Scrubs

#1
-I still can't believe you guys are getting married.

#2
-I still can't believe you guys are getting married.

#3
-I know! All my girlfriends think I'm crazy.

#4
-I know! All my girlfriends think I'm crazy.

#5
About you because you're so damn cute.

#6
About you because you're so damn cute.

#7
-Good save. Thank you very much for coming out tonight, guys.

#8
-Good save. Thank you very much for coming out tonight, guys.

#9
-This is the only way to celebrate, right? With close friends and...

#10
-This is the only way to celebrate, right? With close friends and...

#11
..Nurse Roberts. -Don't get all pissy now. You said, "My treat, order whatever you want."

#12
..Nurse Roberts. -Don't get all pissy now. You said, "My treat, order whatever you want."

#13
You didn't say, "Order whatever you want except the lobster." -I said no shellfish.

#14
You didn't say, "Order whatever you want except the lobster." -I said no shellfish.

#15
'I wasn't really mad. This was great, except for one thing...'

#16
'I wasn't really mad. This was great, except for one thing...'

#17
-You can't celebrate without beer. -Right!

#18
-You can't celebrate without beer. -Right!

#19
'Sure, Paul was dating Elliot, but -luckily I'm not the jealous type.'

#20
'Sure, Paul was dating Elliot, but -luckily I'm not the jealous type.'

#21
Well, I'll go ahead and make a little toast here.

#22
Well, I'll go ahead and make a little toast here.

#23
A toast that only people that have known Turk and Carla more than a week

#24
A toast that only people that have known Turk and Carla more than a week

#25
will understand.

#26
will understand.

#27
You guys rock... You do.

#28
You guys rock... You do.

#29
'How's that taste, blondie?' -I've just gotten to know you as a couple

#30
'How's that taste, blondie?' -I've just gotten to know you as a couple

#31
but you remind me of my grandparents.

#32
but you remind me of my grandparents.

#33
They were married for 65 years, and every night before they walked

#34
They were married for 65 years, and every night before they walked

#35
round the block, he would look deep in her eyes as if to say,

#36
"I'd follow you anywhere." The way you two just looked at each other,

#37
"I'd follow you anywhere." The way you two just looked at each other,

#38
I could have sworn I was looking at them.

#39
-Lame! (This guy!)

#40
-Lame! (This guy!)

#41
Morning, Dr Kelso. -How is it this whole hospital gets up in arms

#42
Morning, Dr Kelso. -How is it this whole hospital gets up in arms

#43
every time our MRI machine misses a tumour, but every morning

#44
every time our MRI machine misses a tumour, but every morning

#45
our lousy coffee machine spits out warm urine and nobody gives a hoot?

#46
our lousy coffee machine spits out warm urine and nobody gives a hoot?

#47
our lousy coffee machine spits out warm urine and nobody gives a hoot? -Did we miss another tumour?

#48
-Who cares? I have to cross the street for coffee that puts a hop in your step and your ass in the john.

#49
-Who cares? I have to cross the street for coffee that puts a hop in your step and your ass in the john.

#50
-Who cares? I have to cross the street for coffee that puts a hop in your step and your ass in the john.

#51
-I wish I knew why it hurt so much. -It could be because it's damp out.

#52
-I wish I knew why it hurt so much. -It could be because it's damp out.

#53
It could also be because four days ago I sliced your chest open

#54
It could also be because four days ago I sliced your chest open

#55
with a giant knife. You had surgery, buddy. You'll be fine.

#56
with a giant knife. You had surgery, buddy. You'll be fine.

#57
Hey, Dr Dorian, I have a couple of minutes off. Would you like me

#58
Hey, Dr Dorian, I have a couple of minutes off. Would you like me

#59
to show you that new technique? -Yes, Doctor.

#60
to show you that new technique? -Yes, Doctor.

#61
-See, now, what you wanna do is choke up on the club like this.

#62
-See, now, what you wanna do is choke up on the club like this.

#63
And then hit this bad boy like a baseball.

#64
And then hit this bad boy like a baseball.

#65
-You can't teach that.

#66
-You can't teach that.

#67
You can't teach that. -No, you cannot, my friend.

#68
-So, what was up with Mr Simms' back?

#69
-So, what was up with Mr Simms' back?

#70
-During his open lung biopsy, I nicked his intercostal artery

#71
-During his open lung biopsy, I nicked his intercostal artery

#72
and now he's got a haematoma. -You gonna tell him?

#73
and now he's got a haematoma. -You gonna tell him?

#74
-And risk a law suit - are you crazy? Besides. it'll heal just fine.

#75
-And risk a law suit - are you crazy? Besides. it'll heal just fine.

#76
Hey, throw me another ball.

#77
-Yeah, but don't you believe in bad karma? -No.

#78
-Yeah, but don't you believe in bad karma? -No.

#79
-Hot cup of lava coming through.

#80
-Hot cup of lava coming through.

#81
'Aaaaaaaaaargh!'

#82
'Aaaaaaaaaargh!'

#83
-I don't know. Me, I think karma keeps the universe in order.

#84
-I don't know. Me, I think karma keeps the universe in order.

#85
-Karma shmarma. If you're not getting the length on the drive you need,

#86
-Karma shmarma. If you're not getting the length on the drive you need,

#87
a lot of the better pros take a running start.

#88
a lot of the better pros take a running start.

#89
-Righty-oh.

#90
(GLASS SMASHES / TYRES SCREECH)

#91
(CRASH! / HORNS BLARE)

#92
(CRASH! / HORNS BLARE)

#93
# I can't do this all on my own

#94
# I can't do this all on my own

#95
# No, I know

#96
# No, I know

#97
# I'm no superman

#98
# I'm no superman #

#99
# I'm no superman #

#100
'In medicine you get used to seeing a lot of horrible things.'

#101
'In medicine you get used to seeing a lot of horrible things.'

#102
-Morning, sport.

#103
-Morning, sport.

#104
Morning, sport. 'Do not say splotchy!'

#105
Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy. -Oh, please! It's barely noticeable!

#106
Good splotchy, Dr Splotchy. -Oh, please! It's barely noticeable!

#107
-Oh! Dark roast. -Goddammit!

#108
-Oh! Dark roast. -Goddammit!

#109
-There she is. Are you ready to be born today?

#110
-There she is. Are you ready to be born today?

#111
Dooba-dooo! -Get away from my stomach, or I'll put you in a leg lock

#112
Dooba-dooo! -Get away from my stomach, or I'll put you in a leg lock

#113
and snap your little bird neck with my enormous thighs.

#114
and snap your little bird neck with my enormous thighs.

#115
-Enjoy your special day. -Thanks.

#116
-Enjoy your special day. -Thanks.

#117
-In honour of this little goblin's arrival,

#118
-In honour of this little goblin's arrival,

#119
I have taken care of everything. Dr Gurrison is waiting to induce you,

#120
I have taken care of everything. Dr Gurrison is waiting to induce you,

#121
she will also administer the world's largest epidural.

#122
she will also administer the world's largest epidural.

#123
I have woefully underqualified residents covering my patients

#124
I have woefully underqualified residents covering my patients

#125
so that I can be with you every step of the way,

#126
so that I can be with you every step of the way,

#127
and here's the kicker - I have traded every one of my weekends,

#128
and here's the kicker - I have traded every one of my weekends,

#129
I have called in every favour, and I have kissed every pompous ass

#130
I have called in every favour, and I have kissed every pompous ass

#131
in this fluorescent hellhole so that I could secure for you

#132
in this fluorescent hellhole so that I could secure for you

#133
the one and only Mc Daddy out-of-your-mind birthing suite

#134
the one and only Mc Daddy out-of-your-mind birthing suite

#135
in this entire hospital.

#136
in this entire hospital.

#137
-Nice job, Alice.

#138
-Hey, Paul. -What are you doing down here?

#139
-Hey, Paul. -What are you doing down here?

#140
-I need a nurse to help me out. -This name tag says, "Paul Flowers, Nurse",

#141
-I need a nurse to help me out. -This name tag says, "Paul Flowers, Nurse",

#142
not, "Paul Flowers, Elliot Reid's Boyfriend".

#143
What do you need? -Mr Mahoney threw up. He needs a bath.

#144
What do you need? -Mr Mahoney threw up. He needs a bath.

#145
-Hey, Dina, my girlfriend's got a job for you.

#146
-Hey, Dina, my girlfriend's got a job for you.

#147
-< Right! -I just want you to know, I am having such a good time with you.

#148
-< Right! -I just want you to know, I am having such a good time with you.

#149
-Me, too.

#150
Sorry I didn't call you last night. I totally crashed.

#151
Sorry I didn't call you last night. I totally crashed.

#152
-No big deal. -I love that you don't let the little things bother you.

#153
-No big deal. -I love that you don't let the little things bother you.

#154
Like you have pit stains, and you're like, "Whatever! I'm working hard."

#155
Like you have pit stains, and you're like, "Whatever! I'm working hard."

#156
-What can I say? I'm an easy-going gal! (LAUGHS)

#157
-What can I say? I'm an easy-going gal! (LAUGHS)

#158
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I need deodorant and a dry top over here!

#159
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I need deodorant and a dry top over here!

#160
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I need deodorant and a dry top over here!

#161
'Doctors love to use humour.'

#162
Well, Mr Foster, your blood tests are back,

#163
Well, Mr Foster, your blood tests are back,

#164
and the good new is, you're not pregnant. (LAUGHS)

#165
and the good new is, you're not pregnant. (LAUGHS)

#166
You're... Cos you're...

#167
You're... Cos you're...

#168
-I said, "Not pregnant."

#169
-I said, "Not pregnant."

#170
(FEEDBACK) Is this thing on?

#171
And, hey! What is the deal with Q-Tips?

#172
And, hey! What is the deal with Q-Tips?

#173
They're not Qs and they're not tips!

#174
They're not Qs and they're not tips!

#175
(BAM! BAM!)

#176
(BAM! BAM!) (CRASH!)

#177
(BAM! BAM!) (CRASH!)

#178
-But unfortunately, the CAT scan suggests a laceration in your spleen,

#179
-But unfortunately, the CAT scan suggests a laceration in your spleen,

#180
which is why I asked for a surgical consult. So, how did this happen?

#181
which is why I asked for a surgical consult. So, how did this happen?

#182
-A golf ball hit my windshield and I drove into a tree.

#183
-A golf ball hit my windshield and I drove into a tree.

#184
OK, you are supposed to be up in the Mc Daddy suite,

#185
OK, you are supposed to be up in the Mc Daddy suite,

#186
but the woman who is in there is in her 40th hour of labour.

#187
but the woman who is in there is in her 40th hour of labour.

#188
-Did you explain to her that it is my room?

#189
-I started to, but then she screamed, grunted and pooped on the table.

#190
-I started to, but then she screamed, grunted and pooped on the table.

#191
It cracks me up that they never tell pregnant women to expect that one.

#192
It cracks me up that they never tell pregnant women to expect that one.

#193
It cracks me up that they never tell pregnant women to expect that one.

#194
-I'm going to pooh in front of people?!

#195
-No.

#196
-No.

#197
Yeah.

#198
-We're done talking. -Don't tease me. -Where's Dr Gurrison?

#199
-We're done talking. -Don't tease me. -Where's Dr Gurrison?

#200
-With that woman. -Who the hell's taking care of me?! -She's sending her resident.

#201
-With that woman. -Who the hell's taking care of me?! -She's sending her resident.

#202
-Hey! I'm Donna Burlotti, but you can call me Dr Donna!

#203
-Hey! I'm Donna Burlotti, but you can call me Dr Donna!

#204
(LAUGHS)

#205
(LAUGHS)

#206
-Carla, you know how I'm crazy? -Sure. What's up?

#207
-Carla, you know how I'm crazy? -Sure. What's up?

#208
-It's getting so hard to hide the crazy from Paul. -I hear you, girl.

#209
-It's getting so hard to hide the crazy from Paul. -I hear you, girl.

#210
It wasn't until last week that I told Turk the reason I don't touch the seat when I go to the bathroom

#211
It wasn't until last week that I told Turk the reason I don't touch the seat when I go to the bathroom

#212
isn't the germs but cos I'm afraid of toilet snakes. -And now so am I.

#213
isn't the germs but cos I'm afraid of toilet snakes. -And now so am I.

#214
-You just hold out until he's invested enough, he won't run away at the first thing that spooks him.

#215
-You just hold out until he's invested enough, he won't run away at the first thing that spooks him.

#216
-With Paul I feel like I'm getting pretty close right now.

#217
-With Paul I feel like I'm getting pretty close right now.

#218
-So, you guys have...? -Not yet, but tonight's our fourth date, so...

#219
-So, you guys have...? -Not yet, but tonight's our fourth date, so...

#220
-Four dates? -One date longer than the sluts, one shorter than the prudes.

#221
-Four dates? -One date longer than the sluts, one shorter than the prudes.

#222
I am Four-Date Reid.

#223
I am Four-Date Reid.

#224
-Yeah, but what about that surgeon the other - -I'm Four-Date Reid!

#225
-Yeah, but what about that surgeon the other - -I'm Four-Date Reid!

#226
-Hey, cutie. Hey. You ready for our third date?

#227
-Hey, cutie. Hey. You ready for our third date?

#228
-Fourth. You're forgetting the time we met at the coffee machine.

#229
-Fourth. You're forgetting the time we met at the coffee machine.

#230
You shut up. Hi!

#231
You shut up. Hi!

#232
-What the hell am I doing playing golf? It's all Tiger Woods's fault.

#233
-What the hell am I doing playing golf? It's all Tiger Woods's fault.

#234
-He'll sue, we'll get fired, we'll have to become male whores.

#235
-He'll sue, we'll get fired, we'll have to become male whores.

#236
Very successful male whores -

#237
Very successful male whores -

#238
we'll have a nicer apartment, some bling-bling - but whores nonetheless.

#239
-Relax - nobody knows about this but us. We'll be fine.

#240
-Check out the personalised golf-club cosy I found on the roof.

#241
-Check out the personalised golf-club cosy I found on the roof.

#242
"Hi!" -You and your stupid Christmas presents!

#243
"Hi!" -You and your stupid Christmas presents!

#244
"Hi!" -You and your stupid Christmas presents!

#245
-One of your golf balls went through the windshield of my van. No biggie. I just expect you to replace it.

#246
-One of your golf balls went through the windshield of my van. No biggie. I just expect you to replace it.

#247
-Your windshield's been broken for a year! -Yeah, I know. Still.

#248
-Your windshield's been broken for a year! -Yeah, I know. Still.

#249
"Oh, no!"

#250
"Oh, no!"

#251
"Looks like we're in a pickle! Pick - pick - pickle!"

#252
"Looks like we're in a pickle! Pick - pick - pickle!"

#253
Diggity buggetty buggetty buggetty!

#254
Diggity buggetty buggetty buggetty!

#255
Here's the keys. Have it back by tomorrow. Who are you?

#256
Here's the keys. Have it back by tomorrow. Who are you?

#257
-Dr Turk. -I don't care.

#258
-Dr Turk. -I don't care.

#259
-I'm not gonna lie to you, Bob -

#260
I have not been having the greatest day,

#261
I have not been having the greatest day,

#262
-Perry, I just drew in this eyebrow five minutes ago, so cry me a river.

#263
-Perry, I just drew in this eyebrow five minutes ago, so cry me a river.

#264
-Anyway, Jordan and I got stuck in this crappy room,

#265
-Anyway, Jordan and I got stuck in this crappy room,

#266
and I was wondering if... if...

#267
and I was wondering if... if...

#268
Whoo! Well!

#269
-Perry, if you want a favour, don't beat around the bush.

#270
-Perry, if you want a favour, don't beat around the bush.

#271
Just curtsey.

#272
Just curtsey.

#273
-I beg your pardon, backdraft? -You heard what I said.

#274
-I beg your pardon, backdraft? -You heard what I said.

#275
Well?

#276
Always remember how I made you do that.

#277
Always remember how I made you do that.

#278
-Hmmmm!

#279
-Ha! Ow!

#280
-Ha! Ow!

#281
-Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors.

#282
-Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors.

#283
So, what's the dealeo?

#284
So, what's the dealeo?

#285
-Ted, how bad would it really be if two doctors were hitting golf balls

#286
-Ted, how bad would it really be if two doctors were hitting golf balls

#287
off the roof and they caused a car accident

#288
off the roof and they caused a car accident

#289
and the driver needed surgery?

#290
Ted? -Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors!

#291
Ted? -Hey, fellas! Always nice to have visitors!

#292
So, what's the dealeo?

#293
-No dealeo, Ted. We just stopped by to say hi.

#294
-No dealeo, Ted. We just stopped by to say hi.

#295
Hi. -See you later, buddy.

#296
Hi. -See you later, buddy.

#297
-Later.

#298
-Later.

#299
'We both knew what we had to do.'

#300
'We both knew what we had to do.'

#301
Let's come clean. -Let's not tell anyone! Ever. Ever. Ever! Ever!

#302
Let's come clean. -Let's not tell anyone! Ever. Ever. Ever! Ever!

#303
-Ever?

#304
-Ever!

#305
-Ever!

#306
'I guess it's hard to predict -how a person will react.'

#307
'I guess it's hard to predict -how a person will react.'

#308
-So, do you wanna come in?

#309
-So, do you wanna come in?

#310
-No, it's OK. I'll see you tomorrow.

#311
-No, it's OK. I'll see you tomorrow.

#312
-Why don't we think of today as a test run?

#313
-Why don't we think of today as a test run?

#314
'Other times people react -exactly how you expect.'

#315
'Other times people react -exactly how you expect.'

#316
-The only way I could have felt more taken care of, is if I were

#317
-The only way I could have felt more taken care of, is if I were

#318
at a four star resort, or a third world country where you have to boil

#319
at a four star resort, or a third world country where you have to boil

#320
your own sewage for something to drink. A giant feather in your cap

#321
your own sewage for something to drink. A giant feather in your cap

#322
for how much power you wield in this hospital after 15 years(!)

#323
for how much power you wield in this hospital after 15 years(!)

#324
-I am so sorry everything fell apart today, honest to God I am.

#325
-I am so sorry everything fell apart today, honest to God I am.

#326
But when you get here tomorrow,

#327
But when you get here tomorrow,

#328
Dr Gurrison will be in the de luxe birthing suite, so that you

#329
can have that story-book drug-addled petocin-induced pregnancy

#330
you've always dreamed of, ever since you were a little girl.

#331
you've always dreamed of, ever since you were a little girl.

#332
But in the meantime, you've got to cut me a little slack.

#333
But in the meantime, you've got to cut me a little slack.

#334
It's not like the real father's running round here busting his hump.

#335
It's not like the real father's running round here busting his hump.

#336
-Oh, that's nice! I'm going home.

#337
-Oh, that's nice! I'm going home.

#338
-No. No, you're not. -Bye-bye.

#339
-No. No, you're not. -Bye-bye.

#340
-Jordan, your water just broke.

#341
-This kid's annoying me already.

#342
-This kid's annoying me already.

#343
-Having babies is so much fun! -I will choke her.

#344
-Having babies is so much fun! -I will choke her.

#345
-Please, Dr Burlotti, no more talking. -I really prefer Dr Donna!

#346
-Please, Dr Burlotti, no more talking. -I really prefer Dr Donna!

#347
-That means no, pep squad. Now, beat it.

#348
-That means no, pep squad. Now, beat it.

#349
And, Jordan, I am not gonna leave your side

#350
And, Jordan, I am not gonna leave your side

#351
until the baby is delivered. -Get the hell out of here.

#352
until the baby is delivered. -Get the hell out of here.

#353
-What?! -I'm serious. Why don't you do us both a favour and get out?

#354
-What?! -I'm serious. Why don't you do us both a favour and get out?

#355
-Fine.

#356
-It's important to stay positive.

#357
-Get me an epidural before I rip your teeth out! -Okey-dokey!

#358
-Get me an epidural before I rip your teeth out! -Okey-dokey!

#359
-Hey, girl's name! -What? -Give me a break!

#360
I've got a lot on my mind, Ellen. Oh, look at that - I bounced back.

#361
I've got a lot on my mind, Ellen. Oh, look at that - I bounced back.

#362
Anyway, the cave bad kicked me out of its lair,

#363
Anyway, the cave bad kicked me out of its lair,

#364
and as I no longer have my all-access pass to Crazy Town,

#365
and as I no longer have my all-access pass to Crazy Town,

#366
I need you to occasionally go in and poke her with a stick,

#367
I need you to occasionally go in and poke her with a stick,

#368
just to see how she's doing. -Dr Cox - -Please?!

#369
just to see how she's doing. -Dr Cox - -Please?!

#370
Just check on her, OK?

#371
-What if she has the baby while I'm in there?

#372
-What if she has the baby while I'm in there?

#373
-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

#374
-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

#375
-Here he comes! -What the hell is that?

#376
-Here he comes! -What the hell is that?

#377
-Goo-goo gaga! Gaga goo-goo!

#378
Goo-goo! (SQUAWKING)

#379
Goo-goo! (SQUAWKING)

#380
-Somebody get it off!

#381
'I'll check on her later.'

#382
'I'll check on her later.'

#383
-Elliot, wait up. Elliot.

#384
-Elliot, wait up. Elliot.

#385
-Hey.

#386
-I wanted to explain about last night.

#387
-I wanted to explain about last night.

#388
We had a great time, and I know you wanted me to come in to, you know.

#389
We had a great time, and I know you wanted me to come in to, you know.

#390
-Oh, no, no! I invited you in to see my fish tank.

#391
-Oh, no, no! I invited you in to see my fish tank.

#392
-Is that what you ladies are calling it nowadays?

#393
-Is that what you ladies are calling it nowadays?

#394
-Careful, Todd. -Sorry, Nurse Flowers, sir.

#395
-Careful, Todd. -Sorry, Nurse Flowers, sir.

#396
-Elliot, listen, I think you're an amazing girl.

#397
-Elliot, listen, I think you're an amazing girl.

#398
But something just didn't feel right about last night.

#399
But something just didn't feel right about last night.

#400
I've rushed things with people before. I don't wanna rush with you.

#401
I've rushed things with people before. I don't wanna rush with you.

#402
'Before?! Does he have -an ex-girlfriend. Is it her?!'

#403
'Before?! Does he have -an ex-girlfriend. Is it her?!'

#404
'Slut!' -I feel the same way.

#405
'Slut!' -I feel the same way.

#406
-Hey. -Oh, I am on to you.

#407
-Hey. -Oh, I am on to you.

#408
Going this way.

#409
So, now, why did you finally agree to marry Gandhi?

#410
So, now, why did you finally agree to marry Gandhi?

#411
-He's amazing in bed, with an awesome CD collection.

#412
-He's amazing in bed, with an awesome CD collection.

#413
-Seriously, what got you to the point where you weren't scared?

#414
-Seriously, what got you to the point where you weren't scared?

#415
-I'm still terrified!

#416
I mean, good luck finding a pen cap at the nurses' station. Know why?

#417
I mean, good luck finding a pen cap at the nurses' station. Know why?

#418
-Why? -Ate 'em all. -Sounds like good roughage to me.

#419
-Why? -Ate 'em all. -Sounds like good roughage to me.

#420
-What do you do when you get scared?

#421
-What do you do when you get scared?

#422
What do you do when you get scared? -Run away, get a divorce, drink a loan - you know, the classics.

#423
What do you do when you get scared? -Run away, get a divorce, drink a loan - you know, the classics.

#424
The thing is that this time I am killing myself for this woman,

#425
The thing is that this time I am killing myself for this woman,

#426
and I'm still getting my ass handed to me.

#427
and I'm still getting my ass handed to me.

#428
-There is no Shangri-La, you know? Every relationship is messed up.

#429
-There is no Shangri-La, you know? Every relationship is messed up.

#430
What makes it perfect is if you still wanna stay when things suck.

#431
What makes it perfect is if you still wanna stay when things suck.

#432
-Yeah, well, I'm not so sure.

#433
-Yeah, well, I'm not so sure.

#434
-It'll come to you.

#435
Hi, gentlemen. Either of you in the market for a van? 500 bucks.

#436
Hi, gentlemen. Either of you in the market for a van? 500 bucks.

#437
-The windshield cost that much. -Oh. 800. -No, thanks.

#438
-The windshield cost that much. -Oh. 800. -No, thanks.

#439
-Come on! There's still half a deer in the back.

#440
-Come on! There's still half a deer in the back.

#441
I think that's a deer.

#442
I think that's a deer.

#443
'After being blackmailed, -I decided to check in on Jordan.'

#444
'After being blackmailed, -I decided to check in on Jordan.'

#445
-You tell me, Donna! Do I look like I need more drugs?! -Ow! My face!

#446
-You tell me, Donna! Do I look like I need more drugs?! -Ow! My face!

#447
'I have other problems, because I -know that some windshield hush money

#448
'I have other problems, because I -know that some windshield hush money

#449
won't keep the karma gods from coming after Turk and me.'

#450
-Q-Tip, Dr Murphy called. They need you to cover his call tonight.

#451
-Q-Tip, Dr Murphy called. They need you to cover his call tonight.

#452
-Q-Tip, Dr Murphy called. They need you to cover his call tonight.

#453
Dude! Dr Winn's doing a stomach stapling,

#454
Dude! Dr Winn's doing a stomach stapling,

#455
and he wants you to be there to hold back the guy's fat flap.

#456
and he wants you to be there to hold back the guy's fat flap.

#457
-Apparently my face is scaring my patients,

#458
-Apparently my face is scaring my patients,

#459
so you're going to take them off my hands for about a week.

#460
so you're going to take them off my hands for about a week.

#461
-Turk!

#462
-Turk!

#463
The Dairy Queen burned down. -No! -Now do you see?

#464
The Dairy Queen burned down. -No! -Now do you see?

#465
-Carla, I cannot hide the crazy a minute longer.

#466
-Carla, I cannot hide the crazy a minute longer.

#467
Paul is this sweet, perfect guy who wants to take things slow with me,

#468
Paul is this sweet, perfect guy who wants to take things slow with me,

#469
and I'm just about to erupt and spew molten crazy all over him,

#470
and I'm just about to erupt and spew molten crazy all over him,

#471
and he's gonna die like this. -Calm down, Elliot.

#472
and he's gonna die like this. -Calm down, Elliot.

#473
Do what I used to do - find people who don't know Paul,

#474
Do what I used to do - find people who don't know Paul,

#475
and let it out in little bursts. -Good afternoon, ladies.

#476
and let it out in little bursts. -Good afternoon, ladies.

#477
-When I was a kid, I got sunburn like that, and I peeled the skin off,

#478
-When I was a kid, I got sunburn like that, and I peeled the skin off,

#479
put it in a pile and ate it.

#480
put it in a pile and ate it.

#481
-Good Lord!

#482
'For us, it was time to face -the karmic music.'

#483
'For us, it was time to face -the karmic music.'

#484
-We were the ones that hit your car with that golf ball.

#485
-We were the ones that hit your car with that golf ball.

#486
-Well, technically it was Dr Turk. -You liar!

#487
-Well, technically it was Dr Turk. -You liar!

#488
It was you! -You know what, it really doesn't matter.

#489
It was you! -You know what, it really doesn't matter.

#490
-What were you guys doing hitting golf balls way down town? -Down town.

#491
-What were you guys doing hitting golf balls way down town? -Down town.

#492
-I told you it wasn't us.

#493
-I told you it wasn't us.

#494
-This is almost exactly like the kind of picnics I have with my mother.

#495
-This is almost exactly like the kind of picnics I have with my mother.

#496
-You are so cute.

#497
-You are so cute.

#498
-And now it's exactly like 'em.

#499
-And now it's exactly like 'em.

#500
You got something in your tooth. 'Something on my teeth!'

#501
You got something in your tooth. 'Something on my teeth!'

#502
'Get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off!'

#503
Did I get it?

#504
Did I get it?

#505
-Er, no, but don't worry about it. So anyway, I was thinking... Elliot.

#506
-Er, no, but don't worry about it. So anyway, I was thinking... Elliot.

#507
Elliot, is everything alright?

#508
Elliot, is everything alright?

#509
Elliot, is everything alright? -Everything's great, yeah!

#510
Come here.

#511
Come here.

#512
What?

#513
-It's just, well, this is what bothered me the other night.

#514
-It's just, well, this is what bothered me the other night.

#515
Cos I know that there's something wrong, but you won't talk about it.

#516
Cos I know that there's something wrong, but you won't talk about it.

#517
I guess sometimes it feels like you're holding back.

#518
I guess sometimes it feels like you're holding back.

#519
-Of course I'm holding back! I'm insane, you idiot!

#520
-Of course I'm holding back! I'm insane, you idiot!

#521
Remember when you told me I had pit stains? I have cried every half hour

#522
Remember when you told me I had pit stains? I have cried every half hour

#523
since you told me, I am wracked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks.

#524
since you told me, I am wracked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks.

#525
I'm germaphobic, phobia-phobic.

#526
I talk to myself, I talk to my cat.

#527
I talk to myself, I talk to my cat.

#528
I talk to three shrinks about the fact that often my cats

#529
I talk to three shrinks about the fact that often my cats

#530
respond to me in my mother's voice, and yesterday, when that nurse

#531
respond to me in my mother's voice, and yesterday, when that nurse

#532
handed you a pair of latex gloves, I almost killed a guy I was stitching

#533
handed you a pair of latex gloves, I almost killed a guy I was stitching

#534
because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex

#535
because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex

#536
on a box of steaks! Why a box of steaks? Because my dad had an affair

#537
on a box of steaks! Why a box of steaks? Because my dad had an affair

#538
with a female butcher. I am insane. There. I opened up. Are you happy?

#539
with a female butcher. I am insane. There. I opened up. Are you happy?

#540
-No. I'm incredibly turned on.

#541
-No. I'm incredibly turned on.

#542
-I gotta get this right out of my teeth. Excuse me.

#543
-I gotta get this right out of my teeth. Excuse me.

#544
(CRASH!) Oh! I'm OK!

#545
(CRASH!) Oh! I'm OK!

#546
'I still believe in karma. -If I wasn't being punished

#547
'I still believe in karma. -If I wasn't being punished

#548
for Mr Golfball, I think I knew where my bad karma was coming from.'

#549
for Mr Golfball, I think I knew where my bad karma was coming from.'

#550
-I don't know many straight guys that wear cologne. -Only one spritz.

#551
-I don't know many straight guys that wear cologne. -Only one spritz.

#552
-Hmm. -Dr Cox asked me to check in on you.

#553
-Hmm. -Dr Cox asked me to check in on you.

#554
I'm sorry I haven't been here until now. -He asked you to check in on me?

#555
I'm sorry I haven't been here until now. -He asked you to check in on me?

#556
-Yep. So,...

#557
-Yep. So,...

#558
..how are you doin'?

#559
-Well, I've ruined everything. All he tried to do was take care of me

#560
-Well, I've ruined everything. All he tried to do was take care of me

#561
and show me that he loved me, but I had to drive him away,

#562
and show me that he loved me, but I had to drive him away,

#563
cos I don't like being vulnerable even when I'm normal,

#564
cos I don't like being vulnerable even when I'm normal,

#565
let alone with my ankles in stirrups and my coochie on display.

#566
let alone with my ankles in stirrups and my coochie on display.

#567
So, now he's gone for good, and I would like this thing out of me

#568
So, now he's gone for good, and I would like this thing out of me

#569
so I can go home and kill myself. -Well, you sound good.

#570
so I can go home and kill myself. -Well, you sound good.

#571
-I was going to tell him the truth eventually, I just wanted to see

#572
-I was going to tell him the truth eventually, I just wanted to see

#573
if he was going to be with me because he wanted to

#574
if he was going to be with me because he wanted to

#575
not because he had to. -What are you talking about?

#576
not because he had to. -What are you talking about?

#577
-It's his baby. Don't tell anyone.

#578
-It's his baby. Don't tell anyone.

#579
-Alright, look, it's time to get this thing under way,

#580
-Alright, look, it's time to get this thing under way,

#581
so I don't care if you want me here or not, I'm staying.

#582
so I don't care if you want me here or not, I'm staying.

#583
-Whatever. Alright. -Good.

#584
What were you two talking about?

#585
What were you two talking about?

#586
-Apartheid.

#587
-It's wrong. -Oh.

#588
-It's wrong. -Oh.

#589
'Call me New-Agey, but I think -karma's a powerful force.'

#590
'Call me New-Agey, but I think -karma's a powerful force.'

#591
-I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head.

#592
-I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head.

#593
-I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head.

#594
-Dude, it is so nice out here.

#595
Do you mind if I take a dance in the banana hammock?

#596
Do you mind if I take a dance in the banana hammock?

#597
'Because I honestly believe if you've -got bad karma coming your way,...'

#598
'Because I honestly believe if you've -got bad karma coming your way,...'

#599
-Hi, Dr Kelso. '..you can't hide from it.'

#600
-Hi, Dr Kelso. '..you can't hide from it.'

#601
'Karma's really just about doing the right thing.'

#602
'Karma's really just about doing the right thing.'

#603
-So, anyway,..

#604
..Mr Simms, I wanted to explain to you why your chest was hurting.

#605
..Mr Simms, I wanted to explain to you why your chest was hurting.

#606
During surgery, I...

#607
During surgery, I...

#608
'Or about being who you really are.'

#609
'Or about being who you really are.'

#610
'Either way, it's a lot to think about.'

#611
'Either way, it's a lot to think about.'

#612
-Oh, my God, would you look at the mug on Jordan's baby?

#613
-Oh, my God, would you look at the mug on Jordan's baby?

#614
Must have one butt-ugly father. -Yeah.

#615
Must have one butt-ugly father. -Yeah.

#616
'Damn you, karma!'

#617
-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#618
-Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

Season 2, Episode 16 — My Karma

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