Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S13E10 — Mac Finds His Pride

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 13, Episode 10 — Mac Finds His Pride

#1
Mac, Mac, open up!

#2
Let me in! There's no time to waste! Come on!

#3
Come on, man! I know you're in there!

#4
Oh, that's it! I'm coming in!

#6
I just opened up the old cut.

#7
Why didn't you open the door?

#8
- It wasn't locked. - Come on, we got to get going.

#9
You got any ice in there? Ow.

#10
They put me in charge.

#11
It's a gay pride parade or something.

#12
Can I use this sock?

#13
Oh, my God.

#14
We're making a float for the parade,

#15
to rope in the gays.

#16
Ow! But we only got 24 hours.

#17
I'm gonna use this newspaper.

#18
I stuff it up.

#19
I plug it. Okay.

#20
Well, you're gonna be our prize gay.

#21
You're gonna dance on top. They told me to get you.

#22
I told 'em, "I don't get the whole gay thing."

#23
I drew the short straw, so here I am. Let's roll.

#24
I-I don't want to do that, because I-I just...

#25
I don't know where I fit in as a gay man,

#27
Oh, Christ! Now?

#28
They give me one job and I got to deal with your feelings?

#29
I-I don't know. I-I...

#30
I'm not feeling very proud.

#32
And-and, to be honest, now that you're gay,

#33
I get you even less.

#34
Nothing against it.

#35
I just don't get it.

#36
But let's try and work together, okay?

#37
Help me help you, all right?

#38
All right. I guess. Sure.

#39
Okay. Let's go find your pride.

#40
Where exactly are you taking me, Frank?

#41
Your problem is you're only hanging out with straights.

#42
I'm gonna take you to a club where you can meet a few guys,

#43
maybe snap you out of that funk you're in.

#46
You're just scared, is all.

#47
You got to meet a couple of normal gays.

#48
And, by the way, when we're in there,

#49
you got to watch my back.

#50
If one of these queens comes at me, I'm gonna go berserk.

#51
Frank, you're a 75-year-old man

#53
I'm sure you're safe.

#54
Yeah.

#55
L-Let's try to blend in.

#56
Okay.

#57
Ooh.

#58
Jesus Christ, Frank.

#59
Isn't this what all gay guys are into?

#60
I-I don't think so, but, either way, I know I'm not into it.

#61
A-All right, all right, relax.

#62
Let's hit the buffet. We'll hang back.

#63
We'll scope out the scene.

#65
Ooh. This is a much better spread

#66
than they have at the straight orgies.

#67
- Yeah, I don't feel comfortable in here. - Oh. Hmm.

#68
I know. That's why you got to jump in headfirst.

#70
I don't want to get smacked around.

#71
That's part of the culture, Mac.

#72
It's a very small subset of the culture.

#73
And it's totally fine for these guys,

#74
but it's just a little too much for me.

#75
Too... Ow. Oh, and this cut.

#76
I got to take 'em out and restuff.

#78
- Mm, I got to plug it, gotta plug it up. - Oh!

#79
- You're putting it in the chicken? - Got to... Yeah.

#80
- What are you... Oh, my God. - No, I got to keep it plugged.

#81
Ooh, ooh, ooh, that's spicy.

#82
Ooh, there must be some hot sauce on them wings.

#83
They're buffalo wings.

#84
- Let me try one. - Don't eat the god... Oh, Frank.

#85
Oh, look out. Incoming.

#86
Um, how may we help you?

#88
Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

#90
No. Because you put your nose rags in the chicken.

#91
Oh, uh, excuse me, Your Highness, I'll be more careful.

#93
to let my boy Mac here take you for a spin?

#94
I'm not a prostitute.

#95
- You do this for fun? - Yes.

#98
- I... You see, I drew the short straw. - Okay.

#99
- Uh, let's go, Frank. I'm so sorry, sir. - That's it.

#101
No, no, no. No, Goldilocks, we're not going home.

#104
I-I admit it. Fine.

#105
We're gonna go someplace softer.

#108
So, you see anything you like?

#109
Not really. These are drag queens, Frank.

#110
Come on, Mac. Help me out.

#111
I'm sticking my neck out for you and you're giving me nothing.

#114
I mean, one false move,

#115
these fairies could poke me full of holes.

#116
Fairies? What year is it in your head?

#117
Well, help me out here, man.

#120
as a top or a bottom?

#122
Oh, I haven't come out to him yet.

#123
Well, maybe that's it.

#124
You got to tell your dad.

#126
I-I feel like I got to show him.

#127
And-and I've been working on something, actually,

#128
but it's just gonna take me a few more weeks, so...

#129
No, no, weeks, weeks, no.

#130
We got to be on that float tomorrow.

#132
You just don't... you don't know what's going on inside of me.

#133
Well, I'm sure there's five or six superviruses

#134
- eating out your insides. - No, no.

#135
I mean the struggle to be who I am.

#136
I-I just want to show him, so that he can understand.

#138
Okay, well, there's...

#139
there's, like, this storm inside of me

#140
and-and it's been raging my whole life.

#141
And-and I'm down on my knees and-and I'm-I'm looking

#142
for answers and then God comes down

#143
to me-- and it's a very hot chick--

#144
and she pulls me up and we start dancing, okay?

#145
W-Wait, wait, wait.

#147
- who is God? - Yes.

#148
- The Catholics really fucked you up. - Oh, you didn't get it?

#149
- I'm never gonna get it. - Okay. All right.

#150
- Let me start at the beginning, I'll... - No, no. Wait.

#151
Christ, I'm sweating.

#152
My-my head is exploding.

#153
I'm gonna try some of this... put a little of this...

#154
It'll be good.

#155
Aah! Aah!

#156
Ah, shit!

#157
Ah, that burns.

#158
Oh, Christ, it's swelling.

#159
Frank, I think your nose

#160
- is infected, man. - No, no, no, no.

#161
I got... I'm using this insulation

#162
to plug up the flow. I just...

#163
Yeah, that seems safe. Oh, shit! Here he comes.

#164
- I'm freaking out. - Don't-don't dance around it.

#165
Just tell him. Rip the Band-Aid off.

#166
- He'll be cool. You'll see. - He'll be cool.

#167
- Yeah. - Yeah, he's cool, he's cool.

#168
Yeah.

#169
- Go for it. - Yeah.

#170
H-Hey.

#171
Hey, Dad! H-Hey, it's, uh...

#172
it's-it's been a couple years.

#173
- So, how you been? - Yeah.

#174
My cellmate ratted on me for having an extra pillow.

#175
I cut out his tongue with a rusty pair of pliers

#176
and fed it to the maggots.

#177
Cool...

#178
Very cool.

#179
So, um...

#180
there's something that, uh,

#181
I've been meaning to tell you for a while now.

#182
Uh-huh...

#183
All right, there's, like, a storm inside of me, all right?

#184
And-and-and... and God sent me an angel...

#185
an angel, and this... this angel is a woman.

#186
No. Don't.

#187
And this woman and I-- we start dancing,

#188
and we get very passionate, and then...

#189
It's all very confusing, but in the end,

#190
something new is born.

#191
Well, wha-what he's trying to say...

#192
Oh, I know exactly what he's trying to say.

#193
My son...

#194
finally knocked someone up.

#195
I'm gonna be a grandfather.

#196
- Uh... - Finally!

#197
Someone to carry on my name.

#198
Yeah, I mean...

#199
You know, I-I could carry on your name.

#200
Yeah. Son, listen to me.

#201
I never really got you,

#202
you know?

#203
But now,

#204
I see that there's hope for you yet.

#205
Well, I-I mean, not with your life,

#206
but with the life of your son.

#207
Well, we don't know that it's gonna be a boy.

#208
Hey, if it's not a boy,

#209
you flush that shit out and try again!

#210
Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

#211
I'll flush that shit out, and you...

#212
I'm gonna give you a boy, Dad.

#213
I'm gonna be a grandfather.

#214
We will! Dad, you are gonna be a grandfather. Daddy.

#215
Uh, Dad? Dad?

#216
Hey, Dad? Yeah, Dad.

#217
Oh, no, he had to go. The guards called him back.

#218
The guards called him back.

#219
Oh, that went well.

#220
Frank? Frank?

#221
- Aah! Ah, this goddamn cut! - Yeah...

#222
- Oh! - Trying to plug it up.

#223
- Whoa! - But I can't stop it.

#224
- Holy shit! - Oh.

#225
I'm using lemon juice and hot glue to close up the wound.

#226
- Uh, yeah, okay. - Huh?

#227
- All right, look, where's Mac, dude? - Huh?

#228
Mac. You were supposed to get him. Where is he?

#229
- Yeah! - Yeah! Well, is he... is he here? Come on.

#230
- He's coming. - All right, well, good.

#231
Well, he's super late, though. Come on.

#232
No big deal if he doesn't do it, right?

#233
I mean, we could find somebody else.

#234
Someone else? Come on, come on.

#235
What are you gonna have you, me, dancing on top of the gay float?

#236
- No. - No, no, the press'll murder us!

#237
- We need an authentically gay man. - Huh.

#238
They'll see right through it, man. They'll kill us.

#239
I didn't know you guys were taking this so seriously.

#240
We're taking it very seriously.

#241
You know what? I got something to show you.

#242
Come look, okay? That will change everything.

#243
Hey-oh!

#244
Holy shit!

#245
- Yeah, right? - Right?

#246
- I mean, this thing's amazing, man. - Aw.

#247
Like, it's got a working bar, it's got these confetti cannons.

#248
- Huh. - It's even got, like, a shower

#249
- that's gonna pour water on Mac... - Ooh.

#250
...while he does his, like, sexy gay dance

#251
or whatever the hell he's been working on this whole time.

#252
- Yeah. - So, the only thing that's missing...

#253
- Yeah? - ...is Mac!

#254
Yeah. Uh, uh...

#255
Yeah, good, good. No problem, I got that covered.

#256
- I got it. - I hope so, dude,

#257
'cause you only had one job to do, man.

#258
I got it, I got it.

#259
Go, go. Don't mess around the bar. Go!

#260
Sure. What? Ugh!

#261
Who the hell are you?

#262
Who the hell are you?

#263
Oh!

#264
Ah, no!

#265
- Mac! - What do you want, Frank?

#266
You were banging that broad, weren't you?

#267
You're-you're trying to get a girl pregnant

#268
just because that's what your father wants you to do!

#269
- Ah! Ah! Ah. - No. Frank, that's not what it is, man.

#270
You don't understand.

#271
You're going back in the closet, aren't you?

#272
I can't stand it. Nobody can stand it. Ah.

#273
I'm not going back in the closet, all right?

#274
I-I just need to come out to him my way,

#275
and I'm not ready to do that yet, all right?

#276
Ah! Ah! I don't care!

#277
You're coming with me, you're going on that float.

#278
No! Frank, I'm not ready.

#279
I don't want to do it, and you can't make me.

#280
Fine! Fine. Okay.

#281
Stay here and bang your broads

#282
and feel sorry for yourself. You know, I don't care.

#283
I don't need you. I'll get another gay.

#284
Somebody way hotter than you.

#285
Hey-oh!

#286
Allow me to introduce Paddy's top gay,

#287
a man everybody in the neighborhood knows,

#288
everybody loves.

#289
The gay that will rope in all the gays.

#290
- Cricket! - What?

#291
- Hey! Huh? - Oh! Ah, ha, ha, ha.

#292
Oh! (laughs) Yeah.

#293
- Huh? - Yeah.

#294
What the hell, Frank? Where's Mac?

#295
- Mac's out. - Why?!

#296
- I think he's going back in the closet. - Goddamn it.

#297
You had one job: get the gay man to dance on the gay float.

#298
- I know. No, he's, he... - It's not that hard.

#299
We got a problem. We got a problem.

#300
Dennis doesn't want to drive.

#301
Now he's saying he's claustrophobic under there.

#302
What is Cricket doing here?

#303
- Because Frank blew it! - Aw, come on, man.

#304
- You had one job to do. - That's what I said.

#305
Cricket's gonna do the dance. Dance, Cricket. Go. Dance.

#306
No. No, no, no. He look... Oh, God. No! Come on, man.

#307
- No. - He looks like a monster,

#308
and you look like a monster.

#309
We're not trying to invite a bar full of monster men.

#310
We're-we're looking for high-spending gay men.

#311
Yeah, but get Dennis to dance.

#312
You can't get the straight man to dance.

#313
The press would murder us.

#314
The press doesn't give two shits about us.

#315
Frank, it's 2018, and you're the only person

#316
who doesn't seem to understand gay culture.

#317
That's true. That's true.

#318
My head is swelling with blood.

#319
Goddamn it, Charlie. We got to be there in 20 minutes.

#320
All right. You know what?

#321
Um, Cricket, fine. You can dance. Let's go.

#322
- Yo. - Frank, can you at least

#323
- drive the thing? Let's go. - Yeah. All right.

#324
- Yes. - You're driving. You'll squeeze in there.

#325
- You drive. - Come on, man.

#326
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.

#327
Lady, I'm not going anywhere until I see an Abraham Lincoln.

#328
Here you go.

#329
What is this? What is this?

#330
- Like, 73 cents. - No. I-I said Abraham Lincoln.

#331
- There's a bunch of Lincolns in there. - Oh, those are pennies!

#332
- Okay. You want to give it back to me? - Well, no. Hold on.

#333
- Okay, you're gonna do it? - Yeah, I'll do it.

#334
- Yes, of course I'll do it. - Then go do it. Go!

#335
All right, now wait a second.

#336
How do you turn it on? First the lights.

#337
What is that?

#338
Oh, that must be...

#339
Okay, let's see what we got here.

#340
Okay, uh, "Start north on Second Street.

#341
Turn right on... Dickens Avenue."

#342
Straight to... What the...?

#343
Oh. Oh, shit. I...

#344
Oh, God. Oh, this is ridiculous.

#345
Oh, shit, I can't do this.

#346
You know what? Screw this.

#347
No good.

#348
Mac?

#349
Mac?

#350
Mac, come here. Let me in. Let me in.

#351
I'm gonna break the door down!

#352
One. Two. Three.

#353
Whoa. Ah, sh...

#354
Ah, shit!

#355
Jesus, Frank, that's a lot of blood. Is that from just now?

#356
Oh, no. No, that's from earlier.

#357
You-you see, Mac, I've been in agony the whole day,

#358
but I came to this realization

#359
that sometimes you got to let the blood flow

#360
in order to start the healing.

#361
Some cuts you just can't plug up.

#362
That's the same for you. You got this thing inside you,

#363
and you're trying to plug it up.

#364
But you got to let that shit out.

#365
You got to let it flow.

#366
Otherwise you're gonna be in agony for the rest of your life.

#367
So you're saying that if I dance on the float,

#368
that maybe I'll find my pride?

#369
No. No, forget the float.

#370
That's just doing it for the wrong reasons.

#371
You got to do something else.

#372
I got you a couple things

#373
from the float that you can use.

#374
I paid off the warden.

#375
They think they're seeing a Blake Shelton concert,

#376
and I put your dad in the front row.

#377
All right, I just...

#378
I just don't know if I can do this, Frank.

#379
Mac, I don't get it, and I may never get it,

#380
but I do know you got to do this.

#381
You said you want to tell your dad your way.

#382
So, now, do it.

#383
Yeah. Yeah.

#384
Hello, gentlemen.

#385
Dudes.

#386
Unfortunately...

#387
Blake Shelton will not be making it today.

#388
But, uh, he did send me in his stead,

#389
and I've got something special to show you.

#390
Uh, my name is Ronald McDonald, and...

#391
I named him that.

#392
I got something that I got to tell you, Dad,

#393
and I've been trying to find the best way to do it, and...

#394
I just thought instead of saying it,

#395
maybe I could just show you how I feel inside.

#396
Dad...

#397
I'm gay.

#398
It's okay.

#399
It's okay.

#400
It's okay.

#401
Oh, my God.

#402
I get it.

#403
I get it.

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