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Scrubs

Season 1, Episode 3 — My Best Friend's Mistake

#5
[makes elevator noise]

#6
I've been attending for three years. How come you know better?

#7
- In my gut I know I'm right. - We need to decide now.

#8
- Fine, then it's on you. - Yes, it is.

#9
Nurse.

#10
- Erasure. - Yes, doctor.

#11
I hate this song.

#12
Me too, man. Me too.

#15
♪ I'm no Superman ♪

#19
Our shifts keep overlapping on Friday nights.

#20
It's the closest thing I've had to a date recently.

#21
Well, I had a great time tonight.

#22
Oh, yeah. Me too.

#23
So, can I page you?

#24
You'd better. And don't do the two-day waiting thing.

#25
Oh, baby, I don't play by the rules.

#26
So, good night.

#29
Come on. I don't do this for all the doctors.

#30
Yes!

#31
[pistol shot]

#32
This guy's gonna need 40 mEq's of KCL.

#33
Grab me when you get the results.

#34
You got it.

#35
His TV is broken, so when you two start tagging each other,

#36
the least you can do is wake him up and let him watch.

#37
In my experience,

#43
I'll see ya.

#44
You're such a girl.

#45
Nothing was going on last night between me and Elliot.

#46
Good thing you still have your flower, then.

#47
[Turk] That song is like a virus.

#48
I'm just a little lonely, you know.

#49
I haven't been hanging out with Turk

#50
since he's been dating Carla.

#51
First of all, who's Turk?

#52
And don't answer. Look,

#53
if you have a medical question,

#54
I'm forced by hospital policy to answer you.

#55
However, if you ask me about a personal problem,

#56
I'm going to start doing this...

#57
Ow!

#58
You seem unhappy.

#59
I like that.

#60
♪ I try to discover ♪

#62
♪ Oh, baby, refrain... ♪

#63
I cannot get that stupid song out of my head.

#64
It's like a damn virus. Okay, here's his chart,

#65
his transfer note. Hemodynamically stable.

#66
Consider him officially turfed to medicine.

#67
T-Man. I'm gonna get my grub on.

#68
- Means he's gonna go eat. - Ah.

#69
- So, surgery went okay? - It was cool.

#70
Dude,

#71
I got to close for the first time ever. Ever.

#72
The human body is so disgusting.

#73
Not yours. Yours is stunning.

#74
We should go out and celebrate. Tear it up like we used to, just the two of us.

#75
What comes before Part B?

#76
[both] Part A!

#77
We used to tear it up.

#78
We should probably never do that again.

#79
Yeah.

#81
♪ Oh, baby, please ♪

#82
♪ Give a little respect to me ♪

#83
No!

#84
Don't let it be awkward.

#85
Do something cute.

#87
- Guess who? - I can't breathe.

#88
Okay, gang, it's time for rounds.

#89
Let's see who's The Weakest Link.

#90
[Kelso laughs]

#91
The Weakest Link!

#92
Now, then... Dr., uh... Simotas.

#93
Severe swelling of the lips in this patient

#94
might be an indication of what?

#95
- Angioedema. - Well done, sport.

#96
And what treatment would you recommend, Dr., uh... Dorian?

#97
A combination of steroids and any of several antihistamines.

#98
Attaboy, sport.

#99
Now, what would you recommend the patient stay away from,

#100
Dr., uh... Reid?

#101
My first guess would be shellfish.

#102
Right you are, sweetheart.

#103
Sweetheart?

#105
[♪ jazz]

#106
Right you are, sweetheart.

#107
- What do you want to watch? - Fletch.

#108
- Fletch it is. - Seen it.

#109
You haven't seen it with us saying all the lines.

#110
I'm so lucky I met you.

#111
Maybe next time her mom could come.

#112
Dude, you won't even know she's here.

#113
Except she'll ask some stupid stuff and that makes me laugh.

#114
It's stupid... Because it's so stupid...

#115
Oh, come on. Tonight's still about us.

#116
Whatever, I don't care.

#117
Turk, you wanna go hang out in your room?

#118
[pistol shot, feet running away]

#119
On the one hand, I know Dr. Kelso doesn't mean anything by it,

#120
and okay, maybe I am kind of a sweetheart...

#121
- I'm sleeping. - On the other hand,

#122
it just sounds so demeaning.

#123
You're not listening to a word I'm saying.

#124
It's not like he's my grandpa or anything.

#125
Anyway, J.D. always tells me how much you've helped him...

#126
He obviously hasn't told you about my ear-flicking policy.

#127
This whole groovy guidance counselor thing

#128
you people seem to have working, is a total fantasy.

#129
I'm not that guy. You can go and ask anybody.

#130
Now, you've got to leave me alone or I'll punish you.

#131
I guess sweetheart is kind of innocuous.

#132
Okay.

#133
Here's what you're gonna do.

#134
Go right down there and confront Kelso.

#135
- Really? - Oh, absolutely.

#136
Never mind that he is the Chief of Medicine

#137
for the entire hospital,

#138
he'll have a whole new level of respect for you.

#139
- Honestly? - Yes.

#140
You can't have sexist terms like that around here.

#141
You go get him.

#142
This guy looks stable but I still wanna get an EKG.

#143
[J.D.] Let's do cardiac enzymes...

#144
When you say sweetheart...

#145
...uh... and an aspirin.

#148
Look man, I'm surgery and you're medicine.

#149
This isn't college any more. Things have to change.

#150
I know relationships change,

#151
I guess I just thought yours and mine never would.

#152
What's going on with you, man?

#153
We always used to look out for each other.

#154
I just don't feel you have my back any more.

#155
- You really feel that way? - Yeah, I do.

#156
You do? Great.

#157
I'll get them from my locker, you can write me a check.

#158
Can you take a look at Mr. Bidwell?

#159
His temperature's starting to spike.

#160
Sure.

#161
[man] Legally, there's a huge difference.

#162
Stitch a patient, wind up sewing a sheet to him,

#163
that's an accident.

#164
He tries getting up,

#165
gurney collapses, breaks his front teeth,

#166
that's a lawsuit.

#167
Say it with me. Accident. Lawsuit.

#168
[all] Accident. Lawsuit.

#169
So, what is it, sweetheart?

#170
It's that, it's the sweetheart thing.

#171
It doesn't hit me right.

#172
I'm a doctor, it seems sort of disrespectful.

#173
I've always called young men "sport"

#174
and young ladies "sweetheart."

#175
But you call Becky "sport".

#176
Oh. Well, I am so sorry, sport.

#177
It must be one of those bad habits I've developed

#178
after working in the medical field for over 30 years.

#179
30 years? But you look so young!

#182
I don't get it, he was fine last night.

#183
Now he's diaphoretic, in and out of consciousness,

#184
maybe even septic.

#185
We won't know till his blood work's back.

#188
I've seen this before. Gauze, sponges,

#189
some young surgeon left something in this man.

#190
No, no, I know the guy that closed.

#191
He'd never be that careless.

#192
Okay, uh, excuse me, sorry.

#193
Has anyone seen my keys?

#194
No? Okay, how about my wallet?

#195
Anyone?

#196
I've never seen that before.

#197
♪ Oh, baby, please ♪

#198
♪ Give a little respect ♪

#199
♪ To me ♪

#200
Turk!

#201
Oh, Dr. Cox, have you seen Turk?

#202
Ow!

#203
Ow!

#204
Turk.

#205
Hey, I was just dreaming about you.

#206
You were... Well, we were...

#207
Hey, you got a few minutes?

#208
Don't move.

#209
No, no, no. Don't move.

#210
Have you seen Turk?

#211
Yeah, I saw him.

#212
He just went out that door.

#213
Turk?

#214
Aaaah!

#215
La, la, la. Can't hear you.

#216
- What? - Let me in!

#217
You love who?

#218
Mr. Kavanaugh, your arrhythmia's much better.

#219
Everything looks... just great, actually.

#220
You sound surprised.

#221
Well, okay, it has nothing to do with you.

#222
I had a run-in with Dr Kelso yesterday

#223
so when he switched me to you,

#224
I thought it would be a difficult case.

#225
Go on, I'm listening.

#226
Excuse me while I go check on another penis... patient.

#227
Um, well, he's a penis patient.

#228
Hey...

#229
- Turk! - [Turk] Hey!

#230
No, no, I gotta talk to you.

#231
No, no, no!

#232
Look, it's nine up, OK?

#233
We just lost our fourth, it's your ball.

#234
It's important I talk to you.

#235
This is not a joke either. This is real.

#236
It's surgical versus medical.

#237
- Your ball, you're shirts. - [Todd] Let's play.

#239
Don't bring in the same weak-ass crap the last kid did.

#240
Suddenly, I was so fed up

#242
[♪ rock guitar]

#244
[both] Ouch.

#245
J.D., I'm gonna show you...

#246
what... the ... deal... Oh... oh...

#247
[Becky] Throw the body out of here!

#248
Oh...!

#249
All right, that's game. What's so important?

#250
Okay, I was looking at Bidwell...

#251
- [pager beeps] - One second.

#252
Damn, I gotta go. But you played a good game.

#253
[Turk] You played a good game!

#254
I thought you sucked.

#255
Go get your grub on.

#256
Yeah.

#257
♪ Give a little respect ♪

#258
♪ To the Todd ♪

#259
- Hey, what's up? - You gotta be kidding.

#260
Yes?

#261
Sorry to bother you, sir.

#262
Well, if it isn't "sport".

#263
How are things?

#264
Did you see Mr Kavanaugh today?

#265
Yes.

#266
Yes, I did. Dr. Kelso, I just wanted to say, well...

#267
As far as the whole sweetheart thing goes, maybe I overreacted.

#268
Are you sure?

#269
I wouldn't want you to be the least bit uncomfortable.

#270
Oh, no... To tell you the truth, I have no idea

#271
what possessed me to say anything in the first place.

#272
You've got to leave me alone or I'll punish you.

#273
Absolutely no idea.

#274
Super.

#275
Then run along, sweetheart.

#276
♪ I try to discover ♪

#278
♪ Ooh, baby, refrain ♪

#279
♪ From breaking my heart ♪

#280
♪ I'm so in love...♪

#281
Have you seen Mr. Bidwell's blood work?

#282
No, it hasn't come back yet.

#283
Okay, have you seen Turk?

#284
Not since this morning.

#285
Well, I'm sure you'll end up seeing him before I do, so...

#286
Bambi, are you giving me attitude?

#287
What if I am?

#288
Sweetie, you have to be a minority sidekick

#289
in a bad movie to pull that off.

#290
- You know what I mean, right? - Oh, child, please!

#291
- You speak the truth. - [Carla] Explain it to him.

#292
First the hand, then the finger,

#293
then talk through the nose.

#294
Then give a lot of attitude, that's it.

#295
If you're not from there, you don't understand...

#296
- Okay, I'm gonna leave now. - [Carla] What?

#297
Oh, no, you didn't! Where you going? Where you going?

#298
[man] ♪ I hear you calling ♪

#299
♪ Oh, baby, please ♪

#300
♪ Give a little respect ♪

#301
♪ To ♪

#302
♪ Me ♪

#303
Thank you very much.

#304
- What? - Hi, how are you?

#305
I have a quick legal question. I'm just curious.

#306
What if, hypothetically...

#307
Oh, God! You killed somebody.

#308
- No! - Someone else did.

#309
- No, no one killed anyone. - Maimed, mutilated, disfigured.

#310
Let's not split hairs.

#311
I'm not sure there is a problem.

#312
I'm running tests, doing everything I should be doing.

#313
If you know about something,

#314
by not reporting it you're every bit as culpable.

#315
Is there anything you wanna tell me?

#317
- Anything at all? - Tell him.

#318
No.

#319
Scared the hell out of me.

#320
Dr. Cox...

#321
I'm hoping there's another Dr. Cox sat behind me.

#322
I feel stupid but, sending me to Kelso like that...

#323
I'm not sure what you were trying to teach me.

#324
The value, and this is important, of leaving me alone.

#325
We both know there's more to it than that.

#326
No, no, there's not.

#327
Look, I want you to go ahead and spread the word, missy.

#328
I've had enough.

#329
The next whiny intern that comes to me for a cookie and a hug,

#330
I swear to Aisha, I'm going to hurt them.

#331
And you, you neurotic, one-woman freak show,

#332
take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-ologist.

#333
If you're so stupid as to confront the Chief of Medicine,

#334
over some quasi-offensive endearment,

#335
then you've got to replace the captain of your brain ship

#336
because he's drunk at the wheel.

#337
You're right. I need to learn to pick my battles. Thank you, sir.

#338
You're welcome.

#339
And you say your husband hardly wore them?

#340
- Mm-hmm. - Fantastic.

#341
Oh, the blood work came back.

#342
Negative?

#343
How could they be negative? The guy looks like death.

#344
Hi!

#345
What happened?

#346
There's no infection. He's diabetic.

#347
So when someone gave him insulin during post-op,

#348
when he wasn't eating, he became hypoglycemic.

#349
That's funny, the only person that could've given him insulin...

#350
Uh-oh.

#351
Me!

#353
He's fine, Bambi.

#354
I gave him an amp of D50 and he's eating now.

#355
You should probably give him some orange juice in an hour.

#356
Carla, thank you so much. You totally saved my ass.

#357
No, it wasn't me.

#358
- Look, Turk. - Come on, man.

#359
You know I always got your back.

#360
I know.

#362
I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.

#363
Okay, um...

#364
You've had a rough day so I'm gonna let that go.

#365
Thank you.

#366
We're gonna find time to hang, man.

#367
We're both really swamped right now

#368
and I'm hanging out with Carla a lot, I know.

#369
But if there was someone you were into

#370
wouldn't you be doing the same?

#371
Oh, crap!

#372
Did Nurse Roberts sell you these?

#373
[countdown clock beeps]

#374
You don't wanna hear about my day.

#375
You're right. Kiss me.

#376
Right now?

#377
We can wait three, four seconds.

#378
But I just ate, I feel gross.

#379
Not gross, pretty. Come here.

#380
J.D., can we just talk for a second?

#381
It never fails.

#382
[man] How're you doing?

#383
Went to high school with her.

#384
We worked at Penguins Yogurt.

#385
[man] I met her on a bus.

#386
She'll come around.

#387
Pretzel?

#388
Thank you.

#389
The first few weeks have been so hard for me,

#390
mentally, physically, emotionally.

#391
It's like math camp all over again.

#392
Not that I've ever been to math camp, it's an expression.

#393
I use it all the time.

#394
- Come on. - Anyway...

#397
but you know what?

#401
I can't believe you lost our bottle opener.

#402
Yeah, I know.

#403
I miss it so much it hurts sometimes.

#404
You're a bad person.

#405
[Turk] Don't judge me.

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