Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S17E01 — The Gang F-s Up Abbott Elementary

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 17, Episode 1 — The Gang F-s Up Abbott Elementary

#1
So, as you may recall, a little while back

#2
we had some volunteers at the school.

#3
Found out they were here for community service.

#4
I wasn't tripping. Four days,

#5
free labor and they were outta here.

#6
But we were alerted to some additional footage, if you will.

#7
Turns out these clowns were up to a lot more than we knew.

#8
Welcome to Abbott Elementary,

#9
the best elementary school in the universe.

#10
What's the deal with all the cameras?

#11
We have, like, a Vanderpump thing going on.

#12
- Don't worry about it. - No!

#13
No. I think I'll be spending my time on the other side of the camera.

#14
- Thank you very much. - See?

#15
- Yeah, okay. - Totally get that.

#16
Um...

#17
If Caucasian Cultural Exchange is over,

#18
let's get to the free work.

#19
You got it.

#20
Before we do that, could my associates and I talk?

#21
If you wanna talk, talk.

#22
In private. I mean, away from the...

#23
- Yeah. That's an issue. - The cameras. Yeah.

#24
- Yeah. - If we could just not be near those.

#25
- It'll only take a second. - Frank, just go...

#26
- Go? - Yeah.

#27
Yeah. We'll be right Yeah. We'll be right back.

#28
- Yeah, of course. - We'll roam around your school.

#29
- Yeah. - Just need a minute.

#30
- What are we doing? - Go, go, go. Go.

#31
Close that door and lock it.

#32
- Okay. I got an idea. - Frank,

#33
let's not make this a whole thing, please.

#34
- Just a quick in and out. - The faster we get it done,

#35
- the better. - I see an opportunity here.

#36
How's a school an opportunity?

#37
It's not just a school. It's a gold mine.

#38
I can't believe these shitheads forgot they were mic'd.

#39
_

#40
- How is a school a gold mine? - Copper piping.

#41
Thousands and thousands of yards of it.

#42
And this is an old building. They use the thick kind.

#43
I mean, a fence would pay a fortune

#44
- for that stuff. - Frank.

#45
- What? - We're not ripping copper piping

#46
- out of a public school. - Well, why not?

#47
The city's gonna make 'em do it anyway.

#48
And they're gonna wind up paying for it. We'd be doing them a favor.

#49
Okay. Stop, stop. We're not doing this, all right?

#50
We're just We're gonna get through the day. Okay?

#51
And then we're gonna get the hell out of here. Because I...

#52
Oh, my God. This coffee is sludge.

#53
What's the story on the snacks? Are these free or what?

#54
Guys, I'm with Dennis. If I could just get this release signed,

#55
then we could be outta here in a week. All right?

#56
Look, I don't wanna get lice from one of these kids.

#57
Did you guys know that Black people can't get lice?

#58
Dee, that's, like, crazy racist.

#59
No, no, no. That's just science.

#60
It's the lice who are racist.

#61
- All right. Hold on, hold on. - Racist lice?

#62
You hear this conversation? This is us digging a deeper hole.

#63
Let's please not do it. I'm begging you all.

#64
Why is this door locked? And who are you people?

#65
Oh, hi. We're your volunteers.

#66
You're not supposed to be in here. This is the teachers' lounge.

#67
Ah. Then where's the volunteers' lounge?

#68
Actually, um, question. Sorry.

#69
Are you in charge of cleaning the coffee pots?

#70
Because, um, they're really dirty

#71
and you're not doing a good job.

#72
What is this?

#73
- Quit eating that. - Yeah. Quit eating that.

#74
I'm not I thought it was free. It's not free?

#75
- Y'all get the hell out of here. - Get the hell out of here.

#76
- Get out of here. He said. - I thought they were free.

#77
- Get the hell out of here. You know? - Okay. All right.

#78
- It's just a misunderstanding. Probably. - No.

#79
Guy's gonna be a problem. Take care of him.

#80
I can't say I'm surprised by any of this.

#81
I mean, I liked Dee at first,

#82
but things got awkward when she tried to steal you.

#83
That was never gonna happen.

#84
Still. Safe to say I liked her less after that.

#85
But it wasn't until I saw the extra footage

#86
that I was able to realize just how much of a...

#87
Mmm. I need to say a bad word.

#88
- It's okay. Yeah. - Yeah?

#89
- I'm gonna. It's real bad. - We talked about this. Go ahead.

#90
How much of a total fucking cunt she was.

#91
I I thought you was gonna call her a bitch.

#92
- No. I didn't feel that was strong enough. - Okay.

#93
Bitch can be a very fine dog. That is not what this woman is.

#94
Class, could I have your attention for one second?

#95
You are being taught by a genius.

#96
And class, if I may,

#97
you have a genius volunteer aiding you.

#98
Aw.

#99
- You. You. - You.

#100
- No, you. - It's definitely you.

#101
- Right now. One, two, three. You. - You.

#102
Back up. Go. Go out there. Go out there. Go out there.

#103
Okay. I notice you following that one around a bunch?

#104
What is going on with that? I'm not picking up star vibes from her.

#105
She's a dud. She's a giant dud.

#106
But I have an idea: You follow me around,

#107
make me the star of whatever this is,

#108
and I will make this shit pop. Right?

#109
I'll steal her man. I'll expose her for the dud she is.

#110
What do you think? Let's work together.

#111
Huh? Oh.

#112
- Hey. - Hey.

#113
- We can't wait till you come back. - I can't wait to come back.

#114
Oh, my God.

#115
I mean, what is she talking about?

#116
The star of the thing? What?

#117
- I don't know. She's crazy. It's a... Yeah. - She really is crazy.

#118
- If anything, Ava's the star. - Mmm.

#119
Maybe Barb. Could be me at this point.

#120
- But you know - Sure. Yeah.

#121
Sure?

#122
- You don't think I've gotten... - No. No. No, absolutely.

#123
- You're the star. - The focus...

#124
They kind of go through my interpretation of it.

#125
- Yeah. It's for you. Yeah. - Okay.

#126
Well, actually, that's not what this is about.

#127
- No. Exactly. - 'Cause it's about the kids.

#128
But the good news is

#129
she was never actually attracted to Gregory at all.

#130
Sorry.

#131
She should've been. No.

#132
These dumbasses couldn't even pretend to volunteer for very long.

#133
Day one, they tried to recruit athletes for their old high school.

#134
Yo.

#135
Hey, dude. Pfft. This place is the worst, man.

#136
They're, like, totally, like, trying to teach me to read and stuff.

#137
And I'm just, like, playing along and being like, "Oh.

#138
You know. You can help me."

#139
But it's just like I'm trying to kill time, you know?

#140
- Like, it's so boring. Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.

#141
- Sure. - What do they got you doing?

#142
Uh, well, they don't really have me doing anything,

#143
but I decided to do this.

#144
Oh. What What is this?

#145
Well, I... I grabbed a bunch of stuff from the science class

#146
- Uh-huh. - and I'm doing a science experiment here.

#147
- Is it coffee? - It is coffee.

#148
I could smell it.

#149
It's the most amazing coffee you've ever had.

#150
- You wouldn't believe it. - Dude, sick. Give me a cup.

#151
- I'm like Walter White over here. - Yeah, absolutely.

#152
- Hey, guys. - You want this one? It's ready to go.

#153
You would not believe the bozos they got

#154
as the stars of this thing.

#155
- Stars of what thing? - Yeah.

#156
Their reality show or whatever it is they got going.

#157
- Oh, shit. - Oh, shit.

#158
- I keep forgetting about these guys. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

#159
- Yeah, me too. - I'm gonna use it as a launching pad.

#160
- I got an angle. - No, no, no. We're not doing angles, Dee.

#161
- What smells good? - Coffee. You gotta try it.

#162
- Make her one. - You want one?

#163
- This is a coffee? Yeah. - Yeah.

#164
It's really slow, so I'll make you a small one.

#165
- Raccoon on the loose. - What?

#166
- Really? - Hey, hey. Frank, Frank.

#167
Yeah. I bought a racoon in to keep that janitor busy.

#168
- Coffee me, huh? - Nice, dude. Good move.

#169
- Yeah. - No, no. Frank, cameras.

#170
- Yo. What's up, bitches? - Oh, shoot.

#171
Have you guys seen the talent in this school?

#172
No. No. What are you... We're just doing the one thing, okay?

#173
You guys are talking about five different things.

#174
For Christ's sake, you're all over the place.

#175
What talent? What you talking about?

#176
Yeah. There's kids, like, that are taller than me.

#177
I say we recruit one for the basketball team at St. Joe's.

#178
- No, no, no. - Dude. Great idea, man.

#179
- They've been sucking ass, bro. - We are just doing the one thing. Okay?

#180
I want a I want a straight line to Friday. That's it.

#181
- Okay. All right. - He needs a coffee.

#182
Yeah. Get him some coffee, man. Make a coffee for

#183
- Coffee, coffee. - Mac, try a coffee.

#184
- Yeah. I'll have a coffee. - It's really good.

#185
It's perfectly pH-balanced.

#186
I keep forgetting about the cameras, man.

#187
- I forget about them every time, dude. - Shit. Yeah.

#188
It is easy to forget about the cameras.

#189
I keep cash on me to make things "go away."

#190
But they took it to the next level.

#191
That's a good idea.

#192
Totally profit off a young basketball player.

#193
Like, pull a Blind Side on 'em.

#194
- Are you pissing in that locker? - Oh, it's the coffee.

#195
- I drank so much coffee. Yeah. - It goes right through you, yeah.

#196
Let's do the Blind Side thing.

#197
Well, yeah. But I think we're not supposed to say "blind side,"

#198
- 'cause it's, like, a... - Why?

#199
It got frowned upon, 'cause It was, like, a white savior thing.

#200
And I think white people aren't supposed to help Black people anymore. Right?

#201
No. That's a misunderstanding.

#202
- Okay, good. - Yeah. You see, St. Joe's is

#203
predominantly white teams, so we're helping the basketball team.

#204
We're helping a white school, so it's fine.

#205
- Look at that one. He's tall. - Don't say "that one." I know that much.

#206
- Let's go get him. Let's go get him. - I meant that Black kid.

#207
Hey, kid. Look at you. Wow.

#208
Wow, man. We saw you in the hall.

#209
- We liked everything we saw. - We did.

#210
What's it gonna take to convince you

#211
to leave a place like this and come with us?

#212
We may have access to a Lexus if you wanna joyride.

#213
- You like joyriding? - Vroom, vroom.

#214
What is this? What is going on here?

#215
Uh... Well...

#216
He... He left. Yeah.

#217
Okay, you need to leave too.

#218
What the...

#219
Poor Rodney. He was really freaked out.

#220
Maybe it was Jacob interrupting them,

#221
or maybe it was when they found out

#222
that Rodney is legally blind in one eye and can't shoot for shit.

#223
Don't think we didn't try. He's trash.

#224
A basketball recruit? Oh, thank God.

#225
My mind was going to terrible places.

#226
Anyway, they got off that idea and bounced to the next one

#227
like one of those ADHD kids.

#228
The only thing I will say is, their coffee was fantastic.

#229
Okay. Got a soy almond latte for Gregory. There we go.

#230
- Much obliged. - Okay. And Janine. You have the

#231
Yeah. it was a mocha grande half-caf with a splash of...

#232
- A splash of vanilla. - Yes.

#233
Okay. I got you right here.

#234
- There we go. Enjoy. Enjoy. - Thanks. Okay. Thank you.

#235
Katie, I remember you.

#236
Super complicated order.

#237
I gotta say, guys.

#238
This experience is not as bad as I thought it would be.

#239
Yeah. It's fine, you know.

#240
I mean, for once, laying low is maybe paying off for us.

#241
No, no, no. Screw laying low.

#242
I'm making a play for dingbat's guy, and it's working.

#243
- No. Dee, I said no angles. What're you... - Excuse me.

#244
Guys, excuse me. I'm volunteering,

#245
so I have to come through here. Yeah.

#246
Yeah. Yeah, they said that the volunteers had to come through.

#247
'Cause we wouldn't normally do that.

#248
We're good people. But we had to. So...

#249
What, bro? What?

#250
Guys, I'm actually, like, really pissed at this school.

#251
Like, they have no idea how to teach people, you know? Like...

#252
- What, you not learning to read? - No. It's not the reading.

#253
I know how to read. It's 9/11, man.

#254
- What-What-What? - What about 9/11?

#255
Yeah?

#256
The kids don't know anything about it, man.

#257
- They don't know what it is. - What?

#258
I heard a couple of 'em joking,

#259
and they were sharing funny, like, Internet memes.

#260
And they were, like, "Oh, yeah. Oh, that? I know that Internet joke thing."

#261
No.

#262
- That's how they know it. - Okay. Hold on a second. I...

#263
Well now I have to get involved, 'cause that's insane.

#264
- Yeah, that's kids these days. - Huh?

#265
- 9/11 is just one giant meme to them. - Yeah, it's a big joke.

#266
- It is? - Yeah. It's like Pearl Harbor.

#267
I mean, you know, that happens. Everybody looks the other way.

#268
Now we're all buying Japanese cars.

#269
And now the Arabs are buying golf from us.

#270
- What? - Golf's not for sale, dude.

#271
The purest sport in the history of humanity?

#272
What's next, football?

#273
- Wait a minute. - What happened to "never forget"?

#274
We said we weren't gonna forget.

#275
We made an agreement to never forget.

#276
We collectively made an agreement to never forget.

#277
Next thing you know, now the camps And just buying whatever car we want?

#278
- I mean, what the hell is this? - We're just forgetting what happened?

#279
This argument went on for way too long.

#280
I remember every goddamn one of those attackers' names.

#281
- Every goddamn one. - Of course you do.

#282
- Mohamed Atta. - That guy!

#283
- Marwan al-Shehhi! - Ziad Jarrah!

#284
Bin Laden! He died like the dog in the dirt that he was, man!

#285
- That's right, goddamn it. - That's where he belongs.

#286
- The fallen fire department! - Gonna forget about the firefighters?

#287
These people were passionate, but dumb as shit.

#288
'Cause at some point they argued themselves right into conspiracy theories.

#289
- So it had to be a hoax. - Of course. Yes.

#290
I mean, steel would not melt at that temperature.

#291
I mean, take fire to steel and see if it melts. It won't.

#292
- You try it. - No, you know what?

#293
A missile sent by your own government is probably what it was.

#294
- I read online there wasn't even a plane. - Really?

#295
I'm starting to think there wasn't even towers, dude.

#296
- I'd never been to them. - Has anybody seen the towers?

#297
- With your own eyes, not a picture. - Exactly. Not a picture.

#298
Only seen pictures the government has shown me.

#299
They're changing the weather now, do you know about this?

#300
- They control the weather. - Yeah. With frogs. I saw that.

#301
- They control the weather. - Yeah, with frogs.

#302
- Yeah, they shoot the frogs up there. - They shoot frogs up there?

#303
- They're throwing tornadoes at Florida. - Yeah. It creates a super storm.

#304
- Crop control. - The oranges. There's too many oranges.

#305
I know it sounds crazy but I think at one point,

#306
these people were trying to start a boy band.

#307
All right. Remember to combine all three words here.

#308
Darnell Lewis and Jordan Cox,

#309
please report to the principal's office.

#310
I thought it was kinda odd

#311
when Ava had one of the volunteers making announcements.

#312
- Now, really think about... - No. What? Actually, wait.

#313
Yeah, sorry. Go to the bathroom.

#314
No, no. Don't tell them to go to the bathroom.

#315
Dennis, the acoustics are better.

#316
What? Have them come to the music room.

#317
Yeah. Okay, fine. Darnell and Jordan,

#318
please go to the music room or whatever. Thank you.

#319
Did you have that pushed the whole time?

#320
- The what? No, which What? - Keep doing your work.

#321
I'll be right back.

#322
So I had to go down there and check it out for myself.

#323
* I'll make love to you Like you want me to *

#324
* And I'll hold you tight Baby, all through the night *

#325
- Ooh. This is what we want. - Yeah, yeah.

#326
- This is good. - A little pitchy at times.

#327
- Very good singer. - Very nice.

#328
- He's a little pitchy, but it's fine. - Yeah? But...

#329
My main concern is he's coming off like kind of a nerd.

#330
You know we've already got our nerd.

#331
- We need a bad boy. - We do.

#332
Hey, Steven, would you say you're a bad boy?

#333
I don't know.

#334
- You don't know? - You don't know, huh?

#335
I feel like a bad boy would know if he was bad, right?

#336
- Yeah, he might. - I think so.

#337
Damn it. I told Mac to get the detention list.

#338
Yeah, 'cause that's how we're gonna find...

#339
Hey. Hey. How we doing? All right.

#340
What's going on in here?

#341
Uh, we're just having auditions. Well, Ava said it was okay.

#342
Ava said we could use the room.

#343
- And we got her... - Real quick, just wanna walk this back.

#344
Um, Ava said that it was okay for you to pull kids out of class

#345
- so they could sing for you? - Yeah.

#346
Yeah. Otherwise how we're gonna know who's the

#347
It was kinda like a class. In a way, it's a music class.

#348
Basically like, we're just kind of, like, shopping for kids here,

#349
and we got a pretty good collection.

#350
You know, we got a nerd and we got the boy next door.

#351
We got the ugly one that people feel sorry for, but we

#352
He's so ugly too. But he is uglier than...

#353
Maybe too ugly.

#354
- Yeah, maybe too ugly. - Now we found our bad boy.

#355
You see, the bad boy is the most important one.

#356
Because the bad boy makes the sexual component less weird.

#357
Yeah. I wouldn't have said that, but...

#358
That's not why. That's not really the...

#359
This was some crazy shit. I didn't wanna deal with it,

#360
so I took it to Ava.

#361
Ava.

#362
- What? - The others were right.

#363
These volunteers have got to go.

#364
No. You were right. They're amazing, and they're staying.

#365
Shit. I might frame 'em for another crime just to get their hours up.

#366
What? What? No.

#367
Did I ask you to stop steaming?

#368
Okay. She was right.

#369
Between fighting teachers, pissing in lockers and the boy band thing,

#370
I should have booted their ass.

#371
Because that white woman was going in.

#372
What do you mean you didn't get the fight on camera?

#373
What is wrong with you?

#374
I let that bitch kick my ass so that I could look like a victim.

#375
You think I couldn't kick her...

#376
She's tiny. I could destroy her.

#377
I'd rip her hair out.

#378
I'd rip this whole school bald if I wanted to,

#379
oh, but that would like some kind of hate crime

#380
in the liberal media.

#381
Wouldn't they just love that. No. I'm not doing it.

#382
What's wrong with you? You call yourself a camera crew?

#383
Oh, my God. Get your head out of your ass.

#384
Nah, I've seen some shit.

#385
But crazy white people hit different.

#386
"Let me kick her ass?"

#387
No. I am not a violent person, but if I wanna kick someone's ass, I will.

#388
"Let me kick her ass." She said that?

#389
No. No. And you know what? I'm not mad.

#390
I'm not, because I am totally over that woman,

#391
um, because I'm a happy person. So...

#392
I'm so sorry. I saw a mosquito.

#393
Yeah, so, in one point

#394
I was misled into believing they were shooting an educational video

#395
in the vein of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire."

#396
I don't know how the fuck they got on this.

#397
Bye. See youse.

#398
Knock, knock, knock. I've got a piping hot

#399
caramel macchiato for a Melissa.

#400
That's me.

#401
- Oh, there you are. - Thank you, Dennis.

#402
It's my pleasure. Absolutely. Hey, Go birds.

#403
- Go birds. - Hey, listen.

#404
Um, might I trouble you with a query?

#405
On the subject of Billy Joel with the scale being, one:

#406
"I can't stand his music" to ten:

#407
"I think he's the single greatest musician in the history of sound,"

#408
where do you place the man?

#409
Negative five. But you know who is a massive fan?

#410
A hundred fifty. A million ten. Infinity.

#411
Amazing. Okay, great. Yeah.

#412
So we are actually looking to recruit teachers

#413
to help us with a little song.

#414
By that point, I should have known better

#415
but, um, I'm a sucker for anything Billy Joel related, so...

#416
- Yeah. - This is really exciting, guys.

#417
Okay. So here's what we're gonna do.

#418
You, our modern educators,

#419
are going to sing the updated lyrics

#420
to Billy Joel's classic song,

#421
and we will be reenacting the iconic historical moments

#422
on video at a later date.

#423
Oh, my God. Can we be part of that as well? 'Cause...

#424
I feel like it wouldn't be right if you weren't.

#425
- That's great. Let's get them involved. - Yeah.

#426
- Yeah. - Yeah. Okay.

#427
Matter of fact, I'm gonna film the rehearsal.

#428
Yeah, just shoot it. Shoot everything.

#429
Okay, I'm gonna stumble through one.

#430
Don't worry if you get it wrong.

#431
- Okay. Yeah. - Let's just try it for time. Okay? Um...

#432
Okay. And...

#433
* Caitlin Clark And Angel Reese *

#434
* Captain Sully hit some geese *

#435
* Marijuana legalized *

#436
* Price of copper Is on the rise *

#437
* Kaepernick takes a knee *

#438
* Ozempic cures obesity *

#439
* Y2K was overblown They shut down Guantánamo *

#440
* We didn't start the fire It was always burning *

#441
- * Always burning * - * Since the world's been turning *

#442
- * Since the world's been turning * - * We didn't start the fire *

#443
- * We didn't start the fire * - * It was always burning *

#444
- * Since the world's been turning * - * It's always turning *

#445
* We didn't, we didn't We didn't, we didn't *

#446
* We didn't we didn't, we didn't *

#447
* We didn't start the fire *

#448
Actually, they did start a fire.

#449
You see this? Look, it's not even wilting.

#450
Mac, that's indestructible.

#451
You're telling me that an entire building is gonna melt to the ground

#452
but we can't even melt the bench?

#453
- I don't think so. Oh. - Oh!

#454
Oh, shit. It's going up the wall.

#455
But eventually, the whole song thing fell apart

#456
when they discovered something that they did not like.

#457
- Wow. Wow, guys. This was amazing. - Yes.

#458
- Love it. You guys. - Charlie.

#459
Look, guys. I'm so excited and I really can't wait

#460
to be a part of the reenactment. I just want to throw that out there again,

#461
but I'm just curious, like, as to why you guys are doing it?

#462
I just was wondering.

#463
- Fair. Fair. - Yeah. That's a good question. Like...

#464
So we realized that the kids don't know anything about 9/11 really.

#465
It's like a joke or a meme to them.

#466
And, like, "Never forget," you know?

#467
We said, "Never forget," and they seemed to have forgotten.

#468
I love this. I mean, I love this.

#469
Human beings have been educating one another

#470
through the method of song for generations

#471
that predate even the most ancient of societies.

#472
- Absolutely. - Yeah.

#473
This particular song was instrumental,

#474
- I would say, in our education - It was big for us.

#475
and we just felt like it was due for an update. Right.

#476
- It's due for an update. - Yes.

#477
And I love that you guys did it almost better than Fall Out Boy, you know?

#478
- With the lyric change and everything. - Yeah.

#479
Well then, no this is Billy Joel's song.

#480
No, no. The band Fall Out Boy, they already did an update

#481
- Yeah. - like, of this song.

#482
Changed all the lyrics and

#483
Who's Fall Out Boy?

#484
It's an emo band that did a really good update. It was really good.

#485
- Okay. - Yeah.

#486
- I thought that's why you... - Yeah.

#487
Will you excuse us for a moment?

#488
We're gonna need a...

#489
- We're just gonna need a minute. - Okay.

#490
Is it to go listen to their version?

#491
- To... - No.

#492
- No. - Oh, okay.

#493
Apparently, this Fall Out Boy thing was a big deal to them.

#494
Son of a bitch!

#495
Every goddamn time we try a single thing

#496
this goddamn Fall Out Boy!

#497
- Goddamn pricks! - Always a step ahead of us! Fuckers!

#498
I mean, the Ed Hardy jeans.

#499
- The spiked hair. - Yeah!

#500
Plus the eyeliner! That was my look.

#501
- He stole it from me. - It was your look, Mac!

#502
That has been your look!

#503
- Goddamn Fall Out Boy. - This goddamn Fall Out Boy.

#504
I've got nothing for this.

#505
In all my years of teaching primary school,

#506
I have never seen a student of mine tantrum that long.

#507
And these were full-grown adults

#508
with fully-developed frontal lobes.

#509
I thought they were done.

#510
But then, I found this video online.

#511
It was titled "Fall Out Boy can't stop us."

#512
* Caitlin Clark And Angel Reese *

#513
* Captain Sully hit some geese *

#514
* Marijuana legalized *

#515
* Price of copper is on the rise *

#516
* Kaepernick takes a knee *

#517
* Ozempic cures obesity *

#518
* Y2K was overblown They shut down Guantánamo *

#519
* We didn't start the *

#520
I gotta hand it to these jabronis.

#521
'Cause I didn't really like the original,

#522
'cause I felt like Billy Joel didn't even try

#523
to match the lyrics to the video,

#524
but these guys, they milked the school

#525
for every minute of content they could.

#526
It reminded me of that verse on DMX's "What You Want."

#527
"There was Brenda, LaTisha, Linda, Felicia."

#528
I wasn't mad at it. It was a bop.

#529
Look, at the end of the day, did I like those people?

#530
No. I did not.

#531
But I will admit

#532
that what they did before they left was pretty nice.

#533
Thank you all so much for coming here.

#534
Please enjoy a round of drinks on us.

#535
- Johnnie Walker Blue. - No spirits.

#536
Chardonnay, please.

#537
Gosh, we don't have a bottle already open.

#538
- Yeah. - Okay. Heineken.

#539
- Well, no imports though. - Yeah.

#540
Jesus Christ.

#541
How about an iced tea?

#542
- Iced tea. Uh, I think we have ice. - Mm-mmm.

#543
Nope. You don't have ice.

#544
- I already checked. And... - Yeah, no.

#545
We're off water altogether.

#546
- Sorry. - We're not doing water anymore in the bar.

#547
It's a whole thing.

#548
I am so sorry, but why are we here?

#549
- Like, what is this? - Oh, right.

#550
Yes, no. Fair. Um, yeah.

#551
Well, listen, we just wanted to let you know

#552
that our experience with you really touched us.

#553
You know, you blindsided us with your heart

#554
and your care for those children.

#555
And while Frank is sorry that he couldn't be here today,

#556
he did spring for this gift for your teacher's lounge.

#557
Mac.

#558
A new espresso machine.

#559
Nice, right? We don't even have one of these.

#560
May you be as happy as you are caffeinated.

#561
Maybe they're kinda sweet. That was kinda sweet.

#562
- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah.

#563
It wasn't that sweet. Come with me.

#564
I think they lured us down to their bar so the old one could do this.

#565
He must've ripped out about a hundred feet of copper.

#566
But on the bright side,

#567
the state was gonna make us move out some old pipes,

#568
so actually he saved us a few grand in construction costs.

#569
I'm gonna lose my job if anyone sees this, so burn those tapes.

#570
- synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com

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