Scrubs

#1
'As a doctor you spend a third of your nights sleeping at the hospital,

#2
'As a doctor you spend a third of your nights sleeping at the hospital,

#3
but, truth be told, not a lot of sleeping actually takes place.'

#4
but, truth be told, not a lot of sleeping actually takes place.'

#5
-Doctor Reid. -I'm not sucking my thumb!

#6
-Mr Rodriguez is coding. (SIGHS)

#7
-Mr Rodriguez is coding. (SIGHS)

#8
-You look pretty.

#9
-You look pretty.

#10
-Oh, thank you!

#11
'You appreciate the little things, -like waking up in your own bed.'

#12
'You appreciate the little things, -like waking up in your own bed.'

#13
'Of course, if there's someone there with you... -Sorry I woke you.

#14
'Of course, if there's someone there with you... -Sorry I woke you.

#15
-I'll live. (BOTH GROAN) -..that's just gravy.'

#16
-I'll live. (BOTH GROAN) -..that's just gravy.'

#17
'Yep, there's nothin' like mornings at home.' -Hey, there, sunshine.

#18
'Yep, there's nothin' like mornings at home.' -Hey, there, sunshine.

#19
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Morning. 'I forgot, Carla is staying with us

#20
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Morning. 'I forgot, Carla is staying with us

#21
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Morning. 'I forgot, Carla is staying with us

#22
while her building is being fumigated.'

#23
-Hey, don't use Rowdy to cover up your giblets! Apologise!

#24
-Can you tell me why we have no milk or orange juice but 40 fruit cups in here?

#25
-Can you tell me why we have no milk or orange juice but 40 fruit cups in here?

#26
-Can you tell me why we have no milk or orange juice but 40 fruit cups in here?

#27
'The average resident owes -over $100,000 in med-school loans and makes as much as a waiter,

#28
'The average resident owes -over $100,000 in med-school loans and makes as much as a waiter,

#29
so you have to do things to make ends meet, like cover someone's shift.'

#30
so you have to do things to make ends meet, like cover someone's shift.'

#31
so you have to do things to make ends meet, like cover someone's shift.'

#32
'Or you can steal stuff from the hospital.'

#33
'Or you can steal stuff from the hospital.'

#34
'Or you can moonlight at an urgent-care centre.'

#35
'Or you can moonlight at an urgent-care centre.'

#36
'Or you can steal stuff.'

#37
'Or you can steal stuff.'

#38
'Or your dad can pay for everything.'

#39
'Or your dad can pay for everything.'

#40
'Or... Well,... you know.'

#41
(Is it clear?!) (Come on!) -Go! Go! Run!

#42
(Is it clear?!) (Come on!) -Go! Go! Run!

#43
(LAUGHS) Whoo-hoo!

#44
(LAUGHS) Whoo-hoo!

#45
-Hold up. -Why? -There's been several thefts.

#46
-Hold up. -Why? -There's been several thefts.

#47
We're doin' bag checks. -Well, what about the guy taking scrubs?

#48
We're doin' bag checks. -Well, what about the guy taking scrubs?

#49
-Hey, Jim. -H-Hey! -He doesn't have a bag.

#50
-Well, go ahead, narc. I'm clean. -Yeah? Ah-hah!

#51
-Well, go ahead, narc. I'm clean. -Yeah? Ah-hah!

#52
-Well, go ahead, narc. I'm clean. -Yeah? Ah-hah!

#53
'Of course,... -if he was checking my trunk...'

#54
'Of course,... -if he was checking my trunk...'

#55
Puddings! Score! -Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

#56
Puddings! Score! -Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

#57
Get me a butterscotch, buddy!

#58
Get me a butterscotch, buddy!

#59
Come on!

#60
Come on!

#61
Wah-haaaaah! (TYRES SCREECH)

#62
Wah-haaaaah! (TYRES SCREECH)

#63
# I can't do this all on my own

#64
# I can't do this all on my own

#65
# No, I know

#66
# I'm no superman

#67
# I'm no superman #

#68
# I'm no superman #

#69
So, I did that cardioversion, I extubated Mrs Bays

#70
So, I did that cardioversion, I extubated Mrs Bays

#71
and I finished all the transfer summaries.

#72
and I finished all the transfer summaries.

#73
-Well, what can I say? You did exceptional work today and I'm proud of you.

#74
-Well, what can I say? You did exceptional work today and I'm proud of you.

#75
'Did he just wink at me?' Is there a problem?

#76
'Did he just wink at me?' Is there a problem?

#77
-I'm just so happy!

#78
-I'm just so happy!

#79
No. No, problem, sir. -Attaboy. And, Laverne,... (SNIFFS)

#80
No. No, problem, sir. -Attaboy. And, Laverne,... (SNIFFS)

#81
..what is that delightful, naught-aye scent you are wearing?

#82
..what is that delightful, naught-aye scent you are wearing?

#83
..what is that delightful, naught-aye scent you are wearing?

#84
-It's called 12-Hour Shift(!)

#85
-It's called 12-Hour Shift(!)

#86
(BANGS) (Ouch!) Yeah, it is.

#87
-Why the hell is he so cheery? -Because I did exceptional work.

#88
-Why the hell is he so cheery? -Because I did exceptional work.

#89
-Hey, babe. -Hey. I ordered the fight on Pay-Per-View,

#90
-Hey, babe. -Hey. I ordered the fight on Pay-Per-View,

#91
got your favourite beer and we are leaving this second.

#92
got your favourite beer and we are leaving this second.

#93
-Hop on, blondie. Come here!

#94
-Hop on, blondie. Come here!

#95
# Oh, Perry gonna get some lovin', Perry gonna get some lovin'

#96
# Oh, Perry gonna get some lovin', Perry gonna get some lovin'

#97
# Oh, Perry gonna get some... #

#98
-Ah-hm.

#99
-Ah-hm.

#100
-Is there one bathroom in this damn place that has toilet paper,

#101
-Is there one bathroom in this damn place that has toilet paper,

#102
or do I have to start carrying around a basket of leaves?!

#103
or do I have to start carrying around a basket of leaves?!

#104
(WHISTLES)

#105
(WHISTLES)

#106
-This is the reason why your headache didn't go away.

#107
-This is the reason why your headache didn't go away.

#108
That's actually pronounced "anelgesic", not "analgesic". Sir, the pills go in your mouth.

#109
That's actually pronounced "anelgesic", not "analgesic". Sir, the pills go in your mouth.

#110
-We're gonna be short another doctor tomorrow night,

#111
so if you've got a friend that wants to pick up an extra 300 bucks...

#112
so if you've got a friend that wants to pick up an extra 300 bucks...

#113
-And they said they'll pay you 200 bucks cash money!

#114
-And they said they'll pay you 200 bucks cash money!

#115
-And they said they'll pay you 200 bucks cash money!

#116
-Sweet! Dude, you are, like, the best friend ever! -Hell, yeah!

#117
-Sweet! Dude, you are, like, the best friend ever! -Hell, yeah!

#118
(SIGHS) -My mother lives with me all year.

#119
(SIGHS) -My mother lives with me all year.

#120
My Aunt Marie has to take care of her for one week and she won't stop bitching!

#121
My Aunt Marie has to take care of her for one week and she won't stop bitching!

#122
-So? My dad's coming into town tomorrow.

#123
-So? My dad's coming into town tomorrow.

#124
-You don't seem that stressed out. -I haven't pooed in six days.

#125
-You don't seem that stressed out. -I haven't pooed in six days.

#126
-Twice this morning and I haven't even had my coffee yet.

#127
-Twice this morning and I haven't even had my coffee yet.

#128
-You really pick odd things to brag about.

#129
-You really pick odd things to brag about.

#130
-If I had to get three by lunch, I probably could. -Hey, guys,

#131
-If I had to get three by lunch, I probably could. -Hey, guys,

#132
gyno girls 12 o'clock.

#133
'Obstetrics and gynaecology -is a specialty that's usually dominated by women.'

#134
'Obstetrics and gynaecology -is a specialty that's usually dominated by women.'

#135
-Doctor Reid, I'm Doctor Gerson.

#136
-Doctor Reid, I'm Doctor Gerson.

#137
Have you had any thoughts about your specialty,

#138
Have you had any thoughts about your specialty,

#139
because we really think you're OBGYN material?

#140
'Being a gyno girl is a lot like -being in a sorority.' (ALL GIGGLE)

#141
'Being a gyno girl is a lot like -being in a sorority.' (ALL GIGGLE)

#142
(SEDUCTIVE MUSIC)

#143
(SEDUCTIVE MUSIC)

#144
-JD, I can't go with Doctor Gerson because I have to help you, right?

#145
-JD, I can't go with Doctor Gerson because I have to help you, right?

#146
-Er, just gimme a second, I'm figuring something out for a patient.

#147
-Er, just gimme a second, I'm figuring something out for a patient.

#148
-I'm glad we all finally experimented with each other,

#149
-I'm glad we all finally experimented with each other,

#150
but I'll never do it again. (ALL) Ah-hm.

#151
but I'll never do it again. (ALL) Ah-hm.

#152
-Dammit! (GROANS)

#153
-Dammit! (GROANS)

#154
-Julie. -Hi, Rob! Good to see you. Hey, Dan!

#155
-Julie. -Hi, Rob! Good to see you. Hey, Dan!

#156
-God, I just hate that every doctor you ever gave a drug sample to

#157
-God, I just hate that every doctor you ever gave a drug sample to

#158
sniffs around you like a pathetic little puppy dog.

#159
sniffs around you like a pathetic little puppy dog.

#160
-I never gave those guys anything. I slept with them. -Oh.

#161
-I never gave those guys anything. I slept with them. -Oh.

#162
Great!

#163
Great!

#164
Those gyno girls are really putting the pressure on.

#165
Those gyno girls are really putting the pressure on.

#166
We must have looked at 100 women's bajingos today. Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo!

#167
We must have looked at 100 women's bajingos today. Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo!

#168
I mean, I can't even look at my own bajingo.

#169
I mean, I can't even look at my own bajingo.

#170
-Is that because it looks like a vagina? (Carla, there's people!)

#171
-Is that because it looks like a vagina? (Carla, there's people!)

#172
I'm gonna stand up to them and say I'm not interested.

#173
I'm gonna stand up to them and say I'm not interested.

#174
-I think you should. (CHUCKLES)

#175
-Sir, why are you laughing? (LAUGHS) Who knows?!

#176
-Sir, why are you laughing? (LAUGHS) Who knows?!

#177
It could be the funny face I made with my peas.

#178
It could be the funny face I made with my peas.

#179
But, gun to my head, I'd say I'm laughing at the notion

#180
But, gun to my head, I'd say I'm laughing at the notion

#181
that you could stand up to anyone. (GASPS)

#182
that you could stand up to anyone. (GASPS)

#183
-There we go. 'Moonlighting sucks -but Turk and I make do.'

#184
-There we go. 'Moonlighting sucks -but Turk and I make do.'

#185
-Now,... will a lollipop put a smile on your face?

#186
-Now,... will a lollipop put a smile on your face?

#187
-How about if Doctor Turk sings Jimmy Crack Corn?

#188
-How about if Doctor Turk sings Jimmy Crack Corn?

#189
Jimmy Crack Corn as Neil Diamond?

#190
Jimmy Crack Corn as Neil Diamond?

#191
-OK. -Hit it. (LAUGHS)

#192
-OK. -Hit it. (LAUGHS)

#193
# Jimmy crack corn

#194
# And I don't care... (CHUCKLES)

#195
# And I don't care... (CHUCKLES)

#196
# Jimmy crack corn...

#197
# Jimmy crack corn...

#198
Hold this for me. # And I don't care

#199
Hold this for me. # And I don't care

#200
# Jimmy crack corn

#201
# Jimmy crack corn

#202
# And I don't ca-a-a-a-a-a-are!

#203
# Uh! #

#204
# Uh! #

#205
(LAUGHS) -Doctor Dorian,

#206
we could use you again tomorrow if you'd like to make another $300.

#207
we could use you again tomorrow if you'd like to make another $300.

#208
-300?

#209
'Luckily for Turk revenge is a dish best served cold.'

#210
'Luckily for Turk revenge is a dish best served cold.'

#211
'Not unlike this tapioca pudding.'

#212
'Not unlike this tapioca pudding.'

#213
-You know, we're zeroing in on the guy that's been stealing stuff. -Oh.

#214
-You know, we're zeroing in on the guy that's been stealing stuff. -Oh.

#215
Well, that's good. -Yep.

#216
Well, that's good. -Yep.

#217
In fact, right now,... I'm dusting for fingerprints.

#218
In fact, right now,... I'm dusting for fingerprints.

#219
-Really? -No, I'm just dustin'.

#220
-Really? -No, I'm just dustin'.

#221
-I've finished those discharge dictations you wanted me to do

#222
-I've finished those discharge dictations you wanted me to do

#223
and I was able to get Mrs Chesky on the transplant list.

#224
and I was able to get Mrs Chesky on the transplant list.

#225
'And here comes the wink!'

#226
'OK, maybe I'll start it off.' -Oh, my God, Sabrina!

#227
'OK, maybe I'll start it off.' -Oh, my God, Sabrina!

#228
'OK, maybe I'll start it off.' -Oh, my God, Sabrina!

#229
You had better tell me that you just had laser-eye surgery

#230
You had better tell me that you just had laser-eye surgery

#231
and they severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up

#232
and they severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up

#233
because you did not just wink at me! -I wink at everybody.

#234
because you did not just wink at me! -I wink at everybody.

#235
Well, hey, Doctor Kelso!

#236
Well, hey, Doctor Kelso!

#237
-Save it for the bathhouses, sport.

#238
'Oh, boy!' -Don't take your anger out on Bambi.

#239
'Oh, boy!' -Don't take your anger out on Bambi.

#240
-I'm not. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff, I'm proud of her commitment to medicine. -Please!

#241
-I'm not. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff, I'm proud of her commitment to medicine. -Please!

#242
-I'm not. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff, I'm proud of her commitment to medicine. -Please!

#243
You've slept with your ex-wife, that student, a nurse, your ex-wife.

#244
You've slept with your ex-wife, that student, a nurse, your ex-wife.

#245
-Would you get off my ex-wife? -I will if you will. (LAUGHS) Dammit!

#246
-Would you get off my ex-wife? -I will if you will. (LAUGHS) Dammit!

#247
Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.

#248
Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.

#249
So, Dad, how are things at home? -Er, good. Good.

#250
So, Dad, how are things at home? -Er, good. Good.

#251
Your mom redid the bedroom again. I'm gonna keep mine the way it is.

#252
Your mom redid the bedroom again. I'm gonna keep mine the way it is.

#253
-Well, you don't wanna be one of those couples that does everything together.

#254
-Well, you don't wanna be one of those couples that does everything together.

#255
(PHONE RINGS) -Sorry. Hello.

#256
(PHONE RINGS) -Sorry. Hello.

#257
-I just wanted you to know, sir, that I faced up to those gyno girls

#258
-I just wanted you to know, sir, that I faced up to those gyno girls

#259
with a very strong and clear, "No thank you." -Yes, I heard about your note.

#260
with a very strong and clear, "No thank you." -Yes, I heard about your note.

#261
-Er, th-th-th-the point is that I'm out.

#262
-Er, th-th-th-the point is that I'm out.

#263
-That was your mom. She said to say... something. -Oh.

#264
-That was your mom. She said to say... something. -Oh.

#265
-So, did Doctor Gerson ever contact you? -You told her to talk to me?

#266
-So, did Doctor Gerson ever contact you? -You told her to talk to me?

#267
-She went to med school with a colleague of mine.

#268
-She went to med school with a colleague of mine.

#269
Come on, I wanna go see the department.

#270
-Paging Doctor Backbone to the Bajingo Ward.

#271
-Paging Doctor Backbone to the Bajingo Ward.

#272
-Paging Doctor Backbone to the Bajingo Ward.

#273
(LAUGHS)

#274
You wanna grab some beers tonight?

#275
You wanna grab some beers tonight?

#276
-I'm moonlighting in urgent care. -The lady didn't call me.

#277
-I'm moonlighting in urgent care. -The lady didn't call me.

#278
-Because I know you stole $100 from me and I Marcia Brady'd your ass!

#279
-Because I know you stole $100 from me and I Marcia Brady'd your ass!

#280
-What? -You know, Marcia was working at the ice-cream shop and she got Jan a job and they liked Jan better,

#281
-What? -You know, Marcia was working at the ice-cream shop and she got Jan a job and they liked Jan better,

#282
-What? -You know, Marcia was working at the ice-cream shop and she got Jan a job and they liked Jan better,

#283
so they fired Marcia. -Marcia Gets Creamed, season five, episode three. Don't ever question me on The Bunch!

#284
so they fired Marcia. -Marcia Gets Creamed, season five, episode three. Don't ever question me on The Bunch!

#285
They don't like you better than me. -I told her that you smoke the ganja!

#286
They don't like you better than me. -I told her that you smoke the ganja!

#287
They don't like you better than me. -I told her that you smoke the ganja!

#288
-What?! That's,... That's not even true! You're a jackass!

#289
-What?! That's,... That's not even true! You're a jackass!

#290
-Where are you goin'?! Munchies?!

#291
-Where are you goin'?! Munchies?!

#292
"Stay tuned for Survivor." -I so don't think so.

#293
"Stay tuned for Survivor." -I so don't think so.

#294
-I was watching that! -I know, but it's my place, so it's house rules.

#295
-I was watching that! -I know, but it's my place, so it's house rules.

#296
Look, I - I - I feel like... I owe you an apology, here. -Really?

#297
Look, I - I - I feel like... I owe you an apology, here. -Really?

#298
For what? -Well, for being so jealous and pissy lately.

#299
For what? -Well, for being so jealous and pissy lately.

#300
I just kinda got hung up on the fact that

#301
I just kinda got hung up on the fact that

#302
you were with, you know, Doctor Jasper, and Doctor Michaels,

#303
you were with, you know, Doctor Jasper, and Doctor Michaels,

#304
and... Doctor Stone. Was it his ear hair?

#305
and... Doctor Stone. Was it his ear hair?

#306
Is that what's so compelling about him? Never mind.

#307
Is that what's so compelling about him? Never mind.

#308
The point is that this relationship is about the present and the future

#309
The point is that this relationship is about the present and the future

#310
and I'm never gonna let anything from our past get in our way again.

#311
and I'm never gonna let anything from our past get in our way again.

#312
Deal? -Deal. -Come here.

#313
(DOOR CLICKS OPEN) -Keys still work.

#314
(DOOR CLICKS OPEN) -Keys still work.

#315
-Excellent.

#316
-Excellent.

#317
Jordan, please, tell me you ate a racoon and it's slowly working its way through your digestive system.

#318
Jordan, please, tell me you ate a racoon and it's slowly working its way through your digestive system.

#319
Jordan, please, tell me you ate a racoon and it's slowly working its way through your digestive system.

#320
-Oh, don't worry, it's not your baby, though not for lack of trying.

#321
-Oh, don't worry, it's not your baby, though not for lack of trying.

#322
See, we have sex a lot. -Who are you?

#323
-Who do you think I am? -Well, you have keys to the apartment,

#324
-Who do you think I am? -Well, you have keys to the apartment,

#325
so I'm gonna say the maid.

#326
so I'm gonna say the maid.

#327
-Oh. -Julie, this is my ex-wife, Jordan.

#328
-Oh. -Julie, this is my ex-wife, Jordan.

#329
Jordan, this is my girlfriend, Julie.

#330
Jordan, this is my girlfriend, Julie.

#331
Shall I call you a cab, or should I just whistle and have the flying monkeys bring the broom around?

#332
Shall I call you a cab, or should I just whistle and have the flying monkeys bring the broom around?

#333
-Oh, no, he called you his girlfriend! If I were you I'd start gathering your tiny panties up

#334
-Oh, no, he called you his girlfriend! If I were you I'd start gathering your tiny panties up

#335
-Oh, no, he called you his girlfriend! If I were you I'd start gathering your tiny panties up

#336
because... I think you're done. -I'm already bored by you.

#337
because... I think you're done. -I'm already bored by you.

#338
Perry, I will be in the bedroom. Come join me when Tubby leaves.

#339
Perry, I will be in the bedroom. Come join me when Tubby leaves.

#340
-Ta.

#341
-Oh, who did that to you?! -Well, I was at this fabulous hotel in Greece,

#342
-Oh, who did that to you?! -Well, I was at this fabulous hotel in Greece,

#343
chock-full of available, wealthy men - -So it was the bellboy?

#344
chock-full of available, wealthy men - -So it was the bellboy?

#345
-Or bus boy, or pool boy. Something boy.

#346
-Or bus boy, or pool boy. Something boy.

#347
Anyway, when I first found out, I was panicked,

#348
Anyway, when I first found out, I was panicked,

#349
and then I thought, "I've been drifting through life

#350
and then I thought, "I've been drifting through life

#351
and I need to look into my heart and see what really matters to me."

#352
and I need to look into my heart and see what really matters to me."

#353
Anyway, I decided to keep the stupid kid. -You should cut out the middleman

#354
Anyway, I decided to keep the stupid kid. -You should cut out the middleman

#355
and have a therapist deliver him. Why are you telling me this?!

#356
and have a therapist deliver him. Why are you telling me this?!

#357
-Oh, because I've also decided that I want you back.

#358
-Oh, because I've also decided that I want you back.

#359
-We got him. And he's gonna pay.

#360
-We got him. And he's gonna pay.

#361
-They're arresting someone for stealing pudding and toilet paper?

#362
-They're arresting someone for stealing pudding and toilet paper?

#363
-No, they found 20 bottles of Vicodin in his backpack.

#364
-No, they found 20 bottles of Vicodin in his backpack.

#365
Did you steal pudding and toilet paper? -What?! No!

#366
Did you steal pudding and toilet paper? -What?! No!

#367
I hate pudding and I don't use toilet paper.

#368
I hate pudding and I don't use toilet paper.

#369
I have one of those French things that shoots water up your butt.

#370
I have one of those French things that shoots water up your butt.

#371
-A bidet? -B'day to you, sir.

#372
-A bidet? -B'day to you, sir.

#373
-I miss you. -I miss you, too.

#374
-I miss you. -I miss you, too.

#375
-I wanted to see you last tonight. -I know, but I caught an EMT shift

#376
-I wanted to see you last tonight. -I know, but I caught an EMT shift

#377
and I was riding around in an ambulance all night.

#378
and I was riding around in an ambulance all night.

#379
-Cool! Did they let you run the siren? -I'm not talkin' to you. And yes.

#380
-Cool! Did they let you run the siren? -I'm not talkin' to you. And yes.

#381
-Quit being a baby! -You stole my job! -You stole my money!

#382
-Quit being a baby! -You stole my job! -You stole my money!

#383
-That was a finder's fee! -Oh, yeah? Well, find this!

#384
-That was a finder's fee! -Oh, yeah? Well, find this!

#385
-You know, you're supposed to grab your crotch when you say that. -Wouldn't that hurt?

#386
-You know, you're supposed to grab your crotch when you say that. -Wouldn't that hurt?

#387
-You know, you're supposed to grab your crotch when you say that. -Wouldn't that hurt?

#388
-So this is where we all hang out. It's neat, huh?

#389
-So this is where we all hang out. It's neat, huh?

#390
-It's a... hellhole.

#391
-It's a... hellhole.

#392
-Dad, why are you so set... on me being an OBGYN?

#393
-Dad, why are you so set... on me being an OBGYN?

#394
-Look, honey, your highest income potential

#395
-Look, honey, your highest income potential

#396
as a female physician is in obstetrics.

#397
-But don't... you think that maybe it's... time

#398
-But don't... you think that maybe it's... time

#399
that you left those sorts of things up to me?

#400
that you left those sorts of things up to me?

#401
-Well, since I paid for your college, your medical school,

#402
-Well, since I paid for your college, your medical school,

#403
your car and now your apartment and all your living expenses,

#404
your car and now your apartment and all your living expenses,

#405
I'd have to say no.

#406
I'd have to say no.

#407
Good God, someone vomited on my hot dog. -It's chilli, Dad, OK?!

#408
Good God, someone vomited on my hot dog. -It's chilli, Dad, OK?!

#409
I appreciate everything that you've given me, but it's my life!

#410
I appreciate everything that you've given me, but it's my life!

#411
So stop complaining and enjoy your damn meal!

#412
So stop complaining and enjoy your damn meal!

#413
(MUMBLES) Oh...! Oh, my God, that's disgusting!

#414
I don't know what to tell you. -Are you ever coming in?

#415
I don't know what to tell you. -Are you ever coming in?

#416
You can join us, but I doubt you'll fit on the bed.

#417
You can join us, but I doubt you'll fit on the bed.

#418
-OK, have one last fling, but I'll be back, and until then everywhere you look, you'll see me.

#419
-OK, have one last fling, but I'll be back, and until then everywhere you look, you'll see me.

#420
-Everywhere anybody looks they'll see you. -Oh, it is so on!

#421
-Everywhere anybody looks they'll see you. -Oh, it is so on!

#422
-Bring it. -Oh, God!

#423
-Bring it. -Oh, God!

#424
# There's something about

#425
# There's something about

#426
# you

#427
# That tears me inside out

#428
# Whenever you're around

#429
# There's something about

#430
# There's something about

#431
# you

#432
# Speedin' through my veins

#433
# And then we hit the ground

#434
# And then we hit the ground

#435
# And there's something about this rush

#436
# And there's something about this rush

#437
# Take it away

#438
# It made me feel so good

#439
# It made me feel so good

#440
# We got a feelin'

#441
# We got a feelin'

#442
# We get a feelin'

#443
# Like we could die

#444
# Like we could die

#445
# Yeah!

#446
# Lover

#447
# Lover

#448
# We just can't get enough

#449
# We just can't get enough

#450
# Lover

#451
# Lover

#452
# We just gotta get it up

#453
# We just gotta get it up

#454
# There's something about... #

#455
# There's something about... #

#456
-Oh, I-I think I'm gonna be sick.

#457
-Oh, I-I think I'm gonna be sick.

#458
Oh, so now you're ignoring me?

#459
Oh, so now you're ignoring me?

#460
-Because of you I gotta ride around in the ambulance all night,

#461
-Because of you I gotta ride around in the ambulance all night,

#462
and you know I get carsick! -Come on. Turk! Turk!

#463
and you know I get carsick! -Come on. Turk! Turk!

#464
-Hey, idiot. (LAUGHS) I said idiot and you looked.

#465
Help me carry this computer into my van. -You can't just take a computer.

#466
Help me carry this computer into my van. -You can't just take a computer.

#467
Help me carry this computer into my van. -You can't just take a computer.

#468
-Help me or we go check out the trunk of your car. -Stay low.

#469
-Help me or we go check out the trunk of your car. -Stay low.

#470
-Look, morning sickness sucks, believe me, I know. I've been there.

#471
-Look, morning sickness sucks, believe me, I know. I've been there.

#472
(SNIFFS) Hey, Jordan are you,... are you crying?

#473
(SNIFFS) Hey, Jordan are you,... are you crying?

#474
-No.

#475
-No.

#476
I don't know. I'm just completely hormonal.

#477
I don't know. I'm just completely hormonal.

#478
I mean, you try going from out-of-control horny

#479
I mean, you try going from out-of-control horny

#480
to clinically depressed six times a day.

#481
-Gimme a break, I can knock that out on the way to work. -Yeah.

#482
-Gimme a break, I can knock that out on the way to work. -Yeah.

#483
-Hey, lady,... I'm proud of what you're doin', here.

#484
-Hey, lady,... I'm proud of what you're doin', here.

#485
-Hey, lady,... I'm proud of what you're doin', here.

#486
-Really? -Yeah, really.

#487
-Thanks.

#488
-Thanks.

#489
Last chance.

#490
Last chance.

#491
Do you want me or not?

#492
Do you want me or not?

#493
-Oh, Jordan, I'm so sorry,

#494
but...

#495
but...

#496
-Forget it. I was kidding.

#497
-Forget it. I was kidding.

#498
I was kidding, really.

#499
Help me up. -Help you up? -Yeah. Use two hands.

#500
Help me up. -Help you up? -Yeah. Use two hands.

#501
-Do you think you could help me out? -Why won't Turk let this go?

#502
-Do you think you could help me out? -Why won't Turk let this go?

#503
-Marie, she's only with you for one week! (ROBOTIC VOICE) Carla!

#504
-Marie, she's only with you for one week! (ROBOTIC VOICE) Carla!

#505
-Marie, she's only with you for one week! (ROBOTIC VOICE) Carla!

#506
-I've got ten messages from my mother, my Aunt Marie won't stop calling me about my mother,

#507
-I've got ten messages from my mother, my Aunt Marie won't stop calling me about my mother,

#508
I gotta put out canned food for my cat, because the dry stuff doesn't cut it any more,

#509
I gotta put out canned food for my cat, because the dry stuff doesn't cut it any more,

#510
I gotta put out canned food for my cat, because the dry stuff doesn't cut it any more,

#511
plus Turk and I can't spend time together because we are working, so we can scrape together enough money

#512
plus Turk and I can't spend time together because we are working, so we can scrape together enough money

#513
to send my mother to a retirement community! What?! -We'll talk later.

#514
to send my mother to a retirement community! What?! -We'll talk later.

#515
'What Carla said made me realise what I had to do.'

#516
'What Carla said made me realise what I had to do.'

#517
-That's it for me! I'm gonna get my stuff and get outta here! -OK!

#518
-That's it for me! I'm gonna get my stuff and get outta here! -OK!

#519
-Aaaaaaaaaaah! -Aaaaaaah! Aaah! (LAUGHS)

#520
-Aaaaaaaaaaah! -Aaaaaaah! Aaah! (LAUGHS)

#521
-What are you doin'?! -She said we.

#522
-What are you doin'?! -She said we.

#523
-What? -Carla, she said we. "We need to scrape some money together."

#524
-What? -Carla, she said we. "We need to scrape some money together."

#525
It wasn't like a "we're dating" we,

#526
It wasn't like a "we're dating" we,

#527
it was like a "we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together" we.

#528
it was like a "we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together" we.

#529
I don't know, man, th-that just seems big to me, you know. -Yeah, I know.

#530
I don't know, man, th-that just seems big to me, you know. -Yeah, I know.

#531
-Can I run the siren?

#532
-Can I run the siren?

#533
(Yeah, alright. Make it quick!)

#534
(Yeah, alright. Make it quick!)

#535
-So you finally stood up to your father?

#536
-Yep. -And he cut you off, no money, no nothing?

#537
-Yep. -And he cut you off, no money, no nothing?

#538
-Pretty much. -Jerk.

#539
-Pretty much. -Jerk.

#540
Wow, this is a big place!

#541
Wow, this is a big place!

#542
-Do you know where I could find some boxes?

#543
-Do you know where I could find some boxes?

#544
-So, is your ex-wife like all-women-are-crazy crazy,

#545
-So, is your ex-wife like all-women-are-crazy crazy,

#546
or more like that-assistant- who-tasered-David-Spade crazy?

#547
or more like that-assistant- who-tasered-David-Spade crazy?

#548
-You gotta try and understand, she's going through a rough time right now.

#549
-You gotta try and understand, she's going through a rough time right now.

#550
I'm the one she's used to leaning on,

#551
I'm the one she's used to leaning on,

#552
which in her current condition is actually causing me more physical pain than it is emotional.

#553
which in her current condition is actually causing me more physical pain than it is emotional.

#554
which in her current condition is actually causing me more physical pain than it is emotional.

#555
But, still,... it sure was silly of her

#556
to try to make me choose between the two of you.

#557
to try to make me choose between the two of you.

#558
-I guess it was a pretty easy decision, huh?

#559
-I guess it was a pretty easy decision, huh?

#560
-Well, when I really had a chance to think about it,

#561
-Well, when I really had a chance to think about it,

#562
it turns out it was the easiest decision I ever made.

#563
it turns out it was the easiest decision I ever made.

#564
I was always gonna wind up with you.

#565
-So the whole vulnerable-crying thing worked, huh?

#566
-So the whole vulnerable-crying thing worked, huh?

#567
-I never had a chance.

#568
-I never had a chance.

#569
-You do realise I'm pregnant, don't you? -Yeah.

#570
-You do realise I'm pregnant, don't you? -Yeah.

#571
They're both for me. -Cheers.

#572
They're both for me. -Cheers.

#573
-You know,... I keep waiting to get sick of pudding

#574
-You know,... I keep waiting to get sick of pudding

#575
but with every cup I love it more. -Me, too.

#576
but with every cup I love it more. -Me, too.

#577
So are you gonna marry her? -Yeah, I think so.

#578
So are you gonna marry her? -Yeah, I think so.

#579
-Wow!

#580
-I'm sorry I ripped you off. -Nah, forget it.

#581
-I'm sorry I ripped you off. -Nah, forget it.

#582
You can keep the 100 bucks. -I was gonna, man.

#583
You can keep the 100 bucks. -I was gonna, man.

#584
I was gonna.

#585
I was gonna.

#586
'I usually don't like -thinkin' about the future.'

#587
'I usually don't like -thinkin' about the future.'

#588
'I mean, let's face it, you can't predict what's gonna happen,...

#589
'I mean, let's face it, you can't predict what's gonna happen,...

#590
..but sometimes the thing you didn't expect

#591
..but sometimes the thing you didn't expect

#592
is what you really wanted after all.'

#593
is what you really wanted after all.'

#594
'Maybe it's best to stop tryin' to figure out where you're goin' and just enjoy where you're at.'

#595
'Maybe it's best to stop tryin' to figure out where you're goin' and just enjoy where you're at.'

#596
-Alright, now, who wants a refill? -I can't afford this place!

#597
-Alright, now, who wants a refill? -I can't afford this place!

#598
-Elliot, I'm $130,000 in debt. You're gonna be alright. (CHUCKLES)

#599
-Elliot, I'm $130,000 in debt. You're gonna be alright. (CHUCKLES)

#600
-Come on, let's dance, stud.

#601
-Come on, let's dance, stud.

#602
-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

Season 2, Episode 8 — My Fruit Cups

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