Home » Hazbin Hotel » S01E02 — Radio Killed the Video Star

Hazbin Hotel

Season 1, Episode 2 — Radio Killed the Video Star

#1
[title music]

#4
Nothing we can't handle.

#7
[manically] Am I right? And next time,

#8
when they cut the time in half again and again,

#9
we'll just handle it, right?!

#10
[Vaggie] Yes, we will.

#14
Sure there is. We just have to look a little harder for it.

#16
People are already freaking out about the news.

#17
Look at what's happening in the Doomsday District.

#18
Err, what is a "donkey show"?

#19
Aah, heh, nothing. My boss, Val, is just freaked out about the news, too.

#20
Like I said, everyone's losing their shit.

#21
Yeah, that's true. Sinners are desperate.

#22
Maybe desperate enough to try anything to escape the extermination?

#23
[gasps] This is the perfect time to recruit more sinners for the hotel!

#24
Cute idea and all, but you really going to go out in all of this?

#25
Well, it's not like people are just going to show up on our doorstep.

#26
-[explosion] -[screams]

#27
[Sir Pentious dramatically] Show yourself, Alastor!

#28
[epic music] Come and face--

#29
Oh, there you are...

#30
[shouts] Face my wrath!

#31
Who are you?

#32
Who am I? Who am I?

#33
I am the great Sir Pentious! Inventor, architect of destruction,

#34
villain extraordinaire!

#35
Woo! You tell 'em, boss.

#36
[Niffty gasps] Ooh, he's a bad boy.

#37
Huh, well if all that's true, you'd think I'd have heard of you.

#38
I attacked you literally last week.

#39
We've done battle, like... 20 times.

#40
Well, you must have been really bad at this.

#41
Silence! Now cower!

#42
[hisses] For when I've slain you, the almighty Vees

#43
will finally acknowledge me as their equal!

#44
[Niffty] Ooh! Wait, who are the Vees?

#45
Oh, nobody important.

#46
[TV announcer] New VoxTek designer voyeur scopes.

#47
Peeping on the neighbors has never been more stylish.

#48
VoxTek. Trust us with your money.

#49
This week's episode of "Yeah I Fucked Your Sister So What?"

#50
is brought to you by VoxTek.

#51
Trust us with your entertainment.

#52
VoxTek. Trust us.

#53
Trust us. Trust us. Trust us. Trust us. Trust us ...

#54
[maniacal laughing] Now that's good television...

#56
[electronic dance music]

#57
Hello there, Velvette. How are you this hellish morning?

#58
Oh, cut the shit, Vox. I need you up here now!

#59
Whatever could be the problem my dear?

#60
Your little boy toy is wrecking my department

#61
while I ' m trying to pull together a show and--

#62
[Valentino] Fucking bitch!

#63
Just get your ass here. Now!

#64
Dammit Valentino! [static]

#65
[sighs] Oh god, here I go. Valentino.

#66
Just another fuckin day with Val.

#67
Hey, hey, hey. Fuck my life.

#68
[lift crackles]

#69
[clamoring] [reporters] Mr Vox! Mr Vox!

#70
[reporter] Mr. Vox, question for you over here. Mr Vox

#71
Mr. Vox. What are your thoughts on the new extermination deadline?

#72
My dear people, we at VoxTek Enterprises have always been

#73
at the forefront of innovation.

#74
And now with this new oncoming threat, we are shifting our focus

#75
to your protection.

#76
We are pleased to announce VoxTek Angelic Security is coming soon.

#77
Trust us with your safety. [chuckles]

#78
Sir? Uh, when did we begin working on Angelic Security?

#79
[Vox] 30 seconds ago. Try to get that bitch Carmilla on the books

#80
and cancel all my appointments today.

#81
I have a fire to put out upstairs.

#82
[static sparks]

#83
[light electronic dance music]

#84
[Velvette] Ugh. No. Unacceptable. You're fired.

#85
What is this? Wrist ruffles? Is it 1750?

#86
Burn it like the witches who wore it.

#87
[Vox] Oh, Velvet. I can see you're busy.

#88
Tell me where's our hot headed friend now?

#89
Up in his tower, waiting for a flat-faced prince to calm him down.

#90
[sighs] And uh, what's got him so out of sorts today?

#91
Who knows? But he tore up my best model.

#92
And you know, the show can't wait for that unlucky bitch

#93
to pull herself back together.

#94
Melissa, get over here.

#95
No. No. Hideous.

#96
I want to die. Eww. Oh, yes. That's the one.

#97
Well, looks like you have everything under control here.

#98
Of course I do. Fuck you. Now shoo!

#99
Take care of the piss baby.

#100
[gentle music]

#101
[door closes]

#102
[ominous music]

#103
[Valentino] Fuckin' finally,

#104
[glass smashes] Kitty, another drink.

#105
Can you believe what that piece of shit did?

#106
The ungrateful whore! [glass smashes]

#107
Um which whore are we talking about this time?

#108
Fucking Angel Dust.

#109
Who the hell else would I be talking about?

#110
That fucking slut walked out on me. Me.

#111
I fucking made him.

#112
Without me, he's just a bag of meat

#113
with some mildly entertaining holes.

#114
-Angel quit? -No, he didn't fucking quit.

#115
It's worse. He moved!

#116
He thinks he can just walk in here, work, and then go home somewhere else.

#117
Can you fucking believe that?!

#118
He thinks he can run off

#119
and shack up with Lucifer's bimbo daughter?

#120
Angel is living with Lucifer's daughter now?

#121
Yeah, that bitch. Chalkie, or Chandler, or...

#122
I don't know. Something mannish like that.

#123
She's got this hotel and--

#124
And which of these makes me look sexier?

#125
[Vox chuckles] What are you doing, Val?

#126
You're not going over there.

#127
That slippery twink is going to remember who owns him.

#128
I'm going to fuck everyone in that rancid shithole, I swear to God.

#129
[shouts] Val! [chuckles] Think about it.

#130
Our brand is perfection.

#131
And what do you think chasing whores around town

#132
will do for our image?

#133
Uh... Fuck it up?

#134
Right! [cheering]

#135
Do you want people thinking you can't control your employees?

#136
-No. -Exactly.

#137
And, hey, you still have him under contract.

#138
He isn't going anywhere. So you should...?

#139
[Valentino] Do nothing?

#140
Great idea. Now, that's why they pay you the big bucks.

#141
[sighs] But I really wanted to shoot someone.

#142
Well, let me call up the lowest earners this month.

#143
Oh, you know me too well. [chuckles darkly]

#144
You know, Angel isn't the only one spending time at this ratty hotel

#145
with the devil's princessa .

#146
[Vox] Oh, who else is there? Someone who owes you money?

#147
[chuckles] Someone who owes us much more than money.

#148
The Radio Demon is there.

#149
[tense music]

#150
[chuckles] What did you just say?

#151
You heard me.

#152
Alastor came back and he is with Lucifer's daughter,

#153
[angrily] and that wasn't the first fucking thing you told me?!

#154
[Valentino] Hey, killing Alastor is your kink.

#155
[Sir Pentious] Arrgh, Oh! Please! Stop! [Alastor laughs]

#156
[Charlie] Um, Alastor? I think he's had enough.

#157
[Angel] Nah, he's got a few more hits in im!

#158
[dramatic music] [Sir Pentious] Aahhh!

#159
[Alastor] Thanks for another forgettable experience.

#160
[Sit Pentious] Thank... you... for letting your guard down!

#161
Haha! Yah! Oh, shit.

#162
[Sir Pentious screams] Argh!

#163
Well, it looks as though I need a visit to the tailor.

#164
Best of luck, chums.

#165
Wait. You're leaving?

#166
Alastor, we need your help. We need you to do your job.

#167
We need a wall.

#168
Of course.

#169
Can't let my new project fall into disrepair already.

#170
What would the papers say?

#171
[Angel giggles]

#172
Hey, sweet cheeks. [laid back jazz]

#173
What you doing later?

#174
I love me a man with a giant... tool.

#175
[Valentino] See? Look, at how he flirts with that guy,

#176
and he's not even paying.

#177
Who is that? I'm gonna fucking kill his whole fucking family.

#178
Vox? Vox?

#179
[static buzzes] [ominous music]

#180
[dramatic music] That fucker is back!

#181
Yeah, I thought he was gone for good too.

#182
It's been seven years!

#183
You still pissed he almost beat you that time?

#184
-Uh, fuck you. -Just saying.

#185
Things have changed a lot since he left town.

#186
[Valentino] That's for sure.

#187
I got to send a message

#188
of who's really in charge of things now.

#189
[chuckles]

#190
[dramatic music] ♪ Welcome home ♪

#191
♪ I'm gonna make you wish ♪

#192
♪ That you'd stayed gone. ♪

#193
♪ Say hello ♪

#194
♪ To a new status quo ♪

#195
♪ Everyone knows that there's a brand new dawn ♪

#196
♪ Turn the TV on ♪

#197
[director] Camera, speeds. Rolling in 3,2.

#198
[upbeat music] ♪ Welcome to the show ♪

#202
♪ So the Radio Demon is back in town. ♪

#203
♪ Why is he hanging around? What does that mean for your family? ♪

#204
♪ Well handily, I've got good news. He's a loser, a fossil ♪

#205
♪ And I don't mean to sound hostile but the demon is a coward ♪

#206
♪ You can take that as gospel. Pulling my viewers? Impossible ♪

#207
♪ Im visual, he's barely audible ♪

#208
♪ Stop giving him the time of day ♪

#209
♪ Don't listen to a word he'd say

#210
♪ Hope he had a nice vacay ♪

#211
♪ But he should have stayed away ♪

#212
♪ While he hid in radio ♪

#213
♪ We pivoted to video ♪

#214
♪ And now his medium ♪

#215
♪ is getting bloody rare ♪

#216
♪ Hell's been better since he split ♪

#217
♪ Where's he been? Who gives a shit? ♪

#218
[Alastor] ♪ Salutations ♪

#219
♪ Good to be back on the air ♪

#220
♪ Yes I know It's been a while since someone with style ♪

#221
♪ Treated hell to a broadcast Sinners rejoice ♪

#222
[Vox] What a dated voice!

#223
-Instead of a clout chasing video podcast -Come on!

#224
♪ Is Vox insecure pursuing allure? ♪

#225
♪ Flitting between this fad and that ♪

#226
- ♪ Is nothing working? ♪ - ♪ Ignore his chirping ♪

#227
♪ Every day he's got a new format ♪

#228
[Vox] ♪ You're looking at the future ♪

#229
♪ He's the shit that comes before that ♪

#230
[Alastor] ♪ Is Vox as strong as he purports ♪

#231
♪ Or is it based on his support? ♪

#232
♪ He'd be powerless without the other Vees ♪

#233
[Vox] Oh please.

#234
♪ And here's the sugar ♪

#235
♪ on the cream ♪

#236
- ♪ He asked me to join his team ♪ -[Vox] Hold on!

#237
♪ I said no and now he's pissy, that's the tea ♪

#238
[glitches] ♪ You old timey prick ♪

#239
♪ I'll show you suffering ♪

#240
[Alastor] ♪ Uh oh, the TV is buffering ♪

#241
[signal breaks up] ♪ I'll destroy yoo-o-u-u you little-- ♪

#242
[Alastor] I'm afraid you've lost your signal.

#243
[dramatic music]

#244
[Alastor] ♪ Lets begin ♪

#245
♪ I'm gonna make you wish that I'd stayed gone ♪

#246
♪ Tune on in ♪

#247
♪ When I'm done ♪

#248
♪ Your status quo Will know its race is run ♪

#249
♪ Oh this will be fun ♪

#250
[Alastor laughing]

#251
Fuck!

#252
[light music] We have a problem.

#253
Alastor is getting close to Little Princess Morning Star.

#254
So our main concern now is ensuring that no deal is ever struck

#255
between Lucifer's brat and that smiling freak.

#256
Well, how exactly are we supposed to stop it?

#257
Put something inside them.

#258
That's how I get the bitches to behave.

#259
Well maybe someone on the inside isn't such a bad idea.

#260
Do you think Angel would?

#261
That lanky prick won't even return my calls.

#262
We need someone who Little Miss Bleeding Heart would take in.

#263
Someone pathetic, desperate, with no direct ties to us.

#264
I employ every down on their luck loser this side of hell.

#265
Who the fuck is left?

#266
[Vox scoffs]

#267
[dramatic music] I think I have just the one.

#268
[Charlie exhausted] Hmmph!

#269
[Angel] So how'd it go?

#270
[sighs] Not a single new recruit.

#271
Yeah. Well, who would want to use their last days

#272
[banging on door] not fucking and fighting?

#273
Why, hello, my dear--

#274
[thud]

#275
[Sir Pentious] Wait wait wait!

#276
I come in peace.

#277
What are you doing here?

#278
Vaggie what's the problem? [gasps]

#279
Oh, hello again.

#280
I didn't come looking for a fight. I uhh...

#281
I heard that you're helping people.

#282
People who want to be better?

#283
[gasps] You heard right.

#284
Welcome to our home of healing. Our resort of restoration. Our--

#285
Are you fucking nuts?

#286
This chump was trying to kill us, like,

#287
literally 6 hours ago.

#288
And now you want to bring him in here to live with us?

#289
Absolutely!

#290
This place is about second chances.

#291
And who deserves one more than this...

#292
slithery... slippery... special little man.

#293
Aren't you're supposed to protect this place?

#294
-[puppy dog noises] [ Vaggie sighs]

#295
I... guess he's not much of a threat without the war machine

#296
or even with the war machine.

#297
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

#298
Sir Pentious! Welcome to the Hazbin hotel!

#299
Oh, no darling, thank you. You won't regret this.

#300
Eh, I give you a week tops.

#301
[light music] So... this is the bar and the bartender.

#302
This is the curtain,

#303
and this is the new wall after you broke the last one, heh,

#304
and, oh, this, this is--

#305
Babe, you don't have to show him every detail.

#306
Sorry, I'm just so excited to have our first real guest!

#307
Uh, what the hell am I then?

#308
Well, you're an important part of our family here, Angel.

#309
But you, um, uh....

#310
[Vaggie] Constantly make us look bad, sexually harass the staff,

#311
and have literally never once tried to improve?

#312
What she means is, it's just nice to have someone interested for once.

#313
[light music]

#314
Over here we have our maid Niffty.

#315
[gasps] The bad boy is back.

#316
[creepy whisper] Never leave me again.

#317
We're about eighty percent sure she's harmless.

#318
And over here we have--

#319
Oh, uh, Alastor, our gracious Facility Manager!

#320
You've met our newest guest, Sir Pentious... Heh heh.

#321
Ah, yes. You're the one who ruined my coat.

#322
[sinisterly] I definitely remember you now.

#323
[gulp]

#324
Well, I guess this is a great time for your first lesson:

#325
[clears throat]

#326
"How to apologize".

#327
The first step to becoming a better person is to admit when you are wrong,

#328
Why don't you give it a try?

#329
Yes, um... Mr, um, Radio Demon, sir, please forgive me for attacking you

#330
and ruining your very lovely coat... Um, here...

#331
Oh-ho, not many people have been able to take even this much off me.

#332
It must have meant quite a lot to you.

#333
[ignites]

#334
[cat purrs]

#335
Now! With a new resident,

#336
I think it's important we all get to know each other,

#337
so we are going to play a little game.

#338
Everyone, follow me.

#339
My name is Charlie. [claps]

#340
I like to sing. [claps]

#341
And when we get to know each other, it's the greatest thing.

#342
[claps]

#343
My name's Sir Pentious. [claps]

#344
I like to build. [claps]

#345
And despite my stupid Egg Bois,

#346
I think I'm very skilled. [claps]

#347
This is stupid.

#348
♪ This is not stupid it 's just the game ♪

#349
♪ Sir Pentious did it well so now please try to do the same ♪

#350
I am too sober for this.

#351
Well, get used to it and learn how to play.

#352
♪ This is going to be your whole day ♪ [claps]

#353
[laidback jazz music]

#354
[Angel] "Oh I'm a bad man on the streets

#355
who never got enough hugs."

#356
"Now, where's an innocent kid I can sell crack to?"

#357
[Angel] Wow. Who wrote this?

#358
It's great, right? Keep going.

#359
-"Hey you." -Who, me?

#360
"Yeah, you look like a kid who could use some devil's dandruff."

#361
[Angel] Oh, for fuck's sake.

#362
Not me. I have to go home and study.

#363
"Come on kid, it'll make you cool like me...

#364
The crack head!"

#365
The only cool thing here is to say no to drugs.

#366
Now, if you'll excuse me,

#367
I'm off to not have sexual intercourse before marriage!

#368
[fanfare sounds] Yes! Oh, bravo, bravo!

#369
Wow, Pentious,

#370
at this rate you'll be redeemed in no time.

#371
[melancholy music]

#372
[Angel] I... I'm going to bed.

#373
[Charlie] I am so proud of you, Sir Pentious.

#374
-That was amazing. -Thank you.

#375
-That was beautiful work today! -[Sir Pentious] Thank you.

#376
You like me. You really like me!

#377
[grunts]

#378
[sighs]

#379
[voicemail beeps] [Valentino] Angel, Baby, come home.

#380
It's not the same without you here. I miss you, come back

#381
[shouting] Angel you bitch, If you don't come home,

#382
You will be fucking greasy truckers for the next year--

#383
[Valentino] Hey, amorcito, I didn't mean to yell,

#384
but you know how crazy you make me f--

#385
[shouting] You fuckin' slut!

#386
[Valentino being friendly] Hey, Angie, about earlier--

#387
[shouting] Kill your whole fucking fam--

#388
Work ' s really stressful--

#389
[shouting] Little cocksucking piece of shit--

#390
[ominous music] You actually think you can change?

#391
-Addict trash like you doesn't change. -[sigh]

#392
[Valentino] I'll see you soon, baby.

#393
Sorry. Not now, Fat Nuggets. [oinks]

#394
[bottles clink] [cork squeaks open]

#395
[gulps]

#396
Aah!

#397
Huh?

#398
[suspenseful music]

#399
[door creaks]

#400
[Angel] You slippery little shit!

#401
[screams]

#402
You're working for the Vees?

#403
I fucking knew there was something shitty about you.

#404
[Sir Pentious] I don't know what you're talking about...

#405
whorebug!

#406
[growls]

#407
[frantic music] [scuffles]

#408
[Sir Pentious] Get your aggressively average body,

#409
off of me!

#410
[Angel] Fuck!

#411
[hisses]

#412
[growls ]

#413
[yawn] [Charlie] What's going on?

#414
[Angel] This little bitch is a traitor!

#415
Preposterous, I would never betray you. You... are my best friends!

#416
[Angel] Uh-uh, Then explain this.

#417
[suspenseful music]

#418
Ah! Ah! Abort! Abort!

#419
S.O.S. Agent Pentious in need of immediate evacuation!!

#420
[Vox] Pentious? ... Wait ... You were caught?!

#421
[laughing] It hasn't even been a day!

#422
Please, you've got to get me out of here!

#423
[Vox] I can't believe we thought you could handle even something this simple.

#424
Do us a favor, if they don't kill you,

#425
go ahead and do it yourself, you miserable failure.

#426
I... I...

#427
[sombre music]

#428
Just make it quick, I guess.

#429
Not that I deserve it.

#430
Gladly.

#431
Wait... Pentious?

#432
[light ballad music]

#433
♪ It starts with sorry ♪

#434
♪ That's your foot In the door ♪

#435
♪ One simple sorry ♪

#436
♪ Spoken straight from your core ♪

#437
♪ The path to forgiveness ♪

#438
♪ Is a twisting trail of hearts ♪

#439
♪ But sorry is where it starts ♪

#440
[music builds]

#441
♪ Who could forgive a dirtbag like me ♪

#442
♪ I don't deserve your amnesty ♪

#443
[Angel and Vaggie] ♪ Can ' t we just kill him ♪

#444
♪ Shoot him and spill his blood ♪

#445
[Charlie] ♪ That's an option you could choose ♪

#446
[Angel and Vaggie] ♪ Works for us ♪

#447
♪ But who hasn't Been in his shoes ♪

#448
♪ It starts with sorry ♪

#449
♪ Sorry ♪

#450
♪ Dig down deeper and say ♪

#451
♪ One sincere sorry ♪

#452
[Sir Pentious] ♪ I'm so sorry ♪

#453
[Charlie] ♪ And your journey's underway ♪

#454
[Charlie and Sir Pentious] ♪ It'll take time to cover ♪

#455
♪ Your vast multitude of sins ♪ ♪ My vast multitude of sins ♪

#456
♪ But sorry is where it begins ♪

#457
♪ It starts with sorry ♪

#458
[Niffty] I hated that song!

#459
Why are you so lame? Not a bad boy.

#460
[happy sigh] Good first day. Let's get some rest.

#461
[suspenseful music]

#462
[electronic static] [Vox] What?!

#463
You'll have to try harder than that next time, ol' pal.

#464
[Vox rages] Aaaarrggghhhhh!!

#465
[Alastor laughs]

#466
[end credit music]

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