Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S14E08 — Paddy's Has a Jumper

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 14, Episode 8 — Paddy's Has a Jumper

#1
But Miss Covington does not govern the lady of the house.

#2
If you'll have me as your husband,

#3
that is what you shall be.

#4
- Whoa! - What?

#5
Oh, my God. I did not see that coming.

#6
Well, no... I mean, Lord Davenforth

#7
and Anna the scullery maid?

#8
I mean, that's... it's kind of scandalous, really.

#9
- Kind of scandalous? - Yeah.

#10
I usually hate this old-time British crap.

#11
- Oh, yeah. - You know? But, like,

#12
this-this show is amazing.

#13
- Yeah. - It's good. It's...

#14
They actually knew that you would love it 'cause of the algorithm.

#15
The... the what?

#16
The-the algorithm.

#17
Yeah, all of our previously-watched shows,

#18
they go into a data bank, so they can accurately predict

#19
which shows you'll love moving forward.

#20
So they knew what was gonna happen.

#21
See, the algorithm, it takes thinking

#22
- out of the equation, basically. - Hmm.

#23
Well, that's because math and computers can think

#24
better for us than we can think for ourselves.

#25
Yeah... ooh, shut up, shut up.

#26
I-It's decided we're watching another one.

#27
Ah, I love that it does that, too.

#28
Another thing I don't have to think about.

#29
You know what I mean? I-I...

#30
What I am thinking about, though, is the fish and chips.

#31
The fish and chips.

#32
- These snacks aren't cutting it. - Where's Frank?

#33
- I want substance. Where is Frank? - Need something hearty.

#34
- He supposed to be here... - It is weird how, when

#35
you watch stuff like this,

#36
you feel like you want to eat like the British.

#37
Constantly want to eat like...

#38
Cop! Cop!

#39
- All right, fine. - I'm filming this!

#40
- Hey, hey, hey. Calm down! - I didn't do it...

#41
I came in to tell you there's a suicidal man on the roof.

#42
He's threatening to jump.

#43
We have nothing to do with that!

#44
Right. Well, the police are handling it,

#45
but I need you to sit tight.

#46
No one can enter or exit the building

#47
until the situation is resolved.

#48
- Oh... - Okay. Thank you, ma'am.

#49
- Thank you for your service. - Yeah, we love,

#50
- we love the police. - Go blue.

#51
Blue-Blue Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter.

#52
Sh-Shit, man. You guys know what this means, right?

#53
What?

#54
We're not gonna get our fish and chips.

#55
Sync & corrections by Costa Dax www.addic7ed.com

#56
Shifting gears now, we have reports

#57
of a developing situation at Paddy's Pub.

#58
- Oh, that's us. There we are. - Hey. All right, there we go.

#59
- We're on TV. Oh, my God. - That's our bar.

#60
A man by the name of Bryan O'Brien

#61
is threatening to jump off the roof.

#62
"Bryan O'Brien".

#63
I'd kill myself, too,

#64
if I had that clown's name.

#65
You literally have the name of a clown.

#66
- That's true, you do. - All right, you know what?

#67
This is moving a little too slow for me.

#68
Let's-let's-let's click it back

#69
- over to the show, yeah? - Yeah!

#70
Uh, whoa, h-hold on a second, Dennis.

#71
Uh, this guy's gonna commit suicide off of our roof.

#72
I mean, shouldn't we do something?

#73
- Us? - Us do something?

#74
- Why would we...? - The cops are handling it.

#75
- Yeah. - Well, yeah, but I mean, look,

#76
if he actually goes through with it, that's a mortal sin.

#77
I mean, maybe God is testing us.

#78
He's not gonna do anything. This is a classic cry for help.

#79
If the guy actually wanted to off himself,

#80
he'd hop into a warm bath and he'd do the old...

#81
You know? North, south.

#82
- Hmm? - Hmm?

#83
He'd go "down the road" instead of "across the street".

#84
You know what I mean?

#85
- I don't know what you mean. - I have no idea what you mean.

#86
The proper way to slit your wrist is take a knife

#87
and, ideally, you go from metacarpal straight to bicep,

#88
connecting with the artery

#89
- the entire time. - Oh, man.

#90
- Oh, you've done research. - Ugh.

#91
- That is the most pathetic thing, Dee. - No, I... I-I'm not talking...

#92
we're not talking about me. We're talking about him.

#93
- Are we not? I think we're... - We are now.

#94
Okay, you know what? The point is, I'm just saying,

#95
the man has no intention of offing himself, all right?

#96
- This is a pathetic attention grab. - Yeah, well,

#97
it-it doesn't matter if he wants do or he doesn't want to.

#98
He's not gonna die falling from that height.

#99
Whoa. Hard disagree, pal.

#100
You could absolutely die if you jump from that height.

#101
What? Dude, it's like three stories.

#102
It's like basic science, you know, like...

#103
Uh, oh, I'm sorry. Let's not bring science into it.

#104
Okay? I mean, this is life or death.

#105
This is God's territory.

#106
All right? I mean, there is no science.

#107
- All right. - What do you mean...

#108
What do you mean "there is no science"?

#109
I mean, you were just talking about how much you love

#110
science and math for predicting your television shows.

#111
The... wh-why do you not like it in this scenario?

#112
Like, uh... do you either believe in science

#113
or you do not believe in science?

#114
I am an American! I can believe in whatever I want...

#115
- I am also an American. Okay, though? - ...in any given moment

#116
based on what the argument I'm trying to make.

#117
- That is not an argument. - Okay? You are not

#118
a true American, Charlie.

#119
I'm more American than

#120
- you will ever be! - You s...

#121
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Simmer down, guys.

#122
S... just simmer down, calm down.

#123
All right? Dee, stop being so emotional.

#124
Okay? So, guys,

#125
I think I have a way that we can solve this argument

#126
without human emotion mucking it all up.

#127
What we need is an algorithm.

#128
Now, guys, we are living in a data-driven world, are we not?

#129
Yeah!

#130
So this is my Behavioral Predictor algorithm.

#131
- Oh. There's words. Okay. - Mm.

#132
- So, first we have: "Could he?" - No way, uh-uh.

#133
- Then "Would he?" - Nah. Cry for help.

#134
- Mm-hmm. - And "Should we?"

#135
- Yes. - Guys, please.

#136
Shut the hell up!

#137
I don't need your opinions.

#138
Okay? 'Cause based on the analytical conclusions

#139
that we draw here, we're gonna be able to come up

#140
with a mathematically-accurate, non-emotional answer

#141
to all of our questions.

#142
Okay? We just need to think like a computer.

#143
- Oh... - Oh.

#144
Like a computer does.

#145
- I-I'm getting it now. - Okay.

#146
Exactly. So why don't we start with "Could he?" Charlie?

#147
- Okay, great. - Do the thing.

#148
All right. So, what we have here

#149
is I made a little Paddy's Pub.

#150
- All right. - Ah.

#151
And-and you got the, uh, the jumper?

#152
Uh, I do. I do.

#153
Uh, luckily I brought an egg to work today.

#154
- Oh! Look at that guy. - All right, so when the guys falls,

#155
we'll be able to tell, based on the breakage,

#156
what would happen to the jumper when...

#157
- I think he's gonna smash. - Y-Yeah, okay.

#158
- Here we go. - So, he's up here

#159
and he's saying, "Oh,

#160
- I feel so sad. Life is so..." - Oh, yeah.

#161
Oh.

#162
Yeah, Dee, what would you say in this situation?

#163
Well, I don't think

#164
he's sad, I think he's happy to get off this merry-go-round.

#165
Oh, my God.

#166
- That's so pathetic. - I'd never... I would never...

#167
That you would know that.

#168
- You've thought about it. - You asked me a...

#169
- You had that in the chamber. - I'm talking about the egg.

#170
- Here he goes. "Goodbye, world". - Goodbye.

#171
- Oh. - Okay.

#172
So I think he'll break a leg, but, you know...

#173
- Mm-hmm. - ...he'll be okay.

#174
Hmm.

#175
If I'm being honest, I was hoping his entire skull

#176
- would just explode. - Right.

#177
I think we all were, Mac. We were hoping

#178
- for a bit of an explosion. Yeah. - Uh-huh.

#179
Yeah, but I think what we learned is that there's no way

#180
that the jumper's gonna die from this height.

#181
You know? So there's no reason for us to do anything about it.

#182
Uh, I don't know about that, b... I think the problem is, is that,

#183
you know, an egg, i-in this particular case,

#184
a-a hard-boiled egg, it's not really

#185
an accurate representation of-of the human head

#186
- and how it would behave under a fall. - Yeah, that's true.

#187
Now, Charlie,

#188
do you happen to ha... I know you've got more eggs...

#189
- Yeah... - Do you happen

#190
to have an uncooked one?

#191
Ugh. No. Unfortunately, that was the only one I found.

#192
Found? What does that mean?

#193
Goddamn it, Dee, are you eating my egg?

#194
Well, yeah. I got hungry.

#195
- Oh... - Uh, we never got our fish and chips.

#196
You bitch. That was the only one in the nest.

#197
Nest? What? Charlie, where did you get this egg?

#198
- Where'd you get the egg? - And why are you going around

#199
stealing eggs from goddamn nests in trees?

#200
Well, it wasn't in-in a tree, it was in a hole.

#201
- Oh, no... - Yeah. I mean,

#202
it's, like, a rat's egg or something.

#203
Can we get back to the task at hand here? All right?

#204
Okay.

#205
Dee's eaten some sort of a rat or a reptile's egg...

#206
...of some kind,

#207
- or whatever it is, but... - Yeah.

#208
...either way, we got to find something

#209
that accurately represents the human head, all right?

#210
Otherwise, we're not gonna get the explosion that we want.

#211
Oh, you know what, I might be able to get

#212
Frank's secret casaba melon.

#213
Mmm. Hmm?

#214
Why does Frank keep a casaba melon in the safe?

#215
Hmm? I don't know, but he flips out

#216
if I go anywhere near the thing.

#217
Has he cut a hole in the rind,

#218
and then put it back on, like a plug?

#219
- Oh, yeah. - Oh.

#220
- Yeah, there's a little... - You guys think he's

#221
having sex with it?

#222
- Well... yeah. - He's definitely having sex with it.

#223
Oh, that's...

#224
Prob-Probably is.

#225
- Yeah. - Probably is.

#226
- Yeah. - Hello.

#227
Hey, guess what.

#228
There's a guy stuck on the roof of Paddy's.

#229
Oh, no, he's not stuck, he's a jumper.

#230
A jumper? You think you could die from that height?

#231
Uh, well, inconclusive. Yeah.

#232
We'll have an answer for you on that real soon.

#233
Speaking of which, we need your casaba melon.

#234
We're gonna run a smash test on it.

#235
Whoa, hold it. What, what, what?

#236
Stay away from my stuff.

#237
Don't put your hands near my casaba.

#238
Yeah, hey, man, why do you have a-a casaba melon in a safe?

#239
You-you banging it?

#240
It's none of your goddamn business, Dennis.

#241
- None of your goddamn business! - Banging it.

#242
- Yeah. - Yeah.

#243
Damn it, I got to get in there.

#244
Damn it.

#245
Dennis is touching my melon.

#246
No. I got to get in there.

#247
Sir, move back. This area's cordoned off.

#248
There's a jumper on the roof.

#249
You don't understand. It's my son.

#250
He's gonna do something really stupid.

#251
I got to get in there.

#252
Oh, your son?

#253
- Yeah. - Come with me, sir.

#254
- Okay. - Step aside, please.

#255
Ladies and gentlemen, please keep a safe distance

#256
- around the perimeter. - All right, here we go.

#257
Oh, okay, now, I think this is finally gonna give us

#258
that explosion we've been craving.

#259
Well, yeah. Now, if we see splatter,

#260
that's gonna prove that he could die by jumping, so yeah.

#261
Okay, ready? Here we go. Five...

#262
Four, three,

#263
two, one, ho...

#264
- Cricket! - Cricket!

#265
- Cricket. - Where did you come from?

#266
I was up on the roof getting eggs from a nest.

#267
What the hell? Come on, man.

#268
Yeah, yeah, well,

#269
I checked the hole, but it was empty.

#270
- Oh, I got the one in the hole. - The hole.

#271
Hey, you know that you guys have a guy up on your roof?

#272
- Yeah, we know. - Oh, yeah, yeah.

#273
There's a guy, there's a jumper.

#274
Guys, why the hell are you wasting

#275
a perfectly good casaba melon?

#276
We're trying to figure out if the guy could die

#277
from falling off our roof, so...

#278
Oh, no way. No.

#279
I've fallen off buildings before; I never die.

#280
And look at me. I'm doing great.

#281
Yeah, but you're not really a trustworthy

#282
control group, Cricket.

#283
I mean, you know, you're sort of subhuman

#284
at this point, you know.

#285
- For sure. - I don't know how

#286
to squeeze that one into the algorithm.

#287
Hey, I'm just going to, uh, take the casaba and head on out.

#288
No, you're not, Cricket.

#289
- Get out of here, street rat. - Go!

#290
- Get out! Go. - Fine.

#291
Go get high in the bathroom, or whatever.

#292
Cricket actually just made me realize something.

#293
We already have data for this situation.

#294
Maureen Ponderosa.

#295
Now, she died from falling off a much shorter building.

#296
- Yeah, but you pushed her. - No, no, no, they never proved that.

#297
That was never proven.

#298
It was never even proven that she was pushed. Okay?

#299
But it was, I have to say, fortunate

#300
that she landed on her head, you know.

#301
Or at least he certainly made it look that way.

#302
- He pushed her. - Yeah, he pushed her.

#303
No, I was following your threads.

#304
Come on, you guys are nuts, all right.

#305
Li-Listen, the point is, it's all about

#306
how this guy falls, okay.

#307
'Cause if he falls feet first, he might break a couple bones,

#308
sure, but he-he'll be fine,

#309
he'll survive, you know what I mean?

#310
That'd be more of a cry for help, right?

#311
- Wouldn't you say, Dee? - Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

#312
- So sad that you know that. - Stop!

#313
But if the guy falls head first, now that'd be a death jump.

#314
Right? So the answer to the question

#315
"could he die from jumping?"

#316
Yeah, absolutely, if he did a death jump.

#317
Okay, you're right. It's how he falls.

#318
Exactly, exactly. But the question still remains:

#319
would he jump, would he do it at all?

#320
And for that we need to understand his state of mind.

#321
And for that, we got to go back to the algorithm.

#322
All right, so how does one go about figuring out

#323
what another human being would do?

#324
Right? How do you truly get to know someone?

#325
- Just go through their trash. - Sleep with them.

#326
- Oh. - Uh, talk to their priest,

#327
then sleep with their priest.

#328
Then blackmail the priest.

#329
Then go back to the priest and ask him to ask God

#330
to forgive you for blackmailing him.

#331
No. No.

#332
You just, uh...

#333
We're just gonna pull up Bryan O'Brien's social media page,

#334
and we're gonna comb through that for any

#335
pertinent information on his life.

#336
Okay, so from what I'm seeing here,

#337
he looks like a pretty normal guy.

#338
Yeah, it looks like he likes to travel.

#339
He was recently on a cruise.

#340
Lot, lot of pictures of food. I love that.

#341
- Oh, I love that. - Oh, I love that.

#342
- Don't you love that? - 'Cause I know what I ate.

#343
I don't know... I want to know what you ate.

#344
It's a good reminder that food is a thing.

#345
- Yeah, exactly. Right. - You know what I mean?

#346
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay, so it looks like

#347
he's got a lot to live for.

#348
- He's eating food. - Mm-hmm.

#349
Or-or-or is he?

#350
Because is... is that just what he wants you to believe?

#351
You know, because we all know that on the surface,

#352
social media... it's a lie.

#353
All right, so let's dig deeper, shall we?

#354
Now, clock the amount of baseball caps

#355
this guy's wearing, and with the tucked-in shirts,

#356
it's a bit of a juvenile look for a man his age,

#357
wouldn't you say? I mean, he's hardly a child,

#358
but he's still hanging on to his youth.

#359
That suggests to me that maybe he's got some daddy issues.

#360
- Mm-hmm. - Abandonment, abuse.

#361
Plus, he gave him a comical name, like Mac's dad did.

#362
His dad hates him as much as Mac's dad hates him.

#363
That's so sad.

#364
No, my dad loves me. That... No, my name's an homage.

#365
- No, it's not. He really doesn't. - My dad's name's an homage.

#366
It's an homage to a hamburger clown.

#367
But, uh, oh, look at this, looks like he also, uh,

#368
just got back from a cruise, alone, to mainland Alaska. Oh.

#369
- Lame. - Where he met himself an edgy woman

#370
at a conference, and she introduced him

#371
to a whole new way of life:

#372
parasailing, Chilean wines, a tattoo

#373
of Spider-Man, butt-eating...

#374
Butt-eating? Where are you getting that from?

#375
Well... there's a certain glint in the eye, you know, a sparkle.

#376
You can see that in someone's eye?

#377
- Oh, Dee. - I'm asking.

#378
- Have you been eating butts? - Of course she has!

#379
- Nasty! - You are too much today, Dee.

#380
- I was clarifying. - You're nasty.

#381
- Too much. - I just was curious.

#382
But recently the girlfriend, she's disappeared

#383
from his pictures, which tells me that,

#384
uh, she probably broke up with him, you know, because

#385
of all his father issues, and 'cause he's an alcoholic,

#386
and because of the copious requests for butt-eating,

#387
which, she was thinking was more of a one-time thing,

#388
and he was thinking, this is a thing now, like, from now on.

#389
You got him. Nice work, man.

#390
- Yeah. Geez. - That sums this guy up, I think.

#391
All right, guys, so in summation,

#392
algorithm-wise, what have we learned here today?

#393
- That Dee's a nasty fucking slut. - You are so nasty.

#394
- Okay, all right. - You nasty!

#395
- Disgusting. - Definitely, definitely,

#396
but also that the poorly named

#397
Bryan O'Brien most definitely would kill himself.

#398
- No-no-no... - So has your son exhibited

#399
this kind of behavior before?

#400
What? Oh, yeah, he's a real deranged person.

#401
This kid's a real whack job.

#402
I'm afraid he's gonna do something really stupid

#403
this time. I got to get in there.

#404
- I can't let you do that, sir. - But-but, look, it might've been

#405
my fault. I mean, we had an argument...

#406
I assure you we're doing all we can.

#407
We're trying to talk to him now.

#408
- So just stay put. - But-but, hey...

#409
Excuse me, sir, I'm Jackie Denardo

#410
from Channel Five News.

#411
* Oh, oh, whoa. *

#412
I hear you're the father.

#413
I would love to interview you.

#414
Baby, I'll do anything you want.

#415
My son is actually a big fan of yours.

#416
- Oh. - I mean, it would

#417
really get under his skin

#418
if he knew I was standing next to those.

#419
Uh, you. You.

#420
Okay, guys, now we are on to "Should we?"

#421
Should we get involved in this in any way?

#422
Is it our moral obligation, as Mac says,

#423
to keep this man from committing suicide

#424
- and going to hell... - What... I feel... I don't know.

#425
I still think we just better, like,

#426
- let the cops do their jobs. - Mm-hmm.

#427
Mm, I don't know. But we've already established

#428
that this guy could die and would jump,

#429
so, I don't know, the chances of the police getting in there

#430
in time to-to stop this guy are, uh, pretty slim.

#431
And then we could be known as a suicide bar,

#432
and that's no good. I don't want to be that.

#433
Yeah, kind of grim. I'd probably take my business elsewhere.

#434
You don't have business.

#435
Oh! What, uh, what if you lean into that, though?

#436
Right? Like, you don't make it grim, but you make it playful.

#437
Like, we start to name drinks after jumpers or whatever,

#438
like, uh, The Last Call.

#439
The Jump Shot.

#440
Lemon Drop.

#441
- Right. - Oh. There you go.

#442
Cosmo-fall-itan?

#443
- Oh! - Very good.

#444
We could become, like, a hot spot for jumpers.

#445
You know? We'd put their pictures up, all around the bar

#446
- to immortalize them, you know? - Oh, yeah.

#447
Turn them into martyrs.

#448
That's cool. And we'd play music. We'd play music.

#449
Uh, "Highway to Hell". "Free Fallin'".

#450
"Free Fallin'". Come on, man. That's...

#451
You know what we could do?

#452
We could lean into, like, a-a haunted, a haunted house

#453
- kind of bar theme, like... you know? - Oh, well, I'm loving that.

#454
- Yeah, that'd get my business back. - You don't have business,

#455
- Cricket. - You don't have business, guy.

#456
Basically, what we've concluded is that it would actually

#457
be good for the bar if this guy jumps and dies.

#458
Yeah? So the answer to the question

#459
of "should we get involved?" is... is actually yes.

#460
- Huh? Why, though? - Yeah, but-but

#461
if-if we stop him, that would be bad for the bar, right, Dennis?

#462
W-Well... No, that's not what I'm saying, though.

#463
More importantly, that's not what the algorithm is saying.

#464
You see, we've already established that this guy wants

#465
to die and that it would actually benefit our bar

#466
if he dies.

#467
Now, of course, from an emotional standpoint,

#468
we feel as though we should get involved,

#469
we feel as though we should save this guy,

#470
but the algorithm is actually telling us

#471
that that does not benefit anybody.

#472
- Hmm. - The algorithm is telling us,

#473
mathematically, scientifically,

#474
that this guy could die, wants to die,

#475
and that we should help him do it.

#476
That's just math.

#477
- Oh. - Hmm.

#478
Well, it still feels a little weird,

#479
but feelings are irrelevant in the face of facts.

#480
- Yeah. - Is that what I'm hearing?

#481
The feelings... feelings just get in the way.

#482
Now, but here's-here's the only thing, though.

#483
Like, if we were gonna do something like this,

#484
- like... - Mm-hmm?

#485
...you know, how would we do it?

#486
Like, in the right way?

#487
Do we need to do another algorithm to figure this out?

#488
Eh.

#489
- Nah, I'll push him. - Huh?

#490
What's that?

#491
Yeah. I'll push him off the building.

#492
I don't give a shit.

#493
This is such a difficult situation for any parent.

#494
Yeah.

#495
If you could, would you like to say anything to your son?

#496
Oh, yeah. Look, you think you can do whatever you want,

#497
but what's mine is mine.

#498
You don't have a call.

#499
If I want to bang it, I'm gonna bang it.

#500
Not that I am banging it, but I could.

#501
And if it doesn't splatter to bits,

#502
I'm gonna bang it later.

#503
Because it's my property.

#504
And what I do with my property is my business.

#505
- You got that? - I-I'm sorry to interrupt,

#506
but we have breaking news.

#507
- Eh. - I've gotten word

#508
- the jumper is coming down. - Oh.

#509
I've been told he found out his estranged father is here

#510
- and he wants to come down and talk. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's call...

#511
- He's calling me strange? - Wait, wait...

#512
You don't know what this sicko kid has done.

#513
Okay, Cricket, uh, here's a broom.

#514
You probably sneak up there, give him a little nudge,

#515
and, uh, you know, don't let anyone see you

#516
- commit the murder. - Whoa, uh...

#517
Guys, can-can we just not call it a murder?

#518
Let's try to think of it more analytically,

#519
more mathematically. It's sort of like a deletion.

#520
You know? Like hitting Control-Alt-Delete.

#521
Bloop. He's in the trash.

#522
- Oh, that's all it is, right? - I like that.

#523
- That works for me. - Uh-oh.

#524
Blip. He's gone.

#525
Breaking news right now. Uh, there's some clarification.

#526
The jumper did not jump. He did not jump from the roof.

#527
He is coming down the stairs.

#528
G... oh, dude, that's... What a gyp.

#529
- Yeah. Yeah. - We were gonna... we had a good plan.

#530
Can I say something, though? I think this is for the best.

#531
Right.

#532
- You know what I mean? - Probably.

#533
That's not the algorithm...

#534
- Right. - Like, we were going down a road

#535
- I was not totally comfortable with. - Ooh, ooh, ooh.

#536
You guys want to go back to watching our show?

#537
- Let's get back to our show. - Right?

#538
The show.

#539
- All right. - Why are we watching this stuff?

#540
- Okay. Yeah, okay. - The guy didn't even jump.

#541
That's boring.

#542
Chet, what we are about to witness here

#543
is a father being reunited with his son after a harrowing day.

#544
- Here he is now. - Yeah. Hey...

#545
This isn't my dad.

#546
That's not Dennis.

#547
I thought you said you were the dad.

#548
Not of this sad sack.

#549
I'm sorry, kid. Must've been a mix-up.

#550
I got distracted by the reporter's bagonzas.

#551
Speaking of melons, there's a casaba

#552
with my name on it in there.

#553
Dear Anna, our time apart only makes my heart grow fonder.

#554
- In the dead of night... - Oh!

#555
Hey, you got our fish and chips?

#556
- Ate 'em. - Uh...

#557
- You ate 'em? - Wow.

#558
Hey, wait, wait.

#559
- Where's my melon? Where's my casaba? - Oh...

#560
It's right here, man. Why do you care so much about this thing?

#561
- What is the deal? - Ah...

#562
Yeah, what is the deal with that?

#563
- Ugh. - Oh.

#564
- Ah... - Oh, God.

#565
Ugh!

#566
It's where I stash my Maui Kush.

#567
- You hide your weed in a casaba melon? - Yeah.

#568
In case the cops ransack the place,

#569
you got to find a good, unsuspecting spot

#570
to stash your drugs.

#571
Pot's pretty much legal now.

#572
You don't really have to stash it anywhere.

#573
I-I don't think you have to hide it, man.

#574
When did that happen?

#575
- Can you move? - You're blocking our show, man.

#576
Yeah.

#577
- Come on, man. - You're blocking the show.

#578
I didn't know that.

#579
What? You're still watching that British show?

#580
I mean, that's a bunch of crap.

#581
- It stinks. - Uh...

#582
Uh, well, no, actually,

#583
the algorithm told us that we like it.

#584
- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. And-and, um...

#585
- Yeah. - I don't. You know what I mean?

#586
Like, I can't follow what they're saying most of the time.

#587
Thank you for saying that. I find it very boring.

#588
- Okay, now, I... - It is boring, right?

#589
I hate the plot because it's absurd.

#590
The plot is ridiculous.

#591
- Right? The scullery maid? - And their teeth,

#592
I find them hard to look at.

#593
The teeth are a little bit of a mess, but mathematically

#594
- we're supposed to like the show. - Uh, yeah,

#595
I know, but mathematically

#596
we were supposed to kill a man today.

#597
Maybe that's, like, part of the problem

#598
of, like, taking the humanity out of decisions.

#599
Perhaps the science just isn't there yet.

#600
Hey! Where did we land on the casaba?

#601
I-I think you can eat it, man. I think we're done with it.

#602
- Yeah, we're done. - Yeah.

#603
Oh!

#604
- Yeah, baby. - Eh.

#605
I wouldn't eat it, Cricks.

#606
It's full of loads.

#607
Sync & corrections by Costa Dax www.addic7ed.com

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