Home » Scrubs » S05E03 — My Day at the Races

Scrubs

Season 5, Episode 3 — My Day at the Races

#1
Since I was currently homeless,

#2
Turk and Carla let me crash here as long as I needed.

#3
Turk and Carla let me crash here as long as I needed.

#4
You have to get out. This place is tiny.

#5
I'm sick of seeing your man-panties all over the bathroom.

#6
I'm sick of seeing your man-panties all over the bathroom.

#7
- They're called boxers, Carla. - They're satin, J.D.

#8
- They're called boxers, Carla. - They're satin, J.D.

#9
With a breathable cotton crotch panel. King me.

#10
With a breathable cotton crotch panel. King me.

#11
I need to find someone to split the rent at my place.

#12
I need to find someone to split the rent at my place.

#13
I thought you get good money at your fellowship.

#14
My fellowship gets cancelled because some jackass cures the disease,

#15
My fellowship gets cancelled because some jackass cures the disease,

#16
and the only job I can get is working at this free clinic

#17
and the only job I can get is working at this free clinic

#18
for eight bucks an hour. No one's life could be worse than mine.

#19
for eight bucks an hour. No one's life could be worse than mine.

#20
The fellowship's great.

#21
Carla, please don't tell them I'm working at a free clinic.

#22
Carla, please don't tell them I'm working at a free clinic.

#23
She doesn't want me to tell them.

#24
She doesn't want me to tell them.

#25
Women have an unspoken connection men can't even fathom.

#26
Women have an unspoken connection men can't even fathom.

#27
You can't look because Carla's here,

#28
but you're missing a Victoria's Secret commercial.

#29
but you're missing a Victoria's Secret commercial.

#30
I'm watching Gisele in my spoon right now.

#31
I'm watching Gisele in my spoon right now.

#32
You know, you two could solve both of your problems if you moved in together.

#33
You know, you two could solve both of your problems if you moved in together.

#34
- Whoa, whoa, whoa and whoa! - Hold your horses!

#35
- Whoa, whoa, whoa and whoa! - Hold your horses!

#36
- We have a very complicated past. - I hurt her, and I'm not proud.

#37
- We have a very complicated past. - I hurt her, and I'm not proud.

#38
I'm a little proud.

#39
We've restored our friendship by staying away from dangerous topics.

#40
We've restored our friendship by staying away from dangerous topics.

#41
Relationships, things of that nature.

#42
Relationships, things of that nature.

#43
- J.D. And I keep it superficial. - Love the superficial.

#44
- J.D. And I keep it superficial. - Love the superficial.

#45
- Dynamite teeth today. - Oh, thanks, buddy!

#46
- Sparkly! - Yeah!

#47
- Sparkly! - Yeah!

#48
You can't live with Elliot but you're not living with us. Get out by Friday.

#49
You can't live with Elliot but you're not living with us. Get out by Friday.

#50
Friday's my birthday. I've e-vited everyone to a party at our place.

#51
Friday's my birthday. I've e-vited everyone to a party at our place.

#52
- Whose place? - Your place.

#53
- Whose place? - Your place.

#54
I can't just un-e-vite everyone.

#55
I've already got two e-yeses and 24 e-maybes. That's a lot of e-sponses.

#56
I've already got two e-yeses and 24 e-maybes. That's a lot of e-sponses.

#57
Bambi, I'm gonna put my e-foot up your ass.

#58
Bambi, I'm gonna put my e-foot up your ass.

#59
It's a Mexican-themed fiesta on the first anniversary of my 29th birthday.

#60
It's a Mexican-themed fiesta on the first anniversary of my 29th birthday.

#61
That means I'm turning 30.

#62
That means I'm turning 30.

#63
Donde? 56 Walnut Drive.

#64
Donde? 56 Walnut Drive.

#65
Quando? Thank you for asking.

#66
Ocho-thirty until upside-down question mark. Sombreros at the door.

#67
Ocho-thirty until upside-down question mark. Sombreros at the door.

#68
(Trills)

#69
(Trills)

#70
I'll be there.

#71
Gracias, amigo.

#72
I borrowed one of your dictionaries.

#73
I borrowed one of your dictionaries.

#74
Since 12 surgical residents at Sacred Heart were fighting

#75
Since 12 surgical residents at Sacred Heart were fighting

#76
for four attending spots, Turk was ass-kissing senior staff.

#77
Oh, damn, I left my briefcase upstairs.

#78
Oh, damn, I left my briefcase upstairs.

#79
Excuse me a second.

#80
Excuse me a second.

#81
Turk thought he was the only one who heard that.

#82
Dr Wen! Dr Wen! I've got your brief...

#83
He was not.

#84
He was not.

#85
I had no idea that there was that many Asian surgeons in this hospital.

#86
I had no idea that there was that many Asian surgeons in this hospital.

#87
I got your back, T-Dog.

#88
Then let it begin.

#89
Then let it begin.

#90
('KUNG FU FIGHTING')

#91
('KUNG FU FIGHTING')

#92
('KUNG FU FIGHTING')

#93
Yeeeeaaaaarrrrr!

#94
Yeeeeaaaaarrrrr!

#95
Yeeeeaaaaarrrrr!

#96
Quit fooling around with those guys and get down here!

#97
Quit fooling around with those guys and get down here!

#98
Here comes the big dog!

#99
Here comes the big dog!

#100
- Dude. - Yeah.

#101
- Thanks for having my back. - Yeah. Betrayal five.

#102
- Thanks for having my back. - Yeah. Betrayal five.

#103
What?

#104
- Hey, buddy. - Hey!

#105
- Hey, buddy. - Hey!

#106
Betrayal five.

#107
Dr Wen!

#108
- Oh, my briefcase. - Yeah.

#109
- Oh, my briefcase. - Yeah.

#110
You know, I totally saw that coming.

#111
(THEME SONG)

#112
(THEME SONG)

#113
Dude, look at you. Thirty years old, all growed up.

#114
Dude, look at you. Thirty years old, all growed up.

#115
Oh, really, Turk?

#116
Because the Sacred Heart sign I vandalised last night begs to differ.

#117
Because the Sacred Heart sign I vandalised last night begs to differ.

#118
Remember when we made lists of all the stuff we wanted to do by 30?

#119
Remember when we made lists of all the stuff we wanted to do by 30?

#120
- Yeah. - Check it!

#121
"Things to do by 30: Get married, buy a house,

#122
"Things to do by 30: Get married, buy a house,

#123
learn difference between senator and congressman."

#124
- You haven't done any. - I know. Who cares?

#125
- You haven't done any. - I know. Who cares?

#126
I got all the time in the world. I mean, I'm only turning 30.

#127
I got all the time in the world. I mean, I'm only turning 30.

#128
- Thirty? - No one's 30.

#129
Where did all these unsupervised children come from?

#130
So you wanted to talk to me about your appendectomy, Mrs...

#131
So you wanted to talk to me about your appendectomy, Mrs...

#132
...Appendectomy?

#133
Now that ain't right!

#134
Now that ain't right!

#135
15 percent of surgical complications are anaesthesia-related.

#136
15 percent of surgical complications are anaesthesia-related.

#137
I'd like to use hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.

#138
I'd like to use hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.

#139
I'd like to sleep with Beyonce instead of my wife tonight,

#140
but that ain't happening either.

#141
but that ain't happening either.

#142
I'll think about it.

#143
I'll think about it.

#144
My appendectomy patient wants me to use hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.

#145
My appendectomy patient wants me to use hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.

#146
I'd like to throw in Gwen Stefani instead of Jordan.

#147
That ain't gonna happen.

#148
That ain't gonna happen.

#149
- Dr Cox! - Dr Cox!

#150
- Dr Cox! - Dr Cox!

#151
No! Awful!

#152
Hypnosis is a powerful tool.

#153
It's helped with depression, weight loss, helped me quit smoking.

#154
It's helped with depression, weight loss, helped me quit smoking.

#155
Hypnosis is for birthday parties and bad Vegas lounges.

#156
Hypnosis is for birthday parties and bad Vegas lounges.

#157
You go tell your patient to let you do what you do best:

#158
You go tell your patient to let you do what you do best:

#159
Knock her out, start digging around inside

#160
Knock her out, start digging around inside

#161
- like a blind man looking for a nickel. - You should do it.

#162
- Knock her out and dig. - Do it.

#163
- Knock her out and dig. - Do it.

#164
- Dig. Dig. Dig. - Do it. Do it.

#165
OK. I'm gonna go with Dr Cox on this one.

#166
OK. I'm gonna go with Dr Cox on this one.

#167
That's a rookie move, and you hate to see it.

#168
That's a rookie move, and you hate to see it.

#169
You always side with the wife, even if she's got a case of the crazies.

#170
You always side with the wife, even if she's got a case of the crazies.

#171
Turk, we're gonna have kids soon. We're supposed to be a team.

#172
You occasionally have to listen to me and believe in my opinion.

#173
What if we have a daughter and she wants her ears pierced?

#174
What if we have a daughter and she wants her ears pierced?

#175
We're not having a daughter.

#176
We're not having a daughter.

#177
What if we have a son and he wants to take dance,

#178
though his friends play football?

#179
though his friends play football?

#180
He can dance if he wants to. He can leave his friends behind.

#181
He can dance if he wants to. He can leave his friends behind.

#182
# 'Cause his friends don't dance and if they don't dance

#183
# 'Cause his friends don't dance and if they don't dance

#184
# then they're no friends of mine

#185
# S- S-S-S, A-A-A-A, F-F-F-F-F, E-E-E-E-E

#186
# S- S-S-S, A-A-A-A, F-F-F-F-F, E-E-E-E-E

#187
I said, "What if our son wants to take dance class

#188
instead of football with his friends?" Turk ran off singing Safety Dance.

#189
instead of football with his friends?" Turk ran off singing Safety Dance.

#190
Didn't you learn your lesson the time you told him the commissar was in town?

#191
Didn't you learn your lesson the time you told him the commissar was in town?

#192
Didn't you learn your lesson the time you told him the commissar was in town?

#193
- Yeah. - Someone's leaving!

#194
We saw it first!

#195
We saw it first!

#196
Jordan, here's the plan: I'm gonna cram an entire evening's worth of drinking

#197
Jordan, here's the plan: I'm gonna cram an entire evening's worth of drinking

#198
into the next five minutes. Now, you just make sure not to engage them.

#199
into the next five minutes. Now, you just make sure not to engage them.

#200
Be particularly aware of the blonde talky one.

#201
I've worked with her before. She has no off button.

#202
I've worked with her before. She has no off button.

#203
If money is tight, have Jake move in with you.

#204
If money is tight, have Jake move in with you.

#205
- Who's Jake? - Jordan!

#206
No!

#207
No!

#208
He's this guy I've been going out with.

#209
We're not ready to move in. He's a little closed-off.

#210
We're not ready to move in. He's a little closed-off.

#211
Sweetie, are you aware of who I live with?

#212
Sweetie, are you aware of who I live with?

#213
Jordan Godzilla Sullivan! You stop that, and you stop it now!

#214
Jordan Godzilla Sullivan! You stop that, and you stop it now!

#215
Why don't you try talking to humans for once? You might enjoy it.

#216
Why don't you try talking to humans for once? You might enjoy it.

#217
Elliot, maybe you should be the one to open Jake up.

#218
Elliot, maybe you should be the one to open Jake up.

#219
You know, like Turk can be a little...immature.

#220
You know, like Turk can be a little...immature.

#221
I have to talk about my feelings over dinner

#222
or shut off his iPod during sex. I bet you could do the same thing with Jake.

#223
or shut off his iPod during sex. I bet you could do the same thing with Jake.

#224
Or maybe you could pressure him, get dumped, throw on 50 pounds,

#225
Or maybe you could pressure him, get dumped, throw on 50 pounds,

#226
start collecting knickknacks and meet your future now.

#227
start collecting knickknacks and meet your future now.

#228
You know, before the loneliness burns too much?

#229
You know, before the loneliness burns too much?

#230
(laughs)

#231
(laughs)

#232
Gosh, I did enjoy that!

#233
You haven't done anything on this list. Never slept naked on a hammock?

#234
You haven't done anything on this list. Never slept naked on a hammock?

#235
I'm afraid of dragonflies. I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this.

#236
I'm afraid of dragonflies. I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this.

#237
Neither one of us has made headway.

#238
Don't lump me in with you. I'm a surgeon, I'm married,

#239
Don't lump me in with you. I'm a surgeon, I'm married,

#240
I've had sex while playing Frogger, I'm gonna be a dad.

#241
I've had sex while playing Frogger, I'm gonna be a dad.

#242
I'm moving through my list.

#243
I've done nothing. I learned another language,

#244
I've done nothing. I learned another language,

#245
but it was that one where you put a "b" in every word.

#246
but it was that one where you put a "b" in every word.

#247
- I was never fluent. - That secret language was so lame.

#248
Nobba with the ladie-bb-ys!

#249
Nobba with the ladie-bb-ys!

#250
Dr Kelso! Have any idea who's gonna get those three attending spots next year?

#251
Dr Kelso! Have any idea who's gonna get those three attending spots next year?

#252
There are four spots for next year.

#253
There are four spots for next year.

#254
Three, not counting one going to me!

#255
I'm gonna stick with four.

#256
I'm gonna stick with four.

#257
See, there are numerous skilled surgeons here at Sacred Fart...

#258
See, there are numerous skilled surgeons here at Sacred Fart...

#259
(laughs) Did you see the sign?

#260
(laughs) Did you see the sign?

#261
Though there will be no vandalism here, people!

#262
Though there will be no vandalism here, people!

#263
It was classic.

#264
Anyway, the key is doing something to get noticed.

#265
Anyway, the key is doing something to get noticed.

#266
I don't know if you know, but I'm doing an appendectomy

#267
I don't know if you know, but I'm doing an appendectomy

#268
using hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.

#269
using hypnosis instead of anaesthesia.

#270
Well, it's about time.

#271
Hell's bells, son, when I say the name Turkleton, people laugh.

#272
Hell's bells, son, when I say the name Turkleton, people laugh.

#273
Maybe because that's not my name.

#274
Maybe because that's not my name.

#275
Not yet, Turkleton. Not yet.

#276
Elliot, I don't think I understand what you want.

#277
Elliot, I don't think I understand what you want.

#278
I just want you to open up, you know, emotionally, spiritually.

#279
I just want you to open up, you know, emotionally, spiritually.

#280
I'm not exactly religious, you know,

#281
I'm not exactly religious, you know,

#282
but I do think that God watches after my family and,

#283
but I do think that God watches after my family and,

#284
well, my favourite sports teams.

#285
Tenth grade, He made Jennifer Martin sleep with me.

#286
Tenth grade, He made Jennifer Martin sleep with me.

#287
OK. How about opening up sexually?

#288
OK. How about opening up sexually?

#289
What's your wildest fantasy?

#290
- Yeah, it's not happening. - Come on!

#291
- Yeah, it's not happening. - Come on!

#292
In bed, I feel like I'm the only one screamin'!

#293
In bed, I feel like I'm the only one screamin'!

#294
You're quiet as a mouse. The screaming is in your head.

#295
Yeah, but in there, it's crazy.

#296
Yeah, but in there, it's crazy.

#297
Fine, why don't you tell me your wildest fantasy.

#298
Fine, why don't you tell me your wildest fantasy.

#299
OK, fine.

#300
OK, fine.

#301
You're a Mexican apple thief, I run the cider house.

#302
I catch you behind the stone mill, you chase me into the tasting room...

#303
I catch you behind the stone mill, you chase me into the tasting room...

#304
If there's a crow in there, fine, if not, I can live with it.

#305
If there's a crow in there, fine, if not, I can live with it.

#306
We're alone, you don't speak a word of English,

#307
We're alone, you don't speak a word of English,

#308
but you teach me more about hard cider than I learned from my fermenting exams.

#309
but you teach me more about hard cider than I learned from my fermenting exams.

#310
And our passion is so loud that they can hear it all the way in the distillery.

#311
And our passion is so loud that they can hear it all the way in the distillery.

#312
Oh, God, I can be such an apple slut.

#313
Oh, God, I can be such an apple slut.

#314
OK.

#315
When did we lose Mr Heath?

#316
When did we lose Mr Heath?

#317
Oh, we didn't. His vitals are fine.

#318
Doug, I told you to stop pre-tagging patients.

#319
Doug, I told you to stop pre-tagging patients.

#320
A slow day in my morgue. Nothing's written in stone.

#321
A slow day in my morgue. Nothing's written in stone.

#322
- You wrote a time of death! - I wrote "one-ish."

#323
- You wrote a time of death! - I wrote "one-ish."

#324
- Get outta here! - Why are you so pissy?

#325
- Get outta here! - Why are you so pissy?

#326
Carla, at 6:41 tomorrow evening, I turn 30.

#327
Carla, at 6:41 tomorrow evening, I turn 30.

#328
I have to find one thing on this list I can do by then.

#329
Swing by our parts department and pick up a pair of testes.

#330
Swing by our parts department and pick up a pair of testes.

#331
Haven't you used that joke a trillion times?

#332
Haven't you used that joke a trillion times?

#333
I'm OK with it.

#334
"Invent a cereal"? "Complete a triathlon"?

#335
"Invent a cereal"? "Complete a triathlon"?

#336
There's a triathlon tomorrow.

#337
Thing One and Thing Two have been training for it.

#338
Thing One and Thing Two have been training for it.

#339
We're working on our drafting technique.

#340
We're working on our drafting technique.

#341
If your goal is to repel all women, it's definitely working.

#342
If your goal is to repel all women, it's definitely working.

#343
Ignoring him... And switch.

#344
Ignoring him... And switch.

#345
I'll do the triathlon!

#346
You don't know about triathlons.

#347
You don't know about triathlons.

#348
I didn't know anything about cereal inventing, either.

#349
If it wasn't for a cease and desist letter,

#350
we'd be eating J.D.'s Bananas & Nuts.

#351
we'd be eating J.D.'s Bananas & Nuts.

#352
You're not serious about this, are you?

#353
- Why is everybody wearing wetsuits? - The water's like 49 degrees.

#354
- Why is everybody wearing wetsuits? - The water's like 49 degrees.

#355
So, what's your best time, buster?

#356
Honestly, Ted, it doesn't really matter, as long as I finish by 6:41 tonight.

#357
Honestly, Ted, it doesn't really matter, as long as I finish by 6:41 tonight.

#358
The harder you push yourself to do something, the harder it is to back out.

#359
The harder you push yourself to do something, the harder it is to back out.

#360
Whether you're caught in a lie with your wife...

#361
Whether you're caught in a lie with your wife...

#362
I heard you were doing the hypnosis surgery. You actually listened to me!

#363
I heard you were doing the hypnosis surgery. You actually listened to me!

#364
Hell, yeah, I listened to you. Baby, come on!

#365
Hell, yeah, I listened to you. Baby, come on!

#366
That's the reason I'm doing it. 'Cause of you and how well I listen.

#367
That's the reason I'm doing it. 'Cause of you and how well I listen.

#368
- I love you. - I love you.

#369
..or you're trying to get your boyfriend to open up.

#370
..or you're trying to get your boyfriend to open up.

#371
Come on! Come in and show me what you really like.

#372
Come on! Come in and show me what you really like.

#373
No one is gonna judge you.

#374
Oh, my God, Jake!

#375
- You wanna talk about it? - Nope!

#376
- You wanna talk about it? - Nope!

#377
And sometimes, the only thing you can do is just dive in.

#378
And sometimes, the only thing you can do is just dive in.

#379
Oh, Jehovah, that's cold!

#380
Oh, Jehovah, that's cold!

#381
Oh, God, ah!

#382
There's a little. Here's some more.

#383
All right, ease it in. Ease it in.

#384
As I sidestroked through the salty waters of the great Pacific...

#385
Pick an apple, put it in your pocket.

#386
Pick an apple, put it in your pocket.

#387
..I wondered if everyone was doing as well as I was.

#388
..I wondered if everyone was doing as well as I was.

#389
Why are these cameras here?

#390
Why are these cameras here?

#391
Turkleton, this is quite the event here at Sacred Fart.

#392
(Laughs)

#393
(Laughs)

#394
I can't help it, it kills me.

#395
Yeah, we got visiting doctors, video crews, even that Japanese news anchor

#396
Yeah, we got visiting doctors, video crews, even that Japanese news anchor

#397
who slept with me when I convinced her I was an oil tycoon.

#398
who slept with me when I convinced her I was an oil tycoon.

#399
If she comes over here, my name is T-Bone!

#400
If she comes over here, my name is T-Bone!

#401
We're getting a good bit of interest from the seismologists at Caltech,

#402
We're getting a good bit of interest from the seismologists at Caltech,

#403
who I understand will be able to chart the magnitude of the scream

#404
who I understand will be able to chart the magnitude of the scream

#405
emanating from your hypnosis patient, as well as, of course,

#406
emanating from your hypnosis patient, as well as, of course,

#407
the numerous after-screams that are sure to follow.

#408
the numerous after-screams that are sure to follow.

#409
No interviews!

#410
Turk. Turk, where are you going?

#411
I can't do this. I don't believe in this hypnotism crap.

#412
I can't do this. I don't believe in this hypnotism crap.

#413
- I only needed to impress Kelso. - Great, you lied to me.

#414
- I only needed to impress Kelso. - Great, you lied to me.

#415
I'm about to ruin my career by plunging a knife into a conscious person.

#416
I'm about to ruin my career by plunging a knife into a conscious person.

#417
But you know what, you're absolutely right, let's focus on the lying.

#418
But you know what, you're absolutely right, let's focus on the lying.

#419
As I reached the biking stage and finally realised what chafing was,

#420
As I reached the biking stage and finally realised what chafing was,

#421
I got a surprise visitor.

#422
(rings bell) How's it goin'?

#423
My bike is rusty,

#424
I haven't been able to feel my genitals since they touched water,

#425
I haven't been able to feel my genitals since they touched water,

#426
the only thing I've had to eat is a half a jellyfish.

#427
the only thing I've had to eat is a half a jellyfish.

#428
- Why are you here? - Can I talk about Jake?

#429
- Why are you here? - Can I talk about Jake?

#430
Talk to Carla.

#431
Anytime I talk to Carla about a guy, she tells me to marry him so the four of us can go to dinner.

#432
Anytime I talk to Carla about a guy, she tells me to marry him so the four of us can go to dinner.

#433
I've been dating this guy. I found out that he went on a gay cruise.

#434
I've been dating this guy. I found out that he went on a gay cruise.

#435
A trick. Marry him, the four of us'll have dinner.

#436
A trick. Marry him, the four of us'll have dinner.

#437
- He said he might be gay! - Dinner!

#438
Talking about Jake violates the most important tenants of our relationship.

#439
Talking about Jake violates the most important tenants of our relationship.

#440
One, keep discussion superficial.

#441
One, keep discussion superficial.

#442
And two, no talking while my boys are straddling chrome.

#443
And two, no talking while my boys are straddling chrome.

#444
- That one's new. - Why don't you try a higher gear?

#445
- That one's new. - Why don't you try a higher gear?

#446
- It's like pedalling in hummus! - See ya, buddy!

#447
- It's like pedalling in hummus! - See ya, buddy!

#448
Oh, thank God!

#449
Oh, thank God!

#450
I think the bike part's finally over. Oh, no!

#451
I think the bike part's finally over. Oh, no!

#452
I can play with signs too!

#453
I can play with signs too!

#454
This is great. I'm being assisted by a magician.

#455
This is great. I'm being assisted by a magician.

#456
The only way you're gonna get through this is if you believe it's gonna work.

#457
The only way you're gonna get through this is if you believe it's gonna work.

#458
Ow!

#459
Ow!

#460
That was just a fingernail, honey!

#461
How would you like it if I cut out your appendix?

#462
How would you like it if I cut out your appendix?

#463
Forget for a second that hypnosis is used to lower bleeding,

#464
Forget for a second that hypnosis is used to lower bleeding,

#465
aid recovery, or help patients deal with pain. You are married.

#466
aid recovery, or help patients deal with pain. You are married.

#467
So start believing what I tell you to believe. And don't pinch me!

#468
So start believing what I tell you to believe. And don't pinch me!

#469
During the eight-mile run, dehydration set in.

#470
During the eight-mile run, dehydration set in.

#471
- Hang in there, buddy! - See you at the luau!

#472
- Hang in there, buddy! - See you at the luau!

#473
They already finished and cooked a pig?

#474
Hey, J.D.

#475
Hey, J.D.

#476
You're real. Although the dolphin costume's a little odd.

#477
You're real. Although the dolphin costume's a little odd.

#478
This Jake thing is still really bothering me.

#479
This Jake thing is still really bothering me.

#480
- You know our rules. - I've been thinking.

#481
Who wants to have a superficial friendship?

#482
Who wants to have a superficial friendship?

#483
Do you remember how close we used to be?

#484
Do you remember how close we used to be?

#485
Dealing with Dr Cox, our screwed-up families,

#486
talking about everything? I miss that.

#487
talking about everything? I miss that.

#488
- This is working. - Not for me.

#489
- This is working. - Not for me.

#490
I wanna be able to tell you my boyfriend freaked me out.

#491
Why don't you go talk to him?

#492
Why don't you go talk to him?

#493
I don't know! You tell me.

#494
I don't know! You tell me.

#495
Fine, Elliot. You wanna know why? You're just like me.

#496
Fine, Elliot. You wanna know why? You're just like me.

#497
You're scared. You feel you haven't accomplished anything.

#498
You're scared. You feel you haven't accomplished anything.

#499
Instead of running a triathlon,

#500
you're pushing forward with a guy you don't belong with.

#501
you're pushing forward with a guy you don't belong with.

#502
You know as well as I do, he's gonna open up a bottle of white wine for you

#503
You know as well as I do, he's gonna open up a bottle of white wine for you

#504
when you really prefer red, except you never told him that. Know why?

#505
when you really prefer red, except you never told him that. Know why?

#506
It's because he's not right for you, Elliot. Are you happy now?

#507
It's because he's not right for you, Elliot. Are you happy now?

#508
You're pretty smart for a guy running in bike shoes.

#509
You're pretty smart for a guy running in bike shoes.

#510
Must... finish... race.

#511
Must... finish... race.

#512
You can do this. You can do this.

#513
You can do this. You can do this.

#514
- What are you saying to her? - "You can do this. You can do this."

#515
- What are you saying to her? - "You can do this. You can do this."

#516
Small world. Scalpel.

#517
Small world. Scalpel.

#518
Making first incision.

#519
Making first incision.

#520
Well, here goes.

#521
Well, here goes.

#522
Hmmm?

#523
Hmmm?

#524
All right!

#525
Clamp, please!

#526
They say that, in life, all good things must come to an end.

#527
They say that, in life, all good things must come to an end.

#528
They say that, in life, all good things must come to an end.

#529
Sometimes it comes quietly.

#530
Sometimes it comes quietly.

#531
- I like red. - You do?

#532
Jake, I think we need to talk.

#533
Jake, I think we need to talk.

#534
- Sometimes, not so quietly. - You can do this.

#535
Oh-b no-b.

#536
(Screams) You can do this! You can do this!

#537
(Screams) You can do this! You can do this!

#538
You can do this! You can do this!

#539
And suddenly, you realise you've taken something as far as it can go.

#540
And suddenly, you realise you've taken something as far as it can go.

#541
And suddenly, you realise you've taken something as far as it can go.

#542
- What the hell was I thinking? - No, you did great, baby.

#543
- What the hell was I thinking? - No, you did great, baby.

#544
She's right, Turkleton. Hell, without anaesthesia,

#545
you made it halfway through. I bet you could publish that.

#546
you made it halfway through. I bet you could publish that.

#547
Maybe they'll put it in Almost Magazine.

#548
Maybe they'll put it in Almost Magazine.

#549
You know, it wouldn't hurt you to make some noise around here.

#550
You know, it wouldn't hurt you to make some noise around here.

#551
How's this? Blow it out your ass, Bob.

#552
How's this? Blow it out your ass, Bob.

#553
See? My baby made some noise.

#554
Yeah, I made some noise, all right.

#555
Yeah, I made some noise, all right.

#556
J.D., what you said before...

#557
I knew you were right. Anyway, I'm sorry I got mad.

#558
I knew you were right. Anyway, I'm sorry I got mad.

#559
(Mutters indistinctly)

#560
Thanks. You were wrong about one thing, though.

#561
Thanks. You were wrong about one thing, though.

#562
We are moving forward.

#563
We are moving forward.

#564
Elliot, I'm 30 years old, I'm single, I'm homeless

#565
Elliot, I'm 30 years old, I'm single, I'm homeless

#566
and I'm pretty sure I just soiled myself.

#567
Why don't you just move into my place?

#568
Why don't you just move into my place?

#569
Oh, great, then we'll be two losers under one roof.

#570
By my watch, you've got eight minutes to finish this thing. Come on.

#571
By my watch, you've got eight minutes to finish this thing. Come on.

#572
A wise man once said the human spirit can overcome any obstacle.

#573
A wise man once said the human spirit can overcome any obstacle.

#574
- I can't. - Come on!

#575
That man had obviously never run a triathlon.

#576
That man had obviously never run a triathlon.

#577
Come on.

#578
You're not really helping!

#579
You're not really helping!

#580
Are you sure this is the finish line?

#581
Are you sure this is the finish line?

#582
I think I see him.

#583
As for me, I could overcome any obstacle,

#584
as long as I had Elliot and her ridiculously strong thighs beneath me.

#585
as long as I had Elliot and her ridiculously strong thighs beneath me.

#586
Woohoo! We made it!

#587
Woohoo! We made it!

#588
And with... and with two minutes to spare!

#589
And with... and with two minutes to spare!

#590
Whoa!

#591
(Both laugh)

#592
(Both laugh)

#593
Baby, I'm not carrying 'em to the car.

#594
Baby, I'm not carrying 'em to the car.

#595
Promise to help me get through my thirtieth?

#596
Promise to help me get through my thirtieth?

#597
Mm-hm. Will you tell me what Jake's fantasy was?

#598
Mm-hm. Will you tell me what Jake's fantasy was?

#599
- Nope. - It involve chains?

#600
- No. - Whips?

#601
- No. - Whips?

#602
- Candle wax? - No.

#603
- Role playing? Lasers? - No.

#604
- Hamsters? - Negative.

#605
- Hamsters? - Negative.

#606
- Was he a Mexican apple thief? - (Sighs) If only.

#607
- Was he a Mexican apple thief? - (Sighs) If only.

#608
Captioned by Access Innovation Media www.ai-media.tv

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