Scrubs

#1
-Where's Carla? We're gonna miss the previews.

#2
-Where's Carla? We're gonna miss the previews.

#3
-Hey, you're black, right? -Here we go.

#4
-Hey, you're black, right? -Here we go.

#5
-I hate that stereotype that all black people yell at movie screens. Like, you go see some horror flick,

#6
-I hate that stereotype that all black people yell at movie screens. Like, you go see some horror flick,

#7
and you be yelling, "Don't go in there, girl, he behind the doh'!" It's offensive.

#8
and you be yelling, "Don't go in there, girl, he behind the doh'!" It's offensive.

#9
-You wish you were allowed to yell at the screen, don't you?

#10
-You wish you were allowed to yell at the screen, don't you?

#11
-Why does she go in? "He's behind the doh'!"

#12
'It's weird to run into someone from the hospital in the real world.'

#13
'It's weird to run into someone from the hospital in the real world.'

#14
Hey, Dr Kelso. -How are you, sir? -I'm Jim Dandy. Now, unless your pants are made out of Turtle Wax,

#15
Hey, Dr Kelso. -How are you, sir? -I'm Jim Dandy. Now, unless your pants are made out of Turtle Wax,

#16
Hey, Dr Kelso. -How are you, sir? -I'm Jim Dandy. Now, unless your pants are made out of Turtle Wax,

#17
I suggest you get your asses off of Bessy!

#18
I suggest you get your asses off of Bessy!

#19
-Oh, sorry! You needed your car, huh?

#20
'Life is simpler at home. Unless you live with a girl you're crazy about,

#21
'Life is simpler at home. Unless you live with a girl you're crazy about,

#22
and she decided she can't sleep with you, and just wants to be friends.'

#23
and she decided she can't sleep with you, and just wants to be friends.'

#24
-Oh! Great!

#25
Morning, buddy.

#26
Morning, buddy.

#27
-Morning, pal. -I'll just go get dressed and then...

#28
-Morning, pal. -I'll just go get dressed and then...

#29
..we can go to work.

#30
..we can go to work.

#31
'Alright, just relax. -You can totally handle this.'

#32
'Alright, just relax. -You can totally handle this.'

#33
Chop, chop, chop, buddy!

#34
Chop, chop, chop, buddy!

#35
-Told you I could fit in this spot!

#36
-Told you I could fit in this spot!

#37
-You were right. I'll just put this guy's side-view mirror on his roof.

#38
-You were right. I'll just put this guy's side-view mirror on his roof.

#39
-Hey, JD. (GROANS)

#40
-Hey, JD. (GROANS)

#41
Yes. -I wanted to say something, you know, before we go back in there.

#42
Yes. -I wanted to say something, you know, before we go back in there.

#43
-Go ahead. -I understand it's gonna be a bit harder for you to transition into being just friends again.

#44
-Go ahead. -I understand it's gonna be a bit harder for you to transition into being just friends again.

#45
-Why? -Because... you're a guy.

#46
-Why? -Because... you're a guy.

#47
-What does that have to do with anything? -You're right. You know what we should do? Everything I own

#48
-What does that have to do with anything? -You're right. You know what we should do? Everything I own

#49
-What does that have to do with anything? -You're right. You know what we should do? Everything I own

#50
is in this truck, including my bed. We should get in

#51
is in this truck, including my bed. We should get in

#52
and have sex one last time - just get it out of our system.

#53
and have sex one last time - just get it out of our system.

#54
JD, I was kidding to prove a point.

#55
JD, I was kidding to prove a point.

#56
-I know.

#57
Oh, yeah. This is how you like it!

#58
Oh, yeah. This is how you like it!

#59
# I can't do this all on my own

#60
# I can't do this all on my own

#61
# No, I know I'm no Superman

#62
# No, I know I'm no Superman

#63
# I'm no Superman #

#64
# I'm no Superman #

#65
-Hey! -Hey!

#66
-See? This is good. I don't feel weird. -I don't feel weird.

#67
-See? This is good. I don't feel weird. -I don't feel weird.

#68
-I feel weird.

#69
-I feel weird.

#70
'Tell her the truth - -you're crazy about her!'

#71
Look, Elliot - -Ah, damn! I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I?

#72
Look, Elliot - -Ah, damn! I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I?

#73
That wonderful time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet,

#74
That wonderful time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet,

#75
That wonderful time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet,

#76
elbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy! You can tell Uncle Coxie about the naught-aye!

#77
elbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy! You can tell Uncle Coxie about the naught-aye!

#78
-Dr Cox, I lost my apartment, and so I was needing a place to stay.

#79
-Dr Cox, I lost my apartment, and so I was needing a place to stay.

#80
-Dr Cox, I lost my apartment, and so I was needing a place to stay.

#81
-So you went to your "friend's" house and cried on his shoulder. Boo-hoo!

#82
-So you went to your "friend's" house and cried on his shoulder. Boo-hoo!

#83
And you comforted her cos she was weak and vulnerable and blah,... blah,... blah... Nerdy sex.

#84
And you comforted her cos she was weak and vulnerable and blah,... blah,... blah... Nerdy sex.

#85
The end. Dear Lord, Laverne, how do you listen to this crap all day long?

#86
The end. Dear Lord, Laverne, how do you listen to this crap all day long?

#87
-Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories. -You are so right!

#88
-Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories. -You are so right!

#89
-Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories. -You are so right!

#90
-Dude, what are her boobs like? -Todd, I'm standing right here!

#91
-Dude, what are her boobs like? -Todd, I'm standing right here!

#92
-I'm sorry, what are your boobs like?

#93
-I'm sorry, what are your boobs like?

#94
-Oh, joy of joys, Mr Corman, you've joined us yet again.

#95
-Oh, joy of joys, Mr Corman, you've joined us yet again.

#96
What imaginary disease is ailing you this time?

#97
What imaginary disease is ailing you this time?

#98
-He thinks he has the Yaba virus. -Your hair got longer, and I don't appreciate your tone.

#99
-He thinks he has the Yaba virus. -Your hair got longer, and I don't appreciate your tone.

#100
-He thinks he has the Yaba virus. -Your hair got longer, and I don't appreciate your tone.

#101
-Last month, you had familial Mediterranean fever.

#102
-Last month, you had familial Mediterranean fever.

#103
-I was at Kelly Papadopoulos' wedding. I share a glass of ouzo with this guy. 20 minutes later,

#104
-I was at Kelly Papadopoulos' wedding. I share a glass of ouzo with this guy. 20 minutes later,

#105
I'm in a cab, I gotta ask the guy to pull over because I'm gonna explode

#106
I'm in a cab, I gotta ask the guy to pull over because I'm gonna explode

#107
in some rose garden! Now, what would you think!?

#108
in some rose garden! Now, what would you think!?

#109
-You got yourself a bad case of the wish-you-were-sicks.

#110
-You got yourself a bad case of the wish-you-were-sicks.

#111
-Yeah, well, I read the symptoms on the internet, OK? I have Yaba!

#112
-Yeah, well, I read the symptoms on the internet, OK? I have Yaba!

#113
-Would you say you've been in contact with many primates this year?

#114
-Would you say you've been in contact with many primates this year?

#115
-I have been to the zoo. -And while you were there,

#116
-I have been to the zoo. -And while you were there,

#117
did you jump into the cage and play toss the poop with the other monkeys? Because if you did,

#118
did you jump into the cage and play toss the poop with the other monkeys? Because if you did,

#119
did you jump into the cage and play toss the poop with the other monkeys? Because if you did,

#120
you just might have Yaba, but if that's the case, it would be way down on the list of your problems.

#121
you just might have Yaba, but if that's the case, it would be way down on the list of your problems.

#122
Give him a full work-up. -OK, you know the drill.

#123
Give him a full work-up. -OK, you know the drill.

#124
Here are my vitals. Here is the mountain dew. I'm just kidding,

#125
Here are my vitals. Here is the mountain dew. I'm just kidding,

#126
that's my urine sample. And you can start timing.

#127
that's my urine sample. And you can start timing.

#128
Now... So, how you been doing? Still seeing that surgeon?

#129
Now... So, how you been doing? Still seeing that surgeon?

#130
-No talking.

#131
-No talking.

#132
OK! Vision perfect. -Are you trying to make time with my best girl?!

#133
OK! Vision perfect. -Are you trying to make time with my best girl?!

#134
OK! Vision perfect. -Are you trying to make time with my best girl?!

#135
Now,... how do you feel after surgery on your...

#136
Now,... how do you feel after surgery on your...

#137
-Brain. -..Brain? -Mrs Kay is doing great, but after this procedure,

#138
-Brain. -..Brain? -Mrs Kay is doing great, but after this procedure,

#139
people suffer diminished reaction time. -Christopher, come here.

#140
people suffer diminished reaction time. -Christopher, come here.

#141
-Hmm? -Maybe you should worry about your own reaction time!

#142
-Hmm? -Maybe you should worry about your own reaction time!

#143
-Hmm? -Maybe you should worry about your own reaction time!

#144
-Now, do you have a ride home today, dear?

#145
-Now, do you have a ride home today, dear?

#146
-I drove myself. -Well, it always warms my heart to see your face!

#147
-I drove myself. -Well, it always warms my heart to see your face!

#148
I don't care what the old bat says - I doubt she can back out of her own driveway.

#149
I don't care what the old bat says - I doubt she can back out of her own driveway.

#150
Tell her you're calling the DMV and having her license revoked. -Why don't you tell her, sir?

#151
Tell her you're calling the DMV and having her license revoked. -Why don't you tell her, sir?

#152
Tell her you're calling the DMV and having her license revoked. -Why don't you tell her, sir?

#153
-Cos she's my friend! Don't be insensitive, son. It's ugly on you.

#154
-Cos she's my friend! Don't be insensitive, son. It's ugly on you.

#155
-I can't take this old lady's driver's licence from her. She reminds me of my Gram-Gram.

#156
-I can't take this old lady's driver's licence from her. She reminds me of my Gram-Gram.

#157
-I can't take this old lady's driver's licence from her. She reminds me of my Gram-Gram.

#158
-Get someone else from surgery to. -Like who?

#159
# "Eye of the Tiger" - Survivor

#160
# "Eye of the Tiger" - Survivor

#161
-You want this? Want this? Psych!

#162
-Never mind. -Hi, JD. -Oh, hey, Lisa.

#163
-Never mind. -Hi, JD. -Oh, hey, Lisa.

#164
-Dude, the gift-shop chick... Did you ever (SQUEAKS)?

#165
-Dude, the gift-shop chick... Did you ever (SQUEAKS)?

#166
-Turk! Elliot's right here!

#167
-Why would I care? -I'm sorry. I guess when I was passing by JD's room

#168
-Why would I care? -I'm sorry. I guess when I was passing by JD's room

#169
-Why would I care? -I'm sorry. I guess when I was passing by JD's room

#170
the other night, he was telling a different Dr Reid not to stop!

#171
the other night, he was telling a different Dr Reid not to stop!

#172
-"Oh, Dr Reid!" Sweet! -You guys, this conversation

#173
-"Oh, Dr Reid!" Sweet! -You guys, this conversation

#174
is starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable, OK?

#175
is starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable, OK?

#176
And I'm sure "Dr Reid" feels the same way.

#177
-No, I don't. You can (SQUEAKS) with anyone that you want.

#178
-No, I don't. You can (SQUEAKS) with anyone that you want.

#179
-No, I don't. You can (SQUEAKS) with anyone that you want.

#180
'She wants to play chicken, huh? -Buckle-up, missy!'

#181
'She wants to play chicken, huh? -Buckle-up, missy!'

#182
Maybe I'll ask Lisa out again. -You should. -Maybe I will.

#183
-Cool. -Good.

#184
-Cool. -Good.

#185
-Take it home. -That's what I'll do. -Let me know how it goes.

#186
-Take it home. -That's what I'll do. -Let me know how it goes.

#187
-Fine, but I am taking my own car so I can escape in case you turn into a freak again. -It's a date!

#188
-Fine, but I am taking my own car so I can escape in case you turn into a freak again. -It's a date!

#189
-Fine, but I am taking my own car so I can escape in case you turn into a freak again. -It's a date!

#190
-The guy's here 1,000 times a year, and every second I'm with him,

#191
-The guy's here 1,000 times a year, and every second I'm with him,

#192
it's time away from somebody I could help.

#193
it's time away from somebody I could help.

#194
-What do you want me to do? -Follow my lead.

#195
Alas, Mr Corman, shockingly, all your labs have come back and they're negative for... everything.

#196
Alas, Mr Corman, shockingly, all your labs have come back and they're negative for... everything.

#197
-Oh, c'mon! -OK, I'll tell you what... You have suggested

#198
-Oh, c'mon! -OK, I'll tell you what... You have suggested

#199
that you're feeling rather tired lately, haven't you?

#200
that you're feeling rather tired lately, haven't you?

#201
-I'm listening. -And that you bruise easily.

#202
-I'm listening. -And that you bruise easily.

#203
-Like an old banana. -For the record, I think you're fine,

#204
-Like an old banana. -For the record, I think you're fine,

#205
but if you'd like, we can go ahead and check your bone marrow.

#206
but if you'd like, we can go ahead and check your bone marrow.

#207
That would mean sticking an enormous needle all the way through your hip

#208
That would mean sticking an enormous needle all the way through your hip

#209
and it's very, very excruciatingly painful. Right, Carla? -Yes.

#210
and it's very, very excruciatingly painful. Right, Carla? -Yes.

#211
-Thank you. What's it gonna be, champ? Head home and get some rest,

#212
-Thank you. What's it gonna be, champ? Head home and get some rest,

#213
or an afternoon of senseless,...

#214
or an afternoon of senseless,...

#215
..mind-numbing agony?!

#216
..mind-numbing agony?!

#217
-Oh, what the hell!

#218
I'll take the giant hip needle!

#219
I'll take the giant hip needle!

#220
'Alright, there's no-one around. Time -to tell her how you really feel.'

#221
'Alright, there's no-one around. Time -to tell her how you really feel.'

#222
You know, Elliot - -What's up medical dogs?

#223
You know, Elliot - -What's up medical dogs?

#224
'OK, you're smarter than him. Think -of something to get him outta here.'

#225
'OK, you're smarter than him. Think -of something to get him outta here.'

#226
Hey, Todd.

#227
Hey, Todd.

#228
-What the hell? Did you just throw something out into the hall?

#229
-What the hell? Did you just throw something out into the hall?

#230
-So anyway, Elliot - -Hey, I found an apartment!

#231
-So anyway, Elliot - -Hey, I found an apartment!

#232
-Great! You know, but there's no rush for you to move out.

#233
-Great! You know, but there's no rush for you to move out.

#234
-What are we gonna do, just live with each other forever and any time

#235
-What are we gonna do, just live with each other forever and any time

#236
we feel lonely, hop into bed and have hot sex? -That'd be stupid(!)

#237
we feel lonely, hop into bed and have hot sex? -That'd be stupid(!)

#238
-We're human. Staying in that situation would be a big mistake. -I know.

#239
-We're human. Staying in that situation would be a big mistake. -I know.

#240
'Sometimes when you're down, you take it out on the wrong person.'

#241
'Sometimes when you're down, you take it out on the wrong person.'

#242
Going on vacation? -I get it! I'm a janitor,

#243
Going on vacation? -I get it! I'm a janitor,

#244
so when I pack for vacation, I just pack cleaning supplies. That's funny(!) -I thought so.

#245
so when I pack for vacation, I just pack cleaning supplies. That's funny(!) -I thought so.

#246
-Actually, I'm going to speak at my son's career day.

#247
-Actually, I'm going to speak at my son's career day.

#248
-About... being a janitor? -You think there aren't kids that want to grow up to make the world sparkle?

#249
-About... being a janitor? -You think there aren't kids that want to grow up to make the world sparkle?

#250
-About... being a janitor? -You think there aren't kids that want to grow up to make the world sparkle?

#251
-I-I didn't mean it that way. I... -How did you mean it?

#252
-I-I didn't mean it that way. I... -How did you mean it?

#253
-Look!

#254
-Look!

#255
-What the hell are you doing?

#256
-Dr Kelso, all I'm saying is that Mrs Kay looks like she's in great shape!

#257
-Dr Kelso, all I'm saying is that Mrs Kay looks like she's in great shape!

#258
-My God, son, the woman is recovering from major surgery on her...

#259
-My God, son, the woman is recovering from major surgery on her...

#260
-Brain. -Why do I keep blanking on that?

#261
-Brain. -Why do I keep blanking on that?

#262
Now, son, give me the real skinny - did you pull her licence or not?

#263
Now, son, give me the real skinny - did you pull her licence or not?

#264
-Yes, sir, I did.

#265
-Yes, sir, I did.

#266
(SCREAMS)

#267
OK, I didn't tell her yet, sir, but I swear I was gonna!

#268
OK, I didn't tell her yet, sir, but I swear I was gonna!

#269
-So, Mr Corman, how'd that go for you? -Horrible pain.

#270
-So, Mr Corman, how'd that go for you? -Horrible pain.

#271
I made sounds like a dolphin giving birth. -Dr Cox, I think you should look at Mr Corman's chart.

#272
I made sounds like a dolphin giving birth. -Dr Cox, I think you should look at Mr Corman's chart.

#273
I made sounds like a dolphin giving birth. -Dr Cox, I think you should look at Mr Corman's chart.

#274
-What's he got, scurvy? There's no chance

#275
-What's he got, scurvy? There's no chance

#276
you were on a ship in the 1700s, is there?! -Just look at the chart!

#277
you were on a ship in the 1700s, is there?! -Just look at the chart!

#278
-What is it?

#279
-You're sick.

#280
-Really?

#281
-Really?

#282
-Really.

#283
-Oh.

#284
-Oh.

#285
'I feel like if I could -get out of this place, and get away from Elliot for a while,

#286
'I feel like if I could -get out of this place, and get away from Elliot for a while,

#287
'I feel like if I could -get out of this place, and get away from Elliot for a while,

#288
I could regroup. But sometimes that's not easy.'

#289
I could regroup. But sometimes that's not easy.'

#290
-My truck was right there. -Where is it now?

#291
-My truck was right there. -Where is it now?

#292
-You'd have to ask the guys who stole it.

#293
-You'd have to ask the guys who stole it.

#294
Everything I own was in that truck!

#295
Everything I own was in that truck!

#296
JD, I don't know what I'm gonna do!

#297
JD, I don't know what I'm gonna do!

#298
-Wow! (HORN BLARES)

#299
Gotta go. Good luck.

#300
Tally ho!

#301
Tally ho!

#302
-She was going, like, 35mph. All you saw was, like, knuckles and a bun.

#303
-She was going, like, 35mph. All you saw was, like, knuckles and a bun.

#304
Poor Bessy, man! -What kind of grown man still names his car?

#305
Poor Bessy, man! -What kind of grown man still names his car?

#306
-You do. -Yeah, I've had Malik since I was 17. That's totally different.

#307
-You do. -Yeah, I've had Malik since I was 17. That's totally different.

#308
Don't worry about Kelso. His wife can drive him.

#309
Don't worry about Kelso. His wife can drive him.

#310
-His wife hates him.

#311
-Aarrgh!

#312
-Aarrgh!

#313
-Morning, skipper.

#314
I'm so dead!

#315
-Mr Corman,...

#316
-Mr Corman,...

#317
..I'm afraid you have Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia.

#318
..I'm afraid you have Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia.

#319
It is a very rare form of... of cancer.

#320
It is a very rare form of... of cancer.

#321
-Yeah,...

#322
..I think I had that in college once.

#323
..I think I had that in college once.

#324
-This is Dr Zeltzer. He is the finest oncologist we have on staff.

#325
-This is Dr Zeltzer. He is the finest oncologist we have on staff.

#326
-Really? You think so?

#327
-Really? You think so?

#328
-Yeah, I do. -Thank you!

#329
-Yeah, I do. -Thank you!

#330
-So where do we start? -Well, er,... first off, we need to... Better than Leventhal?

#331
-So where do we start? -Well, er,... first off, we need to... Better than Leventhal?

#332
-Leventhal's a quack. You're the guy.

#333
-Leventhal's a quack. You're the guy.

#334
You're the man. You can do it! -Bless you.

#335
You're the man. You can do it! -Bless you.

#336
That was some catch! The patient shows no symptoms -

#337
That was some catch! The patient shows no symptoms -

#338
you call for a bone-marrow biopsy? What made you think to do that?

#339
you call for a bone-marrow biopsy? What made you think to do that?

#340
-He was unbelievably annoying, and I wanted to scare him so bad that he'd never come back in my hospital.

#341
-He was unbelievably annoying, and I wanted to scare him so bad that he'd never come back in my hospital.

#342
-Oh, don't worry, Dr Zeltzer! He's only kidding!

#343
-Oh, don't worry, Dr Zeltzer! He's only kidding!

#344
-Stupid! See, that's where Leventhal has the edge - he would've got that.

#345
-Stupid! See, that's where Leventhal has the edge - he would've got that.

#346
-Stupid! See, that's where Leventhal has the edge - he would've got that.

#347
The man is hilarious. Of course, he wouldn't be laughing so hard

#348
The man is hilarious. Of course, he wouldn't be laughing so hard

#349
if he knew I was sleeping with his wife.

#350
if he knew I was sleeping with his wife.

#351
(WHISTLES)

#352
-I don't know. I didn't know it was just your thing.

#353
-I don't know. I didn't know it was just your thing.

#354
-What? -Nothing!

#355
-What? -Nothing!

#356
-Then what's with the look? -I have a crick in my neck. Since I no longer

#357
-Then what's with the look? -I have a crick in my neck. Since I no longer

#358
have any furniture, I had to sleep in my tub. Oh, how was your date?

#359
have any furniture, I had to sleep in my tub. Oh, how was your date?

#360
-Italian people are really good at making sauce. -Hmmm.

#361
-Italian people are really good at making sauce. -Hmmm.

#362
-Fantastic! -You're such an ass!

#363
-Fantastic! -You're such an ass!

#364
-Could you speak up? Mr Roberts doesn't hear well. -If you're looking for beeswax, it's not here, OK?

#365
-Could you speak up? Mr Roberts doesn't hear well. -If you're looking for beeswax, it's not here, OK?

#366
-Now she all mad. -I needed your help last night and you bailed on me.

#367
-Now she all mad. -I needed your help last night and you bailed on me.

#368
-Now she all mad. -I needed your help last night and you bailed on me.

#369
-You drew all these lines up - said that we're not in a relationship now.

#370
-You drew all these lines up - said that we're not in a relationship now.

#371
-JD, I wasn't looking for a boyfriend last night.

#372
-JD, I wasn't looking for a boyfriend last night.

#373
I was looking for a friend.

#374
-Guess she told him.

#375
-Guess she told him.

#376
Gotta go.

#377
Gotta go.

#378
-Ow! -I was thinking about what you said,

#379
-Ow! -I was thinking about what you said,

#380
and you're right - kids don't want to hear about being a janitor.

#381
and you're right - kids don't want to hear about being a janitor.

#382
-I never said that. -It's OK, cos instead, I'm gonna be a doctor.

#383
-I never said that. -It's OK, cos instead, I'm gonna be a doctor.

#384
I borrowed some stuff from your locker - our locker - and, erm,...

#385
I borrowed some stuff from your locker - our locker - and, erm,...

#386
..if I don't get it back to you in, like, two days, consider it gone.

#387
..if I don't get it back to you in, like, two days, consider it gone.

#388
-Dr Kelso, I am so sorry. Mrs Kay said she was feeling fine,

#389
and I believed her. -Follow me.

#390
and I believed her. -Follow me.

#391
Son, have you used drugs in the last 48 hours?

#392
Son, have you used drugs in the last 48 hours?

#393
-No, sir, I never use drugs.

#394
-No, sir, I never use drugs.

#395
-This shot you're about to get could kill you if mixed with narcotics. -Oh, drugs! Yes, sir, all the time.

#396
-This shot you're about to get could kill you if mixed with narcotics. -Oh, drugs! Yes, sir, all the time.

#397
-See? Waiting for the tox-screen - six hours. Frightening the bejeebies out of local riff-raff - 10 seconds.

#398
-See? Waiting for the tox-screen - six hours. Frightening the bejeebies out of local riff-raff - 10 seconds.

#399
-See? Waiting for the tox-screen - six hours. Frightening the bejeebies out of local riff-raff - 10 seconds.

#400
Everybody lies, whether it's that doobie brother in there,

#401
Everybody lies, whether it's that doobie brother in there,

#402
or, say, me when I tell my son he can still live at the house after he graduates from art school.

#403
or, say, me when I tell my son he can still live at the house after he graduates from art school.

#404
And by the way, sport, Mrs Kay doesn't have any grandchildren.

#405
And by the way, sport, Mrs Kay doesn't have any grandchildren.

#406
-I'm still a virgin. -You're pregnant!

#407
-I'm still a virgin. -You're pregnant!

#408
-Again?!

#409
-Again?!

#410
-Since the by-pass, Doc, nothing but salads!

#411
-Since the by-pass, Doc, nothing but salads!

#412
-Look, it was an accident. My flashlight didn't have any batteries.

#413
-Look, it was an accident. My flashlight didn't have any batteries.

#414
-So you decided to put your penis in there?

#415
-So you decided to put your penis in there?

#416
-Mr Corman, great news! Dr Zeltzer and I have gone over your results and the prognosis is excellent.

#417
-Mr Corman, great news! Dr Zeltzer and I have gone over your results and the prognosis is excellent.

#418
-Mr Corman, great news! Dr Zeltzer and I have gone over your results and the prognosis is excellent.

#419
-That's great. -Yeah, it is. -But you know what?

#420
-That's great. -Yeah, it is. -But you know what?

#421
You can pat yourself on the back all you want, but I'm not an idiot.

#422
You can pat yourself on the back all you want, but I'm not an idiot.

#423
I know that you were screwing with me - that I come in here sometimes,

#424
I know that you were screwing with me - that I come in here sometimes,

#425
thinking I'm sick when I'm not. Remember - if I didn't have cancer,

#426
thinking I'm sick when I'm not. Remember - if I didn't have cancer,

#427
I could've been some guy looking for help that you treated like crap.

#428
I could've been some guy looking for help that you treated like crap.

#429
-Yeah.

#430
-Yeah.

#431
-This whole thing has given mean ulcer! -You wanna be tested for that, don't you?

#432
-This whole thing has given mean ulcer! -You wanna be tested for that, don't you?

#433
-This whole thing has given mean ulcer! -You wanna be tested for that, don't you?

#434
-Do you mind?

#435
-Hey, er,... Elliot...

#436
Look, you were right, I-I should have been there for you last night.

#437
Look, you were right, I-I should have been there for you last night.

#438
-Thanks.

#439
-Thanks.

#440
-And sorry you lost all your things. That sucks. How you holding up?

#441
-And sorry you lost all your things. That sucks. How you holding up?

#442
-You know, it was just stuff - I'm fine!

#443
-You know, it was just stuff - I'm fine!

#444
This is good. It feels like we've turned a corner, you know?

#445
This is good. It feels like we've turned a corner, you know?

#446
'Throw her down on that gurney -and mount her like a lion!' I know!

#447
'Throw her down on that gurney -and mount her like a lion!' I know!

#448
-Why didn't you stop me?

#449
-Why didn't you stop me?

#450
-What? -Why did you let me harass that guy?

#451
-What? -Why did you let me harass that guy?

#452
-You think the fact that you got annoyed and became insensitive with another human is my fault?

#453
-You think the fact that you got annoyed and became insensitive with another human is my fault?

#454
-You think the fact that you got annoyed and became insensitive with another human is my fault?

#455
-Yeah! Lookit, whenever I'm about to do some stupid-assed stuff,

#456
-Yeah! Lookit, whenever I'm about to do some stupid-assed stuff,

#457
you're the one who calls me on it, and you're the one who makes me stop. That's the way it works.

#458
you're the one who calls me on it, and you're the one who makes me stop. That's the way it works.

#459
That's the way it's worked for years... Just what happened to that?

#460
That's the way it's worked for years... Just what happened to that?

#461
-I guess I just don't get as good a read on you as I used to. Maybe all that therapy has changed you.

#462
-I guess I just don't get as good a read on you as I used to. Maybe all that therapy has changed you.

#463
-I guess I just don't get as good a read on you as I used to. Maybe all that therapy has changed you.

#464
-Oh, please! I'm crazier than ever! Lookit, during this entire conversation,

#465
-Oh, please! I'm crazier than ever! Lookit, during this entire conversation,

#466
I've been imagining myself sitting on a throne between us, watching all of this.

#467
I've been imagining myself sitting on a throne between us, watching all of this.

#468
I've been imagining myself sitting on a throne between us, watching all of this.

#469
-Maybe we're just not as close as we used to be.

#470
-Maybe we're just not as close as we used to be.

#471
So, you're just, like, right here, watching us?

#472
So, you're just, like, right here, watching us?

#473
-Er,... other side.

#474
Mmm.

#475
I'm invisible to the naked eye.

#476
I'm invisible to the naked eye.

#477
-Of course!

#478
-Of course!

#479
-Why so sad, chocolate bear?

#480
-I just don't feel like going back to that hospital, you know?

#481
-I just don't feel like going back to that hospital, you know?

#482
-Yeah... Is my breath OK? I think Lisa and I actually might try talking tonight.

#483
-Yeah... Is my breath OK? I think Lisa and I actually might try talking tonight.

#484
-Yeah... Is my breath OK? I think Lisa and I actually might try talking tonight.

#485
-Dude, that whole damned building is packed with liars! -It is not.

#486
-Dude, that whole damned building is packed with liars! -It is not.

#487
-Well, if the cut was that deep, I'd probably just, er,... pull your arm off.

#488
-Well, if the cut was that deep, I'd probably just, er,... pull your arm off.

#489
Once again, Doctor...

#490
Once again, Doctor...

#491
..Jan Itor...

#492
..Jan Itor...

#493
Dr Jan Itor.

#494
-Yeah, maybe. But, we're doctors. I mean, that comes with the territory.

#495
-Yeah, maybe. But, we're doctors. I mean, that comes with the territory.

#496
Some patients just don't tell the truth.

#497
-Well, I don't get why people have to do that. -I don't know...

#498
-Well, I don't get why people have to do that. -I don't know...

#499
Maybe it's cos they're proud. Maybe it's cos they're scared...

#500
Maybe it's cos they're proud. Maybe it's cos they're scared...

#501
-You know what? It was just stuff - I'm fine!

#502
-You know what? It was just stuff - I'm fine!

#503
-Maybe it's because telling the truth would make them feel too vulnerable.

#504
-Maybe it's because telling the truth would make them feel too vulnerable.

#505
-I guess. Dude, you're gonna be late for gift-shop girl.

#506
-I guess. Dude, you're gonna be late for gift-shop girl.

#507
-Oh, my God!

#508
-Oh, my God!

#509
'There are a few things I've always believed in.'

#510
'There are a few things I've always believed in.'

#511
'Flowers are good for any occasion.'

#512
'And nothing is more important than making time for an old friend.'

#513
'And nothing is more important than making time for an old friend.'

#514
'Especially if the old girl's seen better days.'

#515
'Especially if the old girl's seen better days.'

#516
(SOBS)

#517
(SOBS)

#518
'Cos even if it breaks your heart -to be "just friends",

#519
'Cos even if it breaks your heart -to be "just friends",

#520
if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit.'

#521
if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit.'

#522
-It wasn't just stuff!

#523
It was all of my yearbooks and this little pink blanket

#524
It was all of my yearbooks and this little pink blanket

#525
that my grandmother had crocheted for me,...

#526
that my grandmother had crocheted for me,...

#527
..and... all of my first love letters!

#528
..and... all of my first love letters!

#529
(SOBS)

#530
And my shoes!

#531
-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

Season 2, Episode 12 — My New Old Friend

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