Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S17E07 — The Gang Gets Ready for Primetime

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 17, Episode 7 — The Gang Gets Ready for Primetime

#1
[cheering, applause]

#2
Coming up next week on The Golden Bachelor...

#3
[with mouth full] I'm really excited to get back to Philly for my hometown visit.

#4
I run a bar with my kids and my kids' friends.

#5
And my roommate, who is also one of my kids' friends,

#6
who we thought was my kid. [chuckles]

#7
But we chucked his real dad off a cliff. He was already soup by that point.

#8
Anyway... [chomping] ...I want us all to have a nice dinner, get to know each other.

#9
It's gonna be a really classy affair.

#10
Mmm.

#11
[sighs]

#12
We look forward to it.

#13
So join us next week as we travel to Philadelphia for Frank's hometown visit.

#14
Well... [sighs] ...you know what this means, guys.

#15
-What? -We gotta get our shit together.

#16
[♪ opening theme music plays]

#17
[♪ music stops]

#18
-[Dennis] All right. -I don't know. I don't get it.

#19
Like, why is he doing this?

#20
Oh, who knows? You know, fame, attention.

#21
Maybe he just wants to bang a bunch of old ladies. It doesn't matter

#22
'cause what does matter is how we come across when those cameras are rolling,

#23
right? I mean, this is prime time TV we're talking about.

#24
And we pop on something like this, all our hopes and dreams could come true.

#25
I mean, hell... [chuckles] ...we live in a country where reality television

#26
could be a pathway towards being the president.

#27
Yeah. But what's with the scripts?

#28
Oh. Yeah, so Frank said that he wanted to have a really classy dinner.

#29
And, you know, we've struggled with that a little bit in the past, admittedly.

#30
So I just jotted down some lines... [stammers]

#31
...some small talk for us to, you know, talk about over the dinner,

#32
so that we can stay away from some of the danger zones.

#33
I feel like this is gonna feel too scripted, you know?

#34
-Yeah, I mean... -Well, it is.

#35
Shouldn't it be a little bit more off the cuff?

#36
-No. -[Charlie] Yeah. Like...

#37
Like, the other day I was walking down by City Hall,

#38
and I noticed this coyote was following me.

#39
-Really? -Right down Market Street,

#40
-in broad daylight. -In Market Street?

#41
So I turned to this coyote. I got on my haunches,

#42
'cause you gotta get down on your haunches.

#43
You gotta meet them where they are. And I'm like, "Why are you following me?"

#44
-Yeah! -[Mac] I said, "Back off,

#45
or I will stick my thumbs into your eyes." Which I've said to you before.

#46
No, I don't think we should be regaling audiences with tales of animal abuse.

#47
-It was following him. -We're not.

#48
-I was the hunted, he was the hunter. -Okay. Well--

#49
Dennis. Dennis. How come I don't have any lines?

#50
You do.

#51
"Hi, I'm Dee. Frank is a great dad." That's it.

#52
-It's all you need. -No. It's not... It doesn't pop.

#53
How am I supposed to pop with this? No, I need to be slinging zingers.

#54
You guys, I have a new one about a Chinese guy and his optometrist--

#55
Oh, God. No. Dee, stop doing that. No race jokes, no edge.

#56
-You know, actually, no comedy at all. -What?

#57
Well, we've moved past comedy as a society.

#58
We don't want it anymore, we've decided.

#59
You know, it makes us think too much about, you know, our current condition.

#60
And then, really, we don't want to think about ourselves

#61
because it makes us feel bad about ourselves.

#62
-It's confusing. -So we project onto the people

#63
that are making us think, and we cancel 'em.

#64
-[Dee] We get mad. -I'm with Dennis.

#65
-Go woke, go broke. Right, Dennis? -Yeah, for sure, man.

#66
No. Uh, well, no. That's the opposite of what I'm saying.

#67
It sounds like what you're saying.

#68
That's pretty much what you're saying.

#69
It's not. No. She said--

#70
-We're already broke. -Yeah.

#71
No, what I'm saying is if we go woke...

#72
-We'll go broke? -[stutters] ...we pop.

#73
I want to know what all these, uh, creams and bottles are.

#74
-These-- What are we doing? -Ah. Yes. Um, glad you asked, Charlie.

#75
Um, those are various shampoos and tanning creams.

#76
And, uh, yeah, got some Nair hair removal in there, for any unsightly hairs.

#77
What, me?

#78
-Probably. -Well, sure. Yeah, you.

#79
Uh, but, you know, all of you.

#80
-Here's an idea, actually. -[Dee] No, not me.

#81
What if instead of getting all clean, I get more dirty.

#82
And then Frank's like, "Oh, my God, he's dirty.

#83
I'm concerned about him," you know?

#84
You guys just aren't getting it, okay?

#85
You're not getting it. All right, this is bigger than just looking good, okay?

#86
The most important thing here is to not look bad.

#87
Hollywood actually has a system for this already in place.

#88
It's called the testing process. They get together. Focus group,

#89
and they... Well, actually, we did a focus group for the last Thunder Gun movie,

#90
-if you guys recall. -Oh, yeah, yeah.

#91
And they score us on a scale of one to one hundred.

#92
Then we just keep refining the dinner over and over again,

#93
until finally we land on the most perfect versions of ourselves

#94
that will appeal to the widest possible audience and offend no one.

#95
That is how you make great art.

#96
[♪ jovial music]

#97
Okay. Thank you all for coming.

#98
Uh, so some of you have done these before, for movies.

#99
And for some of you, I know it's your first time.

#100
But, in a bit of an unorthodox move,

#101
we will be watching a live performance today,

#102
in preparation for the show The Golden Bachelor.

#103
[murmuring]

#104
Okay, so let's begin the, uh... [sighs] The show.

#105
[Dennis] Um...

#106
-[whispers] Tell 'em not to clap. -Excuse me?

#107
[whispers] Well, it's, you know, it's not a play. So, they shouldn't clap or,

#108
you know, laugh out loud or groan or anything like that.

#109
[Dee] No. How are we supposed to know what they think is funny? Let 'em laugh.

#110
Okay. They can laugh, but, you know, no claps.

#111
[Mac] I think we should keep the claps so we know what they love.

#112
[Dennis] Oh, God. Jesus Christ. Dude, you really overdid it on the tanner.

#113
-[Mac] Well, it's a farmer's tan. -You're not a farmer.

#114
[Mac] But my guy is.

#115
Your guy? [stammers] What guy?

#116
You know what? Just start.

#117
Right. Uh... So, let's begin.

#118
Okay.

#119
Well, here we are.

#120
Mmm.

#121
Sure can't wait to see Frank.

#122
I can't wait to meet the lucky lady.

#123
If Frank likes her, I'll like her.

#124
So, where are they?

#125
Well, our lovable old pal Charlie is on his way over with them right now.

#126
[knocks on door]

#127
-Oh. Speak of the devil. -Huh. [chuckles]

#128
Here they are. Come on in, guys. It's open.

#129
-[attendees murmur] -He's so bald.

#130
Hello, everybody.

#131
Frank, Frank's date, come on in.

#132
[attendees laugh]

#133
Thanks, Charlie. I'm starving.

#134
Um, me too. Because I'm a slut who likes to shove things in her mouth.

#135
[Dee] Oh.

#136
Right.

#137
-[Dee chuckles] -[Charlie] So... Whoo!

#138
What a day.

#139
You guys will not believe what happened to me. [chuckles]

#140
Okay. Well, I'm sure it's a very interesting story.

#141
But we don't want to hear it, because we're here to talk to Frank.

#142
I wanna hear Charlie's story because he looks crazy.

#143
No, no, no, no. You don't want to hear his story,

#144
because you were gonna tell us more about yourself.

#145
-What happened to you? -[screams] You were gonna tell us more...

#146
-Yes. -[normal] You were gonna tell us

#147
-more about yourself. -I'm Mac. Uh, I love Jesus,

#148
and therefore am not gay.

#149
-What? -I am a farmer, and I plow the fields.

#150
And that's why I have this farmer's tan, which plays in the fly-over states.

#151
-That's good. -And I live with Dennis in a friendship,

#152
man-to-man, nongay role.

#153
-Oh, okay. Yeah. Let's not... -Right, Dennis?

#154
The more he tries to hammer it home, the more it sounds like we do do it.

#155
-There is no gay here. -It's irrelevant. He's gay, I'm straight.

#156
-They just live together. -Yeah. Which is totally normal

#157
-for two middle-aged men. -Right.

#158
-They like when I'm funny. -Don't refer to them.

#159
They like when I'm funny.

#160
-Did you notice that? -No.

#161
Hey, you guys wanna hear the one about the Chinaman's doctor?

#162
-[Dee] No, no. Hang on. -They don't.

#163
That is so racist.

#164
I yelled at a coyote the other day. Would anyone like to see a reenactment?

#165
[attendees cheering, applauding]

#166
[Mac] Yeah?

#167
-This is a good story. -Yeah. It came at me, and I was like--

#168
-[Charlie] Tell 'em what you said. -I was so super cool.

#169
I was like, "Later, bro."

#170
[Charlie] No, you screamed at it.

#171
Well, this was a goddamn nightmare. I mean, Charlie, what happened, dude?

#172
I confused the shampoo with the Nair hair removal.

#173
And then, you know, it came off.

#174
Jesus Christ, man. And, Mac, why are you back in the closet?

#175
I wanted to appeal to the fly-over states.

#176
Go woke, go broke. That's what you always say.

#177
I don't say that, you say that, all right?

#178
And people were confused, all right? They think we're a couple.

#179
Oh. Okay. Well, maybe America is ready for us.

#180
There is no us. Mac, stop trying to groom me, okay?

#181
And please stop saying, "Go woke, go broke."

#182
What'd we get? What was our score?

#183
-Twenty-two. -Out of what?

#184
Out of a goddamn 100!

#185
-Oh, is that low? -Yeah... That's very low.

#186
[stammers] This is exactly what I was talking about.

#187
-That's why I had a script. -[all sigh]

#188
That being said, you know, some of these comments are a little bit confusing.

#189
I mean, like, they didn't like when I said, "Speak of the devil."

#190
I didn't like that either. You know, you shouldn't speak of Satan.

#191
-And you said, "speak of the devil." -He was speaking of the devil.

#192
-I heard that too. -It's a figure of speech.

#193
-Mmm. You were speaking of Satan. -Yeah.

#194
America doesn't like that, and I don't like that.

#195
-[Dee] I don't like to represent-- -I was speaking of the person--

#196
So who tested the highest?

#197
Well... [sighs] Mac and Dee tested the highest, which is crazy.

#198
-[Dee] Oh! -Oh, yeah!

#199
-Well, well done. -I didn't say you tested high.

#200
I said you tested the highest, you know.

#201
Unbelievably, they thought Dee was funny, except for the goddamn Chinaman comment.

#202
Which was completely inappropriate, bitch.

#203
Listen, I can take a note. I'll go woke and I'll switch to clean comedy.

#204
How about no comedy at all, okay? That's what's woke.

#205
I mean, awaken to the fact that you're just not funny.

#206
-Hmm. -Nah.

#207
-Dennis, what'd they like about me? -Yeah.

#208
This one wanted to hear more about your bad boy tendencies?

#209
-These have to be a mistake. -I am a bad boy.

#210
Yeah. So you're gonna stick with the straight thing?

#211
-I don't know. We'll see. -It's working for you.

#212
-What'd they think about me? -Well, they thought you had cancer.

#213
Why?

#214
-Because you do look like you have cancer. -[Dee] Mmm.

#215
And they were confused about the volleyballs.

#216
I mean, they didn't know what that was.

#217
That's crazy. What else confused them?

#218
Goddamn everything! I mean,

#219
they were very confused about mine and Mac's living arrangement for some reason.

#220
Hey, uh, quick question. Who scored the lowest?

#221
Oh.

#222
Uh... [sighs]

#223
-That's just completely unclear. -Can I see that?

#224
-Just for a second. -[Dennis] You know... No.

#225
You're not gonna get any information from it, Dee.

#226
-It was Dennis. -It was Dennis?

#227
Yeah, of course it was. Yeah. They thought he was bossy and he looked old.

#228
I mean, somebody has to be the boss, right?

#229
-Of dinner? -"Why was the old man so bossy?

#230
He looked haggard."

#231
No, no, no. You're... Now you're making stuff up.

#232
"His features were so sunken,

#233
it was hard to concentrate on the story."

#234
Old? Haggard? No, these are... [stammers]

#235
No. That was a lighting thing.

#236
I gave you guys the best lighting because I knew I looked the best,

#237
and I wanted you guys to look good too. And I wanted them to...

#238
They... No. Old? Come on. That's completely insane.

#239
[breathes heavily]

#240
Get your shit together!

#241
[♪ jovial music]

#242
Okay. Thank you all for coming. Uh...

#243
Most of you are new, and I think some of you may have been at the last show.

#244
I guess you wanted to see this again. That's... That's good, I suppose.

#245
Uh, well, for those of you who are new...

#246
[Mac chuckles] Ooh.

#247
Great crowd out there.

#248
-What are you wearing? -Oh.

#249
I'm going for the bad guy in Commando look.

#250
You know, like, "Who's straighter than that?"

#251
Dude, you look like Freddie Mercury.

#252
Oh, cool. He's like the straightest man alive.

#253
He couldn't have been more gay. I mean, he was in a band called Queen.

#254
You know what? If you want to look straight, go grab the duster or something.

#255
-What's with the face tape? -This? Well, it's just, you know...

#256
It's a way to kind of tighten the skin up a little bit.

#257
Give me a more youthful appearance. You know what I mean?

#258
Okay.

#259
-What is this? -[sighs]

#260
It's just a clean comedy look. It's classic.

#261
-[squeaks] -[stammers]

#262
[stammers] Can we not, okay? I mean, a rubber chicken?

#263
-Are you ser-- -Yeah. Come on.

#264
-Is this tape coming off? Goddamn it. -You got tape on your face?

#265
-Yeah, and it's not sticking very well. -I think you need more.

#266
You think I need more of it?

#267
Well, yeah. You said you wanted to look youthful, yeah?

#268
Yeah. I don't want to look crazy. Maybe I'll just tighten it up a little bit.

#269
-Yeah. -A little bit. Yeah.

#270
-Yeah. Okay. All right. -Yeah.

#271
So, without further ado, let's begin.

#272
Oh.

#273
Stop.

#274
-[toy squeaks] -Oh!

#275
Uh-oh.

#276
Well. [sighs] Here we are. Uh... I sure am excited to see Frank.

#277
Oh, gosh. I can't wait to meet the lucky lady.

#278
Yeah. Frank likes her, I'll like her.

#279
-Okay. -Yeah. I wonder where they are.

#280
Oh, well, our lovable old pal Charlie's on his way over with them right now.

#281
[knocks on door]

#282
-Oh. [chuckles] -Look at that.

#283
Speak of the... [stammers] Speak of the guy.

#284
Mm-hmm.

#285
Here they are. Oh, it's open.

#286
Hello, everybody.

#287
Say hello to Frank and Frank's date.

#288
Heya, gang.

#289
-I'm getting paid for this, right? -Yeah, yeah.

#290
Well, come on in. Hey, Charlie. How you doin', man?

#291
Not sure why you're doing that accent, you know? [cackles]

#292
Pretty confusing, you know. I must not have heard you correctly,

#293
because you are from right here in Philadelphia.

#294
-No, that's not true actually. -It is.

#295
No, I'm from Eastern European territory.

#296
-Uh... So, what's for dinner? -[Dennis sighs]

#297
-Beet soup, I hope. -[attendees laugh]

#298
-Stop it. -What are you doing?

#299
I'm just talking in my natural European way.

#300
I like it, because white people doing funny accents is not woke.

#301
I thought we were doing woke.

#302
Shut up!

#303
[attendees booing]

#304
[whispering]

#305
Sorry about that.

#306
So, Frank and Frank's date, I'm Dennis.

#307
Um... I live here with Mac in a totally age-appropriate and platonic relationship.

#308
But like you, Frank, I hope to meet my special someone someday.

#309
Meh.

#310
Yeah. [smacks lips]

#311
[attendees laughing]

#312
-Where the hell did that come from? -Oh.

#313
[cheering, applauding]

#314
Oh, okay. It was funny. It was funny.

#315
When I'm not palling around with Dennis platonically in the bedroom,

#316
I like to strap on my leathers and perform badass stunts.

#317
Would anyone like to see a backflip?

#318
[chuckles] Okay. Well, hey now, let's not encourage him.

#319
He can't actually do one.

#320
-[Charlie] He can't. -Right? No, he can't.

#321
[attendees laughing]

#322
So, guys, guess how much me and this broad banged boots?

#323
Tell 'em, honey.

#324
-[Dee] What are you doing? -Do I have a line?

#325
-No. -I didn't get a script.

#326
No. Artemis, can you stick to the script?

#327
The script's a little thin, so I'm trying to just ad-lib.

#328
[♪ "Warrior" playing]

#329
What are you doing?

#330
I'm doing a goddamn backflip.

#331
You can't stop me.

#332
Because the power of Christ compels me.

#333
-Badass. -Stop.

#334
[all scream]

#335
Oh, no. Oh.

#336
Seventy-five. Am I reading that right?

#337
-Yeah. That's a big improvement. -Wow. We did great.

#338
It was a goddamn circus. What are you guys talking about?

#339
No... [stammers] Charlie, why did you do an accent?

#340
Well, dude, I look weird. I don't feel like myself.

#341
So I figured I'd be someone different.

#342
Like that funny cousin in Perfect Strangers? Remember that guy?

#343
-Yes. -Yeah. No, I like you doing a character,

#344
but don't make it funny. I got the jokes covered.

#345
-Oh. Do you, Dee? -[Dee] I'm the funny...

#346
Do you? Because this card says,

#347
"The one in the plaid suit seemed sad and desperate.

#348
And I was only laughing because I was so uncomfortable."

#349
Oh, yeah? You know what this one says?

#350
-What? -"What's with the angry man

#351
with the old face who's constantly yelling at his boyfriend?"

#352
I could not have made it more clear that he's not my boyfriend!

#353
-You kept saying it over and over. -Oh, my God.

#354
And how could I possibly look old? I mean, no.

#355
Who scored the highest?

#356
I think you did.

#357
Oh, yeah? Let me see.

#358
"I love when the vampire slayer busted out the crucifix on his old vampire lover."

#359
-Me? "Old vampire lover"? -[Mac laughing]

#360
Let's lean into that. Yeah, I can be like a vanilla Blade,

#361
and I could stab you in the heart with the crucifix and be...

#362
-Stop! Goddamn it. -And then you kiss...

#363
For the love of God, stop.

#364
Okay, all right. You know what?

#365
[clicks tongue] You two will limit your exchanges

#366
to "hello," "yes" and "no." And that's it.

#367
And the rest of you will refrain from doing accents or personas of any kind.

#368
I will do all the costumes, hair and makeup.

#369
And there will be no other surprises at all.

#370
And so help me God, we will get this right!

#371
[♪ jovial music]

#372
I mean, I get a vampire vibe off that, right?

#373
-Do you not? -[shushes] We're gonna get slashed.

#374
Yeah, like a Count Dracula thing.

#375
[♪ jovial music]

#376
Okay. Thank you all for coming.

#377
I see mostly familiar faces, so welcome back.

#378
That crowd is amped.

#379
-Yeah, well... -Oh, yeah?

#380
...too bad Dennis cut everything they liked.

#381
Come on, Dee. No, trust me. Trust me. Guys, this is exactly what America wants.

#382
Didn't it start, like, here, and then go up and over? Like it would...

#383
No, no. I mean, you're not a werewolf.

#384
I'm thinking of Teen Wolf, aren't I?

#385
-I think so. Yeah. -I'm just blown away, man.

#386
I just, like, don't know how you got the wig that good, you know?

#387
Like, do you wear a wig? This is crazy, dude.

#388
[wheezing] Do I wear a wig? No. Nonsense.

#389
-For real, though. Do you? -Stop!

#390
Dude. All right, fine, man. I'm just thinking, it's so good, man.

#391
-Just... -All right, the show's gonna start.

#392
Do you have time to do yourself, and then we'll get going?

#393
What do you mean? I did do me.

#394
-Oh, you're all done? -Yeah, I put the... Do I need more tape?

#395
Uh... Well...

#396
Oh. [chuckles]

#397
-We should bow. We should bow. -Absolutely.

#398
-No, don't bow. Don't bow. -But they're clapping so much.

#399
I know. Don't, like... Don't even notice that they're there.

#400
[attendees groan]

#401
-You take my chicken? -Mm-hmm.

#402
Mac. I bet you have a boom box under that table, don't you?

#403
-Nope. -Yeah, you do. Let me see it.

#404
-I don't have one. -Let me see it.

#405
-You better do it, dude. -[Dee] Just do it.

#406
[sighs] I was... I was gonna play a cool song.

#407
-Let's see what you were gonna play. -It was fun and cool.

#408
-Kid Rock. How fun. -Bawitdaba--

#409
But we're not doing that. This is gonna be a classy evening,

#410
so I came prepared with something a little different.

#411
[♪ classical music]

#412
Oh.

#413
There we go. [sighs] Isn't that nice?

#414
-I guess. -Yeah.

#415
Well, here we are. I'm so excited to see Frank. [chuckles]

#416
Yeah. Uh... I can't wait to meet the lucky lady.

#417
Mmm.

#418
-If Frank likes her, I'll like her. -Yeah.

#419
So where are they?

#420
[knocks on door]

#421
Oh. Here they are. Speak of... It's open.

#422
Well, hello. Hey, guys.

#423
Welcome. Come on in.

#424
Yeah, close the door. Yeah. Good.

#425
-Like we rehearsed. -[Artemis] Hello.

#426
[Dee] Hello.

#427
Wonderful. Well, I'm Dennis.

#428
And, uh, this is my apartment. I live here with my friend, Mac.

#429
My longtime friend. But not eternal, you know.

#430
'Cause we're not vampires. [chuckles] Obviously. [cackles]

#431
That... That'd be crazy. Um...

#432
But, yeah. Soon to have our own places.

#433
Uh, but not because we're poor. Uh, but because we're economically savvy.

#434
-And... But still quite young. -[glass clinks]

#435
[sighs]

#436
Oh, Dee, you-you were saying?

#437
Hi, I'm Dee. Frank was a great father.

#438
No.

#439
You got a great sense of humor, Frank. No.

#440
Hey, Charlie. You had a--

#441
Oh. Uh...

#442
Shoot, do I have a line?

#443
No, you were just gonna say something off the cuff, I think.

#444
Uh, I don't remember what it... I'll make something up. Um...

#445
Hey, Frank's date. Where are you from?

#446
Uh...

#447
Hello, hello.

#448
-Yes. Hello, hi. Hi, hello. Yeah, hi! -Hello.

#449
-Hi! -Hi! Hello!

#450
What is this?

#451
It's, uh--

#452
Well, you don't talk. I mean, what are you doing, man?

#453
The audience never talks to the cast of the show.

#454
Perhaps a flip to lighten the mood?

#455
-Yeah. -Yes.

#456
No, no, no, no, no. You're not gonna do a flip.

#457
Because it doesn't make sense to do a flip in the middle of a dinner for no reason.

#458
-Let your boyfriend flip. -[attendees cheer] Yeah!

#459
-He's not my boyfriend! -I'm with this guy. Let him flip.

#460
What are you doing?

#461
-Stop it. -And add one flip. You know what I mean?

#462
-Let him do just one flip. -All right, I'll do one. A quick accent.

#463
No, you're not listening! You don't understand!

#464
[sighs]

#465
You're not getting this.

#466
We are not lovers.

#467
We're simply roommates, you see.

#468
It's not so difficult to understand. Not so difficult at all.

#469
Two men entwined only by the walls that house us and the passage of time.

#470
That is all. Nothing more.

#471
We are all classy men and women alike. [chuckles]

#472
But none more classy than me. Refined and dignified

#473
and not the least bit abnormal in any way.

#474
[inhales sharply] I need you to see this.

#475
Yes?

#476
All is well and palatable and good. [chuckles]

#477
You must know this

#478
and you must reflect it as such on the cards that you've been given.

#479
Do you understand? I need this of you.

#480
You must make it so.

#481
[exhales deeply]

#482
There was another show...

#483
by the name of Family Fight

#484
and I was not properly represented on that show

#485
and I cannot and will... [shakily] ...not abide another failure of that magnitude.

#486
[Dennis breathing shakily]

#487
[stammering]

#488
I just need you to see me as... [stammering] ...I am.

#489
I need this. I need this from you.

#490
I... [stuttering]

#491
I need this from you. Please.

#492
This is amazing.

#493
What the fuck's he doing?

#494
So that's why you've been so crazed? Because you panicked on Family Fight?

#495
Yes, dude. You don't understand the humiliation.

#496
I hope for your sake you never do.

#497
Dee, how'd we score this time?

#498
-[Dennis sighs] Oh. -Uh...

#499
-Three. -Three what?

#500
The number three out of a hundred.

#501
-That's it? -Yeah, they hated it.

#502
Dennis scared the shit out of 'em.

#503
Well, look, man, forget it. Like, can we just be us, okay?

#504
We're trying to please everybody and, like, that never works, man.

#505
Like people need to get ya or they don't get ya.

#506
-You know what I'm saying? -Yes.

#507
All right. Yeah.

#508
Does anybody else think it's weird that they haven't showed up yet?

#509
-That who hasn't showed up? -Yeah.

#510
Frank, the producers. The entire TV show.

#511
I mean, we've been doing this whole thing for a while now.

#512
Oh, shit. Yeah, they should've been here by now. What's it been, like, a week?

#513
It's been a month.

#514
-We've been doing this for a month? -Yeah, it's been a month.

#515
-I think it's been a solid month. -Look up the show. Look it up.

#516
I'm gonna look it up. Give me a sec.

#517
That episode aired two weeks ago.

#518
-That's the hometown visit? -Yes.

#519
What the--

#520
[Frank through phone] This is a big day for me! I can't wait to see my--

#521
Oh! There's my family. Ah! It's so, so nice to see you.

#522
-Dad. -It's so good to see you.

#523
-Guys. -What the--

#524
-Who the hell are these people? -He replaced us.

#525
-[Charlie] He replaced us? -[Frank] It is so good to see you.

#526
They would never do anything to embarrass me in any way.

#527
-[Charlie] Dude. -Yeah.

#528
I guess he went woke. And he didn't go broke.

#529
[Charlie sighs]

#530
[♪ jovial music]

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