Home » Scrubs » S01E07 — My Super Ego

Scrubs

Season 1, Episode 7 — My Super Ego

#1
Let's start off with a toughie. Who can tell me...?

#3
I've been nailing rounds.

#5
Sir, the answer is Beck's triad.

#6
[pistol shot]

#7
It keeps me on top of my game.

#8
Looks like a break in the ulna, right there.

#9
It's good to be the king.

#10
You know, it's okay to be impressed by me.

#11
Most girls are.

#15
[♪ choir sings]

#16
Wow!

#17
Well, the gurney adds drama.

#20
♪ I'm no Superman ♪

#22
Of course, you're gonna have a scar, Peter.

#23
I mean, you're not getting any surgery

#24
but chicks dig scars so I'm gonna give you one anyway.

#25
Doctor,

#26
Peter's drug rash is getting a lot worse.

#27
No problem, give him Prednisone and...

#29
sees me staring at him...

#30
Act busy.

#31
That's the stud right there. That's where you'd...

#32
...hang a painting.

#33
He was born John Dorian but he was simply known as J.D.:

#34
doctor, friend, lover.

#35
- Hey, man, how are ya? - Hey, how are you?

#36
Oh, okay... There that is.

#37
Gosh, can you believe we're doctors?

#38
The other night at a restaurant this guy starts choking.

#39
They asked if anyone was a doctor.

#40
I didn't even move.

#41
I still feel like I'm seven years old

#42
playing M.A.S.H. with my older brother.

#43
I don't want to be Hot Lips again.

#44
[older boy] Shut up and kiss Frank.

#45
I don't talk to my brother much.

#47
- Well, I'll see you. - Okay.

#48
What happened to the guy in the restaurant?

#49
Oh, eventually I remembered I was a doctor.

#50
'Course he'd been dead for 20 minutes. Very embarrassing.

#51
Food was good, though.

#52
Don't laugh. Don't laugh!

#53
Damn!

#54
Hi.

#55
Any time you wanna get more gauze,

#56
it'd be a real treat for all of us.

#57
- It's hard being you, isn't it? - It is.

#58
- What's with the smile? - The whole big bad wolf thing,

#59
it's such an act.

#60
Neato!

#61
Now whaddya want? A tip?

#62
Get out. [whistles] Go, go, go!

#63
I'm not sure I agree.

#64
- You good T-dog? - Come on, man.

#65
I could do this with my eyes closed.

#66
- I won't, though. - Open the peritoneum.

#67
Nice, clean cut. Good.

#68
Good. Whoa, whoa, what's that smell?

#69
I don't know.

#70
- Did you nick the colon? - No.

#71
I mean, I don't know. I... I don't think so. Did I?

#72
Cut the music.

#73
You know, I kinda had a date last night.

#74
- Really? - Yeah.

#75
A guy on the bus fell asleep on me and drooled on my shoulder.

#76
- You slut. - Yeah.

#77
- How about Nick? - I'd let him drool on me.

#78
That's gross. Why did I say that? I shouldn't talk to people.

#79
Besides, I wouldn't know what to do even if I was interested.

#80
Well, you could start by looking at him.

#81
Did he look back? Why doesn't he like me?

#82
I can't believe I already blew it.

#86
Come on, J.D., you're not closing the windpipe.

#87
You gotta put more pressure down here.

#88
Come on! I know you can do it!

#89
Come on! Come on!

#90
Ah! If it isn't the brain trust.

#91
Someone tell me what this patient's rash is.

#92
You have until I finish my squeezy juice.

#93
Oh, my God, I'm drawing a...

#95
...something.

#96
It's Erythema Migrans.

#97
Why don't you just answer it?

#98
Everyone looks up to you. It's important you don't get stumped.

#99
Besides, come on, it's important to you, too.

#100
Please, like he knows me.

#101
It's Erythema Migrans, sir.

#102
[pistol shot]

#103
Right you are, Dr. Dorian.

#104
Nice.

#105
Okay, there you go.

#106
Now you've got it. Oh, good.

#107
[Dr. Wen] I don't know where that smell came from.

#108
- Uh, sir? - What? Do you see something?

#109
Sir, I farted.

#110
That smell is from the fart that I made.

#111
- Dude... - Get the hell out of my O.R..

#112
Yes, sir. Good.

#114
That came out wrong.

#115
Excuse me, Dr. Cox?

#116
I know that you need to pick an intern

#117
to co-write that case report on post-partum...

#118
Yeah, sure. Congratulations. Now, go.

#119
Mission accomplished.

#120
Hey, buddy. How are ya?

#121
Uh, Dr. Cox, I was wondering if I could co-write that case report with you.

#122
Wow, this is good. Newbie à newbie.

#123
Too bad it can't be a fight to the death.

#124
Oh, I didn't know you wanted to do it. You do it.

#125
- You'll be great. - Right,... okay.

#126
Cut it out. Nice guys aren't even that nice.

#127
Now let me see, just exactly who to choose? Who to choose?

#128
Okay.

#129
[creaking, squeaking]

#130
[thudding]

#131
[rusty squeak]

#132
Mm-hmm.

#133
Nice. Very nice, indeed.

#134
Okay, over.

#135
[bells ring]

#136
Oh!

#137
Interesting. Uh-huh.

#138
Attaboy.

#139
I'm gonna go with...

#140
...Guy Smiley, here.

#141
- Wow. - Yeah, wow.

#142
- Huge moment for me. - I know.

#143
I wish my dad was alive.

#144
It doesn't mean anything.

#145
So what, you flipped a coin in your head or...?

#146
No. It's just that, right now, he's better at internal medicine than you are.

#147
Okay, insult me, like you always do.

#148
Too easy.

#149
When you least expect it.

#150
Dr. Wen threatened to sew my butt cheeks together.

#151
And yet you continue to eat chili.

#152
Dude, I'm taking the cheese off.

#153
You know, even though nothing happened today,

#154
it still kinda freaked me out.

#155
One flinch, one hiccup, and that's the difference between life and death?

#156
It's a lot to have on your shoulders, you know?

#157
Hey.

#158
What are you guys talking about?

#159
Cheese.

#160
Turk is so lucky I met him first.

#161
How's my man doing?

#162
Baby, most guys are here.

#163
But me, I'm, like, all up in here.

#164
Dr. Turk, you can make the incision now.

#165
Sir, um... My hand's tightening up.

#166
- I must be low on potassium. - All right, I'll take over.

#167
Dr. Murdoch, Peter's rash has gone

#168
but he's vomited six times in the last hour.

#169
No problem, give him Zofran and a 20cc per kilo bolus of normal saline.

#171
You're right, he definitely has a cute little butt.

#172
It's almost like it's been sculpted.

#173
Who cares? Everybody's got a cute butt. I have a cute butt.

#174
You should bring it in some day.

#175
[laughter]

#176
- Hey, how's Turk doing? - He's fine, why?

#177
Because he totally froze during surgery yesterday.

#178
Didn't he tell you?

#179
- Hey, you! - Hey, hey...

#180
I feel like we haven't talked in ages. How are you?

#181
- Fine. - Yeah?

#182
Don't I look okay?

#183
You know?

#184
[mimics Michael Jackson]

#185
You know? I'm fine. As a matter of fact...

#187
Good afternoon, doctors.

#188
I've gathered you all here because, well...

#189
Attendance at my noon conferences

#190
has been very disappointing.

#191
In fact, I've begun to wonder if maybe you have something more important to do.

#192
Maybe you feel the need to sneak off and have a little nappy-nap?

#193
I love nappy-naps.

#194
Or maybe you've forgotten that my conferences are mandatory.

#195
My hospital, my rules!

#196
Actually, sir, I've never missed one. Batting 1,000 over here.

#197
[pistol shot]

#198
Son, I'm more proud of you than I've ever been of an intern.

#200
So you see, sir, the poor attendance is my fault.

#201
And my fault only.

#202
Well, then, you have just won the privilege

#203
of writing my next ten lectures by this afternoon.

#204
Paging Dr. Martyr...

#205
- What the hell was that guy... - [man] Way to go, man.

#206
Nick, that was amazing.

#207
...thinking?

#208
It's good to be the king.

#210
[pistol shot]

#211
[Kelso] What can I say?

#212
The lectures this kid wrote were fantastic.

#214
[wind whistles]

#215
Hey, man. Want some company?

#216
No, I just wanna be alone.

#217
- Well? - Not yet.

#218
But soon.

#219
[bones crack]

#220
Very soon.

#221
And why would Turk talk to Elliot about this and not me?

#222
They're not even friends, know what I mean?

#223
After 20 minutes, the only way I could know what you mean more

#224
is if you wrote "My boyfriend doesn't open up to me" on a big mallet

#225
and repeatedly smashed me over the head with it.

#226
Why can't you just for once dig deep down in your heart,

#227
access some emotions and empathize with me?

#228
I'm sorry, what were we doing?

#229
See? That's why no one likes you.

#230
Hey, you like me a little bit.

#231
And so do you, sweet cakes.

#232
Huh? Want a little sugar from Daddy?

#233
Well, looky here.

#234
I thought this was my special place.

#235
I'd ask you not to tell any of the others about this spot,

#236
but none of them seem to be talking to you.

#237
Oh, it's been a rough day, sir.

#238
You see, Dr. Dorian, your problem is,

#239
you're a pansy.

#240
If you were in my way, I'd throw you off this ledge right now.

#241
We're out here alone.

#242
No one would ever know.

#243
I'm gonna...

#244
I'm gonna... I have to...

#245
...things.

#246
Interns are fun.

#247
[PA] Dr. Dooley, 3153...

#248
I'm single.

#249
That was more subtle in my head.

#250
Relax, I already left a message on your machine asking you out.

#251
- Really? - No.

#252
But I promise I will before you go home.

#253
Works for me.

#254
Dr. Murdoch, Peter's developed a high-grade fever and a cough.

#255
No problem, just give him Seftazedime one gram IV.

#256
How do you stay so positive?

#257
I guess I don't let the bad stuff in, you know?

#258
Try not to get too overwhelmed.

#259
Call me tonight when you get my message.

#260
Okay.

#261
Mm-hmm!

#262
- His butt? - Mm-hmm.

#263
So listen, I've scheduled an appendectomy for you later.

#264
Just make sure you're good on potassium.

#265
Sir, I got so much potassium, it's coming out of my assium,

#266
you know what I mean?

#267
What I did was I took the word potassium and...

#268
I dropped the first three letters,

#269
made a doody joke.

#270
Funny stuff.

#271
- Looks like you bought it. - Excuse me?

#272
So you had stage fright, it's no big deal.

#273
- Happened to me once. - Really?

#274
I'd be more than glad to tell you what a lot of doctors do to relieve the stress.

#275
Take a little trip to Palm-dale.

#276
- What? - Okay.

#277
Give yourself the old low five.

#278
- I'm not getting it. - Physician...

#279
...love thyself.

#280
Are you talking about Downtown Lester Brown?

#281
Lowers the heart rate, releases endorphins. Basic physiology.

#282
Okay, you almost had me.

#283
- You're not serious? - Yes, I am.

#284
- No, you're not. - Yes.

#285
No.

#286
Nobody hurts Carla and gets away with it.

#287
Who's Carla?

#288
I was talking to myself. Don't eavesdrop.

#289
If this kid doesn't leave I'm gonna kill him.

#290
[whistles]

#291
Now, if you leave, I'll know you were eavesdropping

#292
and I'll just go and kill you anyway.

#293
Stay. Good girl.

#294
Tick, tock, Clarice.

#296
- Hey... - Good timing.

#297
Give me a hand with this Foley cath, will you?

#300
and apologize like a man.

#301
Are we cool?

#302
Yeah.

#304
he's the man now.

#305
- This belongs to you. - Thanks a lot, man.

#306
Can you grab me some more tape?

#308
everyone picks up their game.

#309
We need the results of this urine sample.

#311
Nick, I got the results back from the, uh...

#312
Nick?

#313
His blood cultures don't look good at all.

#314
No problem.

#315
Listen, I was thinking about what happened earlier and...

#316
Anyway... Here.

#317
Wow.

#318
You dug deep down in your heart and came up with a muffin.

#319
That's store-bought. Blueberries in there the size of your fist.

#320
I shouldn't have dragged you into it. You don't know Turk.

#321
Actually, I met him today. We had a terrific chat.

#322
Oh, give the man a hand, that's just terrific work.

#323
You know darn well that felt good and you're feeling better about yourself now, aren't you?

#324
Real nice guy.

#325
It's hard letting yourself be vulnerable with someone,

#326
you know?

#327
Just eat the damn muffin.

#328
Even though I'm on call tonight,

#329
I'm not gonna let the bad stuff in.

#330
Not gonna let myself get overwhelmed.

#331
What?

#332
Friday, you had people over and locked yourself in your room

#333
because we brought the wrong chips.

#334
[Elliot] Look at me.

#335
That was the old Elliot.

#336
Can you help me find Dr. Murdoch?

#337
Peter's parents are here, he's not answering his page.

#338
Sure. You know, Elliot's not gonna let herself be overwhelmed any more.

#339
[nurse laughs loudly]

#340
[whispers] She's been drinking.

#341
Carla... Wow!

#342
You look great!

#343
You're not messing with me, right?

#344
No, but I'd like to.

#345
Turk bought me this dress out of the blue. I guess he knew I'd love it.

#346
Oh... Look, Carla.

#347
Back when I was an intern,

#348
I remember the pressure being so insane,

#349
that the only way I could get by was to race home

#350
and even though my wife was already asleep,

#351
I'd gently wake her, look her in the eyes,

#352
and then passive-aggressively torture her

#353
until she packed a bag and went to her mom's for the week.

#354
- Ah. - Does that...help?

#355
Like a big hug with words.

#356
The point is, just 'cause a guy has problems expressing himself,

#357
that doesn't mean he doesn't need...

#358
...you.

#359
Oh, boy.

#360
Women so don't get me.

#361
It's not even funny. It's mind-boggling, quite frankly.

#362
The whole thing is stunning.

#363
The point is that it's the scrubs, right.

#364
Because in jeans, my butt is a force to be reckoned with.

#365
Hey, we were looking for you.

#366
Nick, touch my butt, please.

#367
Hey, are you all right?

#368
That kid is eventually gonna die.

#369
Whether it's today or tomorrow.

#370
Or a month from now.

#371
There's nothing I can do. Nothing works.

#372
His parents want to talk to me. What am I supposed to say?

#373
Peter lived a good long seven years?

#374
Seven years, man.

#375
It's not fair.

#376
I hate this place, I hate this job.

#377
- Nick, it's not your fault. - I can't do it anymore.

#378
I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

#379
The scariest thing was

#385
if only for a moment.

#387
I don't know.

#389
any way you can.

#390
[clicks tongue] See you tomorrow.

#391
Oh!

#392
[whimpers]

#393
You're stupid.

#394
- That's it? - Give it time.

#395
It'll eat at you.

#396
- Am I stupid? - Yeah, a little bit.

#397
[J.D.] Damn him!

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