a happy place.

#306
..or you've connected with a friend on a level you didn't know you could. The cafeteria is just a happy place.

#307
..or you've connected with a friend on a level you didn't know you could. The cafeteria is just a happy place.

#308
What's wrong with him? -The only reason I'm going to Mexico

#309
What's wrong with him? -The only reason I'm going to Mexico

#310
is cos Bonnie is not a guy. -Sorry, baby.

#311
is cos Bonnie is not a guy. -Sorry, baby.

#312
-I can't believe you think I've got a thing for her! 'Oh, no!'

#313
-I can't believe you think I've got a thing for her! 'Oh, no!'

#314
-Who told you that?

#315
JD told you that?! -Mm-hmm.

#316
-Hey, when did you guys learn sign language?!

#317
-Hey, when did you guys learn sign language?!

#318
Night classes? Wait.When did -I -learn sign language?!

#319
Night classes? Wait.When did -I -learn sign language?!

#320
-JD said you're a big ol' can o' crazy.

#321
-JD said you're a big ol' can o' crazy.

#322
-A little can. A very tiny,...

#323
-A little can. A very tiny,...

#324
..small can. -Nah, you said big can.

#325
..small can. -Nah, you said big can.

#326
-Mr Hogan, I've come up with a little mantra for you. -Hit me.

#327
-Mr Hogan, I've come up with a little mantra for you. -Hit me.

#328
-If meat is your treat, your oesophageal varices will bleed,

#329
-If meat is your treat, your oesophageal varices will bleed,

#330
causing you to digest your blood, leading to a horrible death! -Catchy!

#331
causing you to digest your blood, leading to a horrible death! -Catchy!

#332
-Just say it over and over. -Horrible death...

#333
-Just say it over and over. -Horrible death...

#334
Horrible death... Horrible death. 'OK, you can fix this.'

#335
Horrible death... Horrible death. 'OK, you can fix this.'

#336
Carla, I messed up and I'm so sorry.

#337
Carla, I messed up and I'm so sorry.

#338
-Bambi! We're good, OK? We're pals! -Thank you.

#339
-Bambi! We're good, OK? We're pals! -Thank you.

#340
-So, you think it's funny to switch people's shifts, huh? -Bye, pal.

#341
-So, you think it's funny to switch people's shifts, huh? -Bye, pal.

#342
-I missed my baby's first steps.

#343
-I missed my baby's first steps.

#344
-I'm so sorry. Does this mean you're married?

#345
(SIGHS)

#346
(SIGHS)

#347
-Dr Kelso, can I bother you? -Based on history, yes.

#348
-Dr Kelso, can I bother you? -Based on history, yes.

#349
-I know Dr Wen recommended Bonnie. -I chose you because we're going to be moving around,

#350
-I know Dr Wen recommended Bonnie. -I chose you because we're going to be moving around,

#351
-I know Dr Wen recommended Bonnie. -I chose you because we're going to be moving around,

#352
and I can't be pulling over every two minutes for pee stops and those nylons that come in plastic eggs!

#353
and I can't be pulling over every two minutes for pee stops and those nylons that come in plastic eggs!

#354
-Don't you think that's a little sexist? -I don't know, sport.

#355
-Don't you think that's a little sexist? -I don't know, sport.

#356
Is it sexist to hold the door for a woman?

#357
Is it sexist to hold the door for a woman?

#358
Is it sexist to keep the pretty nurses and unload a few uggos?

#359
Is it sexist to keep the pretty nurses and unload a few uggos?

#360
The rules have changed so much, I just can't keep up. Tell you what -

#361
The rules have changed so much, I just can't keep up. Tell you what -

#362
let's stop jiggling each other's marbles. You decide who should go.

#363
let's stop jiggling each other's marbles. You decide who should go.

#364
That way, when you choose yourself,

#365
I won't have to deal with all this horrible guilt.

#366
I won't have to deal with all this horrible guilt.

#367
-Dr Cox! -Aw, jeez, Edith!

#368
-Dr Cox! -Aw, jeez, Edith!

#369
-Hi!

#370
This chair won't pull out. -Oh!

#371
This chair won't pull out. -Oh!

#372
Maybe that's because my ankles are wrapped around it.

#373
Maybe that's because my ankles are wrapped around it.

#374
Look, I actually need some me-time.

#375
-Oh. -Yeah. -OK.

#376
-Oh. -Yeah. -OK.

#377
I wanted to say - if you have any other bad-news situations, I would gladly handle them for you. -Really?

#378
I wanted to say - if you have any other bad-news situations, I would gladly handle them for you. -Really?

#379
I wanted to say - if you have any other bad-news situations, I would gladly handle them for you. -Really?

#380
-Gladly.

#381
-Gladly.

#382
-Well, welcome aboard.

#383
-Why'd you get turkey when there's egg salad? -There's no egg salad today.

#384
-Why'd you get turkey when there's egg salad? -There's no egg salad today.

#385
-Missed a spot. Mm-hmm.

#386
-Missed a spot. Mm-hmm.

#387
-So, we're even, right? -Even?

#388
-So, we're even, right? -Even?

#389
I told a nurse you switched her shifts - you babbled my crazy

#390
I told a nurse you switched her shifts - you babbled my crazy

#391
to the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with!

#392
to the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with!

#393
-I could've spent my life with Lauren! At least with her tushie.

#394
-I could've spent my life with Lauren! At least with her tushie.

#395
I just want to wash it. Is thatweird? -Think this is funny? -Come on!

#396
I just want to wash it. Is thatweird? -Think this is funny? -Come on!

#397
-I told you how hard it is for me to let my guard down. And that quick, you burn me.

#398
-I told you how hard it is for me to let my guard down. And that quick, you burn me.

#399
Never again! -Well, don't walk away!

#400
Never again! -Well, don't walk away!

#401
Carla, come on!

#402
Carla, come on!

#403
-Bonnie,...

#404
-Bonnie,...

#405
..I found out Dr Wen recommended you for that trip to Mexico.

#406
..I found out Dr Wen recommended you for that trip to Mexico.

#407
I'm sure you know how hard it is for me to stand here and admit that

#408
I'm sure you know how hard it is for me to stand here and admit that

#409
so I was hoping we can use this as an opportunity to repair our relationship.

#410
so I was hoping we can use this as an opportunity to repair our relationship.

#411
What do you say?

#412
What do you say?

#413
-Blaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! -Oh, my God!

#414
-Blaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! -Oh, my God!

#415
OK, fine! You go to Mexico, OK? And by the way, "dolor en el asno"

#416
OK, fine! You go to Mexico, OK? And by the way, "dolor en el asno"

#417
means pain in the ass. I thought it would help you when you introduce yourself.

#418
means pain in the ass. I thought it would help you when you introduce yourself.

#419
-I don't want your charity! You go.

#420
-I don't want your charity! You go.

#421
And every second you're down there,

#422
And every second you're down there,

#423
I want you to think about how I kick your ass up and down these halls

#424
I want you to think about how I kick your ass up and down these halls

#425
all day long. Now,... where was I?

#426
all day long. Now,... where was I?

#427
-Blah.

#428
-Oh, yeah!

#429
-Oh, yeah!

#430
-There you go, prom queen. There's some really tragic stuff in there,

#431
-There you go, prom queen. There's some really tragic stuff in there,

#432
so, you know, go nuts!

#433
-All of these are your patients? -No,...

#434
-All of these are your patients? -No,...

#435
..but when word got out about your offer, the other docs wanted in.

#436
..but when word got out about your offer, the other docs wanted in.

#437
-Oh, great! More for me!

#438
-Oh, great! More for me!

#439
I'm afraid you have hepatitis.

#440
I'm afraid you have hepatitis.

#441
Meningitis?

#442
Oesophageal gastro-duodenal colitis.

#443
Yes, it's like being blind in one eye,...

#444
Yes, it's like being blind in one eye,...

#445
..except you'll be blind in both.

#446
..except you'll be blind in both.

#447
I'm really sorry. Erm,...

#448
..there's nothing more that we can do.

#449
(PHONE RINGS) -Hello?

#450
We can hear you! Hello?

#451
We can hear you! Hello?

#452
-Why won't it stop ringing?! -Hello!

#453
-Why won't it stop ringing?! -Hello!

#454
For the love of God, hello!

#455
-Alright, look, I never meant to insinuate you guys were stupid.

#456
-Alright, look, I never meant to insinuate you guys were stupid.

#457
Everyone knows you're a hundred times smarter than the jackasses that run this place.

#458
Everyone knows you're a hundred times smarter than the jackasses that run this place.

#459
Everyone knows you're a hundred times smarter than the jackasses that run this place.

#460
-Is that so, sport? -No, sir. It's not so.

#461
-Is that so, sport? -No, sir. It's not so.

#462
Oof! Would you just go ahead and answer it, already? Hello?

#463
Oof! Would you just go ahead and answer it, already? Hello?

#464
-Hello!

#465
-Hey, take that, smart guy!

#466
-Hey, take that, smart guy!

#467
-Troy, that's not how we do it.

#468
-Troy, that's not how we do it.

#469
What the hell? -What would you do if your five year old begged you to have a bite of his dinner?

#470
What the hell? -What would you do if your five year old begged you to have a bite of his dinner?

#471
What the hell? -What would you do if your five year old begged you to have a bite of his dinner?

#472
-You had two dozen ribs! -I know. I don't even have a kid.

#473
-I've had enough. This is ridiculous. -Will you lay off? He made a mistake.

#474
-I've had enough. This is ridiculous. -Will you lay off? He made a mistake.

#475
People make mistakes. When they do, it wouldn't hurt to cut them some slack. -Thanks, man!

#476
People make mistakes. When they do, it wouldn't hurt to cut them some slack. -Thanks, man!

#477
-Quiet. This isn't about you. Don't eat meat! Carla!

#478
-Quiet. This isn't about you. Don't eat meat! Carla!

#479
Every time you've screwed up with me, I've let you off the hook. -When have I ever screwed up with you?

#480
Every time you've screwed up with me, I've let you off the hook. -When have I ever screwed up with you?

#481
-OK, never. But we both know that if you ever did, I'd give you a break.

#482
-OK, never. But we both know that if you ever did, I'd give you a break.

#483
Now, see how you like it when I walk away from you.

#484
Now, see how you like it when I walk away from you.

#485
Actually, I need to go -this -way.

#486
Right the first time.

#487
-Awesome! -Awww! You're gonna love this one(!)

#488
-Awesome! -Awww! You're gonna love this one(!)

#489
25-year-old woman. Dancer, actually. Well, not any more. I'm afraid we have to take both of her legs -

#490
25-year-old woman. Dancer, actually. Well, not any more. I'm afraid we have to take both of her legs -

#491
bilateral gangrene - and seeing as her husband recently passed away,

#492
bilateral gangrene - and seeing as her husband recently passed away,

#493
and her insurance at the union probably is not gonna cover it,

#494
and her insurance at the union probably is not gonna cover it,

#495
you should tell her she won't be able to stay here for her rehab.

#496
you should tell her she won't be able to stay here for her rehab.

#497
-What... room is she in? -There is no room.

#498
-What... room is she in? -There is no room.

#499
In fact, in the history of medicine, there's never been a patient that depressing. I made her up!

#500
In fact, in the history of medicine, there's never been a patient that depressing. I made her up!

#501
In fact, in the history of medicine, there's never been a patient that depressing. I made her up!

#502
Come on, now! Keep going down this road, you're gonna go up to the roof of this hospital and jump off.

#503
Come on, now! Keep going down this road, you're gonna go up to the roof of this hospital and jump off.

#504
Come on, now! Keep going down this road, you're gonna go up to the roof of this hospital and jump off.

#505
Mind you, it's only five storeys, so you'll wind up back here,

#506
where I will be the one who has to treat you, and then I'll be forced to jump off the roof,

#507
where I will be the one who has to treat you, and then I'll be forced to jump off the roof,

#508
which is only five storeys high, and are you starting to see a pattern?

#509
which is only five storeys high, and are you starting to see a pattern?

#510
-I just wanted to be colleagues. -Barbie,...

#511
-I just wanted to be colleagues. -Barbie,...

#512
..as long as you stay at this hospital, I'm always gonna be your superior. That's the way it goes.

#513
..as long as you stay at this hospital, I'm always gonna be your superior. That's the way it goes.

#514
Don't get me wrong, you can keep trying to connect with me. I mean,

#515
Don't get me wrong, you can keep trying to connect with me. I mean,

#516
hell, you're so damn entertaining you just might make some headway.

#517
hell, you're so damn entertaining you just might make some headway.

#518
But still, you might be better served, and this is a crazy notion,

#519
But still, you might be better served, and this is a crazy notion,

#520
if you could stop worrying so much about who does and doesn't notice you.

#521
if you could stop worrying so much about who does and doesn't notice you.

#522
Even for a second - that'd be good.

#523
Even for a second - that'd be good.

#524
That'd be real good.

#525
That'd be real good.

#526
'I think every day -is made up of tiny little tests.'

#527
'I think every day -is made up of tiny little tests.'

#528
'Some are tests of character.'

#529
'Some are tests of character.'

#530
(HORN BEEPS)

#531
(HORN BEEPS)

#532
'Some are tests of fortitude.'

#533
'Others are tests of friendship.'

#534
'Others are tests of friendship.'

#535
-I spoke to my brother today. -Really?

#536
-I spoke to my brother today. -Really?

#537
-Um-hmm. He's having some problems.

#538
-Um-hmm. He's having some problems.

#539
'And if you're lucky, -when it really matters,

#540
'And if you're lucky, -when it really matters,

#541
you'll pass with flying colours.'

#542
Hola, K-dog!

#543
Hola, K-dog!

#544
Yeah, full bar!

#545
Take us to Mexico!

#546
-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#547
-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

Season 2, Episode 4 — My Big Mouth

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