Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S17E06 — Overage Drinking - A National Concern

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 17, Episode 6 — Overage Drinking - A National Concern

#1
- [Mac] They are really going at it. - [Dee] Lot of tongue.

#2
[Dennis] Too much tongue.

#3
I think it's kind of weird that we're watching them, right?

#4
Well, it's hot. I think it'd be weird if we didn't watch them.

#5
They are super young though.

#6
- [Dennis] Yeah. - In fact, everybody here is super young.

#7
- [Dee] Oh, goddamn. - Oh, come on.

#8
- Hey, are you 21? - Yeah, what does it look like?

#9
Yeah, fuck off, grandpa.

#10
- [Dee gasps] - [Mac] Oh.

#11
- The mouth on him. - [Dennis] I mean

#12
- [Dee] Heinous. - Wait a second.

#13
Didn't we, like, just deal with this?

#14
[Dee] We just dealt with something like this.

#15
- We did, right? - Not long ago.

#16
All right, let's kick 'em out.

#17
- Goddamn it, Son. - [son] Shit.

#18
- Oh, my God. - [parent] I can't believe you're in a bar.

#19
[parent 2] You are in so much trouble.

#20
How many times do we have to tell you to stay away from her?

#21
We're in love.

#22
Yeah, and there's nothing you can do about it.

#23
- [Mac] Ooh. - Oh, my God. That was riveting.

#24
[Dee] Yeah, turned into a real Romeo and Juliet thing,

#25
- didn't it? - Yeah.

#26
[parent 1] I don't know what to do with him.

#27
- He's gotta stop drinking. - [Dennis] Hey, guys.

#28
You guys look familiar.

#29
Yeah, you do too.

#30
Hang on a second. What are your names?

#31
I'm Trey. This is Tammy.

#32
Oh, shit. This is classic Tammy.

#33
- [all speak indistinct

#34
[Charlie whispering] Trey and Tammy were lovers in high school,

#35
but she wanted to make Trey jealous by flirting with Dennis.

#36
Dee tried to bang Trey, but he was only using her

#37
to get back at Tammy and it worked.

#38
They slept together on their prom night.

#39
They had a baby that they named Trey Jr.

#40
Trey Jr.'s in love with that girl named Kerry Bitaberry,

#41
but Trey and Tammy hate Kerry Bitaberry

#42
because the Bitaberry family is trash, which they are.

#43
Dennis and Dee are, like, super obsessed with Trey and Tammy still.

#44
I can pretty much tell by their body language.

#45
I think they're gonna try to bang them.

#46
Huh? Did you say something? I wasn't listening.

#47
[whispering] Oh, yeah. That's Trey and Tammy.

#48
They were lovers in high school. Tammy tried to bang--

#49
Dude, I don't give a flying fuck about any of this gossipy bullshit.

#50
- You're not into teen drama? - No, because I am an adult.

#51
And I like adult stories, like a sexual psychological thriller, you know?

#52
This has no weight to it.

#53
Well, this has been fun catching up.

#54
- [Dee] Yeah. - We're done? Okay.

#55
Yeah. Yeah, you know, we should do this more often.

#56
It's so hard to believe we haven't seen each other since high school.

#57
- Yeah. - Well, since we were in high school.

#58
You were 30.

#59
Okay. Well, let's not do that, you know? Time's all in your head, Tammy.

#60
And in your ass, apparently.

#61
- She's just making a joke. You look great. - It's true.

#62
Well, if our son ever comes back in here again,

#63
can you please send him home? Or at least not sell him alcohol?

#64
Speaking of which. I assume you will be picking up the tab, yeah?

#65
'Cause they kind of hustled out of here and you are legal guardians.

#66
Yeah. I actually think that's a law.

#67
I think you have to pick up your child's tab if

#68
Here. Let's go.

#69
- You gave him way too much-- Okay. - Now.

#70
Oh, man.

#71
- What a trip down memory lane, huh? - [door opens, closes]

#72
- Trey looks good. - Yeah, so does Tammy.

#73
Yeah, sometimes I feel like she might be the one that got away.

#74
Hey, did you sense something off between them?

#75
Something was off, right? It was all in the body language.

#76
Yeah, there was a strain there, right? Right?

#77
There was a strain there. God, that's hot.

#78
- Is it? - Married, forbidden lust.

#79
- Uh-huh. - Ooh.

#80
I bet those two are just screaming for some strange.

#81
Yeah.

#82
[Charlie] This is classic Dee and Dennis stuff.

#83
I think they're gonna try to sleep with those two people

#84
that don't want to sleep with them at all.

#85
It's probably gonna wind up in a rape or a murder.

#86
What?

#87
Jesus Christ, man.

#88
You know we can hear you? I would never do that.

#89
- Well - [sighs] Don't tell her though.

#90
[♪ jovial music]

#91
[Dee] This is very exciting. I got a couple of bits planned,

#92
- so just let me do my thing. - Oh, you Don't do bits.

#93
No, no. Trust me.

#94
Dee, I think let's throw 'em off the scent at first.

#95
- I don't see how that's gonna be possible - [bell rings]

#96
- with all that cologne you're wearing. - That's actually not a cologne.

#97
No, that's a pheromone serum I heard about on Rogan. Super cool, man.

#98
It's like testicular fluid from, like, a bull's prostate or something like that.

#99
I know it sounds strange, but it's scientifically proven

#100
to intimidate males and drive females wild.

#101
Human females?

#102
Focus, Dee. Stop. All right, listen.

#103
Listen, once we get in there, let's split off by gender, okay?

#104
I'll have a man-to-man talk with Trey, and you do, I don't know,

#105
whatever it is that you females do when you're alone with each other.

#106
And then let's find an excuse to split off again--

#107
- Uh, take a shit. - Too gross.

#108
Well, it's A shit is all I can think about.

#109
It's overwhelming, the smell that's coming off of you.

#110
The smell isn't coming off right to you.

#111
It's a pheromonal thing because you're my sister, okay?

#112
If it was working on you, then we'd have a real problem,

#113
- wouldn't we? - That would be bad. All right.

#114
- Hey, Tammy. Hi. - Tammy, we were just in the neighborhood,

#115
so we thought we'd just swing by and say hi.

#116
- Yeah. - Oh. Hello.

#117
Are you expecting somebody else?

#118
No, no. I was just wondering what that smell was.

#119
- Oh. - I guess the lawn got fertilized. So

#120
Oh.

#121
No, I think maybe, you're

#122
Maybe you're smelling a cool spring breeze?

#123
Perhaps some freshly hung laundry.

#124
Did one of you step in dog shit?

#125
- I don't think so. - I know I didn't.

#126
Okay, well, come on in. Take your shoes off.

#127
- [Tammy] Jesus. - No problem.

#128
Don't. Just don't.

#129
[♪ jovial music]

#130
[door opens]

#131
Hey, dude. All right. Thanks for coming over, man.

#132
[groans] I need your help with something.

#133
- [sighs] - Okay, w [sniffs]

#134
That smell. Has Dennis been here? I feel both intimidated and aroused.

#135
Know what that is? That's the old piss cans.

#136
I haven't changed them in, like, forever.

#137
Is that why you asked me over here?

#138
No. Look, remember when you said, like,

#139
you wanted, like, a sexual psychological thriller thing?

#140
You were more into those kind of stories.

#141
You wanna sink your teeth into something like that,

#142
you know what I mean? I got something for you.

#143
I'm listening.

#144
All right, take a look around this place.

#145
Something's missing. What is it?

#146
- A vacuum. - Stop. Come on, man. Be serious.

#147
I am dead serious. Buddy, how I don't get it.

#148
I mean, how can you be so obsessed with cleaning the bar

#149
and yet you live in all this piss and shit?

#150
Dude, it's Frank.

#151
- It's both of you. - Will you stop? It's Frank that's missing.

#152
Well, how is that a psychological sex thriller?

#153
Well, I don't know what it is, but it's strange, you know what I mean?

#154
Like, he didn't come home last night.

#155
He hasn't been at the bar recently.

#156
Like some of his stuff's missing, you know?

#157
I keep finding these, like, weird piles of hair everywhere.

#158
The piles of hair could be from any one

#159
of the wild animals that probably lives here.

#160
Well, you gotta admit it's kind of strange.

#161
Well, I'm not exactly thrilled, so it's not a thriller.

#162
But it is a mystery, I'll give you that. Okay, I'll bite.

#163
Where do you and Frank go when you're not together?

#164
Well, if we're not together, we don't go anywhere.

#165
- Well, right now you're not together. - Well, I'm here.

#166
I recognize where you are.

#167
What we're trying to do is find out where Frank is.

#168
- Oh. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay.

#169
Uh, he could be anywhere, you know?

#170
He could go under the bridge. He goes there a lot.

#171
- All right, we're getting somewhere. - Yeah.

#172
- Okay, I guess we gotta go - Check under the bridge. All right, cool.

#173
Yeah, you see? You're pretty good at this.

#174
- That rules out anything sexy. - Yeah.

#175
- Yeah. Okay, let's go. - All right.

#176
ere he is.

#177
I thought you were taking a shit.

#178
No. Come on, don't be silly.

#179
It's just the excuse I made to sort of peel off and be alone with you.

#180
You were in the bathroom for, like, 20 minutes.

#181
Yeah, I took a shit. But you know what? That's your fault, mister.

#182
Because you get things moving inside me, you know?

#183
- That's kind of gross. - Okay.

#184
Listen, I'm trying to take a shot here, but you're making it hard.

#185
Take a shot with what?

#186
Like a suburban married drama, you know? A little infidelity.

#187
Okay. Look

#188
If I'm being honest, uh, things aren't great between me and Tammy,

#189
- Ooh. - like sexually-wise right now.

#190
Maybe spicing things up in the bedroom might help.

#191
Yes. Okay, now you're talking.

#192
Okay. All right, let me finish up this laundry and then we can slip out of here.

#193
You always do the laundry?

#194
Yeah, and Tammy gets pissed if I do it half-assed.

#195
But I told her that I'd pick some things up

#196
at the supermarket after I walk the dogs.

#197
So, I could sneak out after lunch.

#198
So you do the grocery shopping, and you walk the dogs too?

#199
- And the laundry? - I do, yeah. Yeah.

#200
- Do you do the dishes? - I do.

#201
Tammy makes all the money, I don't know what to tell you.

#202
But like, I got some things on the side.

#203
I've been killing it at fantasy football.

#204
I gotta take a shit.

#205
- Tammy, Tammy, Tammy. - [chuckles]

#206
It's so great to be alone finally, isn't it?

#207
God, I swear there's a dead animal in here somewhere.

#208
There's no dead animal in here.

#209
- Might have to fumigate the entire house. - Enough with the smells. Let's

#210
Let's focus on the feelings.

#211
The feelings?

#212
Yeah, well, you're feeling trapped. You're feeling depressed.

#213
Life used to be so exciting, and now it's dull and dreary.

#214
Well, being married isn't the easiest thing in the world.

#215
I can only imagine. I wouldn't know though.

#216
Yeah, I live free. Like a wild beast.

#217
Okay.

#218
Maybe Trey's gotten a little bit too complacent.

#219
Maybe old Tammy needs to take a page out of young Tammy's notebook.

#220
What are you talking about?

#221
Let's bang and make Trey jealous.

#222
[scoffs]

#223
Oh, God. That's what this is about?

#224
Yeah.

#225
I'm not gonna bang you.

#226
- Well - Uh-uh.

#227
I have to take a shit.

#228
[Dennis sighs]

#229
- Trey's a pussy. I couldn't do it. - Yeah, I couldn't do it either.

#230
Tammy was all over me, but I found the whole thing boring.

#231
You know why? Because it's adult drama.

#232
That's why it's boring.

#233
Teen drama is exciting 'cause everything's brand-new.

#234
Adult stuff's just the same thing over and over and over and over.

#235
Yeah. See, teen drama's forged in lust.

#236
Adult drama's forged in sadness.

#237
So sad. He was folding the laundry.

#238
- What? - He does that every day.

#239
- She should be doing that. - Of course she should.

#240
You know what else? He goes grocery shopping.

#241
What? Why?

#242
Because he's a pussy like I said.

#243
Oh. Okay. Well, let's get out of here 'cause I do have to take shit for real.

#244
Not me.

#245
[♪ jovial music]

#246
I'm actually getting a little worried about Frank, man.

#247
All right, well, don't get melodramatic. This isn't a soap opera.

#248
Why do they call 'em that? There's no soap involved.

#249
- And no singing. - Right? Nothing operatic about it.

#250
No, not sure. Either way, it's not the kind of mystery we want.

#251
You see, we want a rising tension to make the comedy or tragedy

#252
feel more satisfying in the end.

#253
The wha The tragedy?

#254
Yeah. We don't know what this is yet, Charlie.

#255
Well, how would a tragedy feel satisfying?

#256
Well, okay. What if we came down here and we found Frank

#257
with a bullet in his head and a suicide note?

#258
- Not satisfying. - Not satisfying. Very tragic.

#259
However, there could be an overall poetic sense of completion

#260
to his inevitable story arc

#261
due to Frank's historically terrible life choices.

#262
And somehow, as a viewer,

#263
- I would feel satisfied by the - There would be a subconscious

#264
Yeah, that's not gonna work for me at all, man.

#265
What the hell are you talking about, dude?

#266
- Well, it's the hero's journey. - There he is.

#267
[Charlie] Cricket. Hey, man.

#268
Shit. What's good, baby? What's popping?

#269
What's with the, uh, dreadlocks and the voice you're doing?

#270
Oh. Yeah no, ain't no voice, baby.

#271
I'm just evolving right down here under the bridge, you know what I mean?

#272
Just trying to spread my business to a more diverse clientele,

#273
- you know what I mean? - [Mac] No. I don't feel you, no.

#274
I feel like this is not cool. Like, is this a good plot twist?

#275
- What is this? - This is

#276
There's nothing good about this. This is giving me the ick.

#277
Yeah, this is just

#278
I feel like we're dancing around a very dangerous line here.

#279
You know, just having, like, a white guy talking like, you know,

#280
"What it is, man?" Is not I'm just doing Cricket.

#281
- I'm just doing Cricket. Right? - We're not supposed to do it.

#282
We're past it as a society.

#283
It's okay for the detective to make fun of the suspect.

#284
Hold up. Why y'all saying suspect? Am I a suspect?

#285
Well, we don't know what you are yet, do we, Cricket?

#286
If this got something to do with that john who got his dick bit off,

#287
I don't know shit, all right? I wasn't there, and I didn't see shit.

#288
And I don't know where the dick is, okay?

#289
- You bit a dude's dick off, man? - No, I didn't bite it. No, no.

#290
They take the dick, and I don't know what they do with it,

#291
and I don't ask, okay?

#292
- Who's they? - Who's they?

#293
It doesn't matter 'cause I don't know shit, and I'm not talking.

#294
I'm gonna blow past this, especially 'cause I feel uncomfortable

#295
with you talking like this. Where's Frank?

#296
Whoa.

#297
- Now, that I really can't talk about. - Why not?

#298
Well, he made me sign an NDA, so this cricket ain't chirping.

#299
An NDA? That's good. That brings us right back around to a mystery.

#300
How's that good, dude?

#301
It means there's a paper trail. Cricket, do you have a copy of this NDA?

#302
Maybe I do. Maybe I don't.

#303
Stop with this, dude. Stop. I'm gonna kick the shit out of you, man.

#304
- Don't step to me. - [Charlie] Okay, all right.

#305
- All right, I won't. I won't, but - [Mac] Don't step to him.

#306
I need to know where Frank is, bro.

#307
All right. You know You know Goddamn, fine.

#308
I'll give you this, but then your Marian the Librarian ass

#309
has gotta roll up out of here. Man, y'all blowing up my spot.

#310
- What is Marian the Librarian? - The Music Man . Know your culture.

#311
I feel so uncomfortable with this whole thing.

#312
"Matthew Mara is hereby barred from any communication

#313
about Frank Reynolds or Frank will sue his ass."

#314
Well, that doesn't help us at all, dude.

#315
Yes, it does. Look who his lawyer is.

#316
- Who? - Jack Kelly, attorney-at-lawyering.

#317
Okay, you're sure this wouldn't be better to handle at my office?

#318
You have an office? That in itself is a mysterious twist.

#319
No, he doesn't. He's talking about my mom's basement.

#320
I have a filing cabinet and a computer.

#321
You have a filing cabinet until the FBI comes.

#322
[stammering]

#323
It's so annoying we got to go through him.

#324
- [Jack] Okay, all right. - What is the deal with Frank and this NDA?

#325
He's been getting some of his affairs in order.

#326
What does that mean, his affairs? What's going on with him? Where is the guy?

#327
Okay, well, he passed info to me,

#328
but I only have permission to show Charlie.

#329
Why?

#330
Well, because he's the one listed as the president of Frank's foundation.

#331
Okay. Well, this is news to me. I'm sorry, what foundation?

#332
Yeah, and what's my role in the foundation?

#333
Um

#334
Well, I'm not seeing you listed anywhere in here.

#335
That's impossible. Frank's always talking about me, isn't he?

#336
And how I should be more involved in his affairs.

#337
I'm gonna tell Charlie,

#338
and then after I leave, he can tell you if he likes.

#339
This is bullshit.

#340
Charlie, there's gotta be room for me in the foundation.

#341
I don't know. You know, there's a lot to think about

#342
now that I'm president, you know what I mean?

#343
I gotta find Frank. I gotta find out what I'm president of.

#344
You know, these are big decisions.

#345
They're kinda over your head, man.

#346
Yeah. All right, I'm gonna pass the info to you, okay?

#347
- Whoa! I didn't sign off on that maneuver. - [Mac laughs]

#348
Charlie, we've got an address.

#349
Yeah, but I didn't sign off on that, man.

#350
I needed to be able to do my job, all right?

#351
This is my job, getting the information, getting the facts.

#352
This is thrilling. What is this?

#353
Uh, it seems like we've transitioned into a bit of a political thriller.

#354
Ah.

#355
I like those. Needs a chase scene.

#356
You wanna chase me around the apartment?

#357
- No, we're not gonna do that - [Mac] I don't wanna be in that movie.

#358
with you, Uncle Jack.

#359
Well, I banged her.

#360
- [Dee] What? - Yeah.

#361
- Who? Tammy? - No, uh, Tammy's son's prom date.

#362
- Kerry Bitaberry? - Yeah.

#363
- Oh. - Yeah.

#364
Yeah, I was going for that forbidden teen drama thing, you know?

#365
I convinced her that Trey Jr. cheated on her,

#366
and the only way she could get back at him was to sleep with me.

#367
- [groans] - [chuckles]

#368
Gross.

#369
Yeah, and you know what?

#370
It was kinda gross, but probably not for the reasons you're thinking.

#371
It was gross because she wasn't satisfying to me.

#372
- [gasps] - She didn't know any moves, you know?

#373
I tried to teach her, but she wouldn't listen to any of my commands.

#374
- Can you believe this? - [gasps]

#375
Yeah, and now she's blowing up my phone, you know?

#376
She made me a playlist, like We don't have a song.

#377
How could we have a song together? We listen to no music whatsoever.

#378
The whole thing was done in silence. Except for the noises that I was making.

#379
- Stop. - What's grossing you out?

#380
- The fact that she wasn't satisfying me? - The fact that she's a child.

#381
No, she's not a child.

#382
- She's 19 years old, I checked. - Still a teen.

#383
Well, she has to be a teen. I thought we were doing a Romeo and Juliet thing.

#384
Juliet was not banging an old man.

#385
Dee, you know what? Just stop.

#386
I think the fact that she was 19 is actually the reason

#387
why Trey and Tammy didn't want their son dating her,

#388
because she was robbing the cradle. You know?

#389
- Okay, all right. - Why are you so grossed out by this?

#390
- You know what? I gotta go. - Where are you going?

#391
I gotta go bang Trey Jr.

#392
Why?

#393
Because we're doing a thing and I gotta win.

#394
All right.

#395
His address is a storage unit. You think he's in there?

#396
I don't know, man. Yeah, this could be, like,

#397
the secret headquarters of the foundation or something.

#398
That seems more like a James Bond spy thing.

#399
That doesn't really fit.

#400
I don't know, dude. The foundation's got a lot of international stuff happening.

#401
You don't even know what the foundation is.

#402
- Got it. Sixty-nine. Sixty-nine. - Well, of course.

#403
- [Mac] No Frank. - Yeah.

#404
What is this? "Toys for the foundation. Ship to Africa."

#405
I told you we had international dealings, you know what I mean?

#406
Africa is a big market for us, you know?

#407
We do a lot of, you know, trading of in the toy sector.

#408
You know, don't even ask too many questions about it.

#409
It's, like, annoying how much

#410
you're prying me about trying to be in the foundation.

#411
Let's see what's in here.

#412
I mean, like, maybe I can finagle you like a

#413
like an entry level position, but I can't just put you on the board or

#414
What am I looking at here? What is this?

#415
"Rhino." These are dick pills, man. Jesus.

#416
All right, well it took a sexual turn. That's kind of interesting.

#417
What is he doing in here with the dick pills?

#418
What's on the tape? What is this about?

#419
[Mac] I don't know. Should we watch it? I don't want to.

#420
Yeah, I'm a little concerned about what I might see here.

#421
I think you got to shield your eyes because he's most likely,

#422
almost definitely, for sure gonna be naked and fucking.

#423
Let's just hit play and let's just see what it's about.

#424
- Okay, we'll just Yeah, okay. - [Charlie] Let me know if he's got his

#425
Hey, I'm Frank. I've had a few great loves in my life.

#426
I lost one to racial injustice. Another one OD'd.

#427
Lost a wife to a botched neck job, but that's a whole other story.

#428
But I haven't had a love in my life for a long time, you know?

#429
And I'm not sure how long I can go on without it.

#430
[lighting striking, tape glitching]

#431
- That's it? - I don't know.

#432
Looks like he taped over some old Highlander episodes

#433
- and ran out of tape. - He always does that.

#434
He forgets where the tape

#435
What is this, man? What's he doing? I don't get it.

#436
He's doing a lot of dick pills, 'cause these are all empty.

#437
Oh, shit. Oh, shit, dude. That's not good.

#438
Frank always said he wanted his dick and his heart to explode at the same time.

#439
Dude, did he kill himself?

#440
If he did, he did it hard as a rock.

#441
[♪ jovial music]

#442
Knock, knock.

#443
Jesus Christ. You are a boy.

#444
Sorry, you are a lot younger than I than I remember.

#445
- Huh? - Yeah.

#446
In my head you looked a bit more like a man,

#447
but boy, are you not. You're a kid. You're a kid.

#448
- How in God's name did Dennis do this? - Do what?

#449
I'm trying to beat my brother. You wouldn't get it.

#450
- Are you the lady from the bar? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

#451
Let's just power through and get to the hot part, right?

#452
So sex. Sex.

#453
You are inexperienced and sex is exciting and maybe a little nerve-wracking.

#454
The kids at my school have been sleeping with each other for a decade.

#455
I don't need your whole backstory. You are 18, right?

#456
I don't wanna be mean,

#457
but my granny isn't that much older than you.

#458
- Your granny? - Yeah.

#459
Um, I will have you know I went to high school with your mom. So

#460
She said when she was in high school you were 40.

#461
- I was 30. - What's the difference?

#462
Ten years! Ten years is the diff

#463
Listen to me, you little shit.

#464
Dennis slept with your prom date.

#465
Oh, yeah. Does that make you sad?

#466
Do you wanna suck your thumb, little boy? I gotta go.

#467
Well, you win, Dennis. I couldn't do it.

#468
So it wasn't really a win-lose thing maybe.

#469
Of course it was, all right.

#470
But to be very clear, the kid wanted to, I just am not a criminal.

#471
I'm not a criminal either. Kerry Bitaberry is 19 years old.

#472
The only crime here is Kerry Bitaberry's inability to satisfy a lover.

#473
Well, then I probably did Trey Jr. a favor by telling him.

#474
Yeah, I guess Wait, what? You told him?

#475
Yeah, I told him. He took it pretty hard.

#476
It was juicy. I think he's gonna try and fight you after school.

#477
Although, watching a grown man be pummeled by a kid in his prime

#478
is more sad than dramatic, if I'm being honest.

#479
Goddamn it, Dee. Why'd you tell him? I mean, that's

#480
two local teens attempted suicide

#481
when they drove off the Strawberry Mansion Bridge.

#482
Fortunately, the teens survived the crash,

#483
although both sustained injuries and will be likely severely disfigured.

#484
Oh

#485
Well, I could definitely kick his ass now, right? He's all jacked up.

#486
Wha What?

#487
You're not gonna make me feel bad about this, okay? I don't feel bad.

#488
I don't feel anything.

#489
- [door opens] - Guys, we got a problem.

#490
Frank took all his dick pills.

#491
- [Dennis sighs] - Oh.

#492
- He's gonna commit suicide. - He's gonna commit suicide.

#493
Yeah, yeah. 'Cause his penis is

#494
[Dee] Hey, speaking of suicide.

#495
Dennis almost killed a couple of teenagers.

#496
Yeah, they drove off a bridge, but they're still alive.

#497
Who? Kerry Bitaberry and Trey Jr.?

#498
- [Dee] That's them. - You bet.

#499
- That's classic Dennis. - Come on, man.

#500
Maybe teen drama does have some weight to it 'cause that's like a tragedy.

#501
Uh, well I mean, it's really only a tragedy if they die.

#502
You know, if they're just, like, mangled and stuff,

#503
then I think it's nothing. It's not anything.

#504
- You know, maybe a horror film? - All right, well, we're still in a mystery

#505
- 'cause Frank is missing. - [Dee] Uh, guys

#506
- one of Philadelphia's own has been - I think I found him.

#507
selected to be the next Golden Bachelor .

#508
Local businessman and philanthropist, Frank Reynolds is looking for love.

#509
Frank's Global Youth Foundation brings joy to needy children.

#510
I want to share that joy with someone I can spend the rest of my life with.

#511
Seems like a great guy. We hope you find true love, Frank.

#512
We'll be rooting for you.

#513
Well, that's what you call a plot twist.

#514
[♪ jovial music]

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