Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S08E03 — The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 8, Episode 3 — The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre

#1
Oh, God!

#2
Run!

#3
Where are you guys?!

#4
What's happening?!

#5
Over here!

#6
Over here!

#7
Frank!

#8
Where are you?

#9
Frank!

#10
Charlie!

#11
Oh, my God!

#12
Over here.

#13
We're all here?!

#14
We're all here?!

#15
Guys!

#16
Stop!

#17
Stop where you are!

#18
You four got some explaining to do.

#19
Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

#20
I got 15 different wedding guests out there with various

#21
degrees of injury.

#22
I got a groom... face is half gone!

#23
And I'm still missing a bride.

#24
I don't know what happened back there, but we are innocent.

#25
We're completely innocent.

#26
Yeah, well, you four bozos are the only people on the scene

#27
that weren't invited.

#28
So you can see how bad this looks.

#29
Now, who is Mr. Dennis Reynolds?

#30
Oh, that's me.

#31
Hmm, hello, Dennis.

#32
Those are some interesting marks on your neck.

#33
Let me guess.

#34
Ex-wife's getting remarried, you get a little jealous.

#35
Get your buddies together, you decide to break up that party.

#36
So you crash the wedding, get a little tipsy, things take a violent turn.

#37
No, no, no, look.

#38
That is the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen.

#39
I wanted to make sure that that wedding happened!

#40
Why is Maureen getting married in the middle of the woods?

#41
I don't know.

#42
Some people find the woods romantic, I guess.

#43
And why get married on Friday the 13th?

#44
It's a monster day.

#45
I don't know and I don't care.

#46
I just want to make sure the wedding happens.

#47
I'm tired of paying alimony.

#48
Well, we got your back, bro.

#49
Don't worry about that.

#50
I don't need you to have my back.

#51
Three people crashing a wedding... it's gonna make a scene.

#52
Why couldn't you just let me do this alone?

#53
Just don't like getting bussed up there.

#54
I feel like we're gonna be trapped.

#55
I don't, I don't like any of this.

#56
Oh, no.

#57
No, no.

#58
I don't like this place already.

#59
This is a strange place, right?

#60
I'm seeing a lot of bats.

#61
Yeah, there's bats everywhere.

#62
You know why?

#63
'Cause it's Friday the 13th.

#64
No, no, no, stop.

#65
Will you stop with that?

#66
It's not because it's Friday the 13th.

#67
We're in the woods.

#68
Stop being paranoid.

#69
Still, this is creepy.

#70
I mean, who gets married in a spot like this?

#71
Oh, Jesus Christ!

#72
You guys crashing my wedding?

#73
Wait.

#74
What?!

#75
You?!

#76
Wait, Liam, you're marrying Maureen?

#77
Big-time.

#78
Don't be jelly.

#79
What the hell is going on here?

#80
What's your angle?

#81
Oldest angle in the book, my friend.

#82
Love.

#83
I don't buy this, okay?

#84
I thought you were in love with Ryan.

#85
What's your brother think about all this?

#86
Ryan's dead to me.

#87
Do you hear me?

#88
He's dead!

#89
So, I take it he doesn't approve?

#90
That's a negative, Ronald McDonald.

#91
Now, I'd ask you guys to leave, but I'm just too damn happy.

#92
See you bitches on the dance floor.

#93
I don't like this, okay?

#94
This is a McPoyle-Ponderosa wedding.

#95
This is, this is bad.

#96
Look, look, if you're gonna be here, I need your support.

#97
You need to help me make sure this wedding goes off without a hitch.

#98
Hold on. What made you think this wasn't gonna happen?

#99
Mac had heard there were some people there who wanted to ruin the wedding.

#100
Who?

#101
Him.

#102
Ah!

#103
That is bullshit!

#104
I was there to support my buddy.

#105
That was a swervy road.

#106
Yeah.

#107
What are you guys doing here?

#108
Oh, my God, I knew it.

#109
You're here to break up this wedding.

#110
What are you talking about?

#111
I'm here to support my friend, Bill Ponderosa.

#112
I'm his AA sponsor!

#113
Bullshit!

#114
You two love the fact that I have to pay alimony the rest of my life.

#115
You love the power you have over me with this financial burden.

#116
You know what, Dennis, not everything is about you, okay?

#117
I am here to support Frank.

#118
No, you two are here to make a scene.

#119
Oh!

#120
If anybody's making a scene, it's you!

#121
Ow! Ow!

#122
I just got tagged by a bat!

#123
He got you.

#124
I got tagged!

#125
Suck out the poison, Dee!

#126
I'm not sucking on your head.

#127
Suck it out!

#128
I'll give you $200, you suck it out.

#129
$200? I'll do it!

#130
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

#131
I'll do it for $200.

#132
Suck it quick.

#133
What are you...?

#134
This is the kind of thing that I was talking about!

#135
Suck it harder!

#136
Go home, please!

#137
Suck it harder!

#138
I got it.

#139
Did you swallow it?!

#140
Of course I swallowed.

#141
Make yourself throw up!

#142
Yeah, you swallowed the poison!

#143
Get it out! Get it out!

#144
Vomit! Vomit!

#145
What are you doing?!

#146
There is no poison from a bat!

#147
No! You are gonna ruin this!

#148
You're all gonna ruin this!

#149
You all right?

#150
It won't come, Frank.

#151
Deandra.

#152
Yeah?

#153
Let's go break up this wedding.

#154
Whoa, stop, stop!

#155
So you were there to break up the wedding.

#156
Shit.

#157
Did I just say that part?

#158
Yeah.

#159
Why did you want to break up the wedding?

#160
For all the things he just said.

#161
That was accurate.

#162
But it wasn't just our idea to break up the wedding.

#163
Not at first.

#164
Last week, we had a visitor at the bar.

#165
They have to be stopped.

#166
The McPoyle bloodline's been pure and clean for a thousand years.

#167
This marriage is an abomination.

#168
Now, when you say "pure and clean ," uh, you mean what, exactly?

#169
Means we haven't bred outside the bloodline.

#170
For a thousand years?

#171
Yeah.

#172
That makes a lot of sense.

#173
Dennis knows Maureen better than anyone.

#174
Only he can talk her out of this.

#175
The last thing Dennis wants to do is break up this wedding.

#176
But we do.

#177
Okay, I brought a disguise.

#178
Meh!

#179
They're gonna know who you are.

#180
This will work.

#181
Now sneak me in so we can go kill Maureen.

#182
Kill?

#183
Who said anything about killing anybody?

#184
No one's killing anyone.

#185
We'll sneak you in to Liam so you guys can talk or bang or

#186
whatever it is you want to do.

#187
Frank!

#188
Frank!

#189
Oh, thank God you're here, man.

#190
I am not gonna make it.

#191
I am itching to get blitzed.

#192
Weddings are a big trigger for me, man.

#193
Why are you telling me this?

#194
You're my sponsor, Frank.

#195
Come on.

#196
My support system.

#197
Oh, right, right, right.

#198
Of course.

#199
So, do whatever you feel is best.

#200
Well, I feel it would be best if I pounded a beer.

#201
I'll support that decision.

#202
I wish I could.

#203
I mean, it's a dry wedding, for God's sakes.

#204
They're serving milk.

#205
I feel like maybe I should do some drugs then, you know?

#206
That bad?

#207
You earned it.

#208
Yeah.

#209
You do whatever you feel like.

#210
You're a good person.

#211
Frank.

#212
Mm.

#213
Cool, cool.

#214
Thank you.

#215
Thank you.

#216
Diddly Dee.

#217
Miss me?

#218
Don't answer that.

#219
All right.

#220
Catch you guys later.

#221
You're a bad sponsor.

#222
Why?

#223
I supported every decision he wanted to make.

#224
Stop wasting time!

#225
Ow! God!

#226
Let's go find Liam.

#227
Shit!

#228
Don't hit me.

#229
Things have already taken a bit of a dark turn, it would seem.

#230
Yeah.

#231
Okay, I need to get to Maureen before Frank and Dee.

#232
All right?

#233
Oh, we'll come with you.

#234
No, just hang back.

#235
I got this, okay?

#236
Dude, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

#237
Yeah.

#238
We could definitely get laid here.

#239
Huh? What?

#240
Maureen, I need to speak with you.

#241
Dennis!

#242
OMG, what are you doing here?

#243
Well, uh, I have reason to believe that someone is here to

#244
destroy this special day for you, so I'm sure to make sure

#245
that doesn't happen.

#246
That is so sweet, Dennis.

#247
I also brought along some legal documents, so if we could

#248
just wrap this up lickety-split.

#249
Legal documents? What?

#250
Yeah, I realize my timing is a little unorthodox, but, uh, I

#251
figure what better way to make sure your union is totally

#252
complete than by having you sign these documents that I need you to sign?

#253
So if I can just get your signature right here, and I'll

#254
run up and get Liam's signature, and this'll be on the books and

#255
your wedding... Muh!

#256
My Maureen, you've... you've enhanced yourself.

#257
Yeah, I got my tooth fixed.

#258
I'm talking about your tits!

#259
You big, giant new titties, Maureen!

#260
Why would you do that now?

#261
Why not when we were together when I could've...?

#262
I told you I was willing to change.

#263
Yeah, but I didn't know you meant physically,

#264
that you would change physically.

#265
Why weren't you more clear with me, Maureen?

#266
All right, you know what?

#267
I'm not gonna get distracted.

#268
Just, just sign right here... Wait! What are you doing in here?!

#269
You can't see the bride before the ceremony!

#270
No, no!

#271
Get out!

#272
I just need her to sign this!

#273
No! Get out of here!

#274
Wait, wait, wait! Maureen!

#275
No matter what happens, you got to go through with this!

#276
Out!

#277
Liam is your destiny, Maureen!

#278
Oh, here he comes.

#279
I didn't get it.

#280
I mean, I'm so close, I'm so close.

#281
Do you know where Liam is? Maybe I can get his signature first.

#282
I didn't see him anywhere.

#283
I'm sorry, but I got to bring this up.

#284
Things are getting really weird.

#285
I mean, check out Pappy McPoyle.

#286
What is that all about?

#287
I'll tell you what that's all about.

#288
Zombies.

#289
Zombies?

#290
I seen it once before in a rat, and I seen it now in men.

#291
Once one gets a taste for its own kind, it can spread through

#292
the pack like a wildfire.

#293
Mindlessly chomping and biting at their own hinds.

#294
Nothing but the taste of flesh on their minds.

#295
You know the thing about a rat?

#296
It's got life in its eyes.

#297
Black eyes like a doll's eye.

#298
Don't seem to be living at all when it come at ya.

#299
Till it bites ya.

#300
And then the eyes roll over white.

#301
You don't hear nothing but the screaming and the hollering.

#302
What are you doing?!

#303
Are you doing the speech from Jaws?

#304
- Nah... - Are you doing Jaws?

#305
We don't have time for this shit.

#306
This is serious.

#307
Look, it wasn't zombies, okay?

#308
Really?

#309
Yeah.

#310
Then you explain what happened next.

#311
Okay, it's time to get out of here.

#312
I mean, look at that guy.

#313
The McPoyles sprung from my loins, fully formed!

#314
One of them babies tried to eat me!

#315
I ate him first!

#316
I ate him first!

#317
Okay, I'm with Charlie. I'm leaving.

#318
Wait. You guys are just gonna leave?

#319
You're gonna, you're gonna go?

#320
Yeah, we're out.

#321
You know what? I don't give a shit.

#322
Yeah, go, go, go. Yeah, get the hell out of here!

#323
I didn't want you here in the first place!

#324
Yeah, I understand the McPoyle bloodline's very strong.

#325
Legions of us thousand sturdy ones ruled this fine land.

#326
Our bloodline was as pure as the driven snow.

#327
Mm-hmm. And then what happened?

#328
Syphilis killed about half of us.

#329
Mm.

#330
Mongoloidism got most of the rest.

#331
Right.

#332
Yep.

#333
Well, there's somebody inside who wants to talk to you about this.

#334
Mm?

#335
Who's this guy?

#336
Ryan!

#337
We need to talk!

#338
We'll leave you guys alone.

#339
Let them hash it out themselves.

#340
It'll bust up.

#341
What the hell is that?

#342
Holy shit.

#343
I'm gonna go.

#344
No, no, no, Deandra!

#345
What?

#346
- No, you gotta stay! - I don't have to stay.

#347
You gotta finish this.

#348
Uh, I'm not going to.

#349
But we're not done!

#350
Don't, don't go out there!

#351
Deandra!

#352
And we never saw Dee again.

#353
Oh, no.

#354
No.

#355
We saw Dee.

#356
Yeah.

#357
Yeah, that's when the shit started hitting the fan.

#358
Oh, look, there's Dee! Dee!

#359
Dee! Don't go down there!

#360
Do not go down there!

#361
We just got attacked by a bunch of zombies!

#362
Yeah, and the shuttle bus is gone!

#363
A zombie must have stolen your car!

#364
Your car is gone!

#365
There's no way out of here!

#366
There's no way out!

#367
What are you doing?

#368
She's infected! She's infected!

#369
Liam? Liam?!

#370
Liam! Hello, Liam?

#371
Frank?

#372
Hi, Dennis.

#373
What did you do with Liam?

#374
You're too late.

#375
He's getting talked out of it!

#376
Ha-ha-ha!

#377
Get out of my way.

#378
No!

#379
Get out of my way, Frank!

#380
Hey, man.

#381
What are you guys doing?

#382
I'm begging Liam for forgiveness!

#383
It's time we move on.

#384
Liam convinced me it's not

#385
our blood that's being tainted.

#386
It's us tainting the blood of others.

#387
McPoyles will take over the world!

#388
Goddamn it! It backfired!

#389
Wonderful.

#390
And first step towards that is signing this.

#391
So Liam, if you'd just sign right there, please.

#392
Just sign right there.

#393
Go ahead.

#394
You got it.

#395
Stupid asses.

#396
One down, one to go.

#397
Nice try, Frank.

#398
What the hell is going on?

#399
Get the hell out of the way.

#400
Get out of the way!

#401
Jesus Christ!

#402
We gotta get out of here.

#403
I'm not going anywhere, Frank.

#404
I'm not going anywhere till I get that signature.

#405
Go, go, go!

#406
Hey, dude, check it out.

#407
Remember when Dee, you know,

#408
she sucked that bat poison

#409
or whatever out of Frank's head from the vampire bat?

#410
Yeah.

#411
That must be what turned her into a zombie.

#412
Why would a vampire bat turn you into a zombie?

#413
You're mixing up your horror genres.

#414
If anything, it would turn you into a vampire.

#415
Right or a bat, or a bat.

#416
Or Batman.

#417
No, a vampire turns you into a vampire.

#418
A zombie turns you into a zombie

#419
and Batman didn't get turned into anything.

#420
He just likes bats.

#421
That can't possibly be what Batman's about.

#422
It's about a grown man who dresses up like a bat?

#423
And goes around solving crimes and mysteries, yes.

#424
These are Academy Award winning movies.

#425
This is serious stuff.

#426
Well, you know the Academy, Charlie, I mean...

#427
I know the Academy as well as anybody.

#428
Sometimes, it's atrocious.

#429
Well, to bring it all back

#430
around, I think when Dee drank

#431
the bat blood, that's how she got sick.

#432
Frank's blood.

#433
Yes, but the bat juices.

#434
You know, the bat saliva, bat rabies.

#435
No, no, it's not... Bat rabies, I buy.

#436
Bat rabies.

#437
Yeah.

#438
Like the... Dude, we got to get out of here.

#439
Yeah, go.

#440
Things had gotten completely insane.

#441
Dennis was trying to get the signature from Maureen, but we

#442
were just trying to get the hell out of there.

#443
Oh, my God.

#444
What the hell?

#445
Frank, what the hell's going on?

#446
Dude, we got to get out of here.

#447
Where's Dennis?

#448
I lost him.

#449
You guys, I couldn't get it.

#450
I couldn't get it.

#451
She wouldn't sign it.

#452
I couldn't get the stupid bitch to sign.

#453
She didn't sign?

#454
This has all gone bad.

#455
It's gone terribly, terribly bad.

#456
What did you do?

#457
I did something bad.

#458
I did something really, really bad; guys, we got to get out of

#459
here before everybody finds out what happened.

#460
Guys, I messed up.

#461
I messed up bad.

#462
All right, guys, let's just make a break for it.

#463
Which way?

#464
One, two, three, go.

#465
Come on, come on, this way, this way, this way.

#466
My face! My face!

#467
My face!

#468
One, two, three.

#469
Oh, God!

#470
Frank!

#471
Over here, over here.

#472
And then that's where you picked us up, and honestly,

#473
that's all that we know.

#474
Yes.

#475
So you're telling me that this was a wedding full of zombies?

#476
Yeah.

#477
Well, bat rabies zombies.

#478
Whatever.

#479
There was weird incestuous jealousies, we don't know what

#480
was going on.

#481
Bottom line, you got the wrong guys. We're innocent.

#482
Yes, we're totally innocent.

#483
Marconi, we just picked somebody up from the site who's

#484
claiming to know what happened.

#485
She was locked in a freezer.

#486
Don't let her in here.

#487
No, she's been infected.

#488
I'm not infected, you stupid idiots.

#489
No one was infected.

#490
Here's what happened.

#491
Let them hash it out themselves.

#492
It'll bust up.

#493
Yeah.

#494
I'm gonna go.

#495
Deandra.

#496
Dee's nuts.

#497
What's the haps?

#498
Here, have a sip, right from the cow's titty.

#499
You'll love it.

#500
No, Bill, no.

#501
I got to get out of here, okay?

#502
Shit is going crazy.

#503
No, don't go.

#504
Party's just starting.

#505
You got to have some.

#506
Come on, try it.

#507
Come on, it'll loosen you up a bit, make your butthole hot.

#508
How is drinking a glass of milk going to loosen me up, Bill?

#509
Well, I spiked the milk with methylenedioxypyrovalerone.

#510
What?

#511
It's bath salts.

#512
Yeah, yeah, it's like coke and acid and meth all combined.

#513
It's awesome.

#514
Yeah, I get it.

#515
So everyone here is on bath salts?

#516
Yeah, pretty much.

#517
Oh, my God, just move.

#518
Bath salts?

#519
The drug that makes people eat each other's faces?

#520
Wait, that would explain the zombie behavior.

#521
Right, okay, Dee, so you were on bath salts and that's why you

#522
went all nuts on us.

#523
Now it makes sense.

#524
That is not why I went nuts on you guys.

#525
Huh?

#526
I went nuts on you because of what you assholes did to my

#527
goddamn car!

#528
Dude, when was the last time you drove a car?

#529
Don't worry about it, man.

#530
I can drive; I remember how.

#531
What?

#532
No, no, no, no, no.

#533
No, no, no, no, wait.

#534
No!

#535
What happened, dude?

#536
What happened?

#537
I forgot how to drive.

#538
I forgot how to drive.

#539
Oh, God.

#540
Oh, look, Charlie, there's Dee.

#541
Dee, don't go down that way.

#542
We just got attacked by a bunch of zombie people.

#543
The shuttle's gone.

#544
Zombies must have stolen your car.

#545
There's no way out of here.

#546
Dude...

#547
You sons of bitches!

#548
You're gonna pay!

#549
You're all gonna pay!

#550
I'll kill you!

#551
You assholes, you'll pay!

#552
No, we won't pay.

#553
We never do.

#554
Okay, well, there it is.

#555
You know, there's the whole story.

#556
Ponderosa spiked the punch.

#557
Somebody hopped up on bath salts but Liam's face,

#558
and, uh, case closed, you know?

#559
Hey, good for you.

#560
Good for us.

#561
Bye.

#562
Ba-da-bing.

#563
Hey, whoa.

#564
Sit down, slick.

#565
Now that may explain some of the shit that went on here, but it

#566
doesn't answer the question of the missing bride.

#567
Since you're the one with motive and the last one to be

#568
seen with her, you're my new #1 suspect.

#569
No, no.

#570
That's... I didn't murder her.

#571
Then tell me what happened to her!

#572
I-I don't know.

#573
I don't know.

#574
Listen, if you confess, I can help you, but you got

#575
to tell me what happened.

#576
Okay, all right, all right, all right. Okay.

#577
Look, if I tell you what I did, will you just help me, please?

#578
Because I need help.

#579
I'll see what I can do with the DA, but I need you to confess.

#580
Okay, fine.

#581
Fine.

#582
I-I was just going to see her to get the final signature so I

#583
could put this whole thing behind me.

#584
When I saw her... Something bad happened.

#585
Something very bad.

#586
Oh, shit.

#587
Oh, God, Maureen.

#588
That was terrible.

#589
Who did those tits?

#590
The nipple placement is crazy.

#591
- I love you, Dennis Reynolds. - No, you don't.

#592
I love you.

#593
No, look, you're just gonna sign these papers and we're

#594
gonna be done with this, okay?

#595
Never.

#596
Let's run away together.

#597
Oh, I'm gonna run away, but not with you.

#598
I'm gonna find you.

#599
Oh, no, no, you're not gonna find me, no, no.

#600
We can't do this, Maureen.

#601
Oh, no, please.

#602
What have I done?

#603
Oh, God, what have I done?

#604
Oh, God.

#605
Oh, God!

#606
So all that shit about us ruining the wedding...

#607
And the zombies and the bath salts and the blood...

#608
It turns out you blew it yourself.

#609
Yeah, congratulations, Frank.

#610
You win.

#611
I'm gonna be paying alimony to that crazy bitch for the rest of my life.

#612
You expect me to believe this woman's gonna throw her entire

#613
life away just to sleep with her ex-husband on her wedding night?

#614
Huh?

#615
Really?

#616
Mr. Reynolds, you're free to go.

#617
What?

#618
Why am I free...?

#619
No.

#620
Yes.

#621
No.

#622
Someone posted your bail.

#623
Come on, silly head.

#624
Let's go home and put this whole adventure behind us.

#625
No.

#626
No!

#627
No!

#628
No, you got to help me.

#629
What have I done?

#630
You got to help me!

#631
What have I done? No! No! No!

#632
Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

#633
I got 15 different wedding guests out there with various

#634
degrees of injury.

#635
I got a groom... face is half gone!

#636
And I'm still missing a bride.

#638
We're completely innocent.

#640
that weren't invited.

#641
So you can see how bad this looks.

#642
Now, who is Mr. Dennis Reynolds?

#643
Oh, that's me.

#644
Hmm, hello, Dennis.

#645
Those are some interesting marks on your neck.

#646
Let me guess.

#648
Get your buddies together, you decide to break up that party.

#649
So you crash the wedding, get a little tipsy, things take a violent turn.

#650
No, no, no, look.

#652
I wanted to make sure that that wedding happened!

#653
Why is Maureen getting married in the middle of the woods?

#654
I don't know.

#655
Some people find the woods romantic, I guess.

#656
And why get married on Friday the 13th?

#657
It's a monster day.

#658
I don't know and I don't care.

#659
I just want to make sure the wedding happens.

#660
I'm tired of paying alimony.

#661
Well, we got your back, bro.

#662
Don't worry about that.

#663
I don't need you to have my back.

#664
Three people crashing a wedding... it's gonna make a scene.

#666
Just don't like getting bussed up there.

#667
I feel like we're gonna be trapped.

#668
I don't, I don't like any of this.

#669
Oh, no.

#670
No, no.

#671
I don't like this place already.

#672
This is a strange place, right?

#673
I'm seeing a lot of bats.

#674
Yeah, there's bats everywhere.

#675
You know why?

#676
'Cause it's Friday the 13th.

#677
No, no, no, stop.

#678
Will you stop with that?

#679
It's not because it's Friday the 13th.

#680
We're in the woods.

#681
Stop being paranoid.

#682
Still, this is creepy.

#683
I mean, who gets married in a spot like this?

#684
Oh, Jesus Christ!

#685
You guys crashing my wedding?

#686
Wait.

#687
What?!

#688
You?!

#689
Wait, Liam, you're marrying Maureen?

#690
Big-time.

#691
Don't be jelly.

#692
What the hell is going on here?

#693
What's your angle?

#694
Oldest angle in the book, my friend.

#695
Love.

#696
I don't buy this, okay?

#697
I thought you were in love with Ryan.

#698
What's your brother think about all this?

#699
Ryan's dead to me.

#700
Do you hear me?

#701
He's dead!

#702
So, I take it he doesn't approve?

#703
That's a negative, Ronald McDonald.

#704
Now, I'd ask you guys to leave, but I'm just too damn happy.

#705
See you bitches on the dance floor.

#706
I don't like this, okay?

#707
This is a McPoyle-Ponderosa wedding.

#708
This is, this is bad.

#709
Look, look, if you're gonna be here, I need your support.

#710
You need to help me make sure this wedding goes off without a hitch.

#711
Hold on. What made you think this wasn't gonna happen?

#712
Mac had heard there were some people there who wanted to ruin the wedding.

#713
Who?

#714
Him.

#715
Ah!

#716
That is bullshit!

#717
I was there to support my buddy.

#718
That was a swervy road.

#719
Yeah.

#720
What are you guys doing here?

#721
Oh, my God, I knew it.

#722
You're here to break up this wedding.

#723
What are you talking about?

#724
I'm here to support my friend, Bill Ponderosa.

#725
I'm his AA sponsor!

#726
Bullshit!

#727
You two love the fact that I have to pay alimony the rest of my life.

#728
You love the power you have over me with this financial burden.

#729
You know what, Dennis, not everything is about you, okay?

#730
I am here to support Frank.

#731
No, you two are here to make a scene.

#732
Oh!

#733
If anybody's making a scene, it's you!

#734
Ow! Ow!

#735
I just got tagged by a bat!

#736
He got you.

#737
I got tagged!

#738
Suck out the poison, Dee!

#739
I'm not sucking on your head.

#740
Suck it out!

#741
I'll give you $200, you suck it out.

#742
$200? I'll do it!

#743
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

#744
I'll do it for $200.

#745
Suck it quick.

#746
What are you...?

#747
This is the kind of thing that I was talking about!

#748
Suck it harder!

#749
Go home, please!

#750
Suck it harder!

#751
I got it.

#752
Did you swallow it?!

#753
Of course I swallowed.

#754
Make yourself throw up!

#755
Yeah, you swallowed the poison!

#756
Get it out! Get it out!

#757
Vomit! Vomit!

#758
What are you doing?!

#759
There is no poison from a bat!

#760
No! You are gonna ruin this!

#761
You're all gonna ruin this!

#762
You all right?

#763
It won't come, Frank.

#764
Deandra.

#765
Yeah?

#766
Let's go break up this wedding.

#767
Whoa, stop, stop!

#768
So you were there to break up the wedding.

#769
Shit.

#770
Did I just say that part?

#771
Yeah.

#772
Why did you want to break up the wedding?

#773
For all the things he just said.

#774
That was accurate.

#775
But it wasn't just our idea to break up the wedding.

#776
Not at first.

#777
Last week, we had a visitor at the bar.

#778
They have to be stopped.

#779
The McPoyle bloodline's been pure and clean for a thousand years.

#780
This marriage is an abomination.

#781
Now, when you say "pure and clean ," uh, you mean what, exactly?

#782
Means we haven't bred outside the bloodline.

#783
For a thousand years?

#784
Yeah.

#785
That makes a lot of sense.

#786
Dennis knows Maureen better than anyone.

#787
Only he can talk her out of this.

#788
The last thing Dennis wants to do is break up this wedding.

#789
But we do.

#790
Okay, I brought a disguise.

#791
Meh!

#792
They're gonna know who you are.

#793
This will work.

#794
Now sneak me in so we can go kill Maureen.

#795
Kill?

#796
Who said anything about killing anybody?

#797
No one's killing anyone.

#798
We'll sneak you in to Liam so you guys can talk or bang or

#799
whatever it is you want to do.

#800
Frank!

#801
Frank!

#802
Oh, thank God you're here, man.

#803
I am not gonna make it.

#804
I am itching to get blitzed.

#805
Weddings are a big trigger for me, man.

#806
Why are you telling me this?

#807
You're my sponsor, Frank.

#808
Come on.

#809
My support system.

#810
Oh, right, right, right.

#811
Of course.

#812
So, do whatever you feel is best.

#813
Well, I feel it would be best if I pounded a beer.

#814
I'll support that decision.

#815
I wish I could.

#816
I mean, it's a dry wedding, for God's sakes.

#817
They're serving milk.

#818
I feel like maybe I should do some drugs then, you know?

#819
That bad?

#820
You earned it.

#821
Yeah.

#822
You do whatever you feel like.

#823
You're a good person.

#824
Frank.

#825
Mm.

#826
Cool, cool.

#827
Thank you.

#828
Thank you.

#829
Diddly Dee.

#830
Miss me?

#831
Don't answer that.

#832
All right.

#833
Catch you guys later.

#834
You're a bad sponsor.

#835
Why?

#836
I supported every decision he wanted to make.

#837
Stop wasting time!

#838
Ow! God!

#839
Let's go find Liam.

#840
Shit!

#841
Don't hit me.

#842
Things have already taken a bit of a dark turn, it would seem.

#843
Yeah.

#844
Okay, I need to get to Maureen before Frank and Dee.

#845
All right?

#846
Oh, we'll come with you.

#847
No, just hang back.

#848
I got this, okay?

#849
Dude, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

#850
Yeah.

#851
We could definitely get laid here.

#852
Huh? What?

#853
Maureen, I need to speak with you.

#854
Dennis!

#855
OMG, what are you doing here?

#856
Well, uh, I have reason to believe that someone is here to

#857
destroy this special day for you, so I'm sure to make sure

#858
that doesn't happen.

#859
That is so sweet, Dennis.

#860
I also brought along some legal documents, so if we could

#861
just wrap this up lickety-split.

#862
Legal documents? What?

#863
Yeah, I realize my timing is a little unorthodox, but, uh, I

#864
figure what better way to make sure your union is totally

#865
complete than by having you sign these documents that I need you to sign?

#866
So if I can just get your signature right here, and I'll

#867
run up and get Liam's signature, and this'll be on the books and

#868
your wedding... Muh!

#869
My Maureen, you've... you've enhanced yourself.

#870
Yeah, I got my tooth fixed.

#871
I'm talking about your tits!

#872
You big, giant new titties, Maureen!

#873
Why would you do that now?

#874
Why not when we were together when I could've...?

#875
I told you I was willing to change.

#876
Yeah, but I didn't know you meant physically,

#877
that you would change physically.

#878
Why weren't you more clear with me, Maureen?

#879
All right, you know what?

#880
I'm not gonna get distracted.

#881
Just, just sign right here... Wait! What are you doing in here?!

#882
You can't see the bride before the ceremony!

#883
No, no!

#884
Get out!

#885
I just need her to sign this!

#886
No! Get out of here!

#887
Wait, wait, wait! Maureen!

#888
No matter what happens, you got to go through with this!

#889
Out!

#890
Liam is your destiny, Maureen!

#891
Oh, here he comes.

#892
I didn't get it.

#893
I mean, I'm so close, I'm so close.

#894
Do you know where Liam is? Maybe I can get his signature first.

#895
I didn't see him anywhere.

#896
I'm sorry, but I got to bring this up.

#897
Things are getting really weird.

#898
I mean, check out Pappy McPoyle.

#899
What is that all about?

#900
I'll tell you what that's all about.

#901
Zombies.

#902
Zombies?

#903
I seen it once before in a rat, and I seen it now in men.

#904
Once one gets a taste for its own kind, it can spread through

#905
the pack like a wildfire.

#906
Mindlessly chomping and biting at their own hinds.

#907
Nothing but the taste of flesh on their minds.

#908
You know the thing about a rat?

#909
It's got life in its eyes.

#910
Black eyes like a doll's eye.

#911
Don't seem to be living at all when it come at ya.

#912
Till it bites ya.

#913
And then the eyes roll over white.

#914
You don't hear nothing but the screaming and the hollering.

#915
What are you doing?!

#916
Are you doing the speech from Jaws?

#917
- Nah... - Are you doing Jaws?

#918
We don't have time for this shit.

#919
This is serious.

#920
Look, it wasn't zombies, okay?

#921
Really?

#922
Yeah.

#923
Then you explain what happened next.

#924
Okay, it's time to get out of here.

#925
I mean, look at that guy.

#926
The McPoyles sprung from my loins, fully formed!

#927
One of them babies tried to eat me!

#928
I ate him first!

#929
I ate him first!

#930
Okay, I'm with Charlie. I'm leaving.

#931
Wait. You guys are just gonna leave?

#932
You're gonna, you're gonna go?

#933
Yeah, we're out.

#934
You know what? I don't give a shit.

#935
Yeah, go, go, go. Yeah, get the hell out of here!

#936
I didn't want you here in the first place!

#937
Yeah, I understand the McPoyle bloodline's very strong.

#938
Legions of us thousand sturdy ones ruled this fine land.

#939
Our bloodline was as pure as the driven snow.

#940
Mm-hmm. And then what happened?

#941
Syphilis killed about half of us.

#942
Mm.

#943
Mongoloidism got most of the rest.

#944
Right.

#945
Yep.

#946
Well, there's somebody inside who wants to talk to you about this.

#947
Mm?

#948
Who's this guy?

#949
Ryan!

#950
We need to talk!

#951
We'll leave you guys alone.

#952
Let them hash it out themselves.

#953
It'll bust up.

#954
What the hell is that?

#955
Holy shit.

#956
I'm gonna go.

#957
No, no, no, Deandra!

#958
What?

#959
- No, you gotta stay! - I don't have to stay.

#960
You gotta finish this.

#961
Uh, I'm not going to.

#962
But we're not done!

#963
Don't, don't go out there!

#964
Deandra!

#965
And we never saw Dee again.

#966
Oh, no.

#967
No.

#968
We saw Dee.

#969
Yeah.

#970
Yeah, that's when the shit started hitting the fan.

#971
Oh, look, there's Dee! Dee!

#972
Dee! Don't go down there!

#973
Do not go down there!

#974
We just got attacked by a bunch of zombies!

#975
Yeah, and the shuttle bus is gone!

#976
A zombie must have stolen your car!

#977
Your car is gone!

#978
There's no way out of here!

#979
There's no way out!

#980
What are you doing?

#981
She's infected! She's infected!

#982
Liam? Liam?!

#983
Liam! Hello, Liam?

#984
Frank?

#985
Hi, Dennis.

#986
What did you do with Liam?

#987
You're too late.

#988
He's getting talked out of it!

#989
Ha-ha-ha!

#990
Get out of my way.

#991
No!

#992
Get out of my way, Frank!

#993
Hey, man.

#994
What are you guys doing?

#995
I'm begging Liam for forgiveness!

#996
It's time we move on.

#997
Liam convinced me it's not

#998
our blood that's being tainted.

#999
It's us tainting the blood of others.

#1000
McPoyles will take over the world!

#1001
Goddamn it! It backfired!

#1002
Wonderful.

#1003
And first step towards that is signing this.

#1004
So Liam, if you'd just sign right there, please.

#1005
Just sign right there.

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