Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S14E10 — Waiting for Big Mo

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 14, Episode 10 — Waiting for Big Mo

#1
MAN: Tonight, look upon the evl

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that you did.

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ANNOUNCER: A Christmas Carol premieres December 19 at 7:30 on FX.

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ANNOUNCER: FXX presents...

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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

#6
Goddamn it.

#7
Come on, get in there!

#8
Charlie, what are you doing, man? What are you--

#9
-What's going on over here? -Oh, I'm trying to get

#10
each of my toes

#11
in these five-fingered shoes, you know what I mean?

#12
But there's, like, something's dropping off

#13
and I can't tell where my pinky is.

#14
Why did you get the stupid five-finger shoes?

#15
Well, you're always yelling at me

#16
for taking my shoes off in laser tag,

#17
so I figured I'd get some shoes

#18
that are like-- a lot more like bare feet.

#19
-I don't know why you're alwaysyelling at me about... -Well, I'm always

#20
yelling at you because when you're taking your shoes off,

#21
you're not holding your gun.

#22
And also, you know, the cheese you've eaten,

#23
it-it's always oozing out of your feet

#24
and it's an awful smell.

#25
That's the cheese I hide in my shoes,

#26
-that's where it is. -Okay, well-- What?

#27
I can't even, like, fit cheese in these shoes.

#28
These things suck.

#29
Just guard the base, man.

#30
Kind of sick and tired of guarding the base.

#31
What if we go out there, run around?

#32
I want to go out there and have some fun, man.

#33
We gotta guard the base. That's what we always do,

#34
and that's what we figured out works a long time ago.

#35
Plus, we're-we're waiting for Big Mo.

#36
Waiting for who?

#37
We're waiting for Big Mo, man.

#38
The-the hotshot kid and his crew

#39
that are climbing up the leaderboard.

#40
Yeah, he's gonna be gunning for our base

#41
and we need to protect it.

#42
Ah, who gives a shit, man? There's always

#43
some hotshot kid gunning for our base.

#44
Look, Charlie.

#45
How long we been playing laser tag?

#46
-A long time. -A long time, baby. Yeah.

#47
Some people might thinkthat's sad, but that's not sad.

#48
-I think-- I think it's awesome. -That's not sad, that's cool.

#49
I think the longeryou're in the game, the better,

#50
-you know what I mean? -Yes, yeah, no, definitely.

#51
Look. We're the best, we're-we're awesome,

#52
but, um, I'm-I'm done. I'm moving on.

#53
-I'm... -No, no, no, no, no! No, stop. Stay.

#54
We're playing the game the way we always play it,

#55
and we're...

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waiting for Big Mo.

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DENNIS: All right.

#58
Everything's going to plan out there.

#59
Yeah, but it does sound like

#60
people are out there having fun, you know?

#61
-What's with you today, man? -I don't know.

#62
I'm bored. I want to do something different.

#63
What about, uh, what if we do some riddles?

#64
-Riddles? -Yeah.

#65
Frank and I have been doing a lot of riddles

#66
to kill the time, you know what I mean?

#67
It's... I think

#68
we'll have a little bit more fun that way.

#69
No. I'm just gonna guard the base.

#70
Yeah, I know, but here it comes.

#71
Why do blind people hate skydiving?

#72
I don't even understand how that's a riddle.

#73
Well, 'cause it's a-a very hard one, okay?

#74
-So try-- take a guess. -I don't know. Why?

#75
'Cause it scares the hell out of their dogs.

#76
That's not a riddle.

#77
Yeah, it's a riddle about blind people, you know?

#78
-No. -And-and their dogs, I guess.

#79
No, what you've told me is a joke.

#80
No. Jokes are funny and that wasn't funny.

#81
I didn't say it was funny.

#82
-Then how is it a joke, Dennis?-

#83
Um-- Okay, you know what? Yeah.

#84
No, that was a mind-bending riddle.

#85
-Wow. -It's a tough one, 'cause you don't think...

#86
-AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning. -Wait, wait, wait. Shh.

#87
-Listen.

#88
That could be Big Mo. Get ready.

#89
Get ready, here we go.

#90
-MAC: Get off of me! -DEE: Ah! Get off me!

#91
-Stop it! -Dennis, everything was going perfectly.

#92
I was up in the air ducts, just like you said.

#93
-Oh---I was sniping at the red base.

#94
I was at the blue base doing the exact same thing.

#95
-What is...?-I tried to crawl down the ducts

#96
and pass this uncoordinated monkey.

#97
-We go by each other... -We got tangled up

#98
and then she spit in my mouth, Dennis.

#99
-She spit in my mouth. -I spit in your mouth

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after you jammed me in the titwith your scrawny little elbow.

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My elbows are massive and you have no tits!

#102
-Your elbows suck! -Ah. Damn it!

#103
Goddamn it, can you do nothing right?

#104
This is all your fault.

#105
I've been warning you

#106
about your lack of elbow mass for weeks.

#107
You idiot! You fool!

#108
And you!

#109
You're doing a great job.

#110
Okay?

#111
You are killing it out there, and I'm so proud of you!

#112
-Now I need you both to get back up there and... -CHARLIE: Wait.

#113
I-I actually got an idea.

#114
Like, what if you guys don't play the game

#115
up in the air ducts this time,

#116
but you go down on the floor?

#117
Where everyone's having all the fun?

#118
They look like they're having so much fun

#119
-playing laser ta... -Will you shut up?!

#120
This isn't about having fun. Okay?

#121
This is about staying alive and winning. Okay?

#122
And-and it's also...

#123
it's also about getting these.

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Now, Mac...

#125
what are these?

#126
Fun Zone dolla dolla bills, y'all.

#127
Fun Zone dolla dolla bills, y'all.

#128
Okay?

#129
I'm trying to get that paper, son.

#130
All right?

#131
Win, stay alive,

#132
get dat money.

#133
Feel me?

#134
I feel you.

#135
-But those guys are having fun.-DEE: Yeah.

#136
And doing something fun out there.

#137
-And that's what I want to do. -DENNIS: Hey, man.

#138
Could I talk to you for a second, please?

#139
-Yeah. What's up? -What you doing, man?

#140
Why-why you... why you mucking things up?

#141
I mean, I got things down to a science, okay?

#142
-Everything's working. -DEE: Stop it. -Ah, ah, ah!

#143
I know, but, like, these guys are ready to kill each other.

#144
-It's like... -I know, but that's what I want, okay?

#145
I need their aggression at a ten.

#146
That's when they're most effective.

#147
So I withhold compliments from Mac,

#148
because that makes him angry and subservient,

#149
so he'll do what I tell him to do.

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And I shower Dee with compliments

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because she feels so undeservingof compliments

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that she gets angry at herself

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and she takes that anger out on the children.

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-Oh. -See?

#155
Okay. It's another riddle.

#156
Let me think on that one, Dennis,

#157
'cause I don't know the answer...

#158
Okay. Yeah. You think on that for a while.

#159
I'm gonna do my thing.

#160
-You stop. -You stop. -Goddamn it, Mac,

#161
you thin-elbowed little goblin.

#162
You never cease to disappoint me

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in everything you do.

#164
Now get back up in those ducts

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and snipe those other kids' bases.

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And don't come down until I tell you to. And Dee--

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You really are killing it out there.

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I'm so proud of you.

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You're so deserving

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of my love.

#171
Yeah, see?

#172
We just gotta keep playingthe game the way we always have.

#173
Yeah. Hey, is the answer to your riddle, uh,

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an ice cube?

#175
Yeah.

#176
Yep, you got it.

#177
-That was a hard one. -AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning.

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Pew, pew.

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-Pew. -DENNIS: Oh.

#180
Pew, pew. Pew, pew.

#181
-Pew, pew. Oh. -What are you doing, man?

#182
I'm killing it out there.

#183
I haven't been hit once.

#184
It's really a lot of fun.

#185
But I wanted to come and hang out with you guys.

#186
Hey, hey, Charlie, you want to do some riddles?

#187
-Yes! -No, we're not...

#188
-No, that doesn't... -Yes. Yes, I do, hit me.

#189
Is a fart a ghost?

#190
Is a fart a ghost? Whoa, that's a hard one.

#191
I don't know. What's the answer?

#192
Yeah. It's the ghost of lunch. Ha-ha!

#193
-Very good, man! -Good riddle.

#194
-That's a good one. -Great.

#195
-Yeah, yeah. -All right, so, off you go.

#196
Hey, you know, that's also making me realize, dude,

#197
-I'm pretty hungry, man. -FRANK: Ooh.

#198
-Yeah. Whoa. -Yeah, yeah.

#199
Get some, get some cheese out of your shoes.

#200
Yeah, you know what? I couldn't fit any,

#201
'cause I got these stupid five-finger shoes.

#202
-Yeah, I don't... -Hey, get back out there, man. -Yeah, yeah.

#203
No, well, actually, go out to the lobby really quick

#204
and get me, like, some chicken wings.

#205
-You want hot sauce on 'em? -DENNIS: No.

#206
I forbid it. Absolutely not.

#207
What-- Dude, what is the big deal, man?

#208
-What's the big deal? Y-- Uh...-Who even cares?

#209
I mean, his pack's not even on,for crying out loud.

#210
Charlie.

#211
What'd you say?

#212
-Nothing. -It's time we told him, dude.

#213
-No, it's... -It's time.

#214
Uh...

#215
My pack's not on?

#216
-I... We...

#217
We-we turn your pack off

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so that when you're running around getting shot up,

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our team doesn't lose any points.

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But my gun still makes noise.

#221
Well, no-- Well, that's you doing that, bud.

#222
No, it isn't.

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Pew, pe--

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Yeah. See, that's you, bud.

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Oh, that is me.

#226
-Yeah. -Yeah, man.

#227
So-so I'm not part of the team?

#228
-Aw... -Well, no, you--

#229
No, you're a very, v-very valuable part of the team.

#230
You know? Y-You're an amazing decoy.

#231
You know, you run around, you're screaming,

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and you-you add sort of like a monster element to the game

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that distracts and frightens but entertains the kids,

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and, you know, so that Mac and Dee can shoot their bases

#235
from the ducts.

#236
I'm the monster of the game?

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-Well, yeah, but, like, you're like a fun monster.

#238
Yeah, like the Cookie Monster.

#239
I'm the Cookie Monster?

#240
-Not really, you know, 'cause...-No, well, I guess not

#241
-because... -There's no cookies.

#242
Well, and also the kids are scared of you

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-and they're not really scared of him. -No.

#244
Uh, but, you know, we need you out there

#245
because you're very valuable to the formula.

#246
And the formula works, you knowwhat I mean? Uh, you can...

#247
I'll tell you what, go backout there and, you know, just--

#248
you can still make the sounds.

#249
-This is really sad... -No. Uh...

#250
-...and I'm gonna turn his pack on because... -No, no, stop.

#251
I-I got it. I'll do it. I'll do it.

#252
-I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. -Yeah?

#253
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine. -All right.

#254
Thanks anyway, Charlie. He's gonna do it.

#255
Oh. Oh, that makes some good sounds.

#256
-It's cool, right? -: That's really cool.

#257
Oh. Ah, I'm all set.

#258
All right. Get out there and kick some ass, pal.

#259
Yeah.

#260
That's not cool, man.

#261
-Come on, dude.-Shut up, man. Just... shut up.

#262
He just believed it.It's-- you know, it's not cool.

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DENNIS: It's pretty cool.

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CHARLIE: I don't know.

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CHARLIE: Hey, what do you think he looks like?

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DENNIS: Who?

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Big Mo.

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I don't know.

#269
Some fat little brat probably.

#270
Oh. Oh, is that a riddle?

#271
What?

#272
What the kid looks like. Is it, is it a riddle?

#273
Charlie, do you not know what a riddle is?

#274
Yeah, sure. It's like a, like athing you don't know. Right?

#275
No, it's not just a thing you don't know.

#276
It's like a, it's like a puzzle.

#277
All right, here's a riddle. Uh...

#278
"The more you have of it, the less you see." What is it?

#279
-Cantaloupes. -What?

#280
Cantaloupes is your answer, because if you're

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holding a pile of cantaloupes,

#282
: you're not gonna beable to see very much.

#283
-Right. No. -You know? Especially if it goes past your face.

#284
-No. That's not the answer. -You telling me you can see through a pile of cantaloupes?

#285
That's not the answer to the riddle.

#286
The answer to the riddle is... darkness.

#287
Right? The more you have of it,the less you see. Darkness.

#288
Yeah, but how are you gonna holda pile of darkness? Does that...

#289
My God, uh... Hold on, hold on. Wait.

#290
-What is this? -CHARLIE: What's up?

#291
DENNIS: W-We're dropping down the leaderboard.

#292
We're in second place.

#293
-Oh, shit. -Mac and Dee are getting shot up like crazy.

#294
-AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning. -MAC: Hey-o!

#295
-Oh, you guys, that is fun! -What the hell

#296
is going on out there? You guys are getting lit up.

#297
-Oh. -Yeah, well, you know, what Charlie said

#298
kind of made us stop and think about

#299
what the whole point of this was.

#300
Yeah, yeah. And we figured the point is to

#301
-just be happy and have fun, right? -DEE: Yeah.

#302
You know what we did? We-we went down to the "Fun" Zone

#303
instead of the "Maintenance" Zone in the ceiling.

#304
-: Oh...

#305
The Maintenance Zone. That's awesome.

#306
Oh, my God. That's such a great joke.

#307
I would never-- How do you evencome up with this stuff?

#308
:You're so worthy of my laughter.

#309
You're so worthy.

#310
No. No, no, she's not worthy of your laughter. She...

#311
She told the lamest joke earlierabout a blind guy

#312
-and a dog or some shit... -Yeah. -CHARLIE: Hey!

#313
That's not a joke, that's a riddle.

#314
And don't steal my shit, you stupid bird-faced bitch!

#315
-Oh! She is a bird. She is a bird! -Don't steal my shit, Dee!

#316
-I'll blast you to pieces! -Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

#317
Now we're jamming. Now we're jamming.

#318
-Let's get back out there, Mac.-DENNIS: No!

#319
No, wait, wait. No, no, no. You can't just go running

#320
out there alone. That doesn't work.

#321
Okay, you guys are justrunning around all willy-nilly,

#322
doing whatever the hell you want. We can't do that.

#323
All right, listen. U-Uh, Mac, Mac.

#324
Tell me something, man.

#325
Who-Whose face...

#326
is on the 100 dolla dolla bill?

#327
Rutherford B. Crazy, of course.

#328
Rutherford B. Crazy. That's right.

#329
Now, uh, why he be crazy, Mac?

#330
-Well, uh... -I never thought about it.

#331
I don't... -DENNIS: Well, I'll tell you why.

#332
See, my man had a dream.

#333
To get into the laser beam business.

#334
Right? And he never gave up on the fundamentals.

#335
He stuck with what works.

#336
And now he get to go out and bewhatever the hell he want to be.

#337
-He get to be crazy. -MAC: Uh,

#338
I don't think Rutherford be a real person.

#339
-CHARLIE: Yeah... -That's a cartoon.

#340
No, no, no-- no, not this guy.

#341
Uh, I don't know who this guy is.

#342
I'm talking about the real guy.

#343
The guy who, like, built this place 30 years ago.

#344
That guy. He had a plan, he stuck with it, you know,

#345
and, uh, and now he gets to be whatever he wanna be.

#346
-You know, he get to be crazy. -DEE: Okay.

#347
So we aren't allowed to be happy now,

#348
but as long as we are unhappy for long enough,

#349
-eventually we can be happy? -DENNIS: Well, I'm not saying

#350
you g-get to be happy; I'm saying...

#351
being happy isn't the goal.

#352
The goal is to play the gameand grind it out until the end.

#353
And then at the end, then you can,

#354
then you can go crazy.

#355
At the end of what?

#356
I don't-- the game. The-the game!

#357
You know, whenever we're playingthe game. You know what I mean?

#358
And when is the end of the game?

#359
I don't know. Whenever the game ends, okay?

#360
Whenever we're back on top of the leaderboard

#361
and we got all thedolla dolla bills we need and...

#362
Can I ask you guys a question?

#363
It feels like we've been playing this forever.

#364
-Does-does that feel like that to you? -A lifetime.

#365
Feels like a lifetime.

#366
-Yeah! -I feel like I was born in this game

#367
-and I will die in this game. I-I... -DEE: That's right.

#368
And this is the first time I'm having fun in this game.

#369
-Yeah. -No, but-but it's not about-- again, it's not about fun.

#370
So just, let's just stick with what works. Yeah?

#371
-Nah.-Nah, we're gonna go back thereand have fun.

#372
Let's have fun!

#373
-Man, I want to have fun. I want to have fun. -Goddamn it.

#374
-This is getting out of control, man. -AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning.

#375
Oh! Ha!

#376
It's a madhouse out there.

#377
I was bobbing and weaving like crazy.

#378
All right, nice. At least somebody's out there

#379
-doing what he's supposed to be doing. -Oh, yeah.

#380
I created a great little diversion.

#381
I told this one dad that another dad said

#382
that his kid had a tight little dumper.

#383
-Oh. -Oh!

#384
-That caused a riot. -It did? -Yeah, I'll bet.

#385
-Yeah, it worked. -Hey, home run, Frank.

#386
-Yeah.-Although I'm a little surprised

#387
it's not helping Mac and Dee more. They're getting

#388
-slaughtered out there in the war zone. -Yeah. Whoa.

#389
A war zone? I was in the Wing Zone.

#390
You know, it was such a line.

#391
I mean, I had to create a meleeto disperse it.

#392
Goddamn it, Frank! You weren't supposed to get wings!

#393
-Oh, shit, did you get hit?

#394
-Did you get hit? -Oh. No, no, no, no.

#395
No, Charlie. That's my signal that the food is ready.

#396
-Oh! -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

#397
-I'm gonna go. -Nice. Get some wings, baby.

#398
FRANK: All right, I'm gonna get some wings.

#399
Wait, wait, wait, Frank, before you go,

#400
-hang on, hang on. Let me, uh... -No, don't-- Charlie.

#401
-No, it's just so simple. Ready?-Charlie. -What?

#402
Oh!

#403
Charlie.

#404
-That's the way. -Pretty good, right?

#405
-Now we're talking. I'll be back. -All right.

#406
-See you, Frankie! -Okay!

#407
See how happy he was? I made a sound, too,

#408
-'cause I feel like that was...-You are messing it up.

#409
-CHARLIE: Dude... -: You are messing it all up!

#410
-CHARLIE: Can we just go play? -DENNIS: No, we-- No!

#411
We have to wait for Big Mo.

#412
Why do you care so much about this kid?

#413
Goddamn it, Charlie! Don't you get it, man?

#414
It's not the kid.

#415
Okay, it's not the kid, it's-it's...

#416
it's what the kid represents.

#417
What, obesity?

#418
No! Not obesity.

#419
I don't even know if the kid's fat. He's just called...

#420
-He's probably fat. -He's probably fat.

#421
Yeah. Obesity rates being what they are,

#422
-he's a fat kid. -It's out of control.

#423
-Feel like all those kids are fat. -Well, most kids

#424
I see running around here are pretty fat...

#425
They eat so much sugar these days, man.

#426
-Well, it's in everything. -Whatever.

#427
The point is, like, I...

#428
You know, there's always some Big Mo, some kid coming in.

#429
He wants to shoot you up, and he's--

#430
he wants to take what you got.

#431
I don't want to give him what I got.

#432
What, I'm supposed to give it to him, man?

#433
I'm just supposed to let him have it?

#434
Who gives a shit about the Big Moes of the world, right?

#435
'Cause we, we play the game, we play the game,

#436
but it's not like we ever win anything.

#437
Dude, what are you talking about?

#438
We've-we've been winning for years, man.

#439
You know. We're the best!

#440
Yeah, but, like, it's not likewe have anything to show for it.

#441
Whatever, dude. I got mad dolla dolla bills.

#442
When those dolla dolla bills stop coming in

#443
because we stop playing the game...

#444
dude, you know, you're not gonna have those

#445
little plastic army guys that you like to play with.

#446
-Oh, shit. -You set 'em all up and you have 'em "pew..."

#447
That is how I get them. I get them here.

#448
You-- Oh, and the little box of bouncy balls that you love?

#449
-They bounce so high! -Dude, what is that?

#450
-It's like the bounciest technology in the world. -Exactly.

#451
-Why is that? -I don't know.

#452
And you can only get 'em here.

#453
But you lose 'em 'cause they bounce too high.

#454
Yeah, you'd lose them sometimes.

#455
-But you-you eat 'em. -Nah.

#456
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've seen youput 'em in your mouth.

#457
I've just tested 'em, you know, see...

#458
-You tested 'em? -Tested 'em out, and

#459
sometimes I'm testing them in my stomach

#460
just to see how they pass.

#461
-Well, that's eating. -Nah.

#462
-Okay. But either way, pal, you like 'em, right? -I do.

#463
You want more of 'em?

#464
-I do. -Gonna need them dolla dollabills to-to-to get more of 'em,

#465
which means we got to stay on top of the leaderboard,

#466
we got to win at the game.

#467
And-and-and what about our reputation, man?

#468
-Oh... -Think about, like, our-our legacy, dude.

#469
-You know what I mean? -Yeah.

#470
We've been in this game the longest, right?

#471
But when we stop,you think they're gonna throw us

#472
some kind of parade?

#473
-They're not, no. -Hell no, man.

#474
We're just gonna be a-a bunch of dudes

#475
who, who played the game once,

#476
you know? You want to be a ghost?

#477
-No. -Like the, like the fart

#478
of meals past? You just dissipate into the air,

#479
and then everybody forgets thatyou ever smelled up the place?

#480
-What do you mean I disappear? -Like a fart, man.

#481
That's what I'm talking about.

#482
'Cause that's what Big Mo is. That's what he represents.

#483
It's like a, a death.

#484
-Death?! -A dissipation. That's right.

#485
So if you're talking about goingout there and having some fun,

#486
all alone, by yourself, to see what's out there?

#487
You know what I mean? You're giving this all up.

#488
Okay? And you're not just givingup being at the top

#489
of the leaderboard at some, you know,

#490
laser-amusement-themed park, man, you're talking about

#491
giving up everything. Everything.

#492
Everything we built.

#493
-Everything we worked so hard for. -Goddamn it, you're right.

#494
That's the death! We'll be done! We'll be gone!

#495
-Exactly, it's a death. -We won't exist!

#496
And we don't know

#497
if we're ever gonna achieve that success

#498
-ever again just out there. -Damn it, all right,

#499
fine, you're right. We got, we got to guard this space,

#500
and we can't let Big Mo come in here!

#501
That's what I'm talking about, man.

#502
That's what I'm talking about.

#503
CHARLIE: Oh, shit, though. We'regoing down the leaderboard, man!

#504
DENNIS: Hey, we can get it back, man.

#505
-We got to protect the base, okay? Are you with me? -Yes! Yes!

#506
I'm never gonna stop playing this game!

#507
-AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning. -I'm never gonna stop... -Chicken wings!

#508
Okay, yeah, let me get some.

#509
-Here you go, here... -Come on, let's do it.

#510
All right, baby.

#511
-What are you doing?! -Got wings.

#512
I was trying to keep Charlie focused,

#513
and you ruined everything with your goddamn wings, okay?

#514
We get him wings at the end! At the end!

#515
This game is going on too long!

#516
Look, man, WWRD, right?WWRD. What would Rutherford do?

#517
-Hmm? -Who?

#518
Rutherford B. Crazy, the guy, the guy,

#519
the guy who built this entire emp-empire.

#520
-What would he do? -He'd do nothing. He's dead.

#521
I'm talking about the guy. The real guy.

#522
-Not-not the cartoon. -Nah, the real guy.

#523
Rutherford B. Crazy. He's actually, his real name

#524
-is Larry Takashi. -Ah?

#525
Yeah. I worked with him in the '90s. He's dead.

#526
-Huh. -That, that can't be right.

#527
-No, it's true. -AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning.

#528
-Did you see the look on that kid's face

#529
when I grabbed his glassesand I-I threw 'em on the ground

#530
-and stomped all over 'em? -He blasted us to pieces,

#531
but it was worth itjust to see his little ass cry.

#532
Oh, Charlie, you got to get out there with us.

#533
It's so fun. We're finding all kinds

#534
-of corners of this place that we've never explored before. -Yeah, I'd love to,

#535
I really would, but we're actually--

#536
we're losing right now.

#537
-MAC: Losing? -I got to stay here.

#538
-What? Yeah.-Huh? Who cares if we're losing?

#539
Dennis said, like, if-if-if we, if we leave the base,

#540
death is gonna come in the form of a fat kid

#541
who's gonna turn us into fart ghosts

#542
or something like that. So I got to stay.

#543
-What? -Death is gonna come in the form of a fat child,

#544
who will turn us into a fart.

#545
It sounds crazy now that I'm saying it.

#546
Dennis explained it a lot more better.

#547
Dennis, we can't leave the base, right?

#548
That's the deal?

#549
No.

#550
Frank was right.

#551
Rutherford B. Crazy's real namewas Larry Takashi.

#552
Yeah, and he was the founderand owner of Laser Tag Fun Zone.

#553
Yeah. So what, though?

#554
Well, apparently, he killed himself.

#555
-Really? -What?

#556
Yeah. He offed himself about three years back now.

#557
-Oh. -Just opened his 100th Laser Tag Fun Zone,

#558
and he drove himself to a wishing well

#559
and threw himself down it.

#560
Well, uh, hang on. Maybe it was a,

#561
-maybe it was an accident. -Oh.

#562
Uh, no, he wrote a suicide noteon a Fun Zone dolla dolla bill,

#563
and it said, "It all meant nothing."

#564
-Ugh. -Damn, man.

#565
-Pretty grim. -That's bleak.

#566
-That's kind of bumming me out.-It's clear. Very clear.

#567
-Killed my appetite. -DENNIS: Mm-hmm.

#568
Nobody came to his funeral.

#569
According to this, his employees all hated him,

#570
and his family barely knew him.I mean,

#571
the guy was miserable.

#572
But he spent his life building this empire,

#573
and-and it all meant nothing?

#574
Shit. So Rutherford be rich.

#575
Rutherford be successful as all hell.

#576
But you know what else Rutherford be?

#577
Rutherford be right.

#578
Because it all means nothing

#579
if you're not enjoying it.

#580
The dolla dolla bills, you know?

#581
The reputation, the longevity, even the game itself.

#582
What the hell does it matter if you're not having fun?

#583
You know, if you're not having fun anymore,

#584
than screw it. So if something deep down inside you

#585
is telling you it's time to move on,

#586
then maybe that's what we should do.

#587
So that's it?

#588
That's it.

#589
-Time to end the game? -Time to end the game.

#590
Goodbye, base?

#591
Goodbye to the base we've held down for so long.

#592
I am gonna miss it.

#593
But it's time to let Big Mo have it.

#594
MAC: Hey, Big Mo.

#595
Oh, what? You thought we'd gone?

#596
You'd like that, wouldn't you?

#597
We ain't going anywhere.

#598
We're never leaving, you little piece of shit.

#599
DENNIS: Let him have it.

#600
Yeah, light him up.

#601
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH

#602
Tonight, look upon the evil that you did...

#603
Ebenezer Scrooge.

#604
ANNOUNCER: A Christmas Carol premieres December 19 at 7:30 on FX.

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