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Hazbin Hotel
» S01E05 — Dad Beat Dad
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Season 1, Episode 5 — Dad Beat Dad
#1
[opening credit music]
#2
[gentle music]
#3
[Vaggie yawns]
#4
Oh. Charlie?
#5
Don't understand why it's not working. Think Charlie, think.
#6
Think, think, think, think, think, think.
#7
[mutters]
#12
Nope, no! Not really! Haha!
#13
I've been up all night trying to figure out why the hotel isn't working.
#14
We've done trust falls. We've tried sharing our feelings.
#15
We only have a couple months left before the angels come.
#16
[Manic laughter]
#17
-And at this rate... -[Vaggie] Maybe it's time...
#18
-No. -to ask...
#19
Don't say it.
#20
your dad.
#21
[Charlie groans]
#25
[gasps]
#28
He could get me a meeting with Heaven.
#29
Didn't we already try that?
#30
Well, yeah, with Adam, he was an asshole.
#31
But he isn't in charge of all of Heaven.
#32
We could go to the top!
#33
There's sure to be some angels who will listen.
#34
[Husk] What's the holdup?
#35
You got daddy issues?
#36
No, we just have never been close.
#37
After he and Mom split, he never really wanted to see me.
#38
He calls... sometimes, but only if he's bored or like, needs me to do something.
#39
Daddy issues.
#40
Well, I'd like to meet the big dick in charge.
#41
The ultimate bad boy. [giggles like a gremlin]
#42
I bet he's scary.
#43
[Lucifer] That's it.
#44
[suspenseful music] Almost there!
#45
Now presenting...
#46
the magic-tastical backflipping rubber duck!
#47
Ha ha!
#48
That spits fire!
#49
[laughs] [jovial music]
#50
Hold the applause! Please, okay.
#51
Oh, thank you, thank you. Oh God, who am I kidding, this sucks!
#52
[duck squeaks]
#53
[phone rings]
#54
Daughter? Daughter calling, daughter, daughter calling! Oh! Um-Uh.
#55
Hello, Charlie.
#56
H-Hey, heyyy, CharChar...
#57
No! No, that's not good.
#58
Oh, this is the first time she's called you in years.
#59
This has to be perfect.
#60
Hey, bitch!
#61
Hi, Dad.
#62
Hey! How are you? [chuckles]
#63
Wh-wh-where are you these days?
#64
You know where I am, Dad. I've told you before.
#65
You have? Oh yeah, uh?
#66
Well, you know I um, uh...
#67
I told you when you called me five months ago.
#68
Or did you not listen?
#69
No, no, no, no. Just, you know, just forgot, I've just been really busy!
#70
Ya know with um... important things.
#71
Well, I'm actually running a hotel to rehabilitate sinners.
#72
Maybe you saw our commercial.
#73
Oh...sadly I missed it.
#74
Heheh, you know I haven't been watching much TV lately.
#75
Scrambles the brain.
#76
[laughs]
#77
But, hey, a hotel! Fun!
#78
[sighs] Listen, Dad, I've got... kind of a big ask.
#79
[coughs] Yeah, of course.
#80
Anything in my power is yours for the asking.
#81
You just name it.
#82
I need to speak to Heaven.
#83
Well, whoever's in charge up there, above Adam, above anybody.
#84
I need to go to the top.
#85
Oh no!
#86
Nooooo,
#87
[Lucifer] no, no, no, no, Charlie
#88
no, no, no, that's, uh... No.
#89
[frustrated] Look, Dad. I don't ask you for much.
#90
I never have, but this, this is really important to me.
#91
It's the most important thing I've ever done.
#92
And... I need you.
#93
[Charlie] I need your help.
#94
[stammers] I don't know, Charlie.
#95
Please, just come see what I'm trying to do.
#96
You'll see why it's a really good idea.
#97
And Heaven is bound to agree if I get the chance to talk to them.
#98
Please, Dad.
#99
Wait. You're inviting me over?
#100
Absolutely!
#101
Hoh! I'll be there in an hour! [phone beeps]
#102
[singing] My daughter wants to see me! Take that depression!
#103
Well, we have an hour until he gets here.
#104
[Vaggie] Okay, people, Lucifer is on his way.
#105
So we are going to get this place presentable,
#106
and we are all going to make an amazing impression!
#107
Vamonos!
#108
[light music]
#109
[breathes deeply]
#110
[Charlie] Okay everyone,
#111
it's showtime!
#112
-[Lucifer] Chaaaarlie!! -Hey, Da-
#113
Oh, it's so good to see you. Haha!
#114
It's good to see you, too, Dad.
#115
[gasps]
#116
[clears throat] Welcome! To the Hazbin Hotel!
#117
Oh, hewwo, Keekee!
#118
Razzle, Dazzle!
#119
Oh, look how much you haven't grown!
#120
Still fun sized.
#121
You taking care of my little girl?
#122
[ominously] You better be... [laugh]
#123
Wow, this place sure looks, uh...
#124
Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh.
#125
It's got a lot of character.
#126
Oh, what in the unholy Hell is that?!
#127
[Alastor] Just some of the renovations we had done.
#128
Adds a bit of color, don't you think?
#129
[Lucifer] And you are?
#130
Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you, sir.
#131
Quite a pleasure!
#132
It's nice to finally put a face to the name.
#133
You are much shorter in real life.
#134
Who is this? Who's this now?
#135
Are you the bellhop?
#136
Haha! No! I am the host of the hotel.
#137
You might have heard of me from my radio broadcast.
#138
Hmm. Nope! I guess that's why Charlie called it the 'Hazbin' Hotel! Hahaha.
#139
Ha ha ha! It was actually my idea.
#140
Ha ha ha! Well, it's not very clever!
#141
Ha ha, fuck you.
#142
Okay! Okay. Anyway.
#143
Dad, look at this lovely parlor, where people can get to know each other
#144
and share secrets and stories and intimate feelings!
#145
Without Alastor,
#146
we wouldn't have been able to pretty it up this much!
#147
[Alastor] Charlie has a very unique vision.
#148
I am happy to fulfill her bizarre requests.
#149
Oh, thank you, Alastor.
#150
[Lucifer growls]
#151
Quite an impressive young lady.
#152
We're all very proud of her.
#153
[Lucifer clears throat] Charlie, dear,
#154
why don't you introduce me to your other friends?
#155
Oh, yes, of course.
#156
This is Vaggie.
#157
She's my girlfriend!
#158
Oh ho my golly! You like girls?
#159
So do I, we have so much in common!
#160
Put er' there, Maggie!
#161
She's so pretty.
#162
[Vaggie] Uh, lovely to meet you, uh, sir!
#163
And this is Sir Pentious and Angel Dust, our guests!
#164
Your Majesty!
#165
[Sleazily] Heya, short king.
#166
Husk is our bartender, and Niffty is our housekeeper!
#167
Nice to meet you.
#168
Hello.
#169
I clean. Hehehehe.
#170
[crash]
#171
[coughs]
#172
Ha ha ha, alright then.
#173
[Upbeat music] Ha ha.
#174
♪ Looks like you could use some help from the big boss of Hell himself ♪
#175
♪ Check out Daddy's glowing reviews on Yelp ♪
#176
♪ 'Five Stars' 'Flawless!' 'Greater than great!' ♪
#177
♪ Oh, with a punch of a pentagram ♪
#178
♪ I wap bap boom alakazam ♪
#179
♪ Usually, I charge a sacrificial lamb ♪
#180
♪ But you get the family rate! ♪
#181
♪ Thanks, Dad ♪
#182
♪ Who needs a busboy now that you've got the chef ♪
#183
♪ Woh-oh-oh! ♪
#184
♪ Michelin tasting menu free a la carte ♪
#185
♪ I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref ♪
#186
♪ Champagne fountains, caviar mountains, that's just a start! ♪
#187
♪ Who's been here since day one? ♪
#188
♪ Who's been faithful as a nun? ♪
#189
♪ Makes you chuckle with an old-timey pun ♪
#190
♪ Your executive producer ♪
#191
♪ That's true! ♪
#192
♪ I'm your guy, your day-to-day ♪
#193
♪ Your chum, your steadfast hotelier ♪
#194
♪ Remember when I fixed that clog today? ♪
#195
♪ I was stuck, thank you, sir! ♪
#196
♪ Oh you! ♪
#197
♪ I'm truly honored that we've built such a bond ♪
#198
♪ Aawww ♪
#199
♪ You're like the child that I wish that I had ♪
#200
Uh, what?
#201
♪ I care for you just like a daughter I spawned ♪
#202
Hold on now!
#203
♪ It's a little funny, you could almost call me ♪
#204
♪ Dad ♪
#205
[Lucifer plays violin]
#206
[Alastor plays piano]
#207
[Lucifer plays accordion]
#208
♪ They say when you're looking for assistance ♪
#209
♪ It's smart to pick the path of least resistance ♪
#210
♪ Others say that in your needy hour ♪
#211
♪ There's no substitute for pure angelic power! ♪
#212
♪ Who just happens to also be your blood ♪
#213
♪ Sadly there are times a birth parent is a dud ♪
#214
♪ They say the family you choose is better ♪
#215
♪ What a bunch of losers! ♪
#216
♪ Can you butt out of my song? ♪
#217
-♪ Your song? I started this ♪ -♪ I'm singing it, I'll finish it! ♪
#218
♪ Oh you tacky piece of... ♪
#219
♪ It's me! Yes, it's me!! ♪
#220
♪ I know you were all waiting for me ♪
#221
♪ I'm here ♪
#222
♪ What a gas ♪
#223
♪ Took a while but I'm present at last! ♪
#224
♪ It's me ♪
#225
♪ Mimzzzyyyyyyy ♪
#226
[Lucifer] Who?
#227
Didn't you just hear me?
#228
Why is everybody gawkin'?
#229
Is it, cuz I'm adorable?
#230
Mimzy!
#231
Alastooorr, sweetie, doll-face!
#232
So good to see you.
#233
How you been? Good? Good.
#234
[squeeze]
#235
Listen, I was in the neighborhood.
#236
I heard you were staying at this ritzy slob factory,
#237
and I figured I'd stop by, say hi!
#238
For old times sake.
#239
Of course, sweetheart!
#240
Everyone is welcome here.
#241
[Charlie] Oh, how nice!
#242
So you two know each other?
#243
Oh, yeah. We go way back,
#244
ran in the same circles when we were alive.
#245
You know, this one used to frequent the club where I used to perform.
#246
He's the only one I knew who could pound whiskey like a sailor
#247
then keep up with me on the dance floor.
#248
Oh, quite a talent, this gal.
#249
Ho, ho, you should have seen her in her heyday.
#250
Hey, watch it tall, dark and creepy.
#251
I'm still in my prime!
#252
Oh, oh my stars!
#253
[gasps] Is that Lucifer?
#254
Move it!
#255
Pleased to meetcha, Your Highness.
#256
Alastor, you gotta warn a girl when she's in mixed company.
#257
Charmed, I'm sure.
#258
As much as I'd love to catch up, Charlie and I have a tour to continue.
#259
I'm sure Charlie can handle showing me around.
#260
[Alastor] Nonsense!
#261
We started the hotel together, and we'll show it off together.
#262
Right, Charlie?
#263
Oh, right.
#264
Why don't you let the others help you settle in,
#265
and I'll be back before you know it.
#266
So, where can a girl get a drink around here?
#267
[grunts]
#268
My, my, is that Husker?
#269
Alastor still has you slinging hooch for him, I see.
#270
[chuckles] Classic!
#271
How ya been, fur-ball?
#272
Good until five minutes ago.
#273
Oh, don't tell me you're not happy to see me.
#274
You might hurt my feelins. [giggles]
#275
Hey Niffty, whatcha' been up to, girlie?
#276
Fighting bugs.
#277
[scuttling] And uh, how's that going for you?
#278
They're winning.
#279
But not for long.
#280
Uh-huh... Thanks, pussy cat!
#281
[Husk] Oh, fuck you.
#282
So uh, you and Alastor are like what?
#283
Friends?
#284
Well, that's your word, not mine,
#285
but I think it fits.
#286
Why so surprised?
#287
Well, just didn't know he had any of those.
#288
He's been here a while and is still a big, creepy mystery.
#289
What's his deal?
#290
Well, you probably heard the stories.
#291
[Mimzy] He appeared in Hell suddenly,
#292
making a splash quicker than anyone had ever seen.
#293
At first, people wanted to dismiss him,
#294
but soon overlords started goin' missing,
#295
and not small ones neither. [evil laughing]
#296
We're talking heavy hitters.
#297
No one knew what happened to 'em
#298
until these strange radio broadcasts started going out.
#299
[ominous music] All you could hear was screams.
#300
Every time an overlord went missing,
#301
there'd be a new voice screaming in the broadcast.
#302
That's when Alastor revealed himself as the Radio Demon,
#303
and anyone that would mess with him... [laughs]
#304
Well, let's just say
#305
his broadcasts never lacked new voices.
#306
That's the story most people know,
#307
but underneath it all...
#308
He's a total sweetie.
#309
Put on some jazz and pour a couple fingers of rye,
#310
and he becomes a kitten!
#311
Stop with the looks.
#312
He hasn't done any of that in a while.
#313
Can I get another one of these?
#314
Oh, what the fuck!
#315
So, once we have the proof that redemption is possible,
#316
this whole hotel will be full of demons wanting to check out into Heaven.
#317
We just need a little more time to prove it.
#318
The sharing circles haven't been working as fast as I hoped,
#319
[Husk] Ey, Boss? Can I have a word.
#320
[Charlie] but I'm thinking that with a little bit more rethinking
#321
we can really get it going.
#322
What is it?
#323
You and I both know Mimzy only shows up when she needs somethin'.
#324
That bitch is trouble, and who knows what kinda demon
#325
she fucked with to come running to you this time?
#326
It's nothing I can't handle. Don't worry Husker.
#327
Who in their right mind would cross me?
#328
I mean... you've been gone a while and it's not like anybody knows why.
#329
They don't need to know.
#330
And don't you worry your fuzzy head about it.
#331
[growls] You may own my soul, but I ain't your fucking pet!
#332
Hmhm! But you are! Haha!
#333
Big talk for someone who's also on a leash.
#334
[Alastor] Aha, what did you say?
#335
[chain clanks] Oh, fuck! Nothing I, um--
#336
[chokes]
#337
[Alastor] If you ever say that again,
#338
[intense music] I will tear your soul apart
#339
and broadcast your screams
#340
for every other disrespectful wretch
#341
who dares to question me.
#342
-Understood. -Lovely.
#343
[chuckles] Good talk, my good man!
#344
Always nice to catch up.
#345
[Vaggie] And we've almost been able to find
#346
all of Angel's drug stashes...
#347
Almost.
#348
So once that's out of the way it should be much smoother sailing.
#349
Well, that certainly is, uh... is-is something.
#350
So... What do you think?
#351
-About what? -The hotel.
#352
Oh yes, it does... it does look much better now, doesn't it?
#353
[chuckles]
#354
Ya know, but I'm thinking this railing needs work,
#355
one good push and you'd just go right over the edge.
#356
Whoopie, bye-bye. [laugh]
#357
What? No, no, the plan, Dad!
#358
What do you think about using the hotel to help sinners?
#359
Ahh.
#360
Alright, I mean, look...
#361
I love that you want to see the best in people,
#362
but these sinners... You know, they're just the worst.
#363
I, I don't know how much you can realistically expect from them in Heaven.
#364
Hohooo boy, Heaven is not exactly as carefree as you might think.
#365
Yeah, they have rules.
#366
Lots of rules.
#367
And they aren't very open minded as you'd hope.
#368
These are our people Dad, I... I have to try.
#369
Our "people", Charlie, are awful!
#370
They got gifted free will and look what they did with it!
#371
Everything's terrible!
#372
[wheeze]
#373
I just don't want you to put yourself on the line for people like--
#374
[loud thud] Geez! What now?!
#375
[Lucifer] Well, like that!
#376
[Loan Shark] Mimzy, we know you're in there you lousy bitch!
#377
Oh, shit.
#378
-[Vaggie] Que carajo?! -[Charlie] What's going on?
#379
I maaaaaaay be in trouble with some loan shark's
#380
I may or may not have borrowed fifty grand from-- eep!
#381
[Loan Shark] You better come out.
#382
And I may have also stolen a car...
#383
and crashed it... into the loan shark's girlfriend.
#384
But that bitch had it coming!
#385
-[Vaggie screams] -[Niffty] My windows!
#386
[Sit Pentious] Ah! We're under seige! Ah! Take cover!
#387
[dramatic music] [Vaggie] Look out! What the fuck?!
#388
[panicked shouting]
#389
Ya see, this is exaaactly what I'm talking about Charlie.
#390
You build something nice,
#391
you invite people in and offer them everything
#392
and they just bring violence and chaos to your doorstep.
#393
It doesn't matter how well intentioned you are,
#394
they're always going to disappoint you.
#395
[Sir Pentious] Niffty, come along! [rubble crashes]
#396
[Vaggie] All of you, get a safe distance.
#397
I'll take care of this.
#398
[Alastor] No, my dear, leave it to me.
#399
It's time I remind everyone why I am here.
#400
[Mimzy] Oh, finally. Took ya long enough!
#401
[Alastor] A reminder to all,
#402
not to mess with the Radio Demon.
#403
[evil laugh]
#404
[Loan Shark screams]
#405
[Mimzy] Yeah!
#406
[intense music] I will devour each and every one of you!
#407
[Lucifer] Mhm, ya see? What I tell ya?
#408
Charlie, sinners are violent psychopaths,
#409
hell bent on causing as much pain and destruction as they can.
#410
There's really no point in trying.
#411
Dad, stop! He's defending this hotel.
#412
[Charlie] It may be a bit more sadistic than I'd hoped.
#413
But he's doing it for me!
#414
How come he can have faith in me, but my own father can't?
#415
[Angel] Ooh, drama.
#416
[Alastor] Oh, I missed getting to let off steam.
#417
Oh, Alastor! What a fantastic show.
#418
Bravo, as always.
#419
Thanks for helpin' lil' old me outta a tough spot, you're always such a pal.
#420
[crash]
#421
Oops.
#422
Heheheh, sorry about the mess,
#423
but I'm sure the lil' bug can take care of it for ya.
#424
I think you should go Mimzy. Now.
#425
Oh pff, Alastor, you're such a kidder you!
#426
Haha, you are so funny...
#427
I mean it.
#428
You deliberately brought danger to this place
#429
just to have me clean up your mess.
#430
I can't have that here.
#431
But you love takin' care a' me! What?
#432
You don't actually give a shit about this tacky place, do ya?
#433
Come on. I know you.
#434
You heartless son of a bitch.
#435
You are welcome if you actually want to give redemption a shot.
#436
But I think we both know that's not really your style.
#437
So you need to leave.
#438
[splutters] Fine! Who needs ya?
#439
Have fun with ya lil' princess and ya lil' hotel.
#440
See if I care.
#441
[Angel/Husk] [eating popcorn]
#442
[Angel] This is really getting good.
#443
[Charlie] Dad...just...help me.
#444
I...I can't.
#445
Why can't you?
#446
Charlie! [gasps]
#447
You don't understand,
#448
Heaven never listens.
#449
They didn't listen to me,
#450
they won't listen to you.
#451
You don't know that!
#452
I do!
#453
[soft ballad] ♪ You didn't know that when ♪
#454
♪ I tried this all before ♪
#455
♪ My dreams were too hard to defend ♪
#456
♪ And in the end ♪
#457
♪ I won't lose it all again ♪
#458
♪ Now you're the only thing worth fighting for ♪
#459
♪ More than anything ♪
#460
♪ I'll shelter and adore you more than anything ♪
#461
Dad, I don't need you to protect me from this
#462
I just don't want you to be crushed by them like...
#463
Like I was
#464
Dad
#465
♪ When I was young ♪
#466
♪ I didn't really know you at all ♪
#467
♪ I always felt so small ♪
#468
♪ But I heard your stories and I was enthralled ♪
#469
♪ The tales about your lofty dreams ♪
#470
♪ I listened breathlessly ♪
#471
♪ Imagining it could be me ♪
#472
♪ So in the end ♪
#473
♪ Its the view I had of you ♪
#474
♪ That show me dreams can be worth fighting for ♪
#475
♪ More than anything ♪
#476
♪ I need to save my people ♪
#477
♪ More than anything ♪
#478
♪ I've been dying to find out who you are ♪
#479
♪ I've been waiting wanting the same thing ♪
#480
♪ Looks like the apple doesn't fall far ♪
#481
♪ Took you a while ♪
#482
♪ I've missed that smile ♪
#483
[Charlie and Lucifer together] ♪ All that I'm hopin' ♪
#484
♪ Now that my eyes are open ♪
#485
♪ Is that we can start again ♪
#486
♪ Not be pulled apart again ♪
#487
♪ Cause in the end ♪
#488
♪ You are part of who I am ♪
#489
[Lucifer] ♪ I'll support your dream, whatever lies in store ♪
#490
[Charlie] ♪ And who could ask for more? ♪
#491
♪ More than anything ♪
#492
-♪ I'm grateful you're my father ♪ -♪ I'm grateful you're my daughter ♪
#493
♪ More than anything ♪
#494
[song ends]
#495
[Sir Pentious] Aww, that was sweet.
#496
Okay, I can get you the meeting, but once you're in Heaven,
#497
I won't be able to go with you.
#498
Will you be okay?
#499
[Charlie] I'll be fine.
#500
That's my girl. [sighs]
#501
Good luck kiddo.
#502
This next part is going to be scary.
#503
-You ready? -I'm ready.
#504
'Cause you'll be with me.
#505
In spirit, right?
#506
In Heaven.
#507
Yay!
#508
[end credit music]
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