Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S16E08 — Dennis Takes a Mental Health Day

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 16, Episode 8 — Dennis Takes a Mental Health Day

#1
Everything looks good, Mr. Reynolds.

#2
Your blood work is all normal.

#3
Excellent. As expected, right?

#4
Does look like your blood pressure's

#5
-a little high, however. Um-- -Wait.

#6
-I have high blood pressure? -Well, yes, but

#7
that's consistent with your last visit.

#8
We might want to put you on a low dose

#9
-of blood pressure medication. -Oh... no.

#10
Come on, Doc. Pills are for old men.

#11
Well, we all get to a certain age where we need--

#12
Do we? I don't.

#13
So, no. I mean, you know, let-let's not...

#14
Listen, I-I can see where you're headed with this.

#15
Let's-let's not go there, okay?

#16
If I wanted my blood pressure to be low, I would simply

#17
command my body to make it low.

#18
That's really not how chronic high blood pressure works.

#19
Okay, well, it is how it works with Dennis Reynolds, okay?

#20
And if I'm chronically having high blood pressure,

#21
it's because I'm chronically suffering fools

#22
who won't listen to me when I say that I can do things.

#23
Uh, you know what, Doc? It's fi...

#24
I'm gonna take control of this, okay?

#25
Don't you worry about a thing

#26
'cause Dennis Reynolds is gonna

#27
figure this all out on his own.

#28
There we go.

#29
Blood pressure.

#30
Pulse. Resting heart rate, syncs right to the phone.

#31
And it records everything.

#32
This is perfect.

#33
Now I'll have proof I can smash in that stupid doctor's face.

#34
-Yeah. - Oh, hey, Dennis.

#35
Uh, a-are we above or below sea level?

#36
-What? Tell him about the family-style cooking.

#37
Yeah, so we're doing

#38
some family-style cooking now, and we got this,

#39
like, industrial-grade pressure cooker.

#40
Mm. Pretty badass, man,

#41
but, you know, we got to make sure

#42
we're above sea level just to be safe.

#43
Well, we can't be below sea level.

#44
Otherwise, we'd be underwater.

#45
But if it's under sea level,

#46
-it may explode. -That's our big worry.

#47
That this sucker's gonna explode.

#48
You can't take a pressure cooker under the sea.

#49
It's not gonna explode.

#50
Yeah, that's not how pressure cookers works.

#51
-Yeah. -You're telling me that you can't bring

#52
a pressure cooker onto a submarine?

#53
How do they feed the entire U.S. Navy?

#54
-They don't pressure-cook the shit, Mac. -Navy argument.

#55
-Navy argument... -Stop! Stop! All of you, okay?

#56
They have, like, a grill or something.

#57
I'm calling mental health day.

#58
Mental health day?

#59
What kind of cuckoo shit is that?

#60
It's a new thing. It's like a sick day

#61
but for your brain, and if somebody calls it,

#62
you have to give it to 'em, you can't ask any questions.

#63
Are you calling that? Are you taking that for real?

#64
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm calling mental health day, okay?

#65
-And I'm gonna drive out to the beach... Ooh.

#66
...and spend the entire day just staring at the ocean.

#67
Isn't your car in the shop? I'm sorry.

#68
That's, uh, not a question about mental health.

#69
That's a question of logistics.

#70
Ah, damn it. No, you're right.

#71
Hey, Dennis, I'll come drive you.

#72
I could use a beach day.

#73
Oh, shit. You know what? This could be a good way

#74
-to find out whether or not we're, uh, underwater.

#75
We can take the cooker there, yeah.

#76
We're gonna bring the cooker, too. -No. No.

#77
Goddamn it! Do you hear that beeping?

#78
-That means stop. No!

#79
This is my mental health day, and none of you

#80
are a part of it. Goddamn it!

#81
Hi.

#82
Hi. How can I help you today?

#83
Uh, yeah, I have a reservation under the name Reynolds.

#84
-Okay, let me check that out for you. -All right.

#85
Wow. That's a lot of typing you're having to do there.

#86
-You writing a novel? -Oh, I'm sorry.

#87
We have no more vehicles available in that class.

#88
No, no, no, I made a reservation.

#89
Sometimes our system double-books,

#90
so that's our mistake, and we are happy

#91
-to offer you a complimentary upgrade. -Okay.

#92
This is the Tsuma EVS, a fully-electric car

#93
with touch screen controls, automated steering

#94
made right here in America.

#95
Oh, these are awesome. I've seen these.

#96
-These are really cool. -Mm-hmm.

#97
Okay, yeah, no. I-I... I accept, and I'll take those keys.

#98
-There are no keys. -Aha.

#99
-There's an app. -Oh, right.

#100
-An app. -Mm-hmm.

#101
Boy, I got tell you, I... I, uh, I don't love that.

#102
I, uh, have a lot of apps on my phone already,

#103
and, uh, keys are sort of a system

#104
that have existed for millennia.

#105
I don't know why we're trying to fix that, but, uh,

#106
yeah, no, now we got apps.

#107
We got... we got apps for everything, right?

#108
Even for things we already had things for.

#109
I guess, uh, since my blood pressure's going up,

#110
really spiking here, I'm just gonna...

#111
I'm gonna go with it. We're gonna download the app.

#112
Right? What's one more app?

#113
The phone is the key now. Simple.

#114
This is nice. Smooth ride, it's quiet.

#115
Try this automated steering thing.

#116
Hey.

#117
Hey!

#118
That is awesome.

#119
Time to kick this mental health day off

#120
with some feel-good plant tonic.

#121
My good friend, Mr. Kratom.

#122
Uh, this stuff's gnarly as hell, though.

#123
I need some... some kind of a mixer.

#124
Uh, Tsuma, direct me to the nearest tea shop.

#125
Rerouting to Teaspoon.

#126
Holy shit.

#127
Tsuma, play... Roxette.

#128
-Now playing Roxette,

#129
-"Listen to Your Heart."

#130
That is so cool.

#131
I'll just sit here and enjoy the ride, I guess.

#132
This car's nailing it.

#133
-Uh, one herbal tea, please. -Which flavor?

#134
Flavor. Uh, I don't know. Jasmine?

#135
Uh, sorry, I meant for the boba.

#136
The little spheres

#137
of, uh, tapioca and sugar?

#138
The tea comes with boba.

#139
Well, it doesn't

#140
because I see the tea right there,

#141
and I see the boba over there,

#142
so why don't we just not combine 'em, yeah?

#143
-You know, so, I'll take the tea

#144
without the covert diabetes delivery mechanism, please.

#145
-The system won't let me do that.

#146
Okay. Yeah. No, fine.

#147
One boba, please.

#148
We'll call it a mental health day treat.

#149
Self-care, right? Isn't that what people call it

#150
whenever they need an excuse to do whatever the fuck they want?

#151
-I don't know. -Yeah, I know. Of course you don't.

#152
Of course you don't. One chewy sugar tea, please.

#153
All right. Uh, you can scan the code.

#154
Uh, why?

#155
Because the code takes you to the app.

#156
That's two apps today, yeah.

#157
Got apps for everything, you know?

#158
Even though I'm already talking to the person

#159
that, uh, could just take my order right here,

#160
but I got to download an app, right?

#161
How about this?

#162
I have cash, you have tea.

#163
Why don't we just streamline things?

#164
We don't take cash, though.

#165
Yeah. How about cards? Take cards?

#166
-Uh, yes. -Oh, great.

#167
But there is a ten-dollar minimum.

#168
There's no minimum on the app, though.

#169
Sorry. It's, uh...

#170
It's not your fault.

#171
You know, you didn't create the system.

#172
The system is just... It is what it is,

#173
and, yeah, we're both victims here, so...

#174
What?

#175
Uh, nothing.

#176
Two boba teas, please.

#177
♪ Listen to your heart ♪ -Oh, shit.

#178
Ugh! Oh.

#179
That is rough.

#180
Oh.

#181
-Ugh! Aah!

#182
It's so sweet.

#183
Good, though. It's good.

#184
-What do you mean, "Key not found"?

#185
Key not found? Th-There is no key.

#186
-The key is my...

#187
...phone.

#188
Where's my phone? Where's my phone?

#189
Goddamn it, where's my phone?

#190
Ah, shit. Ugh! Yes. What?

#191
Hey, Dennis. Hey, man. Hey. Hey.

#192
Hey, uh, real quick. You know that French dip

#193
of yours in the fridge. Can we eat that?

#194
No, that French dip has been in the fridge for a month, dude.

#195
Do not eat it and do not call me!

#196
We already ate it. Yeah, we ate it.

#197
It's been eaten. I told 'em not to eat it.

#198
Dee tried to tell us not to eat it, but look, anyway,

#199
we're just calling now so you don't get mad at us later.

#200
-All right? Yeah, we're hoping that you get mad out there

#201
and then you come back and you're happy.

#202
Do not expect that sandwich

#203
when you get back, 'cause it's gone, okay?

#204
But don't worry about it. It has been pressure-cooked.

#205
Yeah, we pressure- cooked the shit out of it. -What do you mean?

#206
-No, you cannot pressure-cook a French dip.

#207
Oh, yeah, you can, and I guarantee that the U.S. Navy

#208
-is down on their submarine... -Don't. Don't talk!

#209
-Don't talk. Don't. Stop. -...with their pressure cooker.

#210
-No more phone calls! No more!

#211
Fantastic.

#212
Hello, Officer.

#213
License and registration.

#214
-Uh, well, this is a rental, actually. -Hmm.

#215
-Turn the car off.

#216
Yeah.

#217
I, uh... I can't because I don't have a key.

#218
Uh, well, technically there is no key.

#219
My phone is the key, and...

#220
I don't have a phone.

#221
Step out of the car, sir.

#222
Uh, you know, I'd really rather not

#223
because I'm afraid if I get out, then, um,

#224
I'm not gonna be able to start the car again.

#225
Sir, out of the car, please.

#226
Right. You don't care.

#227
All right, stepping out.

#228
Well, who could've predicted that?

#229
Hi. Good afternoon. Fine, and you? Thanks for asking.

#230
Listen, my name is Dennis Reynolds,

#231
and I'm on a family plan under the name Frank Reynolds,

#232
and I need a new phone, please.

#233
Okay, I can help you with that here.

#234
Great.

#235
-Frank Reynolds, mm-hmm.

#236
-My name's not that long. -So,

#237
looks like I can get you a replacement phone here.

#238
Can have it to you by end of day tomorrow.

#239
Uh, no, that's-that's not gonna work. I need it today.

#240
Unfortunately, the phones are at our warehouse, so...

#241
Tell me about those,

#242
'cause those look like phones.

#243
Those aren't the phones.

#244
-Those aren't the phones? -No.

#245
Hey, those aren't the phones, guys, so,

#246
you know, just so you know. Those are just boxes

#247
filled with phones that aren't the phones.

#248
-Phones for new customers. -Oh, for new customer, right.

#249
Not for old customers. Not for the paying customers,

#250
the people who have been paying for months and months,

#251
for years and years and years and years.

#252
Let's punish those people and give the phones

#253
that are right there to the new customers.

#254
It's just how the system works.

#255
-Yeah, well, mm, that system.

#256
I've been running up against it all day.

#257
Well, I'll tell you what, pal. I am not mad at you, okay?

#258
I am mad at the system.

#259
Okay, but unfortunately the system isn't here

#260
for me to direct my frustrations at it, s...

#261
Good. Let's try something else.

#262
Um, what if we add a new line

#263
to the Frank Reynolds family plan?

#264
Would that make me a new customer?

#265
Yeah, I can do that. I just need your PIN.

#266
Right, 'cause the PIN's the key to the phone,

#267
and the phone's the key to the car,

#268
and everything's been streamlined.

#269
Excuse me, please. I need to make a call on my watch.

#270
-Are you sure this is gonna work? -Charlie,

#271
diamonds are made under pressure.

#272
This is a pressure cooker.

#273
We're going to cook diamonds. It's very linear.

#274
-So genius.

#275
I just can't believe no one's ever thought of this before.

#276
-We're gonna be rich, man. Oh, I know.

#277
It's Dennis.

#278
Oh, oh, oh, oh, do not answer it.

#279
-It's a mental health day test. -A test. Mm.

#280
-Test? -Mm-hmm.

#281
In my day, if you wanted to get out of work, you...

#282
you hit yourself with a hammer

#283
or you got gnawed by a shark or something simple.

#284
-No, not gonna pick up now.

#285
No, wh-wh-why would he? Unreal.

#286
Uh, let's try... 69-69.

#287
Okay.

#288
-Yeah, that's it. -That worked?

#289
You're all set.

#290
-Seriously? -That's it.

#291
-This is the phone? -That's the phone.

#292
I'm gonna open the box, I'm gonna turn it on,

#293
-the phone's going to work? -Yup.

#294
It's gonna work. It's your phone.

#295
Whoo!

#296
Why won't you talk to each other?!

#297
Talk! Talk! Talk! Talk!

#298
Talk! Talk!

#299
Dennis Reynolds.

#300
D, E, "N" as in Nancy...

#301
License plate-- "B" as in boy,

#302
SX355.

#303
I'm sorry. I didn't get that.

#304
Yeah, no, I know you didn't get it 'cause I didn't say it.

#305
I didn't say what it was.

#306
Did you say "January"?

#307
No, I didn't say "January." I didn't say anything.

#308
I didn't give a month, I didn't give a day.

#309
Representative. No, representative.

#310
Human! Human!

#311
Oh.

#312
D,

#313
E, "N" as in "neighbor,"

#314
I, S.

#315
Dennis Reynolds.

#316
"D" as in "Deliver me from this!"

#317
-"E" as in "Engage with human."

#318
"N" as in "nightmare"!

#319
"N" as in "nightmare"! "I" as in "Is this real?!"

#320
"S" as in "Somebody help me!"

#321
There has to be a way to open this goddamn car!

#322
How do I open the car?!

#323
Dennis Reynolds.

#324
D, E,

#325
"N" as in "never-ending."

#326
-"N" as in... Thank you for calling

#327
-Tsuma Customer Care. Never gonna help me.

#328
Your call is very important to us.

#329
Please enter your 17-digit VIN.

#330
Please say your name.

#331
-Dennis Reynolds. -Got it. Let me transfer you.

#332
Thank you for calling Tsuma Customer Care.

#333
My name is Daisy. May I please have your name and 17-digit VIN?

#334
No. No, no, no, no. No.

#335
I just ent... I ju...

#336
I just entered all that information into the system.

#337
I'm sorry, sir.

#338
-I get it, but I do-- -That-That's okay. No, no.

#339
That's okay. Daisy, was it?

#340
Listen, don't be sorry, okay? I'm not mad at you.

#341
I'm a little upset, but I'm upset at the situation, okay?

#342
And-and the situation is this, Daisy.

#343
If you'll just give me a second and indulge me, okay?

#344
My new phone won't talk to my car.

#345
Okay, so I called the car rental company,

#346
and they put me on with a supervisor

#347
who told me to call Tsuma Roadside,

#348
so I called Tsuma Roadside.

#349
Spoke to someone over there

#350
who put me on with another supervisor

#351
who told me to call the service center.

#352
So I called the service center, spoke to about--

#353
I don't know-- two, three morons over there

#354
who had no answers for me whatsoever.

#355
They put me on with one of their supervisors,

#356
and that person told me to call the car rental company again.

#357
So I called the car rental company,

#358
then roadside, service center, rental company,

#359
roadside, service center, rental company,

#360
roadside, service center, and around and around

#361
and around like that for hours and hours,

#362
until finally someone had the presence of mind

#363
to let me know there's a goddamn customer care line.

#364
Okay, so I called the customer care line

#365
and now I find myself talking to you, Daisy,

#366
my little wildflower.

#367
And you ask me to enter in my VIN

#368
and my date of birth again,

#369
information which I already entered into your system.

#370
Okay, now, now, listen, Daisy, Daisy,

#371
bear with me here, okay?

#372
I know you didn't create the system, okay?

#373
So you are not to blame.

#374
But somebody did create the system,

#375
and I would very much like to blame that person.

#376
So... who is that?

#377
Sir, I'm sorry. Who is...?

#378
Who is the person who created your customer service system

#379
in such a way

#380
that the information entered

#381
into the computer isn't passed on

#382
to the human representative?!

#383
Sir, I don't know. I can send you to one of my supervisors.

#384
No, no, no, no, no. No, Dai... no.

#385
No, don't send me to a supervisor, Daisy.

#386
Daisy, Daisy...

#387
it's just you and me.

#388
Just you and me, Daisy, fighting the good fight

#389
against a broken system engineered

#390
to drive us both so crazy

#391
that we have to take days off

#392
for our mental health!

#393
Daisy?

#394
Yes?

#395
The Tsuma. It's made in America, right?

#396
Yes, it is.

#397
Where?

#398
All right, yes, okay. Yup.

#399
Oh, let me call you back.

#400
Hello. How are you?

#401
I've been better.

#402
I've been worse.

#403
Is the CEO in?

#404
I'm sorry. Uh, who are you?

#405
Dennis Reynolds.

#406
D, E, "N" as in "Nancy," N, I, S.

#407
Tsuma customer for, uh,

#408
oh, six hours and 17 minutes.

#409
I have some helpful feedback

#410
that I would very much like to pass on to your boss.

#411
-Oh.

#412
Can I get you a water or something?

#413
Listen, I have traveled

#414
through blistering sun and pouring rain to get here,

#415
so, if you don't mind, I'll just wait.

#416
Uh, he is not in the office

#417
this week,

#418
but customer feedback is very important to him,

#419
so, if you'd like to leave him a message,

#420
I'll make sure he gets it.

#421
If I leave you a message,

#422
can you assure me

#423
that you will get this to him?

#424
Absolutely. I'll make sure he gets it

#425
when he gets back from the beach house.

#426
-The beach, huh? -Mm-hmm.

#427
-Yeah.

#428
I was supposed to go to the beach today.

#429
-That's nice. -Yeah.

#430
-How about that, huh?

#431
Which beach?

#432
Brandon, dinner's ready!

#433
Hi.

#434
This is a medical marvel.

#435
You lowered your blood pressure

#436
by 20 points in less than a minute, but how?

#437
Well, just let off a little steam, all naturally.

#438
Told you, Dr. Tsuma.

#439
-Hmm.

#440
Oh. Excuse me.

#441
Hello?

#442
Oh, hey, Dennis.

#443
Uh, are-are we above or below sea level?

#444
I'll be right in.

#445
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

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