Home » Scrubs » S05E02 — My Rite of Passage

Scrubs

Season 5, Episode 2 — My Rite of Passage

#1
Turk, I'm gonna go get some coffee. Want one?

#2
Get me a small one-pump mocha.

#3
Get me a small one-pump mocha.

#4
The perfect setup to a joke, but no one's around to hear!

#5
The perfect setup to a joke, but no one's around to hear!

#6
Dude! Oh, God!

#7
No! Dude!

#8
- So, what did you want me to get you? - A small one-pump mocha?

#9
Wasn't that your nickname in high school? Hello!

#10
Wasn't that your nickname in high school? Hello!

#11
There's a guy waiting to have his spleen removed!

#12
It was worth it.

#13
It was worth it.

#14
- Let's go, Per! - I have been waiting for an hour.

#15
- Let's go, Per! - I have been waiting for an hour.

#16
I know. I was leafing through a magazine

#17
I know. I was leafing through a magazine

#18
and watching you on the security cameras.

#19
My favourite part is when you said, "Screw her!" and stormed out

#20
My favourite part is when you said, "Screw her!" and stormed out

#21
but came back 'cause you realised I have the keys.

#22
but came back 'cause you realised I have the keys.

#23
Jordan, now that you work here every day, if the carpool torturing persists,

#24
Jordan, now that you work here every day, if the carpool torturing persists,

#25
I'm gonna put Plexiglas down the middle of the car

#26
I'm gonna put Plexiglas down the middle of the car

#27
so you can't drive me crazy. You can't.

#28
Unfortunately, your door handle doesn't work from the inside,

#29
Unfortunately, your door handle doesn't work from the inside,

#30
which simply means that if we're in a fiery crash,

#31
which simply means that if we're in a fiery crash,

#32
you won't be able to get out.

#33
you won't be able to get out.

#34
However, that's a risk I'm sure willing to take.

#35
Jorderoo?

#36
Hello?

#37
I'm in here! You can't see me!

#38
I'm in here! You can't see me!

#39
Jordan!

#40
Not everyone was in hell at their job.

#41
There was only one thing Elliot didn't like about her new hospital:

#42
There was only one thing Elliot didn't like about her new hospital:

#43
Charlie, her co-fellow.

#44
Charlie, her co-fellow.

#45
(Screams)

#46
Good morning, Charlie.

#47
Wanna work on osteogenesis imperfecta therapy with me?

#48
Wanna work on osteogenesis imperfecta therapy with me?

#49
I'll tell you the same thing as when you popped out of that HAZMAT bin:

#50
I'll tell you the same thing as when you popped out of that HAZMAT bin:

#51
I work alone, and you have somebody else's blood on your neck.

#52
I work alone, and you have somebody else's blood on your neck.

#53
Take a shower, man.

#54
Fine. I'll just go.

#55
(Screams)

#56
(Screams)

#57
Yes!

#58
That is an intern in a bald cap.

#59
That is an intern in a bald cap.

#60
I hate ya, Charlie.

#61
I hate ya, Charlie.

#62
Hippocratic oath on three!

#63
- One, two, three! - "First do no harm"!

#64
- One, two, three! - "First do no harm"!

#65
There it is! All right, kick some ass today, guys!

#66
There it is! All right, kick some ass today, guys!

#67
Except for Mr Woodson in 302. He's got that rectal tear...

#68
Except for Mr Woodson in 302. He's got that rectal tear...

#69
You seem to be developing a rapport with your interns.

#70
We even built a house for the homeless.

#71
We even built a house for the homeless.

#72
How'd that go?

#73
(LAUGHTER)

#74
(LAUGHTER)

#75
Rex.

#76
In my defence, who wears a tie to a construction site?

#77
In my defence, who wears a tie to a construction site?

#78
I believe in team-building. And I'd make my interns agree with me,

#79
I believe in team-building. And I'd make my interns agree with me,

#80
but they're in a timeout because one used the phrase, "Let's rock and roll."

#81
but they're in a timeout because one used the phrase, "Let's rock and roll."

#82
When you're an intern, you get treated like crap.

#83
When you're an intern, you get treated like crap.

#84
When you're in a position of power, you do the same.

#85
It's inevitable, like the tide or the awkward toast I'll have to give

#86
It's inevitable, like the tide or the awkward toast I'll have to give

#87
at my son's big gay wedding.

#88
at my son's big gay wedding.

#89
Mark my words: You'll treat them like dirt like the rest of us do.

#90
Mark my words: You'll treat them like dirt like the rest of us do.

#91
Sir, I'd love to chat, but it's already eight. I gotta rock and roll.

#92
Sir, I'd love to chat, but it's already eight. I gotta rock and roll.

#93
I beg your pardon?

#94
- I'm an attending! - Tell it to the wall, Newbie!

#95
- I'm an attending! - Tell it to the wall, Newbie!

#96
- The answer's two. - What?

#97
How many janitors does it take to change a light bulb? Two.

#98
How many janitors does it take to change a light bulb? Two.

#99
That doesn't make sense. Hank's an electrician.

#100
That doesn't make sense. Hank's an electrician.

#101
- And you are not funny. - I'm very funny.

#102
I made a killer "one-pump mocha" joke. Everybody laughed.

#103
I made a killer "one-pump mocha" joke. Everybody laughed.

#104
I bet nobody laughed. You didn't notice

#105
I bet nobody laughed. You didn't notice

#106
'cause you were doing that self-laugh you do

#107
'cause you were doing that self-laugh you do

#108
when you think you're being funny.

#109
Wasn't that your nickname in high school? (Laughs)

#110
Wasn't that your nickname in high school? (Laughs)

#111
Anyhoo, have a good one, Lurch.

#112
Anyhoo, have a good one, Lurch.

#113
I had to skedaddle because today was burger day in the caf.

#114
And that meant one thing:

#115
And that meant one thing:

#116
75 hungry employees, and one bottle of ketchup.

#117
75 hungry employees, and one bottle of ketchup.

#118
- Got the ketchup. - And here is your burger.

#119
- Got the ketchup. - And here is your burger.

#120
Oh, frick, I forgot my burger!

#121
No, she didn't.

#122
Elliot never invites us to her hospital.

#123
- She doesn't want you embarrassing her. - How would we embarrass her?

#124
- She doesn't want you embarrassing her. - How would we embarrass her?

#125
Maybe by diagnosing your female patients with "Turk fever"?

#126
Maybe by diagnosing your female patients with "Turk fever"?

#127
- A lot of women suffer from that. - It's true. I even had it.

#128
- A lot of women suffer from that. - It's true. I even had it.

#129
Or that stupid Siamese twin thing you do?

#130
Or that stupid Siamese twin thing you do?

#131
Multi-Ethnic Siamese Doctor? Bite, please.

#132
Multi-Ethnic Siamese Doctor? Bite, please.

#133
Here it is.

#134
That's headed right to our joint colon.

#135
Yeah, I think I've made my point.

#136
Yeah, I think I've made my point.

#137
So tell me something, Carla, has she invited you to her new hospital?

#138
So tell me something, Carla, has she invited you to her new hospital?

#139
Hmm?

#140
Hmm?

#141
Victory sip!

#142
Daphne, ketchup!

#143
Is this seat taken?

#144
Is this seat taken?

#145
Ketchup is for winners, Ted.

#146
Jordan, you have to make other friends in this place.

#147
Jordan, you have to make other friends in this place.

#148
The only respite I get is when we're making love

#149
and I pretend you're someone else.

#150
and I pretend you're someone else.

#151
Yeah, I usually pretend we're doing something else.

#152
Yeah, I usually pretend we're doing something else.

#153
(Laughs)

#154
Damn it!

#155
Damn it!

#156
I am your new friend, so suck it!

#157
I am your new friend, so suck it!

#158
- I gotta go talk to my boys. - I have to go talk to Elliot.

#159
- I gotta go talk to my boys. - I have to go talk to Elliot.

#160
Don't leave me!

#161
So I hear you and the wife are trying for a boy. Little tip:

#162
So I hear you and the wife are trying for a boy. Little tip:

#163
The night that Perry and I conceived Jack, he was on top,

#164
The night that Perry and I conceived Jack, he was on top,

#165
it was about three days before my ovulation... yeah.

#166
it was about three days before my ovulation... yeah.

#167
Oh, and he was choking me. Oh, it was so good.

#168
Oh, and he was choking me. Oh, it was so good.

#169
OK, I'm just gonna...

#170
My boys need the ketchup!

#171
My boys need the ketchup!

#172
That's a lot of boys. Rex gets first dibs

#173
because I opened his chest with a buzz saw.

#174
because I opened his chest with a buzz saw.

#175
J.D! Ketchup!

#176
J.D! Ketchup!

#177
I gotta get back to my hospital.

#178
I gotta get back to my hospital.

#179
I was thinking I'd come by and visit you tomorrow.

#180
I was thinking I'd come by and visit you tomorrow.

#181
Tomorrow's not great,

#182
but we'll definitely do it sometime, in the future.

#183
but we'll definitely do it sometime, in the future.

#184
We were having Mexican food, drinking margaritas...

#185
We were having Mexican food, drinking margaritas...

#186
- Carla? What are you doing here? - Let me finish telling them this story.

#187
- Carla? What are you doing here? - Let me finish telling them this story.

#188
We were at this tiny little ATM machine...

#189
We were at this tiny little ATM machine...

#190
I knew I shouldn't have had that chimichanga. I have to... you know...

#191
I knew I shouldn't have had that chimichanga. I have to... you know...

#192
Hmm? F-F...

#193
Hmm? F-F...

#194
Oh. Go for it. There's guys here. They'll never think it was you.

#195
Oh. Go for it. There's guys here. They'll never think it was you.

#196
(Squeaky fart)

#197
I think that blonde girl just farted.

#198
I think that blonde girl just farted.

#199
- Remember that, Elliot? - Yeah, I remember.

#200
- Remember that, Elliot? - Yeah, I remember.

#201
Those two new nurses have wonderful breasts.

#202
Those two new nurses have wonderful breasts.

#203
Hey! They have names.

#204
Tina, Marge, Sloppy and Mr Snuggles.

#205
Tina, Marge, Sloppy and Mr Snuggles.

#206
Sloppy's bigger than Mr Snuggles.

#207
Sloppy's bigger than Mr Snuggles.

#208
- What are you guys talking about? - Oh, we were just...

#209
- What are you guys talking about? - Oh, we were just...

#210
Guess they all had someplace to be.

#211
Guess they all had someplace to be.

#212
- Just go! - OK!

#213
Hey! If you feel like talking, I've got a dandy conversation starter.

#214
Hey! If you feel like talking, I've got a dandy conversation starter.

#215
I have had someone else's fingers in four, count 'em, four,

#216
I have had someone else's fingers in four, count 'em, four,

#217
different orifices today.

#218
different orifices today.

#219
Oh, must be your birthday.

#220
OK, gang, I'll meet you up in Radiology to talk about Mr Heath's CAT scan.

#221
OK, gang, I'll meet you up in Radiology to talk about Mr Heath's CAT scan.

#222
His tumour's getting so big, it's starting to look like a "threemor"!

#223
His tumour's getting so big, it's starting to look like a "threemor"!

#224
Not funny.

#225
Not funny.

#226
Have you followed me around all day dressed like an intern?

#227
Yes. You're a terrible teacher. I'm not prepared to operate on anyone.

#228
Yes. You're a terrible teacher. I'm not prepared to operate on anyone.

#229
Whatever. If it wasn't funny, why did they laugh?

#230
Whatever. If it wasn't funny, why did they laugh?

#231
Wake up and smell the urinal I haven't cleaned in years!

#232
Wake up and smell the urinal I haven't cleaned in years!

#233
Everybody kisses the ass of the person above them.

#234
Everybody kisses the ass of the person above them.

#235
I was going to be a cardiologist, but I didn't have the heart.

#236
I was going to be a cardiologist, but I didn't have the heart.

#237
(Laughs)

#238
(Laughs)

#239
I was going to be a psychiatrist, but I was a-Freud.

#240
I was going to be a psychiatrist, but I was a-Freud.

#241
(Laughs) Yeah!

#242
(Laughs) Yeah!

#243
I was gonna be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.

#244
I was gonna be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.

#245
(Laughs)

#246
I was gonna be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.

#247
I was gonna be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.

#248
(Laughs) That's funny.

#249
(Laughs) That's funny.

#250
You know, I was gonna have her bring you some chicken, but it was fowl!

#251
(Barks) I know.

#252
You get it now? Your relationship with your interns is a sham.

#253
You get it now? Your relationship with your interns is a sham.

#254
That dog just laughed at a pun.

#255
That dog just laughed at a pun.

#256
Not gonna lie to you, that hurts.

#257
- Tell me about your kid. - Oh, how'd you know I was a mom?

#258
- Tell me about your kid. - Oh, how'd you know I was a mom?

#259
As a parent myself, I can read the signs.

#260
As a parent myself, I can read the signs.

#261
And let us not forget the understated coffee mug.

#262
And let us not forget the understated coffee mug.

#263
- How do I know that guy? - Maybe you used to date him?

#264
- How do I know that guy? - Maybe you used to date him?

#265
Oh, that's so clever. I'm gay. Wow, that's good.

#266
Oh, that's so clever. I'm gay. Wow, that's good.

#267
I'm tired. Maybe he is from the International Pretentious Association,

#268
I'm tired. Maybe he is from the International Pretentious Association,

#269
and he's here to remove your goatee.

#270
and he's here to remove your goatee.

#271
What do you have, a boy or a girl?

#272
What do you have, a boy or a girl?

#273
I have a little girl. I don't get to see her often enough.

#274
I have a little girl. I don't get to see her often enough.

#275
See, I don't know, a few years ago I had a little business problem.

#276
See, I don't know, a few years ago I had a little business problem.

#277
- What was your business? - Import-export.

#278
- What was your business? - Import-export.

#279
Import heroin into my bloodstream,

#280
I would export vomit and urine into whatever alley would have me as a guest.

#281
I would export vomit and urine into whatever alley would have me as a guest.

#282
Sorry, that's a little smile I get when I'm silently judging someone.

#283
Sorry, that's a little smile I get when I'm silently judging someone.

#284
The thing is, it's Jenny's sixth birthday on Monday,

#285
and I'm not really sure that I can fly out and make it.

#286
and I'm not really sure that I can fly out and make it.

#287
It's... it's hard to get a job, you know?

#288
It's... it's hard to get a job, you know?

#289
Money's tight, I've got hospital bills that I can't pay.

#290
Money's tight, I've got hospital bills that I can't pay.

#291
- Sam, I am so sorry. - Yeah...

#292
- Sam, I am so sorry. - Yeah...

#293
I know who he is!

#294
I know who he is!

#295
- One little problem... - Oh, my God! Just give me the drugs!

#296
- One little problem... - Oh, my God! Just give me the drugs!

#297
For God's sake, I've been working you from every angle!

#298
For God's sake, I've been working you from every angle!

#299
That's the junkie who conned Elliot into giving him meds!

#300
It just got interesting, people!

#301
The Janitor was wrong.

#302
The Janitor was wrong.

#303
My interns weren't laughing at my jokes because I'm their boss!

#304
It made me think about how some people don't wanna open the door,

#305
It made me think about how some people don't wanna open the door,

#306
walk in and see the truth.

#307
walk in and see the truth.

#308
Why did you come here, Carla?

#309
Why did you come here, Carla?

#310
You're mad at me? Why didn't you want me to come to your job?

#311
You're mad at me? Why didn't you want me to come to your job?

#312
Hey, Bankfarter! If you want, we're all going down for lunch.

#313
You tell me.

#314
You tell me.

#315
After all, the truth can reveal the ugliest part of people.

#316
After all, the truth can reveal the ugliest part of people.

#317
That guy has conned damn near everyone in this hospital. We've gotta warn her.

#318
That guy has conned damn near everyone in this hospital. We've gotta warn her.

#319
Jordan! Whoa!

#320
Jordan! Whoa!

#321
She wanted to work here. Let her see what it's like to work here!

#322
She wanted to work here. Let her see what it's like to work here!

#323
And for God's sake, will you be a man?!

#324
And for God's sake, will you be a man?!

#325
As for me, I already knew exactly what the truth was.

#326
As for me, I already knew exactly what the truth was.

#327
Plus, my best friend was always around to back me up.

#328
Plus, my best friend was always around to back me up.

#329
How funny is this joke?

#330
How funny is this joke?

#331
That patient's tumour is so big, it's starting to look like a "threemor."

#332
That patient's tumour is so big, it's starting to look like a "threemor."

#333
(Laughs) "Threemor"! You are hilarious, Dr D!

#334
(Laughs) "Threemor"! You are hilarious, Dr D!

#335
Awful. It's awful!

#336
Awful. It's awful!

#337
Awful.

#338
Awful.

#339
OK, be cool. They're just kids.

#340
Except Gloria. What is her deal?

#341
Except Gloria. What is her deal?

#342
OK, guys, let's talk for a second as equals. All right?

#343
Seriously, I'm taking off my stethoscope and my little name tag.

#344
Seriously, I'm taking off my stethoscope and my little name tag.

#345
Seriously, I'm taking off my stethoscope and my little name tag.

#346
- I'm not a doctor right now. - You're still wearing scrubs.

#347
We are in a hospital, man.

#348
OK, we're off the property. Now let's talk.

#349
- Shouldn't we wait for Gloria? - Coming!

#350
- Shouldn't we wait for Gloria? - Coming!

#351
We'll catch her up later. Have you guys been fake-laughing at my jokes?

#352
We'll catch her up later. Have you guys been fake-laughing at my jokes?

#353
Be honest. I promise, absolutely no ramifications.

#354
Be honest. I promise, absolutely no ramifications.

#355
We've been kind of fake-laughing.

#356
We've been kind of fake-laughing.

#357
I hope you die a violent death and bugs eat your corpse.

#358
Look, your jokes kind of suck, and when I laugh, you pick me to do procedures.

#359
Look, your jokes kind of suck, and when I laugh, you pick me to do procedures.

#360
Look, your jokes kind of suck, and when I laugh, you pick me to do procedures.

#361
Unbelievable. From now on, there is absolutely no laughing at my jokes

#362
Unbelievable. From now on, there is absolutely no laughing at my jokes

#363
unless they're particularly hysterical.

#364
unless they're particularly hysterical.

#365
Talk about your Mission: Impossibles.

#366
(J.D. laughs alone)

#367
(J.D. laughs alone)

#368
Case closed.

#369
What is it with you and costumes?

#370
What is it with you and costumes?

#371
I borrowed it from my brother. He's a stripper.

#372
- I'm... I'm here! - Gloria...

#373
- I'm... I'm here! - Gloria...

#374
Look, Carla, I didn't want you to come here because, well...

#375
Look, Carla, I didn't want you to come here because, well...

#376
Look, there's so much great about you.

#377
Look, there's so much great about you.

#378
You're smart, loyal,

#379
you shattered my preconceived notions about Chicanos!

#380
you shattered my preconceived notions about Chicanos!

#381
Elliot, bring it.

#382
You're a bit of a gossip.

#383
You're a bit of a gossip.

#384
So? I'm interested in people's stories!

#385
So? I'm interested in people's stories!

#386
Thanks to you, I have the worst nickname!

#387
Bankfarter's not so bad. It sounds German.

#388
Bankfarter's not so bad. It sounds German.

#389
Bankfarter, did you hear? Charlie found a successful gene therapy for O.I.

#390
Bankfarter, did you hear? Charlie found a successful gene therapy for O.I.

#391
He basically cured the disease.

#392
How did he have any time while torturing me?

#393
How did he have any time while torturing me?

#394
Jealousy's an ugly colour, Bankfarter.

#395
Jealousy's an ugly colour, Bankfarter.

#396
Anyway, we're discontinuing your fellowship.

#397
Frick. Frick, frick, frick, frick, frickety-frick-frick-frick.

#398
Frick. Frick, frick, frick, frick, frickety-frick-frick-frick.

#399
Frick...

#400
Frick...

#401
I'm not sure how people go about doing nice things...

#402
I'm not sure how people go about doing nice things...

#403
...but here. You should be there for your daughter's birthday.

#404
...but here. You should be there for your daughter's birthday.

#405
I can't take that.

#406
I can't take that.

#407
Come on. I can't even Botox an ear with this.

#408
Come on. I can't even Botox an ear with this.

#409
Would everyone please watch this?

#410
Would everyone please watch this?

#411
Because nobody, but nobody, cries like Sammy.

#412
He leads off with the chin quiver.

#413
He leads off with the chin quiver.

#414
Then he goes right to the look-away.

#415
He tries to hold it back but he just can't because there's too much pain!

#416
He tries to hold it back but he just can't because there's too much pain!

#417
And then finally, he squeezes out one single... tear.

#418
And then finally, he squeezes out one single... tear.

#419
That is some quality Crack Addict Theatre!

#420
That is some quality Crack Addict Theatre!

#421
I can't watch this.

#422
Then move your big, bald biscuit head! Some of us don't have cable.

#423
Then move your big, bald biscuit head! Some of us don't have cable.

#424
This is a little trust exercise that I really think's gonna connect us again.

#425
This is a little trust exercise that I really think's gonna connect us again.

#426
Remove your blindfolds, please.

#427
See your death. See your death.

#428
See your death. See your death.

#429
See your death.

#430
Keith. Don't worry, buddy, we're cool.

#431
Keith. Don't worry, buddy, we're cool.

#432
- Really? - No! See your death!

#433
- Really? - No! See your death!

#434
No! But I looked up to you!

#435
No! But I looked up to you!

#436
Hey! Why don't you guys go upstairs and do some work?

#437
Hey! Why don't you guys go upstairs and do some work?

#438
And for God sakes, will somebody wake up Gloria?

#439
And for God sakes, will somebody wake up Gloria?

#440
OK, enough waving. You wave too much. You abuse waving. Go.

#441
OK, enough waving. You wave too much. You abuse waving. Go.

#442
There it is, just like I said.

#443
There it is, just like I said.

#444
I can feel your hatred like a cool spring breeze.

#445
Gloria...

#446
- I can't believe I don't have a job! - Is that even yours?

#447
- I can't believe I don't have a job! - Is that even yours?

#448
I need your support right now, Carla!

#449
I need your support right now, Carla!

#450
Carla, you cannot tell Turk and J.D. About this until I get back on my feet.

#451
Carla, you cannot tell Turk and J.D. About this until I get back on my feet.

#452
- Why? They'll just feel bad for you. - No, they'll be merciless.

#453
- Why? They'll just feel bad for you. - No, they'll be merciless.

#454
Seriously, if you tell, I will never trust you with anything.

#455
Seriously, if you tell, I will never trust you with anything.

#456
- Where've you been? - Nowhere!

#457
- Where've you been? - Nowhere!

#458
- What're you doing? - Nothing!

#459
- What're you doing? - Nothing!

#460
- How's Blonde Doctor? - Jeez!

#461
- What's the dish? - I gotta go.

#462
Hey!

#463
Hey!

#464
My God, you got that saliva on your lip that says you know something juicy!

#465
My God, you got that saliva on your lip that says you know something juicy!

#466
- No, I don't. - Here it comes!

#467
- No, I don't. - Here it comes!

#468
Yes!

#469
- Oh, OK, here's the scoop! - Yes, here is the scoop, indeed.

#470
- Oh, OK, here's the scoop! - Yes, here is the scoop, indeed.

#471
- You gotta promise not to tell. - I know.

#472
- You gotta promise not to tell. - I know.

#473
- Sam? What are you doing back here? - Hey, lamb chop. Crazy story. I was...

#474
- Sam? What are you doing back here? - Hey, lamb chop. Crazy story. I was...

#475
I was taking a bus to my plane ticket, there was an accident,

#476
I was taking a bus to my plane ticket, there was an accident,

#477
and thank God I'm alive. I'd hug you, but I...

#478
and thank God I'm alive. I'd hug you, but I...

#479
Jordan. This is one of our most famous con artist/drug addicts.

#480
Jordan. This is one of our most famous con artist/drug addicts.

#481
- Nice to see you, sir. - You as well.

#482
Turkelton? You've dealt with him before.

#483
Turkelton? You've dealt with him before.

#484
- Hey, dude. - Why didn't you tell her?

#485
- Hey, dude. - Why didn't you tell her?

#486
'Cause he told me not to!

#487
- This is gonna cost you. - Get off my back, I'm not in the mood.

#488
- This is gonna cost you. - Get off my back, I'm not in the mood.

#489
- Say it again! - Get off my back, I'm not in the mood?

#490
That's what she said! Zoom, zoom, zoom!

#491
That's what she said! Zoom, zoom, zoom!

#492
OK, I'm sure you know about it. Go ahead, take your shots.

#493
OK, I'm sure you know about it. Go ahead, take your shots.

#494
You've got bug eyes.

#495
Because you dye your moustache blonde doesn't mean it's gone.

#496
Because you dye your moustache blonde doesn't mean it's gone.

#497
That's all that you have to say?

#498
That's all that you have to say?

#499
Excuse us.

#500
Excuse us.

#501
- Oh, my God! You kept a secret! - I know!

#502
I almost told them, but I didn't because I love you.

#503
I almost told them, but I didn't because I love you.

#504
I love you too!

#505
I... I had to tell Turk something, so you smoke a pipe now.

#506
I... I had to tell Turk something, so you smoke a pipe now.

#507
Coolio!

#508
What's wrong?

#509
What's wrong?

#510
We were gonna do Multi-Ethnic Siamese Doctor Has a Fresca,

#511
We were gonna do Multi-Ethnic Siamese Doctor Has a Fresca,

#512
but Turk got on my case about my interns!

#513
He's mad because they're sucking up. I was sayin',

#514
He's mad because they're sucking up. I was sayin',

#515
"That's the same thing you did with Dr Cox."

#516
"That's the same thing you did with Dr Cox."

#517
Know what? Put our right hand in front of your face.

#518
Now talk to it!

#519
Now talk to it!

#520
He's right. If you want to be a jerk attending too, go ahead.

#521
He's right. If you want to be a jerk attending too, go ahead.

#522
Don't do it because they resent you. Not fair.

#523
Dude, get up. I gotta go to the bathroom.

#524
Dude, get up. I gotta go to the bathroom.

#525
As I went to the men's room with Turk, praying he only had to go onesies,

#526
As I went to the men's room with Turk, praying he only had to go onesies,

#527
I thought about the different methods people use to teach.

#528
I thought about the different methods people use to teach.

#529
I wasn't sure if you wanted to give him more money

#530
I wasn't sure if you wanted to give him more money

#531
or skip the middleman and actually give him narcotics.

#532
or skip the middleman and actually give him narcotics.

#533
So I went ahead and brought your ATM card and a heroin sandwich.

#534
So I went ahead and brought your ATM card and a heroin sandwich.

#535
It's not heroin, it's smoked turkey.

#536
It's not heroin, it's smoked turkey.

#537
You thought if you made me look like a fool, I'd quit?

#538
You thought if you made me look like a fool, I'd quit?

#539
So, Jordan, I heard Sam got you. Don't worry, he totally suckered me once.

#540
So, Jordan, I heard Sam got you. Don't worry, he totally suckered me once.

#541
When I first started, I lent my car to a patient to go pick up her kids.

#542
When I first started, I lent my car to a patient to go pick up her kids.

#543
Last time I ever saw that IROC.

#544
Remember that patient who stole your identity?

#545
Remember that patient who stole your identity?

#546
Darryl! He's cool.

#547
From now on, he's only gonna use my credit card for emergencies.

#548
From now on, he's only gonna use my credit card for emergencies.

#549
It's a rite of passage you have to go through around here to be accepted.

#550
It's a rite of passage you have to go through around here to be accepted.

#551
Oh, my God! You actually did something nice for me!

#552
Oh, my God! You actually did something nice for me!

#553
No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was a selfish act.

#554
No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was a selfish act.

#555
If other people talk to you, you won't have to talk to me!

#556
If other people talk to you, you won't have to talk to me!

#557
Cute.

#558
I think it's always easier to be a jerk than a good guy.

#559
I think it's always easier to be a jerk than a good guy.

#560
Did we do something wrong, Dr Dorian?

#561
Did we do something wrong, Dr Dorian?

#562
You're fine. You're doing a good job.

#563
Good guy or not, there's no reason why you shouldn't enjoy the perks.

#564
Good guy or not, there's no reason why you shouldn't enjoy the perks.

#565
You know what, I want the laughter back!

#566
You know what, I want the laughter back!

#567
(All laugh)

#568
And you know what, I liked it when you waved.

#569
And you know what, I liked it when you waved.

#570
That was nice. Why don't all of you just wave!

#571
That was nice. Why don't all of you just wave!

#572
All right.

#573
You can deal with anything,

#574
You can deal with anything,

#575
as long as you have a group of friends around to go through it all with you.

#576
as long as you have a group of friends around to go through it all with you.

#577
Hey, guys. What's going on?

#578
Hey, guys. What's going on?

#579
I can't imagine what it would be like if I were all on my own.

#580
I can't imagine what it would be like if I were all on my own.

#581
Excuse me, can I please borrow your "Help Wanted" section? Thank you!

#582
Excuse me, can I please borrow your "Help Wanted" section? Thank you!

#583
Captioned by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#584
Captioned by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

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