Home » Scrubs » S05E05 — My New God

Scrubs

Season 5, Episode 5 — My New God

#1
After four years, I know the hospital so well,

#2
After four years, I know the hospital so well,

#3
I can sneak in a little nap-walk before rounds.

#4
I can sneak in a little nap-walk before rounds.

#5
Two quick steps to the left to avoid Overly Ambitious Orderly.

#6
Two quick steps to the left to avoid Overly Ambitious Orderly.

#7
Hop over the dead guy Doug's dragging because he lost his gurney again.

#8
Hop over the dead guy Doug's dragging because he lost his gurney again.

#9
The man's dead, J.D. Show some respect.

#10
The man's dead, J.D. Show some respect.

#11
And finally, Dr Kelso's 9am wrong-shoulder-tap.

#12
And finally, Dr Kelso's 9am wrong-shoulder-tap.

#13
Damn it! Every morning, tapping. No one's ever there!

#14
Of course, you can't be ready for everything.

#15
Of course, you can't be ready for everything.

#16
Hey. Help me move this weekend.

#17
Hey. Help me move this weekend.

#18
We scoff, and we walk away.

#19
Remind me again why you're having our son baptised.

#20
Remind me again why you're having our son baptised.

#21
What do you even care? You're not going.

#22
Let him go to church. I let him go to magic shows.

#23
Let him go to church. I let him go to magic shows.

#24
I'll tell him it's a lie when he gets home

#25
so he doesn't have those crazy nightmares.

#26
By the way, I invited your sister.

#27
By the way, I invited your sister.

#28
Jordan, please tell me you didn't.

#29
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't realise you'd be so upset.

#30
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't realise you'd be so upset.

#31
I'll call her and tell her not to come.

#32
I'll call her and tell her not to come.

#33
How weird would it be if I was like that?

#34
How weird would it be if I was like that?

#35
- Totally. - Weird.

#36
- When is this joyous occasion? - You're not invited.

#37
- When is this joyous occasion? - You're not invited.

#38
I see. Family only. That's how they're doing it.

#39
I see. Family only. That's how they're doing it.

#40
I'm going.

#41
Give me a break. You're going.

#42
Give me a break. You're going.

#43
As a matter of fact, I'd like you to be the boy's godfather.

#44
As a matter of fact, I'd like you to be the boy's godfather.

#45
I... am honoured.

#46
I... am honoured.

#47
I... am lying.

#48
I... am lying.

#49
I'm not sure I see how that's funny.

#50
I'm not sure I see how that's funny.

#51
- What's with the second beeper? - Carla gave it to me.

#52
- What's with the second beeper? - Carla gave it to me.

#53
She's got me on 24-hour baby-making alert.

#54
We haven't had sex since her last ovulation.

#55
We haven't had sex since her last ovulation.

#56
You know women only do it once a month?

#57
Of course I knew that, Turk. I'm a doctor.

#58
Of course I knew that, Turk. I'm a doctor.

#59
Once a month? That's crazy!

#60
Once a month? That's crazy!

#61
I don't know why I bother.

#62
Little Hayley doesn't have a chance this month.

#63
Little Hayley doesn't have a chance this month.

#64
I name my eggs. Big frick. Last month it was Cassie.

#65
I name my eggs. Big frick. Last month it was Cassie.

#66
- Cassie's pretty. - Oh, she would have been, J.D.

#67
She would have been.

#68
She would have been.

#69
Everyone, this is my sister, Paige.

#70
I'd like you to meet random people I don't care about.

#71
I'd like you to meet random people I don't care about.

#72
Here for the baptism.

#73
Here for the baptism.

#74
I remember my son Harrison's big day.

#75
All of us laughing at him in his frilly little baptism dress.

#76
All of us laughing at him in his frilly little baptism dress.

#77
Well, we're not laughing anymore. Harrison's a poofter. Bob Kelso.

#78
Well, we're not laughing anymore. Harrison's a poofter. Bob Kelso.

#79
Hi, I'm J.D. I'm sure Perry's spoken of me.

#80
No.

#81
Nothing about taking a talented go-getter under his wing?

#82
Nothing about taking a talented go-getter under his wing?

#83
Surrogate father to a boy who's lost his own?

#84
Nothing about that? I'm surprised.

#85
Nothing about that? I'm surprised.

#86
- Don't cry in front of people. - Perry and I don't talk much.

#87
- Don't cry in front of people. - Perry and I don't talk much.

#88
They don't talk much! There's no talking in the family.

#89
They don't talk much! There's no talking in the family.

#90
Rest assured, Newbie, even if we did talk from morning till night

#91
Rest assured, Newbie, even if we did talk from morning till night

#92
about all the big and tiny things that matter most to me,

#93
the big being my son Jack, a cure for cancer,

#94
the big being my son Jack, a cure for cancer,

#95
the resurgence of the hard-shell taco...

#96
the resurgence of the hard-shell taco...

#97
The small being my ex-wife Jordan, wind energy and all fruit-infused liquors,

#98
The small being my ex-wife Jordan, wind energy and all fruit-infused liquors,

#99
your name still would not have come up.

#100
your name still would not have come up.

#101
I'm honestly not sure which one of you I find more irritating.

#102
I'm honestly not sure which one of you I find more irritating.

#103
What does he find irritating about you?

#104
Fire at will.

#105
Fire at will.

#106
I've embraced the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal saviour.

#107
I've embraced the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal saviour.

#108
I'm not sure why it was suddenly so awkward,

#109
I'm not sure why it was suddenly so awkward,

#110
but I wished something would break the tension.

#111
but I wished something would break the tension.

#112
Hallelujah A brother's 'bout to have some sex

#113
Hallelujah A brother's 'bout to have some sex

#114
Hallelujah A brother's 'bout to have some sex

#115
Hallelujah A brother's 'bout to have some sex

#116
Smack the moneymaker!

#117
Smack the moneymaker!

#118
- Smack it! - That's how he likes it.

#119
- Smack it! - That's how he likes it.

#120
Sex time, people!

#121
He's married, so it's strictly procreation sex.

#122
He's married, so it's strictly procreation sex.

#123
His wife's throwing her legs up in the air because they're trying for a boy.

#124
His wife's throwing her legs up in the air because they're trying for a boy.

#125
Like Jesus.

#126
(theme song)

#127
(theme song)

#128
You know what used to drive Perry nuts as a kid?

#129
You know what used to drive Perry nuts as a kid?

#130
Every night we'd play Horse in the driveway and I'd kick his ass.

#131
Every night we'd play Horse in the driveway and I'd kick his ass.

#132
Can Christians say "ass" now?

#133
I have a friend, Pat Casey, he called his mom an ass once.

#134
I have a friend, Pat Casey, he called his mom an ass once.

#135
She hit him in the face with an iron.

#136
She hit him in the face with an iron.

#137
He still goes to church, but he can't whistle anymore.

#138
He still goes to church, but he can't whistle anymore.

#139
OK. I'm going to go say hi to Jordan.

#140
She's dynamite. How'd you end up with a born-again Christian sister?

#141
She's dynamite. How'd you end up with a born-again Christian sister?

#142
She's dynamite. How'd you end up with a born-again Christian sister?

#143
I don't know. Maybe the TV was broken one day and she picked up the Bible

#144
I don't know. Maybe the TV was broken one day and she picked up the Bible

#145
and found it to be just a darn good read.

#146
Or maybe it had something to do with our mother's ability

#147
Or maybe it had something to do with our mother's ability

#148
to watch silently as our dad drunkenly knocked us from room to room.

#149
to watch silently as our dad drunkenly knocked us from room to room.

#150
- What do you think, Newbie? - Probably the room to room thing.

#151
- What do you think, Newbie? - Probably the room to room thing.

#152
It's hard to find the right words at a moment like this.

#153
Dr Cox, if it makes you feel any better,

#154
Dr Cox, if it makes you feel any better,

#155
at the baptism I'll be there to keep Paige company.

#156
at the baptism I'll be there to keep Paige company.

#157
Yeah. You're not going.

#158
Damn it! Stupid baptism.

#159
Damn it! Stupid baptism.

#160
I'm going to have some sex I'm going to have some sex

#161
I'm going to have some sex I'm going to have some sex

#162
My cervical mucus is peaking, my temperature is slightly elevated.

#163
My cervical mucus is peaking, my temperature is slightly elevated.

#164
Pillows will keep my vagina angled so the semen pools against my cervix.

#165
Pillows will keep my vagina angled so the semen pools against my cervix.

#166
Baby, that is some God-awful dirty talk.

#167
Baby, that is some God-awful dirty talk.

#168
We're making a baby. Get down to business.

#169
We're making a baby. Get down to business.

#170
Honey, I need to feel the heat.

#171
I need 30 minutes of foreplay.

#172
I need 30 minutes of foreplay.

#173
Then, and only then, can I be fully ready... to make love to you.

#174
Then, and only then, can I be fully ready... to make love to you.

#175
Tyra Banks.

#176
There, you're ready.

#177
Hey, fellas. I'm trying to give somebody the evil eye over there.

#178
Hey, fellas. I'm trying to give somebody the evil eye over there.

#179
Would you mind breaking it up so I can? You understand.

#180
Would you mind breaking it up so I can? You understand.

#181
Thanks, fellas. Very nice of you. I appreciate it. Thank you.

#182
Thanks, fellas. Very nice of you. I appreciate it. Thank you.

#183
He's just mad because I won't help him move.

#184
He's just mad because I won't help him move.

#185
You should have done it. Helping someone move is like oral sex.

#186
You should have done it. Helping someone move is like oral sex.

#187
You do it once, and then they owe you for life.

#188
You do it once, and then they owe you for life.

#189
My high school boyfriend is an accountant and he does my taxes free.

#190
My high school boyfriend is an accountant and he does my taxes free.

#191
You know what's weird? He also does my brother Barry's.

#192
You know what's weird? He also does my brother Barry's.

#193
My son Harrison dabbles in sadomasochism

#194
and he has a new gimp named Barry.

#195
and he has a new gimp named Barry.

#196
Or is it Larry? At my age it's getting harder to keep track of his gimps.

#197
Or is it Larry? At my age it's getting harder to keep track of his gimps.

#198
Then it occurred to me.

#199
This was the perfect opportunity to take an enemy and turn him into a friend.

#200
This was the perfect opportunity to take an enemy and turn him into a friend.

#201
I'll do it.

#202
I knew you would. You're predictable.

#203
- No, I'm not. - No, I'm not.

#204
- No, I'm not. - No, I'm not.

#205
- Stop doing that! - Stop doing that!

#206
- Peanut-butter-egg-dirt! - Peanut-butter-egg-dirt!

#207
- Peanut-butter-egg-dirt! - Peanut-butter-egg-dirt!

#208
Newbie, let's go. Mr Donnelly's test results are in.

#209
Newbie, let's go. Mr Donnelly's test results are in.

#210
It's never easy to tell a family that medicine isn't working.

#211
It's never easy to tell a family that medicine isn't working.

#212
I... I wish I had better news for you.

#213
I... I wish I had better news for you.

#214
We're not seeing the improvement we'd hoped for with this medication.

#215
We're not seeing the improvement we'd hoped for with this medication.

#216
- What are our options? - I'm afraid there are no other options.

#217
- What are our options? - I'm afraid there are no other options.

#218
There's always prayer.

#219
Oh, no.

#220
You know, with God by your side, anything is possible.

#221
You know, with God by your side, anything is possible.

#222
Could I speak with you

#223
in the "stop filling my patient's head with false hope" ward?

#224
in the "stop filling my patient's head with false hope" ward?

#225
Paige, we have protocol here.

#226
First we shake our Magic 8-Ball, then we explore all witchcraft-related options.

#227
First we shake our Magic 8-Ball, then we explore all witchcraft-related options.

#228
First we shake our Magic 8-Ball, then we explore all witchcraft-related options.

#229
Right, 'cause people who believe in God are crazy and you're the sane one.

#230
Right, 'cause people who believe in God are crazy and you're the sane one.

#231
Hey, do you guys like improv? 'Cause I'm kind of an expert.

#232
Hey, do you guys like improv? 'Cause I'm kind of an expert.

#233
There's a game we play in class where you make up what people are saying.

#234
There's a game we play in class where you make up what people are saying.

#235
Like watch. "Do you want some pie?"

#236
Like watch. "Do you want some pie?"

#237
"Not me! I hate pie!" "What are you talking about? Who hates pie?

#238
Everyone loves pie!" "I've always hated pie.

#239
You never understood me. You're a pie racist."

#240
You never understood me. You're a pie racist."

#241
"You're a cobbler whore."

#242
For God's sake, get off pie!

#243
For God's sake, get off pie!

#244
- Jerk. - Republican.

#245
- Jerk. - Republican.

#246
Pie.

#247
I've got to find an improv class that doesn't meet in the back of a pie shop.

#248
I've got to find an improv class that doesn't meet in the back of a pie shop.

#249
Damn it, I gotta go have ovulation sex again.

#250
Damn it, I gotta go have ovulation sex again.

#251
Are you complaining about getting to have sex?

#252
Because that is so insensitive, Turk.

#253
Because that is so insensitive, Turk.

#254
- J. D... - Let me feel my feelings, Turk!

#255
- J. D... - Let me feel my feelings, Turk!

#256
We worked on this.

#257
- I really gotta stop doing that. - You can talk to me if you want.

#258
- I really gotta stop doing that. - You can talk to me if you want.

#259
I can't talk to you about sex. I don't understand that crazy gibberish you use.

#260
I can't talk to you about sex. I don't understand that crazy gibberish you use.

#261
Penis is schwing-something.

#262
Schwing-schwong, peepers or peep.

#263
Schwing-schwong, peepers or peep.

#264
And vagina is...

#265
Disgusting, but also bajingo or hoo-hoo.

#266
Disgusting, but also bajingo or hoo-hoo.

#267
Here's the deal. I'm trying to get in the mood, right?

#268
Here's the deal. I'm trying to get in the mood, right?

#269
And Carla's going on and on about her cervical mucus...

#270
And Carla's going on and on about her cervical mucus...

#271
From now on, cervical mucus will be referred to as "icky sticky."

#272
From now on, cervical mucus will be referred to as "icky sticky."

#273
- Icky sticky. - Continue.

#274
- Icky sticky. - Continue.

#275
- Morning, sunshine. - Never say that again.

#276
- Morning, sunshine. - Never say that again.

#277
Noted.

#278
That was quite a fight you had with your sister.

#279
That was quite a fight you had with your sister.

#280
Won't it be a little awkward when you show up at St. Mary's Cathedral

#281
Won't it be a little awkward when you show up at St. Mary's Cathedral

#282
on the corner of Maple and Pine right across from Temple Oheb Shalom at 4pm?

#283
on the corner of Maple and Pine right across from Temple Oheb Shalom at 4pm?

#284
That's not where the baptism is, but nice try.

#285
That's not where the baptism is, but nice try.

#286
Mark my words. When that bastard's dipped in water, I will be there.

#287
Anyway, I just invited Paige to come by.

#288
Mr Donnelly's labs came back and it looks like the steroid is working.

#289
Mr Donnelly's labs came back and it looks like the steroid is working.

#290
If you happen to be keeping score, that would be medicine one, God zero.

#291
If you happen to be keeping score, that would be medicine one, God zero.

#292
You don't have to rub it in her face.

#293
You don't have to rub it in her face.

#294
I don't have to stick Kelso's stethoscope down my pants, but I do.

#295
I don't have to stick Kelso's stethoscope down my pants, but I do.

#296
Isn't there some other relationship you could be out there trying to fix?

#297
Isn't there some other relationship you could be out there trying to fix?

#298
Actually, there was.

#299
Mornin' sunshine.

#300
Mornin' sunshine.

#301
- I don't like that. - Nobody seems to.

#302
- I don't like that. - Nobody seems to.

#303
Come on. Grab some boxes. Let's get to moving.

#304
I hope I can find a way to connect with him.

#305
I hope I can find a way to connect with him.

#306
Thanks. That's one of my favourite pieces.

#307
You're welcome, friend.

#308
I gotta say, you have a lot of Asian art around here.

#309
I gotta say, you have a lot of Asian art around here.

#310
When I was a kid, I thought I'd travel the world.

#311
After college I went to China. Did all the touristy things.

#312
After college I went to China. Did all the touristy things.

#313
I saw the Great Wall, ate the food, had a baby with a local.

#314
I saw the Great Wall, ate the food, had a baby with a local.

#315
Just the regular stuff.

#316
Just the regular stuff.

#317
I decorate my place this way because it reminds me

#318
of a more optimistic time. That probably sounds crazy.

#319
of a more optimistic time. That probably sounds crazy.

#320
Doesn't sound crazy at all.

#321
Doesn't sound crazy at all.

#322
Thanks, man.

#323
And like that, I was in.

#324
And like that, I was in.

#325
Damn!

#326
- I paged you an hour ago. - I was in surgery.

#327
- I paged you an hour ago. - I was in surgery.

#328
Is that doughnut glaze on your cheek?

#329
- Guess we're not having sex? - Oh, no. We're having sex.

#330
- Guess we're not having sex? - Oh, no. We're having sex.

#331
- Get in there. - Wait, baby, I'm too full.

#332
- Get in there. - Wait, baby, I'm too full.

#333
- Now, Turk! - Man!

#334
- Now, Turk! - Man!

#335
Long story short, after confirming it with my bunkmates,

#336
that counsellor and his "friendship" lotion were transferred out of our cabin

#337
that counsellor and his "friendship" lotion were transferred out of our cabin

#338
that counsellor and his "friendship" lotion were transferred out of our cabin

#339
and we never spoke about it again.

#340
Well, what doesn't kill you...

#341
Well, what doesn't kill you...

#342
We were thick as two thieves in a pod.

#343
We were thick as two thieves in a pod.

#344
OK, time to move some of the heavier stuff,

#345
so you might want to put on these gloves.

#346
so you might want to put on these gloves.

#347
And the attic upstairs has a lot of fibreglass in it, so a little hat.

#348
And the attic upstairs has a lot of fibreglass in it, so a little hat.

#349
- Thanks, pal. - Sure, bud.

#350
- Thanks, pal. - Sure, bud.

#351
I figured out why I'm so great at managing relationships.

#352
I figured out why I'm so great at managing relationships.

#353
I don't rub things in people's faces.

#354
I thought you might like to know that your husband's chest x-ray looks better.

#355
I thought you might like to know that your husband's chest x-ray looks better.

#356
I thought you might like to know that your husband's chest x-ray looks better.

#357
He is finally starting to improve.

#358
Thank you so much.

#359
Thank you so much.

#360
I was really just doing my job.

#361
Oh, I'm talking to Paige. She was up all night praying with us.

#362
Oh, I'm talking to Paige. She was up all night praying with us.

#363
You big jerk!

#364
You big jerk!

#365
I never go to bed very, very mad.

#366
I never go to bed very, very mad.

#367
Angry sex is awesome.

#368
I've always known if I make even the slightest gesture of friendship

#369
I've always known if I make even the slightest gesture of friendship

#370
to a difficult co-worker...

#371
Who are you?

#372
Who are you?

#373
... I'll end up robbing an Asian couple's house.

#374
... I'll end up robbing an Asian couple's house.

#375
I couldn't help wondering what the sentence was for stealing a buddha.

#376
I couldn't help wondering what the sentence was for stealing a buddha.

#377
After all, people get pretty sensitive about religion.

#378
Could I comment on the baptism dress?

#379
Could I comment on the baptism dress?

#380
Wait to see the matching slippers and handbag.

#381
You're actually encouraging him to cross-dress on the same day

#382
You're actually encouraging him to cross-dress on the same day

#383
you're introducing him to a religion

#384
you're introducing him to a religion

#385
that will condemn him to hell for it. That's a trauma two-fer.

#386
that will condemn him to hell for it. That's a trauma two-fer.

#387
Can you two please just try to get along?

#388
Can you two please just try to get along?

#389
I'm getting some blush for Jack,

#390
because this lace collar is washing out his face. Terrible.

#391
because this lace collar is washing out his face. Terrible.

#392
Paige, will you just acknowledge that medicine made Mr Donnelly better?

#393
Paige, will you just acknowledge that medicine made Mr Donnelly better?

#394
Fine, it was medicine.

#395
Fine, it was medicine.

#396
Thank God for creating medicine.

#397
Thank God for creating medicine.

#398
That's it! That is it!

#399
Now, you may be a total goner, but God's not getting his hands on this one.

#400
Now, you may be a total goner, but God's not getting his hands on this one.

#401
No way. No how.

#402
No way. No how.

#403
Come on, Jackie boy, we've got places to go.

#404
Come on, Jackie boy, we've got places to go.

#405
- Turk, I'm ready! - All right.

#406
- Turk, I'm ready! - All right.

#407
So angry sex is awesome. That's no reason to go down a bad road.

#408
So angry sex is awesome. That's no reason to go down a bad road.

#409
So angry sex is awesome. That's no reason to go down a bad road.

#410
Baby, you know what I miss?

#411
Baby, you know what I miss?

#412
When your body was kickin'.

#413
I ain't touching no damn diapers.

#414
I ain't touching no damn diapers.

#415
Baby, all I'm saying is, in some European countries,

#416
Baby, all I'm saying is, in some European countries,

#417
it's totally acceptable for a man to have a mistress.

#418
it's totally acceptable for a man to have a mistress.

#419
What are you?

#420
What are you?

#421
I'm gonna make you pay for every word you said.

#422
I'm gonna make you pay for every word you said.

#423
Worth it.

#424
Now that I'm on the lam, I thought about two things:

#425
One, what my prison name would be.

#426
One, what my prison name would be.

#427
Gizmo.

#428
And two, whether some relationships were beyond repair.

#429
And two, whether some relationships were beyond repair.

#430
Then fate threw me another curve.

#431
Then fate threw me another curve.

#432
- Who's your friend? - My boy in a dress. Who's yours?

#433
Seeing as he gave me the strength to outrun the sheriff's K-9 unit,

#434
Seeing as he gave me the strength to outrun the sheriff's K-9 unit,

#435
I'd say he's my new god.

#436
I'd say he's my new god.

#437
You can rub mine's belly if I can rub yours.

#438
You can rub mine's belly if I can rub yours.

#439
Don't you touch my son.

#440
Angry sex is like a drug. I can't stop.

#441
I'll be right out. I'm fixing my hair.

#442
I'll be right out. I'm fixing my hair.

#443
Rake's in the closet, baby.

#444
Help me!

#445
Turk, just go back to the way things were. Carla loved it.

#446
Turk, just go back to the way things were. Carla loved it.

#447
Trying to make a baby with you is the sexiest thing in the world to her.

#448
Trying to make a baby with you is the sexiest thing in the world to her.

#449
I'm a man. I've been programmed to think that a baby

#450
I'm a man. I've been programmed to think that a baby

#451
is the worst possible consequence of sex.

#452
Well, it's not.

#453
Well, it's not.

#454
Honey for my honey.

#455
Honey for my honey.

#456
Why are you stopping?

#457
Losing a baseball scholarship because a bear ate your arm

#458
is a much worse consequence of sex.

#459
is a much worse consequence of sex.

#460
You have to help me end this angry sex cycle.

#461
You have to help me end this angry sex cycle.

#462
I'm ready.

#463
Carla, Turk's making you mad on purpose because the angry sex is so good.

#464
Carla, Turk's making you mad on purpose because the angry sex is so good.

#465
The cycle is broken.

#466
The cycle is broken.

#467
There will be no whining or crying while we sit here.

#468
- He seems fine. - I wasn't talking to him.

#469
- He seems fine. - I wasn't talking to him.

#470
I don't whine or cry.

#471
I don't whine or cry.

#472
Really? How do you explain these photos of you whining and crying

#473
as you run away from the Kwans' apartment?

#474
as you run away from the Kwans' apartment?

#475
- These are coasters. - My camera's broken.

#476
- These are coasters. - My camera's broken.

#477
- You turned me into a felon! - You know what there, Newbie?

#478
- You turned me into a felon! - You know what there, Newbie?

#479
You can go to the baptism. And take Jack.

#480
You can go to the baptism. And take Jack.

#481
Jordan'll kill me if he's not there. Plus, I know you.

#482
You're one watered-down appletini away from trying to fix my sister and me.

#483
You're one watered-down appletini away from trying to fix my sister and me.

#484
No. If there's one thing I learned from this guy,

#485
No. If there's one thing I learned from this guy,

#486
I need to stop fixing people's relationships.

#487
I need to stop fixing people's relationships.

#488
You're welcome.

#489
I've never known you to judge a person based on their beliefs.

#490
I've never known you to judge a person based on their beliefs.

#491
You're pretty tolerant of everyone. Except Hugh Jackman.

#492
You're pretty tolerant of everyone. Except Hugh Jackman.

#493
I just don't understand why your sister being religious bothers you so much.

#494
I just don't understand why your sister being religious bothers you so much.

#495
- It doesn't. - Then why are you so angry?

#496
- It doesn't. - Then why are you so angry?

#497
So do you like pie? "Look at me.

#498
So do you like pie? "Look at me.

#499
Do I look like a guy who doesn't like pie? I love pie."

#500
Incidentally, where do you buy your loincloths?

#501
Incidentally, where do you buy your loincloths?

#502
I don't think I can do this without Perry. He's my everything.

#503
I don't think I can do this without Perry. He's my everything.

#504
It would be weird if you were like that.

#505
It would be weird if you were like that.

#506
- Right? Yeah. - Yeah.

#507
I don't understand why we can't have fun.

#508
I don't understand why we can't have fun.

#509
I'm glad you had to hurt my feelings.

#510
I'm glad you had to hurt my feelings.

#511
- I can't believe you! Calm down. - Calm down? I'm gonna kill you!

#512
You hear that? She's gonna kill me. Get her.

#513
You hear that? She's gonna kill me. Get her.

#514
OK, look. You two stop fighting or I will turn this church around!

#515
OK, look. You two stop fighting or I will turn this church around!

#516
Sometimes I think it takes a child to make you see the light.

#517
Sometimes I think it takes a child to make you see the light.

#518
(gentle music)

#519
(gentle music)

#520
Isn't he beautiful?

#521
Yeah. He is.

#522
Yeah. He is.

#523
Oh, wow!

#524
Oh, wow!

#525
Has anyone ever told you you're an extremely average athlete?

#526
Has anyone ever told you you're an extremely average athlete?

#527
That's cold, sis. Ice cold.

#528
You know, I've been thinking about why I hate seeing you so much.

#529
You know, I've been thinking about why I hate seeing you so much.

#530
You know, I've been thinking about why I hate seeing you so much.

#531
Please, Perry, don't hold back.

#532
It's not the God stuff.

#533
It's not the God stuff.

#534
I've worked hard to try to forget everything about our childhood.

#535
I've worked hard to try to forget everything about our childhood.

#536
But when I see you,

#537
I... I can't think about anything else.

#538
I... I can't think about anything else.

#539
It's hard for me too.

#540
I don't see why you can't be there for the major events in Jack's life.

#541
I don't see why you can't be there for the major events in Jack's life.

#542
I'd love to see him turn three.

#543
The major events, Paige:

#544
The major events, Paige:

#545
His graduation, his wedding, his divorce and his funeral. The big four.

#546
His graduation, his wedding, his divorce and his funeral. The big four.

#547
I beat you at Horse, he has a church wedding.

#548
I beat you at Horse, he has a church wedding.

#549
Done.

#550
- That went in, didn't it? - Did you thank the G-man for that?

#551
- That went in, didn't it? - Did you thank the G-man for that?

#552
- That was all me, baby. - Yeah, it was.

#553
- That was all me, baby. - Yeah, it was.

#554
So maybe relationships can be fixed.

#555
So maybe relationships can be fixed.

#556
Whether it's by coming around to your spouse's way of thinking...

#557
Whether it's by coming around to your spouse's way of thinking...

#558
I'm sorry. I didn't get how this baby-making stuff could be sexy,

#559
I'm sorry. I didn't get how this baby-making stuff could be sexy,

#560
but I do now.

#561
but I do now.

#562
Well, you know, Turk,

#563
I can get angry if you give me a little help.

#564
I can get angry if you give me a little help.

#565
If you had no hair, you'd look like Danny DeVito.

#566
If you had no hair, you'd look like Danny DeVito.

#567
Turk, a little help.

#568
Turk, a little help.

#569
... or by reassuring the Kwans that their big guy didn't desert them.

#570
... or by reassuring the Kwans that their big guy didn't desert them.

#571
In the end, you just have to be willing to take the first step.

#572
In the end, you just have to be willing to take the first step.

#573
By the way, if you want, Jack's birthday is in the spring... sometime.

#574
By the way, if you want, Jack's birthday is in the spring... sometime.

#575
March 21 st. Bye, Perry.

#576
March 21 st. Bye, Perry.

#577
Bye, Paige.

#578
- You know, Paige is a silly name. - Perry's worse.

#579
- You know, Paige is a silly name. - Perry's worse.

#580
Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

#581
Edited by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

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