Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S12E08 — The Gang Tends Bar

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 12, Episode 8 — The Gang Tends Bar

#1
Oh, that's fresh, dude. Yeah, that's real nice.

#2
Seriously, you're gonna bring that up again? Jerry, Jerry,

#3
Jerry... I'm so sick of hearing about Jerry, man.

#4
- Everything is "Jerry" out of your mouth. - Hey, hey, hey, uh,

#5
Charlie, I need a new keg. This one's tapped, buddy.

#6
Yeah, give me a second. Like, if Jerry jumped off a bridge

#7
would you jump off it, too?

#8
- Which bridge? - Guys, guys...

#9
- Which bridge, really? - Yeah, yeah.

#10
Guys, guys, please stop arguing, okay? Can you just...

#11
can you do your jobs today? We got a bunch of customers

#12
in here. I want to take advantage of it.

#13
Look, can you just tell him to get rid of Jerry first?

#14
I'm sorry, I don't even know who that is.

#15
- My tapeworm. - You have a tapeworm?

#17
And you named it?

#18
- Jerry. - Jerry.

#19
Yeah, okay, great. Look, guys, can we not do this?

#20
Can we not talk about worms

#21
or sewers or rats today, with all these people in here? We got a good thing going.

#22
Charlie, new keg.

#23
Well, I just think maybe I'm a little sensitive

#24
because it's Valentine's Day and I don't really

#25
want to hear about Jerry all day long.

#26
But, yeah, fine, what do you want, you want me

#27
to put pink ink in the beer or something,

#28
- make it all inky and pink? - I... No, no, no, no.

#31
are in here today because they don't have people who love them

#32
and get them shit on Valentine's Day. All right?

#33
So, can we not remind them of that with inky beer?

#34
All right, fine. Can you just tell him to get lost, then?

#35
And then we'll go back to the way things were.

#36
- Who? - Jerry.

#37
- The worm? - Yeah.

#39
You just described my ex-husband.

#40
- Oh... - Oh...

#41
- Yeah, he's a... He can't think, yeah. - That's pretty funny.

#43
Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee!

#44
Dee is in the house, uh, Dee is in the house,

#45
uh, Dee is in the house. Oh... Oh...

#46
Thanks for the chant, guys. What's up?

#47
Yeah, no, we were talking about the new Dee, the funny one.

#48
- Her? Why are you calling her Dee? - Yeah.

#49
Oh, well, she's like a new regular. She's been coming in here.

#50
You know, trying to make her feel more at home.

#51
- It's a nickname, short for Dottie. - Then call her Dot.

#52
Nah, we already started calling her Dee and it kind of stuck.

#53
You know, can't really change it now. It's locked in.

#54
That's my nickname, bitch. Don't you take my nickname.

#55
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!

#56
- You bitch! Get out of here! - What are you...

#57
Don't yell at the customers, okay? Look, we got a good thing going here, all right?

#58
We got a bunch of new customers in here.

#59
We got a regular, we might get more regulars.

#60
- Let's not screw this up. - Guys, guys.

#61
- I've got news, I've got glorious news. - Oh!

#62
Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac!

#63
Mac is in the house, Mac is in the house.

#64
Thanks for the chant, guys. Listen, I need everybody

#65
to drop everything and come out to the back alley.

#66
There is an unopened crate out there.

#67
- An un... an unopened crate? - Crate? Oh! Crate?

#68
- Hey, there's a crate! - Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

#69
- We got a crate. Let's go! - No.

#70
- What, what? - Stop, hey, stop!

#71
- What? What? - Stop! Stop.

#72
We got a bar full of customers here.

#73
So what? Oh! Oh, shit, okay, okay, you know what I'll do?

#74
Um, I can put a fan next to the yuck puddle,

#75
and the smell's gonna clear everybody out.

#76
I don't want to clear everybody out.

#77
I'm saying why are we running out of the bar to look

#79
It's about the mystery of what's inside the crate

#80
- that gets us. - Yeah, the straw.

#81
Yeah. Well, not the straw, though. No.

#82
No, not the straw. Whatever's in the crate, like...

#83
- Yeah, it's worth a look. - It's not worth a look.

#84
It's trash. There's nothing in there. There never is.

#85
This is what I'm saying. Why...

#87
out into the world, looking for riches and treasures

#88
when we've got everything we need right here.

#89
Oh, you're saying we do, like, a booze for money type scheme.

#90
- That's good. Who came up with that? - Was it me?

#91
Whoever invented the idea of a bar?

#92
Which is what we decided to do years ago

#93
when we bought this goddamn place. So, can we please,

#94
for once in our lives, not go chasing after crates?

#95
You know, and talk about worms?

#96
Right? Yelling at the customers and shit?

#97
Can we just do the one thing we've never tried?

#98
Can we just do our jobs?

#99
'89, good.

#100
Damn drunks.

#101
Rum and Coke, tequila soda.

#102
Pay me.

#103
All right, that's gonna be five.

#104
Out of 20.

#105
Yup.

#106
Aw, she wants another mojito.

#107
Looks like our regular's got herself a usual.

#108
You bet.

#109
Yo. I am all done with my work.

#110
Can we go check out that crate now?

#111
What? You're not done.

#112
Shit, how'd you know?

#113
Because the bar's still open.

#114
You're not done till we close.

#116
and check out that crate. Just the two of us,

#117
no one else has to know. Just to get it off our minds.

#118
It's not on my mind, okay? Let it go. Christ, five people

#119
have walked in here since we started this conversation.

#120
Can you go check their IDs so we don't get another

#121
underage drinking situation on our hands?

#122
- Just got my mind on that crate. - Right, well,

#123
- get your mind on your job. - Done, done, done.

#124
Done with my work.

#125
Oh, Christ, they're like dominoes. Frank, you're not done

#126
- until the end of the day. - I already cooked the books.

#127
How about you don't cook the books so we can actually tell

#128
- how the business is doing? - Oh, well...

#129
It's crazy. How are we ever gonna...

#130
Oh, the soda gun's clogged.

#131
Dude, can you go clear the lines for me?

#132
Trick Charlie into doing it.

#133
Well, I want you to do it.

#134
I can't trick Charlie.

#135
Charlie's pretending to ignore me because he's jealous of Jerry.

#136
I-I don't want you to trick Charlie.

#137
- I want you to clear the lines. - Speaking of Jerry,

#138
- break time. - What do you mean?

#139
Lunch.

#140
I'm craving salty,

#141
but Jerry likes sweet.

#142
What are you doing? Don't-don't

#143
reach your hands directly in the...

#144
- This is sweet. - Oh, Jesus Christ, get out of here,

#145
Frank, you're an animal.

#146
He won't stop eating,

#147
- yet he's just wasting away. - Yeah.

#148
I mean, can you believe them?

#149
You know, I can't even play Night Crawlers with him anymore

#150
'cause he doesn't want to offend Jerry.

#151
I'm gonna stop you there, Charlie, because

#152
I've exhausted my daily quota of worm talk

#153
and worm-related issues. What are you doing?

#154
- Don't reach your hands in there! - Why not?

#155
Jesus Christ... Oh, God. Look,

#156
can you just... can you please go clear the lines for me?

#157
Are they clogged?

#158
Yeah.

#159
- Just trick Dee into it. - It's not a tri...

#160
See, this is the problem. You guys all think that work

#161
is tricking people. It's not. It's just your job.

#162
So, can you please go do it? In all the time

#163
that we've talked about tricking each other into doing our jobs

#164
we could've made 1,000 drinks.

#165
Yeah, maybe. All right,

#166
let me see if I can trick Mac into it first.

#167
Don't trick anybody, just do it... Oh, goddamn.

#168
I need two shots of whiskey.

#169
More shots of whiskey. Okay, yes, nice.

#170
Finally, somebody's actually working.

#171
You know what, I appreciate that, Dee.

#172
- I appreciate you. - All right, what are you doing?

#173
No, no, no, no, no.

#174
- That was a big one. Thank you. - The other one, too.

#175
Yeah, that's what this is. Okay, so,

#176
clearly, you're not busy, so, I need somebody

#177
to clear the lines. The soda gun's clogged.

#178
Did Charlie ask you to trick me?

#179
Trick you? No, the... It's not a trick.

#180
The soda gun is clogged, I cannot make drinks.

#181
I don't know. I don't trust Charlie today.

#182
You know, I made him a valentine.

#183
He hasn't given me shit yet in return.

#184
Why the hell did you do that? We don't do valentines anymore.

#185
I know, but we used to, and it was fun,

#186
you know? It was a goof.

#187
It wasn't a goof. You guys were supposed to give valentine's

#188
cards to each other, but instead you were just sticking hate mail

#189
in a suggestion box covered in hearts.

#190
I'll give it to you, though, it got a little nasty at the end.

#191
A little bit nasty?

#192
One of you put anthrax in the box.

#193
Or do you not remember the anthrax scare?

#194
Oh, ho, I remember the anthrax scare.

#195
To many, 9/18 was the delivery world's 9/11.

#196
That's a good point. No, I'm talking about

#197
a different anthrax scare, but it shouldn't concern you.

#198
- Stop it! - She just talks too much.

#199
- Hey-oh! - Oh!

#200
- Cricket! - Cricket!

#201
- Cricket! - Hey, you guys mind

#202
if I go in the bathroom and smoke some PCP?

#203
No, dude, you do you! Go for it.

#204
You do you!

#205
You do you! You do you!

#206
We don't judge, Cricket, we don't judge.

#207
What are you doing? Guys, guys, guys, what

#208
- in the hell are you doing? - Yeah, Cricket.

#209
Cricket. This has got to stop, you guys. This is nuts.

#210
We can't go around encouraging homeless men

#211
to smoke PCP in our restrooms,

#212
you know, trying to trick each other into doing our jobs

#213
and getting fired up at the mere mention of a crate.

#214
Oh, but it's just such a mystery, isn't it?

#215
- Cool crate. - Can't stop thinking about it.

#216
It really isn't though. It's just trash.

#217
It's trash that somebody left behind.

#218
Hey, but if it's mystery you want,

#219
you know, what about the mystery of the yuck puddle?

#220
What the hell is that thing, you know? Why won't it dry up?

#221
Why won't it harden?

#222
It shifts. I've seen it shift.

#223
He's seen it shift. You see, we shouldn't have

#224
an amorphous shifting blob in the bar, you know?

#225
So why don't you and Mac go solve

#226
that goddamn mystery by cleaning it up, you know?

#227
And, oh, what about the mystery of the clogged soda gun,

#228
you know? Dee, why don't you and Frank go solve

#229
that mystery by clearing the lines?

#230
Well, that's not such a mystery.

#231
And we could probably trick Cricket into doing it.

#232
Oh, why don't we just trick...

#233
Cricket doesn't work here though.

#234
- But that's free labor. - Yeah, yeah.

#235
- That's kind of better. - Getting him for free.

#236
You're not... you're not getting...

#237
Hey, just do your jobs!

#238
Just do your jobs.

#239
Why isn't it getting any smaller?

#240
Can I be honest, dude? I think this thing's alive.

#241
Oh, that must be what all the bubbling's about,

#242
'cause it's, like, trying to communicate.

#243
It definitely feeds. I've found bones in it, man.

#244
- So it wants to live. - Yeah, dude, I don't know

#245
what I'm gonna do during the next inspection,

#246
'cause I can't get rid of this thing.

#247
So Dennis has sent us in here to do the impossible.

#248
Absolutely. Dude, what is going on with him, right?

#249
Like, there's got to be something in this whole "do your job" angle.

#250
'Cause that doesn't sound like Dennis to me, you know what I mean?

#251
I know, dude. He's acting, like, so weird, especially towards me.

#252
I think it's because I'm gay and he's, like, totally uncomfortable with it.

#253
Well, no, 'cause he's known that forever, so it's, you know...

#254
Well, he may have suspected it before, but there's no way

#255
he could have known for sure. 'Cause I show no outward signs

#256
of being gay, and that's just the end of the story, all right?

#257
But, look, either way, he's been acting very distant towards me,

#258
and I feel like he sent me in here to punish me or something,

#259
because, I agree, the whole, like, "do your job" angle

#260
just seems, like, totally out of the blue, and, like...

#261
It's, like, a bullshit thing, right?

#262
- Like... - Unless... Oh, my God.

#263
What?

#264
Charlie, he doesn't want us to work at all.

#265
- He doesn't? - No.

#266
He doesn't want us to mop up the yuck puddle.

#267
- He wants us to "mop up the yuck puddle." - Oh!

#268
Of emotions.

#269
What?

#270
- It's a metaphor. - For what?

#271
He wants us to talk through our personal issues and be more open

#272
with our feelings because it's Valentine's Day.

#273
Oh! Weird. That doesn't sound like Dennis, but, uh...

#274
Go with me here, dude. Valentine's Day is an entire day

#275
dedicated to feelings, something that Dennis doesn't have.

#276
Right, that's true.

#277
And so that's why he hates Valentine's Day so much.

#278
But he's entrusted me, because I'm a gay man

#279
and clearly more sensitive than the rest of you,

#280
- to break down those walls. - Well, no, but okay. All right.

#281
- All right, cool. Yeah, yeah. - Yes, okay, so I'll share first.

#282
- Okay. - Okay. I have a huge surprise

#283
for Dennis, but I feel like he's not emotionally available to...

#284
Frank's gonna leave me for Jerry, man.

#285
Oh, uh, I was talking. But, uh,

#286
I guess we'll, um... we'll do your thing first.

#287
You know he's only doing this to get a rise out of you, right?

#288
Oh, that's so Jerry.

#289
No, not Jerry. Not the worm. Never the worm.

#290
We're talking about Frank, okay?

#291
If you just pretend to like the worm,

#292
then he'll probably just get rid of it.

#293
Oh, shit. You think so?

#294
I know so, buddy.

#295
- Nice, man. All right. - Yeah. Okay, now back to my thing.

#296
Yeah, that just gave me a great idea. Thanks, Mac.

#297
Charlie, if you just... You're not gonna let me talk?

#298
So, uh, you're gay, huh?

#299
For pay or for free?

#300
Uh, for free, I guess.

#301
Chump.

#302
It's taking forever.

#303
- Ugh. - Try sucking on the other end, maybe.

#304
I'm not sucking on the other end. Get that shit in my mouth?

#305
No, thanks. And what the hell's going on with Dennis?

#306
Since when does he care how the bar does?

#307
I don't know. It doesn't add up.

#308
I can't get a read on him these days. He's just always cranky

#309
and irritated.

#310
Rage-filled, rape-y.

#311
It's like, as the years go by, he just gets more and more irrational.

#312
Yeah, yeah.

#313
Especially with this whole "work the bar" angle.

#314
I mean, what is that?

#315
Unless...

#316
Oh, my God.

#317
Dennis doesn't want us to work the bar.

#318
- He doesn't? - No! He wants us to work on ourselves.

#319
What the shit are you talking about?

#320
Just go with me here. It's Valentine's Day, right,

#321
a day we all used to love and enjoy until we turned

#322
on each other with the hate mail.

#323
Dennis wants us to work through our personal issues

#324
so we can enjoy Valentine's Day again.

#325
- I got it. - Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna go first.

#326
I'm so mad at Charlie, because I made him a valentine,

#327
and, you know what, he didn't even really...

#328
I gave myself Jerry on purpose.

#329
Well, I was right in the middle of a sentence, but... what?

#330
I gave myself the tapeworm.

#331
Well, that is the most disgusting thing I've... How,

#332
- you're wondering. - No, I don't. No, thanks.

#333
I bought poop on the dark Web

#334
and stuffed it up my butt to lose weight.

#335
Jesus Christ. Uh, that's enough.

#336
Well, it took about four ounces of it.

#337
- That's enough! I don't want to know! - With the tip of a teaspoon.

#338
- Okay... Frank! - How else?

#339
Stop answering questions I'm not asking, okay?

#340
I'm done, I'm done.

#341
I had to hold my knees above my head for a half hour

#342
- and clench my sphincter. - Stop! Stop!

#343
Charlie, I'm mad, and I think we need to clear the lines.

#344
Huh? Uh, just-just trick somebody else into it.

#345
No, that's not what I'm...

#346
Wh-What are you doing?

#347
I'm trying to write a valentine. I just...

#348
Oh. Okay.

#349
Uh, okay. Well, I'll just, uh, let you finish.

#350
- Didn't mean to interrupt. - Okay.

#351
I also got you a box of chocolates, so...

#352
Right.

#353
Oh, oh! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Dee, Dee, Dee.

#354
- Yeah. - Um, can you think

#355
of a word that rhymes with "Jerry"?

#356
- What? - I can't think of one.

#357
Are you making a valentine for Frank's tapeworm?

#358
Well, not if I can't think of a word that rhymes with "Jerry."

#359
- You son of a bitch. - What?

#360
- I can't believe you don't know! - I have no idea!

#361
Oh, and literally everything rhymes with "Jerry," okay?

#362
- Scary, hairy, Mother Mary quite contrary. - Oh, oh, shit, yeah, okay, good.

#363
Woozy, woozy. Woozy from sucking lines.

#364
Ho.

#365
All right, Frank, Frank, Frank, before you do another thing,

#366
- I wanted to give you a valentine. - Unbelievable! Right in front of me?

#367
- You did? - Yeah-huh.

#368
Well, it's for both of you guys, but these, these are just for Jerry.

#369
- No. - Charlie. Oh.

#370
- Oh, that's so sweet. Thank... - You dick.

#371
- You shouldn't have. Mmm. - No! No, he didn't.

#372
Listen to me, I got these for him, all right? So no.

#373
- I got these. - Our blood sugar's low.

#374
Oh, guess what, I bought these for him.

#375
You fool!

#376
- It's so good, Charlie. - Those chocolates

#377
that you're so gleefully devouring

#378
are chock-full of Bye-Bye Jerry pills.

#379
You wouldn't.

#380
Oh, but I would, Frank.

#381
You see, I knew you'd never take the pills willingly.

#382
But Jerry...

#383
Jerry likes sweet, doesn't he?

#384
You poisoned me.

#385
No. No, he poisoned me.

#386
At worst, you're properly medicated.

#387
You son of a bitch.

#388
- Charlie. - Bye-bye...

#389
Jerry!

#390
I'm poisoned. Poisoned!

#391
I'm poisoned.

#392
What are you doing?

#393
- We've been poisoned. - No, No.

#394
No, no, no, nobody's been poisoned.

#395
- They're just... - And there's plenty more poison

#396
where that came from!

#397
- Uh, there is no... - So, don't even think

#398
about trying to get another worm, Frank.

#399
And there are no-no worms.

#400
- Nobody has worms. - Well, not anymore

#401
they don't.

#402
Don't leave. Please, don't leave.

#403
Guys, what are you doing?

#404
Take this discussion someplace else.

#405
No, I'm good because I've had a great Valentine's Day.

#406
Bye-bye, Jerry.

#407
Are you serious?

#408
You son of a bitch, Charlie.

#409
You screwed me, okay?

#410
- What are you talking about? - You know what? Screw you, Charlie!

#411
I'm not gonna let some worm beat me on Valentine's Day.

#412
- Don't talk about... - Why are you going on and on about it?

#413
I did this for you, Charlie.

#414
What?

#415
I gave myself Jerry on purpose.

#416
Why would you do that?

#417
To slim down for you.

#418
Why would you... why would you slim down for me? What?

#419
Because I overheard you on the phone saying,

#420
"He got flabby."

#421
No, no, no, buddy.

#422
I never said that.

#423
I sa... I-I-I said you were crabby

#424
because you smelled crabby...

#425
'cause you've been eating

#426
all those sewer crabs, man, but...

#427
- Take it outside. - It was a compliment. I love when you

#428
smell like crab, Frank.

#429
Take the conversation someplace else.

#430
Okay? Don't do it here.

#431
You didn't think I was too fat?

#432
Well, no, you were fat as shit, pal,

#433
but I loved you that way, Frank.

#434
Fat and crabby.

#435
So, you want to try and get this

#436
dead worm out of me?

#437
I would love to pull that dead worm out of you.

#438
Yeah? Come on. Come on, now oh...

#439
Stop, stop! Goddamn it, stop. What are you guys doing?

#440
- Huh? - What are you talking about?

#441
Getting the worm.

#442
You're gonna talk about pulling a dead worm out of his ass?

#443
Don't do that. Please, don't talk about these things.

#444
Now, by the grace of God,

#445
we somehow still have Dottie here

#446
so, please, don't scare her away.

#447
Sorry, Dottie.

#448
- Who's ready to die, bitches? - Dee...

#449
No. What are you doing with the Valentine's box?

#450
- Put that down. - All right, just think

#451
about what you're doing, Dee.

#452
I know exactly what I'm doing.

#453
Okay, okay, fine. Dee, just don't mention...

#454
- I am busting out the anthrax. - No!

#455
- And I'm out. - Dottie, no.

#456
No, you don't have to go.

#457
- Oh, God damn it! - Charlie.

#458
I'm getting a goddamn valentine

#459
right goddamn now, or so help me God...

#460
I will end us all.

#461
No, don't. Give the bitch what she wants.

#462
I'm so frustrated right now.

#463
Okay, fine, Dee. You know what I'm gonna do?

#464
I'm gonna sing you a song.

#465
Okay? A Valentine's Day song?

#466
All right? Is that... will that work?

#467
- Fine. Sing a song. - Okay.

#468
Uh... a Dee song.

#469
- Nothing rhymes with Dee. - Every...

#470
Everything rhymes with Dee.

#471
I mean, literally, everything rhymes...

#472
Okay, fine. I'll-I'll think of things.

#473
Okay, j-j-just relax. Uh, uh...

#474
Dee...

#475
You're sweeter than a bee... tle

#476
- Just say bee. - Uh, bee.

#477
Right? I didn't think of that. Uh...

#478
You're the honey that the bee... makes

#479
You're the...

#480
Sugar on the pound... carrot

#481
What's a pound carrot?

#482
Go with pound cake.

#483
Cake! Right, good. Uh...

#484
You make life sweet, Dee

#485
You make

#486
Life sweet for... I

#487
A-and I...

#488
Love... you.

#489
Thanks, Charlie.

#490
You can't rhyme very well, but...

#491
That was...

#492
that was really...

#493
Really pathetic.

#494
What?

#495
I wrote a couple words on a construction paper,

#496
pink and red, and you sing a heart song

#497
for me?

#498
You made me do it!

#499
Yeah! And you said you loved me!

#500
- Ew! - You bitch!

#501
Look, that song was derivative of a song I wrote

#502
- for the waitress, anyway, then. - Yeah, but guess what?

#503
Frank, grab that anthrax!

#504
Grab it! Grab it!

#505
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! - Stop! Stop! Stop.

#506
What are you... what are you guys doing?

#507
All right, this is nuts! This is crazy!

#508
I mean, I-I-I can't believe we blew another opportunity

#509
to have a working bar.

#510
To have a successful business together!

#511
Because you assholes get so worked up over Valentine's Day,

#512
the dumbest holiday that ever existed!

#513
But I thought you were trying to get us to focus

#514
on ourselves and focus on Valentine's Day.

#515
What?

#516
Are-are you insane?

#517
I... All I've been saying is to please focus on the bar!

#518
But you just couldn't do it!

#519
Dennis, I got to say, I feel like this is

#520
just about something else.

#521
It's not about something else, it's...

#522
- The bar is fine. - Yup.

#523
- This is... something else is up. - It's always fine, yeah.

#524
You know what it is?

#525
This is 'cause you hate Valentine's Day.

#526
It's not because I hate Valentine's Day.

#527
- It's because I-I just want... - No, that's what it is.

#528
He's trying to distract us from Valentine's Day.

#529
I'm not trying to distract anybody from Valen...

#530
Yeah, you know why, though, you guys?

#531
It's because he doesn't have any feelings and we do.

#532
Yeah, because we have feelings and you don't,

#533
and that's why you hate Valentine's Day.

#534
Oh, stop! God damn it!

#535
I hate Valentine's Day because

#536
you assholes never got me anything!

#537
Okay, and I have feelings!

#538
Of course I have feelings!

#539
I have big feelings, okay?

#540
A-and it hurts.

#541
Okay, so...

#542
so... that's why I hate Valentine's Day,

#543
and that's why I put anthrax in the box.

#544
That was you?

#545
Yes, it was me.

#546
I just...

#547
I just wanted it to stop.

#548
Okay? And it's powdered sugar, by the way.

#549
- Oh, he's already eating it. - I knew that.

#550
Dennis.

#551
What?

#552
I got the crate.

#553
- So what? - Open it.

#554
I'm not gonna open a goddamn crate, Mac!

#555
There's nothing in it!

#556
Just open it.

#557
You want me to open the crate? I'll open the goddamn crate.

#558
If it'll get you to stop focusing on it and get you

#559
to stop focusing on this goddamn

#560
Valentine's Day bullshit.

#561
I don't know why

#562
you're so excited about this goddamn thing.

#563
There's never anything insi...

#564
- What is this? - It's a gift. I got it for you.

#565
For me?

#566
Yeah.

#567
You, uh...

#568
You got this for me?

#569
I ordered it off the dark Web.

#570
I wanted it to be a surprise.

#571
Yeah.

#572
And how did you, um...

#573
How did you know that I wanted an RPG?

#574
'Cause I know you, man.

#575
Also, you casually mention RPGs, like, a weird amount.

#576
- Is this true? - Yeah.

#577
You were talking about rocket launchers today,

#578
- I think, yeah. - That was today.

#579
This is, uh...

#580
This is cool.

#581
I still think Valentine's Day is

#582
a bullshit holiday, but, um...

#583
...this is nice.

#584
Want to shoot it?

#585
Yes.

#586
Where's the rocket?

#587
Yeah, that should be,

#588
uh... shit, I... there's no rocket.

#589
- No rocket in there? - There's no rocket?

#590
Ah, there's no rocket!

#591
They forgot to put the rocket in there!

#592
Dude, I'm so sorry!

#593
Mac, I don't care.

#594
I love it.

#595
You figured out the one thing I wanted more than anything else

#596
in the entire world and you got it for me.

#597
And...

#598
...it's perfect.

#599
Happy Valentine's Day.

#600
Yeah.

#601
Charlie, let's go get this worm out of my ass.

#602
- Let's do it, man. All right. - Okay.

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