Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S16E02 — Frank Shoots Every Member of the Gang

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 16, Episode 2 — Frank Shoots Every Member of the Gang

#1
Frank, would you like another buttered nipple?

#2
No. The cream is making me gassy.

#3
- Yeah, well, you have had four of them. - Yeah.

#4
- You know, we could order you

#5
something that's a little bit easier on the pipes.

#7
This is your annual

#8
"take me out and see if you can talk me into

#9
giving you more of my money."

#10
- Oh, stop. - Uh-- Is he talking to us?

#11
- Give me money. - We would never.

#13
Yeah.

#14
Oh.

#15
- Yeah, get that. - What you working on there, bud?

#16
I brought my own can of anchovies

#17
because the fish in this place is not salty enough.

#18
- Mm, that's... - I agree.

#20
Yeah, no, I-I hear you.

#21
It's, uh, it's not salty enough.

#22
I want to point something out here to you, Frank.

#23
I think we do a pretty good job

#24
of pretending like you're not an animal.

#25
Is that thing loaded, by the way?

#26
Nah, it's not loaded.

#27
- And get off my back,

#28
huh?

#29
- Hey. Absolutely. - Yup.

#30
You got it.

#31
Got no intention to be

#32
- riding on your back, pal. - No.

#33
We like you just the way you are.

#34
- Mm. Mm-hmm. - And I think that, you know,

#35
maybe, just possibly, that entitles us to a little taste

#36
- of your fortune after you die? - Oh.

#37
- You know what I mean? I-I... - Oh.

#38
I want to tell you something,

#39
I am not intending on dying anytime soon,

#40
so don't waste your breath.

#41
- You know what? Screw this.

#42
- Okay. - I-- Dee, I told you this was a mistake.

#43
- No, I know, I know. - I-- You know what? I'm out

#44
- of here. - Couple of vultures

#45
picking at my carcass.

#46
- Uh-huh. - You know, I am in the prime

#47
- of my life. - Yeah.

#48
I mean, if you think that you can--

#50
- You shot us! - I'm shot in the face!

#51
You said there were no bullets!

#52
Okay, so it was loaded. My mistake.

#53
Oh, don't be so dramatic.

#54
I just nicked you.

#55
It's not like anybody's in any real danger.

#56
I'm saying don't shoot

#57
the whole balloon down, right? Like, you-you...

#58
- you pull it down-- - Frank shot us.

#59
He shot us in the face. We barely survived.

#60
Awesome!

#61
- Wha... - Uh, no, not awesome.

#62
Oh, sorry. You came in all excited.

#63
I thought you were bragging.

#64
I was picking up on an excited energy, for sure.

#65
Getting shot in the face and surviving is pretty cool.

#66
Yeah.

#67
This is insane.

#68
Listen, we got to get his gun away from him, okay?

#69
I-I don't even care about the money anymore.

#70
Oh, yeah, no, no, neither do I.

#71
I don't give a shit about the money.

#72
I mean, the man is a maniac

#73
and he's gonna wind up shooting everyone in this bar.

#74
Oh, yeah. I do care about the money, though.

#75
- Yeah, no, so do I. Absolutely. - Yeah.

#76
- It's the only thing I care about. Are you kidding me? - Yeah. Yeah.

#77
Come on. You know what I'm worried about?

#78
I'm worried he's gonna kill himself with that gun

#79
before he gets old and senile enough

#80
to rewrite us into the will.

#81
That's it. That's it. We need him to live

#82
long enough so he can become fully demented.

#84
I'm picking up, like,

#85
a super stressed-out vibe from you,

#86
and it's really important to remember, like,

#87
you know, money isn't everything.

#88
Yeah, of course you don't care, Charlie,

#89
because your dad didn't have anything to pass down to you.

#90
No, that's true, but my mom does. Yeah.

#91
On my mom's family side, I got a huge inheritance coming my way.

#92
Wait, what?

#93
H-How did I not know this? You're gonna be rich?

#94
Yeah. Totally. Yeah.

#95
Well, uh, rich in history and legacy

#96
and, uh... ...teeth, of course.

#97
Teeth?

#98
Yeah. It's a pretty sweet deal, actually, you know.

#99
Everyone on my mom's side of the family,

#100
going back to the Niña and the-the Pinta

#101
and the, uh, Santa Margherita,

#102
um, they've all been putting their teeth into a jar

#103
- when they die. - Mm-hmm.

#104
And, uh, when I turn 40,

#105
that sweet little piece

#106
of history's coming my way.

#107
Just stop. Okay, Dee,

#108
we need to get that gun away from Frank.

#109
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

#110
You don't do something like that.

#111
You know, because, like, Frank's gun is a big piece

#112
of who he is, right?

#113
That's his legacy. That's his history.

#114
That's like, that's like my jar of teeth, right?

#115
I don't want that taken away from me when I get old.

#116
What are you talking about?

#117
Charlie, I got some bad news for you, bud.

#118
What?

#119
You turned 40 a long time ago.

#120
Yo. Hey, Ma, how you doing?

#121
- Hi, Mom. - Oh, hi, boys.

#122
- What brings you by? - Yeah, uh,

#123
hey, I want to show Mac that jar of family teeth we got.

#124
Oh.

#126
Hey, Ma, did you realize I was over 40?

#127
You are?

#128
Yeah, turns out. Yeah, I figured you probably forgot, too,

#129
or something, but, um, yeah,

#130
can I get that jar of teeth now, please?

#131
Oh, okay, I-I'll go look for them.

#132
Okay, yeah, good. Go-go get my teeth, please.

#133
Cool. Hey, Mom,

#134
since we're here, um,

#135
do we have any kind of, like,

#136
family heirlooms or anything?

#137
No.

#138
Like, anything of value

#139
that our family owned at some point?

#140
No.

#141
Hm. Okay, what if it's just, like, sentimental?

#142
Just, like, proof that we existed?

#143
Nope.

#144
Wait, what about those letters?

#145
Weren't there some kind of letters

#146
that my grandfather wrote to my dad

#147
during World War II?

#148
Yeah.

#149
Those letters exist? Well, well, who's got them?

#150
Donald.

#151
- Donald? Donald who? - Oh...

#152
Duck.

#153
Yeah.

#154
Donald... Donald Duck? What's she talking about?

#155
Yeah, my mom's making a joke. She's-she's really funny.

#156
She's got a great sense of humor. Right, Mom?

#157
Yeah.

#158
Yeah. She's talking about my Uncle Donald.

#159
Huh. I didn't even know you had an uncle Donald.

#160
Yeah, yeah, that's my dad's brother.

#161
Donald McDonald?

#162
Yeah.

#163
Ronald McDonald.

#164
Donald McDonald. Wow.

#165
Your dad really scored with the name Luther, I guess, huh?

#166
Mom? What happened?

#168
Did she try to pull out her own teeth?

#169
Did you just try to pull out your own teeth?

#170
- Mm-mm. - She clearly did.

#171
- I can see the pliers. - We can see the pliers, Mom.

#172
- Ah! Ugh! - Oh!

#174
Oh, my God. Why did you do that?

#175
I didn't have the heart to-to tell you,

#176
I gave away the jar.

#177
You gave away the jar of teeth? To who?

#178
Your sisters.

#179
To my sisters?

#180
Those ungrateful bitches. What the hell, Mom?

#181
They don't even live in Philly anymore.

#182
They moved all the way up to northern New Jersey.

#183
They're terrible to you.

#184
I'm the one who stayed. I'm the one who takes care of you.

#185
How could you do that?

#186
- Now she's screaming. - This is crazy.

#187
Now she's screaming. Now she's screaming.

#188
- Well, you yelled at her. - Now Mom's screaming.

#189
Now Mom's screaming.

#190
Ah, I can't believe you did this!

#191
- Why are you yelling at her? I don't know... - She gave it away to my sisters.

#192
They're the worst people on the planet.

#193
I didn't even remember that you had sisters.

#194
All right. Okay, okay.

#195
Look, we're just gonna have to go and get them.

#196
I think she's having a stroke, dude.

#197
We're just gonna have to get in the car right now

#198
- and go get them. Come on, man. - We should go to the hospital.

#199
Let's get in the car. Let's go.

#200
Mrs. Mac, we're taking your car. Mom, just calm down.

#201
It's okay, okay? I'm not mad at you. It's fine, okay?

#202
- I love you. - Breathe through your, breathe through your nose.

#203
- I love you, too. I love you, too. - This is fucking insane.

#204
I made a mistake.

#205
You did make a mistake. You did make this-- All right.

#206
Christ, let's get her cleaned up. All right.

#207
I didn't mean to upset you.

#208
Frank, um,

#209
could you stop scratching yourself with the gun, please?

#210
- I'm itchy, I'm itchy. - I-I bet.

#211
Probably from rolling around in the grass

#212
outside of your apartment.

#213
No, I was rolling around in the grass

#214
because I was itchy.

#215
The itch came first.

#216
Okay, well, why don't you hand me the gun,

#217
- and I'll scratch you with my fingers. - Yeah.

#218
I'm not gonna hand you my gun,

#219
but I'll let you scratch. You want to scratch me?

#220
- Go on. Yeah. - Okay.

#221
- All right. - Scratch me. See.

#222
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it down by the neck.

#224
Okay, but I just don't want to get shot again, is all.

#225
The gun's not loaded.

#226
Yeah, that's what you said last time, Frank.

#227
I got to take a piss.

#229
Okay.

#230
- Goddamn it.

#231
This is not working.

#232
Should we just attack him and take it?

#233
What? No.

#234
He'd mow us down like Scarface. We can't come at him like that.

#235
- We'll spook him. - Yeah.

#236
You know what? He needs to be lulled

#237
into a false sense of security.

#238
You don't tell a dog you're taking him to a vet

#239
to put him down.

#240
Right.

#241
You give that dog the best day of his life,

#242
and then you turn out the lights when he least suspects it.

#243
- Okay.

#244
Okay. Oh...

#245
Ooh.

#246
Ooh, that was a long wait.

#247
Ooh!

#248
Wow.

#249
♪ On the road again ♪

#250
♪ Just can't wait... ♪

#251
Why is your mom driving my mom's car?

#252
I don't know. Dude, they got some weird arrangement

#253
worked out so your mom can focus on smoking.

#254
Speaking of, I'm getting choked to death back here.

#255
Mrs. Mac, do you mind, like, cracking a window or something?

#256
No.

#257
Why not? I mean, it's ridiculous to just sit in the smoke.

#258
'Cause it's too drafty. It's unhealthy.

#259
- Right. - Unheal-- What?

#260
Sorry, my mom's on a new health kick.

#261
Hey, Mom, it's working. You look great.

#262
Shut up.

#263
Can we, like speed up or something?

#264
Another car just passed us. Mom, that's, like, the 50th car.

#265
Why are you going so slow?

#266
Well, highways are scary.

#267
You're going 35.

#268
- I can see you're going 35. - But-- And everybody's

#269
just in such a hurry.

#270
No, it's just the normal--

#271
It's the speed that people go on the highway.

#272
Okay, maybe I should drive. Mom, can I drive your car?

#273
- Can Mac drive? - No.

#274
Ugh, this is my worst nightmare, man.

#275
This is absolutely terrible. How much further?

#276
Anyone know? Mac?

#277
How much further? Mac?

#278
Mac? Hello?

#279
My mom's finger is up, which means "no talking".

#280
She's annoyed. It's best if we

#281
just keep it down until the finger goes down,

#282
otherwise, she might burn us with the cigarette lighter.

#283
This is my worst nightmare

#284
in my entire life.

#285
Okay, finger's down. Um, great.

#286
Uh, okay, Mrs. Kelly, you're gonna want to stay

#287
on the Jersey Turnpike until you hit 287.

#288
You want to take 287 towards Hamburg.

#289
Mm, no. That-- No, you just stay on the 206

#290
the whole way up.

#291
No, no, we're gonna,

#292
we're gonna hit Hamburg on the way.

#293
Why are we going to Hamburg?

#294
We're gonna visit my Uncle Donald.

#295
- Donald McDonald of Hamburger, New Jersey? - Hamburg.

#296
A bunch of old letters that weren't even written to you?

#297
That's not a legacy, it's a bunch of meaningless shit.

#298
Not as meaningless as a jar full of teeth.

#300
Sorry, Mom. I didn't see the finger.

#301
No, her hand was not in the air that time.

#302
- She burnt the shit out of me. - You didn't even put your hand--

#303
- Oh, it's up now, it's up now. - Yeah.

#304
Frank, we got a little surprise for you, bud.

#305
What's that?

#306
Hamburgers.

#307
- Oh, hamburgers?

#308
Oh, that's one of the best food there is.

#309
Yeah, yes, they really are.

#310
And, you know what, you can eat them right here in the car.

#311
You know, once in a while, they give me the runs.

#312
Yeah, that's why we put that towel down for you, buddy.

#313
Mmm. Mmm!

#314
- Okay. All right.

#315
- Mmm. - You want to take it easy?

#316
Goddamn. Just one bite at a time,

#317
or you're gonna barf everywhere.

#318
- Mmm. - Yeah, it's good, huh?

#319
Yeah, really hammering them down there, huh, bud?

#320
Very good. Mmm.

#321
Oh!

#322
I almost ate my gun.

#323
I dipped it in the ketchup.

#324
Thought it was a french fry.

#325
Yeah, that is funny.

#326
Wow.

#327
Hey, you know what?

#328
I'm-I'm gonna pull over, Frank.

#329
I got to take a piss anyway.

#330
Again. Okay.

#332
Look where we are.

#333
We're at the bridge.

#334
Oh, I haven't been here in forever.

#335
- Go check it out-- Oh! - Oh! - Oh.

#336
- Ooh. - Did-did you just slam your head into the window?

#337
Yeah, I didn't realize it was up.

#338
Well, were you gonna dive out of it?

#339
Yeah, I was very excited. I want to go.

#340
- All right. - Go see the boys.

#341
- Have fun, buddy. - Go see the boys.

#344
Hey, we're almost there, Dee, okay? He's getting tired.

#345
Let's let run him around the bridge for a little while,

#346
- and then we have one more stop, okay? - Uh...

#347
Oh, he's pissing on another hydrant.

#348
Okay. He's...

#349
literally turning into a dog.

#350
Yeah.

#351
I got to smash.

#352
You just smashed. You smashed, like, three times

#353
on the way up here. We keep having to pull over

#354
- so you can smash. What-- - There is a lot of smashing.

#355
She's very regular.

#356
Oh, no, I'm out of paper towels.

#357
Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, Mrs. Kelly.

#358
I'm sure my Uncle Donald has toilet paper.

#359
You've been wiping with paper towels?

#360
I hope everyone

#361
brought their appetite

#362
because I made quiche.

#363
Aw, that's really nice, Uncle Donald,

#364
but we're kind of in a hurry.

#365
W-Well, that's a shame.

#366
We never get to see each other.

#367
Yeah, that is a shame,

#368
but I'm really here about the letters.

#369
You know, the letters that

#370
Grandpop wrote to you and Dad during the war.

#371
Oh. Oh, yes, yes, I-I-I have those letters.

#372
Oh, that's great.

#373
I was kind of hoping they would pass down to me.

#374
You know, sort of like a family heirloom.

#375
Well, that would make sense because, well,

#376
they weren't actually written to me.

#377
They were addressed only, uh, to your dad.

#378
Grandpop didn't write to you?

#379
He-he liked your dad, uh, more.

#380
Uh, you know, I was the, um,

#381
you know, "funny" one, you know.

#382
It's the reason I never got married.

#383
Not something we talked about back then, but...

#384
but i-it always made me feel,

#385
uh, a little, uh...

#386
different.

#387
Well, I-I'm sure you can understand

#388
what that feels like, Ronald.

#389
No.

#390
So, the letters?

#391
- Oh, yes. - Yeah?

#393
Okay.

#394
Yeah, this is, uh, this is great, Uncle Donald,

#395
'cause it's really gonna tie

#396
a lot of things together for me, you know?

#397
It's, uh-- I have something to pass down to my kids.

#398
It's-it's important to have a legacy.

#399
Oh, yes. You know, I...

#400
I wouldn't know, though. I, you know, I...

#401
I don't have any children of my own.

#402
Oh, yeah.

#404
It's, like, everything you've ever wanted.

#405
Kind of sad, really, uh, me keeping letters

#406
that, uh, weren't even for me.

#407
You know. But, uh,

#408
I guess I just, uh, wanted a connection, uh...

#409
...with my dad.

#410
Yeah.

#411
That is sad.

#412
If I could just-- Yeah. Thank you.

#413
I mean, you know, there's nothing more...

#414
more important in this world than the connection

#415
between a father and a son.

#416
Well, besides the connection between a son and a mother.

#417
Right, Mom?

#418
She's smashing.

#419
- Yeah, she took off, man. - Yeah, she had to smash.

#420
Well, I guess we could wait for her in the car.

#421
This is so annoying.

#422
I mean, you're gonna take time out of my day,

#423
and you have everything you've ever dreamed of right here,

#424
but we're gonna just blow right past it, aren't we?

#425
It's probably time to go, huh?

#426
- Well, uh, o-okay. - Yeah.

#427
Okay, well-well, uh, you know, hey,

#428
if you ever want to, uh, you know, hang out,

#429
you know, we could throw the old football around.

#430
Ah, I don't really like playing football.

#431
It's kind of for jocks.

#432
- It's all he ever talks about - No, it's like--

#433
is wanting to have a catch with his dad, so--

#434
Nah, 'cause remember we were talking about how

#435
it was like a... for jocks?

#436
- Uh, no. That never happened. - Oh.

#437
Uh, yeah, well, uh, we could read.

#438
- We could read. - Oh, but, like, he can't read.

#439
- Imagine that. Imagine that. - He can't read, so...

#440
Yeah, but he's not talking about me, he's talking about

#441
- bonding with you. - Yeah, like...

#442
But we're gonna blow right past this, huh?

#443
Reading is for nerds, so...

#444
- Yeah, is that what it is? - Yeah.

#445
- Uh, cards? - Uh, well,

#446
the thing about cards is, like, with the...

#447
the jacks and the queens and the kings and, like,

#448
I don't like celebrating royalty.

#449
- You know, he-he knows that. - Oh, my God, dude.

#450
- Oh, my God, man. - You know that. We've talked about that.

#451
You're driving me crazy, dude. All right, fine, let's go.

#452
- Bye-bye. - Okay, maybe you guys can swap phone numbers or...

#453
- I think that would be weird. - No? No, not gonna do it?

#454
- That would be weird. Okay. - Fine, then this was a good waste of our time, wasn't it?

#455
- Well, there it is. - The ocean.

#456
- Yep. - Mm.

#457
Beautiful. Probably brings back

#458
a lot of good memories.

#459
- Right, Frank? - Absolutely.

#460
- Yeah. - You guys, uh, mind if I...

#461
- Oh, no. Of course. No, please. Please. Yeah. - Please. Yeah.

#462
Take that you, cesspool.

#463
Polluted sack of shit.

#464
You know, Dee, I kind of feel like we did a good thing here.

#465
I do, too. We gave him a good day.

#466
- Mm-hmm. - For him.

#467
Not for a normal person.

#468
- Yeah. Jesus.

#469
Right.

#470
You all done, bud?

#471
- Yeah. Thanks, guys. - Yeah.

#472
- Good. Hey, oh, absolutely. - Yeah.

#473
- You got it. - Hey, listen, where to now, Frank?

#474
- We want to take you somewhere. - Uh, no, it's okay. I get it.

#475
I-I thought it was a cash grab at first,

#476
but I see where you're going.

#477
The hamburger, playing with Duncan under the bridge,

#478
and now the beach.

#479
A perfect day can't last forever.

#480
I know why we're here.

#481
Oh. You do?

#482
Gosh.

#483
Thanks for making it so easy on us.

#484
- We expected more resistance. - Yeah.

#485
Well, I guess hung on a little bit too long.

#486
- A little bit. - And afterwards, you guys can have the money.

#488
Yeah. Here.

#489
Oh. Gosh.

#490
I-I got to say, this-this went

#491
- so much more smoothly than I... - Yeah, it really did.

#492
Uh, just do it when I'm looking out at the ocean.

#493
Huh?

#494
Ah, don't be coy. I had a good run.

#495
- What are you-- - And it's really good

#496
you didn't do it in front of Charlie.

#497
That was a class move.

#498
Just put me down quick.

#499
Put you down? Wha...

#500
Oh, you know what? I think I'm gonna run,

#501
and then you do what you have to do.

#502
But if you shoot me in the leg, come over and finish me off,

#503
because I don't want to lay there and suffer.

#504
- Actually, here, I'm gonna take... - What?

#505
What the hell are you doing?

#506
I'm gonna go natural, because I've seen

#507
too many guys die and take a shit in their pants.

#508
I don't want that. And bury my poop.

#509
Or just kick some sand over it.

#510
'Cause-- And then you can do what you want to do.

#511
You can float me out into the ocean and let sharks eat me.

#512
Or you can leave me on the ground,

#513
gruesome for the kids to see.

#514
Oh, ugh. Oh, my God.

#515
We are not gonna kill you, Frank.

#516
- Huh? - What, did you think

#517
we were just gonna shoot you right here on the beach?

#518
I mean, there-there's people around.

#519
I'm actually surprised they didn't run

#520
- when you started shooting the ocean. - I-I'm not.

#521
It's the Jersey Shore. But good God, man.

#522
Well, if you're not gonna snuff me out,

#523
what the hell are you doing?

#524
We were giving you one last day with your gun.

#525
Yeah, it's time to let it go, Frank.

#526
You were stealing my gun?

#528
No, it's too dangerous, Frank.

#529
You're out of control with that thing.

#530
By the way, you're out of the will again.

#531
- What? - Why? Just because of the gun? - Yeah.

#532
Exactly. Because I don't trust you two guys.

#533
I mean, if you're in the will, who knows?

#534
You may wind up shooting me in the back.

#535
- Aah! - You just told us to shoot you in the back!

#536
That's different. It's not the same thing.

#537
Take me back to Philly.

#538
You get an Uber.

#540
- Goddamn it. - Go on. Let's go. - Dee,

#541
- why'd you let him snatch that thing back? - I-I...

#542
All right, let's go.

#543
- Just barge right in, Mom. - O-Okay.

#544
Don't-don't be shy, okay?

#545
Bunny?

#546
Candy?

#547
- Are you home? - Which one is the can?

#548
There's probably, like, a million bathrooms.

#549
Just go find a bathroom, Mrs. Mac.

#550
- I don't remember those being your sisters' names.

#551
No, it's not their names. They had their names changed.

#552
Oh. How do they afford to live like this?

#553
T-They're doing some, like, stupid,

#554
like, social media thing.

#555
I-I don't know, I guess they're making a killing on it.

#556
Hey! Candy, Bunny!

#557
- Candy... - Oh, my God.

#558
Mom, what are you doing here?

#559
Well, we just wanted to drive up--

#560
Why'd you bring Dirt Grub?

#561
Oh, yeah, hi. Nice to see you, too.

#562
Shut up, fag!

#563
Why'd you bring your fag friend?

#564
Yeah, why is Mac here?

#565
- This is so distasteful.

#566
Uh, dude, uh...

#567
You know what? I'm not gonna argue with you guys.

#568
- Oh, you're not? - Okay? No, I'm just here

#569
- for the teeth. - No, you can't have them.

#570
Yeah, you can't have them, Charlie.

#571
- You can't have them. - Mom gave them to us.

#572
Well, what do you even care about the teeth?

#573
I-I thought you always said they were weird and gross.

#574
- They are weird and gross. - Yeah, super gross,

#575
but people like that stuff, so we need them.

#576
- We need them. - Need them for what?

#577
ASMR, dickweed.

#578
Yeah. ASMR.

#579
What is that? What even is that?

#580
We stick our hands in the jar.

#581
People pay to watch us stick our hand in the jar.

#582
- They pay for that shit. - Yeah.

#583
They like the noise of the teeth,

#584
and they give us a lot of money on OnlyFans.

#585
- Like, a lot of money. - What?

#586
- More than you could ever imagine. - Yeah.

#587
All you're doing is sticking your hands in teeth

#588
and people pay you enough to live like this?

#589
- We obviously take our tops off. Like... - Obviously.

#591
- Shut up, slut. - You're literally a slut.

#592
All right, you know what? Give me the teeth. Give me the teeth.

#593
No. Finders keepers, bitch.

#594
- Finders keepers. - You did not find them!

#595
- Mom gave them to you! - Yeah, she did.

#596
- Okay, we're her favorite. - I clogged the toilet.

#597
- What the hell? Gross. - Who is this old lady clogging our toilet?

#598
That's my mommy.

#599
- Gross, Mac! - Gross, Mac!

#600
Why did you clog our toilet?

#601
Why'd you clog our toilet, old lady?

#602
There was no TP.

#603
If there was no TP, what did you wipe with?

#604
The letters.

#605
You wiped your butt with the letters

#606
that Grandpop sent Dad and then flushed them down the toilet?

#607
Yeah.

#609
This is so weird, guys. You got to go.

#610
- All right, you know what? - No. No.

#611
Hey, hey. Put that down.

#612
This is gonna be the new Kelly family heirloom,

#613
and I'm gonna put all my teeth in it

#614
and all of Mom's teeth in it and none of yours.

#615
Okay.

#616
Oh, uh, yep.

#617
- Yep. Yep. - You got to stop

#618
doing that. You're not gonna have any teeth left.

#619
You sure you don't want to pop a couple in?

#620
You know, you can be a part of my legacy, dude.

#621
I-I feel like you should be.

#622
- No, I-I'm good. - Yeah?

#623
- Yeah, I'm good. - All right, I'll tell you what.

#624
When one-one falls out, go ahead and toss it in.

#625
- It's cool. - It won't.

#626
Yeah. There. Take that, lock.

#627
Oh, what the hell, man?

#628
And the door wasn't even locked.

#629
You're paying for that door, Frank.

#630
All right, all right.

#631
Well, this is great. This is just great.

#632
You know, like, now what are we supposed to all put

#633
- our teeth in? - Our faces?

#634
- What are you talking about? - I'm talking about our legacy.

#635
You know? I can't hold onto it, man.

#636
Legacy? You want to talk legacy? You know what our legacy is?

#637
Spending our lives in this goddamn bar

#638
with a lunatic man who acts like a dog

#639
and handles his gun like a maniac!

#640
Oh, fine.

#641
I see where this pity party's headed.

#642
If you're gonna be crybabies about it,

#643
all right, take my gun.

#644
- Ow! Ow! - Shit!

#645
Shit.

#646
Well, there you have it, Frank.

#647
You've officially shot everyone in the bar.

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