It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 15, Episode 4 — The Gang Replaces Dee With A Monkey

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#1001
did say something like this could happen.
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#1002
- He did? - Yeah.
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#1003
Apparently, the monkey's grandfather was Fatty Arbuckle's monkey,
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#1004
and you know how these things go. These monkeys are passed down
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#1005
from one Hollywood creep to the next,
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#1006
until, eventually,
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#1007
they wind up under a bridge in Philly
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#1008
getting drunk and pulling scams.
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#1009
- Oh! Goddamn. All right. - What?
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#1010
All right, all right, we got to think about this. All right,
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#1011
so let's not take the monkey on our vacation.
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#1012
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
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#1013
The vacation. I think we landed on a vacation destination last night.
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#1014
- Yeah, we did, we did. Look, look, look. - Oh, look at the board.
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#1015
- We did? - Yeah. We got something on here.
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#1016
Let's, um...
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#1017
Okay, should we see where we're going?
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#1018
- Yeah, where are we going? - Where we going? Where we going?
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#1019
All right, here we go...
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#1020
"Monkey Beer Island of green and fight."
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#1021
- Goddamn it. - That's not a place.
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#1022
- That's not a place? - No, it's not!
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#1023
No, it's not a goddamn place. You know what this is?
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#1024
This is the ramblings of four men who got very, very drunk last night
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#1025
on a mystery concoction invented by a wild animal.
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#1026
- Why can't we just be normal? - That is what it is.
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#1027
That's so weird.
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#1028
- Why would we do that? - Because the monkey beers
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#1029
were so delicious.
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#1030
All right? That-that monkey may have been a pervert,
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#1031
but he was also a genius, which is often the case in Hollywood.
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#1032
You know what I'm thinking? 'Cause I'm seeing a lot
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#1033
of empty whiskey bottles around,
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#1034
I'm thinking maybe that monkey was just pouring, like,
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#1035
half a bottle of whiskey in each beer.
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#1036
- You know? - That could be.
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#1037
Based on my hangover, I think that's what I'm feeling.
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#1038
- Goddamn it. - That tracks, that tracks.
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#1039
So, monkey beer is just whiskey...
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#1040
Whiskey-beer, yeah. ...beer?
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#1041
So...
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#1042
"Whiskey beer island of green and fight."
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#1043
- We're nowhere. We're nowhere. - Hey-o!
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#1044
Whoa, what the hell happened...
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#1045
You know what? Don't care.
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#1046
Do not even care 'cause guess what, dick nips.
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#1047
This big, dumb, flightless bird just booked a huge acting gig.
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#1048
Why don't you feast your eyes on "Obnoxious American MILF #1"?
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#1049
In your faces. That's right.
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#1050
And guess what. I leave tomorrow morning
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#1051
at 6:30 a.m. on a first-class flight
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#1052
'cause it shoots in Ireland, baby.
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#1053
Yeah!
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#1054
Body slam!
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#1055
- I mean, she... She comes in screaming. - That was the worst.
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#1056
- Screaming. - Cackling like a witch.
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#1057
Just screaming and screeching, like...
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#1058
Oh, my God.
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#1059
Oh, my God.
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#1060
- What? What is it? - I don't know.
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#1061
- I don't know. - You don't know?
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#1062
- Right? It wasn't clear. - Frank looked at me...
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#1063
Why did you guys act like you knew what it was, then?
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#1064
I don't know. We were all getting excited together.
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#1065
- I was excited... - And, yeah...
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#1066
Goddamn it. Frank, you tell them what it is.
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#1067
Yeah, what is it?
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#1068
I don't know what it is.
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#1069
- You don't... - Okay, yeah, we don't know...
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#1070
- We don't know what it is. - Guys, guys.
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#1071
"Whiskey beer island of green and fight."
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#1072
That's Ireland.
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#1073
Goddamn, you guys.
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#1074
What is this delicious drink? This is good.
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#1075
I was gonna go home and get some sleep,
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#1076
but I might have to get a couple soda pops in first,
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#1077
you know what I mean? Nice job.
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#1078
Mmm. Mmm!
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#1079
Ooh. Wow.
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#1080
Is that poop?