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Season 1, Episode 10 — Environmental Science

#1
[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

#2
Okay, you can hear me?

#3
Okay. Um, good morning.

#4
I'm here to kick off

#7
What?

#11
is becoming so Earth-smart

#13
to Envirodale.

#14
But we were already

#15
called Greendale.

#16
[MAN LAUGHS]

#18
MAN: Yeah.

#21
by a certain band

#22
called Green Day.

#23
[STUDENTS APPLAUDING

#24
AND CHATTERING]

#25
That make you happy?

#26
No, not really.

#27
[WHISPERING]

#29
We printed 5000.

#30
Well, print 5000 more.

#31
I'm trying

#32
to save a planet here.

#33
[♪♪♪]

#34
Pencils down.

#35
[PENCIL SCRIBBLING]

#36
[♪♪♪]

#37
Annie.

#38
[CHANG CLEARS THROAT]

#39
I wasn't--

#40
I want you all

#41
to write a one-page essay,

#42
in Español

#45
to write it?

#46
Okay, two pages, entitled:

#47
"The Consequences

#48
of Questioning Authority."

#49
This is Spanish 101.

#50
I know how to say "hello",

#52
That's the only Spanish

#53
you taught us.

#55
[STUDENTS WHINING]

#56
Guys, put your hands down.

#58
We respect your authority.

#59
Thank you, Britta.

#61
Due on Monday.

#62
This Monday?

#63
[THE 88'S

#65
♪ I can't count the reasons

#66
I should stay ♪

#67
If Señor Chang

#68
gets any crazier,

#69
he's gonna win

#71
[LAUGHING]

#73
to the dean.

#78
I got a presentation

#81
the nervous sweats.

#82
I can help you with that.

#83
I accept.

#85
things are.

#86
Well, we're screwed too.

#87
We're three days behind

#88
on a Biology lab.

#90
is Troy's afraid of--

#91
I'm not afraid, Abed.

#93
because they are unpopular.

#94
Same goes

#95
for centipedes and lakes.

#96
There's only one solution.

#97
Someone has to go to Chang

#98
and talk to him.

#99
I vote we all look at Jeff

#100
at the same time.

#101
In a way,

#102
all of you are right.

#103
What was I tuning out?

#104
You have to get Chang

#105
to call off this homework.

#106
the one

#107
with the silver tongue.

#108
Yeah, go tongue Chang.

#109
What makes you think

#110
I could convince Chang

#112
not to make me do it?

#117
You want me to risk the C

#118
that I'm pulling

#119
in that psycho's class

#122
he's gonna win a Grammy.

#123
[ALL LAUGH]

#125
That's very funny.

#126
What is it, the chair?

#127
How do you think you're

#128
gonna keep pulling a C

#129
if he keeps assigning

#130
this much work?

#131
Because I have you guys.

#132
Well, guess what,

#133
handsome hobo?

#134
Your gravy train's

#135
leaving the station.

#136
[IMITATING TRAIN CHUGGING]

#138
We are serious.

#139
Fine, I'll do it.

#140
But when you find my body,

#142
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING

#143
ON COMPUTER]

#145
in me.

#146
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

#148
Oh, wow.

#149
[♪♪♪]

#151
We're Greene Daeye.

#152
Okay. Oh.

#153
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

#154
CHANG:

#155
What do you want, Winger?

#157
on behalf of the class?

#158
Can I ask you a personal

#159
question, Señor Chang?

#160
Okay, Freud.

#161
Sure, you try to penetrate

#164
Holy--

#166
Well, when you pick juries,

#167
you learn to read

#168
the little stuff.

#169
Same shirt twice in one week.

#170
Teaching us the word esposa

#171
means "liar."

#172
A picture of you with a woman

#173
with a Post-it note

#174
dialogue balloon

#175
above her head that says,

#176
"Enjoy it while it lasts."

#178
And, um,

#181
You get a job--

#182
You stop salsa dancing.

#183
Of course I know.

#185
Winger.

#187
Yeah.

#190
[♪♪♪]

#192
Pickled bull testicle?

#193
Uh, are you offering

#194
or collecting?

#195
♪ Mary had a little lamb ♪

#199
♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#200
Troy, sing.

#202
to respond to a song.

#203
Yeah.

#206
Hm?

#207
BOTH:

#208
♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#210
He did it. Good boy, Fievel.

#211
Commencing reward.

#212
I have to open the cage.

#214
I'm not afraid!

#215
[SQUEALING]

#216
[SCREAMING]

#217
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]

#218
Fievel.

#219
Everybody, shut up.

#220
I'll kick all your asses,

#221
but you all have

#222
to come up here.

#223
[LAUGHS]

#224
Dude, you are gonna be fine.

#225
You just have to move on.

#226
And if you hang out with me

#227
sometime,

#228
you will see how great

#229
single life can be.

#231
Yeah.

#232
What about tonight?

#233
Absolutely.

#234
Oh, shoot.

#235
My Spanish study group

#236
has to get together

#237
every night now.

#239
have it with this homework.

#241
Yeah.

#243
Jeff, essay cancelled.

#245
Fantastic.

#246
That is fantastic.

#247
Everybody will be so happy.

#248
Oh-oh-oh.

#251
You're the one

#253
Right. Yeah.

#255
in an unenviable,

#257
and wanna be--

#260
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

#261
Is there a rat in here?

#262
I have no idea

#263
what you're talking about.

#265
El Tigre.

#266
[♪♪♪]

#267
[♪♪♪]

#269
Yeah, but it didn't do

#270
any good.

#271
My head still hurts

#272
from the yelling.

#273
My pupils

#274
are more sensitive to light

#275
because he yelled at me

#276
so much.

#277
Oh, well, now I feel bad

#278
that we made you do that.

#279
Maybe we can help

#280
with your essay.

#281
Oh, that's okay.

#283
You could do my homework

#284
next time.

#285
See you in class.

#286
He's hiding something.

#291
Damn.

#292
Here comes Abed.

#293
He needs my help.

#294
I gotta get out of here.

#297
and he escaped.

#298
Oh, Abed, I'm sorry.

#299
He probably found more rats

#300
and is very happy

#301
living with them.

#303
in reality, Britta.

#304
[♪♪♪]

#305
I believe that, uh,

#306
fusing brownies

#307
with the, uh, Internet

#308
is going to create

#310
Yawn!

#312
No.

#317
You might consider

#318
a darker top.

#320
Oh, and don't--

#321
Don't lock your knees.

#322
Never lock your knees.

#323
You know what happens

#324
when you lock your knees?

#326
Oh.

#327
Second, when you wanna

#328
drive home a point,

#329
hand them a sandwich.

#330
Try it.

#331
Hand them a sandwich. See?

#333
Yeah.

#334
Except that you're--

#335
You just dropped

#336
the sandwich

#337
as opposed

#338
to handing it to them.

#340
Right. Yeah.

#341
Try attention-grabbing words

#342
to wake up the audience,

#343
such as: multiple orgasm.

#347
Whatever.

#348
Yeah, and about

#350
I mean,

#352
from somebody

#356
Okay. Ahem.

#358
Uh!

#360
Um!

#361
These brownies are delicious.

#363
Like.

#365
Whatever, valley girl.

#366
[♪♪♪]

#368
and tu

#369
is a matter of formality.

#370
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

#371
You are old.

#372
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

#373
You are ugly.

#374
No, you're not.

#375
Shakira.

#376
Shakira.

#377
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

#378
Westside!

#379
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

#380
You are dirty.

#385
And on another subject,

#387
on your essays.

#389
Oh, no.

#390
Jeff already turned

#391
in his essay.

#393
Thanks.

#395
As soon as you turn in

#396
your essays on Monday,

#398
so study hard.

#399
Class dismissed.

#401
Dude.

#403
That was crazy.

#405
it gets crazy.

#407
Dude, let's do it again.

#408
Yeah, I want to,

#411
Well, how about this:

#412
Bling. A-plus.

#413
Nice work, Winger.

#416
[JEFF & CHANG LAUGHING]

#418
Cherry daiquiri.

#419
[♪♪♪]

#420
Uh-huh, later.

#422
fabric and hair product.

#427
All right,

#428
dial it back a little.

#429
If anyone should be

#430
disappointed, it's me.

#431
What kind of group

#433
unless he helps them?

#434
What kind of a person

#437
Yeah.

#439
I don't like

#440
being talked to that way.

#441
He's using fake outrage

#442
to justify leaving.

#444
Yeah, that's it,

#445
I'm out of here.

#448
That's what you guys want.

#450
seven times.

#451
Don't answer your phones

#452
and bury all your money

#453
in the backyard.

#456
Let's see,

#457
"I took a computer class

#458
at Tienda De Manzana,"

#459
the Apple Store.

#461
Keep going.

#462
"And the saleswoman

#463
had manzanas gigantes."

#466
Seven times, seven different

#468
It's crazy.

#473
Come on, man. It--

#474
Come on. Don't do that.

#476
Yeah.

#479
No, no, no,

#480
it's fine, it's just--

#482
I'm dumb.

#488
What?

#491
I'll have

#492
to think of something.

#493
Let me rest gently

#494
on your pecs.

#506
That's mine.

#507
Thanks, Pierce.

#509
Okay.

#511
I was involved.

#512
[♪♪♪]

#518
Yeah.

#519
Dean says the exterminator

#520
is coming

#521
because of our rat.

#522
I'd like to exterminate

#523
this conversation.

#525
He's sitting in Jeff's chair,

#526
so he's trying

#527
to act like Jeff.

#528
ALL:

#529
Oh! Oh.

#530
Uh, e-mail.

#532
me because we are friends.

#534
Real friends help me

#536
I would face my fears

#537
to help you.

#538
Exactly.

#540
Am I?

#541
♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#543
Abed.

#544
If he gets any nuttier,

#545
they'll put him on The View.

#546
[CHUCKLES]

#547
That works. Yeah.

#548
What are we gonna do?

#549
We're gonna study.

#550
Ah!

#551
Fievel?

#552
Fievel.

#553
Fievel?

#555
[WHISPERS] Fievel.

#556
Fievel.

#557
Woo-woo-woo.

#558
Okay, thank you.

#560
here at Greendale.

#561
And now for our band,

#562
Greene Daeye.

#563
They're not

#564
the real Green Day.

#565
Thought we should just rip

#568
Hey!

#570
Wanna hang out?

#572
I will fail you.

#573
Actually, I had an idea

#574
for an extra-credit project.

#576
our first song

#578
She said

#580
I didn't tell her

#581
you wanted to talk.

#583
of brownies has...

#584
I, uh-- Target group--"

#585
Ms. Bennett,

#586
I'm afraid I have to ask you

#587
to put down the cards.

#590
Uh... I-- Uh...

#593
[SQUEAKING]

#594
[BAND PLAYING

#595
UPBEAT CELTIC MUSIC]

#596
TROY:

#597
♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#598
♪ Someone's saying a prayer ♪

#599
They are wonderful.

#600
We all love brownies.

#601
They're delicious.

#602
If you love brownies,

#603
you love life.

#604
ABED:

#605
♪ And even though I know ♪

#607
Orgasmically delicious.

#609
♪ Wishing on

#610
The same bright star ♪

#615
♪ It helps to think

#616
We're sleeping ♪

#618
[CHANG YELLS]

#619
BOTH:

#620
♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#622
Here's Brownie!

#623
♪ Then we'll be together ♪

#624
♪ Somewhere out there ♪

#625
♪ Out where dreams ♪

#626
♪ Come true ♪

#627
[SQUEAKING]

#628
God, he's on my leg!

#629
He's on my leg! Aah!

#630
[WHIMPERING]

#631
Disgusting.

#632
Thank you.

#634
He's getting a refill

#635
on his void.

#636
I got an A on my presentation

#638
to Pierce.

#639
And I had a great sandwich.

#642
It's true.

#643
I have something to say.

#645
And I've been

#646
a horrible teacher.

#648
Jeff Winger,

#649
for showing me that

#651
No more 20-page essays

#652
due on Monday.

#654
Thank you.

#655
Although, Winger,

#656
you should write

#657
a one-page essay called:

#658
"Taking Advantage

#660
Boo-yah.

#661
You did that for us?

#662
Mm. Kind of.

#663
You know, I thought

#665
was the worst way

#666
to pass Spanish.

#668
Well, we're the best.

#670
a handsome hobo.

#678
You go dance.

#680
I know your secret.

#681
I know about the chair.

#682
Whoa.

#683
What model did you get?

#686
The Devil's Drench XJ11.

#687
This is gonna be awesome.

#688
We should establish

#689
base camps.

#690
What part of library

#691
do you want?

#692
North east is closest

#694
All right, guys,

#696
Oh, ha-ha! Pierce,

#697
I hope that's the tiny gun

#698
that you throw at us

#699
to confuse us

#700
while you grab the giant gun

#701
taped to your back.

#704
Aah! Oh, it's pepper water!

#705
Oh, it's pep--

#706
Who puts pepper

#707
in water?

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