Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S16E05 — Celebrity Booze - The Ultimate Cash Grab

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 16, Episode 5 — Celebrity Booze - The Ultimate Cash Grab

#1
♪ ♪

#2
[Chet] In other news, Tinseltown is coming to Philadelphia.

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Hollywood stars Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul are here

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promoting their alcohol brand, Dos Hombres.

#5
[reporter] Hey, Bryan, how does it feel to be the kingpin of mezcal?

#6
Oh, no, no. No, no. Don't-don't put that on me.

#7
No, I'm just a simple actor.

#8
This, this is the man,

#9
-the brains behind the whole operation. -No.

#10
-No, no, no. -Yeah, it is.

#11
[Aaron] It's a team effort.

#12
Wow. Hollywood celebrities right here in Philly, huh?

#13
-I don't love it. I mean, -Yeah.

#14
why can't they stay in their lane?

#15
Why do they have into come into our lane?

#16
The celebrity booze thing's a little out of control.

#17
It's a total sellout. I mean, a complete cash grab.

#18
Any idiot could take a bottle of booze,

#19
slap a celebrity's face on it and-and make a fortune.

#20
-I mean, we could do it if we wanted. -Oh, we know more about booze

#21
-than these two guys, probably. -Are you kidding me?

#22
Look, yeah, is there an opportunity

#23
for us to create a booze of our own, right?

#24
And go pitch those guys? Yeah, of course there is.

#25
-It would be so easy. -Yeah. -It would be so easy, you know?

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And could we do something like that?

#27
-Also, yes. Absolutely. -Yes. Yes.

#28
-Of course, we could, you know. -But I mean,

#29
are we gonna go do something like that?

#30
-Yes, we're gonna do that, yeah. -Of course we are, yes. -I think we should.

#31
-I think we should. -It's already happening.

#32
♪ ♪

#33
Okay, guys, I think we can all agree we need to

#34
come up with a brand that is representative

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of who we are as people and as businessmen.

#36
Now I ask you guys this: what's the first word

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that comes to your mind when you are trying to describe us?

#38
-Premium. -Mm, I was gonna say that, dude. -Premium.

#39
-I was gonna say premium. -You were gonna say that, too?

#40
-[Mac] Yeah. -And look, hey.

#41
Listen, man, you're spot-on. Premium.

#42
Yes, our brand will, of course, be a premium brand.

#43
Now, what is the most premium alcohol ever invented?

#44
-Goldschläger. -Goldschläger. Yeah.

#45
Goldschläger. All right, hey!

#46
We're all on the same page here.

#47
-Yeah, we think-- -This is good, I like this. Okay, yeah.

#48
Swiss cinnamon schnapps liqueur

#49
with drinkable flakes of gold floating in it.

#50
My God, what's more premium than that?

#51
-Yeah, nothing. -Nothing, right?

#52
Here's a pitch. Okay, I can get a bunch of nickels

#53
and I could smash them up and put them into a 'schläger.

#54
Right? We call it Nickelschläger,

#55
and we pitch it as, like, the working man's spirit.

#56
And, you know, nickels are, they're easy to find

#57
and, uh, just as shiny.

#58
Well, that sounds disgusting, and, uh,

#59
-potentially dangerous as well. -Yeah, I'm-a try it, though.

#60
Listen, I think I've pinpointed a small market trend

#61
that we could corner but that could

#62
also totally represent us.

#63
I'm talking about a blend.

#64
A blend?

#65
-Oh. Blends. -Yes. Blends, blends.

#66
-Blends! -Yes.

#67
Blends are very popular these days.

#68
Wine blends, whiskey blends, you know?

#69
So let me ask you this:

#70
what is the second-classiest drink in the world?

#71
-Jägermeister. Yes. -Jägermeister. Yeah, yeah. -Jägermeister.

#72
-Jägermeister, yeah. -Amazing, yes.

#73
It's the 'meisters and the,

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and the 'schlägers and the schnapps.

#75
I mean, those are the drinks that make people feel high-end,

#76
you know, like they're on a European ski adventure, right?

#77
-[all laugh] -Yeah, it's true. -Yeah.

#78
Those drinks that make people feel premium, you know?

#79
So I say we do a blend of all the most premium drinks.

#80
We put them all together, and we make one drink

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called Paddy's SchlägerSchnappsterMeister.

#82
-That's brilliant. -That's so smart.

#83
-Well, because it-it blends them -Dude, that is really smart. It's fun.

#84
-all together, like you said. -Who's thought of that?

#85
-It's a lot of fun, right? -It's elegant.

#86
It definitely feels like you're in Switzerland or something.

#87
-Yeah, yeah. -Great, so you guys get it, okay. Great.

#88
So I-I'm so glad we're on the same page with this.

#89
So, here's the thing. All we got to do

#90
is get those celebrity guys' blessing and boom--

#91
we are off to the races, we're gonna be rich men, but

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I don't think we should approach them

#93
without being fully funded first.

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So our first test is gonna be landing a big fish

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who can finance this whole operation.

#96
and I know just the guy.

#97
[chuckles]

#98
-[phone vibrating] -♪ I want money ♪

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♪ Lots and lots. ♪

#100
-Yo. -[Dennis] Yo, Frank,

#101
I got you on speakerphone with, uh, Mac and Charlie.

#102
-Where are you right now? -I'm in the sky.

#103
-In the sky? -What?

#104
[Dee] That's right, dicknips.

#105
We're in the sky on a private plane

#106
-on the way to Aruba. -[Charlie] What the hell, Frank?

#107
-Why you taking Dee? -[Dee] Um, because

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I'm more glamorous than you guys.

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Frank recognizes that and so he invited me.

#110
I was on my way to the jet,

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she overheard me talking about the flight

#112
-and she glommed on. -Yeah, you know what? We don't care.

#113
Uh, Frank, we have a business proposition for you, pal.

#114
Frank, how would you like to invest

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in a celebrity alcohol brand?

#116
No, I don't know about that.

#117
I-I once had Greg Louganis

#118
as the face of my apricot brand in the '80s.

#119
But when he cracked his noggin at the Olympics,

#120
the business took a nosedive with him.

#121
Okay, well, we're talking about

#122
a much bigger celebrity than that, okay?

#123
We're talking about a household name here.

#124
Have you ever hear of a little show called

#125
Malcolm in the Middle?

#126
Have I? Changed the game.

#127
-Changed the game, Frank. -That it did. That it did. -[Mac] Yes. Yes.

#128
-It did change the game. -That it did. One of the greatest shows of all time.

#129
Well, listen, the dad from that show is in town

#130
and we're gonna be pitching him tonight.

#131
And Malcolm. He's here, too, although he's all grown up now,

#132
-so you might not recognize him. -Yeah.

#133
Dang, that sounds pretty glamorous.

#134
-I'd like to hang with celebs. -Shut up, Dee.

#135
-[Dennis] Shut up, Dee. -[Charlie] Oh, God, shut up, Dee.

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[Mac] Shut your mouth or I will shut it for you!

#137
When you get back, Mac's gonna shut it for you!

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We're gonna shut your mouth and we're gonna sew your lips shut!

#139
-[Charlie] Just shut up. -Shut up!

#140
-Shut up! -All right, well-well,

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you know, if you can get, uh, Malcolm and his dad

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on the hook, bring them to me at the jet.

#143
When I land, we'll talk shop.

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-[Mac] Oh, good. -[Charlie] Nice, dude.

#145
-Big fish landed! -All right!

#146
How are they gonna bring them to Aruba?

#147
We were never going to Aruba. We're circling Philly.

#148
Oh, my God. There's The Linc!

#149
What the hell, Frank? Why are we circling Philly?

#150
I got to put enough miles on the jet

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to make it look like I went to Aruba and back.

#152
It's a tax thing.

#153
Then why don't we just go to Aruba and back?

#154
Wouldn't that make more sense?

#155
I have things to do in Philly.

#156
But I don't want to circle Philly for hours.

#157
Hey, look, first you nag me to get on the plane,

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now you're nagging me to get off.

#159
Just-- No dice.

#160
-We're circling Philly. -Oh, goddamn it.

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♪ I want money, lots and lots of money... ♪

#162
It is popping off in there, man. It is popping off.

#163
Actually, Charlie, I would also love for you

#164
-to pop off that hat. -No, dude, you said dress nice.

#165
I want to be able to tip my cap to these guys

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-when I meet them. -Yeah, but you look like a limo driver.

#167
-Whatever, dude. I look good, man. -[sighs]

#168
You guys want to hit some of this, too, by the way?

#169
-The hell is that? -It's Nickelschläger, man.

#170
It's delicious. I've been drinking it all day.

#171
Throw that shit out. Do not bring that up in the pitch.

#172
-I'm gonna pitch it. -Dude, do not-- Don't--

#173
Oh, goddamn it.

#174
-[scanner beeps] -Oh.

#175
-Over here, sir. -Okay, you know what? That might have been this.

#176
Uh, here, I'll give it to you, I guess. Uh, don't mind me.

#177
-Anything in your pockets, sir? -No, no, I'm good.

#178
-I'm good, I sh-- -[device beeping]

#179
Uh...

#180
Guys, why is it going off on my stomach?

#181
Because you have a belly full of nickels.

#182
Oh, right. Shit. Okay, you know what? Um...

#183
I'll make myself throw up and then I'll get--

#184
Should I throw up here or, uh...

#185
All right, I'm gonna go outside

#186
and-and I'll meet you guys back in.

#187
-[scanner beeps] -Great.

#188
Good riddance. He looks ridiculous anyway.

#189
Yeah, well, you don't look that much better, pal.

#190
I mean, what-what, what is going on with that suit?

#191
Oh, I'm going for a "Jordan in the '90s" look.

#192
I mean, who's more premium than MJ, right?

#193
Now, I'm thinking that I go pitch a fashion line

#194
and sort of expand

#195
-into a lifestyle brand. -No, don't do that.

#196
Okay? Let's just-- Uh, can we stick with the one thing?

#197
-Just stick with the one thing, please. -They're celebrities.

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-They're gonna get the look. -I know they're celebrities.

#199
I'm not saying they're not celebrities. I'm saying--

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Do you know who Michael Jordan is?

#201
-Yes, I know who-- -Then why are you

#202
-fighting me about this? -Can we just go get in the meet-and-greet line?

#203
It's already getting long as shit. Come on.

#204
-[cackles] -Frank.

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-Frank! -What?

#206
How much longer?

#207
-Three hours. -Oh, my God.

#208
Can I watch what you're watching?

#209
'Cause the Wi-Fi is not strong enough

#210
for me to watch anything.

#211
You should have downloaded movies, then.

#212
I mean, I also have to go to the bathroom.

#213
Well, that's not good. Bathroom on the plane is busted.

#214
-W-What? -Yeah, but you can use the emergency can.

#215
Where's the emergency can?

#216
-You're sitting on it. -What? Wh--

#217
You just pull that cushion up and, uh, get that

#218
privacy screen over there.

#219
Is it a number one or a number two?

#220
It's a number one.

#221
Eh, let 'er rip.

#222
It's still gonna go out in the air anyway.

#223
Are you sure you don't have any food anywhere?

#224
Why don't you sniff around back there?

#225
What's this?

#226
-What's that? -There's a can of something.

#227
Oh, that's an old can of oysters from another flight.

#228
-A can of oysters? -Yeah, go ahead, have them.

#229
Ugh, goddamn it.

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[Dennis] All right, all right.

#231
-Getting pretty close here. -Okay, now,

#232
just go with me here, Dennis.

#233
I want you to picture it, all right?

#234
It's a whole lifestyle ecosystem.

#235
-No-- -With booze and suits

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and apps that link you to personal trainers

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who make you look good in the suits. Premium.

#238
-Dude, this is what I'm saying. -No, listen, can we please,

#239
please, please just stick with the blend?

#240
-Stick with the blend. -This is a blend of ideas.

#241
Yes, but it's a blend of too many ideas. I don't even

#242
know what you're talking about half the time.

#243
-I'm talking about branding, bro, it's branding. -I know what you're--

#244
You know what, actually, you just keep

#245
your mouth shut the whole time.

#246
Just keep your mouth shut, I'll do the talking.

#247
We do the firm handshake, right? 'Cause that's essential

#248
to setting tone for a good pitch.

#249
Got to have a firm handshake. And then that's it.

#250
I do the talking, and don't say a goddamn thing

#251
about booze and suits and apps.

#252
-Here we go. -Oh, okay.

#253
-Thank you. -Thanks, ladies. -Thank you so much.

#254
-Uh, all right. Come on, guys. -[Dennis] All right.

#255
-Okay, here we go. -Hey, there, fellas. -Hey.

#256
Hi, uh, hello to you, kind sirs.

#257
-[chuckles] -Let's do a...

#258
-Oh, uh... -No.

#259
No, I'm sorry, we-we don't shake hands. So...

#260
Uh, well, that kind of throws off my whole thing.

#261
I think-- We can't kick this off without a firm handshake.

#262
-Why don't you just-- -I really don't mind shaking his hand.

#263
How many times do we have to go through this?

#264
-We're not shaking hands. -We're not shaking hands.

#265
-We don't know these people. -Don't know you.

#266
-Sorry. -Oh.

#267
Wow, look at that suit.

#268
-Yeah. Look at that. -I love that.

#269
I'm not supposed to talk.

#270
-[Dennis] I didn't say-- I didn't say-- -I'm not supposed to, either.

#271
Oh-- Come on, let's get this going.

#272
-He's-he's kidding. He's kidding. -Uh, yeah, so-so...

#273
-He's kidding. -Oh, yes. He, uh, just...

#274
-Yeah, but-- -Come on, everybody say, "Dos Hombres."

#275
-Oh, uh... -[all] Dos Hombres!

#276
-All right, you can get -Thanks so much. -Yeah, so, we have a--

#277
the photos with the QR code that way.

#278
-There you go. -No, I don't need a photo.

#279
Actually, I-I just wanted to pitch you--

#280
-I-- -All right, hey. All right.

#281
What just happened?

#282
You blew it, dude. You choked.

#283
I didn't choke, no. It was... Malcolm.

#284
He was throwing me a weird vibe.

#285
-Yeah. He's very aggressive. -He's super aggressive.

#286
He's, like, he's, like the alpha dog, dude.

#287
-I didn't like that. -Malcolm's not in the middle.

#288
-He's on top. -He's on top.

#289
-Shit. -You know what, let's-let's get back in the line.

#290
[coughing]

#291
Oh. Hey.

#292
Hey.

#293
Hey, buddy. [clears throat]

#294
Hey, can I ask you something really quick?

#295
-Yeah, sure, man. What's up? -Uh, hey, listen,

#296
I've been throwing up for a little bit.

#297
Ugh, dude, sorry.

#298
Yeah, I-I actually kind of can't stop.

#299
I think I'm having a reaction to the metals.

#300
But, uh, my real problem is, like,

#301
no matter how much I hurl, like, the nickels

#302
-keep coming out. -Nickels?

#303
Oh, yeah, it's a 'schläger play I got going.

#304
So, hey, look, can you do me a favor?

#305
On my next hurl, you know, do you--

#306
could you see if you see any loose change in there, you know?

#307
'Cause, like, I-I really got to get a extra set of eyes on this.

#308
-I can't help you. All right? I-I'm waiting for somebody. -Please, please.

#309
-Sir, I'm begging you, please. -It's not happening.

#310
Listen, man, I can't help, all right?

#311
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!

#312
What the hell?!

#313
-Damn it! -Oh! Hey.

#314
-Hey, man, hey, hey. -Come here.

#315
Come here. Look at this. Look at this.

#316
-Okay. Yes, sir. -Look at this.

#317
They're gonna ding me for the cleaning fee.

#318
-All right? -Ah, yeah, look at that.

#319
Peace and love, peace and love.

#320
-Damn it! -I'm sorry! Hey, hey.

#321
-Just say by my car. Stay by my car -Hey, hey.

#322
-Hey, hey! -and watch this, I got to figure this out.

#323
-Get by the car. -Okay, okay, okay.

#324
I got your car. I'll watch your car.

#325
Yeah. [coughs]

#326
[grunts] He was a big boy.

#327
-Jesus. [coughing] -Damn it.

#328
[Charlie groans]

#329
Hey, man, are you the Dos Hombres driver?

#330
Who?

#331
You know, the Malcolm in the Middle guys.

#332
Yes, I am.

#333
Come on, come on.

#334
The dad did like my suit.

#335
Would you shut up about the dad and the suit?

#336
-Thank you very much. -[Dennis] What are they doing?

#337
-Oh, great. Okay. -[Dennis] Damn it.

#338
They're wrapping things up.

#339
That's great. We blew it.

#340
We totally blew our one shot. Goddamn it.

#341
Hey, I think I just saw Jalen Hurts.

#342
-What? Seriously? Where? -Yeah.

#343
Dude, he just went into the bathroom.

#344
I'm sure that was him.

#345
Okay, uh, listen. We're gonna pivot, all right?

#346
I mean, Jalen's a better fit for our Philly-based brand anyway,

#347
-don't you think? -Yeah.

#348
-Let's go talk to Jalen. -Let's get Jalen.

#349
Come on, let's go.

#350
-[urinating] -Jalen. -Yeah,

#351
so, hey, listen, uh, I know this is a little weird,

#352
us bum-rushing you in the bathroom like this, but, uh...

#353
You always were good against the rush.

#354
[laughs] Now, that is true. You are good against the ru--

#355
Now, you're not gonna get away from us, though. [laughs]

#356
We gotcha.

#357
That was a joke. Um...

#358
[urinating continuing]

#359
Okay, uh, well, listen, uh, we-we just, uh,

#360
we wanted to pitch you

#361
a-a really great business opportunity.

#362
Yes, now imagine this lifestyle:

#363
you're on a Caribbean island in an ill-fitting suit.

#364
No, no, st-- no, uh, Jalen, we're not-not here to...

#365
-pitch you a lifestyle. -[toilet flushes]

#366
-Gritty? -Wait...

#367
-What the hell is this? -Wh-- I...

#368
I thought you said Jalen Hurts came in here.

#369
Is he in one of the other stalls?

#370
I don't know, I must have gotten them confused.

#371
How do you confuse a young Black man

#372
with a giant orange monster?

#373
-Uh... -[squeak]

#374
Okay, Gritty, picture yourself on a Caribbean island.

#375
-Don't pitch Gritty! We're here to talk to a celebrity. -[toilet flushes]

#376
-Gritty's just Gritty. -[squeak]

#377
What-- Oh, hey, Jalen! Jalen! There he is. Jalen!

#378
-Ah, we just missed him. -What are you talking about?

#379
-That was not Jalen Hurts. -Yes, it was.

#380
Oh, don't take his side, Gritty.

#381
-Well, he's right. -That was definitely Jalen Hurts.

#382
Uh, you know what, Gritty, we don't need you anymore.

#383
Why don't you take a hike, pal?

#384
-Appreciate it. -[squeak]

#385
-[phone ringing] -Goddamn it.

#386
Hold on a second. Oh, it's Charlie.

#387
What-- Wait, wait, wait.

#388
-What do you want, man? -[Charlie] Hey, uh,

#389
Dennis, uh, get to Frank as fast as you can.

#390
I have Malcolm and his dad.

#391
-Are you serious? -I'll explain later.

#392
Just-- I'll delay them as long as I can.

#393
[Aaron] Hey, could you maybe just

#394
not be on the-the phone?

#395
-Yeah? Okay. -Oh, yeah.

#396
Of course, sir. Yeah, I got to go.

#397
-Please? Thank you. -Uh, sorry about that.

#398
-Very unprofessional. -Thank you very much.

#399
-Uh, apologies. -Yeah, that's okay.

#400
[sniffs]

#401
Does it smell funky in here?

#402
Very funky.

#403
-Oh, you guys picking up an aroma? -Yeah.

#404
-Yeah. -Yeah, yeah, all right.

#405
You-- There might be a funk to it, Mr. Malcolm.

#406
I did vomit in here earlier.

#407
Oh, oh, great. Thank you for that.

#408
Wow. And my name is not Mr. Malcolm, it's Aaron.

#409
[Charlie] Okay, I got you. Yeah, yeah.

#410
We can go by whatever code name

#411
you feel most comfortable with, sir.

#412
You know, I can't imagine the pressures of being

#413
-a Hollywood celebrity. -Oh, oh, please, please, please!

#414
-[horn honks] -Watch the road, watch the road. -Oh, yeah! Shit!

#415
-Jesus. -Pardon my language.

#416
Yeah, sorry about that. Uh, pardon my driving.

#417
I haven't driven a car in a long, long time.

#418
I-- We really got to start vetting these drivers.

#419
Okay? If we're driving around in these crappy town cars

#420
with lunatics and now we're flying coach?

#421
-Counterpoint. -Coach?

#422
I do like the grit.

#423
-[Aaron] Oh, my God. -Don't you?

#424
I mean, it's associating with the common man.

#425
-Talking about me? -Yes.

#426
-Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. -Yeah.

#427
-Absolutely. -When I first stepped onto the boards

#428
in the Great White Way of Broadway...

#429
-Oh, and here we go again about Broadway. -Was I in the role

#430
-of Richard III? No. -Were you? No?

#431
-Slipping it in, of course. -No.

#432
-I was his understudy. -Okay.

#433
-[groans] -I never really got to be on stage.

#434
-Okay. -But I was very close.

#435
-You had to earn it, huh? -[laughs]

#436
-You had to earn it. -It's all about the work, isn't it?

#437
-See? He's working, we're working. -Yeah, right?

#438
Yeah, we're-- We are working.

#439
Now, you can never forget where you came from.

#440
-Remember how you got here? Remember, huh? -Yes.

#441
This clown lost all of his money playing slots

#442
-at Pechanga. Yeah. -It-- I-I--

#443
[Aaron] No, you have a problem. You know you have a problem.

#444
The first step: admitting you have a problem.

#445
I admit I am a servant to the gods of chance.

#446
I pray at their altar.

#447
-Yeah, way too much. -Come on, baby.

#448
-Way too much. -Yeah, come on, baby!

#449
[laughs] Let 'er roll!

#450
-Let 'er rip! -No, this guy was a week away

#451
from sucking off tourists, okay?

#452
-Oh, my God. -To pay his rent, and you know that.

#453
Fellas, you're not gonna have to suck anyone off.

#454
I'm taking you guys straight to a private plane today.

#455
-Hmm? -Oh, great. Finally. See? See?

#456
There you go. Aren't you happy?

#457
-Doesn't that feel nice? -I'm very happy. Yes.

#458
-[phone ringing] -[Aaron] Finally. Okay.

#459
Sorry, I happen to be getting another-another call here.

#460
-I got to take it. Hello, this is the driver. -[Aaron] Oh, my...

#461
Hey, Charlie! You said to call when we landed.

#462
What? We landed?

#463
We landed 20 minutes ago. I'm just gassing up.

#464
Oh, goddamn it, why didn't you tell me that?

#465
I wouldn't have eaten the disgusting oysters.

#466
-Ugh. -You ate those oysters?

#467
What? You told me to.

#468
That can is from a shellfish company I started

#469
with Tony Danza back in the '80s.

#470
Tony's Oysters in a Can-za?

#471
-It was a catchy name. Didn't go anywhere. -Goddamn you.

#472
Gross. I am out of here.

#473
-[coughing] -[Charlie] Frank?

#474
-Charlie. -Uh, this is Mr. Frank.

#475
He's the owner of the plane.

#476
-Oh, perfect. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

#477
Uh, yes, Mr. Frank? I have the father and son.

#478
You got them, Charlie? Bring them over right away.

#479
All right. Ha, ha!

#480
Charlie got Malcolm and his dad.

#481
-Oh, shit. Are you serious? -[whoops]

#482
-Oh, I'm staying. -What are you talking about?

#483
You've been complaining about getting off the plane.

#484
Now all of a sudden you're staying?

#485
-[coughs] -All right. Hey, guys. Come on.

#486
Let's go. Out of the cabin.

#487
What-what-- I'm not leaving my plane.

#488
Oh, no, we've had this whole situation

#489
where Jalen Hurts felt trapped and he just freaked out

#490
-and ran away. -It was not Jalen Hurts, okay?

#491
-It was literally just some Black guy. -I-- It was definitely

#492
-Jalen Hurts. Either way, -It was not Jalen Hurts.

#493
-let's just go. Let's go. -Let's go. Come on.

#494
-Up, up, up. -Ugh, all right, all right.

#495
-Yeah. -[sighs]

#496
Yeah, but I always wonder at whose expense.

#497
You know, when I was making my way

#498
on the Great White Way of Broadway...

#499
-Oh, my God. Jesus-- Hey. -It was hard.

#500
You know, I-I have an idea.

#501
Why don't you just shut your eyes and go to sleep?

#502
And then I will let you know when you can wake up.

#503
-Okay? Shh. -Okay. Thank you.

#504
Okay.

#505
-Oh, but sleep's for pussies. -Geez.

#506
Let's party, am I right? Hey, guys, I'm Dee.

#507
Jesus, where'd you come from?

#508
I didn't know we were sharing the plane.

#509
-Yeah, I-- -Ah! [laughs]

#510
Hi, I'm Frank, the owner.

#511
And you don't have to share the plane.

#512
This plane, this pretty little bird can be yours

#513
for a mere price of $35 mil.

#514
-[Dennis] Sorry, actually, um... -[Aaron groans]

#515
-It's a beautiful bird. -Hey, guys, don't worry.

#516
We're not-not here to sell you a plane. Frank, please, don't.

#517
Yeah, we want to-- We-we'd sell the plane

#518
-We would, but that's not the point. -if you would go for it,

#519
-you'd buy it. -Just-- We're not selling the plane.

#520
-Okay, we're here to sell you, um-- -A lifestyle

#521
-No, no. -and ill-fitting suits.

#522
-No, no, no, uh, that-that's also wrong. -[laughs]

#523
-We're not selling any of that, okay? -Okay.

#524
-[laughs] -No, no, no. Let's-let's... No.

#525
We're here to sell you a, uh--

#526
Nickelschläger!

#527
No, goddamn it! None of that.

#528
None of that. Okay, listen-listen to me. Listen.

#529
-Look, we're just-- Listen. -He's the driver.

#530
Let's just start over, okay?

#531
We're gonna start all over, and we're gonna do it

#532
with a firm handshake.

#533
Oh. I'm not supposed to.

#534
-Oh, come on, man. -[Mac] I think you're in

#535
an abusive relationship.

#536
Okay! This is absolutely insane.

#537
Put your hand down, Bryan.

#538
But I don't mind shaking his hand, really, I don't--

#539
No, put it down, you silly little bitch.

#540
Put it down.

#541
-Put it down. -No.

#542
Don't you touch him.

#543
I said no.

#544
[Aaron] What? Oh, my God.

#545
What is happening?

#546
Sit down.

#547
Please, just sit down.

#548
-Y ou want us to sit down? -Sit down, please,

#549
-all of you. -We-we will sit down.

#550
[Dennis] Yeah, why don't we all sit down?

#551
I don't ask for a lot.

#552
An Emmy here, a Tony there.

#553
Little pocket change for the one-armed succubus in Reno.

#554
But you.

#555
You, you're-- It's never enough for you.

#556
You want it all.

#557
And you deceived me into thinking

#558
that-that I wanted it all, too, and I don't.

#559
And you took charge of our little operation,

#560
and ever since then,

#561
you've been... you've been controlling my life.

#562
You control everything.

#563
Or do you?

#564
Maybe...

#565
you are the one being deceived.

#566
Maybe being the front man

#567
of an alcohol business

#568
places your head so far out in front of you

#569
that you don't even realize

#570
that your neck is exposed.

#571
Enough to be lopped off

#572
by a public

#573
so thirsty to taste the blood

#574
of greedy celebrities.

#575
So, when they come--

#576
and they will--

#577
who are they gonna come after, huh?

#578
The sweet, hapless boob...

#579
...or the slick-talking, scheming millennial?

#580
[chuckles]

#581
So, I ask you...

#582
...bitch...

#583
...who is really in charge here?

#584
[sniffs]

#585
[sighs]

#586
Boom.

#587
And that, my friends,

#588
is acting.

#589
-[laughs] -What? Wow!

#590
-What?! -Wait, wait.

#591
-That was-- -That-that was all fake?

#592
Made it all up. Fake, fake, fake, fake.

#593
No offense, anything I said.

#594
-Oh, no, you're welcome... -I was just joking.

#595
But I do love to perform.

#596
-I do, it's in my blood. -You got the stuff.

#597
Uh, you should consider doing a drama, Mr. Middle.

#598
-You really should consider doing drama. -Yeah.

#599
-That's a good idea. -I think you got the goods, man.

#600
Hey, so listen, do you guys want to invest?

#601
-Boss? -Fuck no.

#602
-Fuck no! No. -Fuck no!

#603
[Aaron] Of course not. I don't want to spend

#604
another moment with you crazies.

#605
-Not another minute. -You people are insane.

#606
Get me off this plane.

#607
[crowd chanting backwards]

#608
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

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