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Season 1, Episode 7 — Introduction to Statistics
#2
As you know,
#3
all faculty at Greendale
#4
are required to give
#5
extra credit
#6
to students who organize
#10
No student
#11
in any department
#13
until now.
#14
[CHUCKLES]
#15
Tonight, in the library,
#16
I will be hosting
#19
Día de los Muertos,
#20
or Day of the Dead,
#21
is sometimes referred to
#22
as Mexican Halloween.
#24
to people
#26
as a sexual position.
#28
you get extra credit.
#30
See you tonight.
#32
[ALL SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
#33
Um...
#34
Most of you responded
#35
to my e-vite,
#36
but some of you
#37
remain evasive, so...
#38
Count me in.
#40
I got some tequila,
#42
the Rise of Taj, and look.
#44
My husband's been gone
#45
for six months.
#46
I think it's time for me
#47
to embrace being single.
#48
Message received.
#49
I'm waiting to hear
#50
from Jeff and Pierce.
#53
Access e-mail.
#54
You're not going
#55
to Annie's party?
#56
Oh, it conflicts
#60
It's like I'm my mother.
#61
VOICE [ON PHONE]:
#62
Calling mother.
#63
What?
#64
Speaking of enjoying life,
#65
I don't wanna beat
#66
a dead horse,
#68
anything non-platonic
#70
I'm sure.
#71
Good. One of my professors
#72
is really hot.
#73
And I wanted to give you
#74
first right of refusal.
#75
WOMAN [OVER SPEAKERPHONE]:
#76
Hello? Pierce?
#78
How's school going?
#79
Are you popular?
#81
right now.
#82
[STAMMERING]
#83
Wrong number.
#84
Has that boy Jeff
#85
stopped teasing you?
#87
[THUDDING]
#88
I saw your father's ghost
#89
again.
#90
He's still angry.
#92
PLAYING]
#93
♪ Give me some more
#94
Time in a dream ♪
#95
♪ Give me the hope
#96
To run out of steam ♪
#97
♪ Somebody said
#98
It can be here ♪
#99
♪ We could be roped up
#100
Tied up dead in a year ♪
#101
♪ I can't count the reasons
#102
I should stay ♪
#103
♪ One by one they all
#104
Just fade away ♪
#105
The Bernoulli Distribution
#106
is the number of successes
#107
in a sequence of
#109
Okay. For the quiz, Monday
#112
Bernoulli's one of
#113
my favorites.
#115
were not his only love.
#117
used on meat and poultry.
#118
That's béarnaise.
#119
We may need to settle this
#120
at a restaurant.
#121
That's cute.
#122
A little aggressive.
#123
But as a busy,
#125
I'm attracted to men
#126
who take charge.
#127
Are you being sarcastic
#128
or am I nailing it?
#129
You were nailing it
#130
until you had to ask.
#131
Oh, damn it.
#132
Starting over.
#134
I'd like to, Mr. Winger.
#137
to know I'd never feel
#139
Thank you.
#140
Only problem,
#141
I don't date students.
#142
[♪♪♪]
#143
JEFF:
#145
Oh. Hey. Awkward.
#146
How small is this campus?
#147
Bastard.
#149
It's disgusting
#150
the way men behave.
#152
Heigl movie poster,
#153
where Gerard Butler
#157
I don't care what Jeff does.
#159
I'm barely a student.
#160
I'm older than you,
#161
I drive a Lexus.
#165
It's uncanny
#166
how many of my buttons
#167
you're finding,
#168
but I have a personal rule
#169
about this and I stick to it.
#171
I can change your mind.
#172
I know you can.
#173
That's why you're not
#174
getting the chance.
#175
Ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo.
#176
Are you coming to my party?
#177
I'm definitely gonna try
#178
to swing by.
#179
Then I can mark you down
#180
as definitely being there
#181
from 7:00 sharp
#182
until question mark?
#186
do you understand?
#187
I am being assertive,
#190
Are you trying to get
#191
formidable with me?
#193
Infomercials work on Pierce.
#195
If you show up, it will be
#196
the first party I host
#197
where everyone doesn't say
#199
for the news.
#201
This won't work.
#202
The last time you did this,
#203
I saved a vial of your tears.
#204
And I've been slowly
#205
building up an immunity.
#206
I was so unpopular
#207
in high school,
#208
the crossing guard
#211
at being hip, cool,
#212
laid-back.
#214
Thank you.
#215
I'm putting you down
#216
for two bags of ice
#218
[♪♪♪]
#219
Taking a pill?
#221
"Xenolovaden."
#224
Fantastic.
#232
Heard stories about it.
#234
with no pants on,
#235
which in the Gaza Strip
#238
be careful.
#239
Look, I really don't need
#240
your advice,
#241
and I'm not your pantsless
#242
grandpa.
#243
"Pantsless grandpa."
#244
[LAUGHS]
#245
[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING
#246
OVER SPEAKERS]
#247
ANNIE:
#248
Scary.
#249
You look great.
#250
Hi.
#251
Britta,
#253
Thank you.
#255
as an excuse
#256
to dress up like sluts,
#257
you know?
#258
Yeah.
#259
Okay, everyone.
#260
I think we can begin.
#261
I've got everyone's
#263
por tradición.
#264
And, in a few minutes
#265
we're going to start
#266
the Dance of the Dead,
#267
La Danza de los Muertos.
#268
You don't have to keep
#269
doing that.
#270
Party on.
#271
Nice of you to be here,
#273
with your hot professor.
#274
It's funny.
#280
CHANG:
#281
Professor Slater?
#282
She's not grading papers.
#284
Oh, look.
#286
Are you saying
#287
my people are sneaky?
#288
What?
#291
on the horizon.
#295
Hey. Can I ask you something
#296
I always wanted to ask
#298
Yeah.
#299
Am I good-looking?
#301
young man.
#302
I knew it.
#306
I am the Beastmaster.
#308
What rock
#310
What are you going as?
#311
A gay douche bag?
#313
Nice one.
#315
You're not much of
#317
Oh. Body blow.
#318
Is that liquor?
#319
[IN ENGLISH ACCENT]
#320
Hello.
#321
Here's your drinks, mates.
#322
JEFF:
#324
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
#325
I'm Harry Potter.
#327
What up, Urkel?
#328
[♪♪♪]
#329
[TOILET FLUSHES]
#331
Oh!
#332
All right.
#333
What are you taking?
#334
Huh? Oh.
#335
You know,
#336
the usual cool stuff.
#337
I've got 'ludes, dreamers,
#338
Johnny Boys.
#341
I don't know,
#342
Star-Burns, I'm--
#344
with the Beastmaster.
#345
Hey. Who said you weren't?
#346
Saddle up, fruit pie.
#348
May I?
#349
Here, take this.
#350
Give anyone that shows up
#351
their stupid credit.
#353
Make me your plus one.
#354
Give it up, Winger.
#355
Professor Slater
#356
doesn't date students.
#357
Or married Asians
#358
who drive mopeds.
#359
I'll give you 20 bucks.
#360
I'll bring the hog around.
#361
Okay, it's time
#362
for the Dance of the Dead.
#363
Everyone form a circle.
#364
Lights. Music.
#365
Is it under genre
#367
Hey, man,
#371
What did you slip me, man?
#372
My heart stopped racing
#373
and I can't pee.
#374
Now, for the first dance,
#377
Jeff Winger?
#378
[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING
#379
OVER SPEAKERS]
#380
Jeff?
#381
Where's Jeff?
#382
Please slow down.
#385
JEFF:
#386
Watch it!
#387
Is Jeff gone?
#388
You know, I'm gonna go.
#390
News.
#391
He just stepped out.
#393
He's going to
#394
the faculty party.
#397
No, it's not about her,
#398
Shirley.
#399
I can't believe that Jeff
#400
would do this to Annie.
#401
Yes, absolutely,
#402
it's about Annie.
#403
We should go find
#404
that bitch's car
#405
and snap off her antenna.
#406
It's like high school
#407
all over again.
#408
Everyone's leaving.
#409
Not me.
#411
I love you.
#412
[CHATTERING]
#413
[BIG-BAND MUSIC PLAYING
#414
OVER SPEAKERS]
#416
What are you doing here?
#418
I have to admit,
#420
I may or may not
#421
have been deflowered
#422
by a junior rodeo champion.
#423
You remind me
#424
of my first time too.
#425
You lost your virginity
#426
to Robin Hood?
#428
at a party.
#429
We seem destined
#430
to repeat history.
#431
I told you, no students.
#432
It's unseemly.
#433
I go out with you,
#434
you tell your friends.
#435
What friends?
#436
I have no friends.
#437
I hate everyone here
#438
but you.
#440
What are you doing here?
#442
You should be over
#443
at the library with Annie.
#446
a costume guy.
#447
Had to have one to get in,
#448
squirrel.
#452
I don't know
#453
what you're getting at.
#456
And it is tight too.
#459
I'd say yes.
#460
Hi, Michelle Slater, PhD.
#461
Britta Perry, GED.
#462
Oh, are you a classmate
#463
of Jeff's?
#464
When you say classmate,
#465
it sounds like
#466
we take naps together
#467
and eat paste.
#468
What's great about
#469
community college is
#470
is that a lot of the students
#472
Jeff, you must return
#473
to Annie's party.
#474
She's feeling unpopular.
#476
and he is tripping balls.
#477
He's touching people
#478
and dancing weird.
#479
It's like Grumpy Old Men,
#480
but not hilarious.
#483
You're all being unseemly.
#486
Why is Urkel ripping
#487
the antenna
#488
off Professor Slater's car?
#489
[CROWD GASPS]
#490
That's right,
#493
you steal Jeff
#494
from a good woman.
#495
[CROWD GASPS]
#496
No, Abed.
#497
[LAUGHING]
#498
[PIERCE MUMBLING
#499
INDISTINCTLY]
#500
[MEOWING]
#502
Yeah.
#503
Enough.
#507
Abed, you're not Batman.
#508
Pierce, Pierce, Pierce.
#510
Studies department.
#512
I'm old?
#513
What do you mean old?
#514
Whose hands are these?
#515
[GROANING]
#517
Way to go.
#521
She's pretty hot.
#522
Well, where were we,
#523
little doggie?
#525
Yeah, crap.
#526
[THUDDING
#527
AND GLASS BREAKING]
#528
BRITTA:
#529
Shirley?
#530
[GRUNTING]
#531
Shirley?
#532
This is Professor
#533
Robin Hood's office.
#537
Why?
#538
To teach that long neck,
#539
weave-having bank teller
#540
she can't steal another
#541
woman's man, that's why.
#542
Uh...
#543
I have a confession to make.
#544
I think some
#545
of what I just said
#546
may have more to do
#547
with my situation.
#548
Yeah, the long neck,
#549
weave-having bank teller
#550
didn't feel universal.
#551
My ex-husband
#552
came by this morning,
#553
and he asked
#554
for his ring back.
#555
It was his mother's,
#556
and he wants to give it
#557
to his new girlfriend.
#558
Shirley, that sucks.
#559
The best thing that ever
#561
I just always thought
#562
he'd come crawling back,
#563
and I'd get to tell him
#564
to go to hell.
#565
[CRYING]
#566
He couldn't even
#567
give me that.
#568
You know what the crazy
#569
thing is?
#571
It's like I was too proud
#572
to admit I was hurt,
#573
so I had to pretend
#574
that you were.
#575
I totally get that.
#576
I feel better now.
#577
Let's go check on Annie.
#578
Can you believe
#581
I bet she's nice.
#582
BRITTA:
#583
Yeah.
#584
Nice and pretentious.
#585
[DISTORTED FOLK MUSIC
#586
PLAYING]
#587
Pierce, are you okay?
#588
[LAUGHING
#589
IN DISTORTED VOICE]
#590
Hey, man, what's going on?
#592
Just relax. Relax, man.
#593
Just relax, okay?
#594
JEFF:
#597
You're going to die.
#598
JEFF:
#600
Tell me about The Beatles,
#601
Pierce.
#602
Tell me about Woodstock
#603
and sputnik, Pierce.
#604
[YELLS]
#605
[LAUGHING]
#606
[CRYING]
#607
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING
#608
OVER SPEAKERS]
#609
Do I feel a breeze here?
#610
Because someone
#611
just struck out.
#613
Chang.
#614
Is that what you have
#615
to fall back on?
#616
Look at me, bro.
#617
Look at me.
#618
I've got the body
#619
of a fifth grader, okay?
#620
If I was working
#621
with what you've got,
#622
she'd be at the Comfort Inn
#623
right now
#624
giving me
#625
a Mexican Halloween.
#626
It's this campus.
#627
It feeds on my coolness.
#628
I got no moves anymore.
#629
Moves?
#630
Everything's a game
#631
to guys like you.
#632
I know one move I bet
#634
What is it?
#635
Please sleep with me.
#636
Please.
#637
Pretty please.
#638
I'm so lonely.
#639
I haven't slept with anyone
#640
in a very long time,
#641
and you're so good-looking.
#642
Please do me the favor
#643
of having sex with me.
#645
and promise
#647
I promise. I promise.
#649
Everybody stay out
#650
of the library.
#651
Pierce, it's okay.
#652
Come out of there.
#653
PIERCE:
#654
No, I'm not ready to die.
#656
You're not gonna die.
#657
Look at me.
#658
Just keep walking.
#659
Don't make eye contact.
#660
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.
#661
Pierce is freaking out.
#662
You're the only one
#663
that can help.
#665
PIERCE: Is Jeff there?
#671
I can't believe
#672
I'm doing this.
#673
I, uh...
#675
good night.
#677
guardian for these people?
#678
No. Um...
#679
They're my classmates.
#680
Good night, Jeff.
#681
CHANG:
#682
Loser!
#683
[♪♪♪]
#684
What in the Pink Floyd?
#688
Is that a death
#689
befitting a beastmaster?
#691
I never saw Beastmaster,
#692
I just wanted to be cool.
#694
[♪♪♪]
#701
we get what we pay for,
#702
don't we?
#703
I'm old, Jeff.
#704
Pierce, I don't know how
#706
but I know
#707
in the last two months,
#708
you've probably doubled
#709
the national average
#710
for amount of life lived
#711
per lifetime.
#712
Well, I do have a young
#713
African-American friend.
#714
Yeah, and more importantly,
#716
in a desk fort that you built
#717
during a bad trip.
#718
If life is just a series
#719
of ridiculous attempts
#720
to be alive,
#721
you're a hero to everything
#722
that's ever lived.
#724
Yeah.
#725
Yeah.
#726
[RUMBLING]
#727
[ALL GASP]
#728
[♪♪♪]
#729
Batman?
#731
Yeah.
#732
Are you staying
#733
for the party?
#734
If I stay,
#736
I must be out there
#737
in the night,
#738
staying vigilant.
#739
Wherever a party needs
#740
to be saved, I'm there.
#741
Wherever there are masks,
#742
wherever there's tomfoolery
#743
and joy,
#744
I'm there.
#745
But sometimes I'm not
#747
staying vigilant, watching.
#748
Lurking, running, jumping,
#749
hurdling, sleeping.
#750
No, I can't sleep.
#751
You sleep. I'm awake.
#753
Am I a bird? No.
#754
I'm a bat.
#755
I am Batman.
#756
Or am I?
#757
Yes, I am Batman.
#758
Happy Halloween.
#759
[IMITATING YODA]
#760
I'm Batman.
#762
[IN DEEP VOICE] I'm Batman.
#763
[IN DEEP VOICE]
#764
That's Batman.
#765
Candy corn
#767
Yeah, it sure does.
#768
At, like, a candy
#769
traffic school.
#772
Look out.
#773
We driving.
#774
Yeah, but you keep wanting
#775
to eat yourself.
#776
All day.
#778
What is?
#779
If I ever, like,
#780
woke up as a doughnut.
#781
You would eat yourself.
#783
Mm. That would be tasty.
#786
Yeah.
#787
Yeah.
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