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Season 5, Episode 3 — My Day at the Races
#1
Since I was currently homeless,
#2
Turk and Carla let me crash here as long as I needed.
#3
Turk and Carla let me crash here as long as I needed.
#4
You have to get out. This place is tiny.
#5
I'm sick of seeing your man-panties all over the bathroom.
#6
I'm sick of seeing your man-panties all over the bathroom.
#7
- They're called boxers, Carla. - They're satin, J.D.
#8
- They're called boxers, Carla. - They're satin, J.D.
#9
With a breathable cotton crotch panel. King me.
#10
With a breathable cotton crotch panel. King me.
#11
I need to find someone to split the rent at my place.
#12
I need to find someone to split the rent at my place.
#13
I thought you get good money at your fellowship.
#14
My fellowship gets cancelled because some jackass cures the disease,
#15
My fellowship gets cancelled because some jackass cures the disease,
#16
and the only job I can get is working at this free clinic
#17
and the only job I can get is working at this free clinic
#18
for eight bucks an hour. No one's life could be worse than mine.
#19
for eight bucks an hour. No one's life could be worse than mine.
#20
The fellowship's great.
#21
Carla, please don't tell them I'm working at a free clinic.
#22
Carla, please don't tell them I'm working at a free clinic.
#23
She doesn't want me to tell them.
#24
She doesn't want me to tell them.
#25
Women have an unspoken connection men can't even fathom.
#26
Women have an unspoken connection men can't even fathom.
#27
You can't look because Carla's here,
#28
but you're missing a Victoria's Secret commercial.
#29
but you're missing a Victoria's Secret commercial.
#30
I'm watching Gisele in my spoon right now.
#31
I'm watching Gisele in my spoon right now.
#32
You know, you two could solve both of your problems if you moved in together.
#33
You know, you two could solve both of your problems if you moved in together.
#34
- Whoa, whoa, whoa and whoa! - Hold your horses!
#35
- Whoa, whoa, whoa and whoa! - Hold your horses!
#36
- We have a very complicated past. - I hurt her, and I'm not proud.
#37
- We have a very complicated past. - I hurt her, and I'm not proud.
#38
I'm a little proud.
#39
We've restored our friendship by staying away from dangerous topics.
#40
We've restored our friendship by staying away from dangerous topics.
#41
Relationships, things of that nature.
#42
Relationships, things of that nature.
#43
- J.D. And I keep it superficial. - Love the superficial.
#44
- J.D. And I keep it superficial. - Love the superficial.
#45
- Dynamite teeth today. - Oh, thanks, buddy!
#46
- Sparkly! - Yeah!
#47
- Sparkly! - Yeah!
#48
You can't live with Elliot but you're not living with us. Get out by Friday.
#49
You can't live with Elliot but you're not living with us. Get out by Friday.
#50
Friday's my birthday. I've e-vited everyone to a party at our place.
#51
Friday's my birthday. I've e-vited everyone to a party at our place.
#52
- Whose place? - Your place.
#53
- Whose place? - Your place.
#54
I can't just un-e-vite everyone.
#55
I've already got two e-yeses and 24 e-maybes. That's a lot of e-sponses.
#56
I've already got two e-yeses and 24 e-maybes. That's a lot of e-sponses.
#57
Bambi, I'm gonna put my e-foot up your ass.
#58
Bambi, I'm gonna put my e-foot up your ass.
#59
It's a Mexican-themed fiesta on the first anniversary of my 29th birthday.
#60
It's a Mexican-themed fiesta on the first anniversary of my 29th birthday.
#61
That means I'm turning 30.
#62
That means I'm turning 30.
#63
Donde? 56 Walnut Drive.
#64
Donde? 56 Walnut Drive.
#65
Quando? Thank you for asking.
#66
Ocho-thirty until upside-down question mark. Sombreros at the door.
#67
Ocho-thirty until upside-down question mark. Sombreros at the door.
#68
(Trills)
#69
(Trills)
#70
I'll be there.
#71
Gracias, amigo.
#72
I borrowed one of your dictionaries.
#73
I borrowed one of your dictionaries.
#74
Since 12 surgical residents at Sacred Heart were fighting
#75
Since 12 surgical residents at Sacred Heart were fighting
#76
for four attending spots, Turk was ass-kissing senior staff.
#77
Oh, damn, I left my briefcase upstairs.
#78
Oh, damn, I left my briefcase upstairs.
#79
Excuse me a second.
#80
Excuse me a second.
#81
Turk thought he was the only one who heard that.
#82
Dr Wen! Dr Wen! I've got your brief...
#83
He was not.
#84
He was not.
#85
I had no idea that there was that many Asian surgeons in this hospital.
#86
I had no idea that there was that many Asian surgeons in this hospital.
#87
I got your back, T-Dog.
#88
Then let it begin.
#89
Then let it begin.
#90
('KUNG FU FIGHTING')
#91
('KUNG FU FIGHTING')
#92
('KUNG FU FIGHTING')
#93
Yeeeeaaaaarrrrr!
#94
Yeeeeaaaaarrrrr!
#95
Yeeeeaaaaarrrrr!
#96
Quit fooling around with those guys and get down here!
#97
Quit fooling around with those guys and get down here!
#98
Here comes the big dog!
#99
Here comes the big dog!
#100
- Dude. - Yeah.
#101
- Thanks for having my back. - Yeah. Betrayal five.
#102
- Thanks for having my back. - Yeah. Betrayal five.
#103
What?
#104
- Hey, buddy. - Hey!
#105
- Hey, buddy. - Hey!
#106
Betrayal five.
#107
Dr Wen!
#108
- Oh, my briefcase. - Yeah.
#109
- Oh, my briefcase. - Yeah.
#110
You know, I totally saw that coming.
#111
(THEME SONG)
#112
(THEME SONG)
#113
Dude, look at you. Thirty years old, all growed up.
#114
Dude, look at you. Thirty years old, all growed up.
#115
Oh, really, Turk?
#116
Because the Sacred Heart sign I vandalised last night begs to differ.
#117
Because the Sacred Heart sign I vandalised last night begs to differ.
#118
Remember when we made lists of all the stuff we wanted to do by 30?
#119
Remember when we made lists of all the stuff we wanted to do by 30?
#120
- Yeah. - Check it!
#121
"Things to do by 30: Get married, buy a house,
#122
"Things to do by 30: Get married, buy a house,
#123
learn difference between senator and congressman."
#124
- You haven't done any. - I know. Who cares?
#125
- You haven't done any. - I know. Who cares?
#126
I got all the time in the world. I mean, I'm only turning 30.
#127
I got all the time in the world. I mean, I'm only turning 30.
#128
- Thirty? - No one's 30.
#129
Where did all these unsupervised children come from?
#130
So you wanted to talk to me about your appendectomy, Mrs...
#131
So you wanted to talk to me about your appendectomy, Mrs...
#132
...Appendectomy?
#133
Now that ain't right!
#134
Now that ain't right!
#135
15 percent of surgical complications are anaesthesia-related.
#136
15 percent of surgical complications are anaesthesia-related.
#137
I'd like to use hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.
#138
I'd like to use hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.
#139
I'd like to sleep with Beyonce instead of my wife tonight,
#140
but that ain't happening either.
#141
but that ain't happening either.
#142
I'll think about it.
#143
I'll think about it.
#144
My appendectomy patient wants me to use hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.
#145
My appendectomy patient wants me to use hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.
#146
I'd like to throw in Gwen Stefani instead of Jordan.
#147
That ain't gonna happen.
#148
That ain't gonna happen.
#149
- Dr Cox! - Dr Cox!
#150
- Dr Cox! - Dr Cox!
#151
No! Awful!
#152
Hypnosis is a powerful tool.
#153
It's helped with depression, weight loss, helped me quit smoking.
#154
It's helped with depression, weight loss, helped me quit smoking.
#155
Hypnosis is for birthday parties and bad Vegas lounges.
#156
Hypnosis is for birthday parties and bad Vegas lounges.
#157
You go tell your patient to let you do what you do best:
#158
You go tell your patient to let you do what you do best:
#159
Knock her out, start digging around inside
#160
Knock her out, start digging around inside
#161
- like a blind man looking for a nickel. - You should do it.
#162
- Knock her out and dig. - Do it.
#163
- Knock her out and dig. - Do it.
#164
- Dig. Dig. Dig. - Do it. Do it.
#165
OK. I'm gonna go with Dr Cox on this one.
#166
OK. I'm gonna go with Dr Cox on this one.
#167
That's a rookie move, and you hate to see it.
#168
That's a rookie move, and you hate to see it.
#169
You always side with the wife, even if she's got a case of the crazies.
#170
You always side with the wife, even if she's got a case of the crazies.
#171
Turk, we're gonna have kids soon. We're supposed to be a team.
#172
You occasionally have to listen to me and believe in my opinion.
#173
What if we have a daughter and she wants her ears pierced?
#174
What if we have a daughter and she wants her ears pierced?
#175
We're not having a daughter.
#176
We're not having a daughter.
#177
What if we have a son and he wants to take dance,
#178
though his friends play football?
#179
though his friends play football?
#180
He can dance if he wants to. He can leave his friends behind.
#181
He can dance if he wants to. He can leave his friends behind.
#182
# 'Cause his friends don't dance and if they don't dance
#183
# 'Cause his friends don't dance and if they don't dance
#184
# then they're no friends of mine
#185
# S- S-S-S, A-A-A-A, F-F-F-F-F, E-E-E-E-E
#186
# S- S-S-S, A-A-A-A, F-F-F-F-F, E-E-E-E-E
#187
I said, "What if our son wants to take dance class
#188
instead of football with his friends?" Turk ran off singing Safety Dance.
#189
instead of football with his friends?" Turk ran off singing Safety Dance.
#190
Didn't you learn your lesson the time you told him the commissar was in town?
#191
Didn't you learn your lesson the time you told him the commissar was in town?
#192
Didn't you learn your lesson the time you told him the commissar was in town?
#193
- Yeah. - Someone's leaving!
#194
We saw it first!
#195
We saw it first!
#196
Jordan, here's the plan: I'm gonna cram an entire evening's worth of drinking
#197
Jordan, here's the plan: I'm gonna cram an entire evening's worth of drinking
#198
into the next five minutes. Now, you just make sure not to engage them.
#199
into the next five minutes. Now, you just make sure not to engage them.
#200
Be particularly aware of the blonde talky one.
#201
I've worked with her before. She has no off button.
#202
I've worked with her before. She has no off button.
#203
If money is tight, have Jake move in with you.
#204
If money is tight, have Jake move in with you.
#205
- Who's Jake? - Jordan!
#206
No!
#207
No!
#208
He's this guy I've been going out with.
#209
We're not ready to move in. He's a little closed-off.
#210
We're not ready to move in. He's a little closed-off.
#211
Sweetie, are you aware of who I live with?
#212
Sweetie, are you aware of who I live with?
#213
Jordan Godzilla Sullivan! You stop that, and you stop it now!
#214
Jordan Godzilla Sullivan! You stop that, and you stop it now!
#215
Why don't you try talking to humans for once? You might enjoy it.
#216
Why don't you try talking to humans for once? You might enjoy it.
#217
Elliot, maybe you should be the one to open Jake up.
#218
Elliot, maybe you should be the one to open Jake up.
#219
You know, like Turk can be a little...immature.
#220
You know, like Turk can be a little...immature.
#221
I have to talk about my feelings over dinner
#222
or shut off his iPod during sex. I bet you could do the same thing with Jake.
#223
or shut off his iPod during sex. I bet you could do the same thing with Jake.
#224
Or maybe you could pressure him, get dumped, throw on 50 pounds,
#225
Or maybe you could pressure him, get dumped, throw on 50 pounds,
#226
start collecting knickknacks and meet your future now.
#227
start collecting knickknacks and meet your future now.
#228
You know, before the loneliness burns too much?
#229
You know, before the loneliness burns too much?
#230
(laughs)
#231
(laughs)
#232
Gosh, I did enjoy that!
#233
You haven't done anything on this list. Never slept naked on a hammock?
#234
You haven't done anything on this list. Never slept naked on a hammock?
#235
I'm afraid of dragonflies. I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this.
#236
I'm afraid of dragonflies. I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this.
#237
Neither one of us has made headway.
#238
Don't lump me in with you. I'm a surgeon, I'm married,
#239
Don't lump me in with you. I'm a surgeon, I'm married,
#240
I've had sex while playing Frogger, I'm gonna be a dad.
#241
I've had sex while playing Frogger, I'm gonna be a dad.
#242
I'm moving through my list.
#243
I've done nothing. I learned another language,
#244
I've done nothing. I learned another language,
#245
but it was that one where you put a "b" in every word.
#246
but it was that one where you put a "b" in every word.
#247
- I was never fluent. - That secret language was so lame.
#248
Nobba with the ladie-bb-ys!
#249
Nobba with the ladie-bb-ys!
#250
Dr Kelso! Have any idea who's gonna get those three attending spots next year?
#251
Dr Kelso! Have any idea who's gonna get those three attending spots next year?
#252
There are four spots for next year.
#253
There are four spots for next year.
#254
Three, not counting one going to me!
#255
I'm gonna stick with four.
#256
I'm gonna stick with four.
#257
See, there are numerous skilled surgeons here at Sacred Fart...
#258
See, there are numerous skilled surgeons here at Sacred Fart...
#259
(laughs) Did you see the sign?
#260
(laughs) Did you see the sign?
#261
Though there will be no vandalism here, people!
#262
Though there will be no vandalism here, people!
#263
It was classic.
#264
Anyway, the key is doing something to get noticed.
#265
Anyway, the key is doing something to get noticed.
#266
I don't know if you know, but I'm doing an appendectomy
#267
I don't know if you know, but I'm doing an appendectomy
#268
using hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.
#269
using hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.
#270
Well, it's about time.
#271
Hell's bells, son, when I say the name Turkleton, people laugh.
#272
Hell's bells, son, when I say the name Turkleton, people laugh.
#273
Maybe because that's not my name.
#274
Maybe because that's not my name.
#275
Not yet, Turkleton. Not yet.
#276
Elliot, I don't think I understand what you want.
#277
Elliot, I don't think I understand what you want.
#278
I just want you to open up, you know, emotionally, spiritually.
#279
I just want you to open up, you know, emotionally, spiritually.
#280
I'm not exactly religious, you know,
#281
I'm not exactly religious, you know,
#282
but I do think that God watches after my family and,
#283
but I do think that God watches after my family and,
#284
well, my favourite sports teams.
#285
Tenth grade, He made Jennifer Martin sleep with me.
#286
Tenth grade, He made Jennifer Martin sleep with me.
#287
OK. How about opening up sexually?
#288
OK. How about opening up sexually?
#289
What's your wildest fantasy?
#290
- Yeah, it's not happening. - Come on!
#291
- Yeah, it's not happening. - Come on!
#292
In bed, I feel like I'm the only one screamin'!
#293
In bed, I feel like I'm the only one screamin'!
#294
You're quiet as a mouse. The screaming is in your head.
#295
Yeah, but in there, it's crazy.
#296
Yeah, but in there, it's crazy.
#297
Fine, why don't you tell me your wildest fantasy.
#298
Fine, why don't you tell me your wildest fantasy.
#299
OK, fine.
#300
OK, fine.
#301
You're a Mexican apple thief, I run the cider house.
#302
I catch you behind the stone mill, you chase me into the tasting room...
#303
I catch you behind the stone mill, you chase me into the tasting room...
#304
If there's a crow in there, fine, if not, I can live with it.
#305
If there's a crow in there, fine, if not, I can live with it.
#306
We're alone, you don't speak a word of English,
#307
We're alone, you don't speak a word of English,
#308
but you teach me more about hard cider than I learned from my fermenting exams.
#309
but you teach me more about hard cider than I learned from my fermenting exams.
#310
And our passion is so loud that they can hear it all the way in the distillery.
#311
And our passion is so loud that they can hear it all the way in the distillery.
#312
Oh, God, I can be such an apple slut.
#313
Oh, God, I can be such an apple slut.
#314
OK.
#315
When did we lose Mr Heath?
#316
When did we lose Mr Heath?
#317
Oh, we didn't. His vitals are fine.
#318
Doug, I told you to stop pre-tagging patients.
#319
Doug, I told you to stop pre-tagging patients.
#320
A slow day in my morgue. Nothing's written in stone.
#321
A slow day in my morgue. Nothing's written in stone.
#322
- You wrote a time of death! - I wrote "one-ish."
#323
- You wrote a time of death! - I wrote "one-ish."
#324
- Get outta here! - Why are you so pissy?
#325
- Get outta here! - Why are you so pissy?
#326
Carla, at 6:41 tomorrow evening, I turn 30.
#327
Carla, at 6:41 tomorrow evening, I turn 30.
#328
I have to find one thing on this list I can do by then.
#329
Swing by our parts department and pick up a pair of testes.
#330
Swing by our parts department and pick up a pair of testes.
#331
Haven't you used that joke a trillion times?
#332
Haven't you used that joke a trillion times?
#333
I'm OK with it.
#334
"Invent a cereal"? "Complete a triathlon"?
#335
"Invent a cereal"? "Complete a triathlon"?
#336
There's a triathlon tomorrow.
#337
Thing One and Thing Two have been training for it.
#338
Thing One and Thing Two have been training for it.
#339
We're working on our drafting technique.
#340
We're working on our drafting technique.
#341
If your goal is to repel all women, it's definitely working.
#342
If your goal is to repel all women, it's definitely working.
#343
Ignoring him... And switch.
#344
Ignoring him... And switch.
#345
I'll do the triathlon!
#346
You don't know about triathlons.
#347
You don't know about triathlons.
#348
I didn't know anything about cereal inventing, either.
#349
If it wasn't for a cease and desist letter,
#350
we'd be eating J.D.'s Bananas & Nuts.
#351
we'd be eating J.D.'s Bananas & Nuts.
#352
You're not serious about this, are you?
#353
- Why is everybody wearing wetsuits? - The water's like 49 degrees.
#354
- Why is everybody wearing wetsuits? - The water's like 49 degrees.
#355
So, what's your best time, buster?
#356
Honestly, Ted, it doesn't really matter, as long as I finish by 6:41 tonight.
#357
Honestly, Ted, it doesn't really matter, as long as I finish by 6:41 tonight.
#358
The harder you push yourself to do something, the harder it is to back out.
#359
The harder you push yourself to do something, the harder it is to back out.
#360
Whether you're caught in a lie with your wife...
#361
Whether you're caught in a lie with your wife...
#362
I heard you were doing the hypnosis surgery. You actually listened to me!
#363
I heard you were doing the hypnosis surgery. You actually listened to me!
#364
Hell, yeah, I listened to you. Baby, come on!
#365
Hell, yeah, I listened to you. Baby, come on!
#366
That's the reason I'm doing it. 'Cause of you and how well I listen.
#367
That's the reason I'm doing it. 'Cause of you and how well I listen.
#368
- I love you. - I love you.
#369
..or you're trying to get your boyfriend to open up.
#370
..or you're trying to get your boyfriend to open up.
#371
Come on! Come in and show me what you really like.
#372
Come on! Come in and show me what you really like.
#373
No one is gonna judge you.
#374
Oh, my God, Jake!
#375
- You wanna talk about it? - Nope!
#376
- You wanna talk about it? - Nope!
#377
And sometimes, the only thing you can do is just dive in.
#378
And sometimes, the only thing you can do is just dive in.
#379
Oh, Jehovah, that's cold!
#380
Oh, Jehovah, that's cold!
#381
Oh, God, ah!
#382
There's a little. Here's some more.
#383
All right, ease it in. Ease it in.
#384
As I sidestroked through the salty waters of the great Pacific...
#385
Pick an apple, put it in your pocket.
#386
Pick an apple, put it in your pocket.
#387
..I wondered if everyone was doing as well as I was.
#388
..I wondered if everyone was doing as well as I was.
#389
Why are these cameras here?
#390
Why are these cameras here?
#391
Turkleton, this is quite the event here at Sacred Fart.
#392
(Laughs)
#393
(Laughs)
#394
I can't help it, it kills me.
#395
Yeah, we got visiting doctors, video crews, even that Japanese news anchor
#396
Yeah, we got visiting doctors, video crews, even that Japanese news anchor
#397
who slept with me when I convinced her I was an oil tycoon.
#398
who slept with me when I convinced her I was an oil tycoon.
#399
If she comes over here, my name is T-Bone!
#400
If she comes over here, my name is T-Bone!
#401
We're getting a good bit of interest from the seismologists at Caltech,
#402
We're getting a good bit of interest from the seismologists at Caltech,
#403
who I understand will be able to chart the magnitude of the scream
#404
who I understand will be able to chart the magnitude of the scream
#405
emanating from your hypnosis patient, as well as, of course,
#406
emanating from your hypnosis patient, as well as, of course,
#407
the numerous after-screams that are sure to follow.
#408
the numerous after-screams that are sure to follow.
#409
No interviews!
#410
Turk. Turk, where are you going?
#411
I can't do this. I don't believe in this hypnotism crap.
#412
I can't do this. I don't believe in this hypnotism crap.
#413
- I only needed to impress Kelso. - Great, you lied to me.
#414
- I only needed to impress Kelso. - Great, you lied to me.
#415
I'm about to ruin my career by plunging a knife into a conscious person.
#416
I'm about to ruin my career by plunging a knife into a conscious person.
#417
But you know what, you're absolutely right, let's focus on the lying.
#418
But you know what, you're absolutely right, let's focus on the lying.
#419
As I reached the biking stage and finally realised what chafing was,
#420
As I reached the biking stage and finally realised what chafing was,
#421
I got a surprise visitor.
#422
(rings bell) How's it goin'?
#423
My bike is rusty,
#424
I haven't been able to feel my genitals since they touched water,
#425
I haven't been able to feel my genitals since they touched water,
#426
the only thing I've had to eat is a half a jellyfish.
#427
the only thing I've had to eat is a half a jellyfish.
#428
- Why are you here? - Can I talk about Jake?
#429
- Why are you here? - Can I talk about Jake?
#430
Talk to Carla.
#431
Anytime I talk to Carla about a guy, she tells me to marry him so the four of us can go to dinner.
#432
Anytime I talk to Carla about a guy, she tells me to marry him so the four of us can go to dinner.
#433
I've been dating this guy. I found out that he went on a gay cruise.
#434
I've been dating this guy. I found out that he went on a gay cruise.
#435
A trick. Marry him, the four of us'll have dinner.
#436
A trick. Marry him, the four of us'll have dinner.
#437
- He said he might be gay! - Dinner!
#438
Talking about Jake violates the most important tenants of our relationship.
#439
Talking about Jake violates the most important tenants of our relationship.
#440
One, keep discussion superficial.
#441
One, keep discussion superficial.
#442
And two, no talking while my boys are straddling chrome.
#443
And two, no talking while my boys are straddling chrome.
#444
- That one's new. - Why don't you try a higher gear?
#445
- That one's new. - Why don't you try a higher gear?
#446
- It's like pedalling in hummus! - See ya, buddy!
#447
- It's like pedalling in hummus! - See ya, buddy!
#448
Oh, thank God!
#449
Oh, thank God!
#450
I think the bike part's finally over. Oh, no!
#451
I think the bike part's finally over. Oh, no!
#452
I can play with signs too!
#453
I can play with signs too!
#454
This is great. I'm being assisted by a magician.
#455
This is great. I'm being assisted by a magician.
#456
The only way you're gonna get through this is if you believe it's gonna work.
#457
The only way you're gonna get through this is if you believe it's gonna work.
#458
Ow!
#459
Ow!
#460
That was just a fingernail, honey!
#461
How would you like it if I cut out your appendix?
#462
How would you like it if I cut out your appendix?
#463
Forget for a second that hypnosis is used to lower bleeding,
#464
Forget for a second that hypnosis is used to lower bleeding,
#465
aid recovery, or help patients deal with pain. You are married.
#466
aid recovery, or help patients deal with pain. You are married.
#467
So start believing what I tell you to believe. And don't pinch me!
#468
So start believing what I tell you to believe. And don't pinch me!
#469
During the eight-mile run, dehydration set in.
#470
During the eight-mile run, dehydration set in.
#471
- Hang in there, buddy! - See you at the luau!
#472
- Hang in there, buddy! - See you at the luau!
#473
They already finished and cooked a pig?
#474
Hey, J.D.
#475
Hey, J.D.
#476
You're real. Although the dolphin costume's a little odd.
#477
You're real. Although the dolphin costume's a little odd.
#478
This Jake thing is still really bothering me.
#479
This Jake thing is still really bothering me.
#480
- You know our rules. - I've been thinking.
#481
Who wants to have a superficial friendship?
#482
Who wants to have a superficial friendship?
#483
Do you remember how close we used to be?
#484
Do you remember how close we used to be?
#485
Dealing with Dr Cox, our screwed-up families,
#486
talking about everything? I miss that.
#487
talking about everything? I miss that.
#488
- This is working. - Not for me.
#489
- This is working. - Not for me.
#490
I wanna be able to tell you my boyfriend freaked me out.
#491
Why don't you go talk to him?
#492
Why don't you go talk to him?
#493
I don't know! You tell me.
#494
I don't know! You tell me.
#495
Fine, Elliot. You wanna know why? You're just like me.
#496
Fine, Elliot. You wanna know why? You're just like me.
#497
You're scared. You feel you haven't accomplished anything.
#498
You're scared. You feel you haven't accomplished anything.
#499
Instead of running a triathlon,
#500
you're pushing forward with a guy you don't belong with.
#501
you're pushing forward with a guy you don't belong with.
#502
You know as well as I do, he's gonna open up a bottle of white wine for you
#503
You know as well as I do, he's gonna open up a bottle of white wine for you
#504
when you really prefer red, except you never told him that. Know why?
#505
when you really prefer red, except you never told him that. Know why?
#506
It's because he's not right for you, Elliot. Are you happy now?
#507
It's because he's not right for you, Elliot. Are you happy now?
#508
You're pretty smart for a guy running in bike shoes.
#509
You're pretty smart for a guy running in bike shoes.
#510
Must... finish... race.
#511
Must... finish... race.
#512
You can do this. You can do this.
#513
You can do this. You can do this.
#514
- What are you saying to her? - "You can do this. You can do this."
#515
- What are you saying to her? - "You can do this. You can do this."
#516
Small world. Scalpel.
#517
Small world. Scalpel.
#518
Making first incision.
#519
Making first incision.
#520
Well, here goes.
#521
Well, here goes.
#522
Hmmm?
#523
Hmmm?
#524
All right!
#525
Clamp, please!
#526
They say that, in life, all good things must come to an end.
#527
They say that, in life, all good things must come to an end.
#528
They say that, in life, all good things must come to an end.
#529
Sometimes it comes quietly.
#530
Sometimes it comes quietly.
#531
- I like red. - You do?
#532
Jake, I think we need to talk.
#533
Jake, I think we need to talk.
#534
- Sometimes, not so quietly. - You can do this.
#535
Oh-b no-b.
#536
(Screams) You can do this! You can do this!
#537
(Screams) You can do this! You can do this!
#538
You can do this! You can do this!
#539
And suddenly, you realise you've taken something as far as it can go.
#540
And suddenly, you realise you've taken something as far as it can go.
#541
And suddenly, you realise you've taken something as far as it can go.
#542
- What the hell was I thinking? - No, you did great, baby.
#543
- What the hell was I thinking? - No, you did great, baby.
#544
She's right, Turkleton. Hell, without anaesthesia,
#545
you made it halfway through. I bet you could publish that.
#546
you made it halfway through. I bet you could publish that.
#547
Maybe they'll put it in Almost Magazine.
#548
Maybe they'll put it in Almost Magazine.
#549
You know, it wouldn't hurt you to make some noise around here.
#550
You know, it wouldn't hurt you to make some noise around here.
#551
How's this? Blow it out your ass, Bob.
#552
How's this? Blow it out your ass, Bob.
#553
See? My baby made some noise.
#554
Yeah, I made some noise, all right.
#555
Yeah, I made some noise, all right.
#556
J.D., what you said before...
#557
I knew you were right. Anyway, I'm sorry I got mad.
#558
I knew you were right. Anyway, I'm sorry I got mad.
#559
(Mutters indistinctly)
#560
Thanks. You were wrong about one thing, though.
#561
Thanks. You were wrong about one thing, though.
#562
We are moving forward.
#563
We are moving forward.
#564
Elliot, I'm 30 years old, I'm single, I'm homeless
#565
Elliot, I'm 30 years old, I'm single, I'm homeless
#566
and I'm pretty sure I just soiled myself.
#567
Why don't you just move into my place?
#568
Why don't you just move into my place?
#569
Oh, great, then we'll be two losers under one roof.
#570
By my watch, you've got eight minutes to finish this thing. Come on.
#571
By my watch, you've got eight minutes to finish this thing. Come on.
#572
A wise man once said the human spirit can overcome any obstacle.
#573
A wise man once said the human spirit can overcome any obstacle.
#574
- I can't. - Come on!
#575
That man had obviously never run a triathlon.
#576
That man had obviously never run a triathlon.
#577
Come on.
#578
You're not really helping!
#579
You're not really helping!
#580
Are you sure this is the finish line?
#581
Are you sure this is the finish line?
#582
I think I see him.
#583
As for me, I could overcome any obstacle,
#584
as long as I had Elliot and her ridiculously strong thighs beneath me.
#585
as long as I had Elliot and her ridiculously strong thighs beneath me.
#586
Woohoo! We made it!
#587
Woohoo! We made it!
#588
And with... and with two minutes to spare!
#589
And with... and with two minutes to spare!
#590
Whoa!
#591
(Both laugh)
#592
(Both laugh)
#593
Baby, I'm not carrying 'em to the car.
#594
Baby, I'm not carrying 'em to the car.
#595
Promise to help me get through my thirtieth?
#596
Promise to help me get through my thirtieth?
#597
Mm-hm. Will you tell me what Jake's fantasy was?
#598
Mm-hm. Will you tell me what Jake's fantasy was?
#599
- Nope. - It involve chains?
#600
- No. - Whips?
#601
- No. - Whips?
#602
- Candle wax? - No.
#603
- Role playing? Lasers? - No.
#604
- Hamsters? - Negative.
#605
- Hamsters? - Negative.
#606
- Was he a Mexican apple thief? - (Sighs) If only.
#607
- Was he a Mexican apple thief? - (Sighs) If only.
#608
Captioned by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv
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