Scrubs

#1
'When dating a woman whose husband just died after two years in a coma

#2
'When dating a woman whose husband just died after two years in a coma

#3
you can't help but have doubts about the relationship.'

#4
you can't help but have doubts about the relationship.'

#5
'All you can do is be a man and face those doubts head-on.'

#6
'All you can do is be a man and face those doubts head-on.'

#7
-What are you thinking about? -Eggs.

#8
-What are you thinking about? -Eggs.

#9
One minute they're bad for you, now everybody's, "Hey, you tried eggs? They're great!" It's crazy. Eggs....

#10
One minute they're bad for you, now everybody's, "Hey, you tried eggs? They're great!" It's crazy. Eggs....

#11
-You know what? Forget I asked. -What?

#12
-You know what? Forget I asked. -What?

#13
-JD, I really wanted tonight to be romantic.

#14
-JD, I really wanted tonight to be romantic.

#15
-Sweetie, it is! Now, exactly how much feeling

#16
-Sweetie, it is! Now, exactly how much feeling

#17
am I supposed to lose in my extremities?

#18
am I supposed to lose in my extremities?

#19
-Just enough so it still hurts.

#20
-Just enough so it still hurts.

#21
(DIRTY ROCK MUSIC)

#22
'Still, things are going pretty well with me and Jamie.'

#23
'Still, things are going pretty well with me and Jamie.'

#24
-Looks like rope-burn to me.

#25
-Oh, no, this a rash from my new watch.

#26
-Oh, no, this a rash from my new watch.

#27
They didn't tell me the band was made out of...

#28
They didn't tell me the band was made out of...

#29
..cat. -Elliot, check out these wedding dresses.

#30
..cat. -Elliot, check out these wedding dresses.

#31
-Eeeerh! -I am so proud of you! -This is exactly like the dress I bought! Huh!

#32
-Eeeerh! -I am so proud of you! -This is exactly like the dress I bought! Huh!

#33
-Eeeerh! -I am so proud of you! -This is exactly like the dress I bought! Huh!

#34
-Hm? -I didn't already buy a wedding dress.

#35
I'm not even dating anybody, so that would be crazy, whether it was half-off, or not....

#36
I'm not even dating anybody, so that would be crazy, whether it was half-off, or not....

#37
I'm not even dating anybody, so that would be crazy, whether it was half-off, or not....

#38
-There's not one good thing about her planning a wedding I can't afford.

#39
-There's not one good thing about her planning a wedding I can't afford.

#40
-Turk, I know it's silly and I know it's only for one day,

#41
-Turk, I know it's silly and I know it's only for one day,

#42
but since I was a little girl, all I wanted was to have a big wedding.

#43
but since I was a little girl, all I wanted was to have a big wedding.

#44
-What's the name of that designer you love so much? She made that gown? Vera...?

#45
-What's the name of that designer you love so much? She made that gown? Vera...?

#46
-Wang. (BOTH GIGGLE CHILDISHLY)

#47
-Wang. (BOTH GIGGLE CHILDISHLY)

#48
-You're the only two doctors immature enough to laugh at "Vera Wang."

#49
-You're the only two doctors immature enough to laugh at "Vera Wang."

#50
-Hello.

#51
-Go ahead. -What? I think Vera Wang makes very beautiful gowns.

#52
-Go ahead. -What? I think Vera Wang makes very beautiful gowns.

#53
Plus, her last name's a funny word for "penis". Who's with me?

#54
Plus, her last name's a funny word for "penis". Who's with me?

#55
Air-five! Stsh! Stsh! Stsh!

#56
Air-five! Stsh! Stsh! Stsh!

#57
-Shorts, huh? -Yeah.

#58
I don't get shorts, cos I'm a lowly janitor? -I didn't say "lowly".

#59
I don't get shorts, cos I'm a lowly janitor? -I didn't say "lowly".

#60
-Oh, so now I'm a janitor? -Yes! Have you been drinking?

#61
-Oh, so now I'm a janitor? -Yes! Have you been drinking?

#62
-I'm not drunk. -I love your shorts, OK?

#63
-I'm not drunk. -I love your shorts, OK?

#64
I wish I had a pair just like 'em. -Hm.

#65
I wish I had a pair just like 'em. -Hm.

#66
-OK, Mr Westfeld, now the angioplasty went well, but here's the thing,

#67
-OK, Mr Westfeld, now the angioplasty went well, but here's the thing,

#68
it is on you, partner. You gotta watch what you eat so we

#69
it is on you, partner. You gotta watch what you eat so we

#70
can kick this thing in the ass, OK? -It's on you, partner!

#71
can kick this thing in the ass, OK? -It's on you, partner!

#72
-Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point

#73
-Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point

#74
by repeating it word for word.

#75
by repeating it word for word.

#76
In a reciprocal gesture, can I be included in your coming out party?

#77
In a reciprocal gesture, can I be included in your coming out party?

#78
-Is that a gay joke?

#79
-No, it's a cotillion joke. My God, Newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years,

#80
-No, it's a cotillion joke. My God, Newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years,

#81
how is it possible you still don't get me?

#82
how is it possible you still don't get me?

#83
I'd never compare you to the gays! I like the gays, I like their music,

#84
I'd never compare you to the gays! I like the gays, I like their music,

#85
I like their style, and what they've done with Halloween,

#86
I like their style, and what they've done with Halloween,

#87
but our thing is that you're girl. That's who you are! But that's not....

#88
but our thing is that you're girl. That's who you are! But that's not....

#89
but our thing is that you're girl. That's who you are! But that's not....

#90
'Man, once Dr. Cox gets on a roll, -there's nothing that can derail him.'

#91
'Man, once Dr. Cox gets on a roll, -there's nothing that can derail him.'

#92
-My mom died.

#93
'Except that.'

#94
# I can't do this all on my own

#95
# I can't do this all on my own

#96
# No, I know

#97
# No, I know

#98
# I'm no Superman

#99
# I'm no Superman

#100
Thank you all for coming, I know you're busy.

#101
'The toughest part about working in a hospital is,

#102
'The toughest part about working in a hospital is,

#103
no matter what else is going on in your life, you have to dive back into things.'

#104
no matter what else is going on in your life, you have to dive back into things.'

#105
no matter what else is going on in your life, you have to dive back into things.'

#106
-So anyway, you said you like mine, and I had the wife whip you up a pair of your own. You like 'em?

#107
-So anyway, you said you like mine, and I had the wife whip you up a pair of your own. You like 'em?

#108
-Do I like 'em? Why, just the other day I was asking myself,

#109
-Do I like 'em? Why, just the other day I was asking myself,

#110
"How can I show my package so it's alluring and professional?"

#111
"How can I show my package so it's alluring and professional?"

#112
-Well, there's your answer. -Urgh!

#113
-Well, there's your answer. -Urgh!

#114
(LAUGHS)

#115
Ah, to be young and in shorts.

#116
Ah, to be young and in shorts.

#117
-Are you ready for bed? -Oh, I'm ready.

#118
-Are you ready for bed? -Oh, I'm ready.

#119
'A lot can change in a week.'

#120
-Scoot!

#121
-Scoot!

#122
Can you hand my mouth guard to me?

#123
Can you hand my mouth guard to me?

#124
'Uh, ew!'

#125
-Thanks.

#126
-Thanks.

#127
(SLURPS)

#128
-If things have fizzled, I could scout her out, figure the problem.

#129
-If things have fizzled, I could scout her out, figure the problem.

#130
-Things haven't fizzled. Last night, we made ice cubes out of orange juice, so, step off.

#131
-Things haven't fizzled. Last night, we made ice cubes out of orange juice, so, step off.

#132
-Things haven't fizzled. Last night, we made ice cubes out of orange juice, so, step off.

#133
-OK, gang, before we begin, Doctor Kelso wants me to remind you

#134
-OK, gang, before we begin, Doctor Kelso wants me to remind you

#135
of the legal ramifications of all your teensy snafus.

#136
of the legal ramifications of all your teensy snafus.

#137
-"Teensy snafus"? Good God, Ted,

#138
-"Teensy snafus"? Good God, Ted,

#139
it's not a Doctor Seuss story.

#140
it's not a Doctor Seuss story.

#141
Now, listen up, name tags, over 50% of our lawsuits

#142
Now, listen up, name tags, over 50% of our lawsuits

#143
can be traced back to poor patient-doctor communication.

#144
can be traced back to poor patient-doctor communication.

#145
To that end, if any of you feel the need to flap your babble holes,

#146
To that end, if any of you feel the need to flap your babble holes,

#147
you'll be joining me in my new daily seminar on doctor-patient relations.

#148
you'll be joining me in my new daily seminar on doctor-patient relations.

#149
My first invitee will be Dr Murphy, whom I recently overheard

#150
My first invitee will be Dr Murphy, whom I recently overheard

#151
telling someone, "Stop bleeding, oh, God, stop bleeding." -It was a gusher.

#152
telling someone, "Stop bleeding, oh, God, stop bleeding." -It was a gusher.

#153
-Next catastrophe. Idiots!

#154
-Next catastrophe. Idiots!

#155
-I hate him so much.

#156
-I hate him so much.

#157
-Save it for our weekend bike ride.

#158
-Save it for our weekend bike ride.

#159
Dr Cox, want to try one of my world famous devilled eggs?

#160
Dr Cox, want to try one of my world famous devilled eggs?

#161
-No, I've already had diarrhoea.

#162
-No, I've already had diarrhoea.

#163
Carla, I just wanted to see how you're, uh...

#164
Carla, I just wanted to see how you're, uh...

#165
It's always tough when you have to bury your old mom, isn't it?

#166
It's always tough when you have to bury your old mom, isn't it?

#167
-Mm hmm.

#168
-Mm hmm.

#169
What was your mother's funeral like? -Wouldn't know, skipped it. But my aunt told my father it was moving.

#170
What was your mother's funeral like? -Wouldn't know, skipped it. But my aunt told my father it was moving.

#171
What was your mother's funeral like? -Wouldn't know, skipped it. But my aunt told my father it was moving.

#172
-Oh, gosh!

#173
-Oh, gosh!

#174
(BOTH LAUGH)

#175
(BOTH LAUGH)

#176
'Wow, the past and the present.'

#177
'Whenever I see two women I've been intimate with talking, I have the same fantasy.'

#178
'Whenever I see two women I've been intimate with talking, I have the same fantasy.'

#179
'Whenever I see two women I've been intimate with talking, I have the same fantasy.'

#180
C'mon, ladies! It's right hand, left hand, shoulder pop, jump!

#181
C'mon, ladies! It's right hand, left hand, shoulder pop, jump!

#182
Right hand, left hand, shoulder pop, jump!

#183
Right hand, left hand, shoulder pop, jump!

#184
# Get up, get on up

#185
# Get up, get on up

#186
# Stay on the scene, get on up

#187
# Stay on the scene, get on up

#188
# Like a sex machine, get on up

#189
# Get up #

#190
# Get up #

#191
What you talking about? -Not the Rerun dance.

#192
What you talking about? -Not the Rerun dance.

#193
'I tell her way too much.' -You left stuff at my apartment.

#194
'I tell her way too much.' -You left stuff at my apartment.

#195
-Thanks. -See ya. -Mmm.

#196
-Thanks. -See ya. -Mmm.

#197
-Wanna know why things with Jamie are lamey? -We're fine.

#198
-Wanna know why things with Jamie are lamey? -We're fine.

#199
-She's clearing you out! -Wrong!

#200
She came by because she knows today at work I need my... squash goggles

#201
She came by because she knows today at work I need my... squash goggles

#202
-Hmm. -I have to saw something later.

#203
-Hmm. -I have to saw something later.

#204
-She's a drama queen. When her husband was in a coma it was exciting,

#205
-She's a drama queen. When her husband was in a coma it was exciting,

#206
but now that it's OK for the two of you to be together, it's got no snap.

#207
but now that it's OK for the two of you to be together, it's got no snap.

#208
but now that it's OK for the two of you to be together, it's got no snap.

#209
It's got no crackle.

#210
JD, it's got no pop.

#211
JD, it's got no pop.

#212
I know, because I'm a drama queen, too.

#213
I know, because I'm a drama queen, too.

#214
-Well, Jamie's not like you, OK?

#215
-Well, Jamie's not like you, OK?

#216
-No pop! -De-de-de-de!

#217
-No pop! -De-de-de-de!

#218
-Nine pounds in a week!

#219
-Nine pounds in a week!

#220
Let me ask you a quick question? Are you trying to make my head explode?

#221
Let me ask you a quick question? Are you trying to make my head explode?

#222
Cos you have no idea how frustrating it is working your ass off

#223
Cos you have no idea how frustrating it is working your ass off

#224
trying to inflate a tiny balloon inside someone's clogged artery,

#225
trying to inflate a tiny balloon inside someone's clogged artery,

#226
and all that person has to do is, I don't know, go for a walk in the morning,

#227
and all that person has to do is, I don't know, go for a walk in the morning,

#228
or choke down a fresh green salad and you come back looking like that!

#229
or choke down a fresh green salad and you come back looking like that!

#230
And I know, I know, here I'm supposed to be Doctor Give-A-Crap,

#231
And I know, I know, here I'm supposed to be Doctor Give-A-Crap,

#232
you wanna know the truth and this is a fact,

#233
you wanna know the truth and this is a fact,

#234
you are what you eat, and you went and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?

#235
you are what you eat, and you went and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?

#236
-See, Doctor Cox, this is, uh, the sort of hostile behaviour

#237
-See, Doctor Cox, this is, uh, the sort of hostile behaviour

#238
that can cause us legal difficulty.

#239
-Ted, I just may rip that tie off and jam it down your oesophagus.

#240
-Ted, I just may rip that tie off and jam it down your oesophagus.

#241
-Ted, I just may rip that tie off and jam it down your oesophagus.

#242
-I think you proved at Nurse Roberts' pool party that that doesn't solve anything.

#243
-I think you proved at Nurse Roberts' pool party that that doesn't solve anything.

#244
-Dammit, you can't just go around browbeating nut jobs and bullying fatties.

#245
-Dammit, you can't just go around browbeating nut jobs and bullying fatties.

#246
-I'm not a resident, so I'm not going to your seminar, so, in essence there, big Bob,

#247
-I'm not a resident, so I'm not going to your seminar, so, in essence there, big Bob,

#248
-I'm not a resident, so I'm not going to your seminar, so, in essence there, big Bob,

#249
there's really nothing you can do to me at all, is there?

#250
there's really nothing you can do to me at all, is there?

#251
Hello, class, my name is Doctor Perry Cox,

#252
Hello, class, my name is Doctor Perry Cox,

#253
I'm going to be your teacher.

#254
No. No.

#255
No. No.

#256
No!

#257
No!

#258
(SIGHS)

#259
-Hey.

#260
-Hey.

#261
You OK? -Great! What are you doing home so early?

#262
You OK? -Great! What are you doing home so early?

#263
-I just came to check on you. You looking at pictures?

#264
-I just came to check on you. You looking at pictures?

#265
-Yeah.

#266
I know she was old.

#267
I know she was old.

#268
Still she was my best friend.

#269
Still she was my best friend.

#270
I mean, what are you supposed to do without your mom?

#271
I mean, what are you supposed to do without your mom?

#272
-You can let your man fill a little bit of the hole that she left.

#273
-You can let your man fill a little bit of the hole that she left.

#274
-She would like that.

#275
-She would like that.

#276
-Baby, she hated me. -Yeah, she did.

#277
-Baby, she hated me. -Yeah, she did.

#278
-Holy sh... -Shh!

#279
-Holy sh... -Shh!

#280
(WHISPERS) Didn't mean to scare you. (WHISPERS) Why are we whispering?

#281
(WHISPERS) Didn't mean to scare you. (WHISPERS) Why are we whispering?

#282
-I wanted to see if you would whisper because I did. -I think I would.

#283
-I wanted to see if you would whisper because I did. -I think I would.

#284
-Anyway, what's the deal? We're supposed to be shorts buddies today.

#285
-Anyway, what's the deal? We're supposed to be shorts buddies today.

#286
Monday, Tuesday shorts, Wednesday wash 'em, Thursday, Friday shorts,

#287
Monday, Tuesday shorts, Wednesday wash 'em, Thursday, Friday shorts,

#288
weekend optional. I'll be wearing shorts. -I was gonna wear 'em,

#289
weekend optional. I'll be wearing shorts. -I was gonna wear 'em,

#290
but someone stole 'em. -What? -Yes! -Let me see.

#291
but someone stole 'em. -What? -Yes! -Let me see.

#292
'As a doctor, you get -good at thinking on your feet.'

#293
'As a doctor, you get -good at thinking on your feet.'

#294
'I was able to protect the Janitor's feelings. He totally bought it.'

#295
'I was able to protect the Janitor's feelings. He totally bought it.'

#296
-Mentiroso!

#297
-This burger's really meaty.

#298
-This burger's really meaty.

#299
I'm serious, you can really taste all the meat.

#300
I'm serious, you can really taste all the meat.

#301
-I'm gonna go put my sweats on. -You're already wearing sweats.

#302
-I'm gonna go put my sweats on. -You're already wearing sweats.

#303
-I gotta get up early, so maybe you should crash at your place tonight.

#304
-I gotta get up early, so maybe you should crash at your place tonight.

#305
'Well look, she probably does have -to get up early, so, just be cool.'

#306
'Well look, she probably does have -to get up early, so, just be cool.'

#307
I'm sorry, it was an accident, I...

#308
I'm sorry, it was an accident, I...

#309
-Don't lie, I asked you to go, so you punched through my coffee table.

#310
-Don't lie, I asked you to go, so you punched through my coffee table.

#311
'Oh, my God, she does want drama.'

#312
'Oh, my God, she does want drama.'

#313
Sometimes you make me so crazy!

#314
Sometimes you make me so crazy!

#315
-Come here, I'll take care of you.

#316
-Come here, I'll take care of you.

#317
'This is totally normal.'

#318
'This is totally normal.'

#319
'I mean, in relationships you have to roll with the punches.'

#320
'I mean, in relationships you have to roll with the punches.'

#321
'Even the ones you don't see coming.'

#322
-If there were anything I could do to make you feel better, I'd do it.

#323
-If there were anything I could do to make you feel better, I'd do it.

#324
-Let's get married now.

#325
-Let's get married now.

#326
-She wants to get married now?! -She says it's romantic to be spontaneous.

#327
-She wants to get married now?! -She says it's romantic to be spontaneous.

#328
-She wants to get married now?! -She says it's romantic to be spontaneous.

#329
-That is romantic. So, how pregnant is she?

#330
-She's not pregnant. I was getting really psyched for this wedding.

#331
-She's not pregnant. I was getting really psyched for this wedding.

#332
The dancing, you would've hooked up with one of Carla's sisters.-Which one? -The drunkest one.

#333
The dancing, you would've hooked up with one of Carla's sisters.-Which one? -The drunkest one.

#334
The dancing, you would've hooked up with one of Carla's sisters.-Which one? -The drunkest one.

#335
Plus, now there's no bachelor party, and you being best man would've hooked it up.

#336
Plus, now there's no bachelor party, and you being best man would've hooked it up.

#337
-Alright, guys, let's make it happen.

#338
-Alright, guys, let's make it happen.

#339
# "Sex Machine" - James Brown

#340
-Dude!

#341
-Dude!

#342
-It would've been awesome.

#343
-It would've been awesome.

#344
-I'm having a hard time getting excited, know what I mean?

#345
-I'm having a hard time getting excited, know what I mean?

#346
-You work here so we could do the ceremony for about $40.

#347
-You work here so we could do the ceremony for about $40.

#348
-Praise Jesus!

#349
'As for my relationship, I was doing -anything to keep the drama alive.'

#350
'As for my relationship, I was doing -anything to keep the drama alive.'

#351
Jamie and I are gonna be together, and I don't care what you think, Mom.

#352
Jamie and I are gonna be together, and I don't care what you think, Mom.

#353
Because I don't want salad, that's why. (GASPS)

#354
Because I don't want salad, that's why. (GASPS)

#355
-Jamie and I are gonna be together, and I don't care what you think, Dad.

#356
-Jamie and I are gonna be together, and I don't care what you think, Dad.

#357
I'm warning you, stop eyeballing my woman.

#358
-Actually, JD, I think it was that guy.

#359
-Actually, JD, I think it was that guy.

#360
-No, it was definitely that guy.

#361
-No, it was definitely that guy.

#362
'Unfortunately, I was running out of ideas.'

#363
'Unfortunately, I was running out of ideas.'

#364
-So how is the drama queen doing? -I don't know, how are you? Zing!

#365
-So how is the drama queen doing? -I don't know, how are you? Zing!

#366
-Why can't you just admit I'm right? -Because you're not right.

#367
-Why can't you just admit I'm right? -Because you're not right.

#368
-No pop!

#369
-No pop!

#370
-What the hell was that all about?

#371
-What the hell was that all about?

#372
'I wouldn't stoop this low for drama.'

#373
We used to be a couple and, now, guess who wants me back?

#374
We used to be a couple and, now, guess who wants me back?

#375
'Fine, I'd stoop.' -Oh, she better watch it.

#376
'Fine, I'd stoop.' -Oh, she better watch it.

#377
-Honey, I don't want you using the stove on your own.

#378
-Honey, I don't want you using the stove on your own.

#379
-I asked for a pillow an hour ago. -I'm talking to my husband.

#380
-I asked for a pillow an hour ago. -I'm talking to my husband.

#381
So, why don't you get your own damn pillow?! What?

#382
So, why don't you get your own damn pillow?! What?

#383
-And they stuck you in here for that?

#384
-And they stuck you in here for that?

#385
-I apologized to the man. Anybody can have a bad day!

#386
-And what about you there, Beavis? -Oh, uh...

#387
-And what about you there, Beavis? -Oh, uh...

#388
-You know, doctor, I'm getting a little tired of the sexual innuendo.

#389
-You know, doctor, I'm getting a little tired of the sexual innuendo.

#390
-In your endo.

#391
-That's great stuff.

#392
-That's great stuff.

#393
Ted, why don't you be a sport and get us started?

#394
Ted, why don't you be a sport and get us started?

#395
(CLEARS THROAT) Uh, people,...

#396
(CLEARS THROAT) Uh, people,...

#397
we're here today - -Snore! New idea,

#398
we're here today - -Snore! New idea,

#399
we're all gonna clam up so I can get some shuteye.

#400
we're all gonna clam up so I can get some shuteye.

#401
And nervous guy? -Yes, Dr Cox? -If I were you, I'd go ahead

#402
And nervous guy? -Yes, Dr Cox? -If I were you, I'd go ahead

#403
swallow that mouthful of carrots cos if I hear you make one more crunch,

#404
swallow that mouthful of carrots cos if I hear you make one more crunch,

#405
I'm gonna use the remainder of the carrots to make you completely airtight, son.

#406
I'm gonna use the remainder of the carrots to make you completely airtight, son.

#407
(CHOKES)

#408
-Hey, Jamie. -Hey, slut.

#409
-Hey, Jamie. -Hey, slut.

#410
-I can explain why Jamie said that.

#411
-I can explain why Jamie said that.

#412
Know how Turk says, "Hey, playa" when he means, "Hey, buddy"? -Yeah.

#413
Know how Turk says, "Hey, playa" when he means, "Hey, buddy"? -Yeah.

#414
-Well, Jamie's from Cincinnati and in Cincinnati they say, "Hey, slut."

#415
-Well, Jamie's from Cincinnati and in Cincinnati they say, "Hey, slut."

#416
-Oh. Neat.

#417
-Turk, are you sure you're happy we're doing this?

#418
-Turk, are you sure you're happy we're doing this?

#419
-Are you kidding me? This is my ideal wedding. It's cheap, no hassle,

#420
-Are you kidding me? This is my ideal wedding. It's cheap, no hassle,

#421
plus, you said you'd call my mom and explain she wasn't invited. -Didn't.

#422
plus, you said you'd call my mom and explain she wasn't invited. -Didn't.

#423
What's in it for me? -This!

#424
What's in it for me? -This!

#425
(GASPS)

#426
(GASPS)

#427
My God! -Mm hmm.

#428
Give me the phone, I'll call her right now.

#429
Give me the phone, I'll call her right now.

#430
-You are such a momma's boy. -Please.

#431
-You are such a momma's boy. -Please.

#432
Dial "Mommy."

#433
-Dammit, Perry, you're there to teach!

#434
-Dammit, Perry, you're there to teach!

#435
If I wanted somebody to lay around doing nothing, I'd have wheeled in a corpse, or my housekeeper, Rosalba.

#436
If I wanted somebody to lay around doing nothing, I'd have wheeled in a corpse, or my housekeeper, Rosalba.

#437
If I wanted somebody to lay around doing nothing, I'd have wheeled in a corpse, or my housekeeper, Rosalba.

#438
-Captain Clip On, did you go ahead and tattle on me?

#439
-Captain Clip On, did you go ahead and tattle on me?

#440
-Oh, please, with the shocked look.

#441
News flash, I'm sterile.

#442
News flash, I'm sterile.

#443
I mean gutless.

#444
I mean gutless.

#445
My guys swim in circles.

#446
My guys swim in circles.

#447
I think it's the bike riding.

#448
I think it's the bike riding.

#449
Hey, Elliot. -Hey, slut.

#450
-Excuse me? -Uh, Carla, could you give me and Elliot a second,

#451
-Excuse me? -Uh, Carla, could you give me and Elliot a second,

#452
I got to talk to her privately. Thank you.

#453
I got to talk to her privately. Thank you.

#454
Hey, uh, I just wanted to say you were right about Jamie. -Why does Jamie think you're here?

#455
Hey, uh, I just wanted to say you were right about Jamie. -Why does Jamie think you're here?

#456
Hey, uh, I just wanted to say you were right about Jamie. -Why does Jamie think you're here?

#457
-Asking you not to show up drunk and crying. You know what's weird?

#458
-Asking you not to show up drunk and crying. You know what's weird?

#459
I really like this girl, but I'm not sure I can keep it going with all the drama.

#460
I really like this girl, but I'm not sure I can keep it going with all the drama.

#461
-You have to gamble that once the drama's gone, there'll be something.

#462
-You have to gamble that once the drama's gone, there'll be something.

#463
If not, it's her loss.

#464
If not, it's her loss.

#465
Still, if it helps.

#466
-Thanks. -Mm hmm.

#467
-Thanks. -Mm hmm.

#468
OK, here we go.

#469
When hospital employees fail to communicate with patients,

#470
When hospital employees fail to communicate with patients,

#471
ethical and legal ramifications can lead to financial hardships

#472
ethical and legal ramifications can lead to financial hardships

#473
for the institution and personal grievances against its...

#474
for the institution and personal grievances against its...

#475
..doctors. Huh? -Dr Cox, this is useless, I thought we were going to learn.

#476
..doctors. Huh? -Dr Cox, this is useless, I thought we were going to learn.

#477
-Barbie, why'd they toss you in here?

#478
-Barbie, why'd they toss you in here?

#479
-Oh, they didn't. I'm, uh,...

#480
..uh, I'm auditing.

#481
..uh, I'm auditing.

#482
-Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

#483
-Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

#484
You wanna know the real skinny?

#485
If you wanna be good doctors and nurses, you'd better get ready to get in trouble a lot,

#486
If you wanna be good doctors and nurses, you'd better get ready to get in trouble a lot,

#487
If you wanna be good doctors and nurses, you'd better get ready to get in trouble a lot,

#488
because patients are stupid and really scared.

#489
Some need you to hold their hands, you should.

#490
Some need you to hold their hands, you should.

#491
Others need you to kick their asses and you should.

#492
Others need you to kick their asses and you should.

#493
Really all comes down to whether you've the guts to say exactly

#494
Really all comes down to whether you've the guts to say exactly

#495
what you know in your heart you should say.

#496
what you know in your heart you should say.

#497
-So, Ted,

#498
how's Professor Cox doing? -Excellent, sir.

#499
how's Professor Cox doing? -Excellent, sir.

#500
-Ha ha! -And you know what else?

#501
-Ha ha! -And you know what else?

#502
I quit. -No, you don't. -Well, I'm leaving early today.

#503
I quit. -No, you don't. -Well, I'm leaving early today.

#504
-No, you're coming to my office and doing busy work. -I'm getting a soda first.

#505
-No, you're coming to my office and doing busy work. -I'm getting a soda first.

#506
-No, you're coming to my office and doing busy work. -I'm getting a soda first.

#507
-Whatever.

#508
# "Don't You (Forget About Me)" - -Simple Minds

#509
# "Don't You (Forget About Me)" - -Simple Minds

#510
-Doctor. -Janitor.

#511
What's that smell?

#512
What's that smell?

#513
-I don't know, although it smells a little bit like... the truth.

#514
-I don't know, although it smells a little bit like... the truth.

#515
-Ugh! -My poor wife slaved over these!

#516
-Ugh! -My poor wife slaved over these!

#517
-She cut a pair of scrubs and hemmed the bottom, what's the big deal?

#518
-She cut a pair of scrubs and hemmed the bottom, what's the big deal?

#519
-What's the big deal? The Lord didn't bless my wife with all ten fingers.

#520
-What's the big deal? The Lord didn't bless my wife with all ten fingers.

#521
She's only got pointer and thumb-pinky.

#522
She's only got pointer and thumb-pinky.

#523
-Look, I'm sorry, OK, for so many things.

#524
-Look, I'm sorry, OK, for so many things.

#525
But I'm a doctor, I can't wear shorts to work.

#526
But I'm a doctor, I can't wear shorts to work.

#527
-You can't wear shorts to work? -Nope.

#528
-You can't wear shorts to work? -Nope.

#529
Not allowed.

#530
Not allowed.

#531
-Thanks. What's up with the man thong?

#532
-Oh, nothing, I'm just trying to mend some fences.

#533
-Oh, nothing, I'm just trying to mend some fences.

#534
-So, do you think Elliot's somewhere right now, crying her eyes out?

#535
-So, do you think Elliot's somewhere right now, crying her eyes out?

#536
-So, do you think Elliot's somewhere right now, crying her eyes out?

#537
-Oh, without a doubt.

#538
But not about me.

#539
But not about me.

#540
Oh, I... I kinda made all that stuff up

#541
Oh, I... I kinda made all that stuff up

#542
It just seems you and I only click when something crazy's going on.

#543
It just seems you and I only click when something crazy's going on.

#544
-Oh. -And I guess I've realized I don't really wanna be in a relationship like that.

#545
-Oh. -And I guess I've realized I don't really wanna be in a relationship like that.

#546
-Oh. -And I guess I've realized I don't really wanna be in a relationship like that.

#547
-Is that an ultimatum? -No, Jamie,

#548
no, it's not an ultimatum, it's just something to think about.

#549
no, it's not an ultimatum, it's just something to think about.

#550
(WATCH BEEPS)

#551
(WATCH BEEPS)

#552
Oh, shoot, I gotta go.

#553
Oh, shoot, I gotta go.

#554
-You guys are having problems?

#555
-You guys are having problems?

#556
-Yeah.

#557
-Hey, sorry I'm late.

#558
-Hey, sorry I'm late.

#559
-It's just not a wedding without a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader is it?

#560
-It's just not a wedding without a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader is it?

#561
-Ready, sweetie? -Since the day I met you.

#562
-Ready, sweetie? -Since the day I met you.

#563
'Sometimes it takes a priest to keep -you from making a big mistake.'

#564
'Sometimes it takes a priest to keep -you from making a big mistake.'

#565
-Christopher, before we begin, will you remind me of the bride's name.

#566
-Christopher, before we begin, will you remind me of the bride's name.

#567
-Carla.

#568
-I know it's silly and it's only for one day,

#569
-I know it's silly and it's only for one day,

#570
but since I was little, all I wanted was to have a beautiful wedding.

#571
but since I was little, all I wanted was to have a beautiful wedding.

#572
-Baby, you don't wanna do this. -What?

#573
-Baby, you don't wanna do this. -What?

#574
-Since your mother passed, you probably felt like you don't have any family,

#575
-Since your mother passed, you probably felt like you don't have any family,

#576
but I'm family, whether we do it now, or wait and do it like you wanted.

#577
but I'm family, whether we do it now, or wait and do it like you wanted.

#578
but I'm family, whether we do it now, or wait and do it like you wanted.

#579
-Holy cow, talk about your gigantic time wasters.

#580
-Holy cow, talk about your gigantic time wasters.

#581
-Tell me about it. -Come on. Lighten up, slut.

#582
-Tell me about it. -Come on. Lighten up, slut.

#583
-What, now?

#584
'I think relationships can be defined -by big moments that don't happen.'

#585
'I think relationships can be defined -by big moments that don't happen.'

#586
'Or by the little ones that do.'

#587
-Ah, that's the stuff.

#588
-Ah, that's the stuff.

#589
'But once you get past the drama, -it's actually pretty simple.'

#590
'But once you get past the drama, -it's actually pretty simple.'

#591
'All we have to do

#592
'All we have to do

#593
is whatever it takes to make her happy.'

#594
-Four thousand six hundred and six...?!

#595
-Four thousand six hundred and six...?!

#596
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

#597
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

#598
Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#599
Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

Season 2, Episode 21 — My Drama Queen

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