Home » Hazbin Hotel » S01E06 — Welcome to Heaven

Hazbin Hotel

Season 1, Episode 6 — Welcome to Heaven

#1
[opening title music]

#3
I have a light jacket, flak jacket and rain jacket.

#4
Wait. Does it rain in Heaven?

#6
Vaggie, we are only going to Heaven for a day.

#10
-What thing? -The thing with the... thing, um, fuck, gah, I'm such a bad liar.

#11
Vaggie, you're my partner. I need you there with me.

#12
[sighs] Fine.

#13
Yes!

#14
[huffs] Oh, fuck.

#15
[Niffty] You look messy! What happened to you?

#16
It's who happened to me.

#17
And the answer is everyone.

#18
Twice!

#19
Val had me working 16 hours straight on a fucking whim.

#20
The absolute dick bag.

#21
[explosion] Arghh! What the fuck is with that wall?

#22
What up, hoes! [laughs]

#23
Ho-Holy shit, Cherri Bomb? Long time no see, baby!

#24
Angie, ya bitch!

#25
You been texting me depressing shit all day,

#26
figured we could tear shit up like old times.

#27
It's been fuckin' forever!

#28
Here hold this.

#29
[Charlie] Ah! Oh my God, oh my God.

#30
[Vaggie] Nope, gimme that.

#31
I love seeing ya Cherri, [loud explosion]

#32
but I'm too tired. I need to pass out.

#33
Oho, you can sleep when you're double dead, fuckhead!

#34
Come on, what you really need is a recharge,

#35
a reinvigoration, a re--

#36
[Charlie] Responsible night on the town!

#37
That is a great idea.

#38
Hi, Charlie.

#39
That's my wall that you just blew up.

#40
It's so nice to meet one of Angel's friends.

#41
Aagh, he never brings anyone around!

#42
[Cherri Bomb snorts] Wonder why?

#43
Yeah, me too.

#44
Anyway, Angel and everyone else have been working so hard.

#45
I think they deserve to have a little fun.

#46
W-w-wait, they?

#47
Yeah. Hi, everyone!

#48
Angel and his friend are taking you all out

#49
for a night of fun and relaxation!

#50
Wait, I am only here for Ang...

#51
Ooh! never mind.

#52
Let's go!

#53
Make sure they have the best time tonight.

#54
Anyway the portal to Heaven should be opening right about...

#55
[screams with delight] now!

#56
[upbeat music]

#57
Bye!

#58
[spits]

#59
[Sir Pentious] Well, if it isn't my arch-nemesis!

#60
Have you come to meet your fate in battle, Cherri Bomb?

#61
Apparently, I'm going out with Angel and I got to drag your sorry asses along.

#62
[Sir Pentious] Oh, oh, you and me are going out back for fun?

#63
I, I didn't think this would ever happen.

#64
What? What do I do? What do I wear?

#65
Don't fucking touch me, you munted dickhead!

#66
[ethereal music]

#67
[Charlie] Vaggie, look at this place.

#68
Its soooo clean!

#69
Isn't that amazing?

#70
Yep. Super cool.

#71
Heaven.

#72
Wow.

#73
Hiya! Welcome to Heaven.

#74
Can I get your name, please?

#75
Oh! Uhhh, uh, uh, Charlie Morningstar!

#76
Charlie Morningstar. Hmm.

#77
[mumbles indistinctly]

#78
I'm not seeing you on my list here.

#79
That's so odd.

#80
Uh, um, my Dad got me this meeting, so maybe--

#81
[Peter] Oh, Dad! Okay!

#82
Try Lucifer Morning... star.

#83
Oh, fuck!

#84
Yeah. Hoooo, he he he.

#85
Yikes. Am I right?

#86
Are you sure you're in the right place?

#87
Because I think you might be a little lost.

#88
Oh, here we go.

#89
No, uh... we're, we're here for a meeting.

#90
[Sera] Saint Peter.

#91
We can take it from here.

#92
Greetings, daughter of the Morningstar.

#93
I am Sera, the High Seraphim of Heaven.

#94
[Emily squeals

#95
You are gifted to be here.

#96
Hi, I'm Emily, the other Seraphim.

#97
Though you can call me Em!

#98
Emmy, E, whatever you want.

#99
I go by whatever.

#100
[laughs] Welcome to Heaven.

#101
[church organ plays] Dearly beloved,

#102
it is my pleasure to say unto thee.

#103
[upbeat dance music] ♪ Welcome to Heaven ♪

#104
♪ Oh-oh, where the virtuous reside ♪

#105
♪ 24/7 oh-oh ♪

#106
♪ People are happy that they died ♪

#107
♪ 'Cause here we got no worries, got no burglaries ♪

#108
♪ No strife ♪

#109
♪ It's the perfect afterlife ♪

#110
♪ Welcome to Heaven oh- oh ♪

#111
♪ Check out our sick decor ♪

#112
♪ The spirits leaven, oh ♪

#113
♪ Please keep your brimstone off the floor ♪

#114
♪ We' ve got the best and brightest ♪

#115
♪ The politest of the lot ♪

#116
♪ And everyone is hot! ♪

#117
♪ Gosh, I'm so pleased to show some outsiders around ♪

#118
♪ After you see our realm ♪

#119
♪ You'll never want to go back down ♪

#120
♪ Of course it is just temporary ♪

#121
♪ I'm sorry you can't stay ♪

#122
♪ 'Cause every single day in Heaven is a happy day ♪

#123
♪ Welcome to Heaven ♪

#124
♪ Yeah! ♪

#125
[song ends] [pants]

#126
[slurps]

#127
Holy fucking shit balls.

#128
Am I seeing who I think I'm seeing?

#129
What is she doing here?

#130
[pensive music] How did she even get up here?

#131
Who cares? I'm handling this shit right now.

#132
Wait, you want to start a fight on the promenade in front of everyone?

#133
Better than waiting for the fucking extermination.

#134
[ssshhh]

#135
Sir,

#136
what was the Seraphim's one rule?

#137
Uuuuuugh, "no one but the exorcists can know about exterminations"

#138
I know, fine.

#139
[slurp]

#140
Don't fucking shush me, bitch.

#141
[Adam and Lute jump] You should listen to your lieutenant. Adam.

#142
Fuck, Sera!

#143
You can't sneak up on a guy like that. Jeez.

#144
Your Highness, forgive me, but what are the hell-spawn doing here?

#145
Well, you failed to control the demons unrest

#146
and now Lucifer is involved,

#147
setting up an audience for his misguided daughter.

#148
I never would have agreed to your... [Adam slurps]

#149
yearly activities if I thought it would bring trouble to our doorstep.

#150
Keeping Heaven safe was my only reason for allowing it.

#151
What do you want from me?

#152
I'm just one guy.

#153
I want you to do whatever you need to do

#154
to keep this problem from getting any worse.

#155
Are we clear?

#156
[sighs] Yeah.

#157
Got it.

#158
Okay. I love Heaven.

#159
Vaggie did you see the ice cream shop?

#160
[excitedly] They had sprinkles made of rainbows!

#161
Those are just rainbow sprinkles.

#162
Emily's going to take me to a zoo where all the animals are actually soft!

#163
You coming?

#164
Uh, I need a break.

#165
But hug a koala for me.

#166
O.M.G. Can you imagine an actual koala?

#167
Ahhh, see you later.

#168
Huh.

#169
[knock at door]

#170
[Adam] Hey there Vag-asaurus!

#171
Charlie will be back soon.

#172
You need to get out now.

#173
I'm not looking for the blonde, babe. I'm looking for you.

#174
Why?

#175
Maybe because you left the band.

#176
You tried for a solo career.

#177
Or I guess it's more of a...

#178
duet!

#179
I don't know what you're talking about.

#180
Do you really think I wouldn't recognize one of my top girls

#181
just cause you're out of uniform?

#182
[Adam] You were on the front lines.

#183
I wouldn't forget a bad bitch like you.

#184
It's why I named you after the best thing ever...

#185
Vaggie.

#186
Actually, it's pronounced Vaggie.

#187
Mmmmm no!

#188
Anyway, you sure fucked up, didn't you?

#189
[screaming] [frantic music]

#190
[Vaggie quietly] Go, run. Now!

#191
[spear clinks on ground] [Vaggie gasps]

#192
[Vaggie screams]

#193
[Lute] Sinful filth like you has no place in Heaven.

#194
[epic music] [Vaggie breathes deeply]

#195
[footsteps approach]

#196
[Adam] To think someone as worthless as you landed Lilith's little hottie.

#197
'Grats on that, I guess.

#198
Their love is vile and blasphemous.

#199
Hot as fuck though.

#200
But I wonder what your bitch would think if she found out

#201
you are actually one of us.

#202
Hmmm?

#203
What do you want?

#204
Simple. You work for me again and at the hearing you're going to help me

#205
shut this kindergarten snowflake bullshit down for good.

#206
Never.

#207
Oh, yeah You know, that's totally cool.

#208
[sinister music] I guess I'll just tell little miss butterflies and rainbows

#209
that she's been fucking someone who's killed thousands of her people.

#210
I'm sure your relationship will be fine.

#211
[happily] See you in court!

#212
[grandiose music]

#213
[strained] Oh no, not him again!

#214
[Adam] What up, baby?

#215
Saw that you went to my manager.

#216
Low blow Karen.

#217
[Sera] We are gathered here today to determine

#218
whether or not a soul in Hell,

#219
can be redeemed into the heavenly realm by means of this Hazbin Hotel.

#220
Princess Morningstar?

#221
[sigh] Thank you, Seraphim.

#222
[clears throat]

#223
Webster's Dictionary defines redemption as--

#224
[Adam] Objection, lame and unoriginal.

#225
Sustained.

#226
No further dictionary references please.

#227
Right, okay. Uh, uh... Uhhhh. Mmmm.

#228
If you have actual evidence, then show it already.

#229
We have a patron right now

#230
who is making incredible progress.

#231
-[Adam] Who? -Angel Dust.

#232
Oh, yeah. The porn demon.

#233
He's totally worth being redeemed. [blows raspberry]

#234
Well, if you know so much.

#235
What do you think it takes to get into Heaven?

#236
Ummm, w-w-well... Uhhhh.

#237
Is everything okay, Adam?

#238
Give me a fucking minute, okay?

#239
[muttering]

#240
"Act selfless, don't steal, stick it to the man."

#241
Are you fucking serious?

#242
Uh, yeah, sure got me here, didn't it? [laughs]

#243
Right, Sera?

#244
He was the first human soul in Heaven.

#245
Well, I bet Angel is doing all of those things right now!

#246
Then let's fucking see it, brah! [fingers snap]

#247
[wind howls]

#248
[Charlie] Your Honors, may I present exhibit A.

#249
[nightclub music]

#250
[Cherri] Woo! Isn't this place the fucking best?

#251
[Husk] I'll admit, "Consent" is a good name for a sex club.

#252
Niffty, dear, what are you doing?

#253
I'm sweeping! Urgh, look how icky it is in here!

#254
That's because we're at a club, dear.

#255
Oh! I thought the hotel looked different! [giggles]

#256
Ms. Bomb, I-I-I'd like to buy you a drink.

#257
Why? Didn't you say we're arch-rivals?

#258
Um... uh... because I'm buying everyone a drink!

#259
[cheering] [Patron] Free drinks! I love alcohol!

#260
Good, I need a drink after today.

#261
You know, Val, he's into this waterboarding shit now,

#262
I don't know, it's a kink.

#263
Angel, enough with the Val talk. He already ruined your whole day.

#264
Don't let him ruin your night, too.

#265
Here, take one of these and you won't be worrying about nothing.

#266
Here we go.

#267
Oh, look, the drunk sobered up long enough to judge us.

#268
I ain't the one trying to get into Heaven.

#269
Look, you want to fuck up all your progress?

#270
Be my guest.

#271
I just... [sighs]

#272
I just thought you were better than that.

#273
Thanks, Captain Buzzkill.

#274
Come on Angie, let's get fucked up! It's been too long.

#275
I, uhh, I don't know,

#276
it's been a long night, and I don't need to go too wild.

#277
Hmmm.

#278
Come on, bitch.

#279
If you've really been working that hard, you deserve a little R and R...

#280
and some THC, or maybe PCP with DMT.

#281
Aw fuck it, let's see where the night takes us, huh?

#282
I... I guess.

#283
Cherri, I bought you a shot.

#284
B-because I bought everyone another shot! Hooray! [laughs]

#285
[club goer] Yeah, another drink! I love alcohol!

#286
[gulping] Aah...fuck it, let's do it!

#287
[huffs]

#288
[Adam] Heavenly people, what more do you need to see?

#289
The porn star chose a night of debauchery.

#290
That's not a soul worthy of being in Heaven!

#291
Um, objection!

#292
Are you really telling me you've never had a drink with friends

#293
at the end of a hard day?

#294
Uh, we don't have hard days?

#295
It's fucking Heaven, bitch.

#296
You seriously going to sit there and pretend like this behavior is okay?

#297
What do you think?

#298
I-- I-- I have to go to the bathroom.

#299
What, Vaggie, can you hold it?!

#300
[groans] Angel will make good decisions.

#301
[light ethereal music] Come on, we have to keep watching.

#302
Please.

#303
[sighs] Yeah. I don't know.

#304
[Emily] Yeah, let's give him a chance.

#305
Very well.

#306
The court will allow it.

#307
[exclaims] Fuck, yes!

#308
I mean, heh, thank you.

#309
[dance music plays]

#310
Round twelve, mother fuckers!

#311
Heels are coming off!

#312
[Angel] Haha, Oh yeah, keep 'em comin'!

#313
Come on, right here, right to Daddy.

#314
[Sir Pentious] Oh, it's wonderful to have friends! [laughs]

#315
Everything's spinny, hehe.

#316
[Angel] Ha, I think you're done, tiny.

#317
No! Gimme gimme gimme!

#318
Oh, come on, bitch, she can handle a little more.

#319
She's like ten pounds soaking wet, and--

#320
oh shit, where'd she go?

#321
Hey, fuck! [glasses smashing]

#322
Dirty, dirty, make it clean !

#323
Dammit, Niffty.

#324
Sorry fellas, here, next one's on me.

#325
[fighting, arguing]

#326
Niffty?

#327
Shit!

#328
Chlorine... Bleach...

#329
Angie... the fuck are you doing?

#330
You're supposed to be relaxing, not playing nanny.

#331
Look, she ain't used to this scene.

#332
I just don't want her to end up in the gutter like I used to.

#333
Pfft, whatever, nerd.

#334
Just catch up when you're done.

#335
-[Niffty giggles] -[Angel] Stop!

#336
You can't take that.

#337
God, Niff, why are you bein' such a mess?!

#338
[sobs] I'm the mess?

#339
[bawls]

#340
Oh, oh shit! Hey, hey, hey... calm down, ya ain't a mess.

#341
It's fine... Ssshhh, hey, you wanna play with the kitty?

#342
[bawling stops]

#343
[Niffty] Yeah.

#344
[Husk] The fuck is this?

#345
She's wasted.

#346
Just go with it.

#347
Re-really?! Ugh, get the--

#348
Ahhh, hey, wow!

#349
Hey, so...

#350
I see the club has a sex room.

#351
So, I was thinking, maybe you'd want to, uhm...

#352
do ... a sex with me?

#353
[snort]

#354
I'm sorry, why would we have sex?

#355
Uh... uh... Um...

#356
because I'm having sex with everyone here!

#357
[cheering]

#358
[Pentious] Wait.

#359
-Get in here.

#360
[door slams]

#361
You know, we can do this fucking shit every fucking night.

#362
You don't have to spend all your off hours

#363
"working on yourself," you little bitch.

#364
The hotel isn't a problem in his life, it's--

#365
[Angel] Valentino.

#366
Exactly.

#367
So why don't you--

#368
No... Valentino.

#369
Yeah, I'm here all the time, they know me.

#370
You're gorgeous... do you need a job?

#371
How many dicks can you suck?

#372
[Valentino] Ooh, I could make you a star.

#373
[Angel] Let's get the fuck outta here. Ok.

#374
-Come on-- -[Valentino] Yeah, a star.

#375
Where's Niffty?

#376
[Valentino] Porn star.

#377
Okay, yup, bring me another drink

#378
or I'll fucking kill you.

#379
[Nifty] Bad boy. Hehehehe.

#380
[Valentino] I said I'll fucking kill you!

#381
Excuse me.

#382
-Pardon me. -[Valentino] And I will.

#383
Get out of my way.

#384
[Valentino] Holy shit, Angel Dust?

#385
What are you doing here, baby?

#386
You didn't get enough dick today?

#387
Funny.

#388
Who's this chiquita?

#389
You bringing me fresh meat?

#390
[Valentino] Oi!

#391
I just want a taste.

#392
Ehh, weird, but there's a kink for that, I'm sure!

#393
[Angel] Fuck off, Val.

#394
Excuse me?

#395
I said fuck off!

#396
I may have to put up with your bullshit,

#397
but you ain't fucking with any of my friends.

#398
You forget who you're talking to?

#399
I own you, bitch.

#400
Yeah, you do, in the studio,

#401
and you can do anything you want to me there,

#402
just like our deal says.

#403
But out here, I get to do what I want.

#404
So once again,

#405
fuck off!

#406
-[Angel coughs and splutters] -Enjoy the rest of your night, bitch,

#407
-[Angel breathes deeply] -[Valentino] because I'm going to enjoy

#408
making you pay for it tomorrow.

#409
-[sinister music] -[Cherri] Fucking dickhead.

#410
Fuck it.

#411
It was worth it.

#412
[Husk] Way to go, kid.

#413
Ow! What the fuck?!

#414
[Niffty chuckles] For my collection. Hehe.

#415
Wait up, guys!

#416
Did you just call these cunts your friends?

#417
Thought that was my job.

#418
There's room for everyone,

#419
[emotive music] and ya know...

#420
you could come crash with us too.

#421
Okay, look, Angie,

#422
I'm glad this hotel shit is workin' for you,

#423
but you know me, bitch,

#424
I'm doin' just fine.

#425
In fact, I'm gonna fuck the next guy I see, okay?

#426
But, if you need me,

#427
you know where to find me, yeah?

#428
[Pentious] [panting]

#429
Is Cherri still here?...

#430
[door slams]

#431
Dammit!

#432
[Charlie] See! He did everything on your checklist!

#433
He was selfless,

#434
he stopped Nifty from stealing,

#435
and he stuck it to that moth man!

#436
[Adam] Uhhh... Well, uh...

#437
Then, then why isn't he here then? Hm?

#438
Yeah, why isn't he here?

#439
[murmuring]

#440
[Charlie] Wait,

#441
none of you know what gets someone into Heaven?

#442
[Sera] This questioning stops now.

#443
We know when a soul arrives.

#444
We know when they pass divine judgment.

#445
It is our job to ensure

#446
these souls are safe.

#447
[Light music] [Emily] ♪ But she was right, Sera ♪

#448
♪ She showed us a soul can improve ♪

#449
♪ He saw the light, Sera ♪

#450
♪ Checked all the boxes that you said would ♪

#451
♪ Prove a person deserves a second chance ♪

#452
♪ Now we turn our backs, no second glance? ♪

#453
[Sera] ♪ It's not as simple as you think ♪

#454
♪ Not everything is spelled in ink ♪

#455
[song builds] [Charlie] ♪ It's not fair, Sera ♪

#456
[Vaggie] ♪ Careful Charlie keep a cool head ♪

#457
♪ No! Don't you care, Sera? ♪

#458
♪ That just because someone is dead ♪

#459
♪ It doesn't mean they can't resolve to change their ways ♪

#460
♪ Turn the page ♪

#461
♪ Escape infernal blaze ♪

#462
[Sera] ♪ I'm sure you wish it could be so ♪

#463
♪ But there's a lot that you don't know ♪

#464
[music gets more intense] [Lute] ♪ What are we even talking about? ♪

#465
♪ Some crack-whore who fucked up already ♪

#466
♪ He blew his shot like the cocks in his mouth ♪

#467
♪ This discussion is senseless and petty ♪

#468
[Lute and Adam together] ♪ There's no question to be posed ♪

#469
♪ He's unholy, case closed ♪

#470
♪ Did you forget that "Hell is forever"? ♪

#471
[Adam] ♪ A man only lives once ♪

#472
♪ We'll see you in one month ♪

#473
♪ Gotta say, I can't wait to-- ♪

#474
[Sera] Adam...

#475
♪ Come down and exterminate you! ♪

#476
-[Emily] ♪ Wait! ♪ -Adam] ♪ Shit ♪

#477
[Emily] ♪ What are you saying? ♪

#478
♪ Let me get this straight ♪

#479
♪ You go down there and kill those poor souls ♪

#480
-[Charlie] ♪ You didn't know? ♪ -[Adam] ♪ Whoops! ♪

#481
[Lute] ♪ Guess the cat's out of the bag ♪

#482
♪ What's the big deal? ♪

#483
♪ Sera, tell me that you didn't know ♪

#484
[Sera] ♪ I thought since I'm older ♪

#485
♪ It's my load to shoulder ♪

#486
-[Emily] No. -[Sera] ♪ You have to listen ♪

#487
♪ It was such a hard decision ♪

#488
♪ I wanted to save you the anguish it takes to ♪

#489
♪ Do what was required ♪

#490
♪ To think that I admired you ♪

#491
♪ Well, I don't need your condescension ♪

#492
♪ I'm not a child to protect ♪

#493
♪ Was talk of virtue just pretension? ♪

#494
♪ Was I too naive to expect you ♪

#495
♪ To heed the morals your purveying? ♪

#496
[Charlie] ♪ That's what the fuck I've been saying! ♪

#497
[Charlie and Emily] ♪ If Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie-- ♪

#498
[Sera] Emily!

#499
♪ If angels can do whatever and remain in the sky ♪

#500
♪ The rules are shades of gray when you don't do as you say ♪

#501
♪ When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again ♪

#502
[downbeat melodic singing] ♪ I was told not to trust in angels ♪

#503
[Adam] ♪ By her ♪

#504
[Lute] ♪ Hah, she should know ♪

#505
We should go.

#506
♪ No! Don't you see? ♪

#507
♪ We've come so close ♪

#508
♪ Look at them fighting ♪

#509
♪ They're at each other's throats ♪

#510
[Adam] ♪ Don't you act all high and mighty ♪

#511
♪ Did you ever think your little girlfriend might be a liar? ♪

#512
[Vaggie gently] ♪ Don't, Adam, please! ♪

#513
[Adam] ♪ What's the fuss? ♪

#514
♪ Why hide the fact that you're an angel ♪

#515
♪ Just like us? ♪

#516
[Epic music stings]

#517
[sinister sting]

#518
[Sera sighs and breathes deeply]

#519
I'm sorry... but this court finds that

#520
there is no evidence souls in Hell can be redeemed.

#521
[Adam] Oh, fuck yes! I win.

#522
Suck it, bitches.

#523
You better save the date cunts,

#524
because we're coming to your hotel...

#525
first! [sinister music builds]

#526
[Charlie gasps] What? No, no, you can't--

#527
[Vaggie] Oh, you motherfu-- [both scream]

#528
[Emily] Charlie! Don't give up on this!

#529
I'll figure something out. I promise.

#530
[Sera] That wasn't uncalled for, Adam.

#531
Yeah, but did you see the looks on their fucking faces? It was...

#532
Ahem... sorry.

#533
[Emily] Extermination... of human souls.

#534
Demon or not, there is no reason to be doing this.

#535
[Sera] They were uprising, Emily.

#536
It is my position as the Head Seraphim

#537
to protect our people at all costs,

#538
and it's your position

#539
to keep them happy and joyful.

#540
[Emily] How can I bring joy when I now know

#541
we are bringing misery to thousands of innocent people?

#542
Heaven needs us, Emily.

#543
Everyone looks to us

#544
and we can't doubt ourselves or worry

#545
about the fates of demons

#546
when we have our own souls to protect.

#547
Please, if you start to question,

#548
you could end up like Lucifer: Fallen.

#549
I couldn't bear to see you suffer that fate.

#550
So please, let me worry about this, okay?

#551
[kisses lightly]

#552
I'm sorry.

#553
[end credit music]

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